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TeddyG
10-24-2006, 10:54 AM
(Before You Begin Reading This Be Warned There Is Use of Sexual Graphic Visuals In The Following and Adult Language)

(The Mods may decide to move this to OP or wherever - BUT I really think it does belong here! It is believe it or not a serious piece)

Deep Throat

Oh so many years ago when Pornography was becoming front page news, a movie came out which soon hit the front pages, the courts, the gossip mags...every high school and college kid knew about this movie called "Deep Throat". The premise of this movie, if you will excuse me for being a bit graphic here, was that the woman actress mainly loved giving oral sex because she was born with her clitoris buried deep in the back of her throat. Thus all orgasms originated in her oral orifice. (Of course, just as a footnote, yours truly, did meet the main male actor in this movie, drove him home from the airport and otherwise shmoozed with him.)

Now Deep Throat was picked upon to be the example par excellence of the court cases against/for pornography and free speech. That discussion and argument played itself out. However, the original premise of the movie was clear. Some people tend to have a much better orgasm by only using their mouths. Indeed, some people can only orgasm when they use their mouths and throat.

We must now meet another Deep Throat. This is the name the famous reporter team of Woodward-Bernstein gave their source (I have no idea if the source was ever discovered) in their expose of Nixon and Watergate.

Deep Throat here was an anonymous person. Deep Throat was someone who time after time delivered true facts and evidence about what really went on in the Nixon White House.

One thing about Deep Throat though. Whatever he said, demanded corroboration. More so, no reporter would ever quote Deep Throat and quote another anonymous source to prove Deep Throat was correct. Hiding behind names was a one-step process. It did not extend down the line to infinity - so that others involved in the conspiracy could protect themselves.

It is funny that Deep Throat was picked as the name. After all we must assume the original Deep Throat was doing this for a reason. That he/she wanted to see Nixon gone. And thus every time his little tidbits were fed to the press and they set off a furor we can only assume that his/her throat erupted in one of those great orgasms that were portrayed in the original movie. (even though Deep Throat is assumed to be male).

And so we now have laid the background for our modern day parable. We arrive at the orgiastic parties currently being given on the Internet. The literary world of the internet certainly has its own Deep Throat. An anonymous individual has arisen from the ashes of manuscript hell to show the plebeians, the tired, the stupid, the disenchanted - just what we are doing wrong. Tidbits are released on to a blog and in less than a few hours our very own Deep Throat is being lauded, praised, laughed with - not only is Deep Throat enjoying orgiastic pleasure but all the tiny minions in the kingdom of the literary world are enjoying it as well. Shared Multiple Orgasms. Heaven!

Now our own modern Deep Throat is much like the one from Woodward-Bernstein fame coupled with the actress who was born with such an anomaly. Deep Throat is for all intent and purpose, anonymous, we have no clue who this person is (and actually no real proof she is really a she) and our own modern Literary - Internet Deep Throat Persona does receive some orgiastic pleasure from her own wit in her posts. There are a lot of parallels here. Some clear, some, one must use a vivid imagination to portray. Writers should, by definition, have vivid imaginations.

BUT what is clear is that even Deep Throat in her own high and mighty chair of giving advice and offering wit, cannot Deep Throat us to another Deep Throat. That is very hard to swallow, (pun totally intended.) You get one level of anonymity. You get one chance at showing us that you are for real. You cannot offer, give, lend or otherwise lead the hordes of writers that have any self-respect left (okay there are only very few) from one anonymous poster to another to another.

And so it came to pass that many males and females all over the globe dreamed of being Deep Throats. They realized that they differed in one critical aspect from the Nixon White house Deep Throat. There was simply no accountability. And thus Doctors offices all over the world were swarmed with strange requests to move the clitoris from where it belonged to a place deep back in the throat. Indeed so many requests were made to have this done, that scientists became confused just how to categorize this new trend. You see, if everyone ends up having a clitoris in the back of their throat, then the ones who don't become the exception. And thus lots of little brains out there dreamed of rising to stardom after a few years of high school education and go out to the world of power and fame and fortune. All they needed to do was voila - become a Deep Throat.

Thus as time went on, many many people began to rearrange their biological placement of certain organs, and they go about with borrowed wit and no knowledge, and even less brains to Deep Throat the hapless world of writers as well.

There was one bit of a problem though with all this medical attention to the throat. Since now the orgasm originated near the brain when the orgasm was particularly intense it usually served to scramble the brains of all these new Deep Throats. They became disoriented, their remarks even more witless and dumb and their craving for power grew ever more needy.

What created even a greater problem is often two people with the same life-changing operation got together to offer a double whammy orgasm to the crowds of innocents drinking in their words. Thus it was often the case that one deep throat tickled the other and vice-versa. One needs no imagination to know the consequences of such foreplay. The "Double-Whammy-Multiple-Throat-Orgasm" came into existence. One Deep Throat showing us wisdom while quoting the next Deep Throat in line, until we, the people, found ourselves carressing our own mice with a love that is unnatural.

And so as time went on and so many Deep Throats populated the electronic byways of the Internet, many of those who chose to stay with their own original bodies intact were subject again and again to some great need by the Deep Throaters for maximizing orgiastic pleasure while meeting out witless stupid remarks upon a thirsty populace. And whereas one Deep Throat is nice to watch and cool to think about, too many of them confused and muddied the possibility of ever allowing the chance for a poor simple person to achieve orgasm - unless they too had an operation.

So to all the writers out there always remember - If you want to hear the gurgling of a deep throat again and again somewhere along the line you are going to forget all the pleasure involved in the plain-old-born-created-molded female body.

And worse, you might even forget just how real children are created.

bookgeek
10-25-2006, 06:26 AM
Teddy, I liked this! I think I agree. I'm not a terrifically big fan of the literary Deep Throat of whom you speak (and here I will say: I think I'm 98.9% sure I know who it is. Can I reveal your source?) (No, wait! No. If I do, will the CIA get me for revealing state secrets? And if they do, will there be a big trial?) (If there is a big trial, will CNN cover it? And if CNN covers it, will I be interviewed by that way cute Anderson Cooper? Because I'll only reveal state secrets if Anderson Cooper personally interviews me)(and then takes me out for drinks).

I think it's interesting to read the Deep Throat lady's blurbs once in awhile. And I'm not opposed to letting certain people know, in no uncertain terms, that they're bad writers and may want to rethink that Great American Novel idea (because some people just shouldn't write, period...not even grocery lists). But sometimes the dripping sarcasm gets to be a bit much. And that's coming from someone who is a diehard fan of dripping sarcasm.

So, I haven't read this Deep Throat in awhile and, until now, was totally unaware that Deep Throat was Deep Throating other Deep Throaters out there on the 'net. Which just seems kind of...kind of...are they using any kind of protection, these Deep Throats? Honestly. It all sounds a bit unsafe in this day and age, not to mention lewdly promiscuous.

Anyway. I liked your post and give it 2 thumbs up and an Amy Pulitzer. How many writers can link 70's pornography, a political scandal, and literature in one piece? Gooooooo Teddy!

Also, I would like you to know: After I finished reading your post, I had to drink a really big glass of water just to get rid of the uncomfortable itchy sensation of a clitoris at the back of my throat. I'm still kind of gagging.

Ew, Teddy. Ew. :)

bookgeek
10-25-2006, 07:08 AM
Well, dangit, Teddy. I just read your "Give Me A Break" thread. And now I'm all deflated: Not only was I not as clever as I thought I was being, now I also can't reveal Literary Deep Throat's identity. Which means I don't get interviewed by CNN, and Anderson Cooper will NOT be taking me out for drinks. Plus, I'm still hacking due to that clitoris reference.

*sigh* It's okay. I'm used to it. I'm used to being the last one in on the joke.

..........I still say they should be using protection, though. It's dangerous out there. All kinds of stuff going around.

TrainofThought
10-26-2006, 04:54 AM
My boss should read this thread, so she will never call me Deep Throat again. And no, I donít have a clitoris in the back of my throat.