I generally never post the same things in all the places I share my thoughts. Generally, I don't share much here on Absolute Write, because it's not one of my Blogs. It's kind of like a cool bus station with busses going all over the place. You just don't set up a booth.
All the same, I shared this on one of my Blog's and just felt this might help someone here- no I don't know who. Hope it helps some one.
Nate
**** had a wise insight in her comments on the Pleasure and Pressure Blog, and it inspired me to write a new post. There are forces within us that compel us to do things, either good or bad. We can have clarity, knowing why we're doing such and such, and still have difficulty changing our thinking and our actions.
Example: You might find someone who strives perpetually to attain some degree of feeling good about themselves. They're hard working, driven people. They always take on more they can handle and can't ever seem to rest. And they may not need someone to point out why. "I know why...My dad told me I wouldn't amount to anything...I could never please him. He used to insult me and embarrass me...I know I'm screwed up. It's like I'm always reaching for something I can never obtain..."
Well, they have clues. 1) That voice inside them came from the voice of their father. 2) No matter what they do they can't feel they have done good enough. 3) They may even intuit, "This isn't about pleasing my boss or myself, but wanting my father's approval.
I've met alot of really insightful screwed up people. They know they're screwed up, don't want to be screwed up, and may have taken steps to stop being screwed up; but they're still screwed up.
I hate futility, don't believe in futility. So then why do people bang their heads against the walls, eventually giving up because they feel they're a runaway train that can't stop the momentum?
Obviouly, some people give up at this point and stop trying and medicate themselves or drop out. Neither is satisfying.
I don't have the arm strength to go into great detail, but I spent years trying to figure out answers to these questions. When we're young, those memories don't just come in like books in a library. They actually have the power to imprint and become the foundations we build our lives on. They impact our beliefs and attitudes about life, others and ourselves.
On some levels the answer to the puzzles, "Why do we do this and why do we think this way?" almost always come from two primary emotions, anger and fear. We fear we can never measure up and we're angry at those people/events, we blame for making us feel this way; even if only on a subconscious level. This amounts to beliefs that are so ingrained, "I'll never amount to something...I can never measure up...I'm an accident waiting to happen..." And some people go into every relationship and every situation including school and work, mentally set up to fail and self-destruct.
Emotional healing doesn't come when we convince our minds of an answer- "Yes I should love myself...yes, I don't want to be bound to the past...I know it's the voice of my mother/my father/events that happened/people that hurt me..."
At some point we need to be convinced we are not a "Victim", not that we were never victimized- but in that we have power to take back control, change our thinking, our beliefs, our outlook, the very foundation of who we are. If we can't come to believe we have control, and keep thinking, "My mom/dad/the fire that took my friend/the things my coach did to me..." are what ruined my life, we end in a futility loop. Because we can't change the past, or other people (unless they make a choice to change). We can't un-mug ourselves.
But we can at a very deep level change how we view the past, the filters that blind us to the truth- we can succeed, be happy, have great relationships.
If you look at successful people at anything, mostly it comes down to how they see things and what they do. So if you can change a person's point of view and show them what to do, if they have the motivation, their whole lives can turn around.
Whew...obviously it's an important subject I've given much thought to. Hope it helps someone. Still, I can't go through the whole process in a thread. This was just meant to show that screwed up people- perhaps half of all people are somewhat screwed up- can have hope.
All the same, I shared this on one of my Blog's and just felt this might help someone here- no I don't know who. Hope it helps some one.
Nate
**** had a wise insight in her comments on the Pleasure and Pressure Blog, and it inspired me to write a new post. There are forces within us that compel us to do things, either good or bad. We can have clarity, knowing why we're doing such and such, and still have difficulty changing our thinking and our actions.
Example: You might find someone who strives perpetually to attain some degree of feeling good about themselves. They're hard working, driven people. They always take on more they can handle and can't ever seem to rest. And they may not need someone to point out why. "I know why...My dad told me I wouldn't amount to anything...I could never please him. He used to insult me and embarrass me...I know I'm screwed up. It's like I'm always reaching for something I can never obtain..."
Well, they have clues. 1) That voice inside them came from the voice of their father. 2) No matter what they do they can't feel they have done good enough. 3) They may even intuit, "This isn't about pleasing my boss or myself, but wanting my father's approval.
I've met alot of really insightful screwed up people. They know they're screwed up, don't want to be screwed up, and may have taken steps to stop being screwed up; but they're still screwed up.
I hate futility, don't believe in futility. So then why do people bang their heads against the walls, eventually giving up because they feel they're a runaway train that can't stop the momentum?
Obviouly, some people give up at this point and stop trying and medicate themselves or drop out. Neither is satisfying.
I don't have the arm strength to go into great detail, but I spent years trying to figure out answers to these questions. When we're young, those memories don't just come in like books in a library. They actually have the power to imprint and become the foundations we build our lives on. They impact our beliefs and attitudes about life, others and ourselves.
On some levels the answer to the puzzles, "Why do we do this and why do we think this way?" almost always come from two primary emotions, anger and fear. We fear we can never measure up and we're angry at those people/events, we blame for making us feel this way; even if only on a subconscious level. This amounts to beliefs that are so ingrained, "I'll never amount to something...I can never measure up...I'm an accident waiting to happen..." And some people go into every relationship and every situation including school and work, mentally set up to fail and self-destruct.
Emotional healing doesn't come when we convince our minds of an answer- "Yes I should love myself...yes, I don't want to be bound to the past...I know it's the voice of my mother/my father/events that happened/people that hurt me..."
At some point we need to be convinced we are not a "Victim", not that we were never victimized- but in that we have power to take back control, change our thinking, our beliefs, our outlook, the very foundation of who we are. If we can't come to believe we have control, and keep thinking, "My mom/dad/the fire that took my friend/the things my coach did to me..." are what ruined my life, we end in a futility loop. Because we can't change the past, or other people (unless they make a choice to change). We can't un-mug ourselves.
But we can at a very deep level change how we view the past, the filters that blind us to the truth- we can succeed, be happy, have great relationships.
If you look at successful people at anything, mostly it comes down to how they see things and what they do. So if you can change a person's point of view and show them what to do, if they have the motivation, their whole lives can turn around.
Whew...obviously it's an important subject I've given much thought to. Hope it helps someone. Still, I can't go through the whole process in a thread. This was just meant to show that screwed up people- perhaps half of all people are somewhat screwed up- can have hope.