Starbucks Punctuation

Say a character goes into Starbucks and orders a tall latte made with non-fat milk, just a little foam, sugar-free vanilla syrup, and decaf espresso. If it's ordered in coffee speak, here's how it would look:

"Tall decaf non-fat wet sugar-free vanilla latte."

Now, should it be:

"Tall decaf-non-fat-wet-sugar-free-vanilla latte" since every thing except for the size is a modifier of the noun "latte", therefore making the whole thing a long string of compound modifiers?

(By the way, I can spit out an order like that without thinking twice; sometimes the newer baristas have to ask me to explain.)

Thank you for the advice.

It takes practice. You have no idea how many hours of my life I lost to that little brochure you can pick up at Starbuck's...

But, once you know it, the formula is easy:

1. Size
2. Number of shots (if none specified, you get the standard number. Say "quad" for four shots).
3. If you want decaf or half-caf, say so now.
4. Type of milk (if none specified, you get whole milk; skinny is used for non-fat colloquially but around here in NC non-fat is just fine).
5. Other modifiers (wet, dry, no foam, whip, no whip)
6. Type of drink.
7. If you intend to drink your coffee in the store and want a mug, go directly to number 2 and say "for here" at this time. Or, if you want to show off and want your drink to go, spit out "with legs."

Basically, if you want to really impress an especially snooty barista, order a:

Quad venti half-caf half-and-half no whip no foam extra hot raspberry mocha with legs.

CaroGirl said:

This is one of my pet peeves (I had a nice long rant the other day in a Starbucks). I like sizes to be called small, medium and large (extra small and extra large are allowable). I like coffee to be strong, medium or mild. I like my choices to be sugar, milk or cream and the amount to be up to me.

I HATE Starbucks, et al, for making ordering coffee so complicated I need to read through a guide to do so.

Oh, and I agree with using commas to separate your descriptors, especially if you're going for making it all look completely ridiculous.

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The main rationale behind the coffee speak was so that the order would be more concise and the baristas could clear lines quicker. You have to admit; for someone making a precise order such as the example I gave, it's much quicker to use the coffee speak than not.

And you can walk into starbucks and order a regular coffee. There's nothing to do about the sizes mind you, but if you walk in there and say "Regular coffee please" then you're safe; unless the barista is a snot.

And I'm happy with the comma suggestion, especially given the example of describing another person.

Kate Thornton said:

"wet"??? What's that? (In a coffee, I mean - isn't it all liquid??)

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"Wet" is less foam. Conversely, "dry" is more foam.

I'm ALWAYS a customer service person's dream come true. I smile, I say "please" and "thank you," I don't engage them in long anecdotes or conversations that they don't seem interested in, I'm patient (even if I'm in a hurry) and I never, EVER, fuss at them for something that's out of their hands. And even when they blatantly screw up, I shrug it off and say "It's alright."

I work in customer service myself, so I know what it's like to be on the other side of the fence and how nice it is when somebody is pleasant. Oh, and I always try to be knowledgable about what I want; a customer that cannot articulate their desire and expects to have their mind read is about as rude and obnoxious as an iPod at a funeral.

And I supposed (getting back on topic) that improper punctuation could be used to create an effect (as it often is), but do you think that "talldecafnonfantsugarfreehazelnutlatte" is a bit pushing it? Just curious.