PDA

View Full Version : Make Up Your Own National Enquirer Headline



SherryTex
11-15-2006, 01:10 AM
We've all read them over the years and groaned. Give me your best outrageous end all be all headline.

Here are a few to get you started...

Vatican to confirm Saint Elvis!

How Kristie Alley lost 60 pounds using Alien Diet and Pilates!

Killer Tree Species found in South American Rain Forest has been imported to United States, three suspicious deaths reported!

Scientist unlock the DNA code for God! Government Plans to clone Jesus, Buddah, Mohammet and Moses and settle the question once and for all!

Excessive Cell Phone Use cause Schizophrenia in Mice!

Toddler survives creating black hole in basement!

WerenCole
11-15-2006, 01:51 AM
SherryTex Turns Green From Eating Too Many Fritos.

Nicholas S.H.J.M Woodhouse
11-15-2006, 01:53 AM
NIICK WOODHOUSE HAS WORLD'S LONGEST HEADLINE.

Celia Cyanide
11-15-2006, 02:13 AM
Those sound like Weekly World News headlines to me...

Here's my national enquirer headline...

Leonardo DiCaprio dating up and coming scream queen from Minneapolis.

I could have said "Edward Furlong," but that was too obvious...

Unique
11-15-2006, 02:16 AM
Bat Children Seek Asylum in Spain Under UN Convention Rights of the Child

SC Harrison
11-15-2006, 02:40 AM
Santa Declares "Nobody's Been Good This Year" And Cancels Christmas.

Nah. That's more of an Onion than a National Enquirer. How about:

Killer Asteroid On Collision Course With Earth!

Celia Cyanide
11-15-2006, 02:47 AM
Santa Declares "Nobody's Been Good This Year" And Cancels Christmas.

I read in the Onion that it was an activist judge who did that, actually.

JoeEkaitis
11-15-2006, 02:55 AM
SHOCKER!! CELEBS GO TO THE BATHROOM, JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE!!

Bartholomew
11-15-2006, 03:04 AM
SIX HEADED ELVIS TO WED ALIEN QUEEN!
Badly photoshopped details on page 6!

billythrilly7th
11-15-2006, 03:05 AM
"Bravo caught wearing Orlando Bloom's underwear. On his head!!"

(A.P) In one of the more bizarre celebrity stalker cases in recent history, a young man named Bravo was found naked and sleeping in the backyard of movie actor Orlando Bloom's Bel Air home. The only article of clothing he was wearing was Bloom's blue silk briefs, with OB embroidered on them in red, on his head like a hat. Authorities are investigating how Bravo came into possession of the underwear because there was no sign of a break in or an intruder at the house.

Bloom was in the south of France at the time of the incident, working on his new film Crosstime with director Ron Howard and was notified by his attorney. His publicist released this statement. "Orlando Bloom does not know this Bravo or how he came into possession of his underwear, but does not deny that the underwear was his."

Authorities were notified by a gardener doing his routine weekly work, who happened to come across the naked flacid fiend sleeping on a lawn chair. We tried to contact Bravo for a comment but he had nothing. And the gardener backs that up as well.

aadams73
11-15-2006, 03:06 AM
MRI PROVES PARIS HILTON HAS A BRAIN!!

LINDSAY LOHAN KEEPS LEGS CLOSED FOR FIRST TIME EVER!!!

Rolling Thunder
11-15-2006, 03:25 AM
Scientist discovers mothballs! Read all about how long it took for him to get its little legs apart!

aadams73
11-15-2006, 03:31 AM
JUDGE SPANKING THE BISHOP IN COURT

Oh wait, that already happened in Oklahoma.

Carrie in PA
11-15-2006, 03:32 AM
Exclusive Photos of Tom Cruise Wedding - to Bigfoot!

Soccer Mom
11-15-2006, 03:36 AM
TOM CRUISE GIVES BIRTH TO ALIEN BABY AS SILENT KATIE CHEERS HIM ON!

SherryTex
11-15-2006, 03:38 AM
Shouldn't that be a six headed Saint Elvis to wed Alien Queen Paris Hilton, or is it Leonardo DiCaprio?

SherryTex
11-15-2006, 03:39 AM
Katie Holmes takes vow of silence as part of her maritial pre-nup agreement.
Tom agrees to swear off caffiene.

aadams73
11-15-2006, 03:44 AM
TOM CRUISE IS REALLY STRAIGHT--REALLY...HONEST...WE MEAN IT.

signed--TC

JoeEkaitis
11-15-2006, 03:57 AM
BARBRA FINALLY ADMITS: "MINE DOES STINK."

aadams73
11-15-2006, 03:57 AM
I'M NOT FAT, I'M JUST BIG-BONED, SAYS NICOLE RICHIE

Jack_Roberts
11-15-2006, 04:06 AM
Orlando Bloom: Bigfoot and Nessie's love child!

billythrilly7th
11-15-2006, 06:32 AM
BARBRA FINALLY ADMITS: "MINE DOES STINK."

If you're talking about Barbra Streisand...

:ROFL:

If you're talking about Barbra Eden....

How dare you, sir? She's an American Icon and my first sexual thought or inkling or at the age of 5, I'm not sure what it was, was due to her.

JoeEkaitis
11-15-2006, 08:23 PM
If you're talking about Barbra Streisand...

:ROFL:

If you're talking about Barbra Eden....

How dare you, sir? She's an American Icon and my first sexual thought or inkling or at the age of 5, I'm not sure what it was, was due to her.Barbra is the only one who spells it "Barbra" so it should be clear I was referring to Barbra.

aadams73
11-15-2006, 08:31 PM
ANNA NICOLE SMITH JOINS MENSA

MajorDrums
11-15-2006, 08:42 PM
William Haskins Opens World's Largest Butterfly Garden!

KODB
11-15-2006, 09:13 PM
AIDS Scare Slashes Vampire Attacks

JoeEkaitis
11-15-2006, 09:29 PM
BILL GATES: "PC" GUY IN APPLE ADS IS MY DISOWNED BROTHER.

NeuroFizz
11-15-2006, 09:38 PM
Hemorrhoid Penned My Novel While I Slept, Claims Horror Writer

aadams73
11-15-2006, 09:41 PM
STEVE JOBS: AT HOME I USE A PC.

C.bronco
11-15-2006, 09:46 PM
Bat Children Seek Asylum in Spain Under UN Convention Rights of the Child

Nice. It's been far too long since I've read anything about bat children.

I always preferred Weekly World News headlines.

Celia Cyanide
11-15-2006, 09:53 PM
AW Shocker: Billythrilly rates his own threads!

Jaycinth
11-16-2006, 12:49 AM
World Wildlife Federation Declares Vampires an Endangered Species.

Despite objections from the World Health Organization, Al Gore announced that effective immediately, Vampires and some dependant werewolf species would come under the protection of the WWF.

Attacks against Vampires, however, will be considered hate crimes if the Vampires are American Citizens and will be prosecuted accordingly.

A Spokesperson for the United Nations has added that due to the consistant sapient nature of Vampires, they will also be protected by the Geneva convention. The same treatment will not be accorded Were’s as they display an entirely animalistic nature during the full moon.

Former U.S President, Jimmy Carter has announced that plans ar in the works to establish a homeland for the Vampire Nation.

Oberon, King of the Fairies was reported to say that his people will not rest until every last vampire has been staked, decapitated and burned without mercy, and he doesn’t give a whit about the United Nations.

SherryTex
11-16-2006, 08:32 AM
UN admits, We're just here to eat well.

TsukiRyoko
11-16-2006, 08:38 AM
"PeeDee wears something other than a polka-dot dress and a very stylish sombrero!"

Ol' Fashioned Girl
11-16-2006, 04:36 PM
Lost Emperor Found in Wyoming!