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flyingtart
02-13-2012, 03:19 PM
Then, covered in Richard the Thirds
He found they were struggling for words

Nymtoc
02-13-2012, 04:45 PM
Then, covered in Richard the Thirds
He found they were struggling for words
From his perch on the poop

Sir_Nigel
02-13-2012, 07:29 PM
Then, covered in Richard the Thirds
He found they were struggling for words
From his perch on the poop
he dished out their soup

iLion
02-13-2012, 10:51 PM
Then, covered in Richard the Thirds
He found they were struggling for words
From his perch on the poop
He dished out their soup
Then laughed and called them all nerds.


If gov'mints would leave us alone

flyingtart
02-13-2012, 10:56 PM
If gov'mints would leave us alone
I'd unplug the 'Net and cellphone

Nymtoc
02-14-2012, 01:35 AM
If gov'mints would leave us alone
I'd unplug the 'Net and cellphone
And go around nude

archerjoe
02-14-2012, 03:35 AM
If gov'mints would leave us alone
I'd unplug the 'Net and cellphone
And go around nude
With a bad attitude

Nymtoc
02-14-2012, 04:55 AM
If gov'mints would leave us alone
I'd unplug the 'Net and cellphone
And go around nude
With a bad attitude
And sell eau de polecat cologne.

My grandfather told me one day

rosebud1981
02-14-2012, 05:02 AM
My grandfather told me one day
To trade all my money for hay

Nymtoc
02-14-2012, 11:46 AM
My grandfather told me one day
To trade all my money for hay
"Then go get a wain

Sir_Nigel
02-14-2012, 12:21 PM
My grandfather told me one day
To trade all my money for hay
"Then go get a wain
and f**k off to Spain”

flyingtart
02-14-2012, 01:46 PM
My grandfather told me one day
To trade all my money for hay
"Then go get a wain
and f**k off to Spain”
But who cares what old codgers say?


My cousin was married in white

Nymtoc
02-14-2012, 02:09 PM
My cousin was married in white
He's so fat it just didn't seem right

Sir_Nigel
02-15-2012, 01:16 PM
My cousin was married in white
He's so fat it just didn't seem right
- like a snow-covered hillock

flyingtart
02-15-2012, 01:42 PM
My cousin was married in white
He's so fat it just didn't seem right
- like a snow-covered hillock
He looked a right pillock

Nymtoc
02-15-2012, 02:22 PM
My cousin was married in white
He's so fat it just didn't seem right
- like a snow-covered hillock
He looked a right pillock
And glowed like a full moon at night.

This morning, while riding the train,

flyingtart
02-15-2012, 06:35 PM
This morning, while riding the train,
I developed an exceptional pain

Sir_Nigel
02-15-2012, 06:42 PM
This morning, while riding the train,
I developed an exceptional pain
My boil had burst!

iLion
02-15-2012, 09:16 PM
This morning, while riding the train,
I developed an exceptional pain
My boil had burst!
I yelled and I cursed

Nymtoc
02-16-2012, 12:41 AM
This morning, while riding the train,
I developed an exceptional pain
My boil had burst!
I yelled and I cursed
Now how'll I get rid of the stain?

"Aha!" said the Chief of Police

archerjoe
02-16-2012, 06:39 AM
"Aha!" said the Chief of Police
"It's you who insulted my niece"

Nymtoc
02-16-2012, 08:05 AM
"Aha!" said the Chief of Police
"It's you who insulted my niece"
I started to run

flyingtart
02-16-2012, 01:11 PM
"Aha!" said the Chief of Police
"It's you who insulted my niece"
I started to run
He pulled out his gun

Nymtoc
02-16-2012, 08:10 PM
"Aha!" said the Chief of Police
"It's you who insulted my niece"
I started to run
He pulled out his gun
I said, "I confess, but I'll cease."

He took me to jail anyway.

iLion
02-16-2012, 09:44 PM
He took me to jail anyway.
Then fed me a chocolate parfait

Nymtoc
02-17-2012, 10:24 AM
He took me to jail anyway.
Then fed me a chocolate parfait
It tasted like mud

flyingtart
02-17-2012, 01:41 PM
He took me to jail anyway.
Then fed me a chocolate parfait
It tasted like mud
I puked with a thud

Nymtoc
02-17-2012, 09:09 PM
He took me to jail anyway.
Then fed me a chocolate parfait
It tasted like mud
I puked with a thud
He said, "Now clean it up, you roué!"

I can't wait for the flowers of spring

iLion
02-17-2012, 09:12 PM
I can't wait for the flowers of spring
I'll sell them and hear the chaching!

Nymtoc
02-18-2012, 10:17 AM
I can't wait for the flowers of spring
I'll sell them and hear the chaching!
Two blooms for a buck

flyingtart
02-19-2012, 01:00 PM
I can't wait for the flowers of spring
I'll sell them and hear the chaching!
Two blooms for a buck
I don't give a fuck

Nymtoc
02-19-2012, 01:22 PM
I can't wait for the flowers of spring
I'll sell them and hear the chaching!
Two blooms for a buck
I don't give a fuck
'Cos I'm just an uncouth ding-a-ling.

I went to the Dead End Saloon

flyingtart
02-19-2012, 05:31 PM
I went to the Dead End Saloon
Where people eat lunch with a spoon

Lavern08
02-19-2012, 08:08 PM
I went to the Dead End Saloon
Where people eat lunch with a spoon
No forks could be found

Nymtoc
02-19-2012, 11:26 PM
I went to the Dead End Saloon
Where people eat lunch with a spoon
No forks could be found
Pure corn liquor was downed

flyingtart
02-19-2012, 11:47 PM
I went to the Dead End Saloon
Where people eat lunch with a spoon
No forks could be found
Pure corn liquor was downed
And I danced like a frantic cartoon


Don't ever give whiskey to Jean

Nymtoc
02-20-2012, 03:35 AM
Don't ever give whiskey to Jean.
She's a terrible drunk. She gets mean.

IrisFlower81
02-20-2012, 08:08 AM
But if you give her rum,

Nymtoc
02-20-2012, 08:14 AM
Don't ever give whiskey to Jean.
She's a terrible drunk. She gets mean.
But if you give her rum,
She'll tickle your bum

flyingtart
02-20-2012, 01:25 PM
Don't ever give whiskey to Jean.
She's a terrible drunk. She gets mean.
But if you give her rum,
She'll tickle your bum
In a way that is wholly obscene


Her antics are often discussed

iLion
02-20-2012, 09:39 PM
Her antics are often discussed
By preachers who teach about lust

Nymtoc
02-20-2012, 10:07 PM
Her antics are often discussed
By preachers who teach about lust
They warn about Hell

iLion
02-20-2012, 10:16 PM
Her antics are often discussed
By preachers who teach about lust
They warn about Hell
Then fondle Ms Belle

Nymtoc
02-20-2012, 10:47 PM
Her antics are often discussed
By preachers who teach about lust
They warn about Hell
Then fondle Ms Belle
Yet still keep their congregants' trust.

But Belle is a talkative lass

flyingtart
02-21-2012, 01:46 PM
But Belle is a talkative lass
She excels in the discussion class

iLion
02-21-2012, 09:21 PM
But Belle is a talkative lass
She excels in the discussion class
She likes to bare all

flyingtart
02-22-2012, 12:19 AM
But Belle is a talkative lass
She excels in the discussion class
She likes to bare all
Which will surely enthral

Matera the Mad
02-22-2012, 04:00 AM
But Belle is a talkative lass
She excels in the discussion class
She likes to bare all
Which will surely enthral
When in class, the lass bares her fine...sass.

Please, if you must sneeze at my lecture,

Nymtoc
02-22-2012, 04:05 AM
But Belle is a talkative lass
She excels in the discussion class
She likes to bare all
Which will surely enthral
When in class, the lass bares her fine...sass.

Please, if you must sneeze at my lecture,
Go do it in your own prefecture

flyingtart
02-22-2012, 01:49 PM
Please, if you must sneeze at my lecture,
Go do it in your own prefecture
The microbes, you see

Nymtoc
02-22-2012, 05:13 PM
Please, if you must sneeze at my lecture,
Go do it in your prefecture
The microbes, you see
Will go on a spree

Sir_Nigel
02-22-2012, 05:32 PM
Please, if you must sneeze at my lecture,
Go do it in your prefecture
The microbes, you see
Will go on a spree
They’ll climb in your head and infect ya.


Oh doh I’ve a code in my dose

flyingtart
02-22-2012, 06:41 PM
Oh doh I’ve a code in my dose
Ah cad smell a turd or a rose

Nymtoc
02-22-2012, 08:49 PM
Oh doh I’ve a code in my dose
Ah cad smell a turd or a rose
I bought some colode

Pthom
02-23-2012, 04:41 AM
Oh doh I’ve a code in by dose. . . fixed spelling . . . er, misspelling
Ah cad sbell a turd or a rose. . . fixed misspelling again
I bought sobe colode. . . and again
Frob sources unkdode

Nymtoc
02-23-2012, 05:58 AM
Oh doh I’ve a code in by dose
Ah cad sbell a turd or a rose
I bought sobe colode
Frob sources unkdode
Dow freds say by stidkidess grows.

I think I shall go to the fair

flyingtart
02-23-2012, 01:51 PM
I think I shall go to the fair
There's a woman tells horoscopes there

Nymtoc
02-23-2012, 01:56 PM
I think I shall go to the fair
There's a woman tells horoscopes there
She'll tell me if I

Lavern08
02-23-2012, 06:31 PM
I think I shall go to the fair
There's a woman tells horoscopes there
She'll tell me if I
Will live or will die

flyingtart
02-23-2012, 06:50 PM
I think I shall go to the fair
There's a woman tells horoscopes there
She'll tell me if I
Will live or will die
Not knowing is too hard to bear



She said that my Moon was in Leo

EzzyAlpha
02-23-2012, 08:01 PM
She said that my Moon was in Leo
And that I'd soon be in Tokio

Nymtoc
02-23-2012, 08:18 PM
Ezzy Alpha, you're new to AW so here's a big :welcome:to you from the gang!

However, we are kind of fussy in this game, and it's my job to point out that Tokio doesn't rhyme with Leo, since the accents fall on different syllables (unless there's some town called To-KEE-o that I haven't heard of.)

I hope you'll allow me to change the line. We all make minor mistakes at times, so please take this as a gentle reminder and keep writing limericks! :D

She said that my moon was in Leo
And that I'd soon travel to Rio.

flyingtart
02-23-2012, 09:02 PM
She said that my moon was in Leo
And that I'd soon travel to Rio
Where I'd be astounded

Nymtoc
02-24-2012, 03:40 AM
She said that my moon was in Leo
And that I'd soon travel to Rio
Where I'd be astounded
And quickly surrounded

Sir_Nigel
02-24-2012, 12:30 PM
She said that my moon was in Leo
And that I'd soon travel to Rio
Where I'd be astounded
And quickly surrounded
by the José Valdez Latin Trio

They’d shake their maracas at me

flyingtart
02-24-2012, 01:52 PM
They’d shake their maracas at me
Which get them as hot as can be

Sir_Nigel
02-24-2012, 03:08 PM
They’d shake their maracas at me
Which get them as hot as can be
Then dance the lambada

flyingtart
02-24-2012, 04:59 PM
They’d shake their maracas at me
Which get them as hot as can be
Then dance the lambada
Like they'd been to Rada

EzzyAlpha
02-24-2012, 08:31 PM
(Oh, I feel silly now. That's what I get for not reading it out loud)

They’d shake their maracas at me
Which get them as hot as can be
Then dance the lambada
Like they'd been to Rada
And seen all they could possibly see

Nymtoc
02-24-2012, 11:55 PM
Great, EzzyAlpha! Glad to see you're persisting! One more thing: When you finish a limerick, you should start another one in the same post. This time, I'll start one for you. :D

The sun did not come up today

flyingtart
02-25-2012, 12:12 AM
The sun did not come up today
It loitered round Cardigan Bay

Nymtoc
02-25-2012, 04:14 AM
The sun did not come up today
It loitered round Cardigan Bay
I think it's been sick

EzzyAlpha
02-25-2012, 10:50 AM
(Oh, I feel really stupid now :P)

The sun did not come up today
It loitered round Cardigan Bay
I think it's been sick
It might be a trick

(fingers crossed)

Nymtoc
02-25-2012, 11:41 AM
The sun did not come up today
It loitered round Cardigan Bay
I think it's been sick
It might be a trick
It could be malingering, eh?

I never saw such a sweet bird

Matera the Mad
02-26-2012, 11:43 AM
I never saw such a sweet bird
As that first one (not second or third)

flyingtart
02-26-2012, 02:39 PM
I never saw such a sweet bird
As that first one (not second or third)
It might be a goose

Nymtoc
02-26-2012, 08:21 PM
I never saw such a sweet bird
As that first one (not second or third)
It might be a goose
Would it make a good mousse?

catian
02-27-2012, 11:15 AM
never saw such a sweet bird
As that first one (not second or third)
It might be a goose
Would it make a good mousse?
and will it ever turn to curd?

flyingtart
02-27-2012, 01:20 PM
(Catian, you're supposed to start a new one....)

Oh, well...

McPherson was feeling quite grim

Nymtoc
02-27-2012, 01:45 PM
(Also, Catian, your line "and will it ever take to road?" was supposed to rhyme with "bird" and "third." Oh, well....)

McPherson was feeling quite grim
His club threw him out of the gym

flyingtart
02-27-2012, 03:15 PM
McPherson was feeling quite grim
His club threw him out of the gym
It didn't seem fair

catian
02-27-2012, 03:28 PM
sorry about the hickups. The line has been corrected.

McPherson was feeling quite grim
His club threw him out of the gym
It didn't seem fair
so he gave himself a dare

flyingtart
02-27-2012, 04:27 PM
McPherson was feeling quite grim
His club threw him out of the gym
It didn't seem fair
so he tried out a dare (edited to scan*)
Folk responded: "What's got into him?"

Don't ever go fishing for carp


*Catian, you might like to take a look at this explanation (http://www.poetry-online.org/limericks.htm) of the Limerick form. It has a very strict rhyme and rhythm pattern.

catian
02-27-2012, 04:45 PM
Thanks flyingtart.

don't ever go finshing for carp
in case you'd walk into a harp

iLion
02-27-2012, 09:32 PM
don't ever go fishing for carp,
in case you'd walk into a harp;
I'm dreaming, you see

Sir_Nigel
02-28-2012, 12:25 PM
Don't ever go fishing for carp,
in case you'd walk into a harp;
I'm dreaming, you see
(I just dropped LSD)

Nymtoc
02-28-2012, 01:37 PM
Don't ever go fishing for carp,
in case you'd walk into a harp;
I'm dreaming, you see
(I just dropped LSD
In my flying kaleidoscope tarp.)

No sax sounds as sexy as mine

flyingtart
02-28-2012, 01:51 PM
No sax sounds as sexy as mine
The high notes are truly divine

catian
02-28-2012, 02:07 PM
No sax sounds as sexy as mine
The high notes are truly divine
I have a splendid time

Sir_Nigel
02-28-2012, 02:27 PM
No sax sounds as sexy as mine
The high notes are truly divine
I have a great time (amended for obvious reasons)
playing sweet and sublime

flyingtart
02-28-2012, 02:39 PM
No sax sounds as sexy as mine
The high notes are truly divine
I have a great time
playing sweet and sublime
Assisted by bottles of wine


Please don't put that thing on the table

Sir_Nigel
02-28-2012, 02:57 PM
Please don't put that thing on the table
It belonged to your late Aunty Mabel

Nymtoc
02-28-2012, 03:19 PM
Please don't put that thing on the table
It belonged to your late Aunty Mabel
Her tastes were bizarre

Sir_Nigel
02-28-2012, 05:28 PM
Please don't put that thing on the table
It belonged to your late Aunty Mabel
Her tastes were bizarre
That’s her brain in the jar

flyingtart
02-28-2012, 05:49 PM
Please don't put that thing on the table
It belonged to your late Aunty Mabel
Her tastes were bizarre
That’s her brain in the jar
I warned you that she was unstable


She rang for her butler and said

catian
02-28-2012, 08:51 PM
She rang for her butler and said
please come and undo my bed

iLion
02-28-2012, 09:29 PM
She rang for her butler and said
please come and undo my bed
But cover your eyes

Nymtoc
02-28-2012, 09:53 PM
She rang for her butler and said
please come and undo my bed
But cover your eyes
I've got a surprise

flyingtart
02-29-2012, 12:24 AM
She rang for her butler and said
please come and undo my bed
But cover your eyes
I've got a surprise
When he did he discovered her dead!


That last one was awfully grim

catian
02-29-2012, 12:40 AM
That last one was awfully grim
so much it was, full to the brim

flyingtart
02-29-2012, 04:08 PM
That last one was awfully grim
so much it was, full to the brim
With sentiments bleak

catian
02-29-2012, 06:56 PM
That last one was awfully grim
so much it was, full to the brim
With sentiments bleak
and outrageous shiny pleats

Nymtoc
02-29-2012, 08:18 PM
Catian. "pleats" does not rhyme with "bleak." Limericks have very strict rules, and your attempt fails on several counts. One word is plural and the other singular. Also, "t" does not work with "k" In addition, you've given the line too many syllables. So I've changed it. :)

That last one was awfully grim
so much it was, full to the brim
With sentiments bleak
and gloom to the peak

catian
02-29-2012, 08:43 PM
I do apologise I was not aware of the syllable counts at all. Now I know I must get my rhyming words back on track. Apologies again!

That last one was awfully grim
so much it was, full to the brim
With sentiments bleak
and gloom to the peak
it fell tungled up to truly trim


the next one is possibly flimsy

flyingtart
02-29-2012, 08:53 PM
The next one is possibly flimsy
With nonsense filled up to the brim, see

iLion
02-29-2012, 09:54 PM
The next one is possibly flimsy,
With nonsense filled up to the brim, see?
I'll say what I want

Nymtoc
02-29-2012, 10:25 PM
The next one is possibly flimsy,
With nonsense filled up to the brim, see?
I'll say what I want
Chastise me? You can't

flyingtart
02-29-2012, 10:59 PM
The next one is possibly flimsy,
With nonsense filled up to the brim, see?
I'll say what I want
Chastise me? You can't
This thread was invented for whimsy


Don't ever put salt in your tea

catian
02-29-2012, 11:26 PM
Don't ever put salt in your tea
or else your sugar will make a plea

flyingtart
03-01-2012, 03:16 PM
(Sorry, Catian, that line doesn't fit at all. Can't really edit to fit, so I've changed it.)

Don't ever put salt in your tea
Or folks will complain, deary me

Sir_Nigel
03-01-2012, 03:42 PM
Don't ever put salt in your tea
Or folks will complain, deary me
You bounder! they’ll cry

archerjoe
03-01-2012, 05:52 PM
Don't ever put salt in your tea
Or folks will complain, deary me
You bounder! they’ll cry
And spit in your eye

flyingtart
03-01-2012, 06:42 PM
Don't ever put salt in your tea
Or folks will complain, deary me
You bounder! they’ll cry
And spit in your eye
And then see how sorry you'll be


The doctor was shaking his head

Sir_Nigel
03-01-2012, 06:45 PM
The doctor was shaking his head
A great cure for dandruff he said

Nymtoc
03-01-2012, 07:49 PM
The doctor was shaking his head
A great cure for dandruff he said
But to my dismay

flyingtart
03-01-2012, 09:12 PM
The doctor was shaking his head
A great cure for dandruff he said
But to my dismay
His hair turned to hay

iLion
03-01-2012, 09:26 PM
The doctor was shaking his head
A great cure for dandruff he said
But to my dismay
His hair turned to hay
And the doctor fell over quite dead.

I stood in the line for a day

Nymtoc
03-01-2012, 09:41 PM
I stood in the line for a day
Hoping Trump would be coming my way

iLion
03-01-2012, 09:48 PM
I stood in the line for a day
Hoping Trump would be coming my way
but then i saw cher

catian
03-01-2012, 10:02 PM
stood in the line for a day
Hoping Trump would be coming my way
but then i saw cher
dressed up in Mohair

Pthom
03-01-2012, 10:07 PM
Perfect, Catian!

I stood in the line for a day
Hoping Trump would be coming my way
But then i saw Cher
Dressed up in Mohair
That she no doubt found used on eBay!

O ye red carpet mavens unite!

catian
03-01-2012, 11:25 PM
Hey thank you very much Pthom:)
If my second line in this one is wrong apologies in advance just remove it , I am finding this game very difficult. If it is wrong then I 'll just stop playing I do not want to spoil the game


O ye red carpet mavens unite
get yourselves some regulars and fight

flyingtart
03-02-2012, 01:04 AM
O ye red carpet mavens unite
get yourselves some regulars and fight
Put woad on your breast

Pthom
03-02-2012, 05:49 AM
Methinks it is time for a review of limerick form.
The first, second and fifth lines MUST follow this rhythm convention:
De (de) DAH duh de DAH duh de DAH (duh). Syllables in parentheses are allowed, but must not be stressed.

The line: "There once was a lady from Trent" would work nicely as a first line.
The third and fourth lines MUST follow this rhythm convention:
De DAH duh de DAH (duh).

This line: "She hid from her lover" meets the requirements of the third or fourth line.
Also, the first, second and fifth lines MUST rhyme, preferably perfectly, and the third and fourth lines MUST also rhyme, also perfectly, but not with the others.

The completed limerick, then, might read as follows:

There once was a lady from TrentWho dated a blighter from Kent.
She hid from her lover
The gifts of another
And did not reveal where she went.

So now back to the limerick in progress (I repaired line two):

O ye red carpet mavens unite
Get your regular soldiers and fight
Put woad on your breast

archerjoe
03-02-2012, 07:49 AM
O ye red carpet mavens unite
Get your regular soldiers and fight
Put woad on your breast
A rough litmus test

Nymtoc
03-02-2012, 10:03 AM
O ye red carpet mavens unite
Get your regular soldiers and fight
Put woad on your breast
A rough litmus test
Of valor and sweetness and light.

My car runs on whiskey, you know

flyingtart
03-02-2012, 10:27 AM
My car runs on whiskey, you know
I take it wherever I go

Sir_Nigel
03-02-2012, 12:53 PM
My car runs on whiskey, you know
I take it wherever I go
And filled with Laphroaig

flyingtart
03-02-2012, 03:03 PM
My car runs on whiskey, you know
I take it wherever I go
And filled with Laphroaig
So fast it will go-aig

Sir_Nigel
03-02-2012, 04:01 PM
My car runs on whiskey, you know
I take it wherever I go
And filled with Laphroaig
So fast it will go-aig
But filled up with gin it goes slow


They’re coming to take me away

flyingtart
03-02-2012, 04:47 PM
They’re coming to take me away
I've gone round the bend as they say

Nymtoc
03-02-2012, 07:07 PM
They’re coming to take me away
I've gone round the bend as they say
I hear evil voices

archerjoe
03-02-2012, 08:42 PM
They’re coming to take me away
I've gone round the bend as they say
I hear evil voices
Encourage bad choices

iLion
03-02-2012, 10:10 PM
They’re coming to take me away
I've gone round the bend as they say
I hear evil voices
Encourage bad choices
But free food for me, so hooray!

I'll spit out the pills that I get

flyingtart
03-02-2012, 10:26 PM
I'll spit out the pills that I get
Which won't please the doctor, I bet

iLion
03-02-2012, 10:29 PM
I'll spit out the pills that I get;
Which won't please the doctor, I bet.
i'll pinch all the lasses

archerjoe
03-02-2012, 10:51 PM
I'll spit out the pills that I get;
Which won't please the doctor, I bet.
i'll pinch all the lasses
'cept those with dark glasses

Nymtoc
03-03-2012, 12:27 AM
I'll spit out the pills that I get;
Which won't please the doctor, I bet.
i'll pinch all the lasses
'cept those with dark glasses
I ain't even got started yet.

I looked up. The moon was bright blue.

archerjoe
03-03-2012, 12:33 AM
I looked up. The moon was bright blue.
So that's what the purple pills do!

flyingtart
03-03-2012, 02:25 PM
I looked up. The moon was bright blue.
So that's what the purple pills do!
But to my dismay

catian
03-03-2012, 02:46 PM
I looked up. The moon was bright blue.
So that's what the purple pills do!
But to my dismay
it went all astray

flyingtart
03-03-2012, 04:21 PM
I looked up. The moon was bright blue.
So that's what the purple pills do!
But to my dismay
it went all astray
And now I am knee deep in poo


Miss Miller was teaching her class

catian
03-03-2012, 04:49 PM
Miss Miller was teaching her class
when her alphabet shot through glass

Nymtoc
03-03-2012, 06:43 PM
Miss Miller was teaching her class
Her alphabet shot through the glass *
The windows went flying





*slight change to correct syllabic emphasis

Lavern08
03-03-2012, 08:06 PM
Miss Miller was teaching her class
Her alphabet shot through the glass *
The windows went flying
The kids started crying

archerjoe
03-04-2012, 06:34 AM
Miss Miller was teaching her class
Her alphabet shot through the glass
The windows went flying
The kids started crying
Her language was really quite crass

Whilst driving in London one day

Nymtoc
03-04-2012, 06:40 AM
Whilst driving in London one day
I happened to meet Tina Fey

Matera the Mad
03-04-2012, 09:34 AM
Whilst driving in London one day
I happened to meet Tina Fey
I said, "Well, hello!"

flyingtart
03-04-2012, 08:07 PM
Whilst driving in London one day
I happened to meet Tina Fey
I said, "Well, hello!"
She answered, "Oh, no!"

Nymtoc
03-04-2012, 08:17 PM
Whilst driving in London one day
I happened to meet Tina Fey
I said, "Well, hello!"
She answered, "Oh, no!"
Sarah Palin was coming our way!

The end of the road is not far

Lavern08
03-05-2012, 12:27 AM
The end of the road is not far
I'll catch it and seal in a jar

archerjoe
03-05-2012, 06:25 AM
The end of the road is not far
I'll catch it and seal in a jar
And send in the mail

Nymtoc
03-05-2012, 06:27 AM
The end of the road is not far
I'll catch it and seal in a jar
And send in the mail
To my friends in jail

Sir_Nigel
03-05-2012, 12:42 PM
The end of the road is not far
I'll catch it and seal in a jar
And send in the mail
To my friends in jail
with a file and a getaway car.

He slid to the floor in a heap

flyingtart
03-05-2012, 01:16 PM
He slid to the floor in a heap
So his captor thought he was asleep

Sir_Nigel
03-05-2012, 04:03 PM
He slid to the floor in a heap
So his captor thought he was asleep
In fact he was dead

flyingtart
03-05-2012, 04:55 PM
He slid to the floor in a heap
So his captor thought he was asleep
In fact he was dead
From a blow to the head

Sir_Nigel
03-05-2012, 06:18 PM
He slid to the floor in a heap
So his captor thought he was asleep
In fact he was dead
From a blow to the head
So be careful when rustling sheep.

‘Come in’ said the batty old dear

flyingtart
03-05-2012, 06:39 PM
‘Come in’ said the batty old dear
And gave him the usual bum steer

Nymtoc
03-05-2012, 10:37 PM
‘Come in’ said the batty old dear
And gave him the usual bum steer
The tea that she brewed

flyingtart
03-05-2012, 10:50 PM
‘Come in’ said the batty old dear
And gave him the usual bum steer
The tea that she brewed
Was rancid and stewed

Nymtoc
03-05-2012, 11:00 PM
‘Come in’ said the batty old dear
And gave him the usual bum steer
The tea that she brewed
Was rancid and stewed
He fled and went out for a beer.

Big Brother sees everything, Buddy,

RedHat
03-06-2012, 12:10 AM
Big Brother sees everything, Buddy,
Your life, now a government study

archerjoe
03-06-2012, 03:34 AM
Big Brother sees everything, Buddy,
Your life, now a government study
Your FBI file

Nymtoc
03-06-2012, 04:29 AM
Big Brother sees everything, Buddy,
Your life, now a government study
Your FBI file
Stretches more than a mile

Sir_Nigel
03-06-2012, 12:32 PM
Big Brother sees everything, Buddy,
Your life, now a government study
Your FBI file
Stretches more than a mile
They have photos of you in the nuddy


‘Hello’ said the sociable nun

flyingtart
03-06-2012, 01:38 PM
‘Hello’ said the sociable nun
Then to my surprise pulled out a gun

Nymtoc
03-06-2012, 02:32 PM
‘Hello’ said the sociable nun
Then to my surprise pulled out a gun
'Your jack or your life!'

RedHat
03-06-2012, 06:48 PM
‘Hello’ said the sociable nun
Then to my surprise pulled out a gun
'Your jack or your life!'
I offered my wife

Nymtoc
03-06-2012, 07:29 PM
‘Hello’ said the sociable nun
Then to my surprise pulled out a gun
'Your jack or your life!'
I offered my wife.
'Heck, that wouldn't be any fun.'

"Away with him!" thundered the judge

flyingtart
03-06-2012, 07:34 PM
"Away with him!" thundered the judge
But the hapless accused wouldn't budge

EzzyAlpha
03-06-2012, 07:57 PM
"Away with him!" thundered the judge
But the hapless accused wouldn't budge
The guards went and pushed

Sir_Nigel
03-07-2012, 12:28 PM
"Away with him!" thundered the judge
But the hapless accused wouldn't budge
The guards went and pushed
but he wouldn’t be rushed

Nymtoc
03-07-2012, 12:57 PM
"Away with him!" thundered the judge
But the hapless accused wouldn't budge
The guards went and pushed
but he wouldn’t be rushed
So they all settled down and ate fudge.

Today at a quarter to three

flyingtart
03-07-2012, 01:23 PM
Today at a quarter to three
I've a date with Matilda McPhee

Sir_Nigel
03-07-2012, 02:43 PM
Today at a quarter to three
I've a date with Matilda McPhee
She’s bonkers they say

flyingtart
03-07-2012, 04:11 PM
Today at a quarter to three
I've a date with Matilda McPhee
She’s bonkers they say
You can tell by the way

Sir_Nigel
03-07-2012, 05:52 PM
Today at a quarter to three
I've a date with Matilda McPhee
She’s bonkers they say
You can tell by the way
she sits throwing fruit from that tree.

It was dark and O’Grady was late

Nymtoc
03-07-2012, 08:30 PM
It was dark and O’Grady was late
The pudding grew cold on his plate

EzzyAlpha
03-08-2012, 02:26 AM
It was dark and O’Grady was late
The pudding grew cold on his plate
He was fishing in a bucket

Nymtoc
03-08-2012, 03:12 AM
It was dark and O’Grady was late
The pudding grew cold on his plate
He'd fished in a bucket* (corrected for meter)
But somebody tuck it

Sir_Nigel
03-08-2012, 01:33 PM
It was dark and O’Grady was late
The pudding grew cold on his plate
He'd fished in a bucket
But somebody took it
He seethed with a rancorous hate


Oh woe, cried the soothsayer, woe

flyingtart
03-08-2012, 02:04 PM
Oh woe, cried the soothsayer, woe
The Ides of March story you know

Sir_Nigel
03-08-2012, 05:08 PM
Oh woe, cried the soothsayer, woe
The Ides of March story you know
I think you should flee

RedHat
03-08-2012, 05:42 PM
Oh woe, cried the soothsayer, woe
The Ides of March story you know
I think you should flee
climb up the old tree

Lavern08
03-08-2012, 06:34 PM
Oh woe, cried the soothsayer, woe
The Ides of March story you know
I think you should flee
climb up the old tree
And get in your rocket and go.

I think that the sun will explode

flyingtart
03-08-2012, 06:58 PM
I think that the sun will explode
And leave a big mess on the road

RedHat
03-08-2012, 07:44 PM
I think that the sun will explode
And leave a big mess on the road
it's going to get cold

iLion
03-08-2012, 10:09 PM
I think that the sun will explode
And leave a big mess on the road.
it's going to get cold
Your blankets are gold

Nymtoc
03-09-2012, 11:09 AM
I think that the sun will explode
And leave a big mess on the road.
it's going to get cold
Your blankets are gold
So stack up on pie à la mode.

The train from New Delhi is late

Sir_Nigel
03-09-2012, 01:33 PM
The train from New Delhi is late
with our chickens and goats in a crate

flyingtart
03-09-2012, 01:36 PM
The train from New Delhi is late
with our chickens and goats in a crate
I'd go to Calcutta

Sir_Nigel
03-09-2012, 03:08 PM
The train from New Delhi is late
with our chickens and goats in a crate
I'd go to Calcutta
and beg in a gutter

flyingtart
03-09-2012, 03:27 PM
The train from New Delhi is late
with our chickens and goats in a crate
I'd go to Calcutta
and beg in a gutter
But I have an unmissable date


Please tell me what happened to Sue?

Sir_Nigel
03-09-2012, 03:57 PM
Please tell me what happened to Sue?
Did she sadly fall overboard too?

Lavern08
03-09-2012, 06:51 PM
Please tell me what happened to Sue?
Did she sadly fall overboard too?
No, she fell for a waiter

archerjoe
03-09-2012, 07:15 PM
Please tell me what happened to Sue?
Did she sadly fall overboard too?
No, she fell for a waiter
At a bar in Decatur

RedHat
03-09-2012, 08:21 PM
Please tell me what happened to Sue?
Did she sadly fall overboard too?
No, she fell for a waiter
At a bar in Decatur
Her wedding will be at the zoo.

I woke up and needed a hug

flyingtart
03-09-2012, 08:23 PM
I woke up and needed a hug
From a long distance trucker named Doug

Lavern08
03-09-2012, 08:38 PM
I woke up and needed a hug
From a long distance trucker named Doug
He sent me a text

iLion
03-09-2012, 09:44 PM
I woke up and needed a hug
From a long distance trucker named Doug
He sent me a text
And said i was next

Lavern08
03-10-2012, 01:18 AM
I woke up and needed a hug
From a long distance trucker named Doug
He sent me a text
And said i was next
I went back to sleep with a shrug

Once again, I'll be losing an hour

Nymtoc
03-10-2012, 02:09 AM
Once again, I'll be losing an hour
What the f***, I'll just go take a shower

flyingtart
03-12-2012, 12:13 AM
Once again, I'll be losing an hour
What the f***, I'll just go take a shower
Instead of my clock

Lavern08
03-12-2012, 12:59 AM
Once again, I'll be losing an hour
What the f***, I'll just go take a shower
Instead of my clock
I'll sleep with a rock

Nymtoc
03-12-2012, 01:09 AM
Once again, I'll be losing an hour
What the f***, I'll just go take a shower
Instead of my clock
I'll sleep with a rock
And dream of a flowery bower.

A robot walked into a bar

Lavern08
03-12-2012, 01:41 AM
A robot walked into a bar
And hit a bald dude with a jar

Matera the Mad
03-12-2012, 08:14 AM
A robot walked into a bar
And hit a bald dude with a jar
The baldy said, "Hey!"

Nymtoc
03-12-2012, 11:10 AM
A robot walked into a bar
And hit a bald dude with a jar
The baldy said, "Hey!"
The robot: "G'day."

flyingtart
03-12-2012, 01:46 PM
A robot walked into a bar
And hit a bald dude with a jar
The baldy said, "Hey!"
The robot: "G'day."
Then he drove to the sea in his car.


When life gives you lemons, my lad

Nymtoc
03-12-2012, 02:11 PM
When life gives you lemons, my lad
You'll find rum with a squeeze isn't bad

Sir_Nigel
03-13-2012, 12:22 PM
When life gives you lemons, my lad
You'll find rum with a squeeze isn't bad
So kick off your shoes

flyingtart
03-13-2012, 01:41 PM
When life gives you lemons, my lad
You'll find rum with a squeeze isn't bad
So kick off your shoes
And glug down the booze

Lavern08
03-13-2012, 06:05 PM
When life gives you lemons, my lad
You'll find rum with a squeeze isn't bad
So kick off your shoes
And glug down the booze
Rejoice, and stop looking so sad

There once was a lady named Patty

Sir_Nigel
03-13-2012, 06:14 PM
There once was a lady named Patty
who was rather forgetful and scatty

flyingtart
03-13-2012, 06:37 PM
There once was a lady named Patty
who was rather forgetful and scatty
One night, after tea

iLion
03-13-2012, 08:48 PM
There once was a lady named Patty
who was rather forgetful and scatty
One night, after tea
She made love to me

Nymtoc
03-13-2012, 09:03 PM
There once was a lady named Patty
who was rather forgetful and scatty
One night, after tea
She made love to me
In Covington, near Cincinnati.

The butler had done it, no doubt,

iLion
03-13-2012, 09:23 PM
The butler had done it, no doubt,
we found his machete, the lout!

Lavern08
03-13-2012, 09:57 PM
The butler had done it, no doubt,
we found his machete, the lout!
He tried to deny it

flyingtart
03-13-2012, 10:31 PM
The butler had done it, no doubt,
we found his machete, the lout!
He tried to deny it
But I saw through his lie, it

Sir_Nigel
03-14-2012, 02:32 PM
The butler had done it, no doubt,
we found his machete, the lout!
He tried to deny it
But I saw through his lie, it
was dead with its tongue hanging out.


He was stuck for an opening line

flyingtart
03-14-2012, 03:26 PM
He was stuck for an opening line
But the one that he wrote was just fine

Sir_Nigel
03-14-2012, 03:57 PM
He was stuck for an opening line
But the one that he wrote was just fine
The next one however

flyingtart
03-14-2012, 04:14 PM
He was stuck for an opening line
But the one that he wrote was just fine
The next one however
Was something I'd never

archerjoe
03-14-2012, 05:55 PM
He was stuck for an opening line
But the one that he wrote was just fine
The next one however
Was something I'd never
Make a claim it was something of mine

The first robin of spring marked my car

iLion
03-14-2012, 08:55 PM
The first robin of spring marked my car
So I'm moving outside Kandahar

Nymtoc
03-14-2012, 09:00 PM
The first robin of spring marked my car
So I'm moving outside Kandahar
But robins there, too,

archerjoe
03-14-2012, 09:01 PM
The first robin of spring marked my car
So I'm moving outside Kandahar
But robins there, too,
Are great aim with poo

iLion
03-14-2012, 09:19 PM
The first robin of spring marked my car
So I'm moving outside Kandahar
But robins there, too,
Are great aim with poo
So I'll coat all its feathers with tar.

I think that I never will see

flyingtart
03-14-2012, 09:21 PM
I think that I never will see
A scorpion wed to a bee

Nymtoc
03-14-2012, 09:21 PM
I think that I never will see
A scorpion wed to a bee
Their stings, you know,

RedHat
03-14-2012, 10:14 PM
I think that I never will see
A scorpion wed to a bee
Their stings, you know,
enhance the skin's glow,

flyingtart
03-15-2012, 02:01 PM
I think that I never will see
A scorpion wed to a bee
Their stings, you know,
enhance the skin's glow,
But they just make them both want to pee


Don't ever eat cold ratatouille

Sir_Nigel
03-15-2012, 02:20 PM
Don't ever eat cold ratatouille
You’ll just go plueergh and phooey

Nymtoc
03-15-2012, 06:44 PM
Don't ever eat cold ratatouille
You’ll just go plueergh and phooey
Instead, eat raw eggs

Sir_Nigel
03-15-2012, 06:52 PM
Don't ever eat cold ratatouille
You’ll just go plueergh and phooey
Instead, eat raw eggs
and other folks’ dregs

lyael
03-15-2012, 11:52 PM
Don't ever eat cold ratatouille
You’ll just go plueergh and phooey
Instead, eat raw eggs
and other folks’ dregs
And you'll find your complexion's gone dewy.

Ode to Frosting:

Oh, buttercream, oozing--delicious

Nymtoc
03-16-2012, 03:28 AM
Oh, buttercream, oozing--delicious
You go straight to my gluteus maximus
You ruin my diet

lyael
03-16-2012, 04:15 AM
Oh, buttercream, oozing--delicious
You go straight to my gluteus maximus
You ruin my diet
What the hell...fry it

archerjoe
03-16-2012, 05:43 AM
Oh, buttercream, oozing--delicious
You go straight to my gluteus maximus
You ruin my diet
What the hell...fry it
I'll keep my big booty conspicuous

Oh, officer, these cuffs are tight

Nymtoc
03-16-2012, 05:52 AM
Oh, officer, these cuffs are tight
Please loosen them. I'll make it right.

flyingtart
03-16-2012, 02:02 PM
Oh, officer, these cuffs are tight
Please loosen them. I'll make it right.
I never intended

Lavern08
03-16-2012, 05:11 PM
Oh, officer, these cuffs are tight
Please loosen them. I'll make it right.
I never intended
I just got so winded

RedHat
03-16-2012, 11:08 PM
Oh, officer, these cuffs are tight
Please loosen them. I'll make it right.
I never intended
I just got so winded
Don't put me with Bubba tonight!


March Madness is finally here

flyingtart
03-16-2012, 11:30 PM
March Madness is finally here
It may lead to trouble I fear

Nymtoc
03-16-2012, 11:51 PM
March Madness is finally here
It may lead to trouble I fear
If my teams don't win

Lavern08
03-16-2012, 11:59 PM
March Madness is finally here
It may lead to trouble I fear
If my teams don't win
And gambling's a sin

Nymtoc
03-17-2012, 12:30 AM
March Madness is finally here
It may lead to trouble I fear
If my teams don't win
And gambling's a sin
I've still got six six-packs of beer.

"How lovely you look!" said Miss Tanny

Pthom
03-17-2012, 05:15 AM
"How lovely you look!" said Miss Tanny,
Hemming dresses and skirts for dear Annie.