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I_Shrugged
09-12-2006, 06:12 PM
.

persiphone_hellecat
09-13-2006, 08:10 AM
She was so tall, he needed a Stanley stepladder just to give her a hickey.

It was a dark, stormy night.

persiphone_hellecat
09-14-2006, 02:37 AM
It was the kind of morning that made you want to stretch out on your back in the thick green grass and count the flock of cumulous clouds jumping fences in the sky while humming "Mairzy Dotes".


His life was an open book.

persiphone_hellecat
09-15-2006, 02:33 AM
The fire in her hazel eyes told anyone within viewing distance that there was more anger in her petite little form than there was in a whole barnyard full of rainsoaked Purdue oven roasters.

That was the straw that broke the camel's back.

Soccer Mom
09-15-2006, 05:07 AM
I could handle the lying and the cheating, but when he added gluttony to his list of sins, I was out of there.

They were as thick as thieves.

Bk_30
09-15-2006, 05:17 AM
They were close in that they would trust each other with nothing, but make the other think it was everything.


hair on a frogs butt

FreeStyle
09-15-2006, 07:23 AM
It was miniscule. Tiny, if it existed at all beyond my own imagination.


She needed to go find herself.

persiphone_hellecat
09-15-2006, 08:42 AM
It was time for her to throw off the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune and buy herself a decent mirror.

He was stuck in a rut.

FreeStyle
09-16-2006, 05:36 AM
He had slipped into a stale place in time where nothing short of divine inspiration could mercifully disrupt this sad course.

Every cloud has a silver lining.

persiphone_hellecat
09-16-2006, 07:01 AM
According to the science of nehpology, the interior of every visible mass of condensed droplets or frozen crystals suspended in the atmosphere above the surface of the Earth or another planetary body, otherwise known as a meteorological occurrence henceforth referred to as a cloud contains a substance that is silver in color, although there are too many elements that are silver in color to be able to determine from that description exactly what the material is. Unfortunately, to be able to examine this material closer, one would have to be an angel.

Cheer up. Things could be worse.

Silver King
09-16-2006, 07:48 AM
When my car broke down, and I got out to push it to the side of the road, I was clipped by a tow truck speeding by and soon noticed my left leg, dismembered some feet away, still twitching in the center of the road near the double lines, and thought to myself, "At least I'm still alive."

Blood is thicker than water.

persiphone_hellecat
09-16-2006, 08:03 AM
When my brother asked me for the loan, I hugged him, smiled and said. "Hey little brother, what are big sisters for? After all, blood is thicker than water." He smiled back as he took my check and replied, "Yeah, but it's pretty disgusting to take a bath in."

Measure twice - cut once.

dancingandflying
09-16-2006, 08:16 AM
"Okay... Now it's very important I cut six inches from the wrist, no less, no more, okay?" He nodded, the thick viens in his neck popping out from under the skin. I took a tape measure to his arm quickly and grabbed the saw. He began bawling, tears streaming down his red face. His forearm fell to the floor, twitching slightly, blood pooling around the limb. As I bandaged the bloody stump, I moaned, "Aw, crap..." He looked up slightly at me, dazed and a little relieved. "I only cut three inches."

;D. "like a possom eating ****."
dancingandflying

persiphone_hellecat
09-16-2006, 08:37 AM
May we have another cliche please? That one is inappropriate.

persiphone_hellecat
09-17-2006, 01:47 AM
It was entirely Jackie's fault. She took that golden retriever puppy and turned it into a wuss -- cooking it fresh hamburger, letting it sleep in her bed. She even put bows in the dog's ears. So was it any wonder that when Bobby shot the pheasant on the first day of hunting season, and yelled "FETCH!" the damn dog ran to the car and brought back its brush?

Tammy knew there was more there than met the eye.

Silver King
09-17-2006, 03:10 AM
When Tammy got a shiner from bumping into a wall in the dark, she realized there was more there than met the eye.

He was as stubborn as a mule.

persiphone_hellecat
09-17-2006, 08:25 AM
Smug in his knowledge that a mule is the offspring of a female donkey and a male horse -- as opposed to a hinny which is the offspring of a female horse and a male donkey, Ted's equestrine friends knew he was wrong, but they also knew the hissy he would throw if they mentioned it to him, and therefore they quietly allowed him to continue to be an a$$. (I like that one!!)

He looked like something the cat dragged in.

maestrowork
09-17-2006, 09:09 AM
He came in with his hair all drenched and matted, his eyes all beady and lifeless; the only thing he didn't have was a tail.

--

He had a frog in his throat.

persiphone_hellecat
09-17-2006, 09:15 AM
Down on one knee, ring in hand, he tried to ask her to marry him, but all that came out was a croak. For a split second, she wondered She began if she truly had found a prince or if this guy was just another one to toss back into the pond.

Beam me up, Scotty. There's no intelligent life down here.

maestrowork
09-17-2006, 09:21 AM
I got on the jet and told Scott, the pilot: "You know, I've seen enough of Capital Hill. Nothing but a bunch of Paris Hiltons. Just take me home."

----

She's curious as a cat.

persiphone_hellecat
09-17-2006, 10:08 AM
It was no mistake that Katherine's parents nicknamed her Kitty. From the moment she was old enough to walk, she was into everything, and nothing short of a catnap could stop her from poking her pert little pink nose into places it didn't belong.


The captain went down with the ship.

maestrowork
09-17-2006, 10:14 AM
When corporate went bankrupt, the CEO got the boot.

---

Take it or leave it.

persiphone_hellecat
09-17-2006, 10:24 AM
When Grandma finally made it to the buffet table, there was only one piece of the turkey left. She had two choices - and one of them involved going to bed hungry.

A light went off over Mark's head when he finally figured out the answer to the problem.