You want dumb? Honey, you got it...

A customer came into my store (furniture retailer) and asked if we sold toaster ovens.



Felt a bit like walking into the Gap and asking if they sold fishing tackle.

I have a good one.

My husband is doing some work for some homeowners and the woman of the house is baking for him, so he thinks. He came home with my favorite pie the other evening, fresh and hot from the oven. "Pecan pie, love bug, she said it's home made."

Well, I didn't even bother to get a plate. I tore off the foil and dug in with my fork, right before dinner (I'm second in command at my house, I can do that). Then I notice the crust. A woman knows a home made crust from a factory stamped crust, right ladies (and Spooky)? I said to my husband, "Well, she did bake it, I'll give her that much."

I took me 5 minutes to explain to him that the only thing she did to make that pie was bake it. He didn't believe me until yesterday when he came home with six beautifully baked muffins. Blueberry and chocolate chip. You know, the kind you get from Cosco, bigger than your face, taste as good as the day is long? He presented them to me, "Here, she said she baked them fresh for us,"

I convinced him they were from Cosco, finally.

Does she think we're hillbillies?

Here's another one:
For 22 years, I lived in the same small town. It had an unusual name, and many people mispronounced it -- not those who lived there, but the tourists and other such guests. My husband was born and raised in this town with a quirky name.
Well, not too long ago my husband and I were traveling. We met this waitress who asked us where we were from. We told her the state. She had traveled through the state once, years ago. Where specifically did we live?
So, my husband tells her the name of our town.
Oh, she says, I've heard of that! Someone told us we should drive through there on our trip. We never did.
But, she says, you're pronouncing it wrong. It's *****.
We nodded politely and she went on her way.
I never thought I'd have someone who had never been to the town I'd lived in for decades and tell me I didn't know how to pronounce its name.

writerterri said:

I have a good one.

My husband is doing some work for some homeowners and the woman of the house is baking for him, so he thinks. He came home with my favorite pie the other evening, fresh and hot from the oven. "Pecan pie, love bug, she said it's home made."

Well, I didn't even bother to get a plate. I tore off the foil and dug in with my fork, right before dinner (I'm second in command at my house, I can do that). Then I notice the crust. A woman knows a home made crust from a factory stamped crust, right ladies (and Spooky)? I said to my husband, "Well, she did bake it, I'll give her that much."

I took me 5 minutes to explain to him that the only thing she did to make that pie was bake it. He didn't believe me until yesterday when he came home with six beautifully baked muffins. Blueberry and chocolate chip. You know, the kind you get from Cosco, bigger than your face, taste as good as the day is long? He presented them to me, "Here, she said she baked them fresh for us,"

I convinced him they were from Cosco, finally.

Does she think we're hillbillies?

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Maybe she works at Costco. (Cosco is a manufacturer of baby mobility products).

dclary said:

Maybe she works at Costco. (Cosco is a manufacturer of baby mobility products).

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As long as you're proof reading my stuff, will you check out my wip?

Costco! O! K. Thanks, you. What's funny is that baby products did flash through my mind when I wrote Cosco. I should have listened.

A user called stating he was out of the office yesterday and didn’t receive any emails. He has emails showing up for today, but not yesterday. He says this happens a lot. There is something wrong with his email account.

I went to the user’s desk and looked at his Outlook 2003. Very nicely, and sarcastically, I told him to click on the plus next to Yesterday’s heading, and look at that, there they were.

Today a user told me the sound on his laptop isn’t working. I opened up the Volume Control and unchecked “Mute All”. And I get paid to support stupidity.

My co-worker's father emailed him the other day, to tell him his email wasn't working.

My special joy is traffic court. I get people in all the time who are OUTRAGED about their tickets and want their DAY IN COURT. So we have a trial for them and they don't say a word. They don't ask the officer any questions and don't offer any testimony on their own behalf. Had one just last week on a burn ban ticket. Refused to say anything in the court room. Since the judge had the officers uncontroverted testimony, he had no choice but to find the man guilty. All the way to the counter to pay, the man bitched about how we were all biased against him. ???? Glad I went to law school for this.

writerterri said:

As long as you're proof reading my stuff, will you check out my wip?

Costco! O! K. Thanks, you. What's funny is that baby products did flash through my mind when I wrote Cosco. I should have listened.

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What genre is it? (your WIP, not Costco)

one of my account managers asked me to find him an entry-level java developer for a client. I did. I sent him the resume. the next day he emailed me and said, "this guy is too entry-level" -- uuh... <my eyes roll back into my head trying to figure out what brainpower it's going to take for him to explain that.> because as far as I know, entry-level is just entering the job market, college grad with maybe an internship or summer job in a related field. That's what he got from me, because that's what he asked for. So he corrected me, "I meant entry-level like, jr. developer with 1-2 years experience." ****er! Then why didn't you just say 1-2 ****ing years experience? I wanted to ask him how long he'd been in this business and if he might be ****ing entry-level! What a waste of my time.

aadams73 said:

When he relayed this information to her and promised to fix it ASAP, she got all p!ssy and said, "those aren't single quotes, they're apostrophes!"

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Maybe I'm stupid, too, but I don't get it. Why does this qualify as dumb?

Speaking of apostrophes - I work with a guy who thinks every s has to have one before it.

So hi's sentence's read like thi's, and when he fill's out form's, and I have to enter them into the system, I end up fixing all of hi's 'ses.

And he's not even the worst offender.

MidnightMuse said:

Speaking of apostrophes - I work with a guy who thinks every s has to have one before it.

So hi's sentence's read like thi's, and when he fill's out form's, and I have to enter them into the system, I end up fixing all of hi's 'ses.

And he's not even the worst offender.

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You mean the 'sy'stem?

Reads like bad fantasy, where a novice author's gonna make a name sound exotic by adding an apostrophe or two.

aadams73 said:

Because she was using apostrophes as single quotes, and wasn't smart enough to know that the apostrophe key and the single quote key are the same darn key.

She was single quoting phrases in her report like this 'blah blah' and calling them apostrophes.

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More specifically, I'll bet she'd done her original work in Word or some other program that smart formats apostrophes as open and closed single quotes. Then if you make changes to them outside that program, the quotes are now apostrophes.

I could almost forgive him (almost) if that's why he did it.

He just honestly thinks any word ending in an s has to have an '.

Years ago, when I worked in a bank's loan office, I used to get people all the time who put their date of birth as 2/4/2006. I used to call them and say we asked for your date of birth not your birthday. You had to hear the nasty remarks I would get.

Where I work we get job applicants all the time putting stupid crap on resumes and stuff. i don't know if this qualifies, but daily we get people saying:
"can I have an application?"
"Here you go."
"Do you have a pen?"
They come all the way down here to fill out an application and don't realize that they'll need a pen? Sometimes I think I'll just hire the next person that has their own writing implement.
But the last one was fresh out of prison...

aadams73 said:

Lots of dummies out there by the looks of it

Here's another one my husband encountered. A new recruit did not fill in his parent's phone number.

Husband: You'll need to put your folks number down. Not my rule, but I have to follow them.

Recruit: I don't know my folks number. I'll have to call them tonight and ask.

Husband: ARGH!!!!

(Don't get me started on the people that misspell their names and don't know their own socials.)

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I can almost understand that, if you always call them using speed dial and don't actually dial the number. I can never remember my Dad's cell phone number, but it's on my speed dial, so I just push the button. I'd have to call him on his home phone and ask him, or look it up in my cell phone thingy.

It's not recent, but it's one of my favourites from my university days. One of my housemates was from the Yukon (this is a northern territory in Canada) and she wasn't the sharpest crayon in the box. One day in December, before we all headed home for Christmas, we were sitting around watching a tennis tourney on the tube. It was an outdoor match, being played on a beautiful sunny day in Australia.

"Gee," says I, "Wouldn't it be weird to have Christmas in the summer like Australia?"

My housemate pipes up, "They have Christmas in the summer?"

When I was in charge of training for a restaurant, I was grading a cook's "Back of the House Basics" test. The guy had already been through two weeks of training (usually it's just one, but he sucked so badly I made him repeat the week), so you'd think that he'd have at least a small grasp of the "basics" of working in a kitchen.

Well, out of the few questions that were actually answered, most were wrong or horrendously misspelled. But, the one that really got me laughing (and the "last straw" in him no longer working there because he was too stupid) was this:

Q: Where is hot food placed after it has been cooked?

A: In my stomach.


Nope, wasn't a joke answer. I even asked him about it. He was being serious because he didn't undestand the question.

Seriously.


Another time, an employee was going through his week of training. At the beginning of the week, I'd given him a written schedule with the exact time he was supposed to be there each day and the time he was to leave each day.

For two days in a row, that idiot called me at 7:00 in the morning...

"Hey man, uh...what time am I supposed to be there today?"

"What time does your schedule say you're supposed to be there?"

"It says here 8:30."

"Then why in the hell are you calling me?! BE THERE AT 8:30!"

"Oh, okay."

Setting: Insurance office

Me: "Have you had any tickets or accidents in the last three years?"
Client: "No. None. I've never had a ticket or an accident."
Me: Pulls driving record from Dept. of Public Safety. "Mmmm... says here your license has been suspended since May. Any idea what that's all about?
Client: "Suspended? Oh. Must be all those speeding tickets I never paid..."