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MacAl Stone
06-01-2004, 12:27 PM
I've just recently discovered the joy of this--and somehow it's much more fun done as a group effort--not to mention I'm just not smart enough to make up very many of them alone.

So if you love a limerick, jump write in with a line of your own!

I'll start:

One night at a tawdry casino...


Now if someone else will kindly supply another line, we'll be off and running!

toto1958
06-01-2004, 01:04 PM
.....it was packed from wall to wall with people and the air was filled with talking, laughing, drinking, and lots of cigar smoke, when all of a sudden....

reph
06-01-2004, 01:28 PM
Toto, it isn't a story. It's a limerick. Stories go somewhere else.

One night at a tawdry casino
A waitress spilled gallons of vino

toto1958
06-01-2004, 02:45 PM
opps sorry

Melina
06-01-2004, 03:20 PM
My husband ran smack out of Beano...:ssh

Melina
06-01-2004, 03:27 PM
I guess I was too late with that line. It's probably better that way, I was headed in a crude direction.

ReadingWriter
06-01-2004, 05:55 PM
One night at a tawdry casino
A waitress spilled gallons of vino
Said the dealer in black :ha





Elizabeth

Melina
06-01-2004, 06:59 PM
One night at a tawdry casino
A waitress spilled gallons of vino

Said the dealer in black,
"Now put it all back"

MacAl Stone
06-01-2004, 07:20 PM
One night at a tawdry casino
A waitress spilled gallons of vino

Said the dealer in black,
"Now put it all back"

"We'll serve it to patrons of Keno"



ooooooh...you folks are gonna be good at this, I can already tell!

Melina
06-01-2004, 07:35 PM
Good one, Mac!!

Can we do another, huh? Huh?:clap

MacAl Stone
06-01-2004, 07:38 PM
Heck--if ya think of a good first line, Melina, slap it up there! (Or anyone else, for that matter) Don't wait for me, for heaven's sake.
Meanwhile...

A charming young lassie from Barstow

toto1958
06-01-2004, 09:24 PM
Does it have to be tawdry?:ha

ReadingWriter
06-01-2004, 09:59 PM
A charming young lassie from Barstow
broke the heart of a laddie from Glasgow

reph
06-01-2004, 10:49 PM
A charming young lassie from Barstow
broke the heart of a laddie from Glasgow
When she scoffed at his kilt

mammamaia
06-01-2004, 11:03 PM
he was ticked, to the hilt...

RichMar
06-02-2004, 12:44 AM
A charming young lassie from Barstow

Broke the heart of a laddie from Glasgow

When she scoffed at his kilt

He was ticked, to the hilt...

But his kilt still showed hilt from his love-glow.

ReadingWriter
06-02-2004, 01:44 AM
This is a hoot! :jump

Okay, let's see what you do with this one:

I rode a jackass named DeWayne

reph
06-02-2004, 01:56 AM
I can't do anything with that one, because it doesn't have the rhythm of a limerick line. Sigh.

ReadingWriter
06-02-2004, 02:12 AM
How about...

I rode a jackass named DeWayne
through the house of my ex-wife Elaine

MacAl Stone
06-02-2004, 02:42 AM
I rode a jackass named DeWayne
through the house of my ex-wife Elaine

she had it coming, 'cause

reph
06-02-2004, 06:13 AM
This is some kind of verse, but not a limerick. I'll try.

I rode a jackass named DeWayne
through the house of my ex-wife Elaine
she had it coming, 'cause
A lousy cook, she was.

toto1958
06-02-2004, 06:44 AM
:ha

MacAl Stone
06-02-2004, 08:03 AM
It's always good to bust out of the mold, even just by a "foot" or two, Reph :snoopy

I rode a jackass named DeWayne
through the house of my ex-wife Elaine
she had it coming, 'cause
A lousy cook, she was.
And never at home to complain!

wwwatcher
06-02-2004, 10:34 AM
I wanna play too...



There once was a monkey from Boston





:jump

reph
06-02-2004, 10:50 AM
There once was a monkey from Boston
Who asked how much peanuts were costin'

MacAl Stone
06-02-2004, 11:54 AM
There once was a monkey from Boston
Who asked how much peanuts were costin'
And whenever he ate

reph
06-02-2004, 01:02 PM
There once was a monkey from Boston
Who asked how much peanuts were costin'
And whenever he ate
He would gripe to his mate

ReadingWriter
06-02-2004, 05:55 PM
There once was a monkey from Boston
Who asked how much peanuts were costin'
And whenever he ate
He would gripe to his mate,
"Chewing nuts without teeth is exhausting."

MacAl Stone
06-03-2004, 12:40 AM
Whatever became of Buck Rogers?

Lori Basiewicz
06-03-2004, 02:00 AM
Whatever became of Buck Rogers?
And where now is our own Duck Dodgers?

CaoPaux
06-03-2004, 03:05 AM
Whatever became of Buck Rogers?
And where now is our own Duck Dodgers?
These heroes from space

ReadingWriter
06-03-2004, 04:07 AM
Whatever became of Buck Rogers?
And where now is our own Duck Dodgers?
These heroes from space
We somehow replace

Lori Basiewicz
06-03-2004, 04:14 AM
Whatever became of Buck Rogers?
And where now is our own Duck Dodgers?
These heroes from space
We somehow replace
With senile and cooty ol' codgers.

ReadingWriter
06-03-2004, 06:39 AM
Shall we go again?


There once was a man with no hair

reph
06-03-2004, 06:47 AM
There once was a man with no hair
Not even his eyebrows were there

wwwatcher
06-03-2004, 11:23 AM
There once was a man with no hair
Not even his eyebrows were there
He picked up some wool

reph
06-03-2004, 12:44 PM
There once was a man with no hair
Not even his eyebrows were there
He picked up some wool
Gave a twist and a pull

CaoPaux
06-03-2004, 11:28 PM
There once was a man with no hair
Not even his eyebrows were there
He picked up some wool
Gave a twist and a pull
And crafted a wig a la Cher

rtilryarms
06-04-2004, 06:06 AM
you guys are killin me

ReadingWriter
06-04-2004, 06:13 AM
Deep in the mountains of Tennessee :jump

macalicious731
06-04-2004, 06:34 AM
(Oh Mac, wherever did you come up with this idea?? ;) )

Deep in the mountains of Tennessee
A man was attacked by killer bees

reph
06-04-2004, 07:37 AM
Deep in the mountains of Tennessee
A man was attacked by killer bees
He seized a jar of honey

Melina
06-04-2004, 03:20 PM
Deep in the mountains of Tennessee
A man was attacked by killer bees
He seized a jar of honey
Said, "Man, this ain't funny"

rtilryarms
06-04-2004, 08:48 PM
There once was a bad dirty joke.....

reph
06-05-2004, 12:02 AM
Deep in the mountains of Tennessee
A man was attacked by killer bees
He seized a jar of honey
Said, "Man, this ain't funny"
And glued all the bees to the trees.

(Mike, we finish one - five lines - before starting the next one.)

There once was a bad dirty joke
That not even Larry Flynt spoke.

mammamaia
06-05-2004, 12:45 AM
Deep in the mountains (Tennessee's)
A man was attacked by killer bees
He seized a jar of honey
Said, "Man, this ain't funny"
And glued all the bees to Jenna's trees.

[we must hew to the rules of limerick-writing, after all... and meter/rhyme are not to be disregarded!]

Those who just must write a limerick
often are thought to be 'dim' or sick...
although i have found,
their minds not quite sound,
it's good therapy for any poor Tim, or Rick!

and, with that, dear fellow board members, i take my leave [from this thread, anyway!]... :p m

CaoPaux
06-05-2004, 01:19 AM
There once was a bad dirty joke
That not even Larry Flynt spoke.
It cited a miner

ReadingWriter
06-05-2004, 03:42 AM
There once was a bad dirty joke
That not even Larry Flynt spoke.
It cited a miner,
a booth in a diner

rtilryarms
06-05-2004, 06:23 AM
There once was a bad dirty joke
That not even Larry Flynt spoke.
It cited a miner,
a booth in a diner
the miner was a dirtier bloke

ReadingWriter
06-06-2004, 08:07 AM
Let's see how absurd we can get with this one.


Two lads fought for the hand of a lass

reph
06-06-2004, 09:33 AM
Absurd? No problem...

Two lads fought for the hand of a lass
They threw T-shirts and socks made of glass

maestrowork
06-06-2004, 10:46 AM
Two lads fought for the hand of a lass
They threw T-shirts and socks made of glass
Some filled with liquor

reph
06-06-2004, 01:22 PM
Two lads fought for the hand of a lass
They threw T-shirts and socks made of glass
Some filled with liquor
But here was the kicker:

macalicious731
06-07-2004, 02:46 AM
Two lads fought for the hand of a lass
They threw T-shirts and socks made of glass
Some filled with liquor
But here was the kicker:
Neither knew of her great sass.

reph
06-07-2004, 04:15 AM
I once was awarded a kumquat

serious comedy
06-07-2004, 04:22 AM
May I?

I once was awarded a kumquat
For nothing more than getting my thumb caught

wwwatcher
06-07-2004, 10:49 AM
I once was awarded a kumquat
For nothing more than getting my thumb caught
In the fork of a tree

reph
06-07-2004, 10:53 AM
I once was awarded a kumquat
For nothing more than getting my thumb caught
In the fork of a tree
While extending one knee

macalicious731
06-07-2004, 11:04 AM
I once was awarded a kumquat
For nothing more than getting my thumb caught
In the fork of a tree
While extending one knee
The cause? I have no idea what.

(Does that one even rhyme? Redo it if it doesn't... 'kumquat' here is the issue! :lol )

reph
06-07-2004, 12:25 PM
I once was awarded a kumquat
For nothing more than getting my thumb caught
In the fork of a tree
While extending one knee
Was the prize well deserved? I say somewhat.

Melina
06-07-2004, 03:41 PM
While sipping a vodka martini

ReadingWriter
06-07-2004, 05:41 PM
While sipping a vodka martini
I studied a purple bikini

Melina
06-07-2004, 05:43 PM
While sipping a vodka martini
I studied a purple bikini
It really was tiny

MacAl Stone
06-07-2004, 07:58 PM
While sipping a vodka martini
I studied a purple bikini
It really was tiny
And I felt a bit whiny

reph
06-08-2004, 04:41 AM
While sipping a vodka martini
I studied a purple bikini
It really was tiny
And I felt a bit whiny
'Cause my figure ain't long since looked eeny.


A couple of trout in a creek

CaoPaux
06-08-2004, 05:11 AM
A couple of trout in a creek
Saw a lure all shiny and sleek

serious comedy
06-08-2004, 05:13 AM
A couple of trout in a creek
Saw a lure all shiny and sleek
Said the one to the other

MacAl Stone
06-08-2004, 05:15 AM
A couple of trout in a creek
Saw a lure all shiny and sleek
Said the one to the other
"I think that my mother...

reph
06-08-2004, 06:05 AM
A couple of trout in a creek
Saw a lure all shiny and sleek
Said the one to the other
"I think that my mother
Passed on when she– Don't bite it! EEK!"


Tex started to paint his front bedroom

maestrowork
06-08-2004, 06:25 AM
Tex started to paint his front bedroom
then swept up the dirt with a wet bloom

ReadingWriter
06-08-2004, 08:11 AM
Tex started to paint his front bedroom
then swept up the dirt with a wet bloom
In the corner he found

reph
06-08-2004, 10:55 AM
Tex started to paint his front bedroom
then swept up the dirt with a wet bloom
In the corner he found
an elf spinning around

Melina
06-08-2004, 01:52 PM
Tex started to paint his front bedroom
then swept up the dirt with a wet bloom
In the corner he found
an elf spinning around
Guess he shouldn't have eaten that mushroom!

MacAl Stone
06-08-2004, 10:52 PM
The flavor of cherry tomatoes

ReadingWriter
06-08-2004, 11:48 PM
The flavor of cherry tomatoes
Showed up in the bowl of potatoes

serious comedy
06-09-2004, 01:43 AM
The flavor of cherry tomatoes
Showed up in the bowl of potatoes
If it weren't for the meat

macalicious731
06-09-2004, 03:19 AM
The flavor of cherry tomatoes
Showed up in the bowl of potatoes
If it weren't for the meat
They'd have nothing to eat

jazziz1
06-09-2004, 04:07 AM
The flavor of cherry tomatoes
Showed up in the bowl of potatoes
If it weren't for the meat
They'd have nothing to eat
Except for the snack mix Gar-day-ttos


As I dug and I hoed in my garden

ReadingWriter
06-09-2004, 06:28 AM
As I dug and I hoed in my garden
The ol' arteries began to harden

maestrowork
06-09-2004, 06:45 AM
As I dug and I hoed in my garden
The ol' arteries began to harden
I yelled for a nurse
and asked for my purse

reph
06-09-2004, 11:43 AM
As I dug and I hoed in my garden
The ol' arteries began to harden
I yelled for a nurse
and asked for my purse
and read up on God's rules for a pardon.


Don't ask me the price of insurance

ReadingWriter
06-09-2004, 06:42 PM
Don't ask me the price of insurance
My wrecks are a common occurrence

serious comedy
06-09-2004, 06:50 PM
Don't ask me the price of insurance
My wrecks are a common occurrence
Just this morning while heading

Melina
06-10-2004, 03:28 AM
Don't ask me the price of insurance
My wrecks are a common occurrence
Just this morning while heading
To my ex boyfriend's wedding

serious comedy
06-10-2004, 08:13 AM
Don't ask me the price of insurance
My wrecks are a common occurrence
Just this morning while heading
To my ex boyfriend's wedding
I ran over the blushing bride's parents (?) - urance was hard!

A young fellow named Q.Tarantino

maestrowork
06-10-2004, 09:14 AM
A young fellow named Q.Tarantino
who wears clothes made by Valentino

jazziz1
06-10-2004, 08:06 PM
A young fellow named Q.Tarantino
who wears clothes made by Valentino
Read a stunning new script

serious comedy
06-10-2004, 08:57 PM
A young fellow named Q.Tarantino
who wears clothes made by Valentino
Read a stunning new script
'Bout a girl and her whip

ReadingWriter
06-13-2004, 12:06 AM
A young fellow named Q.Tarantino
who wears clothes made by Valentino
Read a stunning new script
'Bout a girl and her whip
Then danced in a tub of maraschino.

(Whew! :\ That was a doozy!)

Let's go again ...

Ol' Sam said he never would marry

Melina
06-13-2004, 02:21 PM
Ol' Sam said he never would marry
"The prospect," said he,"is too scary"

RichMar
06-14-2004, 12:35 AM
Ol' Sam said he never would marry
"The prospect," said he,"is too scary.
Although marital bliss

serious comedy
06-14-2004, 04:48 PM
Ol' Sam said he never would marry
"The prospect," said he,"is too scary.
Although marital bliss
With the right little Miss

Lori Basiewicz
06-15-2004, 04:31 AM
Ol' Sam said he never would marry
"The prospect," said he,"is too scary.
Although marital bliss
With the right little Miss
Surely would not be quite so hairy.

reph
06-15-2004, 11:06 AM
I've eaten three pounds of salami

Stephanie
06-15-2004, 01:53 PM
I've eaten three pounds of salami
Piled atop of a pound of pastrami

Melina
06-15-2004, 03:24 PM
I've eaten three pounds of salami
Piled atop of a pound of pastrami
On the Atkins diet

serious comedy
06-15-2004, 04:57 PM
I've eaten three pounds of salami
Piled atop of a pound of pastrami
On the Atkins diet
All I do is fry it

Melina
06-15-2004, 07:00 PM
I've eaten three pounds of salami
Piled atop of a pound of pastrami
On the Atkins diet
All I do is fry it
It creates in my gut a tsunami

serious comedy
06-15-2004, 07:35 PM
Melina
You're supposed to write the first line of the next one - keep the train rollin'.
Ken

Melina
06-15-2004, 07:46 PM
A brilliant young lad from Missoula

Betty W01
06-15-2004, 08:18 PM
A brilliant young lad from Missoula
was trying to learn how to hula

Melina
06-15-2004, 08:24 PM
A brilliant young lad from Missoula
was trying to learn how to hula
But he threw out his hip

Betty W01
06-15-2004, 08:39 PM
A brilliant young lad from Missoula
was trying to learn how to hula
But he threw out his hip
while grabbing a tip

maestrowork
06-15-2004, 11:04 PM
A brilliant young lad from Missoula
was trying to learn how to hula
But he threw out his hip
while grabbing a tip
and fell right on top of Miss Sula


A man, a mouse and a chimpanzee

serious comedy
06-15-2004, 11:32 PM
A man, a mouse and a chimpanzee
Decided to make their gang of three

ChunkyC
06-16-2004, 05:45 AM
A man, a mouse and a chimpanzee
Decided to make their gang of three
into a four-some

Lori Basiewicz
06-16-2004, 06:32 AM
A man, a mouse and a chimpanzee
Decided to make their gang of three
into a four-some
By invitin' their chum

wwwatcher
06-16-2004, 11:04 AM
A man, a mouse and a chimpanzee
Decided to make their gang of three
into a four-some
By invitin' their chum
the clarinet playing, black donkey



An old man in a town far away

reph
06-16-2004, 11:39 AM
An old man in a town far away
Made his home in a barn full of hay

Betty W01
06-16-2004, 08:00 PM
An old man in a town far away
Made his home in a barn full of hay
he snuffled and wheezed

ChunkyC
06-16-2004, 10:16 PM
An old man in a town far away
Made his home in a barn full of hay
he snuffled and wheezed
and repeatedly sneezed

maestrowork
06-16-2004, 10:24 PM
An old man in a town far away
Made his home in a barn full of hay
he snuffled and wheezed
and repeatedly sneezed
He bought some Clariton on Ebay


A girl in a sequined dress said,

serious comedy
06-17-2004, 07:15 AM
A girl in a sequined dress said,
"I think that I should have invested

Lori Basiewicz
06-17-2004, 08:38 AM
A girl in a sequined dress said,
"I think that I should have invested
In satin for a beau

macalicious731
06-17-2004, 10:20 AM
A girl in a sequined dress said,
"I think that I should have invested
In satin for a beau
Too bad I didn't know

reph
06-17-2004, 10:53 AM
A girl in a sequined dress said,
"I think that I should have invested
In satin for a beau
Too bad I didn't know
I'll go shopping again when I've rested."

A very methodical plumber

wwwatcher
06-17-2004, 12:49 PM
A very methodical plumber
worked on a pipe that was a hummer

ReadingWriter
06-17-2004, 06:04 PM
A very methodical plumber
worked on a pipe that was a hummer
At the end of the day

ChunkyC
06-17-2004, 08:50 PM
A very methodical plumber
worked on a pipe that was a hummer
At the end of the day
with his tools put away

maestrowork
06-17-2004, 09:00 PM
A very methodical plumber
worked on a pipe that was a hummer
At the end of the day
with his tools put away
at Kit Kat club he was the drummer


As James Bond stirs his dry Martini

Betty W01
06-17-2004, 09:06 PM
ACK!! I can't stand it! Sorry, Ray, you are a talented writer in so many ways, but your ear for limerick rhythm needs a little work...

Meter correction...

As James Bond stirred up his Martini,
a chick in a teeny bikini

serious comedy
06-17-2004, 10:09 PM
As James Bond stirred up his Martini,
a chick in a teeny bikini
Said, "I've always heard

maestrowork
06-17-2004, 11:19 PM
As James Bond stirred up his Martini,
a chick in a teeny bikini
Said, "I've always heard
you're such a big flirt



Betty, thppppt! :nerd

Yeshanu
06-17-2004, 11:20 PM
As James Bond stirred up his Martini,
a chick in a teeny bikini
Said, "I've always heard
that a really big bird

serious comedy
06-17-2004, 11:29 PM
As James Bond stirred up his Martini,
a chick in a teeny bikini
Said, "I've always heard
you like shaken, not stirred."

Yeshanu
06-17-2004, 11:35 PM
As James Bond stirred up his Martini,
a chick in a teeny bikini
Said, "I've always heard
you like shaken, not stirred."
With a really big cocktail weenie.



There once was a hobbit named Sam

maestrowork
06-18-2004, 12:20 AM
There once was a hobbit named Sam
who loved a cake made of big fat yam

Betty W01
06-18-2004, 12:28 AM
:smack

ReadingWriter
06-18-2004, 02:31 AM
And a one ... :poke and a two ... :poke

There once was a hobbit named Sam
who fancied green eggs and blue ham

reph
06-18-2004, 02:44 AM
There once was a hobbit named Sam
who fancied green eggs and blue ham.
When his mother-in-law
Said "Please pass the cole slaw,"

Yeshanu
06-18-2004, 02:45 AM
There once was a hobbit named Sam
who fancied green eggs and blue ham
Said Frodo, "That's sick

Yeshanu
06-18-2004, 02:48 AM
We're piling in on top of each other here, so I thought I'd finish maestro's:

There once was a hobbit named Sam
who loved a cake made of big fat yam
Said Gollum, "Pee-yew!
I'd much rather eat hobbit stew."
So he passed on the cake and had Sam.

(My mind's a little sick today...)

serious comedy
06-18-2004, 04:28 AM
A cocky young lad from Regina
(try to avoid the obvious!)

Melina
06-18-2004, 01:42 PM
A cocky young lad from Regina
Took a trip to the Great Wall of China

reph
06-18-2004, 01:48 PM
There once was a hobbit named Sam
who fancied green eggs and blue ham
Said Frodo, "That's sick
But I'll try just a lick

(Around here, we pronounce that other name "Ruh-GEE-nuh.")

Melina
06-18-2004, 04:31 PM
There once was a hobbit named Sam
who fancied green eggs and blue ham
Said Frodo, "That's sick
But I'll try just a lick
It still must be better than Spam!

Melina
06-18-2004, 04:50 PM
(Around here, we pronounce that other name "Ruh-GEE-nuh.")
Oh--I thought we were referring to the town of Regina in Saskatchewan, Canada, which is pronounced with a long "I". Was I wrong?:huh

serious comedy
06-18-2004, 05:43 PM
You're right Melina -- sounds like "angina."

Melina
06-18-2004, 07:46 PM
A cocky young lad from Regina
Took a trip to the Great Wall of China

ReadingWriter
06-18-2004, 09:02 PM
A cocky young lad from Regina
Took a trip to the Great Wall of China
With chopsticks in hand,

ChunkyC
06-19-2004, 12:45 AM
A cocky young lad from Regina
Took a trip to the Great Wall of China
With chopsticks in hand,
and an expression so bland

Stephanie
06-19-2004, 01:55 AM
A cocky young lad from Regina
Took a trip to the Great Wall of China
With chopsticks in hand,
and an expression so bland
He freed his Regulus satrata







The pied piper met up with Samson

Yeshanu
06-19-2004, 01:55 AM
to finish with the obvious (now that it's been mentioned)

A cocky young lad from Regina
Took a trip to the Great Wall of China
With chopsticks in hand,
and an expression so bland
He then had an attack of angina.

I have to admit I've been bad, and wrote some all by myself.
Baaad, baaad Ruth:head :head

A handsome rich duke name of Aaron
Met a beautiful woman named Erin
At the church they were wed
Then they hopped into bed
And Aaron and Erin went heirin'

Baaad, baaad Ruth :head :head

Noooo! Not again....

The primordial swamp in my head
Is like compost -- so father has said.
It gives rise to my prose
And my verse. I suppose
By now you must all wish me dead.

Okay, now your turn, then I'll shut up. :ssh

(To keep with the Canadian theme...)

An elph who resided in Guelph

macalicious731
06-19-2004, 01:57 AM
An elph who resided in Guelph
was in need of some mental help...

robertquiller
06-19-2004, 03:54 AM
mind if I join? ----



An elph who resided in Guelph
was in need of some mental help
his psyche was not...

ReadingWriter
06-19-2004, 04:08 AM
An elph who resided in Guelph
was in need of some mental help
his psyche was not...
from the practical lot

wwwatcher
06-19-2004, 04:25 AM
An elph who resided in Guelph
was in need of some mental help
his psyche was not...
from the practical lot
but he had a good time by himself


Okay, someone else start
you need a line with 9 beats....

:star

robertquiller
06-19-2004, 05:50 AM
You need a line with nine beats
Far worse than all things done by Keats

ChunkyC
06-19-2004, 06:16 AM
You need a line with nine beats
Far worse than all things done by Keats
you'll find if you rhyme

robertquiller
06-19-2004, 06:28 AM
You need a line with nine beats
Far worse than all things done by Keats
you'll find if you rhyme
2-2-1, you'll be prime

serious comedy
06-19-2004, 09:15 AM
You need a line with nine beats
Far worse than all things done by Keats
you'll find if you rhyme
2-2-1, you'll be prime
And on your way to great writing feats!

serious comedy
06-19-2004, 09:19 AM
In a bar on the bad side of town

ReadingWriter
06-19-2004, 10:07 AM
In a bar on the bad side of town
sat a man in a red sequined gown

reph
06-19-2004, 10:55 AM
In a bar on the bad side of town
sat a man in a red sequined gown
He winked and he flirted

(I believe the woman's name "Regina" has a long I in the British pronunciation. It has a long E sound in the U.S.)

Melina
06-19-2004, 01:06 PM
In a bar on the bad side of town
sat a man in a red sequined gown
He winked and he flirted
Having just been converted

toto1958
06-19-2004, 02:51 PM
Hey Mac, if this thread doesnt get up to 300 posts ill kick your butt.

serious comedy
06-19-2004, 06:29 PM
"(I believe the woman's name "Regina" has a long I in the British pronunciation. It has a long E sound in the U.S.)"

Tis true. But the cocky young lad was from the town Regina. Benefit of the doubt though, I suppose his mother could have been named Regina, and the line would have still made sense.:thumbs

serious comedy
06-19-2004, 07:47 PM
In a bar on the bad side of town
sat a man in a red sequined gown
He winked and he flirted
Having just been converted
Still parts his knees while sitting down

Yeshanu
06-19-2004, 09:34 PM
There once was a wizard named Gandalf

serious comedy
06-20-2004, 07:22 AM
There once was a wizard named Gandalf
Whose lesser known brother named Randolph

Melina
06-20-2004, 07:55 AM
There once was a wizard named Gandalf
Whose lesser known brother named Randolph
Turned boys into toads

reph
06-20-2004, 08:13 AM
There once was a wizard named Gandalf
Whose lesser known brother named Randolph
Turned boys into toads
That hopped over the roads

serious comedy
06-20-2004, 09:06 AM
There once was a wizard named Gandalf
Whose lesser known brother named Randolph
Turned boys into toads
That hopped over roads
And said "I'd rather be playing golf"

Next:

An old lady who lived on the corner

Yeshanu
06-21-2004, 01:40 AM
An old lady who lived on the corner
Said, "If you-alls keeps blowin' your horner

maestrowork
06-21-2004, 06:29 AM
An old lady who lived on the corner
Said, "If you-alls keeps blowin' your horner,
I'll pluck up my ears
and murder my dears

wwwatcher
06-21-2004, 11:57 AM
An old lady who lived on the corner
Said, "If you-alls keeps blowin' your horner,
I'll pluck up my ears
and murder my dears
then we'll have to call in the cor'ner.



There was an old hag in a burrow

reph
06-21-2004, 12:24 PM
There was an old hag in a burrow
Who admitted she wasn't so thorough

Yeshanu
06-21-2004, 05:44 PM
There was an old hag in a burrow
Who admitted she wasn't so thorough
At cleaning her house
'Cause she found a dead mouse

Betty W01
06-21-2004, 10:40 PM
There was an old hag in a burrow
Who admitted she wasn't so thorough
At cleaning her house
'Cause she found a dead mouse
right next to her Halloween scarecrow.

ReadingWriter
06-22-2004, 01:05 AM
Hey Betty,

You have to start a new one! We're waiting ... :jump

ChunkyC
06-22-2004, 05:56 AM
Yeah, Betty...don't force us to tell Dancing Bud about this thread...here's a little teaser while we wait....

http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/5/5_1_118.gif

Yeshanu
06-22-2004, 06:11 AM
Since Betty seems to be AWOL, I'll start. She owes us one...:grin

There once was a dancer named Bud

reph
06-22-2004, 07:16 AM
There once was a dancer named Bud
He sank to the floor with a thud

Betty W01
06-22-2004, 08:35 AM
Sorry, I was busy writing. For pay. :money

There once was a dancer named Bud
He sank to the floor with a thud
and groaned, "Man, I can't dance
any more in these pants,
they're meant for a stick-in-the-mud!"

-----------------------------------------------
A girl from the south part of France

Lori Basiewicz
06-22-2004, 09:01 AM
A girl from the south part of France
Ended up with Bud's underpants






(Betty, I'm sooo sorry, but I HAD to get the line out of my head before I was forced to gouge out my baby blues.)

Betty W01
06-22-2004, 09:24 AM
Lori, I totally understand. Let me help...

A girl from the south part of France
Ended up with Bud's underpants.
She said, "These should be
burned immediately!
And now, I need eyeball transplants!"

------------------------
When McDonald was down on the farm,

reph
06-22-2004, 10:59 AM
When McDonald was down on the farm,
He installed a new burglar alarm

wwwatcher
06-22-2004, 11:26 AM
When McDonald was down on the farm,
He installed a new burglar alarm
The mice chewed the wires

Melina
06-22-2004, 02:06 PM
When McDonald was down on the farm,
He installed a new burglar alarm
The mice chewed the wires
Which quelled their desires

Yeshanu
06-22-2004, 07:28 PM
When McDonald was down on the farm,
He installed a new burglar alarm
The mice chewed the wires
Which quelled their desires
'Least that's what he told the gendarme.



One day my old ma cleaned her room

reph
06-23-2004, 12:07 AM
One day my old ma cleaned her room
And then booked a flight to Khartoum

Betty W01
06-23-2004, 12:11 AM
One day my old ma cleaned her room
And then booked a flight to Khartoum
because she found money

maestrowork
06-23-2004, 02:18 AM
One day my old ma cleaned her room
And then booked a flight to Khartoum
because she found money
She didn't take her honey

robertquiller
06-23-2004, 04:02 AM
One day my old ma cleaned her room
And then booked a flight to Khartoum
because she found money
She didn't take her honey
therefore now my old ma's in her tomb.


-----------------------

A selkie was eating a boy
when she heard sailor Jim shout, "Ahoy..."

reph
06-23-2004, 04:42 AM
A selkie was eating a boy
when she heard sailor Jim shout, "Ahoy!
Won't you want beer with that?"

maestrowork
06-23-2004, 04:55 AM
A selkie was eating a boy
when she heard sailor Jim shout, "Ahoy!
Won't you want beer with that?"
She said, "But I'm fat!"

MacAl Stone
06-23-2004, 05:21 AM
A selkie was eating a boy
when she heard sailor Jim shout, "Ahoy!
Won't you want beer with that?"
She said, "But I'm fat!"
Sailor Jim said, "That's half of the joy!"


The trouble with handsome Roberto

Pthom
06-23-2004, 05:45 AM
The trouble with handsome Roberto
Was that as he played the concerto

maestrowork
06-23-2004, 05:47 AM
The trouble with handsome Roberto
was always his crazy libido

Betty W01
06-23-2004, 06:18 AM
The trouble with handsome Roberto
Was that as he played the concerto
the girls mobbed the stage -
he was all the rage -

robertquiller
06-23-2004, 07:02 AM
The trouble with handsome Roberto
Was that as he played the concerto
the girls mobbed the stage -
he was all the rage -
and he had to leave that hall Allegro


-----------------------

I love eating pork-rinds and tripe



~ R.Q.

MacAl Stone
06-23-2004, 07:15 AM
I love eating pork-rinds and tripe,
anchovies and matza and snipe

reph
06-23-2004, 07:20 AM
I love eating pork-rinds and tripe,
anchovies and matza and snipe
Bananas, taquitos,
Corn, catfish, and Fritos,

robertquiller
06-23-2004, 07:20 AM
Oops: edited out in deference to reph...

robertquiller
06-23-2004, 07:21 AM
Double Oops. Sorry...

Betty W01
06-23-2004, 08:57 AM
I love eating pork-rinds and tripe,
anchovies and matza and snipe
Bananas, taquitos,
Corn, catfish, and Fritos,
and small green persimmons (unripe).

Yeshanu
06-23-2004, 09:06 AM
Oooh! The last one gave me a tummyache.

Betty, you've left it up to me to start this thing again:

Hmmm....

Hmmm...


There was a composer named Mozart

wwwatcher
06-23-2004, 11:10 AM
Ruth some are starters and some are finishers.

There was a composer named Mozart
Who came home one night in a pushcart



Also to work on Maestro's

The trouble with handsome Roberto
was always his crazy libido
Yes, he loved the girls

macalicious731
06-23-2004, 11:35 AM
There was a composer named Mozart
Who came home one night in a pushcart
He started writing a score


The trouble with handsome Roberto
was always his crazy libido
Yes, he loved the girls
He always gave them pearls

reph
06-23-2004, 11:35 AM
There was a composer named Mozart
Who came home one night in a pushcart
When he fell into bed

The trouble with handsome Roberto
was always his crazy libido
Yes, he loved the girls
As a hunter loves squirrels

macalicious731
06-23-2004, 11:39 AM
Oh geez.... now there's FOUR versions on the loose. Who's up?

reph
06-23-2004, 02:12 PM
This reminds me of the Sorcerer's Apprentice episode in "Fantasia." I'm going to bed, perchance to dream of brooms. 2...4...8...16...32...

maestrowork
06-23-2004, 07:06 PM
Let Mr. Magic fix the problem:

There was a composer named Mozart
Who came home one night in a pushcart
When he fell into bed
was ready to get fed
He dreamed of nothing but cream tart


There was a composer named Mozart
Who came home one night in a pushcart
He started writing a score
his fingers became so sore
His knuckles crackled like an old fart


The trouble with handsome Roberto
was always his crazy libido
Yes, he loved the girls
As a hunter loves squirrels
He rounded them up, said, "Perfecto!"


The trouble with handsome Roberto
was always his crazy libido
Yes, he loved the girls
He always gave them pearls
he made them wear only stilettos


----

When Mickey Mouse yelled "Halleluia!"

Betty W01
06-23-2004, 08:23 PM
When Mickey Mouse yelled "Halleluia!",
his neighbors replied, "Did we fool ya?"

MacAl Stone
06-23-2004, 08:23 PM
When Mickey Mouse yelled "Halleluia!"
Minnie gave the Marine bellow, "HOO-AH!"

maestrowork
06-23-2004, 08:38 PM
Here we go again...

Betty W01
06-23-2004, 08:55 PM
I like Mac's better...

When Mickey Mouse yelled "Halleluia!"
Minnie gave the Marine bellow, "HOO-AH!
I joined the Marines,
and you know what that means -

Yeshanu
06-23-2004, 09:38 PM
When Mickey Mouse yelled "Halleluia!"
Minnie gave the Marine bellow, "HOO-AH!
I joined the Marines,
and you know what that means -
Ended up in Hawaii dancin' hula. :snoopy

Let's finish Betty's first:

When Mickey Mouse yelled "Halleluia!",
his neighbors replied, "Did we fool ya?
We were out on the town
When we saw your red gown,

macalicious731
06-24-2004, 12:01 AM
Betty's:

When Mickey Mouse yelled "Halleluia!",
his neighbors replied, "Did we fool ya?
We were out on the town
When we saw your red gown,
And thought you looked great. Cool, huh?"

(all right, not so great --i usually stay away from endings.)

Mac's:

When Mickey Mouse yelled "Halleluia!"
Minnie gave the Marine bellow, "HOO-AH!
I joined the Marines,
and you know what that means -
No, I'm afraid I don't - do ya?"

macalicious731
06-24-2004, 12:03 AM
Oh, wait, the starting line:

The Breakfast Club, a motley teen group

reph
06-24-2004, 12:13 AM
***METRIC ALERT***

If we want to make poems of iambs, we can, but they won't be limericks.

The Breakfast Club, a motley teen group,
Shouted out an unforeseen whoop

macalicious731
06-24-2004, 12:18 AM
:smack That's why I usually stick to the middle lines. I can pull those off. :lol

Yeshanu
06-24-2004, 01:56 AM
The Breakfast Club, a motley teen group,
Shouted out an unforeseen whoop
'Cause they found a dead fly

robertquiller
06-24-2004, 02:58 AM
The Breakfast Club, a motley teen group,
Shouted out an unforeseen whoop
'Cause they found a dead fly
In a raw pumpkin pie...

ChunkyC
06-24-2004, 04:40 AM
The Breakfast Club, a motley teen group,
Shouted out an unforeseen whoop
'Cause they found a dead fly
In a raw pumpkin pie...
and decided they ought to make soup


When Bill Gates is counting his money

Betty W01
06-24-2004, 04:43 AM
When Bill Gates is counting his money,
his mother keeps telling him, "Honey,

MacAl Stone
06-24-2004, 05:32 AM
When Bill Gates is counting his money,
his mother keeps telling him, "Honey,
if you'd make things that work,

Lori Basiewicz
06-24-2004, 05:34 AM
When Bill Gates is counting his money,
his mother keeps telling him, "Honey,
if you'd make things that work,
without so many quirks,

Yeshanu
06-24-2004, 05:36 AM
When Bill Gates is counting his money,
his mother keeps telling him, "Honey,
if you'd make things that work,
clients won't go berserk

Betty W01
06-24-2004, 05:58 AM
When Bill Gates is counting his money,
his mother keeps telling him, "Honey,
if you'd make things that work,
clients won't go berserk
and end-users won't look at you funny."
-------------------------------

When Barb lets Bud comes out and dance,
she doesn't require any pants,

reph
06-24-2004, 06:21 AM
When Barb lets Bud comes out and dance,
she doesn't require any pants,
But he MUST wear his hat

Betty W01
06-24-2004, 06:24 AM
When Barb lets Bud comes out and dance,
she doesn't require any pants,
But he MUST wear his hat -
there are laws about that -

reph
06-24-2004, 09:39 AM
When Barb lets Bud comes out and dance,
she doesn't require any pants,
But he MUST wear his hat -
there are laws about that -
They're enforced by Barb's old maiden aunts.

I dreamed I became a brain surgeon

macalicious731
06-24-2004, 09:57 AM
Never mind! It was a no-go.

Melina
06-24-2004, 12:29 PM
I dreamed I became a brain surgeon
My career was beginning to burgeon

reph
06-24-2004, 01:48 PM
I dreamed I became a brain surgeon
My career was beginning to burgeon
Till a chorus of nurses

maestrowork
06-24-2004, 06:54 PM
I dreamed I became a brain surgeon
My career was beginning to burgeon
Till a chorus of nurses
who offered me curses

MacAl Stone
06-24-2004, 07:43 PM
I dreamed I became a brain surgeon
My career was beginning to burgeon
Till a chorus of nurses
who offered me curses
squelched my career just emergin'

Surfboards and sailboats are just neato

maestrowork
06-24-2004, 07:46 PM
Surfboards and sailboats are just neato
when you ride the waves with Judge Ito

Yeshanu
06-24-2004, 08:39 PM
Surfboards and sailboats are just neato
when you ride the waves with Judge Ito
But if you fall off the board

robertquiller
06-24-2004, 09:47 PM
Just a reminder: limericks have a rhythm that goes (to put it simply) -

da-DUM-da-da-DUM-da-da-DUM
da-da-DUM-da-da-DUM-da-da-DUM
da-da-DUM (or, but not usually, da-da-DUM-da-da-DUM)
da-da-DUM (or, but not usually, da-da-DUM-da-da-DUM)
da-da-DUM-da-da-DUM-da-da-DUM

I think the recent limericks have begun to deteriorate... Just a thought.

maestrowork
06-24-2004, 09:50 PM
Your meter is wrong, it should be:

da-DUM-da-da-DUM-da-da-DUM-da

(There ONCE was a MAN from NanTUCKet)

MacAl Stone
06-24-2004, 10:04 PM
heh--Robert your point is well taken.

Unfortunately, it is also lost on most of us Philistines.

Melina
06-25-2004, 01:59 AM
Surfboards and sailboats are just neato
when you ride the waves with Judge Ito
But if you fall off the board
Then you will have scored

maestrowork
06-25-2004, 03:44 AM
Surfboards and sailboats are just neato
when you ride the waves with Judge Ito
But if you fall off the board
Then you will have scored
a chance to date Danny Devito


A man and a woman said, "Kiddo,

reph
06-25-2004, 05:21 AM
A man and a woman said, "Kiddo,
Your hula hoop spins 'round your middo."

Pthom
06-25-2004, 06:58 AM
A man and a woman said, "Kiddo,
Your hula hoop spins 'round your middo."
If you can refrain

maestrowork
06-25-2004, 08:21 AM
A man and a woman said, "Kiddo,
Your hula hoop spins 'round your middo."
If you can just refrain (minor adjustment)
from dancing in the rain

reph
06-25-2004, 10:47 AM
A man and a woman said, "Kiddo,
Your hula hoop spins 'round your middo.
If you can refrain (original meter restored; it was correct)
from dancing in rain, (meter adjusted here)
You'll be quite the gymnast, though litto."

A window sash said to a door,

macalicious731
06-25-2004, 11:04 AM
A window sash said to a door,
"This home decor is such a bore!"

wwwatcher
06-25-2004, 11:31 AM
A window sash said to a door,
"This home decor is such a bore!"
I'd rather go naked

reph
06-25-2004, 01:02 PM
A window sash said to a door,
"This home decor is such a bore!
I'd rather go naked!
More paint? I can't take it!"

Melina
06-25-2004, 01:59 PM
A window sash said to a door,
"This home decor is such a bore!
I'd rather go naked!
More paint? I can't take it!"
And Christopher Lowell makes me snore!



My boyfriend took me out for sushi

reph
06-25-2004, 02:27 PM
My guy took me out for some sushi [adjusted for meter]
The fish, they were crispy, not mooshy

Melina
06-25-2004, 02:49 PM
My guy took me out for some sushi
The fish, they were crispy, not mooshy
I drank too much sake

Betty W01
06-25-2004, 07:31 PM
My guy took me out for some sushi
The fish, they were crispy, not mooshy
I drank too much sake
my date got too cocky

MacAl Stone
06-25-2004, 07:50 PM
My guy took me out for some sushi
The fish, they were crispy, not mooshy
I drank too much sake
my date got too cocky
passed out on the couch, it's not cushy


The rioting rabble ran reckless

Betty W01
06-25-2004, 07:58 PM
The rioting rabble ran reckless,
the riot control cops were feckless,

maestrowork
06-25-2004, 09:26 PM
The rioting rabble ran reckless,
the riot control cops were feckless,
they took their battons

Pthom
06-26-2004, 12:27 AM
The rioting rabble ran reckless,
the riot control cops were feckless,
they took their battons
and with some croutons