View Full Version : What's the Editor Thinking?

08-25-2006, 10:20 PM
This guy has your manuscript. He's read the whole thing, and now has to sit down with some tuna and a bowl of milk and work on the edits.


What's he thinking?

08-25-2006, 10:27 PM
geeez! i need to double my fees

(he is charging for this, yeah? :ROFL: )

08-25-2006, 10:28 PM
Talking cats..very realistic. I'll write that down.

(Very lame, I know, and not very clever. Yay me!)

08-25-2006, 10:30 PM
"If I hate the first three sample chapters I can just use them to line my litter pan."

08-25-2006, 10:31 PM
this is writing? i'll show her some writing!

08-25-2006, 10:32 PM
"Hmmm... don't like the mouse scene. Too predictable. Give the cat more lines. Yea, that's it.

Good Grief, what was she thinking when she wrote this? Dogs are STUPID!!! x x x x x - there. Just a. quick. note. on. the. margin.

NALA! Get me Disney! I think we have something here!!"

08-25-2006, 10:32 PM
Huck Finn meets Farscape, my a$$! Idiot can't even spell Pluto. That agent is gonna owe me big time for this one.

08-26-2006, 12:55 AM
Dear Dan Brown, I have completed reading your upcoming book "The Solomon Key". While it is certainly interesting, it is just more of the same. I suggest you make some changes in it. For one thing, add some cats. You're not just talking to any editor here. Who do you suppose gave Lillian Jackson Braun the idea to give her character, Detective journalist Jim Qwilleran a pair of prescient Siamese cats named Koko and Yum Yum. Some 21 books later, Lillian and the cats are still raking in the kibble, baby. Add cats!! You already did the albino thing, time to move on.

Think cats! Cute little furry animals who are loved the world over. Think about the merchandising you can generate from the book. Think of the calendars you can sell! Photos of cute little kitties dressed up like famous paintings in the Louvre. Something along these lines would be adorable for you.


If you really must have an albino, they do have albino cats. You can even call it Silas if you want.


Wouldnt this cutie make a great character??

Albino cats are MUCH more believable than murderous albino Opus Dei monks with bleeding calves who whip themselves in the name of God then kill museum curators.

Give it some thought, Dan, before it's too late. Your Da Vinci movie bombed. Maybe God was trying to tell you something.


Ivana Feline
Your Faithful Editor

Soccer Mom
08-26-2006, 01:26 AM
Now I know why my last rejection came back looking like someone hacked up a hairball in the SASE!

08-26-2006, 01:50 AM
All Dogs Go To Heaven. Wha--? Well, this is gonna need a total rewrite. Where's that SASE? I feel a hairball comin' up!

08-26-2006, 02:00 AM
I know we're not supposed to take bribes, but whoever sent this fish-flavored eraser pencil is going to the top of the pile...

08-26-2006, 02:19 AM
Wow -- $2.50 a page? Sweet gig! Think of all the tender vittles I can buy! Anyone got a real big book - like War and Peace? I can upgrade from the cheap store brand stuff to Eukabana

08-26-2006, 02:56 AM
Ok, you don't actually have to be able to write to be an editor do you? Uh oh. Maybe this wasn't such a great way to raise catnip money.

08-26-2006, 04:13 AM
mm. Nice thick ms. I'll have to sleep on this one.

08-26-2006, 04:16 AM
Oh, good! Something to sharpen my claws on...

08-26-2006, 11:13 AM
Dear Author, I will be happy to edit your book. The fee is $2.50 per page, however you can also pay me in canaries. Signed, Kit E Editor

08-27-2006, 11:07 AM
hmmm, no intrigue, too much action, and no cats. Did I really expect better? They're human after all...

08-27-2006, 11:57 PM
PS ... I also accept payment in field mice.

08-28-2006, 09:06 PM
"Huck Finn meets Farscape my a$$. Who sent this drivel, and where's that tuna I asked for twenty minutes ago?"

Soccer Mom
08-29-2006, 03:35 AM
Hmmm. This Mr. Lucky novel is just the ticket.

http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?p=761861#post761861 (post 63)

08-29-2006, 08:05 PM
...I just sprayed all over the outer office, I hope that new Calico secretary gets the hint.......

08-29-2006, 08:15 PM
I know we're not supposed to take bribes, but whoever sent this fish-flavored eraser pencil is going to the top of the pile...


08-29-2006, 09:48 PM
Wow this book is great - even if it is written in long hand. Sailor Moon is sooooooooooo cool. And this love scene between Xena Warrior Princess and the Highlander is hot. I wonder if the calico secretary would care to act it out with me -- strictly for professional reasons. I guess Anne Rice gave up on writing books about Jesus. Good thing, too, that last one really stunk like a litter box. But I thought she spelled her name with an E.

Soccer Mom
09-02-2006, 01:09 AM
Just bumping up. Anyone got another "editor" photo for comment?

09-15-2006, 01:33 AM
What's this I've been hearing about a recipe for cat food sandwiches?

09-15-2006, 11:11 PM
No, actually he's wondering whether he can get his 15 percent in China White

09-15-2006, 11:18 PM
You? think you can write.
Me? Ow!

09-16-2006, 02:52 AM
"Last time I saw this it was in my litter box!"