View Full Version : Goodbye, cruel world!

09-03-2004, 08:31 AM
A recent posting of mine ended up bringing back a bad memory. The time I passed out after I was unable to breathe. This was a very frightening experience for me and it's not one I like to talk at length about.

I call it an "asthma attack" but I don't have asthma. It was just a time I was not able to breathe. This has happened before and still happens sometimes. But I know for a fact that I don't have asthma. Just a poor respiratory system.

And alcohol is a big problem with it. I don't know how, but the more alcohol I consume, the weaker my lungs get. It's like my respiratory system shuts down. There was one time I actually fell to my knees trying to breathe because I had too strong of a drink.

And today I just wondered, you know, why play with fire? Why risk my life just for a good drink?

And so I have decided to kill the drinker in me. This may shock my family (they're ALL heavy drinkers) but I have a child who I want to see grow up. I kinda want to stick around. And breathe okay.

I may have a sip or a drink once in a while, but always something mild and never more than one.

So long, you drinking fool! :ack

09-03-2004, 08:57 AM
Good for you! I hope you are able to beat this, and make your body healthier, it's going to be hard...but us writers have thick skin, eh? Good luck to you, and let us know how you are doing!

09-03-2004, 09:04 AM
From a study completed at Radford: (http://www.radford.edu/~kcastleb/text.html)
The fact is that you pass out due to the body’s inability to tolerate the amount of alcohol that you have put into it. Alcohol is a central nervous system depressant that works to slow down the heart rate, lower your blood pressure, and slow your breathing rate. Once your brain has been depressed enough by the alcohol, you pass out. The amount of alcohol it takes to make you pass out is dangerously close to the amount of alcohol it takes to make you dead!

careful kid, I've seen the drastic results. I'm sure I did it too

09-03-2004, 09:27 AM
:hug :thumbs :clap

Good for you!

09-03-2004, 12:30 PM
Greenie, I had to quit arsenic for the same reason.

09-03-2004, 05:59 PM
Good luck!



09-03-2004, 06:06 PM
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09-03-2004, 09:30 PM
Good for you, Dawn! If you think you can handle the occasional drink, more power to you. My brother is like that. For me, I don't dare touch the stuff at all or risk becoming a drunk again.

You'll find I'm sure that without booze, your life lacks nothing.

aka eraser
09-03-2004, 10:22 PM
Hopefully the proof will be in the pudding Dawn. If no drink=feeling better you'll know you're on to something. Hope it works out. :)

09-04-2004, 12:09 AM
That's excellent news! Absolute best of luck.

09-04-2004, 04:25 AM
Thank you for all of your comments and support, everyone. It really means a lot! :hug to all of you!

Mike: There is actually one time that I passed out where I had a Near-Death Experience. Scary!

I know that I can do it this time 'round. I have tried to before but failed. Now I'm going to REALLY stick with it! Everything is being changed: My lifestyle, diet, daily routine, etc. I once knew someone in AA who told me that the best way to kick the drinking habit was to change your life completely. He was right.

Er, but I'm *not* getting rid of the daughter and hubby. :) Just changing what I can.

After I got over depression, I made a MAJOR life change because I knew current circumstances would make it too easy for me to fall back into that pit. The same goes with alcoholism.

And, for the first time in a LONG time, I woke up this morning feeling energized and positive. It's a great feeling. :) I feel like I have a fresh start on life.

I know there will be bad days. And that temptation will rear it's ugly head. But I can't give up. It was just ruining my writing output, my marriage and myself in general. But I'm really determined to nip this in the bud for good.

09-04-2004, 05:33 AM
Er, but I'm *not* getting rid of the daughter and hubby.

Good. You need your support system for this. (And don't get rid of us, either... :grin )

Dawn, on your rough days, reach out. We'll be here for ya. :hug

09-09-2004, 12:44 PM
Ah, thanks, Ruth!! :hug I would never forget about YOU guys!! :)

It's been pretty rough. I've had sleepless nights, frazzled nerves and the urge to just SCREAM. But I've kept myself sober thus far. And NOBODY can say there's a single speck of dust in my house!

At least the less sleep means more writing time. :grin

09-10-2004, 02:37 AM
had sleepless nights, frazzled nerves and the urge to just SCREAM.

So scream!

Lots of :hug

09-11-2004, 07:25 PM
Good for you! Don't quit quitting lol :hug

09-12-2004, 05:37 AM
Great Job.

You can do it.

AND dont ever look back.

It takes alot of courage, strength, and will power to take that first step--and you have. That's the most hardest step to take.



09-12-2004, 08:14 AM
The best place to do scream therapy is in the car while driving. On the highway is best because there's no one around, however, I don't recommend driving at high speeds while practicing this ancient therapeutic art. Or, um, talking on a cellular phone either.

For me, on the rare occasion that another driver might take notice, it's not that bad. I'm a Boston driver. It's expected.:D

Thinking of you, Dawn. Hope you are doing well.

09-12-2004, 11:36 AM
Miss K, Angel and Lisa: Thank you SO MUCH for your support!!! :hug The temptation is killing me. But I'm going to make myself eat a whole box of chocolates before I cave in. Then I'll feel too guilty to want to drink. AND I'm plenty stocked on Coke. :)

Of course I've scared my daughter a couple of times with the screaming thing. Don't have a car to scream in. :head

09-12-2004, 11:50 AM
I just wanted to add something here...

My sis was recently out at another sister's house. She'd been drinking, planning to spend the night. (She had her son with her.) Things got bad over there, some violence ensued between other people there and my sister got scared. She couldn't leave with her son herself because she was too drunk to drive. She had a friend come and get them.

I think about that as a reminder that I'm doing the right thing in stopping this self-destruction. I do feel good that I am taking better care of myself and, you know, my daughter would not be in a dangerous situation very long because I would be sober enough to get her out of it. My mom is upset with my sister and hopes this will be the turning point for her. I hope so, too.

And ... I used to be very religious then went through a period of not being so religious. I haven't been turning to God so much before during that time. But if there is one time I'd need to do so, it would be now. And, you know, it helps. (Just because I wasn't religious, it doesn't mean I didn't believe in God, because I always have and I do.)

09-13-2004, 02:52 AM
Prayers for you, Dawn.

Glad to know you're still on track. How's your breathing been lately?


09-13-2004, 04:12 PM
Thanks, Ruth. :hug

But actually, the breathing problem hasn't improved. ... :cry Last night I had two episodes of being unable to breathe. TWO!! The second one lasted the longest and it was the worst. I am afraid to sleep. I just don't know what else to do.

09-13-2004, 09:09 PM

It may take a while for your lungs to start getting stronger. You've just begun your journey to better health without the bottle. Give yourself time.


aka eraser
09-13-2004, 09:24 PM
Dawn, could the breathing thing be an anxiety attack? I'm just wondering but am no expert. Our Fearless Leader is though. Might be worth a meander through the posts on her anxiety and panic disorders board.

Hang in there kiddo. :thumbs

09-13-2004, 10:11 PM
Frank, thank you for that. I hadn't thought of that. BUT I do question it, because sometimes this happened to me when I was relaxed. Still, it might be lingering stressors. If you read my blog, you'd know I had a stressful week last week. And, my hubby and I had a bad argument last night before this happened. So, I don't know. I need to look into that further.

I did manage to get a few hours of sleep and nothing happened. Phew.

I looked at Jenna's board on her book about this and www.anxietypanic.com/ (http://www.anxietypanic.com/) and looked at the symptoms. The only reason I would think I'm about to die when this happens is because I cannot breathe at all. There's no air in my lungs to breathe with.

But maybe I should talk with Jenna about it. Er, after things calm down for her. :)

As for Ruth's post: I recently got back into an aerobics program. I had to stop when I injured my foot (which recently completely healed) and I've been doing that about 4 times a week. I know it will take time before my lungs get stronger. I know that walking is great exercise for strengthening lungs, but I am not able to go for walks in my neighborhood again yet, because of something that happened before.

Thanks for your posts, guys. :hug


09-14-2004, 03:01 AM
You're doing great, Dawn. Keep up the positive attitude, that'll go a long, long way. :thumbs

09-14-2004, 08:22 PM
Thanks for the inspiration.

I wonder if you could use that device they have for sleep apnea. I gather it wakes the person if they stop breathing.

Not that you need it, but maybe it'd give you peace of mind so you can sleep better?

I like the glass of wine, champagne. As I get older it seems I don't metabolize it as well, or even enjoy it as much. I've had reason to anesthetize my emotions, and the bubbly gets so tempting. I'm avoiding it.

Cheers. :peace

09-15-2004, 08:01 PM
Dont give up.

AND especially dont go backwards.

Two of my brothers drink EVERY weekend. They plan with friends and look forward to it all week long. Sometimes the alcohol brings out the darker side of people though. Alcohol can put you or your loved ones in a very dangerous environment...

It also affects financially...

My brothers complain about bills, not having enough to do more things with their children etc. I try to tell them its the alcohol but they never listen. If they cant even listen to themselves, why would they listen to me.

You are doing the right thing however. You are doing what I wish they would do before its too late.

So dont EVER EVER go backwards. It may be a one-way trip down next time.

As for sleeping, hmmm I remember not wanting to sleep because I thought I would stop breathing and die. It was a mental fear to me.... I forgot how I conquered it..i dont want to remember that much because it might come back


As for God...if you want to seek him...go for it. Thats what I did when I really needed strength and will to face my adversities.

Unlike others around you, He wont judge you, criticize you, put you down, or make you feel like crap. He's the greatest listener and he can be your greatest friend.

I know first hand.


09-15-2004, 09:59 PM
Dawn (and Gala),

One day at a time. :hug

Glad to hear you slept, Dawn. :hug

And Angel, I don't know of a brother on earth who would listen to his siblings on this matter. I know mine doesn't. <sigh> I'm with ya there, buddy.

09-15-2004, 10:57 PM
Thank you so much, you guys!! :hug I do think I'm out of the woods because I'm not tempted anymore and I'm able to get through my days without even a sip. At first I thought that having just one would be okay but then I found out that that wasn't possible. (Yes, I *did* have one bad day after my first post on this.) I truly think that I'm better off without it completely. If I'm in a position where there's social drinking going on, I'll just have the nonalcoholic drink and not care what looks I end up getting.

I used to be a heavy drinker, in my early 20's. (Yup, the introduction to alcohol at the age of 21 did it!) That was when I had a friend in AA decide he would help me stop. I did (after a long time) but I have no one to help now. But I think I'm doing okay. A lot better than last time, at least. The support I've been getting here REALLY helps!!

It's so weird. I feel like a different person. Really. Everything just seems so ... new.

And, yeah, I do still have the breathing loss episodes. In fact, I had a small one yesterday. But so far, so good. I don't know if it has anything to do with the absence of alcohol or not. But if it gets worse, I'm going to see a doctor about it. I may even have to postpone my trip to Atlanta. :(

Gala, I am glad I inspired you. :) Though I have heard that a daily glass of wine won't hurt you. In fact, it's supposed to be good for you. But if you get to a point where you're indulging, then, yes, it's time to stop. That's what happened with me. Good luck to you and please let me know what happens.

MrAngel, I am not going to look back. Believe me; looking back is what drove me into depression before. And drinking, of course. I don't recommend it to anyone with a troubled past. As for your brothers, I empathize. Mine are the same way. One of them is even on welfare and has 4 kids. That money spent on alcohol should go towards the family. It really does make a difference when you don't use it for booze. Same with smoking; that is money saved put to good use. (Er, not to bash smokers here. And I'm not speaking from personal experience, either. It's just what I've heard.)

I am worried about that one-way trip down... That's why I had to put a STOP to my self-destruction. I just had to END it. Before it was too late.

Thank you again. You, too, Ruth!! :hug

Take care.