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annetpfeffer
11-08-2012, 08:24 PM
They went for a stroll on the shore,
The pimp and his classiest whore,
But Sandy got there
and stripped herself bare

woozy
11-08-2012, 09:19 PM
Was that really fair?

They went for a stroll on the shore,
The pimp and his classiest whore,
But Sandy went too
And flooded the slough

They went for a stroll on the shore,
The pimp and his classiest whore,
But Sandy got there
and stripped herself bare
by the time they were done she was sore

iLion
11-08-2012, 09:57 PM
A lady I know at the Ritz

lexiewrites
11-08-2012, 09:58 PM
A lady I know at the Ritz
is bossy and prone to rage fits

iLion
11-08-2012, 10:00 PM
A lady I know at the Ritz
is bossy and prone to rage fits
She yells and she screams

lexiewrites
11-08-2012, 10:03 PM
A lady I know at the Ritz
is bossy and prone to rage fits
She yells and she screams
and spits on my dreams

woozy
11-08-2012, 10:15 PM
A lady I know at the Ritz
is bossy and prone to rage fits
She yells and she screams
and spits on my dreams
and when confronted, she hissies and quits

My time in the army was brief

annetpfeffer
11-09-2012, 01:00 AM
Was that really fair?


Sorry, didn't see Laverne's post...



My time in the Army was brief
However, I kept my belief

woozy
11-09-2012, 04:21 AM
My time in the Army was brief
However, I kept my belief
That the best kind of drills

annetpfeffer
11-09-2012, 11:39 AM
My time in the Army was brief
However, I kept my belief
That the best kind of drills
developed your skills

treetops
11-09-2012, 09:16 PM
My time in the Army was brief
However, I kept my belief
That the best kind of drills
developed your skills
On how to perfectly press a white handkerchief


My belly button started to talk

iLion
11-09-2012, 09:23 PM
My time in the Army was brief
However, I kept my belief
That the best kind of drills
developed your skills
As a killer, but not as a thief.

She certainly stood out in crowds

woozy
11-09-2012, 09:32 PM
My time in the Army was brief
However, I kept my belief
That the best kind of drills
developed your skills
On how to perfectly press a white handkerchief

WAY too many syllables. Try:

in pressing a white handkerchief

Two for the price of one:

My belly button started to talk
It told me just whom I should stalk


She certainly stood out in crowds
covered completely in shrouds

iLion
11-09-2012, 09:35 PM
My belly button started to talk
It told me just whom I should stalk
It wouldn't shut up


She certainly stood out in crowds
covered completely in shrouds
She sang and she danced

woozy
11-09-2012, 09:39 PM
My belly button started to talk
It told me just whom I should stalk
It wouldn't shut up
So that's why I cut up
The body of Faruza Balk


She certainly stood out in crowds
covered completely in shrouds
She sang and she danced
And pulled down her pants
And took a great piss at the clouds

-----
oh god! I have perfect last lines for both of these...

iLion
11-09-2012, 09:51 PM
My belly button started to talk
It told me just whom I should stalk
It wouldn't shut up
That's why I cut up
His lint for the birds on the walk.


She certainly stood out in crowds
covered completely in shrouds
She sang and she danced
And pulled down her pants
And wiggled her ass till it meowed.

iLion
11-09-2012, 09:55 PM
Some people love dancing at night

treetops
11-09-2012, 10:29 PM
Some people love dancing at night
In clothing so overly tight

Pthom
11-09-2012, 10:42 PM
Some people love dancing at night
In clothing so overly tight
That when they breathe in

woozy
11-09-2012, 10:59 PM
Some people love dancing at night
In clothing so overly tight
That when they breathe in
It's almost a sin

Pthom
11-10-2012, 04:01 AM
Some people love dancing at night
In clothing so overly tight
That when they breathe in
It's almost a sin
To see dangly bits heave into sight!

It's better to be much less rude

maryceleste
11-10-2012, 04:09 AM
A friend of mine loved to eat cake,
when she chewed her bosom would shake.
But one day her red velvet got mushy,
It was undercooked, runny and squishy

______________
Imagination Tree - Tools for Writers
http://www.imaginationtree.com

archerjoe
11-10-2012, 04:41 AM
What happened here? One line per entry, continue the current limerick following proper limerick form.

It's better to be much less rude
Especially when one is quite nude

annetpfeffer
11-10-2012, 05:03 AM
It's better to be much less rude
Especially when one is quite nude
Cuz when you're undressed

woozy
11-10-2012, 05:13 AM
It's better to be much less rude
Especially when one is quite nude
Cuz when you're undressed
No-one's impressed

annetpfeffer
11-10-2012, 12:07 PM
It's better to be much less rude
Especially when one is quite nude
Cuz when you're undressed
Nobody's impressed
Your privates are better unviewed.




My underwear's awfully tight




Options

Pthom
11-10-2012, 12:15 PM
My underwear's awfully tight
My dog trainer's wonderfully bright

woozy
11-10-2012, 01:01 PM
My underwear's awfully tight
My dog trainer's wonderfully bright
Though my panties are constrictive

archerjoe
11-10-2012, 06:48 PM
My underwear's awfully tight
My dog trainer's wonderfully bright
They're so constrictive*
But thongs are addictive


*original line had 8 beats

annetpfeffer
11-11-2012, 05:26 AM
My underwear's awfully tight
My dog trainer's wonderfully bright
They're so constrictive*
But thongs are addictive
While briefs are a horrible sight



This idiot hasn't a clue

woozy
11-11-2012, 05:28 AM
My underwear's awfully tight
My dog trainer's wonderfully bright
They're so constrictive*
But thongs are addictive
My terrier expresses delight.

*original line had 8 beats

So what? That affects the second and fifth line but not the third.

archerjoe
11-11-2012, 05:49 AM
My underwear's awfully tight
My dog trainer's wonderfully bright
They're so constrictive*
But thongs are addictive
My terrier expresses delight.

*original line had 8 beats

So what? That affects the second and fifth line but not the third.

If the third line has the same number of syllables as the 1st, 2nd and fight, it's not in limerick (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerick_(poetry)) form.

woozy
11-11-2012, 05:58 AM
Okay, didn't know that. I thought of the cadence was varied (the third and seventh beat rather than the second, fifth and eighth are stressed) it was okay. Well Anne beat me to it anyway...

This idiot hasn't a clue
I simply don't know what to do

archerjoe
11-11-2012, 06:11 AM
This idiot hasn't a clue
I simply don't know what to do
I can't find my keys

strictlytopsecret
11-11-2012, 08:54 PM
This idiot hasn't a clue
I simply don't know what to do
I can't find my keys
I've looked in the trees

woozy
11-11-2012, 09:32 PM
This idiot hasn't a clue
I simply don't know what to do
I can't find my keys
I've looked in the trees
and even tried googling too.

I'm up to my ears in boll weevils

archerjoe
11-12-2012, 12:22 AM
I'm up to my ears in boll weevils
These insects are causing upheavals

Pthom
11-12-2012, 03:05 AM
Limerick form:


Five lines.
1st, 2nd and 5th lines must rhyme with each other.
3rd and 4th lines must rhyme with one another.
There is an expected rhythm. Deviating from this rhythm is generally considered poor form (there are a few exceptions).

The expected (basic form) rhythm is as follows:
Dih DUH dih dih DUH dih dih DAH
Dih DUH dih dih DUH dih dih DAH
Dih DUH dih dih DAY
Dih DUH dih dih DAY
Dih DUH dih dih DUH dih dih DAH.Now for those options. You may add syllables in certain places (much as grace notes in music) as long as the expected rhythm isn't disrupted. (In the same way, you may also delete selected syllables.)Think: The limerick you generate has to fit the music, same as the words to the Happy Birthday Song must fit.

Here is one alternate rhythm scheme:
Di dih DUH dih dih DUH dih dih DAH
Di dih DUH dih dih DUH dih dih DAH
Dih DUH dih dih DAY-O
Dih DUH dih dih DAY-O
Dih DUH dih dih DUH dih dih DAH.
Notice that the rhythm of the 5th line doesn't exactly match the 1st and 2nd lines. That's okay because the expected rhythm scheme is preserved. Notice too, that in the 3rd and 4th lines, the rhyming words also have matching "extra syllable" rhythms. It's okay to do that to the 1st, 2nd and 5th lines, as well. (The recent example with "off" as the rhyming word--which I complained about ;)--in effect does this.)

It is when a line added to the limerick in play deviates from these rules that limerick aficionados go berserk.

Let's not have limerick aficionados go berserk. Get rid of Cable, get Direct TV...I mean, let's try to keep in form.
____________________________________________

I'm up to my ears in boll weevils
These insects are causing upheavals
They're eating my cotton

strictlytopsecret
11-12-2012, 03:49 AM
I'm up to my ears in boll weevils
These insects are causing upheavals
They ate all my food

annetpfeffer
11-12-2012, 04:45 AM
I'm up to my ears in boll weevils
These insects are causing upheavals
They're eating my cotton
Because I'd forgotten



I'm up to my ears in boll weevils
These insects are causing upheavals
They ate all my food
How awfully rude

strictlytopsecret
11-12-2012, 05:34 AM
I'm up to my ears in boll weevils
These insects are causing upheavals
They're eating my cotton
Because I'd forgotten
They're filled with unspeakable evils



I'm up to my ears in boll weevils
These insects are causing upheavals
They ate all my food
How awfully rude
They think themselves Evil Knievels


When zombies attacked, we were freaked

Ketzel
11-12-2012, 05:50 AM
When zombies attacked, we were freaked
When werewolves attacked, we were piqued

annetpfeffer
11-12-2012, 06:30 AM
When zombies attacked, we were freaked
When werewolves attacked, we were piqued
When hamsters attacked

Pthom
11-12-2012, 06:31 AM
When zombies attacked, we were freaked
When werewolves attacked, we were piqued
When hamsters attacked
Our egos were cracked

annetpfeffer
11-12-2012, 07:22 AM
When zombies attacked, we were freaked
When werewolves attacked, we were piqued
When hamsters attacked
Our egos were cracked
They terrified us when they squeaked!

The soldiers were terribly brave

woozy
11-12-2012, 08:34 AM
The soldiers were terribly brave
I feel bad that I'm so depraved

annetpfeffer
11-12-2012, 08:31 PM
The soldiers were terribly brave
I feel bad that I'm so depraved
I flipped up my skirts

lexiewrites
11-12-2012, 09:20 PM
The soldiers were terribly brave
I feel bad that I'm so depraved
I flipped up my skirts
'cause I'm one who flirts

strictlytopsecret
11-12-2012, 09:31 PM
The soldiers were terribly brave
I feel bad that I'm so depraved
I flipped up my skirts
'cause I'm one who flirts
Thank goodness they promptly forgave


Today, I was told by a liar

iLion
11-12-2012, 09:48 PM
Today, I was told by a liar
That even my pants were on fire

lexiewrites
11-12-2012, 09:53 PM
Today, I was told by a liar
That even my pants were on fire
I laughed with no care

iLion
11-12-2012, 10:25 PM
Today, I was told by a liar
That even my pants were on fire
I laughed with no care
At my charred underwear

Lavern08
11-13-2012, 12:09 AM
Today, I was told by a liar
That even my pants were on fire
I laughed with no care
At my charred underwear
And wondered when I would expire

I'm so glad it's almost Thanksgiving

strictlytopsecret
11-13-2012, 12:12 AM
I'm so glad it's almost Thanksgiving
For retailers must make a living

Lavern08
11-13-2012, 12:52 AM
I'm so glad it's almost Thanksgiving
For retailers must make a living
The malls are all crazy

annetpfeffer
11-13-2012, 03:34 AM
I'm so glad it's almost Thanksgiving
For retailers must make a living
The malls are all crazy
And I'm feeling lazy

Matera the Mad
11-13-2012, 08:45 AM
I'm so glad it's almost Thanksgiving
For retailers must make a living
The malls are all crazy
And I'm feeling lazy
Besides, I've a cold, and I'm snivving. :(

But really, when Christmas is over

woozy
11-13-2012, 09:04 AM
But really, when Christmas is over
I'll begin my life of a rover

lexiewrites
11-13-2012, 07:06 PM
But really, when Christmas is over
I'll begin my life of a rover
I'll eat from trash cans

Lavern08
11-13-2012, 08:57 PM
But really, when Christmas is over
I'll begin my life of a rover
I'll eat from trash cans
And sleep in old vans

iLion
11-13-2012, 10:12 PM
But really, when Christmas is over
I'll begin my life of a rover
I'll eat from trash cans
And sleep in old vans
And walk around looking for clover.

Big brother is global, I think;

lexiewrites
11-13-2012, 10:24 PM
Big brother is global, I think;
he watches us all said my shrink

strictlytopsecret
11-13-2012, 11:05 PM
Big brother is global, I think;
he watches us all said my shrink
But Doc's a bit odd

iLion
11-13-2012, 11:37 PM
Big brother is global, I think;
he watches us all said my shrink
But Doc's a bit odd
And thinks himself God

strictlytopsecret
11-14-2012, 12:20 AM
Big brother is global, I think;
he watches us all said my shrink
But Doc's a bit odd
And thinks himself God
"You're doomed", said the doc with a wink


They say that my shrink's off her rocker

Pthom
11-14-2012, 05:37 AM
They say that my shrink's off her rocker
She stores paisley skirts in a locker

woozy
11-14-2012, 06:04 AM
They say that my shrink's off her rocker
She stores paisley skirts in a locker
which she keeps under water

strictlytopsecret
11-14-2012, 06:40 AM
They say that my shrink's off her rocker
She stores paisley skirts in a locker
she keeps under water
so clients won't spot 'er

Sir_Nigel
11-14-2012, 02:39 PM
They say that my shrink's off her rocker
She stores paisley skirts in a locker
she keeps under water
so clients won't spot 'er
and celebrates Ongka's Big Moka.


In Papua New Guinea they say

iLion
11-14-2012, 09:32 PM
In Papua New Guinea they say
A fish eats a man every day

strictlytopsecret
11-14-2012, 10:14 PM
In Papua New Guinea they say
A fish eats a man every day
These man-eating fish

lexiewrites
11-14-2012, 10:22 PM
In Papua New Guinea they say
A fish eats a man every day
These man-eating fish
a scorned woman's wish

strictlytopsecret
11-14-2012, 11:54 PM
In Papua New Guinea they say
A fish eats a man every day
These man-eating fish
a scorned woman's wish
her vengeance still eating away

I really must get back to work

Lavern08
11-15-2012, 12:39 AM
I really must get back to work
Although my boss is such a jerk

annetpfeffer
11-15-2012, 04:56 AM
I really must get back to work
Although my boss is such a jerk
I'd be perfectly glad

Pthom
11-15-2012, 09:19 PM
I really must get back to work
Although my boss is such a jerk
I'd be perfectly glad
And possibly bad

strictlytopsecret
11-15-2012, 09:42 PM
I really must get back to work
Although my boss is such a jerk
I'd be perfectly glad
And possibly bad
If I went completely berserk

If I were to go back in time

iLion
11-15-2012, 10:28 PM
If I were to go back in time
Ere Shakespeare made even one rhyme

strictlytopsecret
11-16-2012, 12:15 AM
If I were to go back in time
Ere Shakespeare made even one rhyme
I'd change but ONE thing

flyingtart
11-16-2012, 01:06 AM
If I were to go back in time
Ere Shakespeare made even one rhyme
I'd change but ONE thing
I'd wear lots of bling

annetpfeffer
11-16-2012, 01:25 AM
If I were to go back in time
Ere Shakespeare made even one rhyme
I'd change but ONE thing
I'd wear lots of bling
and look absolutely sublime.


Your secret is safe, friend, with me.

strictlytopsecret
11-16-2012, 01:44 AM
Your secret is safe, friend, with me.
It won't be like last time. You'll see!

annetpfeffer
11-16-2012, 06:25 AM
Your secret is safe, friend, with me.
It won't be like last time. You'll see!
I'll tell not a soul

strictlytopsecret
11-16-2012, 05:42 PM
Your secret is safe, friend, with me.
It won't be like last time. You'll see!
I'll tell not a soul
In part or the whole

Nymtoc
11-16-2012, 06:15 PM
Your secret is safe, friend, with me.
It won't be like last time. You'll see!
I'll tell not a soul
In part or the whole
But I'll charge you a sizeable fee.

It's good that you're learning to fence

Lavern08
11-16-2012, 08:18 PM
It's good that you're learning to fence
But my money's on that guy, Vince

strictlytopsecret
11-16-2012, 09:15 PM
It's good that you're learning to fence
But my money's on that guy, Vince
He's great with a foil

annetpfeffer
11-17-2012, 06:26 PM
It's good that you're learning to fence
But my money's on that guy, Vince
He's great with a foil
But his temper might boil

strictlytopsecret
11-17-2012, 11:14 PM
It's good that you're learning to fence
But my money's on that guy, Vince
He's great with a foil
But his temper might boil
And you'd have no ready defense

When weekends last only two days

annetpfeffer
11-18-2012, 01:10 AM
When weekends last only two days
Pay attention to all of the ways

woozy
11-18-2012, 10:13 AM
When weekends last only two days
Pay attention to all of the ways
That time can be wasted

Pthom
11-18-2012, 01:42 PM
When weekends last only two days
Pay attention to all of the ways
That time can be wasted
Or lives cut and pasted

strictlytopsecret
11-18-2012, 06:17 PM
When weekends last only two days
Pay attention to all of the ways
That time can be wasted
Or lives cut and pasted
Life's not black & white; it's the greys

Alas, the great Twinkie has died

annetpfeffer
11-18-2012, 07:37 PM
Alas, the great Twinkie has died
With Ho-Ho, his friend, by his side

woozy
11-18-2012, 08:46 PM
Alas, the great Twinkie has died
With Ho-Ho, his friend, by his side
The Fruit Pie's no more

strictlytopsecret
11-18-2012, 09:15 PM
Alas, the great Twinkie has died
With Ho-Ho, his friend, by his side
The Fruit Pie's no more
The zingers of yore

woozy
11-18-2012, 10:10 PM
Alas, the great Twinkie has died
With Ho-Ho, his friend, by his side
The Fruit Pie's no more
The zingers of yore
No longer shall grace my inside

Of all the dumb ones one could die

annetpfeffer
11-18-2012, 10:20 PM
Do you mean....

Of all the dumb ways one could die
I did it while learning to fly

strictlytopsecret
11-19-2012, 02:33 AM
Of all the dumb ways one could die
I did it while learning to fly
I'm embarrassed to say

Nymtoc
11-19-2012, 03:10 AM
Of all the dumb ways one could die
I did it while learning to fly
I'm embarrassed to say
I flew the wrong way

StephanieFox
11-19-2012, 05:17 AM
Of all the dumb ways one could die
I did it while learning to fly
I'm embarrassed to say
I flew the wrong way
Toward the earth instead of the sky.

(My 4,001 post!)

I'll call up for take out tonight.

woozy
11-19-2012, 05:28 AM
I'll call up for take out tonight. I'm hoping the piranhas don't bite.

annetpfeffer
11-19-2012, 06:08 AM
I'll call up for take out tonight.
I hope the piranhas don't bite.
When you live in a river

woozy
11-19-2012, 07:09 AM
I'll call up for take out tonight.
I hope the piranhas don't bite.
When you live in a river
You keep plenty of liver

strictlytopsecret
11-19-2012, 07:38 AM
I'll call up for take out tonight.
I hope the piranhas don't bite.
When you live in a river
You keep plenty of liver
Doc Lector's a fine water sprite

There once was a fine forest fairy

StephanieFox
11-19-2012, 09:56 AM
There once was a fine forest fairy
Whose diet was fleisch, not dairy.

woozy
11-19-2012, 11:33 AM
There once was a fine forest fairy
Whose diet was fleisch, not dairy.
Notably anthropophagy,

strictlytopsecret
11-20-2012, 12:11 AM
There once was a fine forest fairy
Whose diet was fleisch, not dairy.
Anthropophagy,note
Gives me a sore throat

annetpfeffer
11-20-2012, 02:52 AM
There once was a fine forest fairy
Whose diet was fleisch, not dairy.
Anthropophagy,note
Gives me a sore throat
And I'm finding this limerick scary.


When confronting a wiseass like you

woozy
11-20-2012, 02:55 AM
Grrrrrr.... I'm not sure that there was anything wrong with "notably anthropophagy"... (and its the fairy and not the narrator doing the anthropophagy...)

woozy
11-20-2012, 02:56 AM
When confronting a wiseass like you
I also know what to do

annetpfeffer
11-20-2012, 03:03 AM
Grrrrrr.... I'm not sure that there was anything wrong with "notably anthropophagy"... (and its the fairy and not the narrator doing the anthropophagy...)


It had eight syllables when it should have had five, and the meter wasn't right. Sorry, but it's true.

annetpfeffer
11-20-2012, 03:06 AM
When confronting a wiseass like you
I also know just what to do
Take duct tape, for starters

strictlytopsecret
11-20-2012, 03:29 AM
When confronting a wiseass like you
I also know just what to do
Take duct tape, for starters
But take heed of martyrs

woozy
11-20-2012, 04:08 AM
It had eight syllables when it should have had five, and the meter wasn't right. Sorry, but it's true.

Then it should have been just "anthropophagy". "anthropophagy note" has six. (Plus it doesn't make any sense...)

woozy
11-20-2012, 04:10 AM
When confronting a wiseass like you
I always know just what to do
Take duct tape, for starters
But take heed of martyrs
And tape them inside of the flue.

I married the Channukah Bunny

archerjoe
11-20-2012, 06:08 AM
I married the Channukah Bunny
The rabbi thought it was quite funny


Regarding limerick form and rhyming, this series of posts were a while ago but sum it up well: http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=5046657&postcount=13265

Here's a brief definition: http://www.bing.com/Dictionary/search?q=define+limerick&qpvt=definition+of+limerick&FORM=DTPDIA

Nymtoc
11-20-2012, 07:35 AM
I married the Channukah Bunny
The rabbi thought it was quite funny
We wed in a hutch

annetpfeffer
11-20-2012, 07:50 AM
Then it should have been just "anthropophagy". "anthropophagy note" has six. (Plus it doesn't make any sense...)


Regarding meter, there are two things that matter:

Number of syllables per line

8 (or 9) in the first, second and fifth lines
5 (or 6) in the third and fourth lines

This is the easiest part. Count the syllables.


The pattern of accented and unaccented syllables within the line
You canít have just any old eight syllables within the line. For perfect meter, your line of poetry has to have the exact pattern, when spoken naturally in English, as the required limerick pattern.

Duh DUH Duh Duh DUH Duh Duh DUH

There was a young woman from Kent.

This is an example of perfect meter because this English sentence has the same natural pattern of accented and unaccented beats that the limerick requires.

Other eight syllable phrases donít work at all.

You dope. Youíve totally screwed up. Itís eight syllables but the meterís off.

In a great many of our limericks, all of us Ė me included Ė write lines where the pattern of accents is somewhat off. But the closer your pattern is to the limerick standard, the better it sounds. The further away it is, the worse it sounds until somebody rewrites it.


Note: It gets really complicated when you consider that different dialects and accents of English put different stresses on words and syllables, so an American and an Englishman could have an argument
about this.

annetpfeffer
11-20-2012, 07:53 AM
I married the Channukah Bunny
The rabbi thought it was quite funny
We wed in a hutch
But fell out of touch

Nymtoc
11-20-2012, 08:01 AM
I married the Channukah Bunny
The rabbi thought it was quite funny
We wed in a hutch
But fell out of touch
When I learned she was after my money.

"She sings like an angel!" they said

strictlytopsecret
11-20-2012, 08:10 AM
Then it should have been just "anthropophagy". "anthropophagy note" has six. (Plus it doesn't make any sense...)

The reason this is not making sense to you is likely that you

(a) overlooked the comma
(b) were assuming that "note" was used as a noun

"Anthropophagy, note" means "Hey, reader, take note! I'm going to say something important about this obscure, virtually unrhymable word. So pay attention to the next line which should contain something explanatory or interesting or relevant about anthropophagy."

strictlytopsecret
11-20-2012, 08:14 AM
"She sings like an angel!" they said
But sadly, it's gone to her head

annetpfeffer
11-20-2012, 08:29 AM
"She sings like an angel!" they said
But sadly, it's gone to her head
She sings like a frog

woozy
11-20-2012, 08:49 AM
"She sings like an angel!" they said
But sadly, it's gone to her head
She sings like a frog
Or a dyslexic dog

Clueless
11-20-2012, 09:05 AM
"She sings like an angel!" they said
But sadly, it's gone to her head
She sings like a frog
Or a dyslexic dog
And I fear she will sing 'till she's dead

I found myself lost in a shop

annetpfeffer
11-20-2012, 09:44 AM
I found myself lost in a shop
And buying things-- I couldn't stop.

woozy
11-20-2012, 12:45 PM
I found myself lost in a shop
And buying things-- I couldn't stop.
An electric squid inker

strictlytopsecret
11-20-2012, 04:15 PM
I found myself lost in a shop
And buying things-- I couldn't stop.
Electric squid inkers,
Books on free thinkers

flyingtart
11-20-2012, 05:06 PM
I found myself lost in a shop
And buying things-- I couldn't stop.
Electric squid inkers,
Books on free thinkers
Will somebody please call a cop?


Don't give me that crap any more

Sir_Nigel
11-20-2012, 05:12 PM
Don't give me that crap any more
Could you please scoop it up off the floor

strictlytopsecret
11-20-2012, 05:27 PM
Don't give me that crap any more
Could you please scoop it up off the floor
The stench is quite foul

Nymtoc
11-20-2012, 05:39 PM
Don't give me that crap any more
Could you please scoop it up off the floor
The stench is quite foul
It makes the dogs growl

annetpfeffer
11-20-2012, 06:00 PM
Don't give me that crap any more
Could you please scoop it up off the floor
The stench is quite foul
It makes the dogs growl
it's impossibly hard to ignore.



And while you are picking it up

Sir_Nigel
11-20-2012, 06:10 PM
And while you are picking it up
Don’t use my best china cup

annetpfeffer
11-20-2012, 06:22 PM
And while you are picking it up
Don’t use my best china cup
You might try a scooper

Sir_Nigel
11-20-2012, 06:33 PM
And while you are picking it up
Don’t use my best china cup
You might try a scooper
for this copious pooper

strictlytopsecret
11-20-2012, 07:01 PM
And while you are picking it up
Don’t use my best china cup
You might try a scooper
for this copious pooper
He's grown now and not just a pup

A cup is a glorious thing

annetpfeffer
11-20-2012, 07:51 PM
A cup is a glorious thing
And not just for storing your bling

woozy
11-20-2012, 08:45 PM
A cup is a glorious thing
And not just for storing your bling
If you fill it with fluid

annetpfeffer
11-20-2012, 10:08 PM
A cup is a glorious thing
And not just for storing your bling
If you fill it with tea
You will soon come to see

strictlytopsecret
11-20-2012, 10:21 PM
A cup is a glorious thing
And not just for storing your bling
If you fill it with tea
You will soon come to see
Inside is a beautiful ring

Today I went down to the sea

Nymtoc
11-20-2012, 11:07 PM
Today I went down to the sea
I saw all the way to Capri

annetpfeffer
11-20-2012, 11:12 PM
Today I went down to the sea
I saw all the way to Capri
I dove in the water

Nymtoc
11-20-2012, 11:20 PM
Today I went down to the sea
I saw all the way to Capri
I dove in the water
And met Neptune's daughter

strictlytopsecret
11-20-2012, 11:36 PM
Today I went down to the sea
I saw all the way to Capri
I dove in the water
And met Neptune's daughter
Rhode's much than myth now to me

This evening is sure to be great

flyingtart
11-21-2012, 12:02 AM
This evening is sure to be great
I'm meeting my boyfriend and eight

strictlytopsecret
11-21-2012, 12:22 AM
This evening is sure to be great
I'm meeting my boyfriend and eight
Ten friends on a quest

annetpfeffer
11-21-2012, 03:00 AM
This evening is sure to be great
I'm meeting my boyfriend at eight
Ten friends on a quest
to locate the best

strictlytopsecret
11-21-2012, 03:52 AM
This evening is sure to be great
I'm meeting my boyfriend and eight
Ten friends on a quest
to locate the best
Locale for our baseball team's fete

A jolly man's come to my door

annetpfeffer
11-21-2012, 04:23 AM
A jolly man's come to my door
I've never observed him before

Nymtoc
11-21-2012, 12:16 PM
A jolly man's come to my door
I've never observed him before
He gave me a grin

annetpfeffer
11-21-2012, 12:18 PM
A jolly man's come to my door
I've never observed him before
He gave me a grin
I let him come in

Sir_Nigel
11-21-2012, 12:27 PM
A jolly man's come to my door
I've never observed him before
He gave me a grin
I let him come in
and now I'm tied up on the floor.


There was a young lady called Blanche

Nymtoc
11-21-2012, 12:43 PM
There was a young lady called Blanche
Who worked at the Pussycat Ranch

annetpfeffer
11-21-2012, 02:00 PM
There was a young lady called Blanche
Who worked at the Pussycat Ranch
She wore a bustier

flyingtart
11-21-2012, 06:34 PM
There was a young lady called Blanche
Who worked at the Pussycat Ranch
She wore a bustier
But nought else, I fear

annetpfeffer
11-21-2012, 09:24 PM
There was a young lady called Blanche
Who worked at the Pussycat Ranch
She wore a bustier
But nought else, I fear,
Save a fig leaf removed from its branch.


You're certainly grumpy today

Pthom
11-21-2012, 11:43 PM
Hey guys 'n' gals.
Y'know, it's fine to correct a line in a limerick if it just doesn't fit meter or rhyme, but it really isn't fine to change a line to make things easier on yourself.

This one is perfectly fine, but somehow didn't survive as it might have done. So allow me to take a stab at it:
A cup is a glorious thing
And not just for storing your bling
If you fill it with fluid
Obtained from a Druid
Why worry about grandma's old ring?The substituted rhyme sure does work, and the original, now, is moot. Yet I fail to see why it was changed.

Now I just looked at the beginning of the next limerick and have to chuckle.

You're certainly grumpy today
It must be I've nothing to say

woozy
11-22-2012, 04:38 AM
Hey guys 'n' gals.
Y'know, it's fine to correct a line in a limerick if it just doesn't fit meter or rhyme, but it really isn't fine to change a line to make things easier on yourself.

Thank you. I thought I had bitched enough over anthropophagy (which could rhyme with "my aunt she be crazhy" or something else).

My feeling is that it's painfull enough having one's line *corrected* for meter or not making a rhyme properly but to have it simply overhauled with something different is just rude. When correcting a line I'd rather people make an effort to keep the intent of original line rather than replace it whole hog.

You're certainly grumpy today
It must be I've nothing to say
For what's the use

annetpfeffer
11-22-2012, 05:04 AM
You're certainly grumpy today
It must be I've nothing to say
For what's the use
Of trying to induce

strictlytopsecret
11-22-2012, 06:40 AM
You're certainly grumpy today
It must be I've nothing to say
For what's the use
Of trying to induce
Straight talk in the midst of the fray

Friend, your pathology's showing

annetpfeffer
11-22-2012, 06:47 AM
Friend, your pathology's showing
Our stress and confusion are growing

woozy
11-22-2012, 08:12 AM
Friend, your pathology's showing
Our stress and confusion are growing
you're totally bonkers

Pthom
11-22-2012, 12:22 PM
Friend, your pathology's showing
Our stress and confusion are growing
You're totally bonkers
(D'you live in Yonkers?)

Sir_Nigel
11-22-2012, 12:30 PM
Friend, your pathology's showing
Our stress and confusion are growing
You're totally bonkers
(D'you live in Yonkers?)
This poem is rubbish, I'm going.


He turned and stormed out of the room

annetpfeffer
11-22-2012, 01:39 PM
He turned and stormed out of the room
and hoped common sense would resume

Nymtoc
11-22-2012, 02:02 PM
He turned and stormed out of the room
and hoped common sense would resume
But to his dismay

annetpfeffer
11-22-2012, 02:07 PM
He turned and stormed out of the room
and hoped common sense would resume
But to his dismay
There wasn't a way

Sir_Nigel
11-22-2012, 03:08 PM
He turned and stormed out of the room
and hoped common sense would resume
But to his dismay
There wasn't a way
And he sensed a chill portent of doom


He claimed he was Jabba the Hut

flyingtart
11-22-2012, 03:38 PM
He claimed he was Jabba the Hut
And fooled all the mouth-breathers, but

Nymtoc
11-22-2012, 04:00 PM
He claimed he was Jabba the Hut
And fooled all the mouth-breathers, but
We saw through his ruse

Sir_Nigel
11-22-2012, 05:10 PM
He claimed he was Jabba the Hut
And fooled all the mouth-breathers, but
We saw through his ruse
He was really Tom Cruise

annetpfeffer
11-22-2012, 05:31 PM
He claimed he was Jabba the Hut
And fooled all the mouth-breathers, but
We saw through his ruse
He was really Tom Cruise
who'd newly developed a gut


A movie star's life is a bitch

flyingtart
11-22-2012, 06:17 PM
A movie star's life is a bitch
Who'd want to be pampered and rich?

woozy
11-22-2012, 09:16 PM
A movie star's life is a bitch
Who'd want to be pampered and rich?
Public adulation

annetpfeffer
11-23-2012, 01:00 AM
A movie star's life is a bitch
Who'd want to be pampered and rich?
Public adulation
The constant temptation

Nymtoc
11-23-2012, 01:22 AM
At the risk of causing another woozy-storm, allow me to point out that "Public adulation" doesn't scan. The reason is that the accent falls on the wrong syllable: When read, the line reads "Pub-LICK adulation." Obviously, no one says, "Pub-LICK." So the line would have been better as something like "Such grand adulation." or "Extreme adulation." However, I'll leave it as it is, in the hope that we don't get another defensive eruption from woozy. ;)

A movie star's life is a bitch
Who'd want to be pampered and rich?
Public adulation
The constant temptation
To win means a life full of kitsch.

The was an old miser named Freddy

flyingtart
11-23-2012, 02:39 AM
There was an old miser named Freddy
Who stuffed all his cash in a teddy

Nymtoc
11-23-2012, 02:56 AM
There was an old miser named Freddy
Who stuffed all his cash in a teddy
"Who'd ever look there?"

strictlytopsecret
11-23-2012, 05:24 AM
There was an old miser named Freddy
Who stuffed all his cash in a teddy
"Who'd ever look there?
It's perfect. I swear!"

Nymtoc
11-23-2012, 05:50 AM
There was an old miser named Freddy
Who stuffed all his cash in a teddy
"Who'd ever look there?
It's perfect. I swear!"
But the cash had been stolen already.

The CEO traveled first-class

strictlytopsecret
11-23-2012, 05:54 AM
There was an old miser named Freddy
Who stuffed all his cash in a teddy
"Who'd ever look there?
It's perfect. I swear!"
But the cash had been stolen already.

The CEO traveled first-class
Alongside the other top brass

annetpfeffer
11-23-2012, 07:20 AM
The CEO traveled first-class
Alongside the other top brass
His bonus was fat

woozy
11-23-2012, 07:54 AM
The CEO traveled first-class
Alongside the other top brass
His bonus was fat
Workers' pensions were flat

strictlytopsecret
11-23-2012, 08:17 AM
The CEO traveled first-class
Alongside the other top brass
His bonus was fat
Workers' pensions were flat
But shareholders gave him a pass

I once met a difficult man

annetpfeffer
11-23-2012, 10:06 AM
I once met a difficult man
I saw him today and I ran

strictlytopsecret
11-23-2012, 10:19 AM
I once met a difficult man
I saw him today and I ran
Pathetic, sad loser

Nymtoc
11-23-2012, 11:49 AM
I once met a difficult man
I saw him today and I ran
Pathetic, sad loser
A wannabe bruiser

Sir_Nigel
11-23-2012, 01:16 PM
I once met a difficult man
I saw him today and I ran
Pathetic, sad loser
A wannabe bruiser
and ruler of all Kyrgyzstan


A baleful Moldovan called Vlad

flyingtart
11-23-2012, 01:36 PM
A baleful Moldovan called Vlad
Was rumoured by some to be mad

Nymtoc
11-23-2012, 02:54 PM
A baleful Moldovan called Vlad
Was rumoured by some to be mad
His foes were not jailed

Sir_Nigel
11-23-2012, 03:22 PM
A baleful Moldovan called Vlad
Was rumoured by some to be mad
His foes were not jailed
but to a door nailed

annetpfeffer
11-23-2012, 04:32 PM
A baleful Moldovan called Vlad
Was rumoured by some to be mad
His foes were not jailed
but to a door nailed
Prognosis for rebels was bad.


The clod didn't RSVP

flyingtart
11-23-2012, 11:07 PM
The clod didn't RSVP
But turned up at seven for tea

annetpfeffer
11-23-2012, 11:22 PM
The clod didn't RSVP
But turned up at seven for tea
I threw him a scone

Nymtoc
11-23-2012, 11:33 PM
The clod didn't RSVP
But turned up at seven for tea
I threw him a scone
And told him, "Begone!"*




*and let's not have a pronunciation controversy here. ;)

strictlytopsecret
11-23-2012, 11:33 PM
The clod didn't RSVP
But turned up at seven for tea
I threw him a scone
if only I'd known

annetpfeffer
11-24-2012, 12:02 AM
The clod didn't RSVP
But turned up at seven for tea
I threw him a scone
if only I'd known
How difficult limericks can be!

So how does one pronounce "scone" anyway? I thought it rhymed with "bone". But there's a faction that rhymes it with "on?"

And while I'm on the subject, how is "bustier" pronounced in the UK?



I'm terribly, terribly sad

strictlytopsecret
11-24-2012, 12:07 AM
Oh cripes. I didn't see someone had posted before me. My bad! So sorry !

BTW, in answer to the question, to my ear, "scone" rhymes with "bone".

And I must be off in space, b/c I thought "bustier" is pronounced along the lines of BOOST- eee- aaa

flyingtart
11-24-2012, 12:12 AM
So how does one pronounce "scone" anyway? I thought it rhymed with "bone". But there's a faction that rhymes it with "on?"

And while I'm on the subject, how is "bustier" pronounced in the UK?

Some rhyme with bone, some rhyme with gone. In Scotland there is a place called Scone that rhymes with June, just to add further confusion.

Bustier = bust - ee - ay

I'm terribly, terribly sad
For Ronald has left me, the cad

woozy
11-24-2012, 12:30 AM
British pronounce scone as "on like a scone". Americans pronounce it like "Every-one must get sconed". Each can intellectually accept that the other side does what they do but deep down they can't really believe it.

And Bustier, as above, is bust-ee-ay.

I'm terribly, terribly sad
For Ronald has left me, the cad
Now it's Bush, his Veep

Pthom
11-24-2012, 01:35 AM
I'm terribly, terribly sad
For Ronald has left me, the cad
Now it's Bush, his VP need the extra syllable here
Let's hope there's not three!

Nymtoc
11-24-2012, 06:44 AM
I'm terribly, terribly sad
For Ronald has left me, the cad
Now it's Bush, his VP need the extra syllable here
Let's hope there's not three!
If there are, I'm prepared to go mad!

My gramp says Dems stole the election

strictlytopsecret
11-24-2012, 07:05 AM
My gramp says Dems stole the election
A failure in cheating detection

Matera the Mad
11-24-2012, 07:07 AM
My gramp says Dems stole the election
A failure in cheating detection
But the voting was fair

Nymtoc
11-24-2012, 07:41 AM
My gramp says Dems stole the election
A failure in cheating detection
But the voting was fair
Even Mitt's perfect hair

strictlytopsecret
11-24-2012, 08:02 AM
My gramp says Dems stole the election
A failure in cheating detection
But the voting was fair
Even Mitt's perfect hair
Could not sway the voters' intention

Sue's determined to make her own art

Nymtoc
11-24-2012, 08:07 AM
Sue's determined to make her own art
She's really incredibly smart

woozy
11-24-2012, 08:29 AM
Sue's determined to make her own art
She's really incredibly smart
Others' art's expensive

flyingtart
11-24-2012, 11:41 AM
Sue's determined to make her own art
She's really incredibly smart
Others' art's expensive
And makes one too pensive

annetpfeffer
11-24-2012, 11:50 AM
Sue's determined to make her own art
She's really incredibly smart
Others' art's expensive
And makes one too pensive
Sue's art is what sets her apart.


Thanksgiving's my favorite meal

Nymtoc
11-24-2012, 11:54 AM
Thanksgiving's my favorite meal
But I reject turkey for veal

woozy
11-24-2012, 01:16 PM
Thanksgiving's my favorite meal
But I reject turkey for veal
baby cows are cute

Nymtoc
11-24-2012, 02:03 PM
Thanksgiving's my favorite meal
But I reject turkey for veal
baby cows are cute *

*The meter problem raises its ugly head again, woozy. Your line reads "Ba-BEE cows are cute." It's been stressed again and again in this thread that METER what counts in a limerick line, not the number of syllables. This one can be corrected by adding a syllable, thus throwing the accent on "cows" instead of "ba-BEE."

Thanksgiving's my favorite meal
But I reject turkey for veal
Baby cows are quite cute
I serve them with fruit

flyingtart
11-24-2012, 02:38 PM
Thanksgiving's my favorite meal
But I reject turkey for veal
Baby cows are quite cute
I serve them with fruit
Washed down with the blood of an eel


That recipe lacked some finesse

annetpfeffer
11-24-2012, 05:54 PM
That recipe lacked some finesse
The thought of it causes distress

strictlytopsecret
11-24-2012, 07:15 PM
That recipe lacked some finesse
The thought of it causes distress
My stomach's still churning

annetpfeffer
11-24-2012, 07:18 PM
That recipe lacked some finesse
The thought of it causes distress
My stomach's still churning
Esophagus burning

woozy
11-24-2012, 10:20 PM
*The meter problem raises its ugly head again, woozy. Your line reads "Ba-BEE cows are cute." It's been stressed again and again in this thread that METER what counts in a limerick line, not the number of syllables. This one can be corrected by adding a syllable, thus throwing the accent on "cows" instead of "ba-BEE."

I read it as "Bay-bee COWS are cute" with a leading note on cute. Took me three readings to realize you use the *end* of the line to get your beats. To my way of thinking a syllable can only throw the accent after itself thus adding "quite" throws the stress onto "cows". "Bay-bee COWS are quite CUTE". Which scans better.

That recipe lacked some finesse
The thought of it causes distress
My stomach's still churning
Esophagus burning
It's sending in code S.O.S

My cat is a feline presumptive

flyingtart
11-24-2012, 10:51 PM
My cat is a feline presumptive
But thankfully not a consumptive

annetpfeffer
11-25-2012, 12:49 AM
My cat is a feline presumptive
But thankfully not a consumptive
I pity the creature

Matera the Mad
11-25-2012, 05:54 AM
My cat is a feline presumptive
But thankfully not a consumptive
I pity the creature
Her only good feature

Nymtoc
11-25-2012, 07:20 AM
My cat is a feline presumptive
But thankfully not a consumptive
I pity the creature
Her only good feature
Is that she's balletically jump-tive,.

My team better win or I'll die

strictlytopsecret
11-25-2012, 07:24 AM
My team better win or I'll die
I've wagered my life. It's no lie!

archerjoe
11-25-2012, 07:31 AM
My team better win or I'll die
I've wagered my life. It's no lie!
The fate of my soul

Nymtoc
11-25-2012, 07:53 AM
My team better win or I'll die
I've wagered my life. It's no lie!
The fate of my soul
Depends on each goal

annetpfeffer
11-25-2012, 08:19 AM
My team better win or I'll die
I've wagered my life. It's no lie!
The fate of my soul
Depends on each goal
We lose -- it's an eye for an eye!


The knight had an elegant steed

woozy
11-25-2012, 08:28 AM
The knight had an elegant steed
And his figure was dashing indeed

strictlytopsecret
11-25-2012, 09:10 AM
The knight had an elegant steed
And his figure was dashing indeed
He came from old money

annetpfeffer
11-25-2012, 10:20 AM
The knight had an elegant steed
And his figure was dashing indeed
He came from old money
But here's what was funny

woozy
11-25-2012, 10:47 AM
The knight had an elegant steed
And his figure was dashing indeed
He came from old money
But here's what was funny
He wore only sequin and bead

A Coke bottle is a terrible lover

Nymtoc
11-25-2012, 12:02 PM
A Coke bottle is a terrible lover -- Same old problem, woozy. This line doesn't scan. Would you do us a huge favor and please not go into defense mode every time one of us points out that you've gone awry in your limerick structure? Thanks awfully! :e2cookie:


A Coke bottle is a bad lover
And so is an old manhole cover

flyingtart
11-25-2012, 12:03 PM
A Coke bottle is a bad* lover
And so is a manhole cover
So take my advice




*better fit

strictlytopsecret
11-25-2012, 07:25 PM
A Coke bottle is a bad* lover
And so is a manhole cover
So take my advice
And don't roll the dice

flyingtart
11-25-2012, 08:18 PM
A Coke bottle is a bad lover
And so is a manhole cover
So take my advice
And don't roll the dice
Just get into bed with your bruvver


If incest is going too far

annetpfeffer
11-25-2012, 08:43 PM
If incest is going too far
Perhaps think of raising the bar

woozy
11-25-2012, 09:58 PM
If incest is going too far
Perhaps think of raising the bar
there are other taboos

archerjoe
11-25-2012, 10:31 PM
If incest is going too far
Perhaps think of raising the bar
there are other taboos
That don't make the news

woozy
11-25-2012, 10:49 PM
If incest is going too far
Perhaps think of raising the bar
there are other taboos
That don't make the news
just try having sex with a car*

*auto-eroticism as it were

I hate every ape that I see

flyingtart
11-25-2012, 10:54 PM
I hate every ape that I see
And I'm sure every ape must hate me

annetpfeffer
11-25-2012, 11:00 PM
I hate every ape that I see
And I'm sure every ape must hate me
But worse than the apes

strictlytopsecret
11-25-2012, 11:25 PM
I hate every ape that I see
And I'm sure every ape must hate me
But worse than the apes
Their video tapes

Pthom
11-25-2012, 11:55 PM
I hate every ape that I see
And I'm sure every ape must hate me
But worse than the apes
Their video tapes
Are so rarely offered for free.

My gal drank ten gallons of tea.

Nymtoc
11-26-2012, 02:11 AM
My gal drank ten gallons of tea.
I said, 'Why? She said, 'Coz it was free'

annetpfeffer
11-26-2012, 02:49 AM
My gal drank ten gallons of tea.
I said, 'Why? She said, 'Coz it was free'
She said, "Where's the loo?"

Nymtoc
11-26-2012, 03:19 AM
My gal drank ten gallons of tea.
I said, 'Why? She said, 'Coz it was free'
She said, "Where's the loo?"
I said, "Thought you knew."

strictlytopsecret
11-26-2012, 03:24 AM
My gal drank ten gallons of tea.
I said, 'Why? She said, 'Coz it was free'
She said, "Where's the loo?"
I said, "Thought you knew."
"Let's find one, dear. I've got to pee!"

A very old man loved to knit

annetpfeffer
11-26-2012, 03:24 AM
My gal drank ten gallons of tea.
I said, 'Why? She said, 'Coz it was free'
She said, "Where's the loo?"
I said, "Thought you knew."
And we went off together to pee.



A dragon with horrible claws

annetpfeffer
11-26-2012, 03:27 AM
Ooops! My bad....

A dragon with horrible claws




A very old man loved to knit
Each night by the fire he'd sit