Limericks Live!

[iLion]

She lives by herself in a tree
Which she climbed when she reached thirty-three
Her bed is a nest
She wears a pink vest,
And she tweets on her phone before tea.

She had the most beautiful knees

[iLion]

*(I think we have a two-fer! )

I'm running away said the cat




She had the most beautiful knees

[iLion]

I'm running away said the cat
'Cause the mouse has stolen my hat



She had the most beautiful knees
And would love you to kiss them and squeeze

[Zeddo]

Deleted

[Zeddo]

I'm running away said the cat
'Cause the mouse has stolen my hat
I'm ashamed to be seen


She had the most beautiful knees
And would love you to kiss them and squeeze
But go further than that

[archerjoe]

I'm running away said the cat
'Cause the mouse has stolen my hat
I'm ashamed to be seen
That mouse is so mean

She had the most beautiful knees
And would love you to kiss them and squeeze
But go further than that
And her boyfriend, Matt

[kenthepen]

I'm running away said the cat
'Cause the mouse has stolen my hat
I'm ashamed to be seen
That mouse is so mean
I'll come back with a big cricket bat.

She had the most beautiful knees
And would love you to kiss them and squeeze
But go further than that
And her boyfriend, Matt
Will toss you out the door with great ease.


As the butterfly landed on grass

[alexaherself]

As the butterfly landed on grass
By the side of the old Khyber Pass

[Nymtoc]

As the butterfly landed on grass
By the side of the old Khyber Pass
That dude, Genghis Khan,

[Zeddo]

Delete

[Zeddo]

As the butterfly landed on grass
By the side of the old Khyber Pass
That dude, Genghis Khan,
Was out mowing his lawn

[Nymtoc]

As the butterfly landed on grass
By the side of the old Khyber Pass
That dude, Genghis Khan,
Was out mowing his lawn
The poor insect died when he passed gas.

"My keyboard is stuck!" cried Ramón

[kenthepen]

"My keyboard is stuck!" cried Ramon
"And I can't get my Musica on!

[Melina]

My keyboard is stuck!" cried Ramon
"And I can't get my Musica on!
Nor can I write prose

[kenthepen]

"My keyboard is stuck!" cried Ramon
"And I can't get my Musica on!
Nor can I write prose
Now my rose is no rose

[Nymtoc]

"My keyboard is stuck!" cried Ramon
"And I can't get my Musica on!
Nor can I write prose
Now my rose is no rose
And my book, with the wind, is all gone.

When Ernie went out for a beer

[kenthepen]

When Ernie went out for a beer
Poor Bert sat at home fraught with fear

[Nymtoc]

When Ernie went out for a beer
Poor Bert sat at home fraught with fear
"He'll find a new pal"

[kenthepen]

When Ernie went out for a beer
Poor Bert sat at home fraught with fear
"He'll find a new pal
And it might be a gal

[Nymtoc]

When Ernie went out for a beer
Poor Bert sat at home fraught with fear
"He'll find a new pal
And it might be a gal
And poor me, I'll be all alone here."

But Oscar told Bert not to fret

[kenthepen]

But Oscar told Bert not to fret
"There's a better guy pal out there yet."

[Nymtoc]

But Oscar told Bert not to fret
"There's a better guy pal out there yet.
So drink Figgy Fizz

[kenthepen]

But Oscar told Bert not to fret
"There's a better guy pal out there yet
So drink Figgy Fizz
And then try not to whizz

[Nymtoc]

But Oscar told Bert not to fret
"There's a better guy pal out there yet
So drink Figgy Fizz
And then try not to whizz
If you do, you'll break out in a sweat."

The windows all glistened with rain

[Lavern08]

The windows all glistened with rain
As Ferdinand dreamed about Spain

[archerjoe]

The windows all glistened with rain
As Ferdinand dreamed about Spain
But as the rhyme goes

[alexaherself]

The windows all glistened with rain
As Ferdinand dreamed about Spain
But as the rhyme goes
And experience shows

[kenthepen]

The windows all glistened with rain
As Ferdinand dreamed about Spain
But as the rhyme goes
And experience shows
In Spain the rain stays on the pane.

The last time I visited France

[Nymtoc]

The last time I visited France
I wandered around in a trance

[Zeddo]

The last time I visited France
I wandered around in a trance
I drank so much red wine

[alexaherself]

The last time I visited France
I wandered around in a trance
I drank so much red wine
I turned into a vine

[BlueCloud]

Now "Grapevine" is more than a dance.

*****

If only I'd not left the bar

[Melina]

If only I'd not left the bar
the world wouldn't seem so bizarre

[alexaherself]

If only I'd not left the bar
the world wouldn't seem so bizarre
But once you've gone dry

[Melina]

If only I'd not left the bar
the world wouldn't seem so bizarre
But once you've gone dry
there's no reason to try

[Zeddo]

If only I'd not left the bar
the world wouldn't seem so bizarre
But once you've gone dry
there's no reason to try
Finding out how you got where you are.

He gets tongue-tied and blushes when kissed

[Melina]

He gets tongue-tied and blushes when kissed
but regrets opportunities missed

[kenthepen]

He gets tongue-tied and blushes when kissed
but regrets opportunities missed
So he slips her tied tongue

[alexaherself]

He gets tongue-tied and blushes when kissed
but regrets opportunities missed
So he slips her tied tongue
Down her throat to her lung

[Meerkat]

He gets tongue-tied and blushes when kissed
but regrets opportunities missed
so he slips her tied tongue
down her throat to her lung
now regrets that mean way she just hissed



It's too early for thinking at work

[alexaherself]

It's too early for thinking at work
For the waitresses at Central Perc

[Lavern08]

It's too early for thinking at work
For the waitresses at Central Perc
They put soap in your latte

[alexaherself]

It's too early for thinking at work
For the waitresses at Central Perc
They put soap in your latte
It's as old as Kawate

[Melina]

It's too early for thinking at work
For the waitresses at Central Perc
They put soap in your latte
It's as old as Kawate
Then they watch you drink up with a smirk



There's a creepy old dude in the basement

[Zeddo]

There's a creepy old dude in the basement
Who says he's a boyfriend replacement

[Lavern08]

There's a creepy old dude in the basement
Who says he's a boyfriend replacement
He watches the telly

[Melina]

There's a creepy old dude in the basement
Who says he's a boyfriend replacement
He watches the telly
Picks lint from his belly

[alexaherself]

There's a creepy old dude in the basement
Who says he's a boyfriend replacement
He watches the telly
Picks lint from his belly
And asks "Did you want some retracement?"




A bather whose clothing was soaked

[kenthepen]

A bather whose clothing was soaked
Quite on purpose to reveal he was yoked

[Melina]

A bather whose clothing was soaked
Quite on purpose to reveal he was yoked
Rather failed to impress

[alexaherself]

A bather whose clothing was soaked
Quite on purpose to reveal he was yoked
Rather failed to impress
But not to undress

[Nymtoc]

A bather whose clothing was soaked
Quite on purpose to reveal he was yoked
Rather failed to impress
But not to undress
And none, reading this, were provoked.

Let's try for a much better verse

[kenthepen]

Let's try for a much better verse
Let our bon mots be poignant and terse

[Nymtoc]

Let's try for a much better verse
Let our bon mots be poignant and terse
Let's aim for true wit

[kenthepen]

Let's try for a much better verse
Let our bon mots be poignant and terse
Let's aim for true wit
Not slapdash bullshit

[Nymtoc]

Let's try for a much better verse
Let our bon mots be poignant and terse
Let's aim for true wit
Not slapdash bullshit
Which makes our lame rhymes even worse.

From now on, we'll write really well

[Zeddo]

From now on, we'll write really well
We'll find elegant rhymes that excel

[alexaherself]

From now on, we'll write really well
We'll find elegant rhymes that excel
Our meter will scan

[kenthepen]

From now on, we'll write really well
We'll find elegant rhymes that excel
Our meter will scan
Anapestic's the plan

[Nymtoc]

From now on, we'll write really well
We'll find elegant rhymes that excel
Our meter will scan
Anapestic's the plan
But a trochee will land you in hell.

When we publish our rhymes to acclaim

[alexaherself]

When we publish our rhymes to acclaim
We never quite think of the fame

[kenthepen]

When we publish our rhymes to acclaim
We never quite think of the fame
Retribution, it seems

[alexaherself]

When we publish our rhymes to acclaim
We never quite think of the fame
Retribution, it seems
Isn't only for dreams

[Nymtoc]

When we publish our rhymes to acclaim
We never quite think of the fame
Retribution, it seems
Isn't only for dreams
We get more than enough in this game.

John Henry set sail with his cat

[Zeddo]

John Henry set sail with his cat
Wearing spats and a captain's cocked hat

[alexaherself]

John Henry set sail with his cat
Wearing spats and a captain's cocked hat
The cat wore them, too

[Zeddo]

John Henry set sail with his cat
Wearing spats and a captain's cocked hat
The cat wore them, too
And so did the crew

[kenthepen]

John Henry set sail with his cat
Wearing spats and a captain's cocked hat
The cat wore them, too
And so did the crew
And together did one entrechat

(risking censure: bad english pronunciation?)

"Apologize NOW!" said the Mod

[Nymtoc]

"Apologize NOW!" said the Mod
"Once again on the rules you have trod!"

[Zeddo]

deleted

[alexaherself]

"Apologize NOW!" said the Mod
"Once again on the rules you have trod!
You ought to know better

[Nymtoc]

"Apologize NOW!" said the Mod
"Once again on the rules you have trod!
You ought to know better
Your dry wit gets wetter!"

[alexaherself]

"Apologize NOW!" said the Mod
"Once again on the rules you have trod!
You ought to know better
Your dry wit gets wetter!
And you know that in this place I'm God."



The nation can breathe easy now,

[kenthepen]

The nation can breathe easy now
Go back to its factory and plow

[alexaherself]

The nation can breathe easy now
Go back to its factory and plow
No need for concern

[Matera the Mad]

The nation can breathe easy now
Go back to its factory and plow
No need for concern
That the Martians will turn

[Nymtoc]

The nation can breathe easy now
Go back to its factory and plow
No need for concern
That the Martians will turn
To invading and steal our know-how.

She sits by the fire and knits

[Zeddo]

She sits by the fire and knits
Lovely things, but the stuff never fits

[kenthepen]

She sits by the fire and knits
Lovely things, but the stuff never fits
The sweaters are tight

[alexaherself]

She sits by the fire and knits
Lovely things, but the stuff never fits
The sweaters are tight
The leggings too white

[kenthepen]

She sits by the fire and knits
Lovely things, but the stuff never fits
The sweater's are tight
The leggings too white
And that dress shows us heaven when she sits

The trumpet has sounded the call

[Zeddo]

The trumpet has sounded the call
And there's lineups outside of the mall

[Nymtoc]

The trumpet has sounded the call
And there's lineups outside of the mall
Quill pens are on sale

[alexaherself]

The trumpet has sounded the call
And there's lineups outside of the mall
Quill pens are on sale
And nothing can fail

[kenthepen]

The trumpet has sounded the call
And there's lineups outside of the mall
Quill pens are on sale
And nothing can fail
To draw porcupine fans most of all

The lemurs are leaping today

[Zeddo]

The lemurs are leaping today
'Cause the pythons are headed their way

[Nymtoc]

The lemurs are leaping today
'Cause the pythons are headed their way
The lemurs' best hope

[kenthepen]

The lemurs are leaping today
'Cause the pythons are headed their way
The lemurs' best hope
Ain't Ali's rope-a-dope

[Nymtoc]

The lemurs are leaping today
'Cause the pythons are headed their way
The lemurs' best hope
Ain't Ali's rope-a-dope
They just run like hell from the squeeze play.

A hermit called Herb had a doll

[Zeddo]

A hermit called Herb had a doll
With gold medals in beach volleyball

[StephanieFox]

A hermit called Herb had a doll
With gold medals in beach volleyball
He was great with his spikes

[kenthepen]

A hermit called Herb had a doll
With gold medals in beach volleyball
He was great with his spikes
Could he withstand her strikes?

[Nymtoc]

A hermit called Herb had a doll
With gold medals in beach volleyball
He was great with his spikes
Could he withstand her strikes?
Sadly, no. But he gave it his all.

Timmy brought his pet cobra to class.

[kenthepen]

Timmy brought his pet cobra to class
In a basket he wove out of grass

[Nymtoc]

Timmy brought his pet cobra to class
In a basket he wove out of grass
The other kids gaped

[Zeddo]

Timmy brought his pet cobra to class
In a basket he wove out of grass
The other kids gaped
When the cobra escaped

[alexaherself]

Timmy brought his pet cobra to class
In a basket he wove out of grass
The other kids gaped
When the cobra escaped
And headed them off at the pass.



The problem with writing is time

[kenthepen]

The problem with writing is time
It takes days to find just the right rhyme

[StephanieFox]

The problem with writing is time
It takes days to find just the right rhyme
But if we get paid

[kenthepen]

The problem with writing is time
It takes days to find just the right rhyme
But if we get paid
Watch the couplets cascade!

[Nymtoc]

The problem with writing is time
It takes days to find just the right rhyme
But if we get paid
Watch the couplets cascade!
We'll be raking in dime after dime.

My muse threw a tantrum and quit

[Zeddo]

My muse threw a tantrum and quit
I've not written a thing since she split

[Melina]

My muse threw a tantrum and quit
I've not written a thing since she split
the disloyal bitch

[alexaherself]

My muse threw a tantrum and quit
I've not written a thing since she split
The disloyal bitch
Will never get rich

[iLion]

My muse threw a tantrum and quit
I've not written a thing since she split
The disloyal bitch
Will never get rich
And now I'm so mad I could spit!


The volley ball women were hits

[Nymtoc]

The volley ball women were hits
We should take them to dine at the Ritz

[Melina]

The volley ball women were hits
We should take them to dine at the Ritz
Their digs were stupendous

[CatherineHall]

The volley ball women were hits
We should take them to dine at the Ritz
Their digs were stupendous
Their sets so tremendous

[talkwrite]

The volley ball women were hits
We should take them to dine at the Ritz
Their digs were stupendous
Their sets so tremendous
Their moves gave poor Prince Harry fits.

The Queen now skydives with her troops

[kenthepen]

The Queen now skydives with her troops
With a swan dive and some loop-the-loops

[alexaherself]

The Queen now skydives with her troops
With a swan dive and some loop-the-loops
The para's all love her

[kenthepen]

The Queen now skydives with her troops
With a swan dive and some loop-the-loops
The para's all love her
And none soar above her

[alexaherself]

The Queen now skydives with her troops
With a swan dive and some loop-the-loops
The para's all love her
And none soar above her
But sometimes an eagle just swoops.



When royalty take to the air

[Zeddo]

When royalty take to the air
They should always have clean underwear

[alexaherself]

When royalty take to the air
They should always have clean underwear
It's all on display

[StephanieFox]

When royalty take to the air
They should always have clean underwear
It's all on display
In an eminent way

[alexaherself]

When royalty take to the air
They should always have clean underwear
It's all on display
In an eminent way
And it isn't just shown for a dare



When the weekend is coming up soon

[Nymtoc]

When the weekend is coming up soon
I'll have time to spend with my baboon

[Zeddo]

When the weekend is coming up soon
I'll have time to spend with my baboon
We'll beat each other's chests

[StephanieFox]

When the weekend is coming up soon
I'll have time to spend with my baboon
We'll beat each other's chests
Wearing puffy down vests

[kenthepen]

When the weekend is coming up soon
I'll have time to spend with my baboon
We'll beat each other's chests
Wearing puffy down vests
We'll drink beer and then howl at the moon

On the lady's wild animal side

[alexaherself]

On the lady's wild animal side
She really has nothing to hide

[kenthepen]

On the lady's wild animal side
She really has nothing to hide
She growls and advances

[Iggy58]

and at times, even prances

[kenthepen]

On the lady's wild animal side
She really has nothing to hide
She growls and advances
And at times, even prances
But she'll rip out your throat if you've lied

In a rigorous list of his faults

[alexaherself]

On the lady's wild animal side
She really has nothing to hide
She growls and advances
And at times, even prances
And there's nothing she hasn't quite tried.



A young lady with candor confessed

[kenthepen]

A young lady with candor confessed
She preferred to play huntress the best

[Nymtoc]

A young lady with candor confessed
She preferred to play huntress the best
With weapon in hand

[Iggy58]

She took over the land

[Albedo of Zero]

A young lady with candor confessed
She preferred to play huntress the best
With weapon in hand
She took over the land
And she did so completely undressed


Her prey played the game with some humor

[kenthepen]

Her prey played the game with some humor
And to counter the odd whispered rumor

[Iggy58]

she proved her prey wrong

[kenthepen]

Her prey played the game with some humor
And to counter the odd whispered rumor
She proved her prey wrong
By inventing a song

[StephanieFox]

Her prey played the game with some humor
And to counter the odd whispered rumor
She proved her prey wrong
By inventing a song
About matchmaking Senator Schumer*

*http://www.nytimes.com/2012/08/18/nyregion/senator-senator-make-me-a-match-for-staff-schumer-is-cupid.html?hpw



Coconut water's the thing

[kenthepen]

Coconut water's the thing
Makes me dizzy and makes my ears ring

[Matera the Mad]

Coconut water's the thing
Makes me dizzy and makes my ears ring
I pierce the old shell

[iLion]

Coconut water's the thing
Makes me dizzy and makes my ears ring
I pierce the old shell
Then suck hard as hell

[Nymtoc]

Coconut water's the thing
Makes me dizzy and makes my ears ring
I pierce the old shell
Then suck hard as hell
Then I run around naked and sing.

Incredibly, some say I'm dumb

[iLion]

Incredibly, some say I'm dumb
So I moon them, but good, with my bum

[Nymtoc]

Incredibly, some say I'm dumb
So I moon them, but good, with my bum
I pull out my smarts

[StephanieFox]

Incredibly, some say I'm dumb
So I moon them, but good, with my bum
I pull out my smarts
And display them to tarts

[kenthepen]

Incredibly, some say I'm dumb
So I moon them, but good, with my bum
I pull out my smarts
And display them to tarts
Just to leave them uncomfortably numb

If ever a girl winked an eye

[Zeddo]

If ever a girl winked an eye
George would leap to her side and say ''Hi!''

[kenthepen]

If ever a girl winked an eye
George would leap to her side and say "Hi!"
He lacked all sense of shame

[Nymtoc]

If ever a girl winked an eye
George would leap to her side and say "Hi!"
He lacked all sense of shame
But his flirting was lame

[kenthepen]

If ever a girl winked an eye
George would leap to her side and say "Hi!"
He lacked all sense of shame
But his flirting was lame
He'd go kissless and always would cry

Her pudding and pie was the best

[StephanieFox]

Her pudding and pie was the best
The recipes stashed in her vest

[Sir_Nigel]

Her pudding and pie was the best
The recipes stashed in her vest
Her Dumpling Surprise

[alexaherself]

Her pudding and pie was the best
The recipes stashed in her vest
Her Dumpling Surprise
Drew everyone's eyes

[Sir_Nigel]

Her pudding and pie was the best
The recipes stashed in her vest
Her Dumpling Surprise
drew everyone's eyes
and she’d give you a bit on request.


They often stopped by for a nibble

[archerjoe]

They often stopped by for a nibble
And always got into a quibble

[Zeddo]

They often stopped by for a nibble
And always got into a quibble
On the best wine or cheese

[iLion]

They often stopped by for a nibble
And always got into a quibble
On the best wine or cheese
And who had the best knees

[StephanieFox]

They often stopped by for a nibble
And always got into a quibble
On the best wine or cheese
And who had the best knees
Or which one had finished the kibble.


The stock market prices were rising

[alexaherself]

The stock market prices were rising
Just like the banks were advising

[talkwrite]

The stock market prices were rising
Just like the banks were advising
It's driven by Facebook

[StephanieFox]

The stock market prices were rising
Just like the banks were advising
It's driven by Facebook
With a really grim outlook

[Iggy58]

The stock market prices were rising
Just like the banks were advising
It's driven by Facebook
With a really grim outlook
So the uptick was really surprising.

My mother was quick to advise

[alexaherself]

My mother was quick to advise
She sure knows her way round the guys

[Zeddo]

My mother was quick to advise
She sure knows her way round the guys
"If they buy you a drink

[Nymtoc]

My mother was quick to advise
She sure knows her way round the guys
"If they buy you a drink
They think they're on the brink

[StephanieFox]

My mother was quick to advise
She sure knows her way round the guys
"If they buy you a drink
They think they're on the brink
But you're safe if you tell them all lies.


I spent all last night in a pub

[Nymtoc]

I spent all last night in a pub
It was quite a notorious club

[Zeddo]

I spent all last night in a pub
It was quite a notorious club
I lost my pants early

[Sir_Nigel]

I spent all last night in a pub
It was quite a notorious club
I lost my pants early
and so did Big Shirley

[Iggy58]

then we finished it off in the tub.

"Obamacare" is controversial

[Nymtoc]

"Obamacare" is controversial
Insurers want health more commercial

[Lavern08]

"Obamacare" is controversial
Insurers want health more commercial
I'll bet you a dolla

[StephanieFox]

"Obamacare" is controversial
Insurers want health more commercial
I'll bet you a dolla
Like the music of Mahler

[Nymtoc]

"Obamacare" is controversial
Insurers want health more commercial
I'll bet you a dolla
Like the music of Mahler
That Romney's new plan is ambrosial

Limericks are so addictive
:Lecture: Time for me to play the Grinch again, kiddies. "Ambrosial" does not rhyme with "controversial" or "commercial." Admittedly, this was a tough one, but at least one rhyme word was available--"inertial." Also, we sometimes make up fake words to get a rhyme: "Some people are going to get cursial." We try our best to write pristine limericks in this hallowed thread. There is nothing personal in this comment. I just go off like this from time to time. :D

Limericks are so addictive
I wish their rules weren't so restrictive

[alexaherself]

Limericks are so addictive
I wish their rules weren't so restrictive
But here's the good news:

[Iggy58]

Limericks are so addictive
I wish their rules weren't so restrictive
But here's the good news:
the rules challenge your muse

[Sir_Nigel]

Limericks are so addictive
I wish their rules weren't so restrictive
But here's the good news:
the rules challenge your muse
So from now on you can just write any old rubbish.


Or maybe we’ll stick to what’s right

[Lavern08]

Or maybe we’ll stick to what’s right
Or Nymtoc, we'll all have to fight

[Zeddo]

Or maybe we’ll stick to what’s right
Or Nymtoc, we'll all have to fight
But our off-kilter rhymes

[Lavern08]

Or maybe we’ll stick to what’s right
Or Nymtoc, we'll all have to fight
But our off-kilter rhymes
Are punishable crimes

[Nymtoc]

Or maybe we’ll stick to what’s right
Or Nymtoc, we'll all have to fight
But our off-kilter rhymes
Are punishable crimes
For a pardon, come see me tonight. ;)

Alas, some have thrown rocks my way

[StephanieFox]

Alas, some have thrown rocks my way
From New Wave to Hardcore Reggae

[Zeddo]

Alas, some have thrown rocks my way
From New Wave to Hardcore Reggae
But I maintain the right

[annetpfeffer]

Alas, some have thrown rocks my way
From New Wave to Hardcore Reggae
But I maintain the right
To play music all night

[kenthepen]

Alas, some have thrown rocks my way
From New Wave to Hardcore Reggae
But I maintain the right
To play music all night
And play Disco without being gay.

Now the singers and songwriters all

[archerjoe]

Now the singers and songwriters all
Contribute to pop music's fall

[annetpfeffer]

Now the singers and songwriters all
Contribute to pop music's fall
Now I prefer indie

[kenthepen]

Now the singers and songwriters all
Contribute to pop music's fall
Now I prefer indie
Commercial's too windy

[Nymtoc]

Now the singers and songwriters all
Contribute to pop music's fall
Now I prefer indie
Commercial's too windy
But that's all you hear at the mall.

There wasn't a cloud in the sky

[Lavern08]

There wasn't a cloud in the sky
When an elephant went floating by

[StephanieFox]

There wasn't a cloud in the sky
When an elephant went floating by
It was bright pink in color

[Nymtoc]

There wasn't a cloud in the sky
When an elephant went floating by
It was bright pink in color
But somehow looked duller

[Zeddo]

There wasn't a cloud in the sky
When an elephant went floating by
It was bright pink in color
But somehow looked duller
I really must ease up on the rye


The buffet sign said "All You Can Eat"

[StephanieFox]

The buffet sign said "All You Can Eat"
With assortments from salty to sweet

[Nymtoc]

The buffet sign said "All You Can Eat"
With assortments from salty to sweet
But once you walked in

[Lavern08]

The buffet sign said "All You Can Eat"
With assortments from salty to sweet
But once you walked in
Your tummy would spin

[alexaherself]

The buffet sign said "All You Can Eat"
With assortments from salty to sweet
But once you walked in
Your tummy would spin:
The "greens" were new cheese and old meat.



The first lines quite often don't scan,

[oneblindmouse]

The first lines quite often don't scan
The rhymes never follow a plan

[kenthepen]

The first lines quite often don't scan
The rhymes never follow a plan
Make it up as you go

[Lavern08]

The first lines quite often don't scan
The rhymes never follow a plan
Make it up as you go
Oneblindmouse was too slow

[Nymtoc]

The first lines quite often don't scan
The rhymes never follow a plan
Make it up as you go
Oneblindmouse was too slow
Just like her, we must catch as catch can.

Now, if we were genuine bards

[alexaherself]

Now, if we were genuine bards,
We'd be writing in gardens and yards,

[kenthepen]

Now, if we were genuine bards,
We'd be writing in gardens and yards
Sipping fragrant merlot

[Zeddo]

Now, if we were genuine bards,
We'd be writing in gardens and yards
Sipping fragrant merlot
Writing each word just so

[alexaherself]

Now, if we were genuine bards,
We'd be writing in gardens and yards
Sipping fragrant merlot
Writing each word just so,
Not just sending out notes via the guards.



If only the snow wouldn't melt

[talkwrite]

If only the snow wouldn't melt
If one more shiver could be felt

[kenthepen]

If only the snow wouldn't melt
If one more shiver could be felt
So delightfully chill

[Nymtoc]

If only the snow wouldn't melt
If one more shiver could be felt
So delightfully chill
It gives me a thrill

[Sir_Nigel]

If only the snow wouldn't melt
If one more shiver could be felt
So delightfully chill
It gives me a thrill
like a cast iron chastity belt.


He never once uttered a word

[StephanieFox]

He never once uttered a word
For he found vocalizing absurd

[alexaherself]

He never once uttered a word
For he found vocalizing absurd
He just stood there, schtum

[kenthepen]

He never once uttered a word
For he found vocalizing absurd
He just stood there, schtum
As if back in the womb

[alexaherself]

He never once uttered a word
For he found vocalizing absurd
He just stood there, schtum
As if back in the womb
Where nothing at all could be heard.



While knitting some clothes for the guys,

[talkwrite]

While knitting some clothes for the guys,
bitter tears would fall from her eyes.

[kenthepen]

While knitting some clothes for the guys,
Bitter tears would fall from her eyes
For she wanted to play

[annetpfeffer]

While knitting some clothes for the guys,
Bitter tears would fall from her eyes
For she wanted to play
Not sit knitting all day

[Sir_Nigel]

While knitting some clothes for the guys,
Bitter tears would fall from her eyes
For she wanted to play
Not sit knitting all day
making snug woolly pants with no flies.


He announced to the world he was celibate

[Zeddo]

He announced to the world he was celibate
But he still liked to raise hell a bit

[archerjoe]

He announced to the world he was celibate
But he still liked to raise hell a bit
His specialty pants

[kenthepen]

He announced to the world he was celibate
But he still liked to raise hell a bit
His specialty pants
Without him could dance

[Zeddo]

He announced to the world he was celibate
But he still liked to raise hell a bit
His specialty pants
Without him could dance
Though some folks said they did smell a bit.


She's so afraid of being alone

[talkwrite]

She's so afraid of being alone
In time her heart could turn to stone

[Matera the Mad]

She's so afraid of being alone
In time her heart could turn to stone
Yet still she might turn

[alexaherself]

She's so afraid of being alone
In time her heart could turn to stone
Yet still she might turn,
With longing, and yearn

[kenthepen]

She's so afraid of being alone
In time her heart could turn to stone
Yet still she might turn,
With longing, and yearn
For a meter to match her heart's own

If the music she heard was not real

[alexaherself]

If the music she heard was not real
It was still somehow quite a good deal

[Zeddo]

If the music she heard was not real
It was still somehow quite a good deal
Without spending a dime

[kenthepen]

If the music she heard was not real
It was still somehow quite a good deal
Without spending a dime
She got music and rhyme

[annetpfeffer]

If the music she heard was not real
It was still somehow quite a good deal
Without spending a dime
She got music and rhyme
For a dollar more she got a meal.


She loved to hear rhythm and blues

[kenthepen]

She loved to hear rhythm and blues
It rattled synapses and thews

[alexaherself]

She loved to hear rhythm and blues
It rattled synapses and thews
She got up to dance

[Sir_Nigel]

She loved to hear rhythm and blues
It rattled synapses and thews
She got up to dance
with a fella called Lance

[alexaherself]

She loved to hear rhythm and blues
It rattled synapses and thews
She got up to dance
with a fella called Lance
In spite of his terrible shoes



The weekend will be here quite soon

[iLion]

The weekend will be here quite soon
I'll dance by the light of the moon

[kenthepen]

The weekend will be here quite soon
I'll dance by the light of the moon
If clouds should occlude

[iLion]

The weekend will be here quite soon
I'll dance by the light of the moon
If clouds should occlude
It won't kill the mood

[talkwrite]

The weekend will be here quite soon
I'll dance by the light of the moon
If clouds should occlude
It won't kill the mood
I'm bursting forth from this cocoon.

Irish lads don't deny a wink

[kenthepen]

Irish lads don't deny a wink
Though it might not achieve what they think

[Matera the Mad]

Irish lads don't deny a wink
Though it might not achieve what they think
A lady has notions

[kenthepen]

Irish lads don't deny a wink
Though it might not achieve what they think
A lady has notions
'Bout ocular motions

[Nymtoc]

Irish lads don't deny a wink
Though it might not achieve what they think
A lady has notions
'Bout ocular motions
And some lim'ricks (like this one) stink.*

When Little Boy Blue blew his horn



*The first line doesn't scan. :D

[kenthepen]

When Little Boy Blue blew his horn
And then hied off to hide in the corn

[StephanieFox]

When Little Boy Blue blew his horn
And then hied off to hide in the corn
But the tall corn betrayed him

[kenthepen]

When Little Boy Blue blew his horn
And then hied off to hide in the corn
But the tall corn betrayed him
Sneaky cows then waylaid him

[Nymtoc]

When Little Boy Blue blew his horn
And then hied off to hide in the corn
But the tall corn betrayed him
Sneaky cows then waylaid him
And chewed his hair till he was shorn.

My grandfather's clock struck thirteen

[alexaherself]

My grandfather's clock struck thirteen
But was never displayed on the screen

[kenthepen]

My grandfather's clock struck thirteen
But was never displayed on the screen
It was analog heaven

[alexaherself]

My grandfather's clock struck thirteen
But was never displayed on the screen
It was analog heaven
At least until seven

[kenthepen]

My grandfather's clock struck thirteen
But was never displayed on the screen
It was analog heaven
At least until seven
Just watch and you'll see what I mean...

I watched and I waited 'til eight

[alexaherself]

I watched and I waited 'til eight
And just when it seemed like too late

[StephanieFox]

I watched and I waited 'til eight
And just when it seemed like too late
Whether evening or morning

[kenthepen]

I watched and I waited 'til eight
And just when it seemed like too late
Whether evening or morning
The clock struck in warning

[Nymtoc]

I watched and I waited 'til eight
And just when it seemed like too late
Whether evening or morning
The clock struck in warning
"Beware! Now's the hour of your fate!"

I ran and hid under the bed

[kenthepen]

I ran and hid under the bed
But the bonging still rang in my head