PDA

View Full Version : SF/Fantasy synopsis 2nd re-write opinions please!



auntiebebo22
10-03-2004, 02:14 AM
Craig never dreamed his fishing trip on his uncle's yacht would change his life forever. Being only 16 years old, Craig would have rather spent his summer surfing, or playing volleyball with his friends on the beach. His parents however, felt otherwise. Concerned with his lack of ambition, they asked his millionaire uncle to spend time with him.

Caught in a freak tropical storm Craig is swept overboard. He wakes in a strange place, the country of Ohr, on the planet Murrk. Unknown to him this destiny runs in his blood. Two of his ancestors had also arrived unexpectedly in Ohr.

Figuring in a prophecy written by his own great, great, great... grandfather Craig finds himself cast into the unlikely role of savior. Along with three others described in the prophecy, Craig soon is embroiled in a battle to save Murrk.

The prophecy warns of the growing strength of a sect of black sorcerers known as the Sakka. But even more alarming it hints of the coming of an even greater evil.

As Craig travels the land in search of the other saviors, he make several startling discoveries. First, that he himself is a very powerful sorcerer. Capable of levitation, far-sight, and controlling the elements, to name a few. Secondly, Craig notices odd coincidences between earth and murrk that both confuse and unnerve him. This gives him his first suspicions of not being the only traveler to come from earth.

One by one the saviors come together. A retired castellean from the norther city of Meest, become Craig's mentor. A quiet and solemn priest, and a princess from the enemy kingdom of Marnock.

With the aid of Father Cal's visions the saviors realize what they must do.They must retrieve the robe of power that once belonged to Craig's grandfather "Corrik the Red".
Unfortunately to do this they must steal it from it's current owner, Lord Baaran, leader of the Sakka. Much to Baaran's disgust, he is unable to tap the powers of the robe, and so it sits in his chamber a constant thorn in his side.

Lord Baaran, and his high council members, send their loyal servants, the Dark Riders, across Ohr in the hopes of stopping the saviors from coming together. But unknown to lord Baaran, Master "Q", a member of the high council, is not who he appears to be. Master "Q" is not even human, but hails from a benevolent alien race that are not permitted to directly intervene, but offers aid and guidance to the saviors.

Craig and the others sneak into the city of Lorn, but are forced to battle their way into Baaran's manor. As they try to push their way into the manor Craig becomes separated from the others. Confronted by Baaran, before he is able to find the robe Craig finds himself struggling hopelessly to save himself. He receives unexpected aid in the form of a young besotted follower of the princess's, who while they were fighting their way into the manor, had snuck in. He had the robe and after tossing it to Craig beat a hasty retreat as Baaran's rage turned toward him. Taking advantage of Baaran's momentary distraction, Craig dons the robe and is infused with a heady sense of power. Craig is then able to defeat Baaran.

The victory celebration, however is short. As the saviors realize they have less then two years to stop "The Nameless One", the embodiment of evil worshipped by the Sakka from coming and enslaving all of Murrk.

This is the first book in the "Saviors of Murrk" series. The ensuing books take us through a series of trials the saviors must face before ending in a battle against "The Nameless One". In the final book, we learn that Murrk is not a different planet, but is in fact earth. An earth thousands of years after a world war had decimated it's population and changed it's face forever.

maestrowork
10-03-2004, 02:45 AM
At first glance, this is much better. You start with a brief character sketch so we know a bit about the protagonist (for cryin' out loud, this is the first time I realize he's a 16yo boy :grin -- it makes all the difference).

I think this is a good start. There should still be some tightening, error checks, etc. But at least I know how the plot would unfold, and who the major characters are, and what the ending would be, and that it is considered to be the first book of a series.

auntiebebo22
10-03-2004, 03:03 AM
Thank you Maestrowork! I have been taking everyone opinions very seriously, and I believe my work is reflecting that! :clap

veingloree
10-04-2004, 08:41 PM
I am not sure why you put in so many hard returns? You hvae the general outline here -- it could still be more concise and more elegantly phrased.

auntiebebo22
10-04-2004, 10:51 PM
Veingloree- You lost me my friend, i've no idea what you mean by hard returns. Can someone help me out?

maestrowork
10-05-2004, 03:06 AM
I think that's your paragraph breaks... but separate your paragraphs by a blank line -- it will make for an easier read.

auntiebebo22
10-05-2004, 04:33 AM
Thanks again Maestrowork, I put in the spaces. :jump