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kellysaid
12-14-2012, 09:19 PM
I wish that I weren't always late
Punctuality isn't my mate
I've been married to tardy
and we've missed every party

annetpfeffer
12-14-2012, 09:33 PM
I wish that I weren't always late
Punctuality isn't my mate
I've been married to tardy
and we've missed every party
But it's missing my flights that I hate.



"Begone, fool!" exclaimed the old geezer

iLion
12-14-2012, 09:36 PM
"Begone, fool!" exclaimed the old geezer
I'm expecting my date with a pleaser

kenthepen
12-14-2012, 11:58 PM
"Begone, fool!" exclaimed the old geezer
I'm expecting my date with a pleaser
A small bottle of rum

annetpfeffer
12-15-2012, 08:45 AM
"Begone, fool!" exclaimed the old geezer
I'm expecting my date with a pleaser
A small bottle of rum
and this night might become

Nymtoc
12-15-2012, 10:50 AM
"Begone, fool!" exclaimed the old geezer
I'm expecting my date with a pleaser
A small bottle of rum
and this night might become
The night when I score like a breezer.

"I'll get back at the bastard!" she cried

flyingtart
12-15-2012, 01:58 PM
"I'll get back at the bastard!" she cried
While kicking his flabby backside

kenthepen
12-15-2012, 06:12 PM
"I'll get back at the bastard!" she cried
While kicking his flabby backside
He went down in a heap

annetpfeffer
12-15-2012, 08:36 PM
"I'll get back at the bastard!" she cried
While kicking his flabby backside
He went down in a heap
while she screamed "Bloody creep!"

kenthepen
12-15-2012, 08:47 PM
"I'll get back at the bastard!" she cried
While kicking his flabby backside
He went down in a heap
While she screamed "Bloody creep!"
And put hot branding iron to his hide.

If you've never been kicked in the 'nads

simonalexander2005
12-15-2012, 10:19 PM
If you've never been kicked in the 'nads
by a gang of American lads

flyingtart
12-15-2012, 10:53 PM
If you've never been kicked in the 'nads
by a gang of American lads
You will know how it feels

annetpfeffer
12-16-2012, 12:24 AM
If you've never been kicked in the 'nads
by a gang of American lads
You will know how it feels
As they sneer at your squeals

kenthepen
12-16-2012, 10:08 PM
If you've never been kicked in the 'nads
by a gang of American lads
Then you'll know how it feels
As they sneer at your squeals
And retreat to their squalid home pads.

The sun didn't rise at it ought

flyingtart
12-16-2012, 11:02 PM
The sun didn't rise at it ought
So the morning amounted to nought

annetpfeffer
12-16-2012, 11:31 PM
The sun didn't rise at it ought
So the morning amounted to nought
I woke up at noon

Nymtoc
12-17-2012, 03:53 AM
The sun didn't rise at it ought
So the morning amounted to nought
I woke up at noon
'Neath an ominous moon

kenthepen
12-17-2012, 08:13 AM
The sun didn't rise as it ought
So the morning amounted to nought
i woke up at noon
'Neath an ominous moon
Who gloated o'er slackers he'd caught.

If I diddled the fiddle and leaped

Sir_Nigel
12-17-2012, 12:58 PM
If I diddled the fiddle and leaped
on my short-tempered wife as she slept

flyingtart
12-17-2012, 03:55 PM
If I diddled the fiddle and leaped
on my short-tempered wife as she slept
She'd let out a howl

Nymtoc
12-17-2012, 05:13 PM
If I diddled the fiddle and leaped
on my short-tempered wife as she slept
She'd let out a howl,
Shout something quite foul,

flyingtart
12-17-2012, 05:31 PM
If I diddled the fiddle and leaped
on my short-tempered wife as she slept
She'd let out a howl,
Shout something quite foul,
And make me feel somewhat inept


Don't shoot me, for I'm not to blame

kenthepen
12-17-2012, 05:43 PM
Don't shoot me, for I'm not to blame
For the pigeons all being too tame

annetpfeffer
12-17-2012, 08:45 PM
Don't shoot me, for I'm not to blame
For the pigeons all being too tame
They've sat on my head

kenthepen
12-18-2012, 05:20 AM
Don't shoot me, for I'm not to blame
For the pigeons all being too tame
They've sat on my head
After eating my bread

annetpfeffer
12-18-2012, 06:15 AM
Don't shoot me, for I'm not to blame
For the pigeons all being too tame
They've sat on my head
After eating my bread
Soiled my hair without having to aim.


"Alas and alack" cried the knight

Sir_Nigel
12-18-2012, 12:29 PM
"Alas and alack" cried the knight
My codpiece is rather too tight

Pthom
12-18-2012, 12:37 PM
"Alas and alack" cried the knight
My codpiece is rather too tight
This cheap Chinese Lycra

flyingtart
12-18-2012, 01:26 PM
"Alas and alack" cried the knight
My codpiece is rather too tight
This cheap Chinese Lycra
Makes my goollies micra

Nymtoc
12-18-2012, 02:13 PM
"Alas and alack" cried the knight
My codpiece is rather too tight
This cheap Chinese Lycra
Makes my goollies micra
And so I'm unable to fight.

The point of my story is this:

flyingtart
12-18-2012, 03:32 PM
The point of my story is this:
More ballroom is certainly bliss

annetpfeffer
12-18-2012, 05:52 PM
The point of my story is this:
More ballroom is certainly bliss
The Viennese waltz

kenthepen
12-18-2012, 06:05 PM
The point of my story is this:
More ballroom is certainly bliss
The Viennese waltz
May be dripping with schmaltz

flyingtart
12-18-2012, 06:14 PM
The point of my story is this:
More ballroom is certainly bliss
The Viennese waltz
May be dripping with schmaltz
(Excuse while I go for a whizz)


Nanette, a stage actor of note

kenthepen
12-18-2012, 06:29 PM
Nanette, a stage actor of note
Once produced a short play that she wrote

annetpfeffer
12-18-2012, 06:33 PM
Nanette, a stage actor of note
Once produced a short play that she wrote
She directed and starred

kenthepen
12-18-2012, 06:36 PM
Nanette, a stage actor of note
Once produced a short play that she wrote
She directed and starred
Then her ego was charred

annetpfeffer
12-18-2012, 07:55 PM
Nanette, a stage actor of note
Once produced a short play that she wrote
She directed and starred
Then her ego was charred
Per the critics: It blew. (Quote unquote.)


"That child is a monster!" she shouted.

donroc
12-18-2012, 09:31 PM
"That child is a monster!" she shouted.
"I am not! I am not!" The two year old pouted.

iLion
12-18-2012, 09:46 PM
"That child is a monster!" she shouted.
"I am not! I am not!" The two year old pouted.
"Then eat all your peas"

flyingtart
12-18-2012, 10:52 PM
"That child is a monster!" she shouted.
"I am not!" The two year old pouted*
"Then eat all your peas
And have some of these"


*snipped to fit better

annetpfeffer
12-19-2012, 12:00 AM
"That child is a monster!" she shouted.
"I am not!" The two year old pouted*
"Then eat all your peas
And have some of these"
Yellow downers the doctor had touted.



The matador flourished his cape

kenthepen
12-19-2012, 12:15 AM
The matador flourished his cape
A bordello-room red velvet drape

annetpfeffer
12-19-2012, 01:50 AM
The matador flourished his cape
A bordello-room red velvet drape
the bull made his charge

flyingtart
12-19-2012, 02:25 AM
The matador flourished his cape
A bordello-room red velvet drape
the bull made his charge
But then spotted Marge

Nymtoc
12-19-2012, 02:38 AM
The matador flourished his cape
A bordello-room red velvet drape
the bull made his charge
But then spotted Marge,
Who smiled and said, "Peel me a grape."

I've stopped writing. Now I'm a clown.

annetpfeffer
12-19-2012, 03:18 AM
I've stopped writing. Now I'm a clown.
I do my best work upside down.

Sir_Nigel
12-19-2012, 12:32 PM
I've stopped writing. Now I'm a clown.
I do my best work upside down.
My shiny red nose

flyingtart
12-19-2012, 05:52 PM
I've stopped writing. Now I'm a clown.
I do my best work upside down.
My shiny red nose
And jocular pose

Nymtoc
12-19-2012, 06:05 PM
I've stopped writing. Now I'm a clown.
I do my best work upside down.
My shiny red nose
And jocular pose
Suit me fine. No more writerly frown!

Matilda got lost in the wood

annetpfeffer
12-19-2012, 06:46 PM
Matilda got lost in the wood
And couldn't get home as she should

flyingtart
12-19-2012, 07:56 PM
Matilda got lost in the wood
And couldn't get home as she should
So she hitched up her skirt

Lavern08
12-19-2012, 08:01 PM
Matilda got lost in the wood
And couldn't get home as she should
So she hitched up her skirt
And filled it with dirt

annetpfeffer
12-19-2012, 08:28 PM
Matilda got lost in the wood
And couldn't get home as she should
So she hitched up her skirt
And filled it with dirt
And took root like a tree where she stood


I don't stand a chance with Bernard

Lavern08
12-19-2012, 08:32 PM
I don't stand a chance with Bernard
He's known as the King of the Yard

iLion
12-19-2012, 09:25 PM
I don't stand a chance with Bernard
He's known as the King of the Yard
Don't stare at his face

kenthepen
12-19-2012, 09:58 PM
I don't stand a chance with Bernard
He's known as the King of the Yard
Don't stare at his face
You'll get slapped into place

archerjoe
12-19-2012, 10:09 PM
I don't stand a chance with Bernard
He's known as the King of the Yard
Don't stare at his face
You'll get slapped into place
He's a tough S.O.B. prison guard

My inlaws are coming to town

kenthepen
12-19-2012, 10:43 PM
My inlaws are coming to town
And my brother-in-law's such a clown

Lavern08
12-19-2012, 11:11 PM
My in-laws are coming to town
And my brother-in-law's such a clown
He always gets drunk

annetpfeffer
12-19-2012, 11:50 PM
My in-laws are coming to town
And my brother-in-law's such a clown
He always gets drunk
then gets into a funk

kenthepen
12-19-2012, 11:55 PM
My in-laws are coming to town
And my brother-in-law's such a clown
He always get drunk
Then gets into a funk
And cries rivers of tears 'til you drown.

Now Anne was a delicate child

strictlytopsecret
12-20-2012, 01:19 AM
Now Anne was a delicate child
So prissy and dainty and mild

Pthom
12-20-2012, 01:20 AM
Now Anne was a delicate child
So prissy and dainty and mild
Her skin was so fair

kenthepen
12-20-2012, 01:28 AM
Now Anne was a delicate child
So prissy and dainty and mild
Her skin was so fair
That it glowed in night air

strictlytopsecret
12-20-2012, 01:46 AM
Now Anne was a delicate child
So prissy and dainty and mild
Her skin was so fair
That it glowed in night air
Her family and friends were beguiled

I heard something up in the attic

annetpfeffer
12-20-2012, 02:58 AM
I heard something up in the attic
That sounded to me problematic

Nymtoc
12-20-2012, 06:43 AM
I heard something up in the attic
That sounded to me problematic
A growl, then a squeal,

flyingtart
12-20-2012, 12:22 PM
I heard something up in the attic
That sounded to me problematic
A growl, then a squeal,
A heart-rending peal

Sir_Nigel
12-20-2012, 12:43 PM
I heard something up in the attic
That sounded to me problematic
A growl, then a squeal,
A heart-rending peal
It’s granny, she’s sadly asthmatic.



She was slowly unwrapping his gift

flyingtart
12-20-2012, 02:34 PM
She was slowly unwrapping his gift
Which was naughty, if you catch my drift

Sir_Nigel
12-20-2012, 03:12 PM
She was slowly unwrapping his gift
Which was naughty, if you catch my drift
In keen expectation

flyingtart
12-20-2012, 04:38 PM
She was slowly unwrapping his gift
Which was naughty, if you catch my drift
In keen expectation
Of some titillation

Sir_Nigel
12-20-2012, 05:44 PM
She was slowly unwrapping his gift
Which was naughty, if you catch my drift
In keen expectation
of some titillation
for it gave ‘em more umph and a lift.


His hall he was decking with holly

Nymtoc
12-20-2012, 05:55 PM
His hall he was decking with holly
Assisted by Lassie, his collie

flyingtart
12-20-2012, 06:20 PM
His hall he was decking with holly
Assisted by Lassie, his collie
But that ungainly mutt

annetpfeffer
12-20-2012, 06:31 PM
His hall he was decking with holly
Assisted by Lassie, his collie
he donned gay apparel

Nymtoc
12-20-2012, 06:40 PM
Double bubble!

His hall he was decking with holly
Assisted by Lassie, his collie
But that ungainly mutt
Behaved like a nut

His hall he was decking with holly
Assisted by Lassie, his collie
he donned gay apparel,
Sang, off-key, a carol

Sir_Nigel
12-20-2012, 07:03 PM
His hall he was decking with holly
Assisted by Lassie, his collie
But that ungainly mutt
Behaved like a nut
He was swapped for a parrot named Polly

His hall he was decking with holly
Assisted by Lassie, his collie
he donned gay apparel,
Sang, off-key, a carol -
completely, it seems, off his trolley


The microwave oven went Bing!

flyingtart
12-20-2012, 07:50 PM
The microwave oven went Bing!
But I just couldn't stomach a thing

kenthepen
12-20-2012, 07:59 PM
The microwave oven went Bing!
but I just couldn't stomach a thing
Macaroni went dry

iLion
12-20-2012, 09:18 PM
The microwave oven went Bing!
but I just couldn't stomach a thing
Macaroni went dry
And then so did I

flyingtart
12-20-2012, 09:22 PM
The microwave oven went Bing!
but I just couldn't stomach a thing
Macaroni went dry
And then so did I
Cos it tasted like barbecued string


I just spent the day baking pies

iLion
12-20-2012, 09:41 PM
I just spent the day baking pies
to throw in the minister's eyes

kenthepen
12-21-2012, 01:23 AM
I just spent the day making pies
To throw in the minister's eyes
To knock loose the log

strictlytopsecret
12-21-2012, 07:10 AM
I just spent the day making pies
To throw in the minister's eyes
To knock loose the log
His eye to unclog

annetpfeffer
12-21-2012, 07:30 AM
I just spent the day making pies
To throw in the minister's eyes
To knock loose the log
His eye to unclog
and thus to prevent his demise.



Down the chimney came Santa with care

flyingtart
12-21-2012, 01:46 PM
Down the chimney came Santa with care
And a whole can of spray in his hair

Nymtoc
12-21-2012, 01:49 PM
Down the chimney came Santa with care
And a whole can of spray in his hair
His beard was sprayed, too,

Sir_Nigel
12-21-2012, 01:52 PM
Down the chimney came Santa with care
And a whole can of spray in his hair
His beard was sprayed, too,
in orange and blue

flyingtart
12-21-2012, 03:34 PM
Down the chimney came Santa with care
And a whole can of spray in his hair
His beard was sprayed, too,
in orange and blue
He does make an entrance with flair


His reindeer were starting to moan

Nymtoc
12-21-2012, 06:53 PM
His reindeer were starting to moan
Because he had left them alone

kenthepen
12-21-2012, 06:59 PM
His reindeer were starting to moan
Because he had left them alone
Their stable was full

Sir_Nigel
12-21-2012, 07:07 PM
His reindeer were starting to moan
Because he had left them alone
Their stable was full
with a large rampant bull

annetpfeffer
12-21-2012, 08:52 PM
His reindeer were starting to moan
Because he had left them alone
Their stable was full
with a large rampant bull
So they found a motel on their own.



So have you been naughty or nice?

iLion
12-21-2012, 09:13 PM
So have you been naughty or nice?
or just nicely naughty, like twice?

flyingtart
12-21-2012, 09:13 PM
So have you been naughty or nice?
or just nicely naughty, like twice?
To make Santa's list

Nymtoc
12-21-2012, 09:14 PM
So have you been naughty or nice?
Somewhere in between won't suffice
Did you tell a white lie?

annetpfeffer
12-21-2012, 09:27 PM
So have you been naughty or nice?
or just nicely naughty, like twice?
To make Santa's list
Make sure you have kissed




So have you been naughty or nice?
Somewhere in between won't suffice
Did you tell a white lie?
Or make someone cry?

strictlytopsecret
12-22-2012, 12:28 AM
So have you been naughty or nice?
or just nicely naughty, like twice?
To make Santa's list
Make sure you have kissed
Your loved ones beneath eldelweiss

So have you been naughty or nice?
Somewhere in between won't suffice
Did you tell a white lie?
Or make someone cry?
Or some other top secret vice?

The highway's shut down due to snow

flyingtart
12-22-2012, 12:49 AM
The highway's shut down due to snow
So now there's nowhere you can go

kenthepen
12-22-2012, 01:08 AM
The highway's shut down due to snow
So now there's nowhere you can go
Just get drunk by the fire

Nymtoc
12-22-2012, 01:41 AM
The highway's shut down due to snow
So now there's nowhere you can go
Just get drunk by the fire
And strum your old lyre

annetpfeffer
12-22-2012, 03:27 AM
The highway's shut down due to snow
So now there's nowhere you can go
Just get drunk by the fire
And strum your old lyre
Cozy down with your favorite beau.


The best drink of all is champagne

flyingtart
12-22-2012, 12:50 PM
The best drink of all is champagne
But drinking a lot is insane

Nymtoc
12-22-2012, 02:16 PM
The best drink of all is champagne
But drinking a lot is insane
So when the cork pops

kenthepen
12-22-2012, 08:05 PM
The best drink of all is champagne
But drinking a lot is insane
So when the cork pops
Don't pull out all the stops

flyingtart
12-22-2012, 09:19 PM
The best drink of all is champagne
But drinking a lot is insane
So when the cork pops
Don't pull out all the stops
And pour all that's left down the drain


While out carol singing last night

Nymtoc
12-22-2012, 09:34 PM
While out carol singing last night
The singers got into a fight

strictlytopsecret
12-22-2012, 10:14 PM
While out carol singing last night
The singers got into a fight
Some dolt called a cop

annetpfeffer
12-22-2012, 11:00 PM
While out carol singing last night
The singers got into a fight
Some dolt called a cop
But they wouldn't stop

Matera the Mad
12-23-2012, 08:50 AM
While out carol singing last night
The singers got into a fight
Some dolt called a cop
But they wouldn't stop
'Til Christmas morn came with full light!

Poor Santa; his sleigh broke a strut

Nymtoc
12-23-2012, 10:29 AM
Poor Santa; his sleigh broke a strut
And Santa fell out, on his butt

kenthepen
12-23-2012, 06:53 PM
Poor Santa; his sleigh broke a strut
And Santa fell out, on his butt
Through stifled 'deer laughter

Nymtoc
12-23-2012, 09:06 PM
Poor Santa; his sleigh broke a strut
And Santa fell out, on his butt
Through stifled 'deer laughter
The toys all came after

flyingtart
12-23-2012, 09:23 PM
Poor Santa; his sleigh broke a strut
And Santa fell out, on his butt
Through stifled 'deer laughter
The toys all came after
So sorry, but Christmas is shut


He roasted his nuts by the fire

annetpfeffer
12-23-2012, 09:25 PM
Poor Santa; his sleigh broke a strut
And Santa fell out, on his butt
Through stifled 'deer laughter
The toys all came after
And Christmas was late but so what?


I told you I'd give you my answer

Nymtoc
12-24-2012, 12:59 AM
I told you I'd give you my answer
When you learned how to be a good dancer

annetpfeffer
12-24-2012, 01:36 AM
We have to do Flying Tart's too...


He roasted his nuts by the fire
But a problem arose that was dire



I told you I'd give you my answer
When you learned how to be a good dancer
Your frame is the pits

archerjoe
12-24-2012, 06:25 AM
He roasted his nuts by the fire
But a problem arose that was dire
His silk underwear


I told you I'd give you my answer
When you learned how to be a good dancer
Your frame is the pits
Your style gives me fits

kenthepen
12-24-2012, 06:43 AM
(catch-up)

He roasted his nuts by the fire
But a problem arose that was dire
His silk underwear
Burned and stuck to the chair

Matera the Mad
12-24-2012, 06:46 AM
He roasted his nuts by the fire
But a problem arose that was dire
His silk underwear
Burned and stuck to the chair
And he almost lost IT in a pyre! :eek:

The stress of this holiday season

annetpfeffer
12-24-2012, 08:25 AM
More catch up....

I told you I'd give you my answer
When you learned how to be a good dancer
Your frame is the pits
Your style gives me fits
You need a dance styling enhancer.



The stress of this holiday season
Is not turning out to be pleasin'

kenthepen
12-24-2012, 10:18 AM
The stress of this holiday season
Is not turning out to be pleasin'
If my heart won't stop thumping

flyingtart
12-24-2012, 02:02 PM
The stress of this holiday season
Is not turning out to be pleasin'
If my heart won't stop thumping
I'm going to start grumping

Nymtoc
12-24-2012, 04:39 PM
The stress of this holiday season
Is not turning out to be pleasin'
If my heart won't stop thumping
I'm going to start grumping
Though some folks might tell me, "That's treason!"

The family's arriving today

annetpfeffer
12-24-2012, 05:24 PM
The family's arriving today
I'll keep all the in-laws at bay

flyingtart
12-24-2012, 05:39 PM
The family's arriving today
I'll keep all the in-laws at bay
They're best behind bars

annetpfeffer
12-24-2012, 07:45 PM
The family's arriving today
I'll keep all the in-laws at bay
They're best behind bars
or stationed on Mars

archerjoe
12-24-2012, 07:53 PM
The family's arriving today
I'll keep all the in-laws at bay
They're best behind bars
or stationed on Mars
Or preferably farther away

My neighbors went nuts with their lights

annetpfeffer
12-24-2012, 08:03 PM
My neighbors went nuts with their lights
It's one of the gaudier sights

flyingtart
12-24-2012, 08:27 PM
My neighbors went nuts with their lights
It's one of the gaudier sights
And passing space craft

annetpfeffer
12-24-2012, 08:40 PM
My neighbors went nuts with their lights
It's one of the gaudier sights
And passing space craft
Thought "Those folks are daft"

Nymtoc
12-24-2012, 10:36 PM
My neighbors went nuts with their lights
It's one of the gaudier sights
And passing space craft
Thought "Those folks are daft"
And steered clear of Earth in their flights.

The gifts are arranged 'neath the tree

flyingtart
12-25-2012, 12:31 AM
The gifts are arranged 'neath the tree
But not one intended for me

annetpfeffer
12-25-2012, 02:10 AM
The gifts are arranged 'neath the tree
But not one intended for me
I thought I'd been nice

archerjoe
12-25-2012, 02:15 AM
The gifts are arranged 'neath the tree
But not one intended for me
I thought I'd been nice
I should have thought twice

StephanieFox
12-25-2012, 03:13 AM
The gifts are arranged 'neath the tree
But not one intended for me
I thought I'd been nice
I should have thought twice
Now I'm deep in my Christmas ennui.



I'm so glad that seasonal songs

annetpfeffer
12-25-2012, 04:56 AM
I'm so glad that seasonal songs
come just at the time when one longs

Matera the Mad
12-25-2012, 05:25 AM
I'm so glad that seasonal songs
come just at the time when one longs
for nostalgia and such

annetpfeffer
12-25-2012, 09:22 AM
I'm so glad that seasonal songs
come just at the time when one longs
for nostalgia and such,
a beloved's sweet touch,

flyingtart
12-25-2012, 02:01 PM
I'm so glad that seasonal songs
come just at the time when one longs
for nostalgia and such,
a beloved's sweet touch,
And some gold plated ermine lined thongs


His seasonal gift was quite fruity

Nymtoc
12-25-2012, 02:51 PM
His seasonal gift was quite fruity,
Ten sugar plums and a Rome beauty

annetpfeffer
12-25-2012, 10:35 PM
His seasonal gift was quite fruity,
Ten sugar plums and a Rome beauty
She said "Lover dear"

flyingtart
12-25-2012, 10:53 PM
His seasonal gift was quite fruity,
Ten sugar plums and a Rome beauty
She said "Lover dear,
A word in your ear

Nymtoc
12-25-2012, 11:09 PM
His seasonal gift was quite fruity,
Ten sugar plums and a Rome beauty
She said "Lover dear,
A word in your ear
I'd rather have glittery booty."

"So take back your present," she said

annetpfeffer
12-25-2012, 11:49 PM
"So take back your present," she said
And threw a sweet plum at his head

flyingtart
12-25-2012, 11:58 PM
"So take back your present," she said
And threw a sweet plum at his head
But sadly she missed

annetpfeffer
12-26-2012, 01:12 AM
"So take back your present," she said
And threw a sweet plum at his head
But sadly she missed
And then she got kissed

Nymtoc
12-26-2012, 01:53 AM
"So take back your present," she said
And threw a sweet plum at his head
But sadly she missed
And then she got kissed
And said, "Mmm, guess I'll take this instead."

The children have broken their toys

annetpfeffer
12-26-2012, 02:55 AM
The children have broken their toys.
Thank the Lord, cuz they made so much noise.

flyingtart
12-26-2012, 06:32 PM
The children have broken their toys.
Thank the Lord, cuz they made so much noise.
But who would have thought

Nymtoc
12-26-2012, 06:43 PM
The children have broken their toys.
Thank the Lord, cuz they made so much noise.
But who would have thought
The damage they wrought

annetpfeffer
12-26-2012, 09:32 PM
The children have broken their toys.
Thank the Lord, cuz they made so much noise.
But who would have thought
The damage they wrought
was the sort that one rather enjoys.


An eye for an eye -- so they say

kenthepen
12-26-2012, 11:02 PM
An eye for an eye-- so they say
Does that mean every winker must pay?

Nymtoc
12-26-2012, 11:34 PM
An eye for an eye-- so they say
Does that mean every winker must pay?
And fellows who peep?

kenthepen
12-27-2012, 12:58 AM
An eye for an eye-- so they say
Does that mean every winker must pay?
And fellows who peep?
And those counting sheep?

annetpfeffer
12-27-2012, 02:59 AM
An eye for an eye-- so they say
Does that mean every winker must pay?
And fellows who peep?
And those counting sheep?
Any guy who is tempted to stray!



Don't mess with a woman who's scorned

Nymtoc
12-27-2012, 03:35 AM
Don't mess with a woman who's scorned
She knows many tricks. Now you've been warned

kenthepen
12-27-2012, 05:07 AM
Don't mess with a woman who's scorned
She knows many tricks. Now you've been warned
To steer clear of ground zero

Pthom
12-27-2012, 06:06 AM
The following needed some meter adjustments. :)

Don't mess with a woman who's scorned
She knows many tricks: you've been warned
Steer clear of ground zero
Buy jewels; be a hero!

annetpfeffer
12-27-2012, 09:50 AM
Don't mess with a woman who's scorned
She knows many tricks: you've been warned
Steer clear of ground zero
Buy jewels; be a hero
Or you'll wish that you'd never been borned!


The Lady Godiva went riding

flyingtart
12-27-2012, 12:31 PM
The Lady Godiva went riding
Then stopped for a pee in a siding

Nymtoc
12-27-2012, 01:02 PM
The Lady Godiva went riding
Then stopped for a pee in a siding
The villagers grinned

annetpfeffer
12-27-2012, 06:22 PM
The Lady Godiva went riding
Then stopped for a pee in a siding
The villagers grinned
To see she had sinned

flyingtart
12-27-2012, 06:25 PM
The Lady Godiva went riding
Then stopped for a pee in a siding
The villagers grinned
To see she had sinned
And gave the old bag a good hiding


A vicar who hailed from Nantucket

Nymtoc
12-27-2012, 06:30 PM
A vicar who hailed from Nantucket
Used to dig up an onion and suck it

kenthepen
12-27-2012, 07:29 PM
A vicar who hailed from Nantucket
Used to dig up an onion and suck it
"You should try it!" he'd shout

annetpfeffer
12-27-2012, 07:44 PM
A vicar who hailed from Nantucket
Used to dig up an onion and suck it
"You should try it!" he'd shout
But his breath knocked them out

flyingtart
12-27-2012, 08:03 PM
A vicar who hailed from Nantucket
Used to dig up an onion and suck it
"You should try it!" he'd shout
But his breath knocked them out
So he swilled some mouthwash from a bucket


Don't ever foxtrot with a yak

annetpfeffer
12-27-2012, 08:13 PM
Don't ever foxtrot with a yak
You'd probably put out your back

kenthepen
12-27-2012, 08:21 PM
Don't ever foxtrot with a yak
You'd probably put out your back
He'll step on your toes

flyingtart
12-27-2012, 09:05 PM
Don't ever foxtrot with a yak
You'd probably put out your back
He'll step on your toes,
Wrinkle your clothes

Lavern08
12-27-2012, 09:28 PM
Don't ever foxtrot with a yak
You'd probably put out your back
He'll step on your toes,
Wrinkle your clothes
Then try to get you in the sack

I'm planning a big New Year's bash

iLion
12-27-2012, 09:37 PM
I'm planning a big New Year's bash
With plenty of booze and good hash.

annetpfeffer
12-27-2012, 10:23 PM
I'm planning a big New Year's bash
With plenty of booze and good hash.
I'll start out the year

flyingtart
12-27-2012, 10:33 PM
I'm planning a big New Year's bash
With plenty of booze and good hash.
I'll start out the year
Filled with good cheer

annetpfeffer
12-27-2012, 10:39 PM
I'm planning a big New Year's bash
With plenty of booze and good hash.
I'll start out the year
Filled with good cheer
But low on essentials like cash.


I've made all my new resolutions

Pthom
12-27-2012, 11:36 PM
I've made all my new resolutions
For the year (and some absolutions)

Nymtoc
12-27-2012, 11:38 PM
I've made all my new resolutions
For the year (and some absolutions)
To start, I'll lose weight

annetpfeffer
12-27-2012, 11:52 PM
I've made all my new resolutions
For the year (and some absolutions)
To start, I'll lose weight
And then I'll look great

flyingtart
12-28-2012, 12:01 AM
I've made all my new resolutions
For the year (and some absolutions)
To start, I'll lose weight
And then I'll look great
But my boobs really need substitutions


Don't tell me, I've heard it before

Nymtoc
12-28-2012, 12:13 AM
Don't tell me, I've heard it before
You're an escort, not really a whore

annetpfeffer
12-28-2012, 01:33 AM
Don't tell me, I've heard it before
You're an escort, not really a whore
All that bling that you wear

kenthepen
12-28-2012, 04:02 AM
Don't tell me, I've heard it before
You're an escort, not really a whore
All that bling that you wear
fam'ly heirlooms, you swear

annetpfeffer
12-28-2012, 07:06 AM
Don't tell me, I've heard it before
You're an escort, not really a whore
All that bling that you wear
fam'ly heirlooms, you swear
No one told you, I guess, less is more?


The dachshund's the noblest of breeds

flyingtart
12-28-2012, 01:53 PM
The dachshund's the noblest of breeds
It sticks out a paw when it feeds

annetpfeffer
12-28-2012, 02:29 PM
The dachshund's the noblest of breeds
It sticks out a paw when it feeds
He's smarter than you

kenthepen
12-28-2012, 05:10 PM
The dachshund's the noblest of breeds
It sticks out a paw when it feeds
He's smarter than you
More affectionate, too

Nymtoc
12-28-2012, 05:59 PM
The dachshund's the noblest of breeds
It sticks out a paw when it feeds
He's smarter than you
More affectionate, too,
Not to mention the books that he reads.

An asteroid fell from the sky

flyingtart
12-28-2012, 06:05 PM
An asteroid fell from the sky
The eggheads were wondering why

iLion
12-28-2012, 09:11 PM
An asteroid fell from the sky;
The eggheads were wondering why.
But they never asked me

annetpfeffer
12-28-2012, 09:45 PM
An asteroid fell from the sky;
The eggheads were wondering why.
But they never asked me.
If they had unmasked me,

iLion
12-28-2012, 09:59 PM
An asteroid fell from the sky;
The eggheads were wondering why.
But they never asked me.
If they had unmasked me,
I might have made up a lie.

That pie was the best that I've had

annetpfeffer
12-29-2012, 09:03 AM
That pie was the best that I've had
And I've had a lot, I might add,

Nymtoc
12-29-2012, 04:38 PM
That pie was the best that I've had
And I've had a lot, I might add,
From apple to quince

annetpfeffer
12-29-2012, 06:12 PM
That pie was the best that I've had
And I've had a lot, I might add,
From apple to quince
But what makes me wince

kenthepen
12-29-2012, 07:08 PM
That pie was the best that I've had
And I've had a lot, I might add,
From apple to quince
But what makes me wince
Is when crust is decidedly bad.

An elephant may not forget

Nymtoc
12-29-2012, 07:27 PM
An elephant may not forget
Buty you'll forget, won't you, my pet?

annetpfeffer
12-29-2012, 07:30 PM
An elephant may not forget
But you'll forget, won't you, my pet?
I gave you my love

kenthepen
12-29-2012, 08:55 PM
An elephant may not forget
But you'll forget, won't you, my pet?
I gave you my love
You gave me a shove

Nymtoc
12-29-2012, 09:44 PM
An elephant may not forget
But you'll forget, won't you, my pet?
I gave you my love
You gave me a shove
That's something you'll learn to regret.

The meaning of life is obscure

flyingtart
12-29-2012, 09:48 PM
The meaning of life is obscure
It stinks like well rotted manure

annetpfeffer
12-29-2012, 10:10 PM
The meaning of life is obscure
It stinks like well rotted manure
Life sucks, then you die

Nymtoc
12-30-2012, 12:23 AM
The meaning of life is obscure
It stinks like well rotted manure
Life sucks, then you die
You never know why

annetpfeffer
12-30-2012, 12:55 AM
The meaning of life is obscure
It stinks like well rotted manure
Life sucks, then you die
You never know why
Therefore, when in doubt, we insure.


That gloomy, impossible guy

Pthom
12-30-2012, 02:59 AM
That gloomy, impossible guy
Has stuff that he wants you to buy

kenthepen
12-30-2012, 09:04 AM
That gloomy, impossible guy
Has stuff that he wants you to buy
He's got eight lines of bull

Nymtoc
12-30-2012, 06:52 PM
That gloomy, impossible guy
Has stuff that he wants you to buy
He's got eight lines of bull
He'd like to pull wool

annetpfeffer
12-30-2012, 09:22 PM
That gloomy, impossible guy
Has stuff that he wants you to buy
He's got eight lines of bull
He'd like to pull wool
I can't end this rhyme but I'll try!



On Friday I went to a rave

Lavern08
12-30-2012, 11:08 PM
On Friday I went to a rave
And spent the night in a cold cave

kenthepen
12-31-2012, 12:18 AM
On Friday I went to a rave
And spent the night in a cold cave
My ecstasy sputtered

annetpfeffer
12-31-2012, 03:48 AM
On Friday I went to a rave
And spent the night in a cold cave
My ecstasy sputtered
I frantically muttered

Pthom
12-31-2012, 05:14 AM
On Friday I went to a rave
And spent the night in a cold cave
My ecstasy sputtered
I frantically muttered
"I wonder what happened to Dave."

If that to you makes any sense

Nymtoc
12-31-2012, 05:51 AM
If that to you makes any sense
It means you're not totally dense

annetpfeffer
12-31-2012, 05:56 AM
If that to you makes any sense
It means you're not totally dense
For writing a rhyme

Matera the Mad
12-31-2012, 06:51 AM
If that to you makes any sense
It means you're not totally dense
For writing a rhyme
takes so little time

annetpfeffer
12-31-2012, 07:34 AM
If that to you makes any sense
It means you're not totally dense
For writing a rhyme
takes so little time
if you're writing at others' expense.


A rabbit popped out of his hat

Nymtoc
12-31-2012, 09:39 AM
A rabbit popped out of his hat
After that came a vampire bat

annetpfeffer
12-31-2012, 11:18 AM
A rabbit popped out of his hat
After that came a vampire bat
This crazy magician

Nymtoc
12-31-2012, 03:05 PM
A rabbit popped out of his hat
After that came a vampire bat
This crazy magician
Is under suspicion

flyingtart
12-31-2012, 04:57 PM
A rabbit popped out of his hat
After that came a vampire bat
This crazy magician
Is under suspicion
Since he drained all the blood from a cat

A power-mad harpy from York

kenthepen
12-31-2012, 05:09 PM
A power-mad harpy from York
Trapped her foe in a bottle with cork

annetpfeffer
12-31-2012, 06:27 PM
A power-mad harpy from York
Trapped her foe in a bottle with cork
Tossed it far out to sea

flyingtart
12-31-2012, 08:52 PM
A power-mad harpy from York
Trapped her foe in a bottle with cork
Tossed it far out to sea
Where it broke, happily

iLion
12-31-2012, 09:32 PM
A power-mad harpy from York
Trapped her foe in a bottle with cork
Tossed it far out to sea
Where it broke, happily
And the harpy from York is a dork.


Turn your head, said the doc, and then cough

flyingtart
12-31-2012, 10:42 PM
Turn your head, said the doc, and then cough
So he turned it, but not near enough

annetpfeffer
01-01-2013, 01:09 AM
Turn your head, said the doc, and then cough
So he turned it, but not near enough
Said the doc, "This is grave."

iLion
01-01-2013, 09:59 AM
Turn your head, said the doc, and then cough
So he turned it, but not near enough
Said the doc, "This is grave."
"I'm afraid I can't save"

flyingtart
01-01-2013, 12:39 PM
Turn your head, said the doc, and then cough
So he turned it, but not near enough
Said the doc, "This is grave."
"I'm afraid I can't save"
Which is bad news for one in the buff


I wish you a Happy New Year

annetpfeffer
01-01-2013, 02:00 PM
I wish you a Happy New Year
And let me make something quite clear

Nymtoc
01-01-2013, 03:16 PM
I wish you a Happy New Year
And let me make something quite clear
From now on, you fool,

flyingtart
01-01-2013, 04:42 PM
I wish you a Happy New Year
And let me make something quite clear
From now on, you fool,
You'll stick by the rule

annetpfeffer
01-01-2013, 07:39 PM
I wish you a Happy New Year
And let me make something quite clear
From now on, you fool,
You'll stick by the rule
And stay off your mom's chandelier.



I swear in two thousand thirteen

Nymtoc
01-01-2013, 08:23 PM
I swear in two thousand thirteen
I won't say a word that's unclean

flyingtart
01-01-2013, 08:53 PM
I swear in two thousand thirteen
I won't say a word that's unclean
Except in these rhymes

Nymtoc
01-01-2013, 09:11 PM
I swear in two thousand thirteen
I won't say a word that's unclean
Except in these rhymes
A few thousand times

archerjoe
01-01-2013, 09:43 PM
I swear in two thousand thirteen
I won't say a word that's unclean
Except in these rhymes
A few thousand times
I promise to make it obscene

archerjoe
01-01-2013, 09:45 PM
I emptied four bottles last night

Nymtoc
01-01-2013, 09:54 PM
I emptied four bottles last night
Three liters of gin and a Sprite

annetpfeffer
01-01-2013, 10:42 PM
I emptied four bottles last night
Three liters of gin and a Sprite
My head is confused

flyingtart
01-01-2013, 10:45 PM
I emptied four bottles last night
Three liters of gin and a Sprite
My head is confused
Turned round and contused

annetpfeffer
01-01-2013, 10:59 PM
I emptied four bottles last night
Three liters of gin and a Sprite
My head is confused
Turned round and contused
Yet no one feels bad for my plight.


I saw a giraffe at the zoo.

Nymtoc
01-02-2013, 01:04 AM
I saw a giraffe at the zoo.
He said, "How-de-doo. Who are you?"

annetpfeffer
01-02-2013, 02:29 AM
I saw a giraffe at the zoo.
He said, "How-de-doo. Who are you?"
He was so thin and tall

flyingtart
01-02-2013, 02:29 AM
I saw a giraffe at the zoo.
He said, "How-de-doo. Who are you?"
He was so thin and tall
And had only one ball

Nymtoc
01-02-2013, 04:00 AM
I saw a giraffe at the zoo.
He said, "How-de-doo. Who are you?"
He was so thin and tall
And had only one ball
So I moved on and talked to a gnu.

Each New Year's I throw a big bash

Sir_Nigel
01-02-2013, 12:16 PM
Each New Year's I throw a big bash
where all of the ladies I flash

flyingtart
01-02-2013, 03:17 PM
Each New Year's I throw a big bash
where all of the ladies I flash
It may sound obscene

Jo Zebedee
01-02-2013, 03:47 PM
Each New Year's I throw a big bash
where all of the ladies I flash
It may sound obscene
But they seem quite keen