View Full Version : Show vs. tell

09-16-2006, 09:49 AM
We all know what it means (or do we?) And now let's put it to practice.

The game is to start off with a "telling." The person below will have to rewrite it using "showing" only. Then give the next "telling" sentence for the next person. Try not to overwrite with purple prose, please. :)


Jack was angry, so he left Renee; she was devastated.

09-16-2006, 09:53 AM
Jack stamped his foot on ground, tore the wedding band off his finger and threw it at Renee as he walked out the door, leaving her there in tears.

Mark was waiting for the bus when Joanne walked over and sat beside him, smiling and flirting.

09-16-2006, 10:11 AM
Mark looked at his watch. Where was the damn bus? He looked up to see Joanne walking over. She practically sat down in his lap.
"Hey, there," she cooed. "Do you need somewhere to go?"

Sarah was jealous of her sister's boyfriend, who treated her like a little kid.

09-16-2006, 10:34 AM
Sarah wondered where her sister was when the doorbell rang. She ran and opened the door.
"Hey baby doll," Joe said. "Is Dee home?"
"I'm not your baby doll," Sarah said.
"Yes, you are. Like one of those cabbage patch dolls. And you think you're so smart."
"Smarter than you are. You don't even know where my sis is."
"What does that have to do with being smart?"
"Ah," Sarah sneered, "the Harvard sophomore doesn't think so. You know, Dee only likes you for your money. That's why she's spending so much time with you."
"Is that so? Did she tell you while you were finishing up with your juice box?"
"Shut up..." She crinkled her nose. "I hardly see her anymore."


Frank decided Carol was too good for him.

09-16-2006, 10:44 AM
Sitting at the bar, Frank glanced at himself in the dusty mirror and then at his watch. It was well after three. Carol was home waiting and worrying. He knew she wouldn't sleep. Tossing back his scotch and soda, he jiggled his glass for the bartender to refill it.

"It's after three, Mr. Jackson, don't you think you should be heading home to the little woman?" the bartender said, wiping a glass with a bar towel.

Frank shrugged. "You know, it's a funny thing, Joe, you must have read my mind. I was just thinking the same thing. Only I decided I shouldn't be heading home to her. What does Carol want with a punk like me? Look at me -- nothing but a lousy stinking drunk. Nah, Joe, it's over. I'm gonna have a lawyer contact her tomorrow and give her a divorce. She can do better than me. She deserves it. I'm no good for her. I'm no good for anyone!"

He finished his drink and threw a few crumpled bills onto the bar before heading out into the night, not really sure where he was going. But one thing was for sure--it wouldnt be home.

Jackie did everything she could to please her fussy boss, but he was never satisfied.

Rolling Thunder
09-16-2006, 05:40 PM
Don shook coffee off the legal briefs he had been reading, showering droplets of the black liquid over the tidy desk and his suit.
“Goddamn it! Jackie, bring me some paper towels!”
Jackie sighed, “****, like I really need this every single day. Hope this is the worst of his problems this morning.”
She grabbed the roll of towels out from under her desk and strode into his office, a false smile on her face.
"Here you are, Mr. Keefer."
"About time!" he replied, snatching the roll from her hand. "I could have cleaned this mess up twice already! I'm beginning to wonder why I even keep you on. Now, go get me something to calm my nerves."
Jackie walked to her desk outside the door, opened her pocketbook and pulled out a shiny revolver.
"This should work," she muttered.

Bob didn't like cats.

09-16-2006, 06:18 PM
There it was, that vile, creepy, creature, ready to claw him to shreds, or so he thought. The cat stalked over and Bob felt shivers run down his spine. Slowly, he backed away, running right into the counter. The cat came closer and closer. Bob grabbed onto the counter and held his breath. It'll be okay, he thought. It'll be okay. Then it happened. The cat was only an inch away from him and brushed against Bob's leg. He let out a blood curling shriek.

Kate and Yolanda had a cat fight over the guy they both liked, Jonah.

09-16-2006, 06:53 PM
Yolanda looked in the mirror and realized it was in fact her blood that had trickled across the carpet and not Kate's.

Damnit. She dampened a wad of toilet paper and brought it to her throbbing cheek, streaked with three red and jagged gashes. Damn *itch got her nails done. To hit up on Jonah, no doubt. Jonah had always complimented Yolanda on her delicate, feminine hands and she had no doubt he had fed the same line to Kate.

Sharon chose Maria over Marcus.

09-16-2006, 07:08 PM
"Okay, Sharon. Maria or Marcus. Which?"
"Can't I have both?"
She hesitated, but only for a moment. "Sorry, Marcus."

It was very cold and Robert was freezing.

09-16-2006, 07:12 PM
Robert's skin felt as if it was tightening, then fraying. "S-s-s-s-ooooo....." Was that his voice? This weakened whimper? He felt his muscles convulse with activity, trying desperately too generate energy and heat, to push his blood through his body. Then he began to feel nothing. "Please." he tried. His lips would no longer move.

Justin thought he was the best in the class. The other students convinced him otherwise.

09-16-2006, 09:16 PM
Justin waved his marked paper. "Wow! I got eighty per cent. Told you I was the best."

Peter snatched it out of John's hand.

John stood, face reddening. "Give it back."

"Eight! Eight per cent, you dumbo."

The rain was falling hard. Arthur could feel it hitting his head. He looked up and saw the lightning. Then he heard the thunder and knew he should seek shelter. The rain began to fall harder and he felt the wind blowing on his face. He saw a shed with its door open and thought he would get shelter there.

09-16-2006, 10:27 PM
Rain lashed against Arthur's face and head without mercy, tortuing him. As he looked up, a brilliant flash illuminated the sky, followed by a monstrous thunder that made the earth shake. The rain began falling harder; Arthur could feel the pain of every individual drop hitting him, pushed by the strong wind so they'd hit him harder.

In the distance, Arthur heard a banging noise. A shed, with its door opening and closing in the wind, rocking back and forth, threatening to fall down at any moment. No other building could be seen, so Arthut made a dash for it.

Timmy was happy, but Linda always made him feel like a jerk.

09-16-2006, 10:56 PM
A grin spread across Timmy's boyish face. He looked just like a child as he jumped up and down in glee. He clapped his hands together repeatedly, singing to himself. Yay! What a wonderful day, Timmy thought.

Linda burst through the door and once seeing Timmy, her nose crinkled and she clutched her stomach. Muttering under her breath about how selfish Timmy is, she marches past him, stopping only to shove him out of the way. Linda reaches the other door and before she steps out, says, "You are the most selfish man I've ever met! You dumped Stacy for Larissa. What a shallow moron....shallow, shallow, moron. You sicken me!" Then, Linda went to the next room.

Timmy bit his lip. He couldn't really be as bad as she said he was. He strolled over to the mirror and looked at his reflection. Quickly, he turned away.

Harry gives Sandy, his mistress, a romantic gift, when his wife, Loi-Loi, discovers them.

09-17-2006, 01:36 AM
Sandy opened the box and gasped. The diamond tennis bracelet inside was practically blinding. She threw her arms around Harry and covered him with kisses.

"It's beautiful, Harry! Oh my God! I never expected anything like this! I mean, it's only our six month anniversary, that's all!" She pulled away from him and slumped onto the couch in tears.

"What's wrong, baby? I thought you would like it. I can take it back if you want me to."

Sandy wiped the tears from her eyes. "It isnt that, Harry. It's just that ... well I can never give you anything personal like that ... You couldnt suddenly show up at home with things like ... you know, gifts from me ... We can't risk getting caught. Loi-Loi is a friend of mine, after all. I love you, but I mean it when I say I don't want to do anything to hurt her."

Harry curled up beside her. "I know, Sandy. You have a wonderful heart. You really do care, I know you do."

On the street below the apartment, a car drove slowly down the street and stopped in front of Harry's car. Behind the wheel, Loi-Loi's best friend Andrea called out. "There it is! You were right. That's Harry's car. He must be upstairs with Sandy."

Loi-Loi nodded. "That b!tch. I knew it! Well, two can play this game, Andrea." She opened her purse and took out an extra set of keys, jingling them in front of Andrea.

"Oh my God, you wouldnt!"

Loi-Loi grinned evilly. "You bet your a$$ I would." She slid out of Andrea's car and quickly unlocked the door of Harry's car. Slipping into the driver's seat, she started the car and threw it into gear. "See you at home, Andrea. Harry is gonna blow a gasket when he finds out his car is gone. But that ain't nothing compared to what he is gonna feel when the divorce papers arrive."

Laughing, Loi-Loi drove away.

(A true story - page from my mother's life -- yes she really did it.)

Jack didnt know how to tell his parents that on his first day driving alone, he got into an accident.

09-17-2006, 02:51 AM
Jack peered round the lounge door, plucked up courage, and entered.

Pa glanced up from the newspaper. “Hi, son. How’s things?”

“So so.” Jack bit his lip. “You’re not going to like this, Pa.”

Dad lowered the paper. “Hmm. Try me. What’s the problem?”

Jack tried to look sheepish while he held up the car keys and shook them.

“You want to borrow the car?”

“I already did.”

Pa shook his head and held out his hand. “Thanks. So you nicked it.” He hesitated then laughed. “I did the same if I remember. Jeez, I was young once, too. Okay, forget it. But in future ask, or at least tell me before you go. Just in case your mum or I need it. You lock the garage?”


Pa half-closed one eye. “What’s with the y-yes?”

“The car isn’t in the garage.”

The newspaper rustled as Pa carefully folded it. “Go on.”

“It wasn’t my fault. The other car was parked squint—”

“Who was in the other car?”

“Nobody. But the road was wet and the corner was slippery—"

Pa raised a hand. “Hold it. Hold it right there." He gazed into space for a moment before continuing. "You nicked my car. You pranged somebody else’s. And, of course, it wasn’t your fault. Son, the first car I trashed was my dad’s. Speeding. Trying to be smart and outrun the cops who spotted me speeding. I got away. But out of their sight I overshot a corner and hit a parked car. Not a mile from here. It was empty, thank God. My dad came and collected me from the owner’s house. Know what he said to me?”

"No. What?"

“He said ‘To hell with the car. Main thing is you're unhurt.’ Then he said ‘I’ll support you, but you’ll get no sympathy. Just remember, next time there may be somebody in the car you just hit. And that’s manslaughter. And your life up the creek.’” Pa laid the keys on the arm of the chair. “That’s all he said about it. Now, what happened, son?”

Jack swallowed. “I was driving too fast and lost control and hit Mr Fraser’s car. Outside number twenty-seven. Car’s still there. I couldn’t start it.”

Pa nodded, then stood. “That’s tough, son. It’s also life. Let me grab my coat and we’ll take a stroll down and see what’s up. Mr Fraser probably wants to talk to you. Ready?”

Jack’s shoulders noticeably straightened. “Yes. Thanks, Pa.”

The tunnel looked dark. It seemed empty. It was cold and wet but Carl hoped it wasn't too long. It wasn't. It was creepy. Carl was glad to see the light at the end.

No 'was', 'looked', 'heard', 'felt', 'touched' 'saw', 'thought' 'smelled' or '-ing', please.

09-17-2006, 03:10 AM

As he walked through the tunnel, Carl tried hard to adjust his eyes to the darkness. It seemed empty, but in Central Park you can never tell when a homeless person might jump out at you. And homeless people were the best possible scenario. People got murdered in Central Park at night. Carl closed his eyes and focused on getting to the other side - one step at a time. 'Breathe, Carl, breathe," he told himself as he tugged his light jacket around his shoulders and shivered. After what seemed like hours, he could see the other side. His pace picked up as he ran toward it. New to the city, Carl learned a valuable lesson. Never walk in Central Park alone after dark.

Jodi decided to cook an impressive dinner for her date, John, but she wasnt a very good cook and everything that could go wrong did go wrong.

09-17-2006, 03:12 AM
no fair! i was second, but i'm not changing mine. skip me and keep going.

Shadows cascaded from the walls of the tunnel. Carl trembled before he stepped into the vast, empty darkness. A few more steps, that's all it takes. Each step takes me closer to -- What the hell made him want to reach the end of the tunnel? Darkness. That's it. That's the only discovery here, Carl. You're stupid to have even taken a step into this damn thing. A cobweb brushed Carl's face and he ran. He ran like he detected light at the end. His legs pounded against the muddy ground. And then he saw it -- a faint glimmer of hope, faded, yellow light off in the distance. His heart raced and he caught his second wind. I hope this tunnel isn't too long - I don't know how long the second wind will stay with me... The light streamed in through a hole in the crumbly wall. Carl clawed at the hole until he burst through, head first. Wind ripped at his body and he fell farther and farther down to the busy highway. Carl tilted his head down and saw the semi's that raced along the highway. Oh, ****.

Lily, Kyra's only dog, is being put down and she's sad. ;D

09-17-2006, 03:14 AM
We double posted - so why doesnt the next person choose from the two new "tell"s?? Your choice...

09-17-2006, 03:17 AM
sounds great. the next to post chooses whoever's "tell", they want to "show".

09-17-2006, 03:23 AM
Jodi decided to cook an impressive dinner for her date, John, but she wasnt a very good cook and everything that could go wrong did go wrong.

"Damn it!" The alarm shrieked in the kitchen, and Jodi raced down the hall just as the first wisps of black smoke crept from the oven.

She swore colorfully, and kicked a cabinet hard. It just figured. John would be home from his business trip any minute, and so far she had dropped the wine bottle and put salt instead of sugar in the banana pudding. Now a giant chunk of cow was smoldering in the pan Grandma Mazursky had given her as a housewarming gift.

Jodi pulled the scorched pan from the oven and dropped it in the sink. She flung the freezer open and yanked out a boxed lasagna. After ripping the package open she stuck it in the microwave. "Okay, there's absolutely no way I can screw this up," she muttered.

As usual, Jodi was wrong.
************************************************** **

Lady Emma was haughty, and everyone at the ball knew it.

09-17-2006, 04:23 AM
Lady Emma strutted into the grand ballroom, her nose sticking in the air. She made her way toward one of the plush seats and snapped her fingers. A snivelling servant came to her side immediately.

"Do you know that I am a guest of honor?"

The servant nodded their head.

"And nobody greeted me at the door with hourderves, like I requested, did they?"

The servant bit his lip. "I can go get you-"

"Excuse, excuses! I am thoroughly unimpressed with you and you can be sure I'll be telling Lady Katrina that. She values my opinion, greatly."

The servant nodded, and Lady Emma dismissed her with the wave of the hand. When the servant didn't rush off immediately, Lady Emma gave her an icy glare. Then, she sighed. She supposed she'd have to make the rounds. What lame party, filled with a bunch of ingrates! I doubt the nobility of anyone that's friends with that hussy, Lady Katrina. I can't believe I came to this, Emma thought.

She made her way around the ballroom at a brisk pace. Lady Emma made eye contact with only a few people, but would instantly look away. Too lowly and not worth her time. When people were in her way, she didn't say excuse me. She walked right through them, pushing them to the side. How dare they get in her way!

"Someone has a stick up her butt," Lady Katrina whispered to her friend and servant, Carley.

"She thinks she's better than everyone, doesn't she?"

Lady Katrina nodded. "Why did I have to invite her?"

Sally stuck her tongue out and her husband, Pat, was offended.

09-17-2006, 07:09 AM
If there was one thing Sally hated, it was having to entertain Pat's boring boss and his boring wife. This night was no different. Mr. and Mrs. Travers sat at the dining room table rambling on and on. Mrs. Travers was driving a new Lexus. Mr. Travers had a new SUV. They were still tanned from their recent vacation in the Caymans. Mr. Travers just got a promotion. He celebrated by buying his wife a new Rolex. Their two children were both in Ivy League schools, at the top of their classes. Was there nothing these people didn't have that was bigger and better than everyone else?

Sally couldnt have been happier when the salad course was finished and it was time to bring the pot roast to the table. Of course, Mrs. Travers would have some kind of story about how her recipe was better, but at least Sally would get a moment of peace and quiet in the kitchen. She rose from the table and excused herself.

Pat smiled proudly. "Sally's pot roast is great! She uses her mother's recipe. It's one of my favorites."

As Sally walked to the kitchen, full of confidence in her dinner, she heard Mrs. Travers whisper to Mr. Travers behind her back. "I know, dear, you had pot roast for lunch. Let's try to make the best of it, anyway."

Enraged and insulted, Sally quickly stuck out her tongue out of their view as she pushed the kitchen door open. She stood in the kitchen, fighting off the urge to walk back out there and tell them both off.

Suddenly the door swung open and Pat was standing there. "I saw that, Sally. What did you think you were doing? That's my BOSS out there, Sally! What if they saw?"

Sally shrugged. "Pat, every time they come here they insult us. Nothing we do is ever good enough for them. Everything they have is better than ours. They deserved it, Pat!"

He stood with his arms folded across his chest, staring at her sternly. "Young lady, if you choose to act like a child, you will be treated like one. As soon as they're gone, I'm going to turn you over my knee and spank you!"

Sally giggled and stuck her tongue out again. "Promises, promises."


Mike really liked this girl Maggie who worked in his office. One day, he got up the nerve to ask her out.

09-17-2006, 09:29 AM
Mike wrung his cold, sweaty hands and took in a big breath as if this were the interview of a life time, then willed his legs to move as they wiggled beneath him like jello. Fears of rejection played in his mind as her cubical came into his view and the smell of Jasmine lingered in the air.

Mike had smelled that same fragrance for 3 months when Maggie would whisk by his cubical on the way to Carrigan's office. He stopped her a few times to chat about business matters, but nothing personal, ever, though he was dieing to but couldn't come up with anything to say at the spur of the moment. He thought about asking her out to lunch last week, but lost the nerve at the last minute. This time he had actually reached her cubical and knocked on the wall.

"Maggie?" he said, peeking his head into her station.

Immediately his lungs deflated when he realized she wasn't there, but sitting on her desk next to a small plant was a picture of her and another guy encased in a plastic stand up frame. The light from the ceiling reflected off of it in such a way that he couldn't get a good enough look. He glanced behind him to make sure no one was looking and reached in swooping the picture off the desk. It was her and a man that Mike hoped was her brother and they were at a restaurant holding up margaritas, her smile as bright as the tiny pink umbrella which rested on the rim of her frosty beverage.

For a moment he imagined he was the guy in the picture and thought about how much fun they'd had that night laughing and talking, holding hands, exchanging glances and their first kiss.

"Excuse me?" came a voice from behind him. "Can I help you?"

"Oh! Um," was the only phrase that fell out of his frozen mouth. "I'm..."

"Mike?" Maggie said, holding her hand out for the picture he had stuffed behind his back.


"Your name, Mike? Can I have that picture of my cousin back?"

"Oh, yes, sure, here. That's your cousin! he said, relieved yet, feeling stupid.

Maggie nodded her head then took the picture and placed it back on her desk and turned to face him. She relaxed her shoulders and softened her eyes realizing he felt embarrassed. "Did you need something?"

"No, I was just... well, yes, do you want to go to lunch with me?


Okay, this is my first attempt at something like this under the pretenses of something I just learned. How'd I do? How about a crit, Ray (anyone). Please!

************************************************** ***
The tree was planted in shallow soil and when the wind came it blew away.

09-17-2006, 09:36 AM
Here came Maggie. Mike averted his eyes and shuffled the papers on his desk, stared at the computer monitor and talked to himself. As Maggie walked past him, he glanced at her. She was wearing a silky, black blouse today, and she had her hair highlighted with streaks of platinum. Mike's throat tightened and his mouth went dry.

He stared at the monitor again. The quote on the desktop said "Carpe Diem." Mike swallowed hard, then took a big gulp of his black coffee. He got up and trotted down the hall to Maggie's cubicle.

"Hi," he said, his voice barely audible.

"Good morning, Mike," she said. "Do you need something from me?"

"Um, I suppose..."

"What is it?"

"Are you free tonight?"

"Excuse me?"

"Um, forget it."

"Wait," she said. "Did you just try to ask me out?"

He lowered his head. "Um. Yeah."

"Thank God. I thought you'd never ask."


Regina told her mother she was sorry about the vase.

09-17-2006, 09:49 AM
Since you asked... :)

I think you did well. However, I think you slipped in a few places.

These are still telling:

Fears of rejection played in his mind... (absolutely telling)

He stopped her a few times to chat about business matters, but nothing personal, ever, though he was dieing to but couldn't come up with anything to say at the spur of the moment. (backstory, telling)

He thought about asking her out to lunch last week, but lost the nerve at the last minute. (you're telling with the original sentence)

"Your name, Mike? Can I have that picture of my cousin back?" (info dump) [people don't talk that way or volunteer information... it would be better if you write:

"Can I have the picture back?"
"Sorry," Mike said. "Is that your boyfriend?"
She laughed. "Whatever gives you that idea? No, it's my cousin Billy."

Otherwise, it's good. :)


OK, carry on!

Loria Amnekia
09-17-2006, 09:51 AM
Regina told her mother she was sorry about the vase.

Her lip quivered as large tears splashed down her cheeks from her large blue eyes. Regina twisted a piece of hair around her finger as she nervously watched her mom looking at the mess on the floor. That mess used to be a beautiful and priceless vase her mom had found at a yard sale. Regina knew her mom loved that vase, just as she knew she was in trouble for knocking it off the table.

"Regina," her mom started.

"Momma, I...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to! I tripped! I was playing with Dragon-Kitty and she stopped in the hallway, I tripped over her and hit the table. I tried to catch it, but I couldn't. I'm so sorry, Momma," Regina rushed out in one breath. She swallowed hard and waited for her mom's verdict.

"Alright. It was an accident. It's okay. Now, give me a hug and then get me the broom," her mom said, smiling softly at her. Regina grinned and gave her mom a hug before disappearing into the pantry to find the broom.

These kids have been terrible today.

09-17-2006, 10:02 AM
Doubled up again - next person's choice ...

Regina sat on the front stoop with her puppy and waited for her mother's car to turn the corner. Tears welled up in her big brown eyes.

"It's okay, Tiger, don't worry. I'll explain everything to her. She won't give you away, I promise."

The puppy rested his head against her leg and licked her skinned knee. "Ouch!" Regina said. She patted the puppy's head. "I know you're just trying to help, Tiger. It's okay, it doesn't hurt much."

Tiger's ears perked at the sound of an approaching car. Regina swallowed hard and stood. The car pulled into the driveway and her mother got out carrying two bags of groceries.

"There's another one on the seat, Regina, it isn't too heavy."

Regina froze. She couldn't let her mother go into the house while she got the bag out of the car. She had to tell her, right away.


Her mother turned around. "Yes, dear, what's up?"

"Mom, you know that vase in the living room? The one that was Grandma's?"

Her mother looked at her sternly. "Regina, did you break that vase? Is that what this is all about?"

Regina burst into tears. "It was an accident, Mom. I was trying to teach Tiger to fetch. He was chasing the ball, and and I ran after him and slipped on the carpet. As I fell, I grabbed the tablecloth. I tried to catch it, Mom, but it fell. I picked up all the pieces. There aren't too many. I think we can glue it back together."

Her mother laughed. "Regina, I've hated that old thing since your grandmother gave it to me. You just saved me the trouble of throwing it out and making some excuse the next time she comes over. Who could blame a little girl and a puppy for having an accident?"

Regina sighed in relief. "Thanks, Mom. I thought you would be mad."

Her mother looked at her. "Oh I am mad, Regina. Mad that the two of you didn't do it sooner."

Joe was working on his term paper, burning the midnight oil.

Rolling Thunder
09-17-2006, 03:38 PM
Joe leaned back in his chair, rubbing his tired eyes with the back of his hands.
“Damn, this is going to take forever.”
He lurched forward, the front legs of the chair thumped on the floor.
“Who the hell would be knocking at the door this time of night?”
He stood up just as the door burst open. He fell back against the desk, knocking his term papers to the floor like a shower of white leaves. He stared at the intruders, his face contorting in fear as he recognized the leader.
“Well, hello, Joe!” Bunny sneered. “Me and the girls have a few things to discuss about your future.”
Joe looked at the other cheerleaders standing behind Bunny. He felt his eyes bulge in terror as each one pulled out an object from behind their backs.
Joe gulped, “Guess I’m not going to get this term paper done now, even if I burn the midnight oil, huh?”
“Oh, somethings gonna burn,” Bunny smiled, rubbing her cheek with the cattle prod, “but I wouldn’t worry about your term paper….”
* * * * * * * * * * * *
The fish hadn't been fed and was dead.

09-17-2006, 06:54 PM
Joe headed into the bedroom, painted a bright pink that made him want to gauge his eyes out. Hanging above the dresser was a picture of Ellen and her fourth grade class. Directly below that was the fish bowl, gleaming under the light. Joe placed the post card on the dresser, which said, "GREETINGS FROM SPACE CAMP!" He couldn't help but get teary eyed as he read and reread the note. Finally, he put it down and his attention turned to the fish.

Joe grabbed the container filled with miniscule brown flakes and shook it over the bowl. He looked down into the murky water and distinctly saw something yellow floating at the top. Joe withdrew his glasses from his front pocket and looked at the yellow thing again. It was the fish.

Darn it. Why did I have to forget yesterday, and the day before? Ellen is going to be so sad, Joe thought.

Pixies played matchmaker, locking chauvinist pig Bobby and feminazi Karen in the same room. They weren't happy.

09-17-2006, 09:51 PM
Bobby strolled into the room and glanced around. He unrolled the fancy scroll in his hand and shrugged. “Well, I’m right on time. I guess the other guest likes being fashionably late.”

He walked around the room, stopping at the table. He ran his hand over the tablecloth and picked up one of the dishes, turning it over. “Irish linen and real china. Someone has very good taste. Candles and everything, but the table’s only set for two. Hmm. I wonder who my secret admirer is. She must want me bad. Looks like you’re in luck, Bobby, boy. Tonight, you get laid.”

As Bobby examined the table with his back to the door, Karen walked into the room with a scroll in her hand. She glanced at Bobby and stopped. “Oh sh!t, it's you! You’re the one who sent me this invitation? Are you for real? You want to have dinner with me?” She looked around the room. "I notice there's a futon. Wow - really smooth moves. Planning on getting lucky tonight, Fabio? As if."

Bobby let the plate fall on the table. “No freaking way, Rosie O'Donnell. I didn’t send you jacksh!t. I wouldn’t have dinner with you if you were the last woman on earth. As a matter of fact, if you were the last woman on earth, you would be in deep sh!t, wouldn’t you? It would be awful lonely for just one of you man-haters at your little meetings.”

Karen glared at him. “Yeah, well if you were the last man on earth, I would pray that the last woman on earth was Lorena Bobbit. She’d take care of your little … ego problem.”

Bobby snorted and tossed his invitation onto the table. “Yeah, well I’m out of here, KD Lang. I hope you and Vanessa Vibrator will be very happy.”

Both of them looked up as the sound of giggling came from somewhere. They both ran quickly to the door, but it slammed shut before they got there. Karen tried frantically to pull it open. Bobby pushed her aside.

“Here, lady, let a real man do it.”

“Oh yeah, right. You fix it, Tarzan. And make sure you bend over so I can see your plumber’s butt crack.”

Bobby tugged hard on the door. “It’s locked. Hear that? It’s those damn pixies again. Those little flying b!tches love their little jokes. I bet the elves put them up to it. Or maybe it was those stupid gnomes. God I hate gnomes! Remember the good old days when they were just lawn ornaments? Then Jessica Simpson gets elected President and decides it would be cute to animate all those stupid little creatures. Fvck her! Now, everywhere you look are those damn living beanie babies and cute little dwarves. I almost tripped over one on my way over here. I think it was Stupid, or maybe Horny. I can't tell the little dipsh!ts apart anyway."

Karen looked around, running her hands over the walls. “Yeah, well I didn’t vote for her. I bet you did, though. I’m sure her campaign hotpants wardrobe and new boobs caught your attention. Well, one more guest and we have our very own existential hell. Or is that over your head? The big head?”

Bobby checked all the walls and windows. “Well, there’s no way out. We just have to wait for the pixies to finish having their fun. So, as long as we’re here, why don’t you serve up some dinner, woman?”

Karen snorted. “Right, when pigs fly.”

Bobby shrugged. “Yeah, well thanks to President Simpson, they do.”

Allison was cleaning the attic and found an old diary in a trunk.

Tsu Dho Nimh
09-17-2006, 10:07 PM
(Pixies played matchmaker, locking chauvinist pig Bobby and feminazi Karen in the same room. They weren't happy. .... that's an ambiguous antecedent :hooray: ) (collided with the above)

"Ser Pixileno, I told you this was a foolish idea."

"But Your Perfect Pixiness, they were both humans with many friends. I didn't think ..."

"That's what caused this mess. You didn't think! You just locked the door on them and hoped for the best. Look what they did to each other."

Queen Pixileta swept her wand across the room of shattered, bloody furniture and ended with a flourish towards the stiffening corpses. "Just look at this mess! Have you learned anything from this? Anything at all?"

"Uhh, Your Perfect Pixiness," Ser Pixileno stumbled over the words, fluttering his wings. "I have learned that chauvinist pigs and feminazis shouldn't be put in the same cage. They seem to have unlimited hostility towards each other."

"Excellent." The tiny crowned figure turned away from the doorway and fluttered down the hallway towards the next doorway. "Now let us see how those tree-hugging bleeding heart liberals and the ... the ... what were they called, Ser Pixileno?

"Wingnuts, Your Perfect Pixiness, wingnuts."

Balthasar realized he didn't have the time and energy to keep up with a wife and a mistress.

09-17-2006, 10:51 PM
"But you haven't seen me all week!" Dana protested. Balthasar looked at his wife, but she seemed busy preparing the sandwiches for the picnic.

"I know," Balthasar whispered to the reciever. "But my wife wants to go out on a picnic. I've been canceling on her a lot lately because of you, I don't want her to be suspicious."

"Oh! So you care more about her than me?" Balthasar massaged his temples, cursing the day he'd thought it would be a good idea to have a mistress.

"Of course not," he replied. His wife walked over and looked at him, raising her eyebrows in that 'get-off-the-phone' attitude. "Look, Liam, I've got to go now, or the wife will kill me. I'll talk to you later."

"No Balthazar don't you dar-" Balthazar hung up the phone, praying his wife hadn't heard Dana's yelling.

"Everything set, dear," his wife said, kissing him on the cheek.

"Good, put the children on the car and I'll be there shortly. My head hurts." He walked over to the bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror. The circles under his eyes had been growing like fungi since he had started his affair with Dana.

"I need a break," he told himself.


Jake yelled at his wife. She was so hurt she started crying.

09-18-2006, 12:41 AM
"You ****ing c***," Jake yelled.
She clenched her jaw as tears rolled down her cheeks. Sixteen years of marriage, and it came down to this.


Tanya ate too much, and she embarrassed herself at the restaurant.

Rolling Thunder
09-18-2006, 04:47 AM
“Tanya, are you okay? You ate all that food awfully fast,” Bob said.
“No, I’m fine,” Tanya mumbled through her hands, which were clamped across her mouth. “I just need . . . Bbbbbblllllleeeeeegghhhhhhhhhh!”
Bob tensed as the airborne mass of food hit him, making everything go dark.
“I’m guessing you have room for dessert now?” Bob replied.

The little dog seemed lost and whined a lot.

09-18-2006, 07:52 AM
"Hey little guy! Where did you come from?" Beth knelt down and looked at the dog's collar. "No tags, huh? It's okay, don't cry." She scratched under its chin. "Isnt somebody looking for you? You can come home with me. My mom will know what to do."

Denise was very offended by what her friend said and stormed home from the party.

09-19-2006, 06:12 PM
The words played around her mind for a moment. The small part of her not shocked into silence tried to tell her she had misheard. The words echoed again; her face flamed and her hands began to shake.

"Get out of my way," Denise shouted. She lunged forward and struck Will in the chest as she moved. The sound of her boots on the kitchen floor seemed much too loud as she ran to the door, unable to think through her fury.

Luke looked at his computer screen and did not know what to write about.

Rolling Thunder
09-19-2006, 06:37 PM
Luke held his head in his hands, his elbows planted firmly on the comptuer desk as he tapped his fingers across the top of his forehead.

"What the hell should I write about?" he moaned.

Hearing the doorbell ring, he grabbed his wallet. "Ah, pizza's here!"
He opened the door and was startled by the sight. He looked the leather clad woman up and down; trembling at the sight of her tall, lean, cat like body and forgetting all about the pizza.

"Hey, I don't have all night! That'll be thirteen ninety nine."

He gave catwoman the money, and a big tip as well, then watched in fascination as she slinked down the hall and disappeared into the elevator.

"Well, that was interesting," he said, as he opened the box of 'Hellecat Pizza'. "Dammit! There are anchovies on this! I hate anchovies!"

He slammed the box on the table, his eyes lighting up as the idea for a story hit him like a rollerderby queen on acid.

"I know what I can write about!" he shouted.

He threw himself into his chair and began to type: Why I hate little hairy fish on pizza.......

Godzilla was angy and frustrated.

09-20-2006, 07:19 AM
"What do you mean it's broken?" said Hideki Matsui aka Godzilla. "The Yankees need me to play left field! It can't be broken! Just give me an ace bandage and a couple shots of sake and let me back on that field! The Japanese press are here taking pictures! My playing streak is on the line! Just push that bone back in place and put a bandaid on it! Hurry up, I bat third in this inning!"

Ellen was excited that her friends were going to vote for her for President of the PTA, but Jackie thought she deserved the job.

09-21-2006, 05:46 AM
"Oh my god, will you really do it for me?" Ellen's eyes sparkled like a pool under the sun. Bleh. I could tell it was fake, she knew already all of our friends would agree to vote for her so she could win presidency of the PTA.

A tear slid down Ellen's cheek. She was taking it way to far. But the worst was yet to come. She squealed and jumped into Tina's arms, then Lacey's, then Martha's, and then she pulled them all together into one huge group hug. I gave one step back. I was NOT going to be pulled into such a sick love-fest.

"Jacke, thank you so much," Ellen said, but stopped. "Are you okay?" I forced a smile.

"Of course I am," I said. "Hope you win." I could be as fake as Ellen if I wanted to. Or I could just slap her right there. She knew I was thinking of running for presidency of the PTA, she's even told me that I'd make the best president. But she had to take the best for herself, as always.


Jorge felt despair. He didn't want to be evicted, and he couldn't think of how he was going to give his wife the news.

09-21-2006, 09:34 AM
The phone rang and Jorge looked up from his computer screen and answered it.

"Hi honey! I just wanted to let you know I arrived safely."

Jorge leaned back in the chair and smiled. "Good to hear your voice, baby. I hope everything is OK at your mother's."

"Everything is fine. Of course, everyone was disappointed that my fantastic new husband wasnt able to join me. I told them next time."

Jorge glanced at the computer screen. "Yeah, next time for sure."

There was an uncomfortable pause. "Well, I'll let you go now, honey. I know you're probably busy writing. Mom and Dad are taking us all out to dinner. I'll talk to you later. Don't worry, I'll be home soon. I love you."

"I love you, too." Jorge hung up the phone and stared at the stack of envelopes on his desk. "Damn it! How am I going to tell you, Cynthia?" he said to no one but himself. "You trusted me. You let me quit my job and pursue my dream to write. And now, I've let you down. How the hell am I going to be able to tell you that you don't have a home to come home to?" He swept the pile of envelopes onto the floor, picked up the phone and dialed.

"Mr. Hastings? This is Jorge Rios. I need to speak with you as soon as possible. I realize we are a little late with our payments, but I am certain we can come to some arrangement. This eviction notice was entirely unnecessary. There is some money coming in soon. I will speak with you later and at that time, I will be able to pay at least part of what we owe you. I hope you will bear with us just a bit longer."

He hung up the phone and picked up his wife's photo from the desk. "How can I tell you that the guy you married isnt so fantastic after all, Cynthia?"

The school art teacher selected one of Allison's drawings for the school art show and she could hardly wait to tell her parents.

09-21-2006, 04:18 PM
"Oh my God, oh my God," Allison screamed. "Oh my God."

"What? What happened?" Jodie said.

"Ms. Snark just told me she wanted my piece in the art show."

"No way."

"Way. Oh my God."

"Are you going to tell your parents?"

"Duh. I'm going to call them right now."


Rachael wanted the ring so bad.

09-22-2006, 01:47 AM
"Ohmigod look at that!" Rachel squealed, pointing. Jenna looked at her, Rachel kept on squealing and pointing while bouncing on her toes.

"It's a jewelry store," Jenna said. "And a very expensive one. Remember, we have to save our money to afford the trip to Cancun next summer."

"But, but..." Rachel looked about to drool. "Look at that ring!" Jenna turned her gaze to the store, partly because she was curious and partly because she was getting dizzy from Rachel's bouncing.

"That's got to be the most expensive ring I've ever seen."

"But it's beautiful!" Jenna had to admit Rachel was right. Bright, transparent diamonds formed a circle around a single sapphire mounted on a white gold ring. The tag beneath it said seven hundred dollars.

"No way. Have you seen the price?"

"I have," Rachel said. "I have five hundred dollars right now. You have another five hundred. Lend me some money, I promise I'll give it back."

"No way," Jenna said. "It's the money for our graduation trip. I've worked six months to get five hundred dollars. No way I'm giving them to you."

"Oh, but..." Rachel shut up and shoved her hands inside her pockets. Jenna walked beside her on the street until they reached her house.

"Bye then," Rachel said, still looking glum.

"I'm sure you can get it for your birthday," Jenna said, hugging her friend. She ran inside her house and threw herself on her bed, massaging her sore feet.

Something felt weird. Her pants. They were were too loose. Jenna touched her butt. Her wallet was gone!


Johnny was so fed up with Layla he kicked her.

09-22-2006, 09:04 AM
"Hey Layla! You can't cut the line! I'm telling the teacher!"

Layla snorted. "Go ahead you little rat. Figures a geek like you would be a squealer. While you're at it why don't you run home and tell your mommy too, Johnny Depp?"

"Layla, you are just mean. Why don't you shut up and go to the back of the line where you belong?"

"No way, Johnny Rotten. I'm staying here and I don't care who you tell. Got that you dork?"

"You make me so mad, Layla. I could just kick you!"

"Ha! Go ahead, Johnny Cash. Do it, I dare you!"

"You asked for it, Layla! Don't say I didn't warn you."

"Mrs. Jacksonnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!!! Johnny just kicked meeeeeeeeee!!!"

Sandy was afraid to go into the Haunted House on Halloween.

10-04-2006, 05:03 AM
Sandy was afraid to go into the Haunted House on Halloween.

"Come on, Sandy! If I go in first, will you go in?"

"I don't know, I heard it was haunted by a mean ghost," Sandy said. "You'll have to carry me if you want me to go in, because I'm too scared and besides it's Halloween."

Is this better, Ray or anyone else?

Jeff didn't sound too convincing that he wanted to marry Claudia.

10-04-2006, 05:52 AM
Regina shifted her weight from foot to foot, back and forth, back and forth. She took a deep breath and walked into the kitchen, where her mother unloading groceries from the brown bags into the pantry.

Regina stared at the floor, and mumbled, "Um, Mom."

"Hi Sweetie," she said, "what's the matter."

Her stomach filled with butterflies and her hands started to shake. "I, um... well... You know great-grandma's vase?"

"The one she brought with her from Japan?" her mother asked, pulling out a couple of cans of soup.

"Yeah, that one," Regina admitted. "I'm really sorry. I... sort of... hit it with my shoe. It fell on the floor and shattered."

Her mother stopped, a box of crackers suspended in mid air, "What? It's broken? You hit it with your shoe? How did that happen?

Regina studied the wood floor, "That's the other problem."

Regina's house was filled with mysterous looking spiders

10-04-2006, 05:55 AM
sorry, I messed up... I was looking at the bottom of page 1, not page two... sorry...

Soccer Mom
10-04-2006, 06:18 AM
"I'm excited, baby. Really." Jeff shoved his hands down in his pockets. "Have you started telling people yet?"

"Just my parents. And my sister. And a few friends. I can't wait to call my parents." Claudia's eyes glowed with happiness. "I've been planning my wedding since I was eight. I want my bridesmaids to wear yellow. Buttercup yellow. How does that sound?"

"Um, okay I guess. You told your parents already?"

"Of course! I called them the night you proposed. You mean your mother doesn't know?"

Jeff scratched his head. "I guess I need to tell her soon."

"We've been engaged for two weeks and you haven't called your mother?"

"I've been busy."

The day was so hot that Alan didn't want to play baseball.

10-04-2006, 08:39 PM
"I don't think I want to play baseball today, it's so hot," Allan said, as breakfast crept up his throat.

The coffee was so hot she burned her mouth.

11-08-2006, 06:18 PM
The scalding burn!

Lisa sprayed a spluttering mist of coffee onto her laptop and lept out of her seat. She dashed for the bathroom, clasping her mouth.

After his wife left him, Jake decided he liked badgers a whole lot more.

05-04-2007, 06:36 AM
[Bump. It's a good game]

Backward Masking
05-04-2007, 10:35 AM
Jake's heart was racing. Never in his life did he ever feel so completely in love. Before him was a badger unlike any other. It stood against a patch of brush that formed part of the border for Jake's backyard. It's fur was slicked back like The Fonz. The thing that truly got to Jake was that it had the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen. Eyes that made people do things and not consider the consequences until well after the fact. He had to have it.

His love of the badger came after his wife had left him for a mime named Guy Francois. This event had left Jake emotionally devastated. Jake tried to recover from the emotional pain that was then gripping his life. He tried going to singles bars. No success. On-line dating also yielded no results. It wasn't until Jake happened to be watching the Discovery Channel that his obsessive love affair with the badger came to fruition.

Because of a documentary, Jake had come to embrace the way of the badger. Badgers were better than ex-wives in Jake's mind. Badgers were loyal. Badgers wouldn't break Jake's heart.

Curtis was exhausted from all the running, so he decided to jack a car, rob a deli and drive to Oakland.