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iLion
07-03-2012, 08:58 PM
Hot weather brings out all the freaks
And the egg-frying on the ground geeks
They'll eat from the floor
Then want even for more

alexaherself
07-03-2012, 09:56 PM
Hot weather brings out all the freaks
And the egg-frying on the ground geeks
They'll eat from the floor
Then want even for more
While they drip on the sidewalk in cliques



The best thing for drinking is wine

onestepp
07-04-2012, 05:28 AM
The best thing for drinking wine
A wine glass stronger than a stein

Nymtoc
07-04-2012, 10:10 AM
The meter is kind of screwed up here. Let's go back to the original first line and adjust the meter in the second:

The best thing for drinking is wine
In a glass twice as a strong as a stein

alexaherself
07-04-2012, 09:33 PM
The best thing for drinking is wine
In a glass twice as a strong as a stein
Be it red, white or pink

Nymtoc
07-04-2012, 11:45 PM
The best thing for drinking is wine
In a glass twice as strong (http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=3913&page=781#) as a stein
Be it red, white or pink
Always clink while you drink

alexaherself
07-05-2012, 12:11 AM
The best thing for drinking is wine
In a glass twice as strong (http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=3913&page=781#) as a stein
Be it red, white or pink
Always clink while you drink
Both before and after you dine.



Samantha wears very bright tops

Zeddo
07-05-2012, 12:38 AM
Samantha wears very bright tops
And her necklines have scandalous drops

Nymtoc
07-05-2012, 12:43 AM
Samantha wears very bright tops
And her necklines have scandalous drops
No wonder the guys

alexaherself
07-05-2012, 12:45 AM
Samantha wears very bright tops
And her necklines have scandalous drops
No wonder the guys
Don't cover their eyes

Zeddo
07-05-2012, 03:30 AM
Samantha wears very bright tops
And her necklines have scandalous drops
No wonder the guys
Don't cover their eyes
And their wives think of calling the cops.

There's a diner that's famous for fries

Sir_Nigel
07-05-2012, 12:16 PM
There's a diner that's famous for fries
and pickled orang utan eyes

alexaherself
07-05-2012, 03:14 PM
There's a diner that's famous for fries
And pickled orang utan eyes
They'll serve anything there

Nymtoc
07-05-2012, 07:50 PM
There's a diner that's famous for fries
And pickled orang utan eyes
They'll serve anything there
Including eel hair

alexaherself
07-05-2012, 08:10 PM
There's a diner that's famous for fries
And pickled orang utan eyes
They'll serve anything there
Including eel hair
And rat stew and zebra-hoof pies



On the way down to Quito one day

iLion
07-05-2012, 08:36 PM
On the way down to Quito one day
I heard a young man cry "Olé!!"

Lavern08
07-05-2012, 11:08 PM
On the way down to Quito one day
I heard a young man cry "Olé!!"
"I just jumped the fence"

alexaherself
07-05-2012, 11:21 PM
On the way down to Quito one day
I heard a young man cry "Olé!!"
"I just jumped the fence
Which was pretty intense"

Zeddo
07-06-2012, 02:16 AM
On the way down to Quito one day
I heard a young man cry "Olé!!"
"I just jumped the fence
Which was pretty intense
And left some of my parts on display."



Oh, we haven't a cent to our name

Nymtoc
07-06-2012, 02:24 AM
Oh, we haven't a cent to our name
But it's not our fault. They are to blame.

StephanieFox
07-06-2012, 07:47 AM
Oh, we haven't a cent to our name
But it's not our fault. They are to blame.
A modification

Lavern08
07-06-2012, 07:04 PM
Oh, we haven't a cent to our name
But it's not our fault. They are to blame.
A modification
Has ruined this nation

alexaherself
07-06-2012, 08:44 PM
Oh, we haven't a cent to our name
But it's not our fault. They are to blame.
A modification
Has ruined this nation
And others from which they all came.



A dashing young soldier called Jones

Nymtoc
07-06-2012, 10:20 PM
A dashing young soldier called Jones
Had a curious Jones for old crones

alexaherself
07-06-2012, 11:13 PM
A dashing young soldier called Jones
Had a curious Jones for old crones
No "graduate", he

Zeddo
07-07-2012, 02:36 AM
A dashing young soldier called Jones
Had a curious Jones for old crones
No "graduate", he
Liked to sit on their knee

Matera the Mad
07-07-2012, 02:46 AM
A dashing young soldier called Jones
Had a curious Jones for old crones
No "graduate", he
Liked to sit on their knee
And Jones' Jones was replete with old bones.

There was such a dear boy in my garden

alexaherself
07-07-2012, 02:48 AM
There was such a dear boy in my garden
Wearing scent by Elizabeth Arden

Zeddo
07-07-2012, 03:35 AM
There was such a dear boy in my garden
Wearing scent by Elizabeth Arden
And a hat of green felt

Nymtoc
07-07-2012, 04:22 AM
There was such a dear boy in my garden
Wearing scent by Elizabeth Arden (http://www.absolutewrite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=3913&page=782#)
And a hat of green felt
And a judo black belt

kenthepen
07-07-2012, 05:58 AM
There was such a dear boy in my garden
Wearing scent by Elizabeth Arden
And a hat of green felt
And a judo black belt
So polite that he begged my gnome's pardon.

If you answer a personal ad

Zeddo
07-07-2012, 06:20 AM
If you answer a personal ad
You might meet a great guy or a cad

Nymtoc
07-07-2012, 09:19 AM
If you answer a personal ad
You might meet a great guy or a cad
But do it with care

alexaherself
07-07-2012, 03:15 PM
If you answer a personal ad
You might meet a great guy or a cad
But do it with care
Wear slippers of "vair"

Nymtoc
07-08-2012, 03:17 AM
If you answer a personal ad
You might meet a great guy or a cad
But do it with care
Wear slippers of "vair"
And bring Mace, in case things go bad.

This city is hotter than Hell

Zeddo
07-08-2012, 05:47 AM
This city is hotter than Hell
And the AC has conked out as well

alexaherself
07-08-2012, 01:42 PM
This city is hotter than Hell
And the AC has conked out as well
I'm starting to melt

Lavern08
07-09-2012, 12:48 AM
This city is hotter than Hell
And the AC has conked out as well
I'm starting to melt
My hair's turned to felt

alexaherself
07-09-2012, 01:00 AM
This city is hotter than Hell
And the AC has conked out as well
I'm starting to melt
My hair's turned to felt
And my cranium's starting to swell




An elderly statesman once said

Lavern08
07-09-2012, 01:47 AM
An elderly statesman once said
Make sure you don't get caught in bed

alexaherself
07-09-2012, 01:51 AM
An elderly statesman once said
Make sure you don't get caught in bed
With friends of your son

archerjoe
07-09-2012, 02:04 AM
An elderly statesman once said
Make sure you don't get caught in bed
With friends of your son
Or, hell, anyone

Nymtoc
07-09-2012, 02:18 AM
An elderly statesman once said
Make sure you don't get caught in bed
With friends of your son
Or, hell, anyone,
At least no one reading this thread!

She cooed, "Come and see me sometime,"

alexaherself
07-09-2012, 02:32 AM
She cooed, "Come and see me sometime,
You can help me to make it all rhyme"

Zeddo
07-09-2012, 02:42 AM
She cooed, "Come and see me sometime,
You can help me to make it all rhyme"
It's a verse about hogs

Nymtoc
07-09-2012, 02:45 AM
She cooed, "Come and see me sometime,
You can help me to make it all rhyme"
It's a verse about hogs
And lovely stray dogs

alexaherself
07-09-2012, 02:57 AM
She cooed, "Come and see me sometime,
You can help me to make it all rhyme
It's a verse about hogs
And lovely stray dogs
Drinking gin on the rocks with fresh lime."




The minute you call me I'll come

Clueless
07-09-2012, 04:34 AM
The minute you call me I'll come
With many packages of gum

Nymtoc
07-09-2012, 04:49 AM
The meter is faulty in the above post. :D

The minute you call me I'll come
With Spearmint and Juicy Fruit gum

kenthepen
07-09-2012, 06:00 AM
The minute you call me I'll come
With Spearmint and Juicyfruit gum
Which don't make good bubbles

Sir_Nigel
07-09-2012, 11:33 AM
The minute you call me I'll come
With Spearmint and Juicyfruit gum
Which don't make good bubbles
but sooth all your troubles

Nymtoc
07-09-2012, 11:57 AM
The minute you call me I'll come
With Spearmint and Juicyfruit gum
Which don't make good bubbles
but sooth all your troubles
And make you forget your sore bum.

Adele heard a shriek in the night

alexaherself
07-09-2012, 03:46 PM
Adele heard a shriek in the night
It gave her a terrible fright

Nymtoc
07-09-2012, 05:13 PM
Adele heard a shriek in the night
It gave her a terrible fright
She crept out of bed

alexaherself
07-09-2012, 07:08 PM
Adele heard a shriek in the night
It gave her a terrible fright
She crept out of bed
Found three people dead

Lavern08
07-10-2012, 12:06 AM
Adele heard a shriek in the night
It gave her a terrible fright
She crept out of bed
Found three people dead
Then shrugged as she turned out the light.

The bodies turned green and they stank

Zeddo
07-10-2012, 12:21 AM
The bodies turned green and they stank
Which increased the amount that she drank

Nymtoc
07-10-2012, 01:11 AM
The bodies turned green and they stank
Which increased the amount that she drank
But after a week

alexaherself
07-10-2012, 01:37 AM
The bodies turned green and they stank
Which increased the amount that she drank
But after a week
They started to leak

kenthepen
07-10-2012, 03:26 AM
The bodies turned green and they stank
Which increased the amount that she drank
But after a week
They started to leak
And she'd turned into quite a big skank.

Everything Jennifer does

Matera the Mad
07-10-2012, 07:40 AM
Everything Jennifer does
Is ruined by cat fur -- the fuzz

Sir_Nigel
07-10-2012, 12:09 PM
Everything Jennifer does
Is ruined by cat fur -- the fuzz
Her home-produced baking

alexaherself
07-10-2012, 04:00 PM
Everything Jennifer does
Is ruined by cat fur -- the fuzz
Her home-produced baking
Leaves people shaking

Sir_Nigel
07-10-2012, 05:27 PM
Everything Jennifer does
Is ruined by cat fur -- the fuzz
Her home-produced baking
Leaves people shaking
So trim the old pussy sez us



He stood on one leg for a while

Lavern08
07-10-2012, 07:13 PM
He stood on one leg for a while
And flashed his adorable smile

alexaherself
07-10-2012, 07:50 PM
He stood on one leg for a while
And flashed his adorable smile
Then, shifting his weight

Nymtoc
07-10-2012, 09:40 PM
He stood on one leg for a while
And flashed his adorable smile
Then, shifting his weight
To one roller skate

alexaherself
07-10-2012, 09:55 PM
He stood on one leg for a while
And flashed his adorable smile
Then, shifting his weight
To one roller skate
He asked "Isn't everything vile?"



They came up to see us today

Nymtoc
07-10-2012, 11:49 PM
They came up to see us today,
The whole Bolshoi corps de ballet

kenthepen
07-11-2012, 12:05 AM
They came up to see us today
The whole Bolshoi corps de Ballet
With a deft pirouette

Zeddo
07-11-2012, 01:20 AM
They came up to see us today
The whole Bolshoi corps de Ballet
With a deft pirouette
They defected to get

alexaherself
07-11-2012, 01:57 AM
They came up to see us today
The whole Bolshoi corps de Ballet
With a deft pirouette
They defected to get
Their careers in the West under way.




The bridge down the river is wide

Nymtoc
07-11-2012, 03:24 AM
The bridge down the river is wide
But too near the sea at high tide

alexaherself
07-11-2012, 03:40 AM
The bridge down the river is wide
But too near the sea at high tide
It gets pretty wet

iLion
07-11-2012, 08:27 PM
The bridge down the river is wide
But too near the sea at high tide
It gets pretty wet
And people forget

alexaherself
07-11-2012, 08:30 PM
The bridge down the river is wide
But too near the sea at high tide
It gets pretty wet
And people forget
To stay well away from the side.



In Sweden they do what they can

Nymtoc
07-11-2012, 10:30 PM
In Sweden they do what they can
To stay well away from that man

Pthom
07-11-2012, 10:33 PM
In Sweden they do what they can
To stay well away from that man
Who stands on the corner

Zeddo
07-12-2012, 01:15 AM
In Sweden they do what they can
To stay well away from that man
Who stands on the corner
Reading Little Jack Horner

Nymtoc
07-12-2012, 01:30 AM
In Sweden they do what they can
To stay well away from that man
Who stands on the corner
Reading Little Jack Horner
While banging an old frying pan.

In former life I was King Tut

alexaherself
07-12-2012, 02:06 AM
In former life I was King Tut
And after that Lord Falkenbutt

Nymtoc
07-12-2012, 02:11 AM
In former life I was King Tut
And after that Lord Falkenbutt
And also Jeanne d'Arc

alexaherself
07-12-2012, 02:12 AM
In former life I was King Tut
And after that Lord Falkenbutt
And also Jeanne d'Arc
(No walk in the park)

Nymtoc
07-12-2012, 02:29 AM
In former life I was King Tut
And after that Lord Falkenbutt
And also Jeanne d'Arc
(No walk in the park)
And George the Third. I was a nut!

Be careful, my dear, lest you stray

Zeddo
07-12-2012, 02:30 AM
Be careful, my dear, lest you stray
Into times when your virtue gives way

Nymtoc
07-12-2012, 02:34 AM
Jack was vain and had face-lifts each year
His skin was pulled tight to each ear.

kenthepen
07-12-2012, 09:10 AM
Jack was vain and had face-lifts each year
His skin was pulled tight to each ear.
Now his grin is so wide

Nymtoc
07-12-2012, 09:34 AM
Okay, let's do both limericks. Zeddo and I came in neck-and-neck a few posts back, but we're up for a two-fer, aren't we? :D

Jack was vain and had face-lifts each year
His skin was pulled tight to each ear.
Now his grin is so wide
It would scare Mr. Hyde

Be careful, my dear, lest you stray
Into times when your virtue gives way,
For young men, alas,

Zeddo
07-12-2012, 10:32 AM
You betcha! :D

Jack was vain and had face-lifts each year
His skin was pulled tight to each ear.
Now his grin is so wide
It would scare Mr. Hyde
And make Frankenstein stand up and jeer!


Be careful, my dear, lest you stray
Into times when your virtue gives way,
For young men, alas,
After making a pass

Nymtoc
07-12-2012, 10:54 AM
Be careful, my dear, lest you stray
Into times when your virtue gives way,
For young men, alas,
After making a pass
Take your virtue entire. Lackaday!

My dad has an old GTO

Sir_Nigel
07-12-2012, 02:04 PM
My dad has an old GTO
But he drives so exceedingly slow

alexaherself
07-12-2012, 02:07 PM
My dad has an old GTO
But he drives so exceedingly slow
He causes delays

archerjoe
07-12-2012, 06:05 PM
My dad has an old GTO
But he drives so exceedingly slow
He causes delays
On all motorways

alexaherself
07-12-2012, 07:54 PM
My dad has an old GTO
But he drives so exceedingly slow
He causes delays
On all motorways
And that's really no way to go.



My own car is forty years old

iLion
07-12-2012, 08:11 PM
My own car is forty years old
It's worth its own weight now... in gold!

Nymtoc
07-12-2012, 08:21 PM
My own car is forty years old
It's worth its own weight now... in gold!
I wash it each day

iLion
07-12-2012, 08:28 PM
My own car is forty years old
It's worth its own weight now... in gold!
I wash it each day
Then drive it away

Nymtoc
07-12-2012, 08:40 PM
My own car is forty years old
It's worth its own weight now... in gold!
I wash it each day
Then drive it away
Don't ask! It will never be sold.

A daring young damsel was Lily

iLion
07-12-2012, 08:42 PM
A daring young damsel was Lily
Who lived in the nude in South Philly

Zeddo
07-12-2012, 10:03 PM
A daring young damsel was Lily
Who lived in the nude in South Philly
When she went to the mall

Pthom
07-12-2012, 10:41 PM
A daring young damsel was Lily
Who lived in the nude in South Philly
When she went to the mall
(Stark naked, and all!)

alexaherself
07-13-2012, 12:30 AM
A daring young damsel was Lily
Who lived in the nude in South Philly
When she went to the mall
(Stark naked, and all!)
She didn't look slutty - just silly.




Her boyfriend, the dashing young Dave

Zeddo
07-13-2012, 01:20 AM
Her boyfriend, the dashing young Dave
Took Louisa one night to a rave

alexaherself
07-13-2012, 01:22 AM
Her boyfriend, the dashing young Dave
Took Louisa one night to a rave
When Lily found out

Zeddo
07-13-2012, 02:07 AM
Her boyfriend, the dashing young Dave
Took Louisa one night to a rave
When Lily found out
She gave Dave a big clout

Nymtoc
07-13-2012, 02:12 AM
Her boyfriend, the dashing young Dave
Took Louisa one night to a rave
When Lily found out
She gave Dave a big clout
And said, "Maybe now you'll behave!"

Ramona thought she was a star

Zeddo
07-13-2012, 02:24 AM
Ramona thought she was a star
For she tap danced and played steel guitar

Nymtoc
07-13-2012, 03:54 AM
Ramona thought she was a star
For she tap danced and played steel guitar
But she did it so badly

archerjoe
07-13-2012, 04:37 AM
Ramona thought she was a star
For she tap danced and played steel guitar
But she did it so badly
Her feet flying madly

Nymtoc
07-13-2012, 10:31 AM
Ramona thought she was a star
For she tap danced and played steel guitar
But she did it so badly
Her feet flying madly
Auditioners said, "Au revoir!"

He robbed at least three banks a week

Zeddo
07-13-2012, 10:46 AM
He robbed at least three banks a week
Causing tellers to faint and to shriek

Nymtoc
07-13-2012, 11:45 AM
He robbed at least three banks a week
Causing tellers to faint and to shriek
He passed them a note

Sir_Nigel
07-13-2012, 12:48 PM
He robbed at least three banks a week
Causing tellers to faint and to shriek
He passed them a note,
flashed open his coat

alexaherself
07-13-2012, 03:54 PM
He robbed at least three banks a week
Causing tellers to faint and to shriek
He passed them a note,
flashed open his coat
And the rest was not fit for the meek.




They say they'll inherit the earth

archerjoe
07-13-2012, 04:19 PM
They say they'll inherit the earth
Some ask "But what is that worth?"

alexaherself
07-13-2012, 04:25 PM
They say they'll inherit the earth
Some ask "But what is that worth?"
The value, these days

Nymtoc
07-13-2012, 09:01 PM
They say they'll inherit the earth
Some ask "But what is that worth?"
The value, these days
Provokes horses' neighs

iLion
07-13-2012, 09:17 PM
They say they'll inherit the earth
Some ask "But what is that worth?"
The value, these days
Provokes horses' neighs
As they make little jokes and snide mirth.

Yet lions will stop eating lambs

alexaherself
07-13-2012, 09:29 PM
Yet lions will stop eating lambs
When babies go out in their prams

Pthom
07-13-2012, 11:22 PM
Yet lions will stop eating lambs
When babies go out in their prams
'Cause babies, you know,

alexaherself
07-14-2012, 01:26 AM
Yet lions will stop eating lambs
When babies go out in their prams
'Cause babies, you know,
Will soothe, calm and slow

Nymtoc
07-14-2012, 01:32 AM
Yet lions will stop eating lambs
When babies go out in their prams
'Cause babies, you know,
Will soothe, calm and slow
Fierce beasts till they're peaceful as clams.

I was shocked to discover that Sid

alexaherself
07-14-2012, 01:57 AM
I was shocked to discover that Sid
When told to "seek" went out and "hid"

Melina
07-14-2012, 02:01 AM
I was shocked to discover that Sid
When told to "seek" went out and "hid"
When no one went looking

alexaherself
07-14-2012, 02:16 AM
I was shocked to discover that Sid
When told to "seek" went out and "hid"
When no one went looking
He just started cooking

Melina
07-14-2012, 02:44 AM
I was shocked to discover that Sid
When told to "seek" went out and "hid"
When no one went looking
He just started cooking
a bouillabaisse loaded with squid


I never thought I'd have to say it

alexaherself
07-14-2012, 02:49 AM
I never thought I'd have to say it
But I don't quite know how else to play it

Nymtoc
07-14-2012, 05:01 AM
I never thought I'd have to say it
But I don't quite know how else to play it
Your writing, I fear,

kenthepen
07-14-2012, 06:00 AM
I never thought I'd have to say it
But I don't quite know how else to play it
Your writing, I fear,
Is atrocious, my dear,

Nymtoc
07-14-2012, 06:16 AM
I never thought I'd have to say it
But I don't quite know how else to play it
Your writing, I fear,
Is atrocious, my dear,
There's no kinder way to portray it.

"Where am I?" said Jefferson groggily

Zeddo
07-14-2012, 07:14 AM
"Where am I?" said Jefferson groggily
"Beats me," his doctor said foggily

alexaherself
07-14-2012, 03:56 PM
"Where am I?" said Jefferson groggily
"Beats me," his doctor said foggily
"I thought you were dead,

Zeddo
07-14-2012, 07:45 PM
"Where am I?" said Jefferson groggily
"Beats me," his doctor said foggily
"I thought you were dead,
But it seems I am instead

Nymtoc
07-14-2012, 08:09 PM
"Where am I?" said Jefferson groggily
"Beats me," his doctor said foggily
"I thought you were dead,
But it seems I am instead
Why not treat this thing hair-of-the-doggily?

Fast food is a fat-making diet

alexaherself
07-14-2012, 08:40 PM
Fast food is a fat-making diet
I don't know why so many try it

Zeddo
07-14-2012, 09:47 PM
Fast food is a fat-making diet
I don't know why so many try it
When you gulp down the fries

alexaherself
07-14-2012, 10:10 PM
Fast food is a fat-making diet
I don't know why so many try it
When you gulp down the fries
Your nutritionist sighs

Zeddo
07-15-2012, 12:15 AM
Fast food is a fat-making diet
I don't know why so many try it
When you gulp down the fries
Your nutritionist sighs,
And pizza? She sobs when you buy it.

My old grannie does daring fan dances

alexaherself
07-15-2012, 12:47 AM
My old grannie does daring fan dances
For surgeons, who watch with their lances

Nymtoc
07-15-2012, 02:36 AM
My old grannie does daring fan dances
For surgeons, who watch with their lances
When she starts to jiggle

alexaherself
07-15-2012, 02:41 AM
My old grannie does daring fan dances
For surgeons, who watch with their lances
When she starts to jiggle
They have a good giggle

Zeddo
07-15-2012, 09:29 AM
My old grannie does daring fan dances
For surgeons, who watch with their lances
When she starts to jiggle
They have a good giggle
For she falls down a lot while she prances.


When a cop asked to see Dave's I.D.

Nymtoc
07-15-2012, 09:44 AM
When a cop asked to see Dave's I.D.
He said, "Left it at home. Silly me!"

alexaherself
07-15-2012, 03:07 PM
When a cop asked to see Dave's I.D.
He said, "Left it at home. Silly me!"
The cop grew irate

kenthepen
07-15-2012, 10:39 PM
When a cop asked to see Dave's I.D.
He said "Left it at home. Silly me!"
The cop grew irate
And cried "Fool! Tempt not Fate!"

alexaherself
07-15-2012, 10:43 PM
When a cop asked to see Dave's I.D.
He said "Left it at home. Silly me!"
The cop grew irate
And cried "Fool! Tempt not Fate!
But this time we'll just let it be."




A lumberjack went to the park

Nymtoc
07-15-2012, 10:55 PM
A lumberjack went to the park
Never thinking he'd meet a land shark

alexaherself
07-16-2012, 01:08 AM
A lumberjack went to the park
Never thinking he'd meet a land shark
He arrived on a bike

archerjoe
07-16-2012, 05:14 AM
A lumberjack went to the park
Never thinking he'd meet a land shark
He arrived on a bike
Ill-prepared for a hike

Nymtoc
07-16-2012, 06:15 AM
A lumberjack went to the park
Never thinking he'd meet a land shark
He arrived on a bike
Ill-prepared for a hike
"What's up, Shark?" was his mindless remark.

It's July, and the heat is oppressive

Zeddo
07-16-2012, 07:32 AM
It's July, and the heat is oppressive
Our sweating is growing excessive

kenthepen
07-16-2012, 07:35 AM
It's July, and the heat is oppressive
Our sweating is growing excessive
If I sat in the fridge

Nymtoc
07-16-2012, 08:37 AM
It's July, and the heat is oppressive
Our sweating is growing excessive
If I sat in the fridge
Maybe I could abridge

Sir_Nigel
07-16-2012, 12:40 PM
It's July, and the heat is oppressive
Our sweating is growing excessive
If I sat in the fridge
Maybe I could abridge
this poem.


He told her his name was O’Reilly

annetpfeffer
07-16-2012, 12:45 PM
Wait a minute! I had a final line!


It's July, and the heat is oppressive
Our sweating is growing excessive
If I sat in the fridge
Maybe I could abridge
body odor becoming aggressive.


He told her his name was O’Reilly
He had evil intentions, and while he
__________________

Sir_Nigel
07-16-2012, 04:45 PM
He told her his name was O’Reilly
He had evil intentions, and while he
flirted and wooed

iLion
07-16-2012, 09:23 PM
He told her his name was O’Reilly
He had evil intentions, and while he
flirted and wooed
The cow quietly moo'ed

annetpfeffer
07-16-2012, 09:31 PM
He told her his name was O’Reilly
He had evil intentions, and while he
flirted and wooed
The cow quietly moo'ed,
"Oh beware of the sly pedophilee."


Now fencing's a hard skill to master

iLion
07-16-2012, 09:53 PM
Now fencing's a hard skill to master
Unless you dig post holes much faster

kenthepen
07-16-2012, 10:12 PM
Now fencing's a hard skill to master
Unless you dig post holes much faster
Than skeeters can bite

annetpfeffer
07-16-2012, 10:53 PM
Now fencing's a hard skill to master
Unless you dig post holes much faster
Than skeeters can bite.
Just make those holes tight

Nymtoc
07-16-2012, 11:15 PM
Now fencing's a hard skill to master
Unless you dig post holes much faster
Than skeeters can bite.
Just make those holes tight
Let me see that fence. It's a disaster!

Cassandra makes jimsonweed jelly

Zeddo
07-17-2012, 02:37 AM
Cassandra makes jimsonweed jelly
Which sells very fast in her deli

annetpfeffer
07-17-2012, 03:48 AM
Cassandra makes jimsonweed jelly
Which sells very fast in her deli
It makes your lips numb

Matera the Mad
07-17-2012, 07:18 AM
Cassandra makes jimsonweed jelly
Which sells very fast in her deli
It makes your lips numb
And you feel kinda dumb

Nymtoc
07-17-2012, 09:17 AM
Cassandra makes jimsonweed jelly
Which sells very fast in her deli
It makes your lips numb
And you feel kinda dumb
As it bubbles around in your belly.

Old Zeke fell in love with his ewe

annetpfeffer
07-17-2012, 09:23 AM
Old Zeke fell in love with his ewe
But he hadn't a clue what to do

Zeddo
07-17-2012, 09:27 AM
Old Zeke fell in love with his ewe
But he hadn't a clue what to do
So he went on the lamb

Sir_Nigel
07-17-2012, 12:00 PM
Old Zeke fell in love with his ewe
But he hadn't a clue what to do
So he went on the lamb,
had wham bam with a ram

alexaherself
07-17-2012, 02:29 PM
Old Zeke fell in love with his ewe
But he hadn't a clue what to do
So he went on the lamb,
had wham bam with a ram
And a couple of porcupines too.



The leggiest model in town

Sir_Nigel
07-17-2012, 04:43 PM
The leggiest model in town
found a camera lens up her gown

alexaherself
07-17-2012, 05:33 PM
The leggiest model in town
Found a camera lens up her gown.
She cried "Oh, dear me

Nymtoc
07-17-2012, 06:59 PM
The leggiest model in town
Found a camera lens up her gown.
She cried "Oh, dear me
Now the whole world will see

alexaherself
07-17-2012, 08:45 PM
The leggiest model in town
Found a camera lens up her gown.
She cried "Oh, dear me
Now the whole world will see
Even more flesh of public renown."



A mystery writer called Fred

archerjoe
07-17-2012, 08:59 PM
A mystery writer called Fred
Said he'd rather write humor instead

alexaherself
07-17-2012, 09:02 PM
A mystery writer called Fred
Said he'd rather write humor instead
But his publisher thought

iLion
07-17-2012, 09:11 PM
A mystery writer called Fred
Said he'd rather write humor instead
But his publisher thought
That Fred should be shot

Zeddo
07-17-2012, 10:56 PM
A mystery writer called Fred
Said he'd rather write humor instead
But his publisher thought
That Fred should be shot
"You're not funny, forget it!" he said.

Marguerite gobbles marshmallow treats

alexaherself
07-17-2012, 11:03 PM
Marguerite gobbles marshmallow treats
Her goat stands outside and just bleats

Melina
07-18-2012, 02:11 AM
Marguerite gobbles marshmallow treats
Her goat stands outside and just bleats
Though the noise drives her crazy,

alexaherself
07-18-2012, 02:25 AM
Marguerite gobbles marshmallow treats
Her goat stands outside and just bleats
Though the noise drives her crazy,
And makes her feel hazy,

Melina
07-18-2012, 04:38 AM
Marguerite gobbles marshmallow treats
Her goat stands outside and just bleats
Though the noise drives her crazy,
And makes her feel hazy,
She won't let him have any sweets




Thank goodness the work day is over

Nymtoc
07-18-2012, 09:01 AM
Thank goodness the work day is over
I think I'll bike over to Dover

kenthepen
07-18-2012, 09:04 AM
Thank goodness the work day is over
I think I'll bike over to Dover
But I live in the colonies

Nymtoc
07-18-2012, 10:40 AM
Thank goodness the work day is over
I think I'll bike over to Dover
But I live in the colonies
And don't have Apollo knees

Sir_Nigel
07-18-2012, 01:29 PM
Thank goodness the work day is over
I think I'll bike over to Dover
But I live in the colonies
And don't have Apollo knees
But have thighs like Navratilova



His mind was an absolute blank

Nymtoc
07-18-2012, 06:25 PM
His mind was an absolute blank
Some said, "It's because he's a Yank."

archerjoe
07-18-2012, 06:28 PM
His mind was an absolute blank
Some said, "It's because he's a Yank."
He drinks too much beer

Lavern08
07-18-2012, 06:42 PM
His mind was an absolute blank
Some said, "It's because he's a Yank."
He drinks too much beer
And some say he's queer

iLion
07-18-2012, 08:53 PM
His mind was an absolute blank
Some said, "It's because he's a Yank."
He drinks too much beer
And some say he's queer
And deleted his brain's data bank.

My chicken has laid a nice egg

Meerkat
07-18-2012, 08:55 PM
My chicken has laid a nice egg
Since it's here, the last line can't use "leg,"

iLion
07-18-2012, 08:58 PM
My chicken has laid a nice egg
Since it's here, the last line can't use "leg,"
Nor now even "wing"

Meerkat
07-18-2012, 09:08 PM
My chicken has laid a nice egg
Since it's here, the last line can't use "leg,"
Nor now even "wing"
And since word play's the thing,

Lavern08
07-19-2012, 12:05 AM
My chicken has laid a nice egg
Since it's here, the last line can't use "leg,"
Nor now even "wing"
And since word play's the thing,
Let's finish this limerick, I beg.

I slept like a baby last night

Zeddo
07-19-2012, 01:22 AM
I slept like a baby last night
Cuz my bottle of rye made me tight

alexaherself
07-19-2012, 03:09 AM
I slept like a baby last night
Cuz my bottle of rye made me tight
The brandy was fine

Nymtoc
07-19-2012, 06:56 AM
I slept like a baby last night
Cuz my bottle of rye made me tight
The brandy was fine
Sent a chill up my spine

Zeddo
07-19-2012, 08:22 AM
I slept like a baby last night
Cuz my bottle of rye made me tight
The brandy was fine
Sent a chill up my spine
And the vodka shots made it ignite!

I'm forgetful, I freely admit

Nymtoc
07-19-2012, 08:28 AM
I'm forgetful, I freely admit
Can't recall if you're he, she or it

Matera the Mad
07-19-2012, 08:50 AM
I'm forgetful, I freely admit
Can't recall if you're he, she or it
So when we two meet

kenthepen
07-19-2012, 09:19 AM
I'm forgetful, I freely admit
Can't recall if you're he, she or it
So when we two meet
I'll just stare at your feet

Sir_Nigel
07-19-2012, 11:49 AM
I'm forgetful, I freely admit
Can't recall if you're he, she or it
So when we two meet
I'll just stare at your feet
and fondle your parts for a bit.


Aha! cried Inspector McCree

Lavern08
07-19-2012, 05:33 PM
Aha! cried Inspector McCree
The suspect just ran up a tree

Meerkat
07-19-2012, 08:42 PM
Aha! cried Inspector McCree
The suspect just ran up a tree
Not unlike a rodent

iLion
07-19-2012, 09:07 PM
Aha! cried Inspector McCree
The suspect just ran up a tree
Not unlike a rodent
It smells really potent

alexaherself
07-19-2012, 09:35 PM
Aha! cried Inspector McCree
The suspect just ran up a tree
Not unlike a rodent
It smells really potent
As bad as an overripe Brie




The problem with children is noise

Meerkat
07-19-2012, 09:44 PM
The problem with children is noise
Which is worse from the girls than the boys

archerjoe
07-19-2012, 09:44 PM
The problem with children is noise
It's as bad with girls as with boys

alexaherself
07-19-2012, 11:00 PM
The problem with children is noise
It's as bad with girls as with boys
The screams are so loud

Nymtoc
07-20-2012, 01:47 AM
The problem with children is noise
It's as bad with girls as with boys
The screams are so loud
They beleaguer the crowd

Meerkat
07-20-2012, 02:14 AM
The problem with children is noise
It's as bad with girls as with boys
The screams are so loud
They beleaguer the crowd
"Perhaps we should stop burning toys..."


There was a skilled author in Phuket**


(**that would be: "Pooh-KETT")

StephanieFox
07-20-2012, 06:33 AM
There was a skilled author in Phuket*
Who had her whole darn psyche reset




(**that would be: "Pooh-KETT")

Zeddo
07-20-2012, 08:53 AM
There was a skilled author in Phuket*
Who had her whole darn psyche reset
Now her brain spews out plots

Sir_Nigel
07-20-2012, 12:04 PM
There was a skilled author in Phuket
Who had her whole darn psyche reset
Now her brain spews out plots
about drug-addled Scots

alexaherself
07-20-2012, 02:21 PM
There was a skilled author in Phuket
Who had her whole darn psyche reset
Now her brain spews out plots
about drug-addled Scots
And weird limericks on the net.



The internet is a strange place

Sir_Nigel
07-20-2012, 04:37 PM
The internet is a strange place
You can show an alternative face

Meerkat
07-20-2012, 04:42 PM
The internet is a strange place
You can show an alternative face
As for "keeping it real"

alexaherself
07-20-2012, 05:25 PM
The internet is a strange place
You can show an alternative face
As for "keeping it real"
That's not part of the deal

Meerkat
07-20-2012, 05:32 PM
The internet is a strange place
You can show an alternative face
As for "keeping it real"
That's not part of the deal
At least what happens, stays cyber-space


There was an old man, Hemmingway

Zeddo
07-20-2012, 07:42 PM
There was an old man, Hemingway
Who caught a big fish, so they say

Melina
07-20-2012, 08:10 PM
There was an old man, Hemingway
Who caught a big fish, so they say
If ol' Ernie'd been sober

kenthepen
07-21-2012, 09:38 AM
There was an old man, Hemingway
Who caught a big fish, so they say
If ol' Ernie'd been sober
And not thought he'd disrobe her

Zeddo
07-21-2012, 10:24 AM
There was an old man, Hemingway
Who caught a big fish, so they say
If ol' Ernie'd been sober
And not thought he'd disrobe her
His fish tale would've ended O.K.

A ventriloquist's dummy was sued

archerjoe
07-21-2012, 04:27 PM
A ventriloquist's dummy was sued
For dialog bawdy and rude

Nymtoc
07-21-2012, 05:05 PM
A ventriloquist's dummy was sued
For dialog bawdy and rude
"It's not my fault," said he

alexaherself
07-21-2012, 06:55 PM
A ventriloquist's dummy was sued
For dialog bawdy and rude
"It's not my fault," said he
"The problem's with thee

Meerkat
07-21-2012, 08:15 PM
A ventriloquist's dummy was sued
For dialog bawdy and rude
"It's not my fault," said he
"The problem's with thee
"So stop saying 'let's get him unglued!'"


A lobster afficianado

alexaherself
07-21-2012, 08:29 PM
A lobster aficionado
Called Romeo "Seafood" Corrado

kenthepen
07-22-2012, 05:08 AM
A lobster aficionado
Called Romeo "Seafood" Corrado
Knew not cabbages from kings

Nymtoc
07-22-2012, 05:13 AM
A lobster aficionado
Called Romeo "Seafood" Corrado
Knew not cabbages from kings
Or rhubarb from rings

kenthepen
07-22-2012, 05:49 AM
A lobster aficionado
Called Romeo "Seafood" Corrado
Knew not cabbages from kings
Or Rhubarb from rings
But he loved him a bisque con tomato.

Every time I try to wink

Zeddo
07-22-2012, 06:02 AM
Every time I try to wink
I close both eyes, which makes people think

Meerkat
07-22-2012, 06:22 AM
Every time I try to wink
I close both eyes, which makes people think
His bowels are involved...

kenthepen
07-22-2012, 06:27 AM
Every time I try to wink
I close both eyes, which makes people think
His bowels are involved..............
He's so filled with resolve......

Meerkat
07-22-2012, 06:34 AM
Every time I try to wink
I close both eyes, which makes people think
His bowels are involved
He's so filled with resolve
He's like that dude: "I am/therefore I stink"


There was a peculiar chihuahua

kenthepen
07-22-2012, 07:32 AM
There was a peculiar chihuahua
Who hailed from just north of Chatauqua

alexaherself
07-22-2012, 04:43 PM
There was a peculiar chihuahua
Who hailed from just north of Chatauqua
He went out on a leash

Nymtoc
07-22-2012, 06:15 PM
There was a peculiar chihuahua
Who hailed from just north of Chatauqua
He went out on a leash
Ordered kippers and quiche

alexaherself
07-22-2012, 06:31 PM
There was a peculiar chihuahua
Who hailed from just north of Chatauqua
He went out on a leash
Ordered kippers and quiche
And proposed to Kiri Te Kanawa



They all climbed up fifteen-foot poles

Nymtoc
07-22-2012, 06:39 PM
They all climbed up fifteen-foot poles
To prove to the world they weren't trolls

alexaherself
07-22-2012, 07:00 PM
They all climbed up fifteen-foot poles
To prove to the world they weren't trolls
They looked down and cried

kenthepen
07-22-2012, 10:30 PM
They all climbed up fifteen-foot poles
To prove to the world they weren't trolls
They looked down and cried
"Look up here!" with such pride

Nymtoc
07-22-2012, 11:00 PM
They all climbed up fifteen-foot poles
To prove to the world they weren't trolls
They looked down and cried
"Look up here!" with such pride
That the mayor of the town gave them scrolls.

Miss Pomfret was painfully shy

alexaherself
07-22-2012, 11:52 PM
Miss Pomfret was painfully shy
In front of an audience she'd cry

Zeddo
07-22-2012, 11:54 PM
Miss Pomfret was painfully shy
In front of an audience she'd cry
So imagine her fear

kenthepen
07-22-2012, 11:57 PM
Miss Pomfret was painfully shy
In front of an audience she'd cry
So imagine her fear
Unabated by beer

StephanieFox
07-23-2012, 02:34 AM
Miss Pomfret was painfully shy
In front of an audience she'd cry
So imagine her fear
Unabated by beer
She'd been booked at the Court of Versalles.


This summer's exceedingly hot

alexaherself
07-23-2012, 02:41 AM
This summer's exceedingly hot
The horses are too warm to trot

Nymtoc
07-23-2012, 03:34 AM
This summer's exceedingly hot
The horses are too warm to trot
The stable boy's drinking

Zeddo
07-23-2012, 03:38 AM
This summer's exceedingly hot
The horses are too warm to trot
The stable boy's drinking
And race fans are thinking