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View Full Version : Pull the other one, it's got bells on.



PeeDee
09-09-2006, 06:00 PM
I just got this in the mail. It's a brochure. The front says:

A Gift To Your Family

from Miller-Carlin Funeral Home - Now with three convenient locations!

on the back, it says this:

Miller-Carlin Funeral Homes were the first:
-To have a complete play room for kids
- To allow food during visitations
- To provide tables and chairs for lunches at the funeral home
- To discuss "Celebration of life"
- To offer an antique hearse

and it also says:

"It never occured to me that I could die before my parents, until I had a heart attack." -- Joel Vogel

And when you open this brochure, it asks for every name and date of birth you can think of, your anscestry, your children (living or deceased) your brothers and sisters, and what you want done with you when you die, and your military information.

......

:Wha:

alleycat
09-09-2006, 06:08 PM
Miller-Carlin Funeral Homes were the first:
-To have a complete play room for kids
- To allow food during visitations
- To provide tables and chairs for lunches at the funeral home
- To discuss "Celebration of life"
- To offer an antique hearse


I guess the next thing is an in-service movie. Your choice of an Adam Sandler film, or the next Pixar release.

poetinahat
09-09-2006, 06:09 PM
So what was the gift? Did you keep it?

And who the heck cares if a funeral home is in a convenient location? We're not talking drycleaners here. I don't think I'd want my funeral to be at a major intersection.

PeeDee
09-09-2006, 06:13 PM
The gift is either anticipation of my death, or else it was the privelege of getting to give them all my personal information so they know what to do with my body when I die.

I guess I wouldn't want the funeral home to be, say, four hours away. The body would not do well in the car, especially if it was hot and sunny.

SpookyWriter
09-09-2006, 06:13 PM
Miller-Carlin Funeral Home Now why does that sound like a beer commercial with George Carlin as the spokesperson?

PeeDee
09-09-2006, 06:14 PM
Or a freaking car dealership.

alleycat
09-09-2006, 06:18 PM
When I go, feel free to skip the "Celebration of Life" service . . . I know I will be.

PeeDee
09-09-2006, 06:23 PM
I want an open-casket viewing after I'm dead. In my will, I will declare that I want the funeral home people to put me into very detailed zombie makeup just before the viewing.

:D

alleycat
09-09-2006, 06:25 PM
I want an open-casket viewing after I'm dead. In my will, I will declare that I want the funeral home people to put me into very detailed zombie makeup just before the viewing.

:D
Will the makeup be necessary?

PeeDee
09-09-2006, 06:26 PM
You're right. No make-up, just leave me in the sun for a while before the viewing. That'll do fine.

alleycat
09-09-2006, 06:30 PM
You might want to ask that they put up a sneeze guard so that the bereaved mourners who have the munchies won't get crumbs in the casket.

PeeDee
09-09-2006, 06:43 PM
They could use my open casket as the salad bar too. I mean, I won't mind.

SpookyWriter
09-09-2006, 06:50 PM
They could use my open casket as the salad bar too. I mean, I won't mind.Or load it up with Peter Butter...:D ...and have an assortment of crackers on the side.

PeeDee
09-09-2006, 06:52 PM
And manly bacon too, of course.

SpookyWriter
09-09-2006, 06:53 PM
And manly bacon too, of course.Okay, I'm going to skip breakfast and go straight to the hard stuff. :)

PeeDee
09-09-2006, 06:55 PM
Not a good thing to say when following up a post about manly bacon. The hard stuff, huh? Spooky, I said I'm not dating you!

SpookyWriter
09-09-2006, 06:56 PM
Not a good thing to say when following up a post about manly bacon. The hard stuff, huh? Spooky, I said I'm not dating you!:roll: Gee...you got me there. I was thinking more along the lines of liquid hard stuff. (that sounds just as bad...ewwww...)

Unique
09-09-2006, 06:58 PM
Show us this manly bacon so we can decide now if we want to attend. :D

PeeDee
09-09-2006, 06:59 PM
Sorry. While I'm still alive, that's gonna cost you five bucks.

Unique
09-09-2006, 07:01 PM
Sorry. While I'm still alive, that's gonna cost you five bucks.

Is this how you plan to finance the funeral service?

SC Harrison
09-09-2006, 07:04 PM
I want an open-casket viewing after I'm dead. In my will, I will declare that I want the funeral home people to put me into very detailed zombie makeup just before the viewing.

:D

With a contraption that causes your upper body to raise up while your head is turning to face the mourners. That would be classic.

PeeDee
09-09-2006, 07:13 PM
With a contraption that causes your upper body to raise up while your head is turning to face the mourners. That would be classic.

Yes! Brilliant! I want to terrify my mourning loved ones!

...well, sort of, I do. :)

SpookyWriter
09-09-2006, 07:21 PM
I think it would be fun to swap bodies at my funeral. Like have a standin for the funeral.

P.S. I just noticed that funeral is "fun" e ... ral...(funny ralph?)

PeeDee
09-09-2006, 07:27 PM
"I miss my Uncle Stu......wait.....hang on.....no, really, look, that's not Stu."

allion
09-09-2006, 07:43 PM
I'm still trying to get my head around the "food at the visitation" thing. What would you serve? Nachos? Sandwiches without the crust? Chips and dip? A cold meat and cheese plate?

Do you really need food there, then? I thought that was what the wake was for. Really, can't people stop eating for the hour or so to look at a dead person?

(I do love the zombie makeup idea)

Karen

PeeDee
09-09-2006, 07:44 PM
"Attention guests. Due to the extreme popularity of our cold meat and cheese platter today at the wake for our friend John, I'm sorry to say we cannot open the casket for the viewing. I'm sorry."

Shwebb
09-09-2006, 08:11 PM
Seriously--

In a neighboring county, we had a funeral parlor that also had a video game room in it. No, really!

They took out the game room, finally. I'm sure that kids didn't want to go to a creepy funeral parlor to play video games, and I'm really sure that the mourners did not want to hear Ding! Ding! Ping! Kapong! while they were paying their respects.

When I die, can they just put a joy buzzer on me? If anyone tries to hold my hand--zap! Or maybe they can rig an electrical charge to make one eyelid flutter just a bit.

Heeyy, do you think we could all get jobs at a funeral home? We really could put the "fun" back in "funeral."

PeeDee
09-09-2006, 08:16 PM
We would all get arrested in a heartbeat.

But all right. Hypothetically, what job at the funeral home would you have, Schwebb?

William Haskins would be the on-site grievance counselor. :D

Godfather
09-09-2006, 09:38 PM
-To have a complete play room for kids


Daddy! Daddy! Can we go to the graveyard??

Not today, children.

Why not??

Nobodies died!

Awwwww

writerterri
09-09-2006, 09:47 PM
I just spent time at one not too long ago. It didn't even have air conditioning of all things.

We planned to have my mom cremated, but we wanted to have a viewing of her to say our goodbye's-- we nearly croaked on the scene when they told us that we could rent a casket for 690.00! Rent one! The director said it would be a fancy cardboard casket. For 6--9--0--,--0--0 dollars. What? We settled for a private family viewing on the gurney and saved 500.00 dollars and lived happily ever after--death.

Who thought that up? Gee--lets give the people who can't afford funerals the option to rent a casket for 700.00 and lets make it out of fancy cardboard. Gee, boss that's a great idea!

What?


BTW PeeDee, my mom passed suddenly while you were gone.

SpookyWriter
09-09-2006, 09:55 PM
Terri,

Arrgggghhh...let's get mad and then even with those insensitive jerks. I say be boycott their establishment. If I die, please arrange a private viewing out back since the only ones coming to inspect my corpse will probably be the grandbugs of the crickets and grasshoppers I killed this past month.

(Seriously though. I want you to know how deeply sadden I am for your loss. I understand a little of what you experienced from my own childhood and send you my best wishes. We love you!)

writerterri
09-09-2006, 09:58 PM
Terri,

Arrgggghhh...let's get mad and then even with those insensitive jerks. I say be boycott their establishment. If I die, please arrange a private viewing out back since the only ones coming to inspect my corpse will probably be the grandbugs of the crickets and grasshoppers I killed this past month.

(Seriously though. I want you to know how deeply sadden I am for your loss. I understand a little of what you experienced from my own childhood and send you my best wishes. We love you!)

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/11/11_1_125.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZUxdm080YYUS) I appreciate it, Darlin'! Thanks.







http://www.smileycentral.com/sig.jsp?pc=ZSzeb098&pp=ZUxdm080YYUS (http://smiley.smileycentral.com/download/index.jhtml?partner=ZSzeb098_ZUxdm080YYUS&utm_id=7926)

SpookyWriter
09-09-2006, 10:02 PM
Well bud, it's true. So back at ya!

http://www.geocities.com/jen_lai/tyler/pic/7months/chineseSuit2.jpg

writerterri
09-09-2006, 10:18 PM
Well bud, it's true. So back at ya!

http://www.geocities.com/jen_lai/tyler/pic/7months/chineseSuit2.jpg


Look it's Ray when he was a baby! That is a squeeze waiting to happen. Now I need a baby fix...

SpookyWriter
09-09-2006, 10:22 PM
Terri,

I wanted more babies a few years ago and so I dated a woman 20 years younger. It was fun (she is Ukrainian) and we had a blast, and then came the realization that I was too old to become a father again. So she had a bady with another man and we remained friends for a while.

I love little babies! Someday I'll be a grandpa and will have all the little babies to make me happy!

Edit: Ewwww...I just realized I want my little girls to get knocked up and have babies. Errrr...I will shoot the first guy who lays a hand on my girls.

scarletpeaches
09-09-2006, 10:22 PM
I want my body left in state until I'm squelchy (always been scared of being buried alive).

The song? Wish Me Luck As You Wave Me Goodbye.

SpookyWriter
09-09-2006, 10:25 PM
I want my body left in state until I'm squelchy (always been scared of being buried alive).

The song? Wish Me Luck As You Wave Me Goodbye.Did you know that if you stay exposed long enough after death that you have them same body composition as an overly ripe peach. Hmmmm...

Southern_girl29
09-09-2006, 11:19 PM
I'm still trying to get my head around the "food at the visitation" thing. What would you serve? Nachos? Sandwiches without the crust? Chips and dip? A cold meat and cheese plate?

Do you really need food there, then? I thought that was what the wake was for. Really, can't people stop eating for the hour or so to look at a dead person?

(I do love the zombie makeup idea)

Karen

I can't believe you don't have food at the visitation. Maybe this is a Southern thing. But, when someone dies, you cook. You take the food to the funeral home. Some of it is placed on a table for visitors, especially the family, to eat then; the rest is packed up and taken home. To be honest, I've never really been to a wake, or at least, not to a formal wake. We would sometimes gather at their house, but it's not like the wake's I've read about in books or seen on television. The food thing doesn't strike me as weird at all.

persiphone_hellecat
09-09-2006, 11:28 PM
Pee Dee you had me for a while there. I thought this thread was going to be about your "ding a ling" that should tell you where my mind is most of the time.

Long time ago, my hubby and I moved into a house previously rented by a Kramer Stiff and his wife. Real names - or at least the names they rented the house under. When I got a letter from a local cemetary addressed to Kramer Stiff, I almost died laughing.

I would add to your casket a fog machine somewhere underneath the body to provide the appropriate atmosphere. And of course a pre recorded tape - done before your demise naturally saying things like "Damn it's hot down here! I sure could use a glass of ice water!" and "Don't laugh Uncle Joe, you'll be here soon too". And instead of those little prayer cards they hand out, how about maps for the Highway to Hell with a little X that says "You are here"?

Naturally, serve Devil's food cake and Death by Chocolate. ... I hate a piece of Death by Chocolate the other day -- it only made me stronger. And don't forget the devilled eggs.

Persi

Christine N.
09-09-2006, 11:43 PM
I can appreciate a playroom for children. When a relative dies, some can't get a babysitter, especially if all your normal babysitters are also relatives who will be at the service.

And if they have a separate room, serving food wouldn't be such a bad idea. Saves the bereaved from having to clean their house or find someone else's house for the after service gathering. My grandmother booked us at a restaurant when my grandfather died, and that saved a lot of hassle.

I can see it being just one less thing to worry about.

The rest of the stuff, well, if you make all your arrangements ahead of time, the funeral home has them on record and the person doing the funeral just has to pay for everything. Makes it easy.

Personally I'd like to be cremated. Why should I take up all that space in the ground?

Wanna hear something really weird? My hubby's stepfather's mother passed away last week. She left a specific LIST of people that were allowed to come to the services.

A freaking list. Like she's going to care about who's at her funeral - she's dead! We weren't on it anyway.

writerterri
09-10-2006, 12:40 AM
Terri,

I wanted more babies a few years ago and so I dated a woman 20 years younger. It was fun (she is Ukrainian) and we had a blast, and then came the realization that I was too old to become a father again. So she had a bady with another man and we remained friends for a while.

I love little babies! Someday I'll be a grandpa and will have all the little babies to make me happy!

Edit: Ewwww...I just realized I want my little girls to get knocked up and have babies. Errrr...I will shoot the first guy who lays a hand on my girls.

I can't wait for my kids to bring me home babies, at the right time of course. I love babies too. When I see one in the store I just want to pick it up and give it a squeeze and a big O'l fat smooch, pinch their thighs and blow raspberries in their cheeks.

Sorry you couldn't have anymore. I would have had one more if I hadn't been so sick with my last pregnancy. Now I'm glad my kids are all older and out from under my feet. I'm a sucker for new borns though.

SpookyWriter
09-10-2006, 01:17 AM
Terri,

I love babies so much. They smell like life, so beautiful, and precious. Why do you think I have a baby avatar? Who knows, maybe someday I will have more babies with a woman I love, respect and is my best friend in life.

Cheers,

Jon

Carrie in PA
09-10-2006, 01:17 AM
Ok, this is semi-related. A local guy that owns one of the funeral homes has a totally warped sense of humor. Every Halloween, they cart a casket out on the front porch. He gets all made up and waits for trick-or-treaters. As soon as they ring the doorbell, he sits up out of the casket. Twisted, I tell you.

For my funeral I want padded flooring for all those people who will undoubtedly be throwing themselves down, overcome by unbearable grief. :ROFL:

SpookyWriter
09-10-2006, 01:19 AM
For my funeral I want padded flooring for all those people who will undoubtedly be throwing themselves down, overcome by unbearable grief. :ROFL:Or you can go for the padded cell now for all those people who believe you're sane to come "peekaboo" while you huddle in the corner. :roll:

Carrie in PA
09-10-2006, 04:00 AM
Or you can go for the padded cell now for all those people who believe you're sane to come "peekaboo" while you huddle in the corner. :roll:

:roll: :roll: :roll:

persiphone_hellecat
09-10-2006, 06:18 AM
Every Halloween my son participates in a cellphone scavenger hunt. They get a list of things to take pics of, they turn them in through the sidekicks - I don't really know the procedure. Last year, the two of us drove all over the place taking pics ... Of a Walmart greeter, a house with Christmas decorations up, a person dressed like the pope ... the list was like 10 pages. One of the items was a photo of a coffin. Well I just drove into a local cemetary and the two of us got out and attended ... someone's funeral. Donno who it was. We got off the shot, quietly snuck back to our cars and drove away. I can't wait to see this year's list. I hear this year you have to take a pic of a person IN a coffin. We had a blast. Our team came in 2nd.

SpookyWriter
09-10-2006, 07:38 AM
Every Halloween my son participates in a cellphone scavenger hunt.Oh boy, I need to stop reading way too much into this message. I could have sworn you said "cellulite scavenger hunt." Now that's freaky stuff.

http://images.google.com/url?q=http://esutras.com/images/Cellulite%2520Oil.jpg&sig=__CGhAtH8MZH1iXpvN8YemMjXPHQ4=

persiphone_hellecat
09-10-2006, 07:42 AM
Spooky you shocked me. I went to that site expecting a photo of a huge woman with cellulite up the wa-zoo. Instead I got massage oil. Im assuming that is massage oil FOR cellulite not OF cellulite? I hope ...

SpookyWriter
09-10-2006, 08:07 AM
Spooky you shocked me. I went to that site expecting a photo of a huge woman with cellulite up the wa-zoo. Instead I got massage oil. Im assuming that is massage oil FOR cellulite not OF cellulite? I hope ...I was wondering the same thing. :D

Here's a smokers patch and celluite (http://www.patch-minceur.com/images/jpg/patch-l.jpg) treatment in one.

BottomlessCup
09-10-2006, 08:12 AM
You see the thread title and you think, "well, this'll be gross."

Then you open it and you're like, "Holy mother of god..."

persiphone_hellecat
09-10-2006, 08:14 AM
Actually I was thinking of the Ding a Ling song... I love that song.