Which is exactly how I ended up with hubby.billythrilly7th said:I need to see if I can handle having another human around, everyday for the rest of my life before getting married.
CaroGirl said:Both. Live together first, and then get married. You definitely don't want any nasty surprises that increase the divorce statistics.
And it's what I did. So, you know.
We lived together for 3 or 4 years before I pulled out the old marry-me-or-I'll-leave-you-for-someone-who-can-commit. And we've been married for more than 12 years. Most of them have even been happy!
KitKat said:*sigh* I was born in the wrong country.
I come from the land of arranged marriages, so just the fact that I'm dating a Canadian is a big enough problem for my conservative family. And I moved out a year ago to live on my own (which is practically unheard of... we typically live in our parental homes till we get married.)
Now this. We don't want to get married. Eventually, maybe. Not for another few years. But living together would ensure that my family and community will shun me, throw me out and judge me. Not that they haven't already... I am an Indian woman (in India) who lives alone, after all.
So there ya have it. I get to make the choice-- again-- parents and community or guy who I may hate in five years. (And I can't move... we both have great careers here. That's one thing we're both not ready to sacrifice.)
Suggestions?
Bravo said:living together and still hoping to get married has always seemed pretty illogical to me.
ppl like to pretend like theyre in this committed relationship w the love of their life, and yet, they still want the option to just walk away.
personally, i think it's good that divorce is so messy and long. it should be a complicated process & you shouldnt be done just b/c of "irreconcible" differences that you discover 10 years after the fact.
youre either committed or youre not. you should know if youre committed before you move in w some1.
and, unfortunately, it also means that you get none of the legal/insurance benefits of being a spouse. even worse if you have kids.
Bravo said:living together and still hoping to get married has always seemed pretty illogical to me.
ppl like to pretend like theyre in this committed relationship w the love of their life, and yet, they still want the option to just walk away.
personally, i think it's good that divorce is so messy and long. it should be a complicated process & you shouldnt be done just b/c of "irreconcible" differences that you discover 10 years after the fact.
MeowGirl said:It should be more difficult to get married, not divorced.
MeowGirl said:Personally, I think the messy, complicated process is at the wrong end. It should be more difficult to get married, not divorced. Marriage is too important and too life-changing to base it solely on something as flimsy as love. Yes, I'm a cynic (realist?).
billythrilly7th said:Yes and to have children as well.
I just can't get the kinks out of my birth control ray gun. It's still too dangerous to be used on humans.
But I'm working on it.
KitKat said:That's the thing. There's no guarantee that it will lead to marriage. There's no guarantee that it will work. There's no guarantee. Impermanence. I get it. I believe it. And I'm open to change.
However, people are not.
Two women I know had very-secret live-in relationships (I have no intention of keeping anything secret), and in both cases, they didn't work. Word did spread around in the community, and now they're both "used goods" (sorry... it's just the damn society we live in.) No "good" Indian man will want to be with them.
Not that I want to have the option of being with men who're still stuck in the dark ages, but I don't want to have to walk around in my own city and community feeling like I've committed an unforgivable sin.
At the same time, I don't want to run away to a foreign country simply because a few million believe that the way I choose to live my life is immoral.
My visa application for Paris lies in front of me. And I'm finding that running away is harder than I thought. Can't run away from yourself, I guess.