What makes a good logline?

Status
Not open for further replies.

AaronB

I'm guessing everyone here has written a logline or two. How does one avoid writing a bad one, and be certain one is writing a good one?

Being a technical writer by trade, I'm biased toward factual information...but a logline is marketing copy, so in writing one I'm a little out of my element. What say ye?
 

Ravenlocks01

Make sure to tell us who your protagonist is (often including an adjective that indicates his flaw and suggests what his arc will be) and include his overriding external goal and the stakes.

In addition, a good logline includes that certain je ne sais quoi that hooks a reader and makes them want to read your script.
 

AaronB

I'm afraid my current effort is a bit flat:

"A young Dane, left for dead during the first Viking raid of the island monastery on Iona in 795, survives, becomes steeped in Irish culture of the high middle ages, and then must choose his path when the raiders return in 802."
 

maestrowork

Fundamental: should present the protagonist(s), the problem, and the story.

But a good logline is a marketing tool: it must entice the buyers. That's why copy writers are better with that than writers. Copy writers are trained to write marketing blurbs.

With your logline, there are a few problems. Yes, you presented us with the protagonist and the problem. But the story is sketchy. What path? What is the story? Also, it has too many unnecessary details such as the precise dates.

A slight edit would yield:

"A young Dane survives the first Viking raid of a monastery on the island Iona, becomes steeped in Irish culture of the high middle ages, and must choose his destiny when the raiders return."

It's still somewhat flat, but you get the idea...
 

mwc scribe

Focus on the goal the protag is trying to achieve during the second act.
_
 

Writing Again

Using a principle I learned somewhere called "When in doubt up the stakes" I would consider this as a logline.

Left behind during a raid on Iona, a young man has two children by his Irish wife, when his Viking father shows up to rescue him.

I may be wrong but I think the story conflict is implicit.
 

dpaterso

To be honest I just don't know what makes a good logline -- but if, after reading one, I want to know what happens to the characters, then I think it's passed the test.

A young Dane, left for dead during the first Viking raid of the island monastery on Iona in 795, survives, becomes steeped in Irish culture of the high middle ages, and then must choose his path when the raiders return in 802.

There's some ambiguity here in that I don't know if the Dane is one of the Vikings (which is a loose label that covers raiders from several countries) or if he's some traveling Danish monk who happens to be on Iona when the Vikings come swarming ashore.

If yes then maybe something like...

A young Viking warrior, left for dead after a raid on the Iona monastery in the Dark Ages, is nursed back to health, accepted by the islanders and marries a Celtic girl. When the raiders return he must choose between his blood kin and the people he has learned to love.

Shrug, just an idea, and maybe it's a tad too long. But I think it's less clinical which is a problem your original logline suffers from.

I'm not allergic to any of these other suggestions either. Except for "Ouch!" which didn't entice me to read on.

-Derek
-----------------------​
My Web Page - naked women, bestial sex, and whopping big lies.
 

AaronB

My Dane is a Viking. My original:

"A young Dane, left for dead during the first Viking raid of the island monastery on Iona in 795, survives, becomes steeped in Irish culture of the high middle ages, and then must choose his path when the raiders return in 802."

Could be reworked to something like:

"A young Viking, left for dead during the first raid on the monastery on Iona, survives, comes to love the people of the island, but much choose a side when his countrymen strike again."

Of course, you can go too far in this reworking thing. For example, I could go with this:

"Luke Skywalker, a restless young farmboy, searches for the legacy of his lost father and gets caught up in an interstellar rebellion."

Not so good, I think.
 

maestrowork

But...

"Luke Swordwielder, a restless young Viking, searches for the legacy of his lost father and gets caught up in a genocide war, torn between the people he loves and his next of kin."
 

AaronB

That "...torn between the people he loves and his next of kin" bit is quite good. I think I may use something like that.

I see that we need to paint the picture vividly.
 

joecalabre

I would focus on the problem your hero faces (choosing) and less on the details that got him there. I assume that there is love involved and I would keep it short.

I would try something like...

795 AD: Battle of Iona. When stranded among his enemies for nearly a decade, a young Viking much choose between Norse loyalty and Celtic love when his countrymen strike again.

My two cents.
 

AaronB

I think I'm onto something. How's this?

"Having been stranded among his victims for years by a rival's treachery, a young Viking must choose between his friends and his countrymen when the Vikings strike again."
 

Ravenlocks01

"Left behind during a raid on Iona, a young man has two children by his Irish wife, when his Viking father shows up to rescue him."
This is my favorite so far. The stakes are clear and high. However, I'm still not seeing a concrete goal for the protag. Even in this one, he doesn't take action but rather reacts to events.



Except for "Ouch!" which didn't entice me to read on.
You're in luck, Derek, since that was the end of Simon's post.

:D
 

Optimus Maximus

I like Joe's the best.

It's vivid, poetic, and shows the protag as being active rather than reactive.
 

Ravenlocks01

He's still reactive. All he has to do is choose. His countrymen are the ones taking the action: returning and striking.

I'm still waiting for a concrete goal to drive the protagonist's actions throughout the script.
 

AaronB

I'm still waiting for a concrete goal to drive the protagonist's actions throughout the script.
 

Optimus Maximus

Hate to disagree over this minor point, Raven, but just because the protag isn't the initiator of the situation doesn't mean that is somehow bad or that the protag is somehow weak simply because he is "reactive."

Think of John McClain in Die Hards 1-3. He never initiates the situation, but he takes action. Granted, that may be in reaction to events/situations which he has not caused, but the action he chooses to take is what drives the story.

The same could be the case here. The protag is unwillingly and unwittingly thrown into an aversive situation, and must act (though it is, technically, a reaction) to overcome the situation. His action is what drives the story.

And, that's not a bad thing.
 

dpaterso

I liked the latter half of Joe's take on things, although "stranded among his enemies for nearly a decade" invites a huge question: if they're his enemies then why aren't they killing him? Not the kind of dilemna I'd want readers to sit and puzzle over, but that's just me, shrug.

And there was no "Battle of Iona" -- just a very famous Viking raid on the monastery in which the monks were slaughtered. Always check up on your history! ;)

-Derek
-----------------------​
My Web Page - naked women, bestial sex, and whopping big lies.
 

AaronB

And there was no "Battle of Iona" -- just a very famous Viking raid on the monastery in which the monks were slaughtered. Always check up on your history!
 

joecalabre

OK. It wasn't a full fledge battle, but the average reader wouldn't know that and it would give a bloody image using only one word. And if the Ionians put up even the smallest effort to defend themselves then It can be considered a battle. If you like, The Massacre at Iona would also work.

As for living with his enemies for a decade, yes it would bring questions and that hopefully would entice the reader to want to know more. That is it's purpose.

Remember... A logline isn't a telling of the complete story, but hints, innuendos and enticements to get the reader to want more. It's a fine balance between telling what it's about and getting them interested. It's a purposeful tease.
 

maestrowork

I don't like the word "stranded" though, as if he didn't want to be there. Well, then, there wouldn't be any conflict, would there?

I do like the enemy (surrogate family) vs. kin (real family) angle. Pretty high stakes.
 

AaronB

I do like the enemy (surrogate family) vs. kin (real family) angle. Pretty high stakes.
 

maestrowork

The thing is, you have to present the conflict, the stakes. What is holding him back? He could either just go back with the Vikings. Is it love (very strong motivation)? Duty? Simply presenting the situations is not enough. You have to present the stakes. Why does the hero have a hard time choosing?
 
Status
Not open for further replies.