The Knee-jerk Contrarian Game

WOW totally amazing!! 140 IQ and a total stupid sh!t huh? Remind me to look that person up at the next Mensa meeting ... NOT

BottomlessCup said:

Moby Dick:
"Herman Melville was a whaler, and wrote a very long and boring book about whaling. Seriously, this book is not an adventure. It is 540 some pages of boring whaling details. I suppose perhaps not much happens at sea from day to day."


Catcher in the Rye:
"The plot is totally worthless. It seemed like Salinger wasn't really sure what to do with himself when he wrote this. Holden ALMOST calls his ex. Then he ALMOST becomes a hermit. He ALMOST makes it with a hooker.

J.R.R. Tolkien said to C.S. Lewis concerning Lewis's first book "Clive, people who are willing to use the word 'bunk' are going to call this book 'bunk.' They don't know any better." I am an educated man, and to call The Catcher in the Rye "bunk" is to give it far too high a praise. "


To Kill a Mockingbird:
"Say what you will, but this never picks up. It starts out with Scout talking about how her brother once broke his arm. Who cares? The book's most exiting part is extremely confusing, and don't tell me I'm stupid; I have an IQ of 140. I personally prefer books that have something called action, such as Michael Chricton or Stephen King novels."

Click to expand...

Honestly, those are pretty spot on actually.

Slaughterhouse 5 (my personal Vonnegut favorite)

It's not a Daniele Steele book, so I don't like it, April 23, 2004
Reviewer: A reader
While cultural pundits try to convince you that some literature is better than other literature, the truth is that all art is relative to individial tastes. Thus, it doesn't make any sense to think that a novel like this one is really any better than say, Michael Crichton or Stephen King. Aesthetic standards can't be grounded.

Thus, don't listen to anyone who tries to distinguish between "serious" works of literature like this one and allegedly "lesser" novels. The distinction is entirely illusory, because no novels are "better" than any others, and the concept of a "great novel" is an intellectual hoax. I prefer Daniele Steele, and there's no basis for telling me I'm wrong. Vonnegut is no better or worse than Daniele Steele!

Wow, they went to great lengths to justify Danielle Steele being a good writer. She's no Kurt Vonnegut, I don't care what some idiot kid somewhere says.

The problem with this thread is, it's all in good fun, it is funny, but it spikes my blood pressure anyway. Arg. arg. arg.

Pride and Prejudice:

Bought this for my wife.. ..and the illustrations are lame - they are few and far between, small and poorly reproduced.

The Lord of the Rings:

Its about as exciting as reading the dictionary and just as long. Tolkien was one messed up dude. ITs more like descriptions of places and things more than an actual story. I'd rather read the back of a bottle of shampoo.

~

This series is horrible beyond all conception. Tolkien overbloats EVERYTHING to the point where it's absolutely ridiculous, and I loose tract of the plot amidst unimportant details. Quite frankly my only thought is I DON'T CARE WHO EVERYONE'S FATHER IS, IF YOU WANT ME TO KNOW THEN WRITE A PREQUEL, JUST TELL THE STORY IT IDIOTIC BRIT! I don't know how someone who wrote something as good as "The Hobbit" could produce this junk. I think what happened was he had a bunch of notes left over, and wanted to cash in by writing a sequel, so he threw all the details he had onto a shallow plot, but sense it was to complicated to be called "dumbed-down" like most money-making sequels noone could attack it. And it was so complicated people have been trying to convince others for decades that they're intellegent because they can understand this book, but since noone understands it, noone can test them to see if they really do or not. Anyway, if you want a complicated plot you can understand, read "Dune" by Frank Herbert.




Mairelon the Magician by Patricia C. Wrede (okay, so not a classic, per se...)

I was not at all impressed by this book-- its overly complex plot and dull cardboard characters are hardly improved by the author's heavy reliance on the Regency romances of Georgette Heyer, from which Wrede appears to have borrowed both characters and language (I found one sentence that appears to have been lifted virtually without change from Heyer's "Cotillion.") The book reads as if it were assembled from a kit. I would not recommend it

Cool game I picked one of my fave all time books, A Fan's Notes by Fred Exley. And the worst review was hilarious:

REVIEW: Recipe for a tedious and over-rated book:
1) Take one tragically slf-loathing man posessing no clear provenance for his desperate state to evoke sympathy(besides being naturally predisposed to self-indulgence and self-aggrandizement, I guess)

2) place a thesaurus close at hand for him to stretch his scene descriptions into glutinous grandstanding with one-dollar words

3) remove all traces of plot, story development, or coherence

4)add the occasional pinch of a stunningly beautiful phrase or
insight, let that moment evaporate in the next paragraph.

5)Stir until the man is so completely contemptable that you couldnt care less what happens to him (although I did worry about the dog)

6) add transparently "literary" dialogue twists and vignettes straight from litschool

7) Let said man prattle on interminably until you must force yourself to finish reading

8)observe others lap up this sad, empty meal with gusto.

9) Wonder why they are so hungry they will eat anything on their plate.

"A Fan's Notes" is about as enjoyable as listening to a foul-mouthed, obnoxious and shallow drunk at a bar. The book is essentially that experience in written form.

(And for the record, I've been hospitalized (for depression), and
those of you who claim it's "the best description of mental institutions ever" have clearly never been in one. He does capture the pointless inanity of it all, I'll give him that.)

Lord of the Flies:
I didnt like this book.It was very boring and slow.I think that the book was very slow.The book was not good I would not read it again.I dont recommend this book to you.But you can read it if you want to.I am think that the rating is a 1. I didnt like this book at all I will not read it again.You shouldnt.I like about the book I liked. Not very muth but there is some stuff that is kind of cool like they call this fat kid piggy.

*dies laughing* jbal... that has to be the worst one yet.

The Bible

I Was On The Edge Of My Seat To See How It Ended!, September 4, 2005
Reviewer: XXXXXX(TOP 500 REVIEWER)
Reviewing the most famous book ever written is no undaunting task. This compilation of writings covering more than a thousand years details no less than the beginning and ending of time itself! It has heroes and villains, triumphs and tragedies, inspiration, poetry, history, love stories and war. It also features frequent visits by G-d, that master of disguise (a burning bush one place, a disembodied spirit elsewhere) who is certainly an A-list celebrity anywhere, anytime! You'll find enough memorable characters to easily fill a book twice this size! But out of everything I could say here, I believe it is Jacob who inspires me to do this review.

Read this international best seller today and find out what makes the rank and file of the Republican Party tick!

The Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway

Old man sucks!!, December 16, 2003
Reviewer: J. Plunkit (Rently PA
rently PA) - See all my reviews

I hate fish this book was written about fish. This was torture to read.

Gone with the Wind:

I use to feel bad about Sherman burning Atlanta, but that was before I read this book. Though it is a very well written book it is very offensive to; African Americans, women and of course Yankees.

And

THIS IS THE WORST BOOK EVER WRITTEN! IT WAS PAINFUL FOR ME TO READ THIS GARBAGE! MARGARET MITCHELL WAS OBVIOUSLY RACIST! C'MON, JUST READ THE PART ABOUT RECONSTRUCTION! AND HOW SCARLETT CAN TREAT THE SLAVES LIKE DIRT AFTER THEY HAD MADE TARA A PLANTATION, AND KEPT FOOD ON THE TABLE! REALLY, IF RHETT LOVED HER "SO" MUCH, HOW COULD HE JUST LEAVE HER LIKE THAT! THIS BOOK COULD HAVE ABOUT 200 PAGES AND STILL BE TOO LONG! TALK ABOUT TRIVIAL DETAIL! (The hat was emerald green, with a large bouncy ostrich plume, and wide emerald ribbons as big as Scarlett's hands. The dress was 12 yards of green sprigged muslin with only tiny puffed sleeves, it was low enough to be a dancing dress, and certainly not suitable for a morning barbecue. The dress was a green plaid tarlatan, so wide it reduced her wasit to nothingless. Oh, she'd lead that waltz with an apple-green watered-silk dress, and dark green ribbons on her bosom and white tuberroses in her hair.) REALLY, WHO GIVES A DAMN!

Agatha Christie's "And Then There Were None" which was first published in 1939 is considered to be one of the finest mysteries ever. Except by this guy:

"i chose this as my first time to try reading a mystery book. the plot seemed cool to me. but reading it, i didn't find the reading pleasurable. the story is rather simple, and its setting is in england so the writing is all "british." as we all know, americans and the british talk very differently. in addition, it's set in an earlier time, where they talked in a fancy, rather annoying way. perhaps this is a good book, but i lost my interest after a short number of pages. i'd rather read a newer american mystery novel. just a warning that while even if this book is great, it isn't for everyone. "

Ethan Frome:

Some people would say it's wrong to destroy literature but after reading Ethan Frome they might have to rethink their position. This is probably the most god awful book in literary history!! And if it disappeared from the face of the Earth I gather that nobody would miss it. It still boggles the mind why many English classes force kids to read this piece of garbage. Ethan Frome is a worm with no backbone who was afraid to stand up to his overbearing wife. Period!! The story is irrelevant to life in the 21st century. If you are unhappy in a marriage you'd get a divorce. This book is tedious, depressing and most of all it's BORING!! Take the money you would have otherwise flushed down the toilet on this load and go see Lord Of The Rings again.
I do have to say one thing though. If Ethan Frome and Edith Wharton hadn't bored me out of my skull I would never have discovered Japanese Anime or comic books. This is one book that actually DISCOURAGES people from reading. After reading this piece of garbage you'll wish you were illiterate!!.

7 of 26 people found the following review helpful:
The Wind in the Willows, August 7, 2004
A Kid's Review
okay. to start off, i'm going to be honest with all of you. i did not read the book in its entirity. i was helping my 11 year old sister read it for summer homework. i read a number of chapters, most of which consisted of dialogue between a mole and a water rat. i have always loved reading, and have never read something i could say was just plain boring...until i read this book. it may contain some important "life messages" or other such deep meanings embedded in the story, but frankly, i find it hard to read far enough into the book to identify them before being bored to death.

(Okay, to start off, figure out what a Shift key does and you'll tone down the impression that you're a snotty li'l "I'm smarter than everyone older than me" twerp. . .but not by much.)


0 of 56 people found the following review helpful:
TERRIBLE! ACK!, October 3, 1999
Reviewer: A reader
This is probably one of the worst books that I have ever read. If you have good taste in books, you should be reading the Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling or Holes by Louis Sachar or the Last of the Really Great Whangdoodles by Julie Edwards-not this.

(Dear God, they're breeding!)

Beloved, by Toni Morrison:

Morrison's word choice is excellent. She's obviously a good writer, but truly, her subject matter leaves A LOT to be desired, in this book. Its raunchy beyond belief. People do things with farm animals that they shouldn't. I couldn't get through the first two chapters without vomiting. Some things you just shouldn't put in your head.

A Wrinkle In Time

Let me start form the top why I don't like it., December 23, 2005
A Kid's Review
1. It is IMPOSSIBLE for anyone to travel in time or tesser as the book calles it.

2. No one could survive on a different planet and or moon if a space probe couldn't even survive 20 minutes.

3.This book is just a lot of blah blah blah.

4. A living brain that can control every one when everyone has their own brain, give me a break.

5. Even if you read this book 500 times, it has always the same plot line.
A girl named Meg travels in time with her brother, Charles Wallace and the love of her life, Calvin.
They travel with 3 witches, one is named Mrs. Whatsit, Mrs. WHich and Mrs. WHo.

This one sounded oddly familiar!

A Tale of Two Cities

5 of 27 people found the following review helpful:
No better than any other novel, April 23, 2004
Reviewer: A reader

While cultural pundits try to convince you that some literature is better than other literature, the truth is that all art is relative to individial tastes. Thus, it doesn't make any sense to think that a novel like this one is really any better than say, Michael Crichton or Stephen King. Aesthetic standards can't be grounded.

Thus, don't listen to anyone who tries to distinguish between "serious" works of literature like this one and allegedly "lesser" novels. The distinction is entirely illusory, because no novels are "better" than any others, and the concept of a "great novel" is an intellectual hoax.

Hmmm, could it have been because it was the same as the review for "Slaughterhouse 5"?

The Magus, by John Fowles

Like Being Hit with a Wet Bag of Sand, August 11, 2000

This ode to misanthropy makes Paul Verhoeven look like Frank Capra. In fact, to paraphrase Terrence Rafferty's review of 'Total Recall', this is the sort of book that leaves you feeling as if the life had been pounded out of you, and you never wanted to turn a page again.

Characters in this book are either smug, cryptic, enraged or confused. Calling them 'characters' flatters them, however; with the exceptions of the main character and the pompous git of a title character they show all the complexity and realness of cheezy androids from a 'Six Million Dollar Man' episode. In fact I think there *was* an episode like this, only in the end the island blew up. I devoutly wish that this had been the case at the end of the novel.

Catch-22

6 of 27 people found the following review helpful:

Funny with a Capital PH, November 16, 2005
A Kid's Review
If Harry Potter is, as people claim it to be, one of the best books of all time, then this is its antithesis. Gather round muggles and read this review, or else the person that you've been dating will leave you for that professional football player and your parents and/or children will disown you and you'll be forced to live in the basement with that balding, 43 year old starwars geek. Catch-22 is about John Yossarian. He's an American soldier during WWII. However, don't mistake this book for your average war literature, because it's not. This book is CrAzY! From the get-go, you'll be confused. Not because you can't read but because the book isn't in chronological order, which gives the impression that Joseph Heller was having a seizure while writing this book and the editors didn't catch it. In my humble, yet clearly superior, opinion, this book is far too long and filled with meaningless content. There are some very important lessons to learn from the book, unfortunately, the book puts you to sleep before it can convey the moral of the story. You need to be some mythical, god-like English teacher to be able to finish this book without throwing it at the wall in frustration. The characters are insane, so insane that, at one point, I was actually wishing the German bombed the crap out of Yossarian and those around him. The book is funny. However, you need to be clinically insane to get most of the jokes, sadly, contrary to popular belief, I am not. Every time I read a piece of comedy from this book, the scene from Napolean Dynamite would flash in my head, where Napolean would slap someone on the cheek and run away. It's funny but after a while it gets old and feels as though you're being slapped on the cheek, which isn't fun at all. The humor fails to salvage this poor book and only hard-core literature analyzers will appreciate it and call it a work of art. I say pass this book up and read that Harry Potter book again for the 34th time.


8 of 54 people found the following review helpful:

This book sucks, January 16, 2004
Reviewer: Betty (Tampa Bay, Fla. USA) - See all my reviews
Catch-22 was a terrible book. It was the worst thing I have ever been forced to read. It should not be taught in schools due to it's terrible language and the way women are depicted in this book. The humor in the book is just retarded and although some parts are kinda funny, you want to kill yourself reading the book before you get to them. I hate this book.




Several people expressed the statement that they wanted to kill themselves during this book. I am not sure what this means.

Black Beauty by Anna Sewell:

Do Not Buy This Book!, April 22, 1998

This book is just plain boring and useless. it lacks any kind of climax and its "action" scenes are still boring and serve no real purpose. Save your money for a real novell! Anyone who likes horses might partially care about the main character, but otherwise you'll find yourself wishing he was dead so you could stop reading it! The character has no flare of personality and is your basic stupid goody-two-shoes.Any real book the characters have flaws. Of course, this book is lousy and the characters are just boring. I have consulted several others and we all agree on one point: its a total waste of money, time, and effort. This book somehow managed to become a classic, proboble just because it has to do with horses. It has no plot! There really must be better ways to spend your time than read this book! This so-called novel deserves a -999999999 rating.


Um, ouch? I love Black Beauty.


Yet another reviewer who says they wished they were dead while reading this. Great.

Oh man, I love the Harry Potter one. Normally, I'd have a few things I'd like to say about that person, but yeah.... It's highly humorous, but I feel I'd probably be crossing a big, BIG line.