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Kevin Yarbrough
09-06-2006, 06:54 AM
I know this doesn't deal with PA but since I post in this section more than most I thought I would put this here, I hope the mods don't mind.

My wife died at 8:15 this morning. I found her Sunday unresponsive and took her to the ER, there they found out she was in acute liver failure. She was air lifted to St. Louis University Hospital where they told me she needed a liver transplant to survive. They found one a few hours later, across the street at another hospital, and was testing it when her brain died. I was the one that had to tell them to pull the plug on the ventilator.

We have two boys ages 6 and 2, both of them Autistic. It is so hard for them because they need their routine and without their mom here they are lost, as am I. We were coming up on our 10 year aniversary but now it is all gone. I'm so lost I don't know what to do anymore. I have been with her for 12 years and now she is gone.

I don't want to go on but I have to for our boys.

My life has been turned upside down. Our lives have been hell for the past 4 years and now this. Can things get any worse?....I shouldn't say that because God might take my boys from me next.

I'm sorry for posting this here.

Perks
09-06-2006, 06:57 AM
Oh, Kevin. Holy sh!t. I'm so, so sorry and that's so incredibly weak, but I can't think of anything else to say. It's something that you thought to tell us. We want to hear you. Good god.

triceretops
09-06-2006, 07:03 AM
Kevin, words fail me at this time. I'm totally stunned and have always looked upon you as an upright and loving guy. I'm sure your wife knew that too, and still does. I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am about this, but I do know that you will have to take this day by day. Give your children all the love and support that you can. And carry on. It will take time. I can relate to tragedy--my father and I were struck down in a crosswalk, and I lived. Dad didn't. It's taken a lot out of me and much time for these wounds to heal.

I love you, buddy. Please take care.

Tri--Chris.

Medievalist
09-06-2006, 07:04 AM
Kevin I'll be thinking of you. I don't have words for you, but you will be in my thoughts and in those of many of us.

roach
09-06-2006, 07:07 AM
Kevin, I'm so sorry to read about your loss. I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts.

emeraldcite
09-06-2006, 07:09 AM
Kevin: I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I can't imagine what you're going through. I'll be keeping you and your family in my thoughts.

AmyBA
09-06-2006, 07:09 AM
Oh, Kevin, I am so sorry for your loss-- you and your family are certainly in my thoughts and prayers.

MacAllister
09-06-2006, 07:10 AM
Oh, lord. Kevin, I'm so very sorry.

James D. Macdonald
09-06-2006, 07:14 AM
Take care, my brother.

Unique
09-06-2006, 07:14 AM
OMG, Kevin! I am SO sorry. Is there anything I can do? Do you have family close by? I will be praying for you. Let us know if we can help.

Sonarbabe
09-06-2006, 07:17 AM
I'm so very sorry to hear about your loss. I will keep you in my thoughts.

Popeyesays
09-06-2006, 07:17 AM
O my God! O Thou forgiver of sins, bestower of gifts, dispeller of afflictions!

Verily, I beseech Thee to forgive the sins of such as have abandoned the physical garment and have ascended to the spiritual world.

O my Lord! Purify them from trespasses, dispel  their sorrows, and change their darkness into light. Cause them to enter the garden of happiness, cleanse them with the most pure water, and grant them to behold Thy splendors on the loftiest mount.

- 'Abdu'l-Bahá

(Compilations, Baha'i Prayers, p. 44)

TemlynWriting
09-06-2006, 07:33 AM
Oh, Kevin! There are no words. I am so sorry.

MMo
09-06-2006, 07:35 AM
Kevin, I am so very, very sorry.

Shwebb
09-06-2006, 07:37 AM
Oh, my dear man. I'm so very, very sorry for your loss. What incalculable grief you must be suffering right now.

I hope you are able to find some comfort in knowing that you have people who care about you. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

lauram
09-06-2006, 07:42 AM
I hope you find the strength you need. I can only imagine what you are going through (I have two children with autism as well). I will keep you in my thoughts.

Take care.

Pearls and Tea
09-06-2006, 08:02 AM
I'm so very sorry for your loss.

Deborah L. Reeves
09-06-2006, 09:04 AM
Kevin,
I'm so sorry for your loss. My prayers are with you and your young sons. Keep close to Heavenly Father, he'll be with you.

Love, deb

mdin
09-06-2006, 09:11 AM
Holy crap. That's terrible. I'm so sorry, Kevin.

Mom'sWrite
09-06-2006, 09:14 AM
Kevin-

Your friends here stand with you in your sorrow. My sincerest condolences to you and your family. Don't hesitate to call on us for help, support or just to listen. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

Carol

Patricia
09-06-2006, 09:39 AM
I'm so sorry, Kevin.

poetinahat
09-06-2006, 09:48 AM
God bless you and your sons, Kevin. I'm glad you could tell us, and I hope it helps.

Peace,

Rob

louisgodwin
09-06-2006, 09:57 AM
I'm sorry to hear about his too, man. May God be with you and your kids in your time of need.

Southern_girl29
09-06-2006, 09:58 AM
I am so sorry. I can't imagine the pain. I'll be saying a prayer for you and your children.

SeanDSchaffer
09-06-2006, 10:23 AM
Like Tri said, words fail me, Kevin. I'll be praying for you and your boys. I'm so sorry this happened.


Sean

Horizon_eyes
09-06-2006, 10:37 AM
Kevin I pray for you and your family, to be held in the embrace of God's loving arms.

I also have a son with autism, and as one parent to another you are sincerely in my heart and prayers.

May God comfort you in mourning and give you strength.

JennaGlatzer
09-06-2006, 10:41 AM
Kevin, it's painful to even respond to this. I'm so sorry for you and your family. You'll all be in my thoughts, and I hope you will find the strength you need. Please know that there are an awful lot of people here who love you and will be here whenever you want to talk.

Stacia Kane
09-06-2006, 12:47 PM
Kevin, I am so, so sorry to read this. You and your children are in my thoughts and prayers.

Joanna_S
09-06-2006, 01:18 PM
Kevin, what a horrible tragedy for all of you. You're right to hang on for those boys of yours. They need you more than ever now. But it's so difficult not to want to just give up. Here's knowing you can overcome those feelings. What seems impossible and unbearable now will gradually become bearable over time. Live for the boys until the time comes that you can live for yourself again. Until then, accept my sorrow and prayers for you, your boys, and your wife.

-- Joanna

Bartholomew
09-06-2006, 01:34 PM
Dominus fobiscum.

In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti.

Amen.

brainstorm77
09-06-2006, 01:40 PM
thinking of you and sending prayers.

alleycat
09-06-2006, 02:07 PM
I'm sorry for your loss.

Take care of yourself and the kids and try to make it through it as best you can.

Charles

mrs75
09-06-2006, 02:16 PM
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your boys as well. My God comfort you and your boys, and give you all the strength to continue on. When times get tough and you think you can't handle it anymore, just turn to God and pray for his help.

I'm not sure where you're from in Illinois, but I too am from Illinois (Harrisburg). If you need to talk feel free to PM, I'll always listen. God bless you all.

rtilryarms
09-06-2006, 02:24 PM
I am so sorry. I am here too. You are among friends.

Flapdoodle
09-06-2006, 02:32 PM
So sorry to hear this.

c2ckim
09-06-2006, 02:33 PM
Kevin, let all the prayers of everyone here give you the strength you need over the next few days and beyond. I'm so sorry. God bless you and your family.
Kim:Hug2:

Liam Jackson
09-06-2006, 02:50 PM
Kev, you have my phone number. Please call when time allows.


Liam

Bamponang
09-06-2006, 02:55 PM
I am so sorry for your loss.

LeslieB
09-06-2006, 03:24 PM
I know there is nothing I can say that can possibly make you feel better, so I will just add my prayers for you and your family. I am so very sorry this happened.

midlander
09-06-2006, 03:39 PM
Sincere condolences Kevin...you and your children are in my prayers!

Peace,
Larry~

Susan Gable
09-06-2006, 03:45 PM
Kevin, I am so sorry. Sending prayers for you and your boys in this tragic time.

Susan G.

PattiTheWicked
09-06-2006, 04:04 PM
Oh, Kevin.

I am so very sorry. I'll keep you and your little boys in my thoughts.

spike
09-06-2006, 04:06 PM
Kevin,

This is so sad. I lost my husband in 97 and I know what you are going through.

If you have friends and family, now is the time to use them. Don't be afraid to ask for help, for you and your kids.

I'm not going to lie and say it gets better. Because it doesn't. But it gets easier.

If you need to talk to someone who has been down this road, PM me.

All my prayers to you and your family,

Julia

Robert Toy
09-06-2006, 04:11 PM
Kevin, there is nothing I can say that will make it any better. Just remember that our thoughts and prayers are with you and your boys.

Saundra Julian
09-06-2006, 04:25 PM
God bless and be with you and your boys, Kevin.

Lauri B
09-06-2006, 04:27 PM
Kevin, please know we're thinking of you and your boys.
Lauri

JerseyGirl1962
09-06-2006, 04:37 PM
Kevin,

My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your little ones. If you ever need to just rant or whatever, please know that I and many others here are willing to listen and comfort you the best we can.

Take care.

~Nancy

kristie911
09-06-2006, 04:43 PM
Though I know there are no words that will help during this time, just know that you and your boys are in my thoughts. Please accept my condolences on your loss.

Take care,
~Kristie

Christine N.
09-06-2006, 04:45 PM
Kevin, I'm SO incredibly sad at your news. I feel wretched and heartbroken for you. Please just take care of yourself and the boys.

shelagh
09-06-2006, 04:56 PM
Dear Kevin,

I am so sad to hear of your tragic loss. My brother died in 2002 at the age of forty-three and left two young children, then aged five and eight years old. Four years on, the children have adjusted well to the new family set-up, and so will your boys, who will be a tower of strength for you over the coming months.

Live each day as best you can and keep your boys close.

My sincerest condolences to you and your family.

Shelagh Watkins

Diana Hignutt
09-06-2006, 04:57 PM
Kevin,

I'm so, so sorry. My prayers are with you and your boys. I can't think of anything else to say, except that I am your friend, and if you need to talk to someone, I'm here.

With deepest condolences,

diana

K1P1
09-06-2006, 05:05 PM
Kevin, we haven't encountered each other here at AW, but I saw your post and wanted to add my support. I can't imagine what you are going through right now, but I'll keep you in my thoughts. Please ask for whatever help you need. Don't forget to take care of yourself (eat, sleep, walk). Because mourning is such a difficult time we tend to forget our physical side and it makes it that much more difficult.

God be with you and your children.

JulieB
09-06-2006, 05:16 PM
I am so sorry. You and your family are in my prayers.

MadScientistMatt
09-06-2006, 05:31 PM
I'm very sad to hear this; that must be a terrible thing for you and your children. I'll be praying for you. I wish I could say more words of comfort, but I'm never very good at that.

Haggis
09-06-2006, 05:31 PM
I can't imagine what you're going through, Kevin. I'm so sorry. It's hard to stay strong when it's the last thing you want to do, but your boys need that. I'll keep you in my thoughts.

Gravity
09-06-2006, 05:37 PM
Kev: prayers are with you, my man. Phil. 4:19

Sarita
09-06-2006, 05:40 PM
Oh Kevin, I'm so sorry. You'll be in my thoughts. Please take care of yourself and those precious boys. I'm here if you need to talk.

Much love,

Sara

Uncarved
09-06-2006, 05:47 PM
Kevin, I too am extremely sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts and I hope that somehow you find the strength to carry on through this incredibly dark time. We all love you.

KAP
09-06-2006, 05:51 PM
Kevin, so sorry to learn of your loss. Sending positive thoughts your way, man.

Keith

Sarashay
09-06-2006, 06:09 PM
My deepest condolences to you and your family. Peace be with you.

rhymegirl
09-06-2006, 06:11 PM
I cried when I read your post and I don't even know you personally.

There are so many things that happen in life that upset me and make me cry, but after I read your post I thought nothing I've been experiencing compares with what you're going through.

The loss of a spouse is a very serious loss and it's hard to know what to say that will make you feel better. Perhaps it will help somewhat to know that you have many friends here on AW who care and offer their sympathy, prayers and words of comfort. You should lean on family and friends for their help, friendship and companionship. Don't try to go it alone. And finding a grief support group would be very helpful, too.

We will all be here for you.

Maddog
09-06-2006, 06:36 PM
I'm very sorry, Kevin. Don't be afraid to ask for help, you will need it now more than ever.

Virtual hugs,
Madeline

eldragon
09-06-2006, 06:46 PM
This is shocking to read, and I don't even know your family.


Life can be so unfair. You have already been through so much, and now the unthinkable happens. It's no consolation now, but years down the road you will be a stronger person for going through these tragic events.

Your boys need you more than ever.

If there is anything I can do, just ask.

I'll pm you my personal information.

Paint
09-06-2006, 06:50 PM
God bless you and keep you and your family in the palm of His Hand.
So very sorry-
Paint

Kate Thornton
09-06-2006, 06:53 PM
Kevin - I am so sorry for you and your boys.

I know you don't know me, but if there is anything you need, anything I can do, please let me know.

You have a whole phalanx of friends here who are ready to help you through this awful time. Please hold your family close - and let us know how you are doing. My thoughts are with you.

eqb
09-06-2006, 06:56 PM
Kevin, I'm so sorry. My thoughts are with you and your boys.

awatkins
09-06-2006, 06:58 PM
Kevin, I'm so, so sorry to hear this. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your children.

AnneMarble
09-06-2006, 07:05 PM
Kevin, I'm so sorry to hear this. I'll be thinking about you.

Anne

stormie
09-06-2006, 07:07 PM
Kevin, I happened to be scrolling through the new posts and came upon yours. I just sent prayers your way, and for your little boys. We're here for you.

CaroGirl
09-06-2006, 07:14 PM
Kevin, I'm so very sorry for your loss. I'm sorry you have to endure such a tragedy.

Soccer Mom
09-06-2006, 07:22 PM
Kevin, so sorry to hear of your loss. I'll pray for your family. You've inspired me to call my husband right now and remind him I love him. Thank you.

CaoPaux
09-06-2006, 07:27 PM
Our condolences, Kevin.

Scribhneoir
09-06-2006, 09:32 PM
Kevin, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. Take things one day at a time, or even just an hour at a time, and remember to take care of yourself, too. You and your boys have a tough time ahead, but you have lots of friends here at AW and we're always willing to listen and lend a cyber-shoulder to cry on.

Jo

Caro
09-06-2006, 10:08 PM
I'm so sorry, Kevin. My thoughts and prayers for you and your children.

Memphis Ed
09-06-2006, 10:27 PM
Kevin

I just saw this...I am praying for you (and crying, btw) right now.

You carry on with strength. These will be the days of your legacy for your boys.

God bless you.

ChunkyC
09-06-2006, 10:27 PM
Kevin, I am so sorry ... my heart aches for you and your boys. We are all here for you, lean on us all you want.

- Charlie

batgirl
09-06-2006, 10:28 PM
So very sorry to hear this, Kevin. I wish I had comfort to offer, but I can only say that I'm thinking of you and your children.
-Barbara

Pat~
09-06-2006, 10:31 PM
Kevin, I don't even know you, but want you to know I'll be praying for you and your 2 boys. I am so sad for your loss, and I know you'll need a lot of emotional support as you go through this. I hope you can find the name and number of a local support group, and can find some strength from them, from your friends here at AW, and from God.

judithmoose
09-06-2006, 10:37 PM
I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. You have my deepest sympathy.

Judith Moose

blackbird
09-06-2006, 10:46 PM
I am sorry to hear of your tragedy. Hopefully, with time, you will be able to find the strength to write your way through it. While it won't make it any easier, it will help you be able to put things in perspective. There have been times when writing was the only thing that enabled me to get through a major loss. I know that right now your family must come first, but I hope and pray you will be able to eventually return to the writing fold because, if you are like most of us, that is the place where your true healing will begin.

oarsman
09-06-2006, 10:46 PM
Kevin, My thoughts and prayers are with you and your boys.

Larry
09-06-2006, 10:49 PM
Kevin,
I emphasize with you. I lost my wife of thirty two years on April 1, and there isn't a minute that goes by that I don't think of her. To tell you it will get easier would be wrong, at least it hasn't for me.
You and your son's are in my prayers.

Larry

Old Hack
09-06-2006, 11:25 PM
Oh, Kevin. My sweet darling. Our paths haven't crossed too much over here but over the months I've read your posts and gained so much from them. Thank you for that.

I wish I could do something, anything, to help you now, but I know I can't. If you think of anything that you need, that I could supply, just shout and I'll do what I can. Meanwhile, I am thinking of you, and your two lovely boys, and hoping you all get through this terrible time eventually. Thank goodness they have you.

ggglimpopo
09-06-2006, 11:33 PM
I am so very sorry to read your post, Kevin. You are in my thoughts.

Good Word
09-06-2006, 11:38 PM
Kevin, tell us how to help and we will. Thinking of you and your children.

Kristen King
09-06-2006, 11:47 PM
Kevin, I know this is inadequate at best, but I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. It's hard to know what will help at a time like this, but if you think of anything you need or anything we can do, please let us know. You and your boys will be in my prayers.

Kristen

Stew21
09-07-2006, 12:00 AM
Kevin, i am so sorry! I am in St. Louis, if you need ANYTHING please let me know! Please! How can I help?

Pencilone
09-07-2006, 12:27 AM
Kevin,

I'm very sorry for your loss. I wish you all the strength to pull through and take care of your children.
Take care,

Pencilone

rekirts
09-07-2006, 01:51 AM
Kevin, I'm so very sorry. I wish there were words that could help. My thoughts are with you and your boys.

Sheryl Nantus
09-07-2006, 01:56 AM
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

:(

DeniseK
09-07-2006, 02:01 AM
I don't know you either, Kevin, but your post made me cry. I am SO sorry. I pray that you find strength to help you through this horrible tragedy.

arrowqueen
09-07-2006, 02:20 AM
I'm so sorry, Kevin. My thoughts are with you and your family.

Wallaceka
09-07-2006, 02:34 AM
I'm sorry.

VeggieChick
09-07-2006, 03:17 AM
I'm so sorry for your loss.

janetbellinger
09-07-2006, 03:24 AM
Kevin, I am so sorry that you have lost your wife. My thou ghts are with you . Do you have any friends or family to help you care for your sons during this terrible time?

Ol' Fashioned Girl
09-07-2006, 04:00 AM
Oh, Kevin! I am SO very sorry. I hope you're feeling all the hugs and love from all of us here at AW.

Jen

allion
09-07-2006, 04:13 AM
I'm so sorry for your loss, Kevin. Words seem so inadequate.

{{{hugs}}}

Karen

Cabinscribe
09-07-2006, 05:11 AM
Kevin,

I can't imagine what you're going through right now. I can only hope that it helps a little to know that so many people care.

Please let us know if we can help in any way; we're all here for you.

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

jdkiggins
09-07-2006, 05:45 AM
Kevin,
I'm so sorry about your loss. I'll keep you and your boys in my heart and thoughts. Please take care of yourself.

Simran
09-07-2006, 05:55 AM
Kevin, my deepest condolences go out to you and your family. If there is ANYTHING we can do, please let us know. You will all be in our thoughts and prayers to get through this most difficult time. Please don't give up.

Alan Yee
09-07-2006, 06:03 AM
Kevin, I am so sorry. Please keep holding on and let me know if you need someone to talk to. Your boys need you at a time like this. I know how hard it must be to have two autistic boys that young. I am mildly autistic myself, but I wasn't officially diagnosed until a few years ago.

You and the boys are in my thoughts and prayers.

Alan

dragonjax
09-07-2006, 06:05 AM
Oh Kevin, I'm so very, very sorry. I'll say a prayer for her spirit, and for you and your boys. My deepest sympathies.

postshy
09-07-2006, 06:19 PM
I have been away from the Board for a few days and only just read the news. Please accept my deepest sympathy for you and your boys and I hope you will find the strength to carry on and regain your faith in life for the sake of those who depend on you.

postshy (Roberta)

Kevin Yarbrough
09-07-2006, 07:02 PM
Thank you everybody for the prayers and thoughts. I need them at a time like this. I have a big family and my wifes family even bigger that our helping me get through this dark time. My boys will not be raised by 2 parents but by a whole family that love them more than they could know and even though that is a good thing it will never match the love their mom had for them. I'm just sad that they will grow up not knowing her as a person, words and pictures will never due her justice as to show the kind of loving person she was. Family, me and the boys, were her whole life, she loved nothing more.

Over the past 4 years we have been through every kind of hell imaginable, one thing after another, after another. It never stopped, never eased up. We never had a moment of peace or caught a glimpse of the sun behind the clouds. She was sick for the past year, seizures that she never had before, memory problems, we would find her confused and wandering around. Test after test could not find out a reason. She was browbeat at work by her boss constantly until she had to quit. She never knew a moments peace and then out of the blue her liver shuts down, something totally new. She was to weak. They found her a liver but she couldn't hold on till they got it to her, she was to wore out to fight anymore.

What makes things worse is we fought all weekend long and I never told her I loved her, not until it was to late. She had told my mom she didn't think I loved her anymore because we fought all the time, 4 years of hell will do that to you. She died thinking I didn't love her and I will NEVER forgive myself for that. If any of you are married take this to heart. Tell your spouse you love them everyday, don't fight over small stuff, use your love to get through life the best you can because if you don't you might just wake up one morning and they are gone and you will never forgive yourself.

I don't feel like going on anymore, life is to damn hard. She was the part of me that kept me striving for my dreams and if it wasn't for her none of you would know me. She kept me writing, kept me searching for the way to acheive my goals.

To the people that tell me to rely on God, I'm sorry but I can't. Amber believed in God and was a religious person but even towards the end she couldn't help but wonder why He allowed us to have this life. I know people say that it must get worse before it gets better but does one family really have to have 4 straight years of hell before it gets better? And it sure didn't get better for her. He took her from the only thing she loved, her boys. He couldn't help her hold on for just a few more hours until they could get the liver. 2 freaking hours was all she needed to survive, to see her boys and tell them she loved them. So, rely on God? We have done that for 4 years and all it has brought was pain and sorrow, heartbreak and grief, and the death of a loving mother, wife, sister, and daughter. No, I won't rely on God ever again if this is what He does to his followers.

I'm sorry if this makes anybody mad but it is how I feel right now. He didn't need her more than her two boys did, or me. Nobody needed her more than us and now we have been stripped of that, cast off to wander through this bleak and miserable life without the love that kept us anchored. You guys and our families may care about me but nothing and I mean nothing will equal how she felt about me. We were all we had, us alone were forced to live this hellish life we had and crawl through it day by day. Her family knew we were having problems but never really listened to see how bad it was until after she died and we began to go through everything. It was then that they realized how bad things were and I don't think they will forgive themselves for it.

Our family motto was "It is always something." There was never a day that went by where we didn't say it to each other when something bad happened. And I'm not exagerating at all, it was a daily thing for us to experience something bad. I can only hope that she will no longer have to say those four words, that she finds the peace she never knew in life. I will be placing pictures of our boys in her casket so she will have them with her for all eternity, they were her life and that is the least I can do.

I'm not trying to make anyone mad so please don't take it that way. I'm just getting things off my chest.

Please people, let your loved ones know you love them. Be there for each other, love one another or you might just wake up in my position one day and I would never want anyone to feel this way. There is no worse pain.

Maddog
09-07-2006, 07:13 PM
Oh, Kevin. I'm glad you checked in. No one will look down on you for sharing your feelings. Please continue to do so, in some small way it might help.

Hold on for your boys. You're kind of scaring me with the talk about not wanting to be here anymore. They need you more than you can ever imagine. Keep checking in so we know you're okay.

Hugs,
Madeline

Kevin Yarbrough
09-07-2006, 07:16 PM
Hold on for your boys. You're kind of scaring me with the talk about not wanting to be here anymore.

Not wanting to be here anymore and having to be here are two different things. One is a feeling, the other is a responsibility.

I don't want to be here anymore but I have to for my boys.

Popeyesays
09-07-2006, 07:18 PM
The Qur'an (one religious book among many) says that God calls us all into being and then slays us each and everyone.

The rain falls on the just on the unjust. Fruits and vegetable feed the believer and the unbeliever. Trials come to the worthy and the unworthy alike.

In your own life, which consists of everything you have experienced or will experience, your wife isn't gone at all.

Grief passes, experience it and then go on, celebrate the life not the death.

Perhaps it's all empty words that I've said. Perhaps they are not. Experience them and go on, celebrate the life, not the death.

You need to find peace in this, trust that you will.

Regards,
Scott

SherryTex
09-07-2006, 07:31 PM
Kevin, I read your thread and my heart broke for your whole family.

It is difficult for a community of writers to discover they have no words, words are normally our magic that we use to sculpt the world to our liking.

I am very sorry for your loss. You and your boys will be in my family's prayers, and I will remember your wise counsel in your moment of darkness, to remember to tell my spouse he is beloved every day. You may in your great moment of pain have saved some relationships and families with those simple words.

Take care, hug your sons and try to hold on to hope that the world will not always taste like ashes.

Old Hack
09-07-2006, 07:41 PM
Oh, Kevin. I am so sorry that you feel that way.

I argued with my husband lately, too. And yes, there have been times when we've doubted each other. But beneath everything we know that we love each other very deeply.

I don't know you very well, and I was never lucky enough to know your wife, but I suspect that she must have known that you really loved her. Otherwise she wouldn't have kept on going like she did, by your side, no matter what. She wouldn't have stayed with you over those four long years of trouble if she hadn't known that it was worth it, and that love was at the root of it all.

She would be so proud of you now. Getting through the day for the sake of your boys, no matter how wretched you're feeling. You deserve a medal for that. It's what counts: just getting on with things, despite everything. That takes real courage.

Take care. Treat yourself, and your boys, with love. Don't expect too much from yourself, and if there's anything I can do, just shout.

icerose
09-07-2006, 07:55 PM
I am so sorry to hear that Kevin. I went through a similar experience with my own family, but I was the child not the parent. It grew me up really fast. So dark were the days that we learned to say one good thing that happened that day so we would not be swallowed by the darkness. It was hard at first, but the more we did it, the more love and peace and happiness we felt.

I can't expect you to start now, but I hope someday you will be able to find one good thing that happened to you each and every day, no matter how small, they really make all the difference.

My thoughts and prayers are with your family and I am happy to see that the entire family is pulling together through this tragedy.

SeanDSchaffer
09-07-2006, 07:57 PM
Kevin, I don't see how anyone could be offended by your explaining how you feel. I love the Lord, and I've cursed His very existence several times since I became one of His followers. If God is not offended by that, who am I to be offended by it?

I consider you a good friend, even though I've never met you in person. I will still pray for you and your family, if only because it's the only thing I know to do. Other than that, I do not know what there is I can do.

I will, however, give you a piece of advice: feel free to grieve openly. As men we're taught never to cry and sometimes never to show emotion. This is detrimental to our well-being if ever anything was. Don't be afraid to grieve openly for your wife. It may help ease the pain in ways that keeping silent never could.

Robin Bayne
09-07-2006, 08:00 PM
So sorry to hear that!! Will send warm thoughts and prayers for your family.
(((HUGS)))

allenparker
09-07-2006, 08:10 PM
I am not offended. I have these feelings on occassion, but not from the same struggles.

Just know that there are people on here that love and care about you. I count you as a good friend.

Sometimes all we can do is love a person.

Allen

CACTUSWENDY
09-07-2006, 08:12 PM
Dear Kevin,

Sigh, no words can express the depth of sorrow that is flooding your way durning this time in your life or the amount of love we all extend to you and your family. Overwhelming as it may seem now, please understand you will always have many folks here that do care for and about you and yours.

The Lady
09-07-2006, 08:19 PM
Don't know you Kevin but I want to offer my sympathy.

In relation to the fact that you fought all weekend, wanna offer these lines from a poem called Reflections on Death by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

"If you have loved well
Then it will have been worth it.
The joy of it will last through to the end."

There's more. The whole poem is lovely. Hope you make it through this time. The loving her will never go but in time you may be able to turn your grief into gratitude for having had her in your life.

Brenda Hill
09-08-2006, 05:41 AM
I'm so sorry, Kevin.

persiphone_hellecat
09-08-2006, 06:39 AM
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Just please remember to love your children and be the best you can be for them. Don't be afraid to ask for help. And above all, remember the love and the happy times. Nothing can ever take those from you. Persi

wyntermoon
09-08-2006, 07:21 AM
I believe that there is always a moment of clarity before taking a jump, in this case death. Don't doubt that she knew you loved her, she took that with her to hold onto forever.

Be good to yourself-

BeeBomb
09-08-2006, 07:27 PM
Kevin, Darlin', my heart truly bleeds for you and I can empathize with you in the awful ordeal you are experiencing. It is a pain no one understands until it happens to them and I have been in your shoes when my beloved grandson died. It was like cutting my very being to the quick with no let up in sight. You need to vent...scream, pound your fists, cry, cuss and talk it out because it is the only way you will resolve and have a "somewhat" peace of mind. There are NO answers but tons of questions and none of them...(questions & answers) will take away the pain. All we (your friends) can do is listen to you and be there when you feel the need for a shoulder. I do hope you got my private email. Email me if you ever need to talk, I may not have the answer you want to hear but I will be there for you. Love you, Sweetie.

Joyce Rapier

CaroGirl
09-08-2006, 07:38 PM
Grief is unpredictable. People can't know how they will respond in such a traumatic situation. Your reaction is yours. Own it and don't apologize for it. Time might change how you feel, but it might not.

Your wife knew you loved her. If I can feel your love for her through your electronic words, she surely must know it, wherever she may be.

Life is a constant struggle. I just hope yours gets easier. It sounds like your family is really stepping up. Take their help wherever they offer.
I will hug my children (almost the same ages as your boys) and my husband. Thank you for the reminder. And for the update.

Take care.

Birol
09-08-2006, 10:42 PM
:Hug2:

Brandon Kerlee
09-08-2006, 11:18 PM
I'm sorry. Stay strong for your boys...they need you now more than ever.

I can't even imagine the pain you're feeling. I'm so sorry.

eldragon
09-08-2006, 11:50 PM
Kevin, there is nothing I can say except thank you for your update.

I'm sure your wife knows how much you love her.


:Hug2:

Jean Marie
09-10-2006, 04:36 AM
Kevin, say whatever you need to. You didn't offend me in the least. My heart is breaking for you and your boys :Hug2:

Kevin Yarbrough
09-10-2006, 07:36 AM
The funeral is over and I'm still here, physically if not mentally. It was a hard thing to do, saying good-bye to her, and it tore my heart out, what little there was left. What did make things easier was that almost 300 people came for the visitation alone, the thought that so many people cared for her and me made me realize we weren't really alone. She was loved by a lot of people and that makes me happy, makes me see that our families are not the only ones grieving right now.

What made things worse was tonight. My oldest son is autistic, well both of my boys are, and he doesn't make connections to the real world like we do. When we told him his mom had died he didn't understand but later that night it hit him and he cried himself to sleep. The next day he was fine and his mom being dead was no big thing. Tonight it hit him again, he would never see his mommy again and he cried his little heart out. I held him, talked, cried along side him in the grief and did my best to explain everything to him. Trying to explain death to a six year old is hard enough, to a six year old autistic child is even harder. I told him to not forget his mommy and he said he would never forget her because if he did it would make her cry in Heaven. I cried more after hearing this and it still makes me cry hours later.

My youngest boy is only two and it destroys me to look him in the eyes, see so much of his mother in him and listen to him say "mama". Just holding him and looking at him, seeing so much of my wife in him makes me a bit happier because in him, as well as my other son, I know she will never be totally gone. Part of her is alive in them. Her exuberance, her love of life, of people, and her humor is still very much alive in those two boys. Even though she is not with me in person in this bleak existince her spirit is. It is alive in my boys and that carries me on, pushes me forward hour by hour during this dark time in my life.

Tomorrow I start the process of trying to put my life back together, to scoop up the peices of my world that was shattered when she left. Without her the peices will not all be there, the puzzle will be full of holes, the picture incomplete. I will put together what I can and carry on, she would have wanted me to, in fact she had told me to before. Carrying on without the love you are use to is not an easy thing to do, nothing feels right anymore, humor less funny, laughter less enlightening. All I can do is remember her, make sure my boys remember her and try to get on with life. I just pray and hope that I will see her again and that all of my indiscretions have not made that impossible.

WindWeaver
09-10-2006, 08:10 AM
Hi Kevin. I'm new to the forum, but your post kind of found me tonight. It is most challenging losing a mate .. perhaps the hardest thing you will ever do. My husband passed almost 10 years ago. All you can do is one day, sometimes just one minute at a time. The numbness will pass in time. Children are reminders that we never die, life IS eternal, and joy is the fuel that carries us through another day. There are treasures to be found in your garden sorrows. Bless you in your journey. Feel free to email me if you need someone to share with.

Lilybiz
09-10-2006, 08:14 AM
Kevin, I just found this thread and have read through it all. My heart goes out to you.

I don't know you, but I don't have to know you to feel for you and your boys.

I think you may want to print out this thread so you have a document you can keep. Someday you may want to revisit the things you've written here, and things others have written to you.

Just a thought. Obviously, there are many people sending their thoughts to you tonight as I am.

Kevin Yarbrough
09-10-2006, 08:21 AM
Thanks, Myriah. An hour at a time is how I am going right now, it is all I can do.

You know what is a real kick in the head people? My wife's boss was such a jerk to her, he knew she was sick and he wrote her up all the time and in her write ups he even made it clear she was sick but instead of helping her he made it worse. He violated her HIPPA rights as well as my sons, suspended her unduly and made her sicker than what she was. She began to have migraines from it. She finally had to quit her job and when she tried for unemployment he fought her. She was taking tylenol for the migraines and we thin that might be what did her liver in, we aren't for sure until we get the autopsy report back. But this past two weeks they had gotten worse, we were down to just my job to pay for everything because the unemployment person said her case didn't look good. She stressed out more, got more migraines. Today I got a letter and check from the unemployment office. She was apporoved, she had won. She could have had six months to recoup, to find out what was wrong with her. But since her freaking boss fought it she took more tylenol and you know what happened next. If he wouldn't have fought it she might still be here today. There was light at the end of the tunnel, she just couldn't see it.

Branwyn
09-10-2006, 08:47 AM
Oh, dear Kevin, when the emotions are at work there are no words. There is only feeling and you will be going through alot of that in the days to come. I feel for you-- I came within minutes of losing my husband almost two years ago to a massive heart attack, he's only 40. It is incomprehensable, the grief and pain.
Know that you will get through it. You have 2 very important reasons, your boys. I understand the need to vent and let your anger out, so by all means do it, in as healthy a way as your can. When my sister died last August I went postal, I took a club and beat my bird feeder and tree up. It does help to get the emotions out. Though the birds looked at me a little funny for a few days after...If you're angry at --whoever, God or whatever you call him let it out.

Take it hour by hour or minute by minute. I hope you know or will soon, that your wife knows you love her, love never dies.
If I've learned anything from my 'other' field of work, it is that. The spirit goes on and I'm sure you will get confirmations in the future of that.

It feels like an abyss that you may never resurface from ever, but you will. Not the same, mind you, but a stronger you.
My prayers are with you and your family.
If you ever need an ear or a shoulder just give a shout out.

I am truly sorry,

Prayers~ Ellen

eldragon
09-11-2006, 12:38 AM
Kevin, I feel your pain and your anger.



Are your boys able to participate in activities? I only ask this because I know an autistic child who cannot. He is inconsolable most of the time and I'm not sure what could be done to help him in the event that he lost his mother.

Even though you are suffering tremendously, you have to try to keep your boys busy, too. Walk. Run. Throw a baseball around. Swim. Do physical things to wear yourself and your boys out so that when night comes, your bodies will sleep easier.

Anything to help you get through this terrible shocking stage.

chicagogal
09-11-2006, 01:25 AM
Kevin, words even for writers, are so inadequate at such a time as this for you. Find someone to talk to and talk, talk, talk. Hold your sons close and visualize them growing up smiling because of what you have given them of your love and support. I have gone through loss of a spouse, through the years of grieving during and afterwards. I understand some of your pain and am sending waves of strength and love your way. Take it, hold it to you and know that this is just a moment. As time passes you will be sustained in many ways you now know nothing of. Grab hold of the many extended hands and hearts and hang onto us for as long as you need to do so. The ethers are filled with caring compassion. GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR BOYS.

Glenda
09-11-2006, 08:42 AM
Kevin, there is nothing else I can think of to say except that my heart goes out to you and I'm very sorry for your loss.

Shweta
09-13-2006, 05:51 AM
Kevin,
I wish there was something I could say. My heart goes out to you, and to your boys.

Mod35tBabe
09-13-2006, 06:00 AM
Kevin, there's not much I can say that hasn't been said. Just know that somehow you will find the strength to get through this for your boys, it's there you just have to find it. I'm not really religious so I won't lie and say I'll pray, instead I hope that you and your boys come out of this as stronger people, and that this is the end of the bad things. Judging by the 6 pages of posts, you have support here and there's always the chatroom - we're here for you. I mightn't understand the full scope of what you're going through, but I can listen.

Kevin Yarbrough
09-13-2006, 09:27 PM
Day by day things get a bit easier but they also get lonlier. 12 years of having someone by your side and then they are gone will leave you empty. I have the love and support of my family and her family and all my friends in the real world and on here but a love a spouse has is...unique. Nothing can ever fill that hole that void that is left with their departure from this cruel, materialistic world. And it is worse if that love is the very first love you have ever had as it was with me.

I'm making it though, I have to. The funeral was great and our pastor even put peices of my book into the sermon, the ones that would fit. He did a heck of a job, she would have been pleased.

My job, even though I had only been there less than two months let me take as much time as I needed off. I called my boss today and told her I would be coming in tonight and she asked me if I was sure, I could take more time off I needed it. My job has been great to me.

The people that she worked with, the ones that stabed her in the back and made her work life hell, are guilt ridden. And even though it may make me a bad person I'm happy they are. They did everything they could to bring her down, act like she was faking everything. Well, now she is dead, guess she wasn't joking.

I'm still trying to go through everything, our bills were in such a mess that things weren't paid because she forgot, was to sick, or thought she did. I'm trying to get all that in order. I found a paper from her work to continue her life insurance after she quit but she forgot to turn it in to them so I won't be getting that.

I still find it hard to sleep in our bed, we have had it since we got married and it doesn't feel right to sleep there without her. For the past week I have been sleeping on the couch, what little sleep I can get that is. I haven't been eating and I have lost weight. My mind is a jumble right now and I need to get back to a routine to try and get things going again.

I bought her a book, one from her favorite author that she hadn't read and I will be going to her grave and reading it to her. I don't know what else to do.

Shweta
09-13-2006, 09:48 PM
The people who stabbed her in the back deserve to feel guilty. They deserve to understand that by being petty and self-serving and dishonest they did something really, truly, terrible.

You're not a bad person for being glad of that. I think you are an amazingly good person for not wanting much worse.

priceless1
09-13-2006, 10:47 PM
Oh, Kevin, I'm in tears reading your words of pain and loss. All I can think of is that crazy weekend so long ago where we all got together and laughed ourselves silly and became friends in crime. I see your smiling face and can't help but think that as time passes, that smile will find its place again. In the meantime, rage all you want, big guy. Nothing makes sense and it doesn't have to.
Warm hugs to you and your boys,
Lynn

eldragon
09-14-2006, 02:32 AM
My job, even though I had only been there less than two months let me take as much time as I needed off. I called my boss today and told her I would be coming in tonight and she asked me if I was sure, I could take more time off I needed it. My job has been great to me.



Good luck but unless you have a job that keeps you very busy but won't cause you to break down emotionally, it might be too soon.

My brother was killed at age 29 almost 11 years ago. I tried to go back to work after one week and found that I was just too morose to be around. Nobody knew what to say to me and I think I was probably scaring people. For one thing, he was a guitar player in a blues band and I remember sitting in my car in the parking garage outside of work, getting ready to go in. I was listening to a tape of his band playing when a co-worker walked up to the car to walk with me. I asked her to listen to a certain part of the song, and I'm sure she thought I had lost my marbles. I think I had.

Hopefully your co-workers will recognize that you're not yourself yet and give you a break, as my co-workers did me.

Old Hack
09-14-2006, 01:53 PM
Just checking in here, Kevin, to say hello, and to let you know that I'm thinking of you still. I do admire the way you're dealing with this all: taking care of your boys, expressing your thoughts so clearly and passionately, sorting out your paperwork, even trying to get back to work (although it does seem a little too soon for that to me!). You're an inspiration to me.

Take care of yourself, and don't expect too much from yourself still. You're fragile right now, and need all the TLC you can get.

NicoleJLeBoeuf
09-15-2006, 12:53 AM
Hi Kevin. I'm so very sorry. Death comes to us all, but cruelty shouldn't have to, and what your wife suffered at the hands of others there's no excuse for. I'm glad with you that those bastards feel guilty. They should. At least the fact that they do is possible evidence that they have actual hearts under those lizard skins.

As time passes it will become more bearable. Anyone who's lost a loved one can testify to that. But it's so hard. Cling to whatever you feel you can rely on. It doesn't have to be God. It doesn't have to be Hallmark sentiments. Just, whatever you feel you can trust, trust in that. It sounds like you're blessed by a huge loving family--let them be there for you.

I take to heart what you said about always appreciating your loved ones while you have them. You never know when they'll be gone. One of my brother's schoolmates died in his sleep of a heart attack at the age of 21, 22, something like that. You just never know.

Hugs to you and the boys. Hang in there.

...and ignore any of the above if it fails to sound helpful. I'm just flailing. There are no good words except "we love you," and that's all any of us are really saying here.

Ilovepensandpaper
09-18-2006, 11:58 PM
Kevin, I am so sorry for your loss. I am like a lot of people here, at a loss for words. If there is anything me or anyone here can do, let me know.

Old Hack
09-19-2006, 10:18 PM
Just checking in here to say hello to you, Kevin. I'm thinking of you, and wishing you well. Hang in there. Your children need you, and you have friends who care.

Jaycinth
09-19-2006, 10:26 PM
Kevin. I'm sorry. I cannot say anything that doesn't seem sappy and contrived.

So therefore::Hug2: .
I think you should read her that book.
:Hug2:

Becky Writes
09-21-2006, 12:09 AM
Kevin: I just found this thread, and I am so heartbroken for you. I am so sorry for you loss.

I know it seems like things will never get better. I lost my daughter 5 years ago and for the longest time, I didn't think I would ever functional normally again. But I had a husband and another child and I had to go on.

I will be praying for you and your family.

Old Hack
09-27-2006, 10:55 PM
Kevin, just thought I'd check in and see how you are. I'm hoping you're not too bad. Love to you and your boys. Take care of yourself. I wish I could help.

Maddog
09-28-2006, 01:23 AM
I've been thinking about you too, Kevin. Hope you're okay...