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flyingtart
01-02-2013, 04:26 PM
Each New Year's I throw a big bash
where all of the ladies I flash
It may sound obscene
But they seem quite keen
And naked I cut quite a dash


Oh Gwendoline's ever so flirty

Sir_Nigel
01-02-2013, 06:15 PM
Oh Gwendoline's ever so flirty,
so I’m picking her up at 8.30

kenthepen
01-02-2013, 07:17 PM
Oh Gwendoline's ever so flirty
So I'm picking her up at 8:30
If her fishnets are torn

annetpfeffer
01-02-2013, 07:20 PM
Oh Gwendoline's ever so flirty
So I'm picking her up at 8:30
If her fishnets are torn
I won't be forlorn

kenthepen
01-02-2013, 07:26 PM
Oh Gwendoline's ever so flirty
So I'm picking her up at 8:30
If her fishnets are torn
I won't be forlorn
'Cause my favorite virtue is 'dirty'

Ol' Virgil's an ornery cuss

Sir_Nigel
01-02-2013, 07:29 PM
Oh Gwendoline's ever so flirty
So I'm picking her up at 8:30
If her fishnets are torn
I won't be forlorn
I like ‘em a bit rough and dirty.



Once when the world was quite young

flyingtart
01-02-2013, 07:49 PM
Once when the world was quite young
A foolish prince swallowed his tongue

annetpfeffer
01-02-2013, 08:17 PM
Need to do Ken, too!

Ol' Virgil's an ornery cuss
who hollers and stirs up a fuss


Once when the world was quite young
A foolish prince swallowed his tongue
He sat there a'gagging

iLion
01-02-2013, 09:29 PM
Ol' Virgil's an ornery cuss
who hollers and stirs up a fuss
If anyone looks


Once when the world was quite young
A foolish prince swallowed his tongue
He sat there a'gagging
Yet kept on a'bragging

flyingtart
01-02-2013, 09:30 PM
Ol' Virgil's an ornery cuss
who hollers and stirs up a fuss
If anyone looks
at one of his books


Once when the world was quite young
A foolish prince swallowed his tongue
He sat there a'gagging
Yet kept on a'bragging
Till somebody gave him a bung

iLion
01-02-2013, 09:44 PM
Ol' Virgil's an ornery cuss
who hollers and stirs up a fuss.
If anyone looks
at one of his books
He'll throw them right under a bus.

Stay out of his way they all said

annetpfeffer
01-02-2013, 09:51 PM
Stay out of his way they all said
He's proper right out of his head

iLion
01-02-2013, 09:58 PM
Stay out of his way they all said
He's proper right out of his head
He thinks he's a train

annetpfeffer
01-02-2013, 11:39 PM
Stay out of his way they all said
He's proper right out of his head
He thinks he's a train
I think that his brain

Nymtoc
01-02-2013, 11:45 PM
Stay out of his way they all said
He's proper right out of his head
He thinks he's a train
I think that his brain
Is made of stale sourdough bread.

When sailing a raft on the sea

flyingtart
01-03-2013, 12:57 AM
When sailing a raft on the sea
Don't ever recite poetry

iLion
01-03-2013, 01:12 AM
When sailing a raft on the sea
Don't ever recite poetry
It makes mermaids sick

archerjoe
01-03-2013, 05:54 AM
When sailing a raft on the sea
Don't ever recite poetry
It makes mermaids sick
Unless you are quick

Sir_Nigel
01-03-2013, 12:59 PM
When sailing a raft on the sea
Don't ever recite poetry
It makes mermaids sick
Unless you are quick
they will vomit spectacularlee.


When faced with half woman, half fish

Nymtoc
01-03-2013, 01:24 PM
When faced with half woman, half fish
You're filled with desire, but you wish

Sir_Nigel
01-03-2013, 03:50 PM
When faced with half woman, half fish
You're filled with desire, but you wish
that after you meet her

kenthepen
01-03-2013, 05:52 PM
When faced with half woman, half fish
You're filled with desire, but you wish
That after you meet her
You debone and eat her

flyingtart
01-03-2013, 05:55 PM
When faced with half woman, half fish
You're filled with desire, but you wish
That after you meet her
You debone and eat her
Which gives two meanings to "a dish"


The bin lorry's rumbling along

Nymtoc
01-03-2013, 06:03 PM
The bin lorry's rumbling along
The smell it emits is quite strong

kenthepen
01-03-2013, 06:10 PM
The bin lorry's rumbling along
The smell it emits is quite strong
Offputting to most

flyingtart
01-03-2013, 09:20 PM
The bin lorry's rumbling along
The smell it emits is quite strong
Offputting to most
But here on the coast

iLion
01-03-2013, 09:53 PM
The bin lorry's rumbling along
The smell it emits is quite strong
Offputting to most
But here on the coast
It's worse than the fish - pass the bong.


The sign said that clothes could be off

Nymtoc
01-03-2013, 10:12 PM
The bin lorry's rumbling along
The smell it emits is quite strong
Offputting to most
But here on the coast
It's worse than the fish - pass the bong.

The sign said that clothes could be off
But what should I do? I'm a toff.

kenthepen
01-03-2013, 10:15 PM
The sign said that clothes could be off
But what should I do? I'm a toff.
I wear trousers and tails

iLion
01-03-2013, 10:28 PM
The sign said that clothes could be off
But what should I do? I'm a toff.
I wear trousers and tails
Even royalty hails

annetpfeffer
01-03-2013, 11:51 PM
The sign said that clothes could be off
But what should I do? I'm a toff.
I wear trousers and tails
Even royalty hails
But the people all snicker and scoff.



It's dumb to lie out in the sun

iLion
01-04-2013, 12:51 AM
It's dumb to lie out in the sun
And dumber to lie to a nun

Nymtoc
01-04-2013, 12:58 AM
It's dumb to lie out in the sun
And dumber to lie to a nun
But listen. At least

annetpfeffer
01-04-2013, 01:05 AM
It's dumb to lie out in the sun
And dumber to lie to a nun
But listen. At least
If your face is all creased

iLion
01-04-2013, 01:14 AM
It's dumb to lie out in the sun
And dumber to lie to a nun
But listen. At least
If your face is all creased
It's a badge from having such fun.


My bucket is leaking, and fast

annetpfeffer
01-04-2013, 01:36 AM
My bucket is leaking, and fast
I don't think my water will last

annetpfeffer
01-04-2013, 02:32 PM
I'm doing the next line, since no one is biting...,.


My bucket is leaking,and fast,
I don't think my water will last
I'll have to drink beer

Jo Zebedee
01-04-2013, 02:35 PM
My bucket is leaking,and fast,
I don't think my water will last
I'll have to drink beer
Give thanks when I cheer

kenthepen
01-04-2013, 06:04 PM
My bucket is leaking, and fast
I don't think my water will last
So I'll have to drink beer
Give thanks when I cheer
'Cause that means that the beer has been passed.

Her spatula flew through the air

Sir_Nigel
01-04-2013, 06:18 PM
Her spatula flew through the air
-a baking technique now quite rare

kenthepen
01-04-2013, 06:20 PM
Her spatula flew through the air
-a baking technique now quite rare
All the spatula-scarred

annetpfeffer
01-04-2013, 07:14 PM
Her spatula flew through the air
-a baking technique now quite rare
All the spatula-scarred
Should be on their guard

kenthepen
01-04-2013, 08:32 PM
Her spatula flew through the air
-a baking technique now quite rare
All the spatula-scarred
Should be on their guard
And the un-marked especially beware.

Who guessed that a kitchen could be

flyingtart
01-04-2013, 09:17 PM
Who guessed that a kitchen could be
A den of such ignominy

annetpfeffer
01-04-2013, 10:09 PM
Who guessed that a kitchen could be
A den of such ignominy
You could lose a hand

Lavern08
01-04-2013, 10:47 PM
Who guessed that a kitchen could be
A den of such ignominy
You could lose a hand
Or burn your best pan

kenthepen
01-04-2013, 11:44 PM
Who guessed that a kitchen could be
A den of such ignominy
You could lose a hand
Or burn your best pan
Best stick to the den and TV

The photos that hung on the wall

iLion
01-05-2013, 12:53 AM
The photos that hung on the wall
Were dwarfs playing pro basketball

Nymtoc
01-05-2013, 05:41 AM
The photos that hung on the wall
Were dwarfs playing pro basketball
Their three-foot point guard

kenthepen
01-05-2013, 05:43 AM
The photos that hung on the wall
Were of dwarfs playing pro basketball
Their three-foot point guard
Hit the Knicks' knees so hard

annetpfeffer
01-05-2013, 07:03 AM
The photos that hung on the wall
Were of dwarfs playing pro basketball
Their three-foot point guard
Hit the Knicks' knees so hard
He now can't do yoga at all.


At the end of the rainbow I found

kenthepen
01-05-2013, 07:09 AM
At the end of the rainbow I found
A wee little leprechaun, bound

flyingtart
01-05-2013, 04:57 PM
At the end of the rainbow I found
A wee little leprechaun, bound
In ribbons of gold

kenthepen
01-05-2013, 06:19 PM
At the end of the rainbow I found
A wee little leprechaun, bound
In ribbons of gold
I untied him, and told

Nymtoc
01-05-2013, 07:09 PM
At the end of the rainbow I found
A wee little leprechaun, bound
In ribbons of gold
I untied him, and told
Him to bury his nuts in the ground.

Ulysses was gone a long time

flyingtart
01-05-2013, 08:33 PM
Ulysses was gone a long time
Looking for something to rhyme

kenthepen
01-05-2013, 08:37 PM
Ulysses was gone a long time
Looking for something to rhyme
His unfortunate name

annetpfeffer
01-06-2013, 11:05 AM
Ulysses was gone a long time
Looking for something to rhyme
His unfortunate name
He liked to proclaim

Nightfly
01-06-2013, 12:04 PM
Ulysses was gone a long time
Looking for something to rhyme
His unfortunate name
He liked to proclaim
Was not limerick-y but sublime


The men had all gathered outside

flyingtart
01-06-2013, 01:15 PM
The men had all gathered outside
And got on their horses to ride

kenthepen
01-06-2013, 04:49 PM
The men had all gathered outside
And got on their horses to ride
One shouted, "Hi-Ho!"

flyingtart
01-06-2013, 05:46 PM
The men had all gathered outside
And got on their horses to ride
One shouted, "Hi-Ho!
Off hunting we go!"

kenthepen
01-06-2013, 06:10 PM
The men had all gathered outside
And they got on their horses to ride
One shouted, "Hi-Ho!
Off hunting we go
For a substance with which we'll get fried!"

Poor Percy was hung in a tree

annetpfeffer
01-06-2013, 06:32 PM
Poor Percy was hung in a tree
The last place he wanted to be

Nymtoc
01-06-2013, 06:57 PM
Poor Percy was hung in a tree
The last place he wanted to be
He feared most of all

annetpfeffer
01-06-2013, 08:36 PM
Poor Percy was hung in a tree
The last place he wanted to be
He feared most of all
That if he should fall

flyingtart
01-06-2013, 09:31 PM
Poor Percy was hung in a tree
The last place he wanted to be
He feared most of all
That if he should fall
He might get a graze on his knee


He wasn't the man of her dreams

Nymtoc
01-06-2013, 10:14 PM
He wasn't the man of her dreams
But no one is perfect, it seems

kenthepen
01-06-2013, 10:16 PM
He wasn't the man of her dreams
But no one is perfect, it seems
His Porsche was red

archerjoe
01-07-2013, 12:39 AM
He wasn't the man of her dreams
But no one is perfect, it seems
His Porsche was red
The same as his head

Nymtoc
01-07-2013, 01:11 AM
He wasn't the man of her dreams
But no one is perfect, it seems
His Porsche was red
The same as his head
And he pigged out on peppermint creams

"Tonight will be different," he swore

Lavern08
01-07-2013, 02:37 AM
"Tonight will be different," he swore.
Then he hit her and walked out the door.

annetpfeffer
01-07-2013, 05:21 AM
"Tonight will be different," he swore.
Then he hit her and walked out the door.
She burned all his files

kenthepen
01-07-2013, 06:31 AM
"Tonight will be different," he swore.
Then hit her and walked out the door.
She burned all his files
The smoke went for miles

annetpfeffer
01-07-2013, 08:50 AM
"Tonight will be different," he swore.
Then hit her and walked out the door.
She burned all his files
The smoke went for miles
Cuz she ain't gonna take it no more.



She waited for him to come home

Nymtoc
01-07-2013, 11:38 AM
She waited for him to come home
With some new polyurethane foam

flyingtart
01-07-2013, 02:08 PM
She waited for him to come home
With some new polyurethane foam
The hour was late

kenthepen
01-07-2013, 04:22 PM
She waited for him to come home
With some new polyurethane foam
The hour was late
But her timing was great

Nymtoc
01-07-2013, 05:26 PM
She waited for him to come home
With some new polyurethane foam
The hour was late
But her timing was great
And she welcomed him with a "Shalom."

Have you seen the new teacher? She's hot!

kenthepen
01-07-2013, 05:47 PM
Have you seen the new teacher? She's hot!
With those long perfect legs that she's got

annetpfeffer
01-08-2013, 04:59 AM
Have you seen the new teacher? She's hot!
With those long perfect legs that she's got
When she stands at the board

archerjoe
01-08-2013, 06:55 AM
Have you seen the new teacher? She's hot!
With those long perfect legs that she's got
When she stands at the board
What a sight, oh my lord!

kenthepen
01-08-2013, 07:04 AM
Have you seen the new teacher? She's hot!
With those long perfect legs that she's got
When she stands at the board
What a sight, oh, my lord!
Boys are floored, but pretend that they're not.

They were fortunate math was so easy

flyingtart
01-08-2013, 01:53 PM
They were fortunate math was so easy
But French grammar made everyone queasy

kenthepen
01-08-2013, 04:38 PM
They were fortunate math was so easy
But French grammar made everyone queasy
The etres and faires

annetpfeffer
01-08-2013, 08:34 PM
They were fortunate math was so easy
But French grammar made everyone queasy
The etres and faires
were for putting on airs

Nymtoc
01-08-2013, 08:42 PM
They were fortunate math was so easy
But French grammar made everyone queasy
The etres and faires
Were for putting on airs
And some said they just were plain cheesy.

She thinks she deserves a Rolls-Royce

iLion
01-08-2013, 09:20 PM
She thinks she deserves a Rolls-Royce
For having a great singing voice

kenthepen
01-08-2013, 09:26 PM
She thinks she deserves a Rolls-Royce
For having a great singing voice
Her vibrato's so sour

iLion
01-08-2013, 09:50 PM
She thinks she deserves a Rolls-Royce
For having a great singing voice
Her vibrato's so sour
It would wilt any flower

annetpfeffer
01-08-2013, 10:15 PM
She thinks she deserves a Rolls-Royce
For having a great singing voice
Her vibrato's so sour
It would wilt any flower
Ford Pinto-- for her, that's my choice.


The bastard has cancelled our date

flyingtart
01-08-2013, 10:42 PM
The bastard has cancelled our date
I cannot help feeling irate

kenthepen
01-09-2013, 12:07 AM
The bastard has cancelled our date
I cannot help feeling irate
He promised the stars

Nymtoc
01-09-2013, 12:32 AM
The bastard has cancelled our date
I cannot help feeling irate
He promised the stars
But he wound up in bars

kenthepen
01-09-2013, 12:36 AM
The bastard has cancelled our date
I cannot help feeling irate
He promised the stars
But he wound up in bars
In an ugly and stuporous state

In Florida people are great

annetpfeffer
01-09-2013, 03:14 AM
In Florida people are great
They eat tangerines by the crate

kenthepen
01-09-2013, 07:10 AM
In Florida people are great
They eat tangerines by the crate
The peels make a pile

annetpfeffer
01-09-2013, 10:39 AM
In Florida people are great
They eat tangerines by the crate
The peels make a pile
That's as high as a mile

Sir_Nigel
01-09-2013, 12:50 PM
In Florida people are great
They eat tangerines by the crate
The peels make a pile
That's as high as a mile
Which is now on display in the Tate. (Modern Art Gallery - London)


The butler was summoned discreetly

flyingtart
01-09-2013, 02:02 PM
The butler was summoned discreetly
And ordered to read Dennis Wheatley

Sir_Nigel
01-09-2013, 02:57 PM
The butler was summoned discreetly
And ordered to read Dennis Wheatley
At the spine-chilling bits

kenthepen
01-09-2013, 04:41 PM
The butler was summoned discreetly
And ordered to read Dennis Wheatley
At the spine-chilling bits
He rebelled and pitched fits

Sir_Nigel
01-09-2013, 04:57 PM
The butler was summoned discreetly
And ordered to read Dennis Wheatley
At the spine-chilling bits
He rebelled and pitched fits
which ruined the story completely


He called for a flagon of rum

kenthepen
01-09-2013, 05:43 PM
He called for a flagon of rum
And hoped that some pirates would come

flyingtart
01-09-2013, 05:48 PM
He called for a flagon of rum
And hoped that some pirates would come
But the pasty landlubber

donroc
01-09-2013, 06:22 PM
He called for a flagon of rum
And hoped that some pirates would come
But the pasty landlubber
Met a randy nighclubber

Sir_Nigel
01-09-2013, 07:24 PM
He called for a flagon of rum
And hoped that some pirates would come
But the pasty landlubber
Met a randy nightclubber
And that's how your dad met your mum.



But surely that cannot be true

kenthepen
01-09-2013, 07:31 PM
But surely that cannot be true
Of an upstanding gent such as you

annetpfeffer
01-09-2013, 08:13 PM
But surely that cannot be true
Of an upstanding gent such as you
Why, your reputation

Nymtoc
01-09-2013, 08:24 PM
But surely that cannot be true
Of an upstanding gent such as you
Why, your reputation
Defies defamation

iLion
01-09-2013, 08:53 PM
But surely that cannot be true
Of an upstanding gent such as you.
Why, your reputation
Defies defamation.
Good heavens, Beelzebub, it's you??


You're a sneaky ole devil, for sure!

kenthepen
01-10-2013, 04:23 AM
You're a sneaky ole devil, for sure
I suspect that your evil ain't pure

Nymtoc
01-10-2013, 04:28 AM
You're a sneaky ole devil, for sure
I suspect that your evil ain't pure
It's tainted, by gad,

kenthepen
01-10-2013, 04:31 AM
You're a sneaky ole devil, for sure
I suspect that your evel ain't pure
It's tainted, by gad,
With things happy and glad

annetpfeffer
01-10-2013, 09:38 AM
You're a sneaky ole devil, for sure
I suspect that your evel ain't pure
It's tainted, by gad,
With things happy and glad
In fact, it's a pile of manure


They threw the witch into a pond

Nymtoc
01-10-2013, 12:52 PM
They threw the witch into a pond
With her viper that served as a wand

Sir_Nigel
01-10-2013, 01:21 PM
They threw the witch into a pond
With her viper that served as a wand
she uttered a curse

annetpfeffer
01-10-2013, 03:22 PM
They threw the witch into a pond
With her viper that served as a wand
she uttered a curse
in impeccable verse

flyingtart
01-10-2013, 03:25 PM
They threw the witch into a pond
With her viper that served as a wand
she uttered a curse
in impeccable verse
That summoned the ghost of James Bond


He arrived in a big shiny car

Sir_Nigel
01-10-2013, 03:45 PM
He arrived in a big shiny car,
leapt out with a cry of Ahaa!

annetpfeffer
01-10-2013, 04:52 PM
Note the example of English rhyming -- car rhymes with ahaa!

He arrived in a big shiny car,
leapt out with a cry of Ahaa!
He brandished his sword

Sir_Nigel
01-10-2013, 05:20 PM
He arrived in a big shiny car,
leapt out with a cry of Ahaa!
He brandished his sword
as he’d run out of bullets (again just ordinary English rhyming)

kenthepen
01-10-2013, 05:48 PM
He arrived in a big shiny caa
Leapt out with a cry of Ahaa!
He brandished his sword
And earned his reward

(good ol' Murrikin rahms)

flyingtart
01-10-2013, 06:47 PM
He arrived in a big shiny car,
leapt out with a cry of Ahaa!
He brandished his sword
as he’d run out of bullets
And retorted, "Is this the correct way to Cholmondley in Worcestershire?"

He arrived in a big shiny caa
Leapt out with a cry of Ahaa!
He brandished his sword
And earned his reward
By getting big hugs from his Ma


He's slick as a spy ought to be

kenthepen
01-10-2013, 08:27 PM
He's slick as a spy ought to be
So shadowy he's hard to see

annetpfeffer
01-10-2013, 08:40 PM
He's slick as a spy ought to be
So shadowy he's hard to see
But you can't miss his gun

kenthepen
01-11-2013, 01:30 AM
He's slick as a spy ought to be
So shadowy he's hard to see
But you can't miss his gun
Or his fondness for fun

annetpfeffer
01-11-2013, 06:42 AM
He's slick as a spy ought to be
So shadowy he's hard to see
But you can't miss his gun
Or his fondness for fun
He just shot two squirrels from a tree.


I've traveled all over the globe.

Pthom
01-11-2013, 11:21 AM
I've traveled all over the globe
With a diamond or pearl in my lobe.

flyingtart
01-11-2013, 01:54 PM
I've traveled all over the globe
With a diamond or pearl in my lobe.
It may sound exotic

Nymtoc
01-11-2013, 02:27 PM
I've traveled all over the globe
With a diamond or pearl in my lobe.
It may sound exotic
Or even psychotic

Sir_Nigel
01-11-2013, 02:31 PM
I've traveled all over the globe
With a diamond or pearl in my lobe.
It may sound exotic
Or even psychotic
but it goes with my leopardskin robe


The outlook is cloudy and dull

kenthepen
01-11-2013, 04:19 PM
The outlook is cloudy and dull
Good weather to sit still and mull

flyingtart
01-11-2013, 04:58 PM
The outlook is cloudy and dull
Good weather to sit still and mull
So sit by the fire

kenthepen
01-11-2013, 08:38 PM
The outlook is cloudy and dull
Good weather to sit still and mull
So sit by the fire
And work out your ire

Nymtoc
01-11-2013, 08:50 PM
The outlook is cloudy and dull
Good weather to sit still and mull
So sit by the fire
And work out your ire
Until your vexation is null.

There was an old man named O'Banion

annetpfeffer
01-11-2013, 08:52 PM
The outlook is cloudy and dull
Good weather to sit still and mull
So sit by the fire
And work out your ire
And put nasty karma on lull



Miss Withers was instantly smitten

flyingtart
01-11-2013, 09:19 PM
There was an old man named O'Banion
Who lived by a creek in a canyon


Miss Withers was instantly smitten
By a banker who hailed from Thames Ditton

iLion
01-11-2013, 09:32 PM
There was an old man named O'Banion
Who lived by a creek in a canyon.
He threw in his wife


Miss Withers was instantly smitten
By a banker who hailed from Thames Ditton.
They went to the Ritz

annetpfeffer
01-11-2013, 11:06 PM
There was an old man named O'Banion
Who lived by a creek in a canyon.
He threw in his wife
And ended her life


Miss Withers was instantly smitten
By a banker who hailed from Thames Ditton.
They went to the Ritz
Enjoyed all the glitz

Nymtoc
01-11-2013, 11:27 PM
There was an old man named O'Banion
Who lived by a creek in a canyon.
He threw in his wife
And ended her life,
Then he looked for a better companion.

Miss Withers was instantly smitten
By a banker who hailed from Thames Ditton.
They went to the Ritz
Enjoyed all the glitz
From Las Vegas to stodgy old Britain.

She baked him a cinnamon cake

flyingtart
01-12-2013, 12:05 AM
She baked him a cinnamon cake
The sort Martha Stewart would bake

annetpfeffer
01-12-2013, 12:57 AM
She baked him a cinnamon cake
The sort Martha Stewart would bake
He gobbled it down

kenthepen
01-12-2013, 02:26 AM
She baked him a cinnamon cake
The sort Martha Stewart would make
He gobbled it down
To his face came a frown

iLion
01-12-2013, 02:40 AM
She baked him a cinnamon cake
The sort Martha Stewart would make
He gobbled it down
To his face came a frown
And that was the end of our Jake.

He died a most horrible death

kenthepen
01-12-2013, 02:42 AM
He died a most horrible death
And with Martha Stewart-ish breath

Nymtoc
01-12-2013, 02:58 AM
He died a most horrible death
And with Martha Stewart-ish breath
But she charmed the judge

kenthepen
01-12-2013, 03:01 AM
He died a most horrible death
And with Martha Stewart-ish breath
But she charmed the judge
Now the jury won't budge

iLion
01-12-2013, 03:10 AM
He died a most horrible death
And with Martha Stewart-ish breath
But she charmed the judge
Now the jury won't budge
So they hanged somebody named Beth.

Beth's funeral was really the pits

kenthepen
01-12-2013, 03:14 AM
Beth's funeral was really the pits
For some reason her Mum showed her tits

Nymtoc
01-12-2013, 03:54 AM
Beth's funeral was really the pits
For some reason her Mum showed her tits
Her sis bounced her boobs

kenthepen
01-12-2013, 04:39 AM
Beth's funeral was really the pits
For some reason her Mum showed her tits
Her sis bounced her boobs
On some old innertubes

Nymtoc
01-12-2013, 04:51 AM
Beth's funeral was really the pits
For some reason her Mum showed her tits
Her sis bounced her boobs
On some old innertubes
And her crazy old aunt did the splits.

The mourners adjourned to a pub

Spell-it-out
01-12-2013, 05:03 AM
Beth's funeral was really the pits
For some reason her Mum showed her tits
Her sis bounced her boobs
On some old innertubes
And her crazy old aunt did the splits.

The mourners adjourned to a pub
And stuffed themselves silly with grub

kenthepen
01-12-2013, 05:11 AM
The mourners adjourned to a pub
And stuffed themselves silly with grub
While the lager flowed free

annetpfeffer
01-12-2013, 05:55 AM
The mourners adjourned to a pub
And stuffed themselves silly with grub
While the lager flowed free
Anybody could see

Matera the Mad
01-12-2013, 08:51 AM
The mourners adjourned to a pub
And stuffed themselves silly with grub
While the lager flowed free
Anybody could see
That more bodies would soon join the club.

If you're going to drive when you're stinko

flyingtart
01-12-2013, 12:21 PM
If you're going to drive when you're stinko
Don't crash your car into a rinko

Nymtoc
01-12-2013, 03:08 PM
If you're going to drive when you're stinko
Don't crash your car into a rinko
And don't try to fly

flyingtart
01-12-2013, 04:03 PM
If you're going to drive when you're stinko
Don't crash your car into a rinko
And don't try to fly
Or I'm afraid I

Nymtoc
01-12-2013, 05:06 PM
If you're going to drive when you're stinko
Don't crash your car into a rinko
And don't try to fly
Or I'm afraid I
May take you to go see a shrinko.

My novel is bound to sell well

flyingtart
01-12-2013, 05:34 PM
My novel is bound to sell well
And gain rave reviews I can tell

annetpfeffer
01-12-2013, 06:50 PM
My novel is bound to sell well
And gain rave reviews I can tell
It's witty and clever

Nymtoc
01-12-2013, 07:52 PM
My novel is bound to sell well
And gain rave reviews I can tell
It's witty and clever,
My finest endeavor,

flyingtart
01-12-2013, 08:26 PM
My novel is bound to sell well
And gain rave reviews I can tell
It's witty and clever,
My finest endeavor,
With a hero who rogers like hell


Lucretia was feeling distraught

kenthepen
01-12-2013, 08:34 PM
Lucretia was feeling distraught
When she tried on the jeans that she bought

Nymtoc
01-13-2013, 03:27 AM
Lucretia was feeling distraught
When she tried on the jeans that she bought
They seemed much too small

CatharsisChild
01-13-2013, 04:40 AM
Lucretia was feeling distraught
When she tried on the jeans that she bought
They seemed much too small
For a woman who was very very tall

Cannon Films made schlock in the eighties

Nymtoc
01-13-2013, 04:54 AM
Lucretia was feeling distraught
When she tried on the jeans that she bought
They seemed much too small
For a woman who was very very tall*


*Too many "beats" in that line. A limerick's first, second and fifth lines have three beats (LuCREtia was FEELing disTRAUGHT), but its third and fourth lines have only two beats--e.g. "The TOP of the HILL," or "DOZens of GIRLS."


:D

Let's try it this way:
Lucretia was feeling distraught
When she tried on the jeans that she bought
They seemed much too small
For a woman so tall

annetpfeffer
01-13-2013, 06:40 AM
Lucretia was feeling distraught
When she tried on the jeans that she bought
They seemed much too small
For a woman so tall--
Failed to cover her ass like they ought.



I'm sorry, don't wish to presume.

Nymtoc
01-13-2013, 07:19 AM
I'm sorry, don't wish to presume,
But you've picked an unsuitable groom

annetpfeffer
01-13-2013, 07:47 AM
I'm sorry, don't wish to presume,
But you've picked an unsuitable groom
He's dumb as a rock

Nymtoc
01-13-2013, 08:11 AM
I'm sorry, don't wish to presume,
But you've picked an unsuitable groom
He's dumb as a rock
His face stops a clock

annetpfeffer
01-13-2013, 08:21 AM
I'm sorry, don't wish to presume,
But you've picked an unsuitable groom
He's dumb as a rock
His face stops a clock
And his smell drove us all from the room.


But love conquers all, she replied.

Nymtoc
01-13-2013, 08:43 AM
But love conquers all, she replied.
I'm determined to be Oswald's bride

kenthepen
01-13-2013, 08:53 AM
But love conquers all, she replied
I'm determined to be Oswald's bride
His effluvium's foul

Nymtoc
01-13-2013, 02:18 PM
But love conquers all, she replied
I'm determined to be Oswald's bride
His effluvium's foul
He speaks with a growl

flyingtart
01-13-2013, 03:56 PM
But love conquers all, she replied
I'm determined to be Oswald's bride
His effluvium's foul
He speaks with a growl
But you should clock his cutey backside


And so on the day they were wed

kenthepen
01-13-2013, 05:09 PM
And so on the day they were wed
Oswald finally took her to bed

annetpfeffer
01-13-2013, 06:46 PM
And so on the day they were wed
Oswald finally took her to bed
His horrible stink

kenthepen
01-13-2013, 06:49 PM
And so on the day they were wed
Oswald finally took her to bed
His horrible stink
Turned her on, I do think

annetpfeffer
01-13-2013, 07:50 PM
And so on the day they were wed
Oswald finally took her to bed
His horrible stink
Turned her on, I do think
While most of us girls would have fled.


My plan was quite simple, you see,

archerjoe
01-13-2013, 08:53 PM
My plan was quite simple, you see,
Just follow steps one, two and three

kenthepen
01-13-2013, 09:06 PM
My plan was quite simple, you see,
Just follow steps one, two and three
And be done with his like

Nymtoc
01-13-2013, 09:11 PM
My plan was quite simple, you see,
Just follow steps one, two and three
And be done with his like
And ride off on your bike

kenthepen
01-13-2013, 09:14 PM
My plan was quite simple, you see,
Just follow steps one, two and three
And be done with his like
And ride off on your bike
And forget that you ever saw me.

If he gets in the way simply push

annetpfeffer
01-13-2013, 09:18 PM
My plan was quite simple, you see,
Just follow steps one, two and three
And be done with his like
And ride off on your bike
and sit down with your buddies for tea.



The king chose a bride for his son

Nymtoc
01-13-2013, 09:34 PM
If he gets in the way simply push
Never mind if he lands in the bush


The king chose a bride for his son
She was gross, but sheer politics won

flyingtart
01-13-2013, 10:53 PM
If he gets in the way simply push
Never mind if he lands in the bush
His problem, you see


The king chose a bride for his son
She was gross, but sheer politics won
When she took off her veil

annetpfeffer
01-13-2013, 11:14 PM
If he gets in the way simply push
Never mind if he lands in the bush
His problem, you see
Is he's hung up on me


The king chose a bride for his son
She was gross, but sheer politics won
When she took off her veil
all the children did wail

Matera the Mad
01-14-2013, 08:02 AM
If he gets in the way simply push
Never mind if he lands in the bush
His problem, you see
Is he's hung up on me
And I don't care a fig for his swoosh.


The king chose a bride for his son
She was gross, but sheer politics won
When she took off her veil
all the children did wail
Her face caused an eclipse of the sun!


I don't care if your granny's a countess

Nymtoc
01-14-2013, 08:21 AM
I don't care if your granny's a countess
Her snooty remarks can't surmount us

annetpfeffer
01-14-2013, 09:01 AM
I don't care if your granny's a countess
Her snooty remarks can't surmount us
Her rampant senility

Nymtoc
01-14-2013, 10:31 AM
I don't care if your granny's a countess
Her snooty remarks can't surmount us
Her rampant senility
Lacks all nobility

flyingtart
01-14-2013, 04:03 PM
I don't care if your granny's a countess
Her snooty remarks can't surmount us
Her rampant senility
Lacks all nobility
Her malice is certainly doubtless


That last one was really too tough

kenthepen
01-14-2013, 04:38 PM
That last one was really too tough
And my brain has been crying, "Enough!"

Sir_Nigel
01-14-2013, 05:46 PM
That last one was really too tough
And my brain has been crying, "Enough!"
And when you get stuck

kenthepen
01-14-2013, 05:54 PM
That last one was really too tough
And my brain has been crying, "Enough!"
And when you get stuck
In alphabet muck

Sir_Nigel
01-14-2013, 06:45 PM
That last one was really too tough
And my brain has been crying, "Enough!"
And when you get stuck
in alphabet muck
you may drown in a miry slough.



When stuck in a tricky predicament

Nymtoc
01-14-2013, 06:51 PM
When stuck in a tricky predicament
It helps to take time out and lick a mint

annetpfeffer
01-14-2013, 07:00 PM
When stuck in a tricky predicament
It helps to take time out and lick a mint
Relax, put your feet up

kenthepen
01-14-2013, 08:29 PM
When stuck in a tricky predicament
It helps to take time out and lick a mint
Relax, put your feet up
Your mind will soon heat up

Nymtoc
01-14-2013, 08:36 PM
When stuck in a tricky predicament
It helps to take time out and lick a mint
Relax, put your feet up
Your mind will soon heat up
You've run out candy? Just nick a mint.

This lim'rick will be very plain

kenthepen
01-14-2013, 08:38 PM
This lim'rick will be very plain
So austere as to create no pain

iLion
01-14-2013, 09:23 PM
This lim'rick will be very plain
So austere as to create no pain
I've nothing to say

kenthepen
01-14-2013, 09:34 PM
This lim'rick will be very plain
So austere as to create no pain
I've nothing to say
And I'll say it all day

iLion
01-14-2013, 09:37 PM
This lim'rick will be very plain
So austere as to create no pain
I've nothing to say
And I'll say it all day
And that's why they call me Plain Jane.


But Dick is complex as can be

archerjoe
01-14-2013, 10:29 PM
But Dick is complex as can be
We think he might have OCD

flyingtart
01-14-2013, 11:37 PM
But Dick is complex as can be
We think he might have OCD
He's also quite hyper

kenthepen
01-15-2013, 01:18 AM
But Dick is complex as can be
We think he might have OCD
He's also quite hyper
The sneaky old viper

annetpfeffer
01-15-2013, 03:23 AM
But Dick is complex as can be
We think he might have OCD
He's also quite hyper
The sneaky old viper's
a hand and foot wash devotee.



A guy tried to mug me today

Nymtoc
01-15-2013, 03:35 AM
A guy tried to mug me today
He thought I would be easy prey

kenthepen
01-15-2013, 04:40 AM
A guy tried to mug me today
He thought I would be easy prey
Turned out it was true

Nymtoc
01-15-2013, 05:41 AM
A guy tried to mug me today
He thought I would be easy prey
Turned out it was true
For he took every sou

annetpfeffer
01-15-2013, 06:01 AM
A guy tried to mug me today
He thought I would be easy prey
Turned out it was true
For he took every sou,
But I got him back -- snatched his toupee!!


"Hey baby," the gigolo crooned

kenthepen
01-15-2013, 06:02 AM
"Hey Baby," the gigolo crooned,
"Fifty bucks, if you want to be spooned."

archerjoe
01-15-2013, 06:40 AM
"Hey Baby," the gigolo crooned,
"Fifty bucks, if you want to be spooned."
"And for ten dollars more"

Nymtoc
01-15-2013, 07:21 AM
"Hey Baby," the gigolo crooned,
"Fifty bucks, if you want to be spooned,
And for ten dollars more
You get lim'ricks galore

annetpfeffer
01-15-2013, 08:27 AM
"Hey Baby," the gigolo crooned,
"Fifty bucks, if you want to be spooned,
And for ten dollars more
You get lim'ricks galore
For a hundred you'll even get mooned!


Clarisse was a rock n roll star

Sir_Nigel
01-15-2013, 12:33 PM
Clarisse was a rock n roll star
And she danced in a long pointy bra

flyingtart
01-15-2013, 01:52 PM
Clarisse was a rock n roll star
And she danced in a long pointy bra
But the tip of each cup

Sir_Nigel
01-15-2013, 02:48 PM
Clarisse was a rock n roll star
And she danced in a long pointy bra
But the tip of each cup
went one down, one up

Nymtoc
01-15-2013, 03:02 PM
Clarisse was a rock n roll star
And she danced in a long pointy bra
But the tip of each cup
went one down, one up
And the crowd went "he-he" and "har-har."

I spend winter months at my villa

kelzey2
01-15-2013, 03:52 PM
I spend winter months at my villa
In the one next to mine lives Godzilla

flyingtart
01-15-2013, 04:14 PM
I spend winter months at my villa
In the one next to mine lives Godzilla
He came round for tea

kenthepen
01-15-2013, 04:20 PM
I spend winter months at my villa
In the one next to mine lives Godzilla
He came round for tea
With Mothra and me

flyingtart
01-15-2013, 05:57 PM
I spend winter months at my villa
In the one next to mine lives Godzilla
He came round for tea
With Mothra and me
She mistook the poor chap for Ben Stiller


I'll tell you, but don't tell a soul

annetpfeffer
01-15-2013, 06:44 PM
I'll tell you but don't tell a soul
I went out to my yard, dug a hole

Sir_Nigel
01-15-2013, 06:50 PM
I'll tell you but don't tell a soul
I went out to my yard, dug a hole,
I buried my wife

Nymtoc
01-15-2013, 07:45 PM
I'll tell you but don't tell a soul
I went out to my yard, dug a hole,
I buried my wife
And my murderous knife

iLion
01-15-2013, 09:40 PM
I'll tell you but don't tell a soul.
I went out to my yard, dug a hole,
I buried my wife
And my murderous knife.
That's the last time she'll take the last roll.

I'll ever do time for this deed

Nymtoc
01-15-2013, 09:50 PM
I'll never do time for this deed
I have the defense that I need

iLion
01-15-2013, 09:54 PM
I'll never do time for this deed.
I have the defense that I need .
"She deserved it", I'll say.

flyingtart
01-15-2013, 10:26 PM
I'll never do time for this deed
I have the defense that I need
"She deserved it", I'll say
As they cart me away

annetpfeffer
01-15-2013, 11:35 PM
I'll never do time for this deed
I have the defense that I need
"She deserved it", I'll say
As they cart me away
Don't come between me and my feed!


I just ate a pound of spaghetti

kenthepen
01-16-2013, 01:13 AM
I just ate a pound of spaghetti
And my stomach is going roulette-y

flyingtart
01-16-2013, 01:37 PM
I just ate a pound of spaghetti
And my stomach is going roulette-y
I think I might puke

Nymtoc
01-16-2013, 02:05 PM
I just ate a pound of spaghetti
And my stomach is going roulette-y
I think I might puke
Like a blast from a nuke

Sir_Nigel
01-16-2013, 02:52 PM
I just ate a pound of spaghetti
And my stomach is going roulette-y
I think I might puke
Like a blast from a nuke
Or a shower of pasta confetti



He cycled in haste to Dundee

kenthepen
01-16-2013, 04:19 PM
He cycled in haste to Dundee
Where he wrapped his poor bike round a tree

flyingtart
01-16-2013, 04:49 PM
He cycled in haste to Dundee
Where he wrapped his poor bike round a tree
A spoke pierced his kilt

Sir_Nigel
01-16-2013, 05:01 PM
He cycled in haste to Dundee
Where he wrapped his poor bike round a tree
A spoke pierced his kilt,
his whisky was spilt

kenthepen
01-16-2013, 05:11 PM
He cycled in haste to Dundee
Where he wrapped his poor bike round a tree
A spoke pierced his kilt
His whisky was spilt
And he sadly became a MacShe.

While washing the dishes today

iLion
01-16-2013, 09:13 PM
While washing the dishes today
I decided I'd soon run away

Nymtoc
01-16-2013, 09:25 PM
While washing the dishes today
I decided I'd soon run away
I packed a few things

iLion
01-16-2013, 09:35 PM
While washing the dishes today
I decided I'd soon run away
I packed a few things
Took off my old rings

annetpfeffer
01-16-2013, 09:56 PM
While washing the dishes today
I decided I'd soon run away
I packed a few things
Took off my old rings
Identity change on the way.


A nose job's a wonderful thing

iLion
01-16-2013, 10:27 PM
A nose job's a wonderful thing
Unless it falls off -- badda bing!

Nymtoc
01-16-2013, 10:32 PM
A nose job's a wonderful thing
Unless it falls off -- badda bing!
And like King of Pop,

Lavern08
01-16-2013, 10:51 PM
A nose job's a wonderful thing
Unless it falls off -- badda bing!
And like King of Pop,
You don't have to stop