Hello Group,
This is my first visit here. It looks very interesting. I have been a writing teacher for 12 years now, and lately joined a writing group, but they always felt something was "missing", and encouraged me to write autobiography. Not sure if that was smart advice but I went ahead and started anyway!
I don't know how to attach any text to this message (it says I can't), so I'll just give you a short summary. Would appreciate any feedback on whether or not this might be a worthwhile project, and also on how to post sections of the text if anyone is interested.
Thanks, Tina
Summary:
When I converted to Islam and traveled to Pakistan to find the boy I loved and was supposed to marry, it was explained to me that a man has one God but a woman, figuratively speaking, has two--first Allah and then a man: her husband, father or brother. I knew this already. From my childhood I had been taught about the Second God. When Adam and Eve ate of the tree, it was only of Adam that God said, "Behold, the man is become as one of Us". So man, already made in God's image, received the serpent's promise. Eve did not become Godlike. And Adam was given rule over the woman, the rib, the afterthought, and her punishment was to desire the man. Where I was raised, this ws accepted as true. I was daily taught absolute obedience and reverence for my future husband. Even thinking the wrong way could be and was punished. Going over to Islam, the religion whose name mean Submission, was not a great leap for me.
When I found that the boy who had gone to Pakistan had been made to marry his cousin, I returned and after some time married a German Roman Catholic. Europe was modern and had its legacy from the Enlightenment and I thought I would be safe. But in Germany my second God was a trinity--Kinder, Kuche, Kirche, meaning children, kitchen and church. When my husband began to beat me too severely, I had to leave him, but not before my life under him had led me into some very strange behaviors. I'll never wonder why middle aged housewives with well off husbands get arrested for shoplifting.
As I was preparing to return to States, I was contacted by the man I had originally followed to Pakistan. His arranged marriage had made him unhappy, he claimed. His wife had miscarriages and his only son had been born dead. He wanted to meet with me. He reminded me that I had promised I would see him again. I thought, should I tell him what happened to me while I was in Pakistan? Does he know what becomes of Muslim girls who have no father, brother, or husband to protect them? In the end I told him nothing and ended our communication without seeing him. He would not have understood, or he would have blamed me. But I had decided one thing: there might be one God, or dozens, or none at all, but the second God is a false God. He is a God of pain, fear and humiliation, and he must be banished. He is, in fact, a blasphemy.
Well, that's my story. Losing faith, as it were, in many ways.
This is my first visit here. It looks very interesting. I have been a writing teacher for 12 years now, and lately joined a writing group, but they always felt something was "missing", and encouraged me to write autobiography. Not sure if that was smart advice but I went ahead and started anyway!
I don't know how to attach any text to this message (it says I can't), so I'll just give you a short summary. Would appreciate any feedback on whether or not this might be a worthwhile project, and also on how to post sections of the text if anyone is interested.
Thanks, Tina
Summary:
When I converted to Islam and traveled to Pakistan to find the boy I loved and was supposed to marry, it was explained to me that a man has one God but a woman, figuratively speaking, has two--first Allah and then a man: her husband, father or brother. I knew this already. From my childhood I had been taught about the Second God. When Adam and Eve ate of the tree, it was only of Adam that God said, "Behold, the man is become as one of Us". So man, already made in God's image, received the serpent's promise. Eve did not become Godlike. And Adam was given rule over the woman, the rib, the afterthought, and her punishment was to desire the man. Where I was raised, this ws accepted as true. I was daily taught absolute obedience and reverence for my future husband. Even thinking the wrong way could be and was punished. Going over to Islam, the religion whose name mean Submission, was not a great leap for me.
When I found that the boy who had gone to Pakistan had been made to marry his cousin, I returned and after some time married a German Roman Catholic. Europe was modern and had its legacy from the Enlightenment and I thought I would be safe. But in Germany my second God was a trinity--Kinder, Kuche, Kirche, meaning children, kitchen and church. When my husband began to beat me too severely, I had to leave him, but not before my life under him had led me into some very strange behaviors. I'll never wonder why middle aged housewives with well off husbands get arrested for shoplifting.
As I was preparing to return to States, I was contacted by the man I had originally followed to Pakistan. His arranged marriage had made him unhappy, he claimed. His wife had miscarriages and his only son had been born dead. He wanted to meet with me. He reminded me that I had promised I would see him again. I thought, should I tell him what happened to me while I was in Pakistan? Does he know what becomes of Muslim girls who have no father, brother, or husband to protect them? In the end I told him nothing and ended our communication without seeing him. He would not have understood, or he would have blamed me. But I had decided one thing: there might be one God, or dozens, or none at all, but the second God is a false God. He is a God of pain, fear and humiliation, and he must be banished. He is, in fact, a blasphemy.
Well, that's my story. Losing faith, as it were, in many ways.
