rejection and how to cope
The difficulty of partner approval is one we all must deal with if we have a partner. If your husband is completely nonsupportive, you must learn the reason if you want to get him to change. I would guess there could be a variety of reasons, among them a few of the following possibilities:
1. He thinks your writing stinks and wants to keep you from disappointment.:cry
2. He thinks your writing is not paying enough for the effort you're putting in--i.e, he wants to see some income so that he's not the only one making money in the family. Maybe he thinks you're on vacation while he's slaving for the betterment of the family.:money
3. He's afraid if you succeed, you'll be too successful to want him any longer. Will you no longer need him if you're famous?:love
4. He thinks you are working on so many projects, that none can succeed because you can't put enough effort into any one (e.g., those several novels that have been started but none finished). Many "organized" men go after their career this way, and don't see writing as an art, but as a business.
5. He thinks writing is dumb in general, not a real job or career.:nerd
These are but a few possibilities. It may not be bad if any of them are his beliefs--for example, he may not have seen your best work yet. Nor may he read the likes of Hemingway to know what's good or crap to really tell if your work stinks or is fabulous. You should communicate several things to him, however: any one project you do is not reflective of the very best work you are capable of. We can always improve, and writing is nothing if not a journey into self-improvement. You will get better with more writing. You both can accept that. Just like with sports, one must practice, practice, practice if we are someday to win the Heisman trophy. He shouldn't expect perfection yet. So there goes that possibility for his reasonong.
Also, if writing is what you do--I mean, if you are inside, a complete, utter, total writing fool, then you MUST write. You will be incomplete without writing. You will not be happy, you will not enjoy life nor your partner if he cannot share in that part of what you need to do for YOU. If you will be satisfied, satiated, finished writing after you have completed one of your novels, then do it and get on with life. For the rest of us writers, one novel is never enough. I've written four, am on the fifth. My husband is luckily, highly supportive, even though our finances have changed dramatically after me changing from a scientist position to a freelancing-novelist one. He also, however, wants to be with me when I am as famous as Sue Grafton. And, I will be because I am a writer, more than anything else.
Maybe you need to focus, to decide what you need to do in writing first: go about your next project in a professional, organized way: get your office organized, do the research on your next novel, outline it, and begin writing. Do it.
g Get everything in order and go to it. If he thinks you're not serious, he may have a good reason to be less than supportive. Show him writing is real for you. Start a good, large project and just do nothing else in writing but that project, until it's done. Be the writer. Writers are not really goof-offs :coffee who scratch out a few lines and take the day off. They work, and damn hard, all the time. Most really good ones have a regular schedule for writing; not all of us can do that due to other family and work obligations, but some kind of consistency makes our writing more consistent. Just like with sports. Be the writer and show him it's your heart-felt profession. Figure out what to do to make you happy at writing: i.e., do you need to have a sub stantial income to be a success at writing? do you need to publish magazine articles, newspaper or newsletter articles? Can you get published and appreciated by local writers' groups? Decide how to go after your career in writing, and just do it. Give yourself a deadline to get something submitted ( I used to submitt two queries a week, and worked on a short story or other article as well as continued on the novel of the time. That was a bit spread out for me, but it may work for you). have a plan, to get a published credit by the end of the year. Discuss it with him, but make sure you are flexible enough not to be crushed if it doesn't happen. If it doesn't, analyze why not. Did you submit enough queries? Did you write enough on the novel? Did you take the time to develop that poem or series of prose you wanted? Figure it out and adjust your plan. Keep at it. You will succeed if you continue to improve and don't give up.:thumbs
Well, these are enough comments from a new member to this list! I was sad to see you didn't have enough support--it's hard enough for writers who do--and thought I'd add my two cents' (or maybe $10 worth, by the size of it). Keep writing. any practice is good. A journal, letters to your grandmother, whatever. Don't give up unless you want to. Best wishes and keep us informed! Barbara