View Full Version : I'm an idiot...

09-22-2006, 08:19 AM
Today I was curling my hair and trying to watch my 2 year old at the same time. Recipe for disaster. I reached down to grab my curling iron without looking because I was trying to make sure he wasn't going to fall off the bed and crack his skull open. Yep, I grabbed the wrong end. I blistered my thumb and first two fingers on my right hand. Extremely painful. And to add insult to injury...the only Band-Aids I had were animal kingdom bandages. I had to walk around all day with 5 bright yellow (with tigers and zebras) bandages on my fingers. Of course, everyone had to ask what happened.

I'm an idiot.

Make me feel better and tell me something stupid you've done so I won't feel so alone. Please?

09-22-2006, 08:22 AM
I accidentally merged some posts in Share Your Work and I thought they all disappeared... the mods all knew how idiotic I was.

Now, do you feel better?

09-22-2006, 08:24 AM
My philosophy teacher was explaining something and said: "The point is..." I turned around to look for the damned point.

09-22-2006, 08:24 AM
Yes, thank you, Ray. :D

09-22-2006, 08:25 AM
Oh, this one is good.

The other day, my friend poured water over my head to tease me. I was so stupid and innocent I turned around and, thinking the roof was leaking and that was the reason water was falling on me, warned her about it so she wouldn't get wet too..

A. Hamilton
09-22-2006, 08:30 AM
Ouch Kristie, those hurt!
When my niece was two, her mother was getting ready for work, doing her hair and makeup, and she (the niece) was climbing all over the bathroom, 'helping' her mommy, especially intereested in the makeup. Well, the kid sat down on the hot curling iron, which was resting on the back of the toilet, burning her tush, and to this day has a scar on her backside. (she's 20 now)

09-22-2006, 09:17 AM
Here ya go. (http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=33484)

09-22-2006, 09:28 AM
No, that pretty much tops it.

I'm sorry, I was supposed to make you feel better, huh.

No, wait! I knocked my two year old into the coffee table face first with my legs trying to get up from a lieing position. I swung my legs over his head as he stood up at the same time. I made him skin his hand on a metal bracket while shielding his face from the corner of the table.

See how bad I suck?

Now you feel better, right?

09-22-2006, 10:02 AM
Aw you are not an idiot - we all do silly things every once in a while.

Here's a story about me to make you feel better, which takes place a couple of years ago.

There was a mini blizzard happening, but my cupboard was completely bare so i decided to brave the elements, bundle up my 4 yo daughter, sweep off my van and go shopping - but first a quick stop to the bank to stock up on some funds. We get back to the by now snow covered van, and I discover that the lock is frozen shut, and after trying the other door locks which were all frozen as well and giving the tires a kick - just because, we back track and hit a dollar store near by, and I ask if they have lock de-icers - which they didn't, but after I explained my plight the helpful clerk suggested a cigarette lighter to heat my key. I think that's a dandy idea, so I bought one and then schlepped my daughter back to the van and begin to flic my bic - as it were. Unfortunately the lighter was completely defective and wouldn't even emit a ghost of a spark, so we battled the snow once more and went back to the store, where I told the same clerk that there was something wrong with the lighter. She calmly took it from me, removed the child proof "lock" on it and produced a lovely flame.


So I dragged my daughter back to the van - attempted the bic flicking thing again- with no more success than the first time. Extremely frustrated and too humiliated to bother the clerk again, I decided to go to a nearby drug store to buy a new lighter. When I made my request I was told rather snootily, that "drugstores do not sell smoking paraphernalia."


I told the fellow that I don't smoke and I actually had a lighter but I was completely unable to remove the child proof mechanism to get it to work which I needed so that I could heat the key, to melt the lock, to get into my bloody van.

*sob some more*

He then took it from me and with a graceful touch, produced a lovely flame. I very carefully took note on how he did so, ran back to the van, daughter in tow, just in time to see the meter lady about to write me a ticket. It's a small town, I knew her so I blurted out my tale of woe and she sympathized (and didn't write the ticket) and watched as I flicked the lighter, heated my key and then was about to insert the now, very hot key into the lock. She then said in a puzzled voice "but isn't that your van - over there?" pointing to another snow covered heap one meter away.


Yep, you guessed it, I was attempting to get into (and kicking tires) of some one else's van for the better part of an hour. The worst thing was, 1 minute later, the rightful owner strolled up, inserted a perfectly fitting key into the lock and drove away.

The only bright spot was that I was now the proud owner of a brand new child proof lighter - so that I wouldn't accidently set myself on fire.

There now, don't you feel better?:)

09-22-2006, 10:25 AM
You know that scene in American Pie 2 where he glues himself to, er, himself?

Let's just say it's not that funny in real life.

09-22-2006, 10:41 AM

I am somewhat of a cook. When I am in the kitchen and one of my children hears me say "Oh My God" they FIRST run to the bathroom get the bandaids (yep with all the great colors and pics...i love em!) and antibacterial ointment and also white gauze pads...and ONLY then do they come to me..
Know why?

Cause I ALWAYS am cutting my fingers...sometimes real deep, when working in the kitchen of food etc.

Now you do it once you should learn .. one would think....

So dont feel bad....I still cut myself all the time with knives ...

My son always says that I give more blood in the kitchen than normal people give in donating blood...

Dont feel dumb....I am much dumber cause I still cook and cut all the time!!!!!

Huggs and Kissess...

(Just one question...I have to know....does this mean I cant use the handcuffs until your hand is all better????) :D

09-22-2006, 03:18 PM
my sister was curling her hair (it was fairly long and long in front as well). SHe had hair rolled up in it, something startled her, and she dropped the curling iron. since it was still in her hair it landed against her face - well actually her eye, and her eye wasn't closed. That was a curling iron hospital visit.
You're not an idiot. I do stupid **** all the time, and the only bandaids in my house are either Shrek or Scooby-Doo.

Kida Adelyne
09-22-2006, 03:43 PM
I repress memories where I do something to hurt myself. However, only yesterday I was working on a project for art and I accidentally erased a part I didn't want to erase. I never realised how much drawing I've been doing on the computer until I started frantically looking for the edit:undo controll. :ROFL:
It only lasted for a second, but it was still kinda stupid.


09-22-2006, 04:13 PM
I arrived Schipol Airport in Amsterdam after a red-eye flight and decided it would be best to freshen up before I went toddling around the Netherlands with crust in my eyes and fur on my tongue. So, I went into the ladies' room and washed my face, combed my hair and brushed my teeth. Dopey and confused, I drifted off in a thousand yard stare while I scrubbed at the airline food plaques partying in my mouth. It was a good half minute into the process before I realized that the toothpaste wasn't very bubbly... or minty, for that matter. That's because it was Clearisil Acne Cream.

Ah well...

SC Harrison
09-22-2006, 04:37 PM
Back when I was still drinking :(, I tried to show off in front of four other guys by folding up and then breaking two plastic six-pack straps (fish chokers, whatever). Right when they were about to break, there was a ripping sound, but it wasn't the plastic. These guys watched my left shoulder separate from the socket, and they watched the look of pain and disbelief spread across my face. To this day, I have to be careful when lifting or pulling heavy objects, or it will try to go out again.

09-22-2006, 04:59 PM
Kristie, you are not an idiot. I am an idiot. Or at least I was.

Back when I was about ten years old or so, my mother took me to the doctor for a physical. The nurse handed me what looked like a milk bottle and told me to go into the bathroom and provide a specimen. Now, I was clever enough to realize what a specimen was. I was not clever enough to figure out just how I was supposed to get the specimen into that milk bottle. No one said to me, “Now Haggis, hold the bottle with one hand and hold your little twanger with the other.” They should have, because instead, I carefully placed the milk bottle on the floor, stood up straight, and took careful aim, shooting from the hip (so to speak). Sadly, I was no deadeye “dick,” with more of the specimen landing on the floor than in the milk bottle.

I never confessed.

09-22-2006, 06:37 PM
A girl once told me that she never heard the word "Prada" . . .see, you could have done worse. . . ;)

09-22-2006, 06:50 PM
I went to a women's locker room once because I could only see the "..men" part of the word on the door. It was -- interesting.

09-23-2006, 04:29 AM
I was out shopping with my husband and we passed a shop that sold saucy underwear. I had a look, pointed out a pair of particulary lurid crotchless knickers, elbowed him in the ribs and said 'How'd you fancy seeing me in those, then?'

Unfortunately, he was two shops down looking at a display of model trains while I made lewd suggestions to a total stranger.

09-23-2006, 04:37 AM
I woke up, got out of bed, got dressed, said goodbye to my sleeping wife (it was very early in the morning) got my music, headed out the door, started walking down the street, got a half mile away from my home, curiously checked my phone to see what time it was, to see if I was making good time...

....it was 2:00am. I didn't work until 1:30pm. I was so used to getting up in the morning and going to work (evne then, I work at 7:00am, earliest) that I just mentally heard my alarm, got up, got going.

09-23-2006, 09:00 AM
When I was just over 16, I had my temps, but not my license. Still, I'd done a lot of practice and was pretty good at driving.

My parents both worked second shift and, being an idiot cocky teenager, I had begun sneaking trips in the extra car. Just local - and my hometown is tiny.

Emboldened by the success of these licenseless journeys, I decided to take my then girlfriend to a fancypants restaurant in Milwaukee. Downtown Milwaukee. On a Friday night.

Despite being shocked by the difficulty of "traffic", I got us there and we had a nice dinner. We walked hand-in-hand back to the car - which I had somehow managed to parallel park - and there I saw the scariest thing I've ever seen:

The keys. Dangling from the ignition. Behind the locked door.

I had to call my dad at work. Grounded three months.


09-23-2006, 09:40 AM
OK, I've got one.

Two little girls playing at a McDonald's PlayPlace, one mine and the other belonging to a dad sitting behind me. Both little girls looked alike, a recipe for disaster, to be sure. My little one tends to put her mommy on selective hearing, so when I instructed her to PLEASE finish eating BEFORE she went off to play, of course she scampered up those jumbo steps for the slide. Now put these identical-looking girls behind a black thin net and the ability to distinguish the two becomes compromised.

Which is how I ended up scolding the WRONG child, demanding she come down this instant.

The poor kid froze, whereupon my ACTUAL child reappeared from within the tubes she'd been hiding inside to laugh over her mother's idiocy.

Ah, but nothing spared me from my face turning a deep red as I tried to dig a hole and bury myself forever. I turned just to see one VERY angry and confused father standing RIGHT behind me, wanting to know what the **** I was doing. :Headbang:

09-23-2006, 09:49 AM
I'm a Canadian

09-23-2006, 10:37 AM

09-23-2006, 10:59 AM
I fell asleep under the stairs in a nightclub once. When I woke up, in the morning, and started moving around the alarms went off and I found I was locked in. I called 000 (Australia's 911) and poured myself an orange juice while waiting for the police to arrive and let me out.

The police drove me home in their paddy wagon - I was 19 at the time, mum was very impressed.

09-23-2006, 05:13 PM
When I was in elementary school I once asked a teacher how to spell SO. I knew I had the s and the o part down, but what came after that?