An excuse for a sick day

Guilt.

It will make you *really* sick!

You had the spinach dip at that seedy restaurant near the loop.

"It could be food poisoning . . ."

Red Lobster had a two-hour wait, and you had a craving, so you got shrimp and lobster at Joe's Bait-n-Swap.

You started hurling at 2 a.m. and haven't stopped yet.

The last time I called in sick, I was fighting off a yawn the whole time. It made my voice sound hesitant and weak, and then I spent a guilt-free day roaming the Mall of America and the St. Paul Zoo with my wife.

(writing this post just made me yawn.)

Well it could have been the fresh shrimp and lobster sandwhich you bought out of the vending machine at the corner gas station. The toothless clerk behind the counter assured you that it was still fresh even though the expiration date was marked 2 months ago.

TrainofThought said:

I was going to call in sick (lots of sick time), but my boss asked if I would be here tomorrow. I told her yes even though I’m still calling in. Yes, I feel guilty and I don’t know why. I’m leaving this company at the end of the year, or when I get my bonus (haven’t decided) and they know it. My last sick day was the beginning of July. When I leave I lose them – 28 days. Guilt gets me every time.

I need an excuse. In the morning I sound like Marlon Brando from the Godfather, so that helps. What will make me sick in less than 24 hours? Any suggestions?

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It could be your recurring eye problem , you cant see yourself going to work today..

Cramps.

Rough sex the night before?

I actually got this call once:
"It rained last night, and I forgot to close my car window. So my driver's seat is soaking wet. I can't drive in and come into work with a wet a$$."

PeeDee said:

Rough sex the night before?

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Second-degree carpet burns.

You took a dare and licked the footrail at the bar at TGI Fridays.
You babysat the neighbors kids even though she told you she thought lil billy had strep.
You had an alergic reaction to something you ate at that ethnic restaurant.
Spider bite.
Bee Sting.
Had to take cat to vet.
Sudden, pounding migraine. Dr. said dark room, aspirin and NO NOISE.

Technically you don't need an excuse if you are gone less than 3 days. Technically it is illegal for them to ask you.

On Tuesday I had 'lab tests'. (and a glass of beer)

Projectile Diarreah,,, no one questions it...

I spent every single one of my sick days earlier this year tending to other sick people, and now I'm sick and can't not go in.

PMS . . . and then start telling them all about it.

I always thought of using a sick day when I wasn't (by corporate standards) really sick as taking a "mental health" day. Here's a way to call in it....

"I'm not quite sure what is going on:

I have a headache (the thought of coming to work makes my head hurt),

my stomach is very upset (the thought of coming to work turns my stomach),

I didn't sleep well last night (tossing and turning about all the fun I'll have on my extra day off),

and I'm having digestive problems (make sure and humm & haw right before saying the last part since they'll assume it is pooping problems - and they really don't want to talk about bathroom issues)."

Judy

mad cow disease.

Who you calling mad? I'm still pretty even-tempered...

Oh.

Uh, yeah, bovine spongiform encephalopathy.

Jongfan has it right. Just take a diarrhea day. It works wonders. If you say that's why you're ill, nothing will be said about it at the time, and people will go out of their way to avoid the topic when you return. We should all take a diarrhea day from time to time. Whether or not you spend the time on the porcelain growler is your choice. Just don't get caught out and about by anyone at work, unless they are aware of this strange affliction.

Tell them that a bunch of crickets molested you last night and now you need to go down to the doctor for a pap smear. If they don't laugh too hard they might send flower and a card.

I think it's lazy and weak to call off work if you're not sick for real, or have a legit reason.

I think it's best to just say, I'm worn out and need to take today off.

If you aren't worn out, then what is the reason for taking off?

Just plain lazy.

You say lazy like it's a bad thing, Ken doll.

Just tell them that some guy named Ken smacked you around and now you feel woozy and in need of shopping therapy.

Oh my. Use the first one. I was laughing so hard, I laffed mi sides off, mi mirth waz uncontrolable, an you ar utterly wet an a weed.

My sides do hurt now. I have to call in sick tomorrow.

Projectile poop with lots of details.

If the boss is male and the employee female, women's troubles, again with details, work well.

If those don't work, my fave is "Something happened and I can't come in because of it." (I have used a variation on that for being late.)

End of the it's all in the delivery. Sell it and you can make any excuse work.