How does YOUR Personal Ad read?

dclary · Oct 11, 2006

On the verge of hijacking the fashion thread with this I decided to start a new one.

If you were to place a personal ad today, what would it say about you? As an additionally fun game, write a personal ad for a famous personality and have people guess who you're talking about.

Here's mine:

Young-at-heart 30-something looking for friendship and possibly more with a woman who loves laughing, enjoys the simple pleasures, and can put up with sharing a man with hobbits, vulcans, and messerschmidts. I'm not a vampire, but daylight is my enemy, and if you need someone to watch movies till dawn, talk till the cows come home, or lan-battle against your neighbors, then I'm your man.

And the celebrity would be:

Aging scholar seeking partner for travel and adventure. A love of ancient languages and relics, a deep respect for history and religion, and museums. I don't mind if you have pets. Just no snakes.

jbal · Oct 11, 2006

Indiana Jones?

dclary · Oct 11, 2006

Yup! Your turn!

jbal · Oct 11, 2006

Mine:Wingman who can finish the job, hung like a goldfish. Boyfriend can't cut it alone? Looking to be insulted and degraded? I'm at least half your man, baby.

Celeb: old but still relevant guy, not as jerky as I probably seem, looking to hook up with equally trashy woman and carry her blood in a jar.

maestrowork · Oct 11, 2006

Billy Bob Thornton.

Mine: Stocky, porky, pinkish, loves dining in and out, needs a woman to come clean my sty and bear a few piglets. Long lasting climaxes. Have great relationships with sheep (but not what you think).

Celeb: dashing, extremely handsome and agile, travel around the world for high energy adventures and dangerous stunts. No time for regular gorgeous women. Want love, especially from Russia, who knows how to make a martini.

robeiae · Oct 11, 2006

Spooky?

Mine: Wanted man in Mississippi, wanted man in ol' Cheyenne, Wherever you might look tonight you might see this wanted man...seeks adventurous flirt, no strings.

Celeb: Beautiful woman seeks no one.

Freckles · Oct 11, 2006

Ha! These are great...no women yet? I'll take a stab at it:

Intelligent, driven 20-something female looking for friendship (or romance) with a man who is compassionate, determined and not afraid to laugh - it's the best medicine. And a little chivalry goes a long way too.

Maryn · Oct 11, 2006

I could easily see myself blowing tonight's writing time creating the perfect personals ad. Does anybody else ever see Harvard magazine? (No, I didn't go there.) Its personals ads are so over the top they're unintentionally hilarious. Stuff like "Accomplished surgeon responsible for saving thousands annually, athletic 50s, shockingly handsome, equally at ease on the Lido or Champs-Elysées..." Gag me. There's a reason this person is available.

Maryn, who'll keep Mr. Maryn

Cath · Oct 11, 2006

Brilliant, busty brunette seeks old geezer with lots of money, a serious heart defect and a good probate lawyer.

Cath, who, like Maryn, prefers to stick with hubby...

BradyH1861 · Oct 11, 2006

I prefer to stick with my boss, I mean wife, too. However, if I were to have a personal add, it would go something like this.

Wanted: Woman, 18-45 with a pickup truck and bass boat. Must send picture of truck and boat.

I have a sign posted outside my "office" at home. It says:

Shoes and shirt required. Panties and bra optional.

Brady

Opty · Oct 11, 2006

dclary said:
If you were to place a personal ad today, what would it say about you?

"30-year-old penis. Slightly used. $50 or best offer."

TsukiRyoko · Oct 11, 2006

I'm sure anything I have to say about myself will cause people to stop reading the papers all together

.

maestrowork · Oct 11, 2006

DrSpork said:
"30-year-old penis. Slightly used. $50 or best offer."

John Wayne Bobbit!

C.bronco · Oct 11, 2006

Witty, ingenious and accomodating author seeks red hot agent, male or female! Prefers chili dogs to sushi. Lunch is on you.

cree · Oct 11, 2006

here's mine....

30-something smart-mouthed woman, looks best in bar lighting just before last call, enjoys nonsense conversations and sneaking cigarettes on the back porch while the dog takes a dump. Seeking man without Git-r-Done truck mudflaps for candlelight TV-tray dinners in front of Mythbusters. Plumbing experience and clean teeth a plus. Must love kids. There's a few running around here, I think.

BradyH1861 · Oct 11, 2006

Cree.......

I think I might be your ideal man. Too bad I'm taken.

Brady

TsukiRyoko · Oct 11, 2006

Liaison, Brady.

ColoradoGuy · Oct 11, 2006

Maryn said:
I could easily see myself blowing tonight's writing time creating the perfect personals ad. Does anybody else ever see Harvard magazine? (No, I didn't go there.) Its personals ads are so over the top they're unintentionally hilarious. Stuff like "Accomplished surgeon responsible for saving thousands annually, athletic 50s, shockingly handsome, equally at ease on the Lido or Champs-Elysées..." Gag me. There's a reason this person is available.

Maryn who'll keep Mr. Maryn

For Maryn, from the New York Review personals. You really can't make stuff up this good.

APPEALINGLY THIN, beautiful inside and out, yet so much more. Embraces life, expressive, unafraid of joy. Divorced, 5'8". Adventurous in spirit, calm and quiet in manner, laughs a lot, open, deep thinker. Radiantly alive, interested in the human condition, politically liberal. Relishes third-world adventures, outdoor activities, skiing, hiking, blueberry pie, reading The Economist, Mozart piano sonatas. Midwestern roots, international outlook, lived abroad. Savors tapas in Barcelona, trekking in Turkey, galleries in Paris, snuggling together at home. Seeking fit, caring, professional man (50s–68) with an intellectual bent, active interests, and good heart—Boston area.

pconsidine · Oct 11, 2006

Personal ad? Are you effing kidding me? Okay, I guess it would go something like this:

Male, 30s, cynical and too smart for his own good, seeks female MENSA member with an interest in theoretical physics, a razor-sharp wit, and an hourglass figure for an occasional night out. Only children preferred.

Celebrity?

Get back to you on that one.

cree · Oct 11, 2006

Brady --

http://www.rangerboats.com/flash/zSeries.cfm

LOL!

maestrowork · Oct 11, 2006

pconsidine said:
Only children preferred.

Not saying it... not saying it... not saying it...

pconsidine · Oct 11, 2006

maestrowork said:
Not saying it... not saying it... not saying it...

If you ever met my former sister-in-law, you wouldn't even have to wonder. Eesh.

cree · Oct 11, 2006

pconsidine said:
If you ever met my former sister-in-law, you wouldn't even have to wonder. Eesh.

I'm hoping you mean she had no siblings.
Words + words + multiple meanings = cree scratches head and wonders about pconsidine.

pconsidine · Oct 11, 2006

I'd try to clear it up, but I suspect it would only make it worse.

Maryn · Oct 12, 2006

Scratching is what makes it worse. At least that's what Mom said.

Maryn, debating venturing outdoors under charcoal skies

How does YOUR Personal Ad read?

Unabashed Mercenary

Unabashed Mercenary

Fear the Death Ray

Touch and go

Oooh, the Rainbow Connection

At Sea

The mean one

Hold Fast.

Forced into cell phone life

Fear the Death Ray

I have plans...

Hold Fast.

Forced into cell phone life

I've seen worse.

Too Adorkable for Words

Fear the Death Ray

Too Adorkable for Words

Too Adorkable for Words

At Sea