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erika
10-11-2006, 12:22 AM
My youngest daughter is almost four and is difficult. Sweet and cute but difficult. She has a speech and language delay which complicates things, is prone to tantrums and has the attention span of a gnat (unless the TV's on). Basically, your average 3 1/2 year old. However, she is certainly unique and her lack of attentiveness has raised more than a few eyebrows at her preschool. I'm currently pursuing speech therapy for her, but here are my questions.

First, are we wrong to put artificial standards on our children? Just because society says she should be talking in complete, intelligible sentences, does that mean I should rush her to a speech therapist? Second, as for her behavior (which I agree can be bad at times), should I use corporal punishment? We spanked our oldest and she's a very compliant, pleasant child, but I'm reluctant to spank Jordan for the simple fact that she has an anger management problem as it is (yes, inherited from mom). Which brings me to my third question. Why do we as a culture tend to view spanking as unenlightened and time-outs as a discipline tool for the upper-class?

I honestly don't know if my daughter is mentally deficient, a manipulative genius or just so completely different from me that I have difficulty understanding her. A little guidance is needed. Thanks in advance.

Kate Thornton
10-11-2006, 12:28 AM
Erika, have you considered taking her to a pediatrician for a complete physical workup? Sometimes a minor imbalance or vitamin deficiency or infection can cause speech & behavior differences in children. Make sure she's completely physically healthy first. Your pediatrician may recommend diet modification, medicine, schedule modification or other professional help. It's good to get problems cleared up early before there is an impact on learning abilities. And she didn't inherit an anger management problem! If she has one, that will need addressing too.

Best of luck, Mommy!

dclary
10-11-2006, 12:41 AM
My youngest daughter is almost four and is difficult. Sweet and cute but difficult. She has a speech and language delay which complicates things, is prone to tantrums and has the attention span of a gnat (unless the TV's on). Basically, your average 3 1/2 year old. However, she is certainly unique and her lack of attentiveness has raised more than a few eyebrows at her preschool. I'm currently pursuing speech therapy for her, but here are my questions.

First, are we wrong to put artificial standards on our children? Just because society says she should be talking in complete, intelligible sentences, does that mean I should rush her to a speech therapist? Second, as for her behavior (which I agree can be bad at times), should I use corporal punishment? We spanked our oldest and she's a very compliant, pleasant child, but I'm reluctant to spank Jordan for the simple fact that she has an anger management problem as it is (yes, inherited from mom). Which brings me to my third question. Why do we as a culture tend to view spanking as unenlightened and time-outs as a discipline tool for the upper-class?

I honestly don't know if my daughter is mentally deficient, a manipulative genius or just so completely different from me that I have difficulty understanding her. A little guidance is needed. Thanks in advance.


She has a speech and language delay which complicates things.Speech and language mixups in the brain are neither indicative of great intelligence nor mental deficiency. This just means her brain works differently. It would not be a bad idea for you guys to go to family therapy, though, at a neurolingual counselor who can help you learn to communicate more effectively through the mechanisms your daughter does have.


Has the attention span of a gnat (unless the TV's on).In all seriousness, children shouldn't be exposed to television in large quantities until they're 8 or 9.


Her lack of attentiveness has raised more than a few eyebrows at her preschool.That's just meddlesome busybodies. Ignore them. Teach your daughter to ignore them too.


First, are we wrong to put artificial standards on our children? This depends on what you mean by artificial. All children come into this world not knowing their purpose, place, or boundaries. It's your job as a parent to provide all three of those during their formative years. They may change their purpose, they'll definitely want to change their place, and boundaries were made to broken. But the structure has to be there just the same.


Just because society says she should be talking in complete, intelligible sentences, does that mean I should rush her to a speech therapist? If your daughter can *communicate* then don't worry about her methodology. As long as who she's communicating with can understand her.


Second, as for her behavior (which I agree can be bad at times), should I use corporal punishment? We spanked our oldest and she's a very compliant, pleasant child, but I'm reluctant to spank Jordan for the simple fact that she has an anger management problem as it is.Why would her anger management issues affect the methods of discipline you use? What you need to do is make sure YOU don't have an anger management issue when you discipline your child. Discipline based on the actual action, not your emotional reaction to it.


Why do we as a culture tend to view spanking as unenlightened and time-outs as a discipline tool for the upper-class?Because the vast majority of child psychologists out there are fanatical devotees of Spock's book, and because of socialists and communists. They hate parents who have strong wills and the strength to discipline with tough love, because they know they can't dominate people like that. They want weak parents to raise weak children so they can consume their minds and souls.


I honestly don't know if my daughter is mentally deficient, a manipulative genius or just so completely different from me that I have difficulty understanding her. This is something you really should get a professional opinion on. You wouldn't ask us what's wrong with your car by describing the symptoms. If you'll trust your car with a mechanic, then shouldn't you trust your child with a doctor?

Silver King
10-11-2006, 02:38 AM
Why do we as a culture tend to view spanking as unenlightened
Because it's wrong and proves the limitations of imagination some parents have when dealing with behavioral issues. There's never a good reason to spank children, especially one as young as three. Instead of correcting a problem, you'll create barricades of mistrust and hatred, in addition to teaching your child that physical violence is acceptable.

I was brought up by a father who favored the belt and a mother who did plenty of slapping and hair pulling. Until I went to college, even the schools I attended resorted to corporal punishment (paddling). I vowed never to strike my children, and I've raised four (still working on the last one) without breaking that promise. This doesn't mean I haven't been at my wits end and WANTED to spank my kids, but I've refrained from doing so from the simple knowledge that physical punishments are ineffective. And besides, I don't want to hurt my children.

My sister, on the other hand, is raising her two boys in the same kind of environment we grew up in. Two weeks ago, her oldest son was arrested for beating up his own father. Now that my nephew is older, he's reacting outwardly in much the same way as he's been taught.

erika
10-11-2006, 03:07 AM
Thanks for the comments. I should have given a little background. I've taken my daughter to numerous pediatricians and therapists. She's scheduled to see a developmental pediatrician in Dec. (not easy to get in to see those guys).

Let me state this for every mother out there. PEDIATRICIANS THAT DON'T SPECIALIZE IN CHILDHOOD DEVELOPMENT ARE CLUELESS ABOUT DEVELOPMENTAL ISSUES. No offense to doctors out there, but you'd laugh if you knew what I've been told by various doctors. I didn't put this question out because I haven't asked it before. I'm putting it out here cause I've yet to get any reliable info from anyone.

There are books that deal with sensory integration dysfunction and other such problems. They're somewhat helpful, but then I come up against someone like the school therapist who suggests that Jordan's entire problem is behavioral. In other words, throw "Out of Sync Child" away and start sitting her in the corner.

Give me a paper or an essay to write, put me in a debate with James Carville or give me differential equations to solve. But with Jordan, I'm at an impasse.

dclary
10-11-2006, 03:08 AM
Because it's wrong and proves the limitations of imagination some parents have when dealing with behavioral issues. There's never a good reason to spank children, especially one as young as three. Instead of correcting a problem, you'll create barricades of mistrust and hatred, in addition to teaching your child that physical violence is acceptable.

I was brought up by a father who favored the belt and a mother who did plenty of slapping and hair pulling. Until I went to college, even the schools I attended resorted to corporal punishment (paddling). I vowed never to strike my children, and I've raised four (still working on the last one) without breaking that promise. This doesn't mean I haven't been at my wits end and WANTED to spank my kids, but I've refrained from doing so from the simple knowledge that physical punishments are ineffective. And besides, I don't want to hurt my children.

My sister, on the other hand, is raising her two boys in the same kind of environment we grew up in. Two weeks ago, her oldest son was arrested for beating up his own father. Now that my nephew is older, he's reacting outwardly in much the same way as he's been taught.

Wrong is a societal attribution. It may be wrong for you, but not the OP.

It shows a close-minded attitude to say never about anything -- including corporal punishment.

In some cases, physical violence IS acceptable, and to teach a child otherwise is wrong.

Everyone comes from different backgrounds. What works for one family does not work for another. You seem like you turned out ok, and yet you've vowed not to use the parenting method that got you to where you are. It's a shame about your nephew though. And a shame that you think corporal punishment is the only reason why he's so violent.

TsukiRyoko
10-11-2006, 03:34 AM
1- No, I don't think you should rush her off to a speech therapist. My younger sister didn't talk properly until she was four, and I had to talk for her (they even have it on video tape). Even though I became the more literate one, she's perfectly fine. A bit of a b!tch, but she's as normal as any 14 yr old.

2. Time outs don't do crap. After a while, they realize that standing in a corner for 20 minutes isn't that bad. Even I realized it as a kid. They won't do anything. Don't beat the kid, but spanking will do the job (technically, they're legal lol), because no matter how much shorter a spanking is, is still sucks mor ethan standing in the corner.

3. Because America is full of stuffy crack smoking pricks who wear Armani and Gucci and can't tie their shoes. With freedom comes dillholes, I guess.

Christine N.
10-11-2006, 03:55 AM
Well, when my boy was younger, we did give him a disciplinary spanking once in a while. Why? Because it was immediate and taught that the behavior had consequences. When a child is unable to understand 'time-out' or 'talking to', the little paddle on the bum is able to be grasped, because pain is understood, and equated with the behavior.

Now that he's almost 4, a good raised voice and a 'go to your room' actually does the trick. Sometimes he still tries to get away with stuff (what kid doesn't) but now he understands WHY we're upset and what he did was wrong, so we've pretty much put away the spanking. (I would NEVER, EVER use an impliment either, that's just barbaric IMO. A hand does just fine and relays the message) He's become much better behaved, but has the occasional tantrum. His teachers say he's well behaved, because he's told that if he isn't, he'll be punished when he gets home - loss of privilege like TV or something else he wants to do or being made to sit in his room.

Of course, I'm the mom that makes her almost 4 year old do chores. Nothing big - he has to make his bed every day, feed the dog, clean up his toys, and make sure his dirty clothes go in the hamper. Every Saturday he gets $.50 if he's done his jobs all week.

IMO, there's no one 'right' way, but the parent has to be flexible as the child grows and changes. I'm not against spanking, I am against abuse, and there IS a line b/w discipline and abuse.

Honey, I don't know what to tell you about Jordan. This is just my experience. But Ryan was a pretty willful child too. As far as the speech, I firmly believe my son started speaking early because I taught him some sign language, and he learned to communicate that way. And reading to him, etc.. I'm sure had some impact, but since he learned to communicate with his hands he made the transition to speech rather easily.

Maybe she's having tantrums because she's frustrated she can't communicate well? That's what they say with smaller children; hence the signing. I hope the doctors can help.

dclary
10-11-2006, 03:58 AM
Well, when my boy was younger, we did give him a disciplinary spanking once in a while. Why? Because it was immediate and taught that the behavior had consequences. When a child is unable to understand 'time-out' or 'talking to', the little paddle on the bum is able to be grasped, because pain is understood, and equated with the behavior.

Now that he's almost 4, a good raised voice and a 'go to your room' actually does the trick. Sometimes he still tries to get away with stuff (what kid doesn't) but now he understands WHY we're upset and what he did was wrong, so we've pretty much put away the spanking. (I would NEVER, EVER use an impliment either, that's just barbaric IMO. A hand does just fine and relays the message) He's become much better behaved, but has the occasional tantrum. His teachers say he's well behaved, because he's told that if he isn't, he'll be punished when he gets home - loss of privilege like TV or something else he wants to do or being made to sit in his room.

Of course, I'm the mom that makes her almost 4 year old do chores. Nothing big - he has to make his bed every day, feed the dog, clean up his toys, and make sure his dirty clothes go in the hamper. Every Saturday he gets $.50 if he's done his jobs all week.

IMO, there's no one 'right' way, but the parent has to be flexible as the child grows and changes. I'm not against spanking, I am against abuse, and there IS a line b/w discipline and abuse.

Honey, I don't know what to tell you about Jordan. This is just my experience. But Ryan was a pretty willful child too. As far as the speech, I firmly believe my son started speaking early because I taught him some sign language, and he learned to communicate that way. And reading to him, etc.. I'm sure had some impact, but since he learned to communicate with his hands he made the transition to speech rather easily.

Maybe she's having tantrums because she's frustrated she can't communicate well? That's what they say with smaller children; hence the signing. I hope the doctors can help.

Well said, C.

SherryTex
10-11-2006, 03:59 AM
Dear Erika,

These are the decisions that make parents loose sleep.
You hit on a couple of points.

1) Speech --speech difficulties are the easiest of all to correct if begun in earnest early. One of my sons has a speech impediment and I delayed in dealing with it, but now I wish I hadn't, it has hindered his skills in reading.
Children should be completely comprehensible by the age of 5, this is a developmental milestone, not institutional or artificial constraint of society. It is hard to face -believe me I know, but it is worth it. Make sure you ask around to get a good speech therapist --there are lots of parents who have kids that have received this sort of intervention. That being said, some kids are just late bloomers, if this is the case, the speech lessons do no harm and they allow peace of mind.

2) Children can have difficulty with anger because they are unable to communicate their needs successfully with words. The first might lead to a lessoning of the second.

3) Spanking can be a successful tool in a parent's arsenal of methods of discipline. I don't prefer it, but if a child is injuring someone else or endangering themselves, willfully destroying things or acting in an extreemly defiant and disrespectful way, a pop on the bottom can sometimes get the message across. It depends on the kid, it depends on the circumstance, and it depends upon your judgement as a parent, is this over the top warranting the most serious of all consequences? I have found that a simple cuff on the nose with two fingers --not hard, has worked well with one of my sons that was prone to temper tantrums, instead of time out.

Another kid was better served by a chair --labeled as the I'm angry chair, which also had a punching pillow.

A third we were able to calm down from her rages by holding her and rocking and rubbing her feet. Calm, she could hear what we wanted her to do.

Speech difficulties have nothing to do with intellegence or talent, but they hamper a child's ability to showcase their unique skills. Trust your mom instincts, they won't lead you wrong. Good luck to you.
Keep us posted.

Take care, Sherrytex

Ol' Fashioned Girl
10-11-2006, 04:09 AM
I will preface this by saying: I have no children.

Now, I will say what first came to mind after reading this thread: I'm married to the elder of a set of identical twins. One (mine, fortunately) is a wonderful, caring, open, giving, loving individual. The other is an @$$ho1e who lies, cheated on his soon-to-be-wife on the night before their wedding, and embezzled thousands of dollars from their aged, ill father. They were born within minutes of one another, raised in the same house, by the same two people, and both were spanked when they got out of line.

There's a LOT to that 'nature vs. nurture' argument on the 'nature' side... and I used to believe the other way until I got involved with these two.

In my own home, when I was growing up, my situation was much the same as Silver King's. Hostile, unhappy, mentally and verbally abusive mother with a tendency toward small physical punishments. I turned out okay, too... but where SK vowed never to hit his kids, I vowed never to have any at all.

Spankings obviously work with some kids and don't work with others... and sometimes work in ways you don't predict. Same with time outs or taking privileges/toys/etc. away. Your job is to find out what works with your daughter and you're on your way.

Sarita
10-11-2006, 04:20 AM
I think discipline needs to fit the child. When I was growing up, I literally only had to be spanked once and that was because my parents tried talking to me about that one thing (er-picking holes in the window screen) several times to no avail. They never had to do it before that and they never had to do it again. I was the kind of child who was affected by nonphysical punishment. My brother, on the other hand, didn't care what you said or took away, he was going to do what he wanted. He got a few more spanks than I did.

I would reiterate that you not resort to spanking just when you're angry or frustrated, but be sure the child understands why they're getting the spanks. IMO, 3 is still too young for spanking, but each child is different. I hope you get things worked out for little Jordan... :)

Silver King
10-11-2006, 05:03 AM
You seem like you turned out ok, and yet you've vowed not to use the parenting method that got you to where you are.
I've always held an enormous grudge toward my folks for their disciplinary methods. What it did teach me, however, is how best NOT to raise children.

The most difficult job I've ever had was raising kids. A close second was to restrain the urge to spank them. There was never a time I felt the need to strike them when I wasn't angry; it would seem that I'd benefit myself only, in the short term, by taking my aggression out on my kids as a form of release.

One thing I've found which works well, when used in moderation, is the fear of spanking, the threat of it, without delivering the actual goods. The fear of the unknown can be a great parenting tool. It also helps that my anger is fierce and palpable, though nonviolent, and has a way of scaring the living daylights out of anyone within a hundred yards, let alone children. I accomplish this without ever raising my voice, either.:)

Every family is different, as is every child. I can't advocate one form of child rearing over another, but I can try to express what has worked for me over the years.

Ol' Fashioned Girl
10-11-2006, 05:26 AM
My great-grandmother used to tell her charges, when they merited a spanking, "One week from today, at exactly noon, I'm going to whip you for that."

They got to contemplate their fates for one full week, and pray a lot she'd forget... but she never did. ;)

kristie911
10-11-2006, 05:32 AM
I was never spanked as a child...fortunately for my parents I was a good child and a stern word from my dad was enough to put me in tears, so spanking was never necessary.

Now I am raising a very independent, strong-willed though delightful child who more than once has gotten a spanking. He's 2 years old. Now let me say, my definition of spanking is a quick pop on his diapered bottom and reserved for things like biting, hitting and head-butting. I could never turn him over my knee and spank him. Well, at least I don't think I'll be able to but I've got a few years of child rearing to go yet! :)

Carole
10-11-2006, 05:39 AM
I firmly believe that all children are unique individuals and should be treated as such, but standards are like cliches. They seem to exist because they are mostly true. If there is a measureable difference (developmentally) between her and her peers, then there may be cause for concern.

When my boys were little, they did get spanked. Thing is, a single swat on the back of the hand and a stern "no!" worked fine. It was almost like the fact that I was upset enough to swat them upset them more and made them think twice the second time. My hard and fast rule was never to spank out of anger, because to me that was simply venting my anger on them. That isn't corrective, in my opinion. On the rare occasion that they did merit a true butt-spanking, I sent them to my room to sit on my bed and wait. (I didn't have the patience to wait a week!) That way, I was certain I was totally cool and they got to worry a little.

Carole
10-11-2006, 05:44 AM
One thing I've found which works well, when used in moderation, is the fear of spanking, the threat of it, without delivering the actual goods. The fear of the unknown can be a great parenting tool.


That's kinda funny, actually. I tried that for a while and all my boys learned was that they weren't going to get spanked regardless of what I threatened! Then again, I am a royal pushover.

expatbrat
10-11-2006, 07:08 AM
has the attention span of a gnat
.

I'm not a mum (yet) and there are some great comments on here from mothers who know so I won't comment on anything but the attention span.

We were taught at swimming-coach-school that children have an attention span of their age plus one. So a 4yr old will have an attention span of five minutes. After this time you will need to change what they are doing or they will get bored and go find something else interesting to do - which probably will not be what you want them doing.

I always keep this in mind and actually change activites at least as often as their age minus one to account for those who get bored more easily.

There is a theory that children who are bored more easily are smarter.

writerterri
10-11-2006, 07:29 AM
It's probably a good idea to do it before she enters kindergarten.

estateconnection
10-11-2006, 08:02 AM
Discipline based on the actual action, not your emotional reaction to it.

Thank you for saying that. As stupid as it probably sounds, I never thought about it like that. It is tough to separate, but what you said pretty much puts it into perspective.

And Erika, good luck with your daughter. I have a willful, temper-tantrumy 3 1/2 year old. He communicates perfectly--too perfectly, but the behavior! Not to over-simplify, but perhaps your daughter is not challenged enough in school. I'm not suggesting she should be dual-enrolled in AP courses, but barring anything physical like hearing, perhaps she's bored.

Soccer Mom
10-11-2006, 08:49 AM
My $.02 as both a mother with a speech delayed child and someone with learning disabilities herself.

Yes to the speech therapist. Speech is never easier to correct than at a young age. Difficulties in communication are often a big cause of tantrums and difficulties due to the anger and frustration.

Second, don't give into emotional blackmail from her and don't ever let her play the "I can't" card. She can. She can learn. She can speak. It isn't easy but she can do it. They told my mother she might think about vocational school for me someday. I was five.

Now that I not only read and write, but make my primary living using my law degree I can laugh at the limitations others tried to place on me. But I credit my mother who never let me settle for "can't." I also credit the fabulous people at Easter Seal who gave me the skills I need to succeed in life.

You are doing the right thing by seeking a specialist. Don't wait until she is in school and starts to fall behind. Phonics only works if you understand the sounds.

Good luck and hang in there.

Southern_girl29
10-11-2006, 10:14 AM
My cousin's children were both speech delayed. The oldest got help in kindergarten; his sister, who is two years younger, got help starting when she was about three. You wouldn't believe the difference in the two. His speech problems, as someone mentioned earlier, caused a delay in his reading. He still has problems expressing himself verbally, especially when he's upset, and he's almost 10. His sister is reading at the same level he is and has no speech problems any more at all. Of course, it could be the difference in the two children, but their ped said it has to do with the earlier intervention.

As for spanking, I will never believe that not spanking makes someone a weak parent. I have spanked my three year old, but I am planning not to do it again. I don't like the way it made me feel or the way it made her feel. One of the problems I have with it is that we try to teach our children not to hit, but if we spank, we are teaching them it is ok to hit someone smaller than us. That's not a lesson I want her to learn. She sits in the corner for three minutes when she does something she's not supposed to do. It works pretty well, and when her time is up, we explain why she had to sit there and have her repeat it to us.

We've also started other forms of punishment. She likes to play on noggin.com and nickjr.com in the afternoons after I get home. I usually let her for about 30 minutes an afternoon. However, if she's had a bad day at the babysitter or at preschool, I take it away. This hurts her pretty bad. My husband won't spank at all. He was physically abused by his father, and he refuses to participate in physical punishment.

The thing is that while I don't agree with spanking, I don't judge others for not doing it. It isn't right for us, but that doesn't mean it isn't right for someone else. I really try not to judge someone else's parenting style, because I get judged a lot for what we do. We are really into the AP style parenting. We still co-sleep and plan to continue for a while. I get a lot of negative feedback because of that.

oswann
10-11-2006, 12:51 PM
My youngest, just four, is behind the others in school also with his speech. He does, however, communicate in three languages. French is his first language because of his mother, and school, and the fact we live in France I suppose, then English because I have always spoken in English (my mother tongue), then Portuguese from his grandparents who always speak in Portuguese.

I guess it depends on your criteria for judging what is "behind" or not.


Os.

kikazaru
10-11-2006, 03:54 PM
Kids are all different and what works for one child doesn't work for another. There are a few books out there for parenting the difficult child, that might give you some information on dealing with them.

I wanted to suggest not to delay getting professional help with her speech because if she has problems, the sooner they are dealt with the better and the less social stigma attached when they are younger. In addition, have you had a complete hearing test for her? The reason I ask is because not only do speech and hearing go hand in hand, but kids will very often have behavioural problems if they have hearing problems - specifically undiagnosed inner ear infections (googling ear infections and behaviour should bring up lots of info). My daugher is one of those "difficult" kids (which I've been attributing to her red hair!)and I recently found out that she has some hearing loss in her right ear most likely from silent ear infections. These ear problems can sometimes clear up on their own, but the hearing specialist (whose first question was "what is her behaviour like" btw) recommends a proactive approach (ie tubes) because behavioural problems/speech can have a real impact not only on her ability to learn, but her ability to socialize and making friends. If school becomes a misery for her it can have a life long effect.

Nakhlasmoke
10-11-2006, 05:24 PM
Hidings aren't the work of Satan, I got my darling sprog to behave with the threat of a hiding. A smack on the arse after a three count if she misbehaves.

I usually get up to "One..." before she stops doing whatever it is that she's doing. And to clarify, I don't beat my child, in fact, she probably gets harder "love smacks" than she does hidings, and yet those make her laugh.

But to stay on track - if you're really worried, get a professional opinion from a therapist you trust, but otherwise I wouldn't stress. Kids all develop different abilites at different rates. My brother-in-law didn't speak except in grunts until he was four and believe me he's not retarded in any way.

Kate Thornton
10-11-2006, 05:46 PM
Thanks for the comments. I should have given a little background. I've taken my daughter to numerous pediatricians and therapists. She's scheduled to see a developmental pediatrician in Dec. (not easy to get in to see those guys).

Let me state this for every mother out there. PEDIATRICIANS THAT DON'T SPECIALIZE IN CHILDHOOD DEVELOPMENT ARE CLUELESS ABOUT DEVELOPMENTAL ISSUES. No offense to doctors out there, but you'd laugh if you knew what I've been told by various doctors. I didn't put this question out because I haven't asked it before. I'm putting it out here cause I've yet to get any reliable info from anyone.


Erika - the developmental pediatrician is a great idea - thanks for clarifying that you have ruled out immediate physical problems.

A child of my acquaintance was just incorrigible! Temper tantrums, awful behavior! Constant crying & yelling (18 months old) - a complete physical revealed the child was deaf. Knowing what was wrong - and getting the right course of treatment or therapy (or in this case, all kinds of education for parents & child) made all the difference in the world. That little boy is doing *very* well now.

Good luck to you!