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Nymtoc
12-27-2011, 03:54 AM
Nurse Ratchet's McMurphy's bete noire
Was a naked man in her boudoir
His ranting and raving,
That thing he kept waving

annetpfeffer
12-27-2011, 04:36 AM
Nurse Ratchet's McMurphy's bete noire
Was a naked man in her boudoir
His ranting and raving,
That thing he kept waving ....
Nurse Ratchet went straight to the bar.


On days when you're troubled by doubt

screenscope
12-27-2011, 06:20 AM
On days when you're troubled by doubt
And don't know what life's all about

annetpfeffer
12-27-2011, 06:39 AM
On days when you're troubled by doubt
And don't know what life's all about
Just go around smiling

iLion
12-27-2011, 09:38 PM
On days when you're troubled by doubt
And don't know what life's all about
Just go around smiling,
All naked, beguiling,

flyingtart
12-27-2011, 10:43 PM
On days when you're troubled by doubt
And don't know what life's all about
Just go around smiling,
All naked, beguiling,
And give all the wankers a clout


No, no, you must not put it there!

Pthom
12-27-2011, 11:29 PM
No, no, you must not put it there!
It doesn't look good in my hair!

Matera the Mad
12-28-2011, 01:26 AM
wottever

Nymtoc
12-28-2011, 01:26 AM
No, no, you must not put it there!
It doesn't look good in my hair!
It looks like a mouse
And belongs on my blouse

flyingtart
12-28-2011, 03:18 PM
No, no, you must not put it there!
It doesn't look good in my hair!
It looks like a mouse
And belongs on my blouse
Now go fetch it, you rascally mare!

Miss Summers was teaching her class

annetpfeffer
12-28-2011, 04:51 PM
Miss Summers was teaching her class
The boys were all eyeing her ass

MidlifeMark
12-28-2011, 08:57 PM
Miss Summers was teaching her class
The boys were all eyeing her ass
It was not round and pink

iLion
12-28-2011, 09:15 PM
Miss Summers was teaching her class
The boys were all eyeing her ass
It was not round and pink
But they heard it could wink

Nymtoc
12-28-2011, 10:33 PM
Miss Summers was teaching her class
The boys were all eyeing her ass
It was not round and pink
But they heard it could wink
And it twinkled like fancy cut glass.

The New Year is four days away

Matera the Mad
12-28-2011, 11:09 PM
The New Year is four days away
So let's carpe diem, as they say

Nymtoc
12-29-2011, 09:56 AM
The New Year is four days away
So let's carpe diem, as they say
Let's hear the corks pop

flyingtart
12-29-2011, 01:57 PM
The New Year is four days away
So let's carpe diem, as they say
Let's hear the corks pop
And Auld Lang Synes swap

Nymtoc
12-30-2011, 07:34 AM
The New Year is four days away
So let's carpe diem, as they say
Let's hear the corks pop
And Auld Lang Synes swap
And gorge at a midnight buffet!

No rest for the wicked, I hear

Matera the Mad
12-30-2011, 09:05 AM
No rest for the wicked, I hear
I shall get no more naps, I do fear

flyingtart
12-30-2011, 03:06 PM
No rest for the wicked, I hear
I shall get no more naps, I do fear
But who wants to snooze

Nymtoc
12-30-2011, 06:45 PM
No rest for the wicked, I hear
I shall get no more naps, I do fear
But who wants to snooze
When there's plenty of booze

Pthom
12-30-2011, 09:22 PM
No rest for the wicked, I hear
I shall get no more naps, I do fear
But who wants to snooze
When there's plenty of booze
And a keg of micro-brewed beer?

See, next year will no doubt be better.

Chrissy
12-30-2011, 09:43 PM
See, next year will no doubt be better.
The proof is right here, in this letter.

iLion
12-30-2011, 10:08 PM
See, next year will no doubt be better.
The proof is right here, in this letter.
I won tons of gold

flyingtart
12-30-2011, 11:47 PM
See, next year will no doubt be better.
The proof is right here, in this letter.
I won tons of gold
And if I may be bold

Nymtoc
12-31-2011, 12:26 AM
See, next year will no doubt be better.
The proof is right here, in this letter.
I won tons of gold
And if I may be bold
Lady Luck's here, and I'm gonna get 'er.

Next year I'll resolve not to sin

Matera the Mad
12-31-2011, 10:26 AM
Next year I'll resolve not to sin
Unless, of course, there's something in

flyingtart
12-31-2011, 11:08 PM
Next year I'll resolve not to sin
Unless, of course, there's something in
The well known saying

flyingtart
01-02-2012, 12:46 AM
Next year I'll resolve not to sin
Unless, of course, there's something in
The well known saying
"Sin is paying"

Nymtoc
01-02-2012, 01:40 AM
Next year I'll resolve not to sin
Unless, of course, there's something in
The well known saying
"Sin is paying"
In which case, I'm in with a grin.

This year, say the Maya, we're done

flyingtart
01-02-2012, 04:50 PM
This year, say the Maya, we're done
So I say go out and have fun

Lavern08
01-03-2012, 07:50 PM
This year, say the Maya, we're done
So I say go out and have fun
But what if they lied?

Pthom
01-03-2012, 11:33 PM
This year, say the Maya, we're done
So I say go out and have fun
But what if they lied?
If the internet died?

flyingtart
01-04-2012, 01:44 PM
This year, say the Maya, we're done
So I say go out and have fun
But what if they lied?
If the internet died?
I wouldn't be sorry, for one.


The internet's ruined my life

Nymtoc
01-04-2012, 01:51 PM
The internet's ruined my life
Some bloke on the web stole my wife!

Sir_Nigel
01-04-2012, 03:03 PM
The internet's ruined my life
Some bloke on the web stole my wife!
When I bought a new bride

flyingtart
01-04-2012, 03:28 PM
The internet's ruined my life
Some bloke on the web stole my wife!
When I bought a new bride
She was able to hide

Lavern08
01-04-2012, 08:40 PM
The internet's ruined my life
Some bloke on the web stole my wife!
When I bought a new bride
She was able to hide
The fact that she came with a knife.

I think I'll stay single for now

Nymtoc
01-05-2012, 02:18 AM
I think I'll stay single for now,
Content with my pig and my cow,

Matera the Mad
01-05-2012, 03:21 AM
I think I'll stay single for now,
Content with my pig and my cow,
Although a few sheep

Sir_Nigel
01-05-2012, 12:53 PM
I think I'll stay single for now,
Content with my pig and my cow,
Although a few sheep
might help me to sleep

Nymtoc
01-05-2012, 02:10 PM
I think I'll stay single for now,
Content with my pig and my cow,
Although a few sheep
might help me to sleep
And dream of a lustige Frau.

I wander alone through the snow

flyingtart
01-05-2012, 02:24 PM
I wander alone through the snow
Wondering which way to go

Sir_Nigel
01-05-2012, 02:32 PM
I wander alone through the snow
Wondering which way to go
Down and dejected

flyingtart
01-05-2012, 03:43 PM
I wander alone through the snow
Wondering which way to go
Down and dejected
I never expected

Sir_Nigel
01-05-2012, 05:56 PM
I wander alone through the snow
Wondering which way to go
Down and dejected
I never expected
they’d want so much Ho bloody Ho.


There were screams in the stormy black night

slcboston
01-05-2012, 07:17 PM
There were screams in the stormy black night
And dark shapes moving just out of sight

flyingtart
01-05-2012, 07:46 PM
There were screams in the stormy black night
And dark shapes moving just out of sight
I heard someone say

Nymtoc
01-06-2012, 04:35 AM
There were screams in the stormy black night
And dark shapes moving just out of sight
I heard someone say,
"Get out of my way!"

Chrissy
01-06-2012, 05:01 AM
There were screams in the stormy black night
And dark shapes moving just out of sight
I heard someone say,
"Get out of my way!"
Then Van Gogh, hunkered low, passed in fright.


Fine art gives such joy to the soul!

Lavern08
01-06-2012, 11:13 PM
Fine art gives such joy to the soul!
Especially the "rock and the roll"

Pthom
01-07-2012, 01:49 AM
Fine art gives such joy to the soul!
Especially the "rock and the roll"
Like a blast from the past

flyingtart
01-08-2012, 04:25 PM
Fine art gives such joy to the soul!
Especially the "rock and the roll"
Like a blast from the past
It invigorates fast

Nymtoc
01-09-2012, 02:20 AM
Fine art gives such joy to the soul!
Especially the "rock and the roll"
Like a blast from the past
It invigorates fast
But coming back down takes its toll.

Miss Glotz tried some Young Again creme

Matera the Mad
01-09-2012, 11:31 AM
Miss Glotz tried some Young Again creme
But she woke in the night with a scream

Sir_Nigel
01-09-2012, 12:48 PM
Miss Glotz tried some Young Again creme
But she woke in the night with a scream
Im now only 3

flyingtart
01-09-2012, 02:00 PM
Miss Glotz tried some Young Again creme
But she woke in the night with a scream
‘I’m now only 3
And I need to pee!'

Matera the Mad
01-09-2012, 02:31 PM
Miss Glotz tried some Young Again creme
But she woke in the night with a scream
‘I’m now only 3
And I need to pee!'
But, thank goodness, 'twas only a dream.


I awoke from a half-hour cat nap

Sir_Nigel
01-09-2012, 02:42 PM
I awoke from a half-hour cat nap
with a drink-sodden trouserless fat chap

flyingtart
01-09-2012, 05:37 PM
I awoke from a half-hour cat nap
with a drink-sodden trouserless fat chap
Says I, "Who are you?"

Sir_Nigel
01-09-2012, 06:23 PM
I awoke from a half-hour cat nap
with a drink-sodden trouserless fat chap
Says I, "Who are you.
And what did we do?"

Lavern08
01-09-2012, 07:01 PM
I awoke from a half-hour cat nap
with a drink-sodden trouserless fat chap
Says I, "Who are you.
And what did we do?"
As I gave his plump cheeks a big slap.

They say that the world will be ending

iLion
01-09-2012, 09:31 PM
They say that the world will be ending
But I say they're all just pretending

flyingtart
01-09-2012, 10:40 PM
They say that the world will be ending
But I say they're all just pretending
So I am not worried

Lavern08
01-10-2012, 12:06 AM
They say that the world will be ending
But I say they're all just pretending
So I am not worried
Unless I get buried

MidlifeMark
01-10-2012, 03:04 AM
They say that the world will be ending
But I say they're all just pretending
So I am not worried
Unless I get buried
And fossilized, manhood extending.

Imagine, a petrified woodie

archerjoe
01-10-2012, 05:10 AM
Imagine, a petrified woodie
He can't be that modest but should he?

Nymtoc
01-10-2012, 06:43 AM
Imagine, a petrified woodie
He can't be that modest but should he?
He boasts of its size

MidlifeMark
01-10-2012, 07:00 AM
Imagine, a petrified woodie
He can't be that modest but should he?
He boasts of its size
And his poor wife cries

Sir_Nigel
01-10-2012, 12:48 PM
Imagine, a petrified woodie
He can't be that modest but should he?
He boasts of its size
And his poor wife cries
And it’s now on a shelf in the study.

That’s odd said the private detective

flyingtart
01-10-2012, 01:11 PM
That’s odd said the private detective
This gadget is clearly defective

Nymtoc
01-10-2012, 01:14 PM
That’s odd said the private detective
This gadget is clearly defective
The lady in red

Sir_Nigel
01-10-2012, 02:19 PM
That’s odd said the private detective
This gadget is clearly defective
The lady in red
said the battery’s dead

flyingtart
01-10-2012, 03:32 PM
That’s odd said the private detective
This gadget is clearly defective
The lady in red
said the battery’s dead
Then went off on some purple invective


I don't comprehend what you mean

MidlifeMark
01-10-2012, 04:32 PM
I don't comprehend what you mean
I'll wager it must be obscene

Sir_Nigel
01-10-2012, 06:05 PM
I don't comprehend what you mean
I'll wager it must be obscene
Your insinuations

MidlifeMark
01-10-2012, 07:21 PM
I don't comprehend what you mean
I'll wager it must be obscene
Your insinuations
Of carnal relations

Nymtoc
01-11-2012, 05:02 AM
I don't comprehend what you mean
I'll wager it must be obscene
Your insinuations
Of carnal relations
Deserve no response. They're unclean.

Elections are won by the rich

flyingtart
01-11-2012, 02:47 PM
Elections are won by the rich
Democracy's really a bitch

Sir_Nigel
01-11-2012, 04:41 PM
Elections are won by the rich
Democracy's really a bitch
Lets move to Iran

flyingtart
01-11-2012, 06:48 PM
Elections are won by the rich
Democracy's really a bitch
Lets move to Iran
Like anyone can

Nymtoc
01-12-2012, 11:05 AM
Elections are won by the rich
Democracy's really a bitch
Lets move to Iran
Like anyone can
Ahmadinejad won't mind the switch.

Today I'm a hundred and one

Sir_Nigel
01-12-2012, 12:23 PM
Today I'm a hundred and one
and any day now I'll be gone

flyingtart
01-12-2012, 01:25 PM
Today I'm a hundred and one
and any day now I'll be gone
But I still feel sprightly

Eternal
01-12-2012, 01:31 PM
Today I'm a hundred and one
and any day now i'll be gone
but i still feel sprightly
because i fornicate nightly

Sir_Nigel
01-12-2012, 06:14 PM
Today I'm a hundred and one
and any day now I'll be gone
but I still feel sprightly
because I fornicate nightly
with Clarabelle, Fifi and Ron


The sky was disturbingly brown

flyingtart
01-12-2012, 06:46 PM
The sky was disturbingly brown
And it shed slimy scales on the town

Matera the Mad
01-12-2012, 09:15 PM
The sky was disturbingly brown
And it shed slimy scales on the town
Had Cthulhu arrived?

iLion
01-13-2012, 06:00 AM
The sky was disturbingly brown
And it shed slimy scales on the town
Had Cthulhu arrived?
Are we chucked.. are we jived?

Nymtoc
01-13-2012, 06:37 AM
The sky was disturbingly brown
And it shed slimy scales on the town
Had Cthulhu arrived?
Are we chucked.. are we jived?
Is there mud on the Alice blue gown?

"I like firing people," said Mitt

Matera the Mad
01-13-2012, 11:16 AM
"I like firing people," said Mitt
And to prove it, he dumped, in a fit,

flyingtart
01-13-2012, 01:43 PM
"I like firing people," said Mitt
And to prove it, he dumped, in a fit,
The guys in accounts

Sir_Nigel
01-13-2012, 02:09 PM
"I like firing people," said Mitt
And to prove it, he dumped, in a fit,
The guys in accounts
who made up amounts

flyingtart
01-13-2012, 04:47 PM
"I like firing people," said Mitt
And to prove it, he dumped, in a fit,
The guys in accounts
who made up amounts
On invoices so full of shit


McTeagle, the world's fastest bowler

iLion
01-13-2012, 09:39 PM
McTeagle, the world's fastest bowler
Is known to be somewhat bipolar

Lavern08
01-14-2012, 12:19 AM
McTeagle, the world's fastest bowler
Is known to be somewhat bipolar
He cries when he's down

flyingtart
01-14-2012, 01:02 AM
McTeagle, the world's fastest bowler
Is known to be somewhat bipolar
He cries when he's down
Then raves round the town

Nymtoc
01-14-2012, 02:33 AM
McTeagle, the world's fastest bowler
Is known to be somewhat bipolar
He cries when he's down
Then raves round the town
He's lunar, but sometimes he's solar.

Two elephants met on the plain

archerjoe
01-14-2012, 04:51 AM
Two elephants met on the plain
As Dali brushed oils in old Spain

Nymtoc
01-14-2012, 12:02 PM
Two elephants met on the plain
As Dali brushed oils in old Spain
Their trunks were surreal

flyingtart
01-15-2012, 04:34 PM
Two elephants met on the plain
As Dali brushed oils in old Spain
Their trunks were surreal
So I did somehow feel

Chrissy
01-15-2012, 05:43 PM
Two elephants met on the plain
As Dali brushed oils in old Spain
Their trunks were surreal
So I did somehow feel
The pachyderm's nose was to blame


Geographically speaking, I'm lost

Sir_Nigel
01-16-2012, 05:22 PM
Geographically speaking, I'm lost
And I’m stuck for a witty reposte

flyingtart
01-16-2012, 05:52 PM
Geographically speaking, I'm lost
And I’m stuck for a witty reposte
Perhaps if I ask

Eternal
01-16-2012, 05:56 PM
Geographically speaking, I'm lost
And I'm stuck for a witty reposte
Perhaps if I ask
For help with this task

Nymtoc
01-17-2012, 01:24 AM
Geographically speaking, I'm lost
And I'm stuck for a witty reposte
Perhaps if I ask
For help with this task
We'll see that this lim'rick gets tossed.

It came like a bolt from the blue

Eternal
01-17-2012, 02:02 AM
It came like a bolt from the blue
The pain, the cramps, then the poo

flyingtart
01-17-2012, 01:47 PM
It came like a bolt from the blue
The pain, the cramps, then the poo
A river of lava

Nymtoc
01-17-2012, 06:27 PM
It came like a bolt from the blue
The pain, the cramps, then the poo
A river of lava
From Fuji or Java

flyingtart
01-17-2012, 07:06 PM
It came like a bolt from the blue
The pain, the cramps, then the poo
A river of lava
From Fuji or Java
Was nothing like this Number 2!


The Duchess was filled with contrition

iLion
01-17-2012, 09:46 PM
The Duchess was filled with contrition
For giving away ammunition

Nymtoc
01-18-2012, 04:39 AM
The Duchess was filled with contrition
For giving away ammunition
"You fool!" said the Queen

flyingtart
01-18-2012, 02:13 PM
The Duchess was filled with contrition
For giving away ammunition
"You fool!" said the Queen
"This can only mean

Nymtoc
01-19-2012, 06:51 AM
The Duchess was filled with contrition
For giving away ammunition
"You fool!" said the Queen
"This can only mean
That your head will soon suffer partition!"

A horny young rabbit called Chucky

Sir_Nigel
01-19-2012, 12:26 PM
A horny young rabbit called Chucky
shouted 'Hey babe you wanna get lucky?'

flyingtart
01-19-2012, 01:21 PM
A horny young rabbit called Chucky
shouted 'Hey babe you wanna get lucky?'
But the sultry doe

iLion
01-19-2012, 10:41 PM
A horny young rabbit called Chucky
shouted 'Hey babe you wanna get lucky?'
But the sultry doe
Was simply no ho

Nymtoc
01-20-2012, 02:13 AM
A horny young rabbit called Chucky
shouted 'Hey babe you wanna get lucky?'
But the sultry doe
Was simply no ho
So she answered, "Go blow your nose, Ducky."

The clock struck a quarter to three

Sir_Nigel
01-20-2012, 12:55 PM
The clock struck a quarter to three
And the gravedigger shouted Whoopee

flyingtart
01-20-2012, 01:52 PM
The clock struck a quarter to three
And the gravedigger shouted Whoopee
His dog was surprised

Sir_Nigel
01-20-2012, 02:28 PM
The clock struck a quarter to three
And the gravedigger shouted Whoopee
His dog was surprised
and medium-sized

Nymtoc
01-20-2012, 03:46 PM
The clock struck a quarter to three
And the gravedigger shouted Whoopee
His dog was surprised
and medium-sized
And he went on a bone-digging spree.

I'm giving my neighbor a snake

flyingtart
01-20-2012, 04:29 PM
I'm giving my neighbor a snake
I'm hiding it inside a cake

Sir_Nigel
01-20-2012, 05:03 PM
I'm giving my neighbour a snake
I'm hiding it inside a cake
with a poisonous spider

iLion
01-20-2012, 09:28 PM
I'm giving my neighbour a snake
I'm hiding it inside a cake
with a poisonous spider
She'll have it inside her

Lavern08
01-20-2012, 10:27 PM
I'm giving my neighbour a snake
I'm hiding it inside a cake
with a poisonous spider
She'll have it inside her
It'll be very tricky to bake.

Sweeney Todd was a very odd fellow

iLion
01-20-2012, 10:36 PM
Sweeney Todd was a very odd fellow
Who shocked us where he jammed a marshmellow

archerjoe
01-21-2012, 08:40 AM
Sweeney Todd was a very odd fellow
Who shocked us where he jammed a marshmellow
If you're faint of heart

Nymtoc
01-21-2012, 04:56 PM
Sweeney Todd was a very odd fellow
Who shocked us where he jammed a marshmellow
If you're faint of heart
Then don't even start

flyingtart
01-21-2012, 05:03 PM
Sweeney Todd was a very odd fellow
Who shocked us where he jammed a marshmellow
If you're faint of heart
Then don't even start
To hear how he'd holler and bellow


A salty old sea dog from France

Robbert
01-21-2012, 05:19 PM
A salty old sea dog from France
Arrived in Dover and took up a defensive stance

Nymtoc
01-21-2012, 05:25 PM
A salty old sea dog from France
Took in Dover a defensive stance (*meter)
One leg was of wood

archerjoe
01-21-2012, 07:27 PM
A salty old sea dog from France
Took in Dover a defensive stance
One leg was of wood
And with it he could

Robbert
01-21-2012, 11:37 PM
A salty old sea dog from France
Took in Dover a defensive stance
One leg was of wood
And with it he could
Whack you over your head by chance

The merry-go-round was for free

flyingtart
01-22-2012, 12:47 AM
The merry-go-round was for free
But that did not interest me

Nymtoc
01-22-2012, 02:11 AM
The merry-go-round was for free
But that did not interest me
I'd rather play chess

Robbert
01-22-2012, 02:33 AM
The merry-go-round was for free
But that did not interest me
I'd rather play chess
Than end up in a mess

Nymtoc
01-22-2012, 05:47 AM
The merry-go-round was for free
But that did not interest me
I'd rather play chess
Than end up in a mess
On a horse with the p'tite bourgeoisie.

Be virtuous, and you'll succeed.

Sir_Nigel
01-23-2012, 12:31 PM
Be virtuous, and you'll succeed.
and lay off the booze and the weed

flyingtart
01-23-2012, 01:44 PM
Be virtuous, and you'll succeed.
and lay off the booze and the weed
If you believe that

Nymtoc
01-23-2012, 09:39 PM
Be virtuous, and you'll succeed.
and lay off the booze and the weed
If you believe that
I'm eating my hat

Sir_Nigel
01-24-2012, 12:33 PM
Be virtuous, and you'll succeed.
and lay off the booze and the weed
If you believe that
I'm eating my hat
‘Cos what about Oliver Reed??


He slumped his in armchair and thought

flyingtart
01-24-2012, 01:41 PM
He slumped his in armchair and thought
'My life has amounted to nought'

Sir_Nigel
01-24-2012, 02:16 PM
He slumped his in armchair and thought
'My life has amounted to nought'
He pondered and sighed

Nymtoc
01-24-2012, 02:29 PM
He slumped his in armchair and thought
'My life has amounted to nought'
He pondered and sighed
Then broke down and cried

Sir_Nigel
01-24-2012, 04:50 PM
He slumped his in armchair and thought
'My life has amounted to nought'
He pondered and sighed
Then broke down and cried.
And his trousers were rather too short.



He picked at a thread on his sleeve

Chrissy
01-24-2012, 05:01 PM
He picked at a thread on his sleeve
Though his wife had proclaimed it a peeve

Lavern08
01-24-2012, 07:08 PM
He picked at a thread on his sleeve
Though his wife had proclaimed it a peeve
He just didn't care

flyingtart
01-24-2012, 07:33 PM
He picked at a thread on his sleeve
Though his wife had proclaimed it a peeve
He just didn't care
And he told her right there

iLion
01-24-2012, 09:53 PM
He picked at a thread on his sleeve
Though his wife had proclaimed it a peeve
He just didn't care
And he told her right there
If you knit me another, I'll heave.

In the summer I laid on the grass

flyingtart
01-25-2012, 12:53 AM
In the summer I laid on the grass
And a horse fly bit me on the ass

Chrissy
01-25-2012, 12:57 AM
In the summer I laid on the grass
And a horse fly bit me on the ass
'Spose that's what I get

flyingtart
01-25-2012, 01:52 PM
In the summer I laid on the grass
And a horse fly bit me on the ass
'Spose that's what I get
But what do you bet

iLion
01-25-2012, 09:42 PM
In the summer I laid on the grass
And a horse fly bit me on the ass
'Spose that's what I get
But what do you bet
That fly's gonna die from the gas.

The poet was deeply in love

Nymtoc
01-26-2012, 07:34 AM
The poet was deeply in love
He sent his fair lady a dove

iLion
01-26-2012, 08:12 AM
The poet was deeply in love
He sent his fair lady a dove
She had it for lunch

Nymtoc
01-26-2012, 10:48 AM
The poet was deeply in love
He sent his fair lady a dove
She had it for lunch
With mugs of rum punch

Sir_Nigel
01-26-2012, 01:22 PM
The poet was deeply in love
He sent his fair lady a dove
She had it for lunch
With mugs of rum punch
She was nuts so he gave her the shove.


He found he had only one shoe

flyingtart
01-26-2012, 01:23 PM
The poet was deeply in love
He sent his fair lady a dove
She had it for lunch
With mugs of rum punch
Before giving the poor sap the shove


He found he had only one shoe
And just couldn't think what to do

Sir_Nigel
01-26-2012, 04:39 PM
He found he had only one shoe
And just couldn't think what to do
But he found an old boot

iLion
01-26-2012, 11:14 PM
He found he had only one shoe
And just couldn't think what to do
But he found an old boot
And a moth eaten suit

Lavern08
01-27-2012, 12:26 AM
He found he had only one shoe
And just couldn't think what to do
But he found an old boot
And a moth eaten suit
And a hat that was almost brand new.

Now off to the wedding he hurried

archerjoe
01-27-2012, 04:22 AM
Now off to the wedding he hurried
The bridesmaids all looked up and scurried

Pthom
01-27-2012, 04:38 AM
Now off to the wedding he hurried
The bridesmaids all looked up and scurried
The preacher was bare

Sir_Nigel
01-27-2012, 01:28 PM
Now off to the wedding he hurried
The bridesmaids all looked up and scurried
The preacher was bare
and he lounged on a chair

Nymtoc
01-27-2012, 01:41 PM
Now off to the wedding he hurried
The bridesmaids all looked up and scurried
The preacher was bare
and he lounged on a chair
While eating a bowl of shrimp, curried.

Rasputin was one clever dude

flyingtart
01-27-2012, 01:45 PM
Rasputin was one clever dude
But his jokes were reputedly rude

Sir_Nigel
01-27-2012, 03:07 PM
Rasputin was one clever dude
But his jokes were reputedly rude
A bike riding nun

Lavern08
01-27-2012, 06:44 PM
Rasputin was one clever dude
But his jokes were reputedly rude
A bike riding nun
Poked him with her gun

Sir_Nigel
01-27-2012, 07:03 PM
Rasputin was one clever dude
But his jokes were reputedly rude
A bike riding nun
Poked him with her gun
But the punchline’s a little too crude


Three Pandas walked into bar

Lavern08
01-27-2012, 07:55 PM
Three Pandas walked into bar
Twelve clowns tumbled out of a car

iLion
01-27-2012, 09:56 PM
Three Pandas walked into a bar
Twelve clowns tumbled out of a car
There's a punch line , I'm sure

Nymtoc
01-28-2012, 03:20 AM
Three Pandas walked into a bar
Twelve clowns tumbled out of a car
There's a punch line, I'm sure.
If you think of one, you're

Albedo of Zero
01-28-2012, 05:03 AM
Three Pandas walked into a bar
Twelve clowns tumbled out of a car
There's a punch line, I'm sure.
If you think of one, you're
Pulitzer worthy, that's who I are.


The recipe asked for two eggs

Matera the Mad
01-28-2012, 07:45 AM
The recipe asked for two eggs
But the cook read, instead, for two yeggs

flyingtart
01-29-2012, 03:52 PM
The recipe asked for two eggs
But the cook read, instead, for two yeggs
So her measly cake

Nymtoc
01-30-2012, 01:42 AM
The recipe asked for two eggs
But the cook read, instead, for two yeggs
So her measly cake
Was a grisly mistake

Matera the Mad
01-30-2012, 07:01 AM
The recipe asked for two eggs
But the cook read, instead, for two yeggs
So her measly cake
Was a grisly mistake
For two criminals -- all but the legs


When the counter was reset at zero

Nymtoc
01-30-2012, 01:22 PM
When the counter was reset at zero
We blamed the mechanic Shapiro

flyingtart
01-30-2012, 01:44 PM
When the counter was reset at zero
We blamed the mechanic Shapiro
But when he got the sack

iLion
01-30-2012, 09:28 PM
When the counter was reset at zero
We blamed the mechanic Shapiro
But when he got the sack
He swore he'd come back

annetpfeffer
01-31-2012, 07:24 AM
When the counter was reset at zero
We blamed the mechanic Shapiro
But when he got the sack
He swore he'd come back,
the invincible conquering hero.


Today I was tired and cross

Nymtoc
01-31-2012, 08:43 AM
Today I was tired and cross
I said, "This job sucks!" to my boss

Sir_Nigel
01-31-2012, 12:39 PM
Today I was tired and cross
I said, "This job sucks!" to my boss
He said he agreed

flyingtart
01-31-2012, 01:47 PM
Today I was tired and cross
I said, "This job sucks!" to my boss
He said he agreed
And with great speed

Nymtoc
01-31-2012, 02:07 PM
Today I was tired and cross
I said, "This job sucks!" to my boss
He said he agreed
And with great speed
He did me soon out the door toss.*

* The syntax comes from my studying German. ;)

I man with horns asked me to sign

Lavern08
01-31-2012, 07:11 PM
A man with horns asked me to sign
He promised I'd end up just fine

Nymtoc
01-31-2012, 08:08 PM
A man with horns asked me to sign
He promised I'd end up just fine
I said, "What's your goal?"

Lavern08
01-31-2012, 08:20 PM
A man with horns asked me to sign
He promised I'd end up just fine
I said, "What's your goal?"
He answered, "Your soul."

annetpfeffer
01-31-2012, 08:44 PM
A man with horns asked me to sign
He promised I'd end up just fine
I said, "What's your goal?"
He answered, "Your soul."
I said "I'll politely decline."



My goal is to end up in heaven

Lavern08
01-31-2012, 08:51 PM
My goal is to end up in heaven
I've felt that way since I was seven

iLion
01-31-2012, 09:29 PM
My goal is to end up in heaven
I've felt that way since I was seven
The price is too high

flyingtart
01-31-2012, 11:48 PM
My goal is to end up in heaven
I've felt that way since I was seven
The price is too high
For a seat in the sky

MidlifeMark
02-01-2012, 04:39 AM
My goal is to end up in heaven
I've felt that way since I was seven
The price is too high
For a seat in the sky
When working at 7-eleven.

The Giants, they don't stand a chance

Sir_Nigel
02-01-2012, 12:33 PM
The Giants, they don't stand a chance
when asking a Dwarf for romance

flyingtart
02-01-2012, 01:15 PM
The Giants, they don't stand a chance
when asking a Dwarf for romance
Logistically speaking

Sir_Nigel
02-01-2012, 01:39 PM
The Giants, they don't stand a chance
when asking a Dwarf for romance
Logistically speaking
the process needs tweaking

Nymtoc
02-01-2012, 02:07 PM
The Giants, they don't stand a chance
when asking a Dwarf for romance
Logistically speaking
the process needs tweaking
But they'll do a victory dance.

The Pats, on the other hand, suck

Sir_Nigel
02-01-2012, 02:29 PM
The Pats, on the other hand, suck
Over there is some paint drying, look!

flyingtart
02-01-2012, 03:01 PM
The Pats, on the other hand, suck
Over there is some paint drying, look!
Poor Limeys like us

Sir_Nigel
02-01-2012, 03:02 PM
The Pats, on the other hand, suck
Over there is some paint drying, look!
Poor Limeys like us
just don't get the buzz

flyingtart
02-01-2012, 04:07 PM
The Pats, on the other hand, suck
Over there is some paint drying, look!
Poor Limeys like us
just don't get the buzz
Perhaps we should go write a book.


If you are a fan of romance

Sir_Nigel
02-01-2012, 05:00 PM
If you are a fan of romance
I know a new hot Latin dance

Lavern08
02-01-2012, 06:18 PM
If you are a fan of romance
I know a new hot Latin dance
It's called the "Hot Tweety"

iLion
02-01-2012, 09:21 PM
If you are a fan of romance
I know a new hot Latin dance
It's called the "Hot Tweety"
You wiggle your seaty

Nymtoc
02-01-2012, 11:26 PM
If you are a fan of romance
I know a new hot Latin dance
It's called the "Hot Tweety"
You wiggle your seaty
The rest is a matter of chance.

My boss wants to see me today

flyingtart
02-01-2012, 11:50 PM
My boss wants to see me today
I'm hoping he'll increase my pay

Sir_Nigel
02-03-2012, 12:42 PM
My boss wants to see me today
I'm hoping he'll increase my pay
Or has he found out

Nymtoc
02-03-2012, 01:25 PM
My boss wants to see me today
I'm hoping he'll increase my pay
Or has he found out
With his wife I'm a lout

flyingtart
02-03-2012, 02:00 PM
My boss wants to see me today
I'm hoping he'll increase my pay
Or has he found out
With his wife I'm a lout?
If so, I don't know what I'll say


David Hasselhoff lives down my street

Lavern08
02-03-2012, 07:40 PM
David Hasselhoff lives down my street
I'm prepared for the moment we meet

iLion
02-03-2012, 09:22 PM
David Hasselhoff lives down my street
I'm prepared for the moment we meet
I'll flash my boobs

Nymtoc
02-04-2012, 05:08 AM
David Hasselhoff lives down my street
I'm prepared for the moment we meet
I'll flash my boobs
And hand him Jujubes

flyingtart
02-04-2012, 04:59 PM
David Hasselhoff lives down my street
I'm prepared for the moment we meet
I'll flash my boobs
And hand him Jujubes
That should make him fall at my feet


Sherlock Holmes was a master detective

Nymtoc
02-04-2012, 05:53 PM
Sherlock Holmes was a master detective,
His methods profoundly effective,

Steve Coate
02-05-2012, 11:01 AM
Sherlock Holmes was a master detective,
His methods profoundly effective,
and more than sound.

annetpfeffer
02-05-2012, 11:35 AM
Sherlock Holmes was a master detective,
His methods profoundly effective,
and better than sound.
In fact, Sherlock found
_________________

flyingtart
02-05-2012, 01:16 PM
Sherlock Holmes was a master detective,
His methods profoundly effective,
and better than sound.
In fact, Sherlock found
The culprit, as per his objective


A monocled cad was McBrain

Nymtoc
02-05-2012, 01:23 PM
A monocled cad was McBrain,
Self-satisfied, fickle and vain

annetpfeffer
02-06-2012, 03:35 AM
A monocled cad was McBrain,
Self-satisfied, fickle and vain
Said he, "I'm a god."

Pthom
02-06-2012, 05:34 AM
A monocled cad was McBrain,
Self-satisfied, fickle and vain
Said he, "I'm a god."
Said she, "You're a clod!"

Nymtoc
02-06-2012, 08:50 AM
A monocled cad was McBrain,
Self-satisfied, fickle and vain
Said he, "I'm a god."
Said she, "You're a clod!"
And his ego went straight down the drain.

I have a pet dragon, you know

flyingtart
02-06-2012, 01:28 PM
I have a pet dragon, you know
It follows wherever I go

Sir_Nigel
02-06-2012, 02:41 PM
I have a pet dragon, you know
It follows wherever I go
It eats little lambs

flyingtart
02-06-2012, 07:12 PM
I have a pet dragon, you know
It follows wherever I go
It eats little lambs
With carrots and yams

Nymtoc
02-06-2012, 07:46 PM
I have a pet dragon, you know
It follows wherever I go
It eats little lambs
With carrots and yams
And sometimes a fawn or a doe.

Lord Barfston was merry tonight

iLion
02-06-2012, 09:26 PM
Lord Barfston was merry tonight;
He drank all the whiskey in sight

Nymtoc
02-07-2012, 04:19 AM
Lord Barfston was merry tonight;
He drank all the whiskey in sight
He pinched every wench

MidlifeMark
02-07-2012, 05:13 AM
Lord Barfston was merry tonight;
He drank all the whiskey in sight
He pinched every wench
On every park bench

Pthom
02-07-2012, 06:06 AM
Lord Barfston was merry tonight;
He drank all the whiskey in sight
He pinched every wench
On every park bench
And passed out in the dawn's early light.

But bench wenches are so delightful!

annetpfeffer
02-07-2012, 06:43 AM
But bench wenches are so delightful,
The lord's sordid lust was so frightful,

Albedo of Zero
02-07-2012, 08:08 AM
But bench wenches are so delightful,
The lord's sordid lust was so frightful,
'til he met Maid Tosscookies

Sir_Nigel
02-07-2012, 01:15 PM
But bench wenches are so delightful,
The lord's sordid lust was so frightful,
'til he met Maid Tosscookies
(with a face like a Wookie’s)

flyingtart
02-07-2012, 01:16 PM
But bench wenches are so delightful,
The lord's sordid lust was so frightful,
'til he met Maid Tosscookies
(with a face like a Wookie’s)
And was lashed by her mocking so spiteful


Don't talk to me about sex

Sir_Nigel
02-07-2012, 02:09 PM
Don't talk to me about sex
‘cos I only take cash and not cheques

flyingtart
02-07-2012, 07:25 PM
Don't talk to me about sex
‘cos I only take cash and not cheques
If you want a blow job

iLion
02-10-2012, 10:06 PM
Don't talk to me about sex
‘cos I only take cash and not cheques
If you want a blow job
It'll cost ya ten bob

Nymtoc
02-11-2012, 01:56 AM
Don't talk to me about sex
cos I only take cash and not cheques
If you want a blow job
It'll cost ya ten bob
But just five from my old Uncle Rex.

The doughty ship sailed o'er the sea

rosebud1981
02-11-2012, 05:20 AM
The doughty ship sailed o'er the sea
And reached dry land at half past three

archerjoe
02-11-2012, 07:17 AM
The doughty ship sailed o'er the sea
And reached dry land at half past three
The first mate was drunk

flyingtart
02-11-2012, 01:18 PM
The doughty ship sailed o'er the sea
And reached dry land at half past three
The first mate was drunk
And lay on his bunk

Nymtoc
02-11-2012, 01:33 PM
The doughty ship sailed o'er the sea
And reached dry land at half past three
The first mate was drunk
And lay on his bunk
Sadly trying to sing "Aura Lee."

The bosun fell over the rail

flyingtart
02-11-2012, 06:52 PM
The bosun fell over the rail
In the water he started to flail

annetpfeffer
02-11-2012, 09:08 PM
The bosun fell over the rail
In the water he started to flail
The poor fellow drowned

archerjoe
02-12-2012, 12:58 AM
The bosun fell over the rail
In the water he started to flail
The poor fellow drowned
Even though he's renowned

Nymtoc
02-12-2012, 05:23 AM
The bosun fell over the rail
In the water he started to flail
The poor fellow drowned
Even though he's renowned
For spending his shore leave in jail.

The captain hung on till the end

rosebud1981
02-12-2012, 05:38 AM
The captain hung on till the end
And drove all his crew round the bend

Nymtoc
02-12-2012, 09:35 AM
The captain hung on till the end
And drove all his crew round the bend
He ordered each man

flyingtart
02-12-2012, 02:15 PM
The captain hung on till the end
And drove all his crew round the bend
He ordered each man
To clean out the can

Sir_Nigel
02-13-2012, 02:31 PM
The captain hung on till the end
And drove all his crew round the bend
He ordered each man
To clean out the can
A job I would not recommend


Then, covered in Richard the Thirds



For Americans and non-cockneys - Richard the Third = Turd