Sf/Fantasy synopsis..... Too long?????

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auntiebebo22

Craig was 16 and not happy to be on his uncle’s yacht. He would have rather spent his summer surfing, or playing volleyball with his friends on the beach. His parents however, felt otherwise. Concerned with his lack of ambition, they called in the family millionaire to straighten him out.

Caught in a storm, Craig is swept overboard and wakes in a strange place. Unknown to him this is no accident of fate. Figuring in a prophecy written by his own great, great, great... grandfather Craig finds himself cast into the unlikely role of savior. Along with three others described in the prophecy, Craig soon is embroiled in a battle to save Murrk.

As Craig travels the land in search of the other saviors, he is amazed by both the similarities, and the glaring differences between the two worlds. Surprised to find the language the same, a medieval social structure not unlike earth's past, and a Christian religion so like his own,which he finds particularly unnerving. This gives him his first suspicions of not being the only traveler to come from earth. He found the two suns, silver snow, and aqua marine grass quite unusual. But it was the animals that drew his fascination the most, for they looked like creatures found on earth that had been in a weird lab experiment. And some were intelligent. He also develops some startling abilities, first, levitation, then those of farsight, precognition, expert swordsmanship, and control over the elements.

One by one the saviors come together. A retired castellan, from the northern city of Meest, becomes Craig's mentor. A quiet and solemn priest of Gar, and a princess from the enemy kingdom of Marnock round out the four.

With the aid of Father Cal's visions the saviors realize they must retrieve the robe of power that once belonged to Craig's grandfather "Corrik the Red". Unfortunately to do this they must steal it from its current owner, Lord Baaran, leader of the Sakka. Much to Baaran's disgust, he is unable to tap the powers of the robe, and so it sits in his chamber a constant thorn in his side.

Lord Baaran sends the loyal servants of the Sakka, the Dark Riders, across Ohr in the hopes of stopping the saviors from coming together. But unknown to lord Baaran, Master "Q", a member of the high council, is not who he appears to be, and thwarts his every move.

Craig and the others sneak into the city of Lorn, but are forced to battle their way into Baaran's manor. Craig becomes separated from the others. Confronted by Baaran, before he is able to find the robe Craig finds himself struggling hopelessly to save himself. He receives aid in the form of a young thief who, while they were fighting their way into the manor, had slipped in and stolen it. Appearing suddenly, he tossed Craig the robe and distracted Baaran. Craig was infused with a heady sense of power as he donned the robe, and finally defeated Baaran.

The victory celebration however is short. As the saviors realize they have less then two years to stop "The Nameless One", the embodiment of evil worshipped by the Sakka from coming and enslaving all of Murrk.

This is the first book in the "Saviors of Murrk" series. The ensuing books take us through a series of trials the saviors must face before ending in a battle against "The Nameless One". In the final book, we learn that Murrk is not a different planet, but is in fact earth. An earth thousands of years after a world war had decimated it's population and changed it's face forever.
 

Nyki27

It's certainly not too long for an average synopsis - if anything, it could do with a little more fleshing out, and could then be cut if someone requests a shorter synopsis. You could say a little more about other important characters - you don't even give the names of Craig's companions. You could also give some indication, even just a sentence, how Craig meets each of them, since they are clearly crucial to the story. And you leave the comment about Master "Q" very ambiguous - publishers don't like "teasers" in a synopsis, they prefer to be told upfront what's going on.

One important thing, you switch a lot between past & present. A synopsis should be written completely in the present tense.
 

Writing Again

I think the important question is: The people you are submitting too: Have you read their guidelines? What do they want?

If they say they want a five page synopsis they don't want two or twenty.

My first step would be to find a likely publisher then check their guidelines.
 

Flawed Creation

I just want to say that i've seen the previos versions and i liked this version much better than previous ones- IMHO you've improved enormously. however, there are a few thngs left to fix up. these comments below are all purely my personal opinion.

Craig was 16 and not happy to be on his uncle’s yacht. He would have rather spent his summer surfing, or playing volleyball with his friends on the beach. His parents however, felt otherwise. Concerned with his lack of ambition, they called in the family millionaire to straighten him out.

Caught in a storm, Craig is swept overboard and wakes in a strange place. Unknown to him this is no accident of fate. Figuring in a prophecy written by his own great, great, great... grandfather Craig finds himself cast into the unlikely role of savior. Along with three others described in the prophecy, Craig soon is embroiled in a battle to save Murrk.

(this paragraph is interesting, but i wonder if you could strengthen the language a bit. for instance, "Caught in a storm, Craig is swept overboard and wakes in a strange place." could be "Craig is swept overboard by a storm and wakes in a strange place." my two cents.)


As Craig travels the land in search of the other saviors, he is amazed by both the similarities, and the glaring
differences between the two worlds.

(it took me a moment to connect it with the mention of him as savior a few lines ago. i would mention at this point the fact that there are 4 saviours. this makes it clearer what he's doing. )

Surprised to find the language the same, a medieval social structure not unlike earth's past, and a Christian religion so like his own,which he finds particularly unnerving.(this is a sentence fragment. the whole thing is a subordinate clause. it needs either something added to tell us what he does "surpised to etc." or change the beginning to "he is surprised to")

This gives him his first suspicions of not being the only traveler to come from earth.(I would advocate strengthening this sentence to "He begins to suspect that he is not the only traveler to come from earth" or even drop the begins and make it "he suspects that")

He found the two suns, silver snow, and aqua marine grass quite unusual.(here you change tense to past. previously you use present. Also, aquamarine is genereally written as one word [i think])

But it was the animals that drew his fascination the most, for they looked like creatures found on earth that had been in a weird lab experiment. And some were intelligent. He also develops some startling abilities, first, levitation, then those of farsight, precognition, expert swordsmanship, and control over the elements.

("drew his fascination" sounds awkward to me. the end of that sentences is a little unclear. finally, there is nothing connecting the animals to the maigc abilities in idea. as such i would suggest linking the two in some way or splitting it into two paragraphs. you mix your tenses here)

One by one the saviors come together. A retired castellan, from the northern city of Meest, becomes Craig's mentor. A quiet and solemn priest of Gar, and a princess from the enemy kingdom of Marnock round out the four.
(i would drop "quiet" as genereally one adjective is the most i would give a noun, and solemn includes quiet in my mind. I would also like to know what Gar is the god of, and possibly his relationship to the Christian church. i don't think you need the comma after the word "castellan".)

With the aid of Father Cal's visions the saviors realize they must retrieve the robe of power that once belonged to Craig's grandfather "Corrik the Red". Unfortunately to do this they must steal it from its current owner, Lord Baaran, leader of the Sakka. Much to Baaran's disgust, he is unable to tap the powers of the robe, and so it sits in his chamber a constant thorn in his side.
(put a comma after "unfortunately", and tell us who the Sakka are.)

Lord Baaran sends the loyal servants of the Sakka, the Dark Riders, across Ohr in the hopes of stopping the saviors from coming together. But unknown to lord Baaran, Master "Q", a member of the high council, is not who he appears to be, and thwarts his every move.

(What's up with Master "Q"? tell us! please?)

Craig and the others sneak into the city of Lorn, but are forced to battle their way into Baaran's manor. Craig becomes separated from the others. Confronted by Baaran, before he is able to find the robe Craig finds himself struggling hopelessly to save himself.(i think you'll want to drop the first comma) He receives aid in the form of a young thief who, while they were fighting their way into the manor, had slipped in and stolen it.(how about, "he receives aid from a young thief who slipped in and stole the robe while they were fighting." and i'd appreciate some mention of the thief beforehand, if he exists in the book before this.)

Appearing suddenly, he tossed Craig the robe and distracted Baaran. Craig was infused with a heady sense of power as he donned the robe, and finally defeated Baaran.
(your tenses are confused yet again.)

The victory celebration however is short. As the saviors realize they have less then two years to stop "The Nameless One", the embodiment of evil worshipped by the Sakka from coming and enslaving all of Murrk.
(if you must you however, put it in front. and rearrange the sentence with the Namelss one so it makes sense.)

This is the first book in the "Saviors of Murrk" series.

(see the thread on the novel writing board about the problems with series.)

The ensuing books take us through a series of trials the saviors must face before ending in a battle against "The Nameless One". In the final book, we learn that Murrk is not a different planet, but is in fact earth. An earth thousands of years after a world war had decimated it's population and changed it's face forever. (it would be nice if you mentioned how he actualy got to Murrk.)
 
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