Her face was a roadmap of worry,
for the years had passed by in a hurry.
Two husbands, four kids
Left her life on the skids
And the booze made her vision quite blurry
A boisterous and crabby old coot
Gave her slovenly husband the boot
When the pool boy came by
She exclaimed "Me oh my!
Now there's a trombone I could toot..."
The baronet's simpering lackey
Said "Dahling, that's just a bit tacky.
Red plaid and green stripes
Go with lumberjack types,
and you, dear, look better in khaki."
How far can spandex give way?
"Pretty far," I've heard others say
But there are side effects
that resemble train wrecks
And send passers-by running away.
Another bad fashion mistake
Hawaiian shirt at a relative's wake
Though the flowers aren't lei'd
I should still be afraid
if the hula girls started to shake.
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