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flyingtart
11-27-2011, 04:48 PM
If people had ears like an elephant
Their movements would never be elegant

annetpfeffer
11-27-2011, 04:55 PM
If people had ears like an elephant
Their movements would never be elegant
Like Dumbo, they'd fly

iLion
11-28-2011, 09:50 PM
If people had ears like an elephant
Their movements would never be elegant
Like Dumbo, they'd fly
Then crash hard and die

Pthom
11-28-2011, 10:01 PM
If people had ears like an elephant
Their movements would never be elegant.
Like Dumbo, they'd fly
Then crash hard and die.
With ears like that, one can't be negligent.

The submission process is flawed.

flyingtart
11-28-2011, 10:39 PM
The submission process is flawed
And some of it feels like a fraud

annetpfeffer
11-29-2011, 12:18 AM
The submission process is flawed
And some of it feels like a fraud
They don't write you back

Nymtoc
11-29-2011, 12:22 AM
The submission process is flawed
And some of it feels like a fraud
They don't write you back
They think you're a hack

flyingtart
11-29-2011, 12:49 AM
The submission process is flawed
And some of it feels like a fraud
They don't write you back
They think you're a hack
I do think it should be outlawed


The thing about my sister Pam

Nymtoc
11-29-2011, 12:54 AM
The thing about my sister Pam
Is that she adores her pet ram

Sir_Nigel
11-29-2011, 03:02 PM
The thing about my sister Pam
Is that she adores her pet ram
She named it Raymondo

annetpfeffer
11-29-2011, 06:09 PM
The thing about my sister Pam
Is that she adores her pet ram
She named it Raymondo
And bought it a condo

Sir_Nigel
11-29-2011, 07:30 PM
The thing about my sister Pam
Is that she adores her pet ram
She named it Raymondo
And bought it a condo
Though some called the wedding a sham.


Oh no, I just fell down a hole

iLion
11-29-2011, 09:55 PM
Oh no, I just fell down a hole
a latrine that was used by a troll

Pthom
11-30-2011, 12:48 AM
Oh no, I just fell down a hole
a latrine that was used by a troll
The funny thing is

Matera the Mad
11-30-2011, 01:57 AM
Oh no, I just fell down a hole
a latrine that was used by a troll
The funny thing is
The poo was not his

annetpfeffer
11-30-2011, 03:36 AM
Oh no, I just fell down a hole
a latrine that was used by a troll
The funny thing is
The poo was not his.
But falling in poo isn't droll.



I marched in a splendid parade

Matera the Mad
11-30-2011, 05:09 AM
I marched in a splendid parade
In the best costume I'd ever made

flyingtart
11-30-2011, 02:07 PM
I marched in a splendid parade
In the best costume I'd ever made
The onlookers cheered

annetpfeffer
11-30-2011, 02:42 PM
I marched in a splendid parade
In the best costume I'd ever made
The onlookers cheered
But sadly I feared

Sir_Nigel
11-30-2011, 03:08 PM
I marched in a splendid parade
In the best costume I'd ever made
The onlookers cheered
But sadly I feared
my **** and my *** were displayed.



He left the Jacuzzi in shame

flyingtart
11-30-2011, 03:40 PM
He left the Jacuzzi in shame
And hoped no one there knew his name

annetpfeffer
11-30-2011, 06:51 PM
He left the Jacuzzi in shame
And hoped no one there knew his name
His robe had fell open

Sir_Nigel
11-30-2011, 07:33 PM
He left the Jacuzzi in shame
And hoped no one there knew his name
His robe had fell open
whilst furtively gropin’

flyingtart
11-30-2011, 07:58 PM
He left the Jacuzzi in shame
And hoped no one there knew his name
His robe had fell open
whilst furtively gropin’
And unleashed the wild from the tame


Miranda was out at a club

annetpfeffer
11-30-2011, 09:31 PM
Miranda was out at a club
A hand slithered in for a rub

iLion
11-30-2011, 10:07 PM
Miranda was out at a club
A hand slithered in for a rub
But she was numb

archerjoe
11-30-2011, 11:11 PM
Miranda was out at a club
A hand slithered in for a rub
But she was too numb *
To notice her bum

*added a syllable for meter

Nymtoc
12-01-2011, 02:36 AM
Miranda was out at a club
A hand slithered in for a rub
But she was too numb
To notice her bum
Was badly in need of a scrub.

Oh, why won't my silver bells jingle?

annetpfeffer
12-01-2011, 03:07 AM
Oh, why won't my silver bells jingle?
The holidays have me atingle

Sir_Nigel
12-01-2011, 12:20 PM
Oh, why won't my silver bells jingle?
The holidays have me atingle
So please ring my bell

flyingtart
12-01-2011, 01:18 PM
Oh, why won't my silver bells jingle?
The holidays have me atingle
So please ring my bell
And then I can tell

Sir_Nigel
12-01-2011, 02:05 PM
Oh, why won't my silver bells jingle?
The holidays have me atingle
So please ring my bell
And then I can tell
What its like to be ****ed by Kris Kringle.


****
I’m using too many of these

annetpfeffer
12-01-2011, 07:24 PM
I’m using too many of these
But they are intended to please

flyingtart
12-01-2011, 07:38 PM
I’m using too many of these
But they are intended to please
And cover my shame

iLion
12-01-2011, 09:23 PM
I’m using too many of these
But they are intended to please
And cover my shame
and save my good name

Pthom
12-01-2011, 11:21 PM
I’m using too many of these
But they are intended to please
And cover my shame
and save my good name
For I can't hope to outdo John Cleese.

Don't touch me; I know where you've been!

flyingtart
12-01-2011, 11:43 PM
Don't touch me; I know where you've been!
Your hands are most surely unclean

Nymtoc
12-02-2011, 12:25 AM
Don't touch me; I know where you've been!
Your hands are most surely unclean!
I saw you just now

annetpfeffer
12-02-2011, 03:19 AM
Don't touch me; I know where you've been!
Your hands are most surely unclean!
I saw you just now
Was appalled to see how

Pthom
12-02-2011, 05:15 AM
Don't touch me; I know where you've been!
Your hands are most surely unclean!
I saw you just now
Was appalled to see how
You did all those things to the Queen!

At the end of the road there's a turn

Nymtoc
12-02-2011, 06:56 AM
At the end of the road there's a turn
That will lead to a magical fern

Sir_Nigel
12-02-2011, 12:25 PM
At the end of the road there's a turn
That will lead to a magical fern
Halt there and pluck it

flyingtart
12-02-2011, 01:35 PM
At the end of the road there's a turn
That will lead to a magical fern
Halt there and pluck it
And with any luck it

Sir_Nigel
12-02-2011, 01:50 PM
At the end of the road there's a turn
That will lead to a magical fern
Halt there and pluck it
And with any luck it
should stop your venereal burn.


He put forth a shocking proposal

annetpfeffer
12-02-2011, 04:19 PM
He put forth a shocking proposal
Madame, I am at your disposal

flyingtart
12-02-2011, 04:35 PM
He put forth a shocking proposal
Madame, I am at your disposal
Meet me at eight

Sir_Nigel
12-02-2011, 04:44 PM
He put forth a shocking proposal
Madame, I am at your disposal
Meet me at eight
And I’ll give it you straight

Chrissy
12-02-2011, 05:20 PM
He put forth a shocking proposal
Madame, I am at your disposal
Meet me at eight
And I’ll give it you straight
Here I'll wait with my pants 'round my toesels.

(C'mon, that was impossible!)

Oh dear, I do fear I am lost

Lavern08
12-02-2011, 09:05 PM
Oh dear, I do fear I am lost
My GPS's not worth the cost

iLion
12-02-2011, 09:52 PM
Oh dear, I do fear I am lost
My GPS's not worth the cost
I'm feeling my way

donroc
12-02-2011, 11:38 PM
Oh dear, I do fear I am lost
My GPS's not worth the cost
I'm feeling my way
On Road Mandalay

flyingtart
12-03-2011, 12:02 AM
Oh dear, I do fear I am lost
My GPS's not worth the cost
I'm feeling my way
On Road Mandalay
Can't think of a witty riposte


Who does that bitch think she is?

Nymtoc
12-03-2011, 10:46 AM
Who does that bitch think she is?
She won't learn to mind her own biz

flyingtart
12-03-2011, 01:57 PM
Who does that bitch think she is?
She won't learn to mind her own biz
The obnoxious hag

MidlifeMark
12-04-2011, 03:11 AM
Who does that bitch think she is?
She won't learn to mind her own biz
The obnoxious hag
Could make a snake gag

annetpfeffer
12-04-2011, 09:09 AM
Who does that bitch think she is?
She won't learn to mind her own biz
The obnoxious hag
Could make a snake gag,
then say "Not my fault. It is his."



Jerome learned to play the trombone

Nymtoc
12-04-2011, 11:17 AM
Jerome learned to play the trombone
In a curious way all his own

flyingtart
12-04-2011, 04:41 PM
Jerome learned to play the trombone
In a curious way all his own
He'd blow very hard

annetpfeffer
12-05-2011, 03:06 AM
Jerome learned to play the trombone
In a curious way all his own
He'd blow very hard
then let down his guard

Pthom
12-05-2011, 04:25 AM
Jerome learned to play the trombone
In a curious way all his own
He'd blow very hard
then let down his guard
'Cause he thought his trombone was a phone!

Now who goes 'round blowing in phones?

Nymtoc
12-05-2011, 07:05 AM
Now who goes 'round blowing in phones?
'Twould burst a man's tympanic bones!

annetpfeffer
12-05-2011, 09:57 AM
Now who goes 'round blowing in phones?
'Twould burst a man's tympanic bones!
Confused as he was

flyingtart
12-05-2011, 01:21 PM
Now who goes 'round blowing in phones?
'Twould burst a man's tympanic bones!
Confused as he was
He liked it because

Sir_Nigel
12-05-2011, 02:05 PM
Now who goes 'round blowing in phones?
'Twould burst a man's tympanic bones!
Confused as he was
He liked it because
his ears were erogenous zones.


They say Armageddon is nigh

flyingtart
12-05-2011, 04:25 PM
They say Armageddon is nigh
I heard all about it on Sky

Sir_Nigel
12-05-2011, 06:10 PM
They say Armageddon is nigh
I heard all about it on Sky
'It’s over' they said

annetpfeffer
12-05-2011, 06:47 PM
They say Armageddon is nigh
I heard all about it on Sky
'It’s over' they said
I just went to bed

Nymtoc
12-05-2011, 08:46 PM
They say Armageddon is nigh
I heard all about it on Sky
'Its over' they said
I just went to bed
I'll wake up in Hell by and by.

The journey from here to a star

annetpfeffer
12-05-2011, 09:09 PM
The journey from here to a star
Cannot be completed by car

flyingtart
12-05-2011, 09:27 PM
The journey from here to a star
Cannot be completed by car
Unless it's a Porsche

donroc
12-06-2011, 01:39 AM
The journey from here to a star
Cannot be completed by car
Unless it's a Porsche
Fueled by beet borscht

Nymtoc
12-06-2011, 01:51 AM
The journey from here to a star
Cannot be completed by car
Unless it's a Porsche
Fueled by beet borscht
From the kitchen of Nicky the Czar.

"Your bed looks so soft," said the maid

Chrissy
12-06-2011, 05:40 AM
"Your bed looks so soft," said the maid
"The more with you in it," he played.

Nymtoc
12-06-2011, 07:33 AM
"Your bed looks so soft," said the maid
"The more with you in it," he played.
"Oh, sir! Don't you know

Night_Writer
12-06-2011, 07:47 AM
"Your bed looks so soft," said the maid
"The more with you in it," he played.
"Oh, sir! Don't you know
that my nose starts to glow

Chrissy
12-06-2011, 07:57 AM
"Your bed looks so soft," said the maid
"The more with you in it," he played.
"Oh, sir! Don't you know
that my nose starts to glow
Every night, in my plight to get laid!"


I think I've misplaced my best suit

Matera the Mad
12-06-2011, 08:02 AM
I think I've misplaced my best suit
And the tie that goes with it to boot

Nymtoc
12-06-2011, 10:00 AM
I think I've misplaced my best suit
And the tie that goes with it to boot
And as for my hat

flyingtart
12-06-2011, 01:50 PM
I think I've misplaced my best suit
And the tie that goes with it to boot
And as for my hat
Forget about that

Sir_Nigel
12-06-2011, 03:28 PM
I think I've misplaced my best suit
And the tie that goes with it to boot
And as for my hat
Forget about that.
I am lost, badly dressed, in Beirut.


He fell from a very great height

annetpfeffer
12-06-2011, 04:54 PM
He fell from a very great height
and, sad to say, didn't land right.

flyingtart
12-06-2011, 04:59 PM
He fell from a very great height
and, sad to say, didn't land right.
To make matters worse

Sir_Nigel
12-06-2011, 05:47 PM
He fell from a very great height
and, sad to say, didn't land right.
To make matters worse
he was hit by a hearse

flyingtart
12-06-2011, 05:56 PM
He fell from a very great height
and, sad to say, didn't land right.
To make matters worse
he was hit by a hearse
Which did nothing to lessen his plight


They told me if I said my prayers

Sir_Nigel
12-06-2011, 07:23 PM
They told me if I said my prayers
I’d be amply rewarded (down stairs)

Nymtoc
12-06-2011, 09:11 PM
They told me if I said my prayers
Id be amply rewarded (down stairs)
Now what's all that smoke?

iLion
12-06-2011, 09:28 PM
They told me if I said my prayers
I’d be amply rewarded (down stairs)
Now what's all that smoke?
Who's that red-suited bloke?

Chrissy
12-07-2011, 04:12 AM
They told me if I said my prayers
Id be amply rewarded (down stairs)
Now what's all that smoke?
Who's that red-suited bloke?
Much too hot, and I've got singeing hairs.


What's this? A small elf by my tree!

donroc
12-07-2011, 06:20 AM
What's this? A small elf by my tree!
And he's boldly taking a pee!

MidlifeMark
12-07-2011, 07:38 AM
What's this? A small elf by my tree!
And he's boldly taking a pee!
I exploded, "Gee Whiz!"

Nymtoc
12-07-2011, 08:22 AM
What's this? A small elf by my tree!
And he's boldly taking a pee!
I exploded, "Gee Whiz!
What a gross elf that is!"

flyingtart
12-07-2011, 01:41 PM
What's this? A small elf by my tree!
And he's boldly taking a pee!
I exploded, "Gee Whiz!
What a gross elf that is!"
So he turned round and pissed over me.


Some people like drinking a sample

Nymtoc
12-07-2011, 04:25 PM
Some people like drinking a sample
Of wild mushroom tea, for example

Lavern08
12-07-2011, 07:31 PM
Some people like drinking a sample
Of wild mushroom tea, for example
While cruising the aisles

annetpfeffer
12-07-2011, 09:31 PM
Some people like drinking a sample
Of wild mushroom tea, for example
While cruising the aisles
They're nothing but smiles

iLion
12-07-2011, 09:39 PM
Some people like drinking a sample
Of wild mushroom tea, for example
While cruising the aisles
They're nothing but smiles
"It's weaker than acid, but ample!"

My neighbors don't know I'm a spy

Nymtoc
12-07-2011, 09:42 PM
My neighbors don't know I'm a spy
Because I'm so clever and sly

annetpfeffer
12-07-2011, 10:42 PM
My neighbors don't know I'm a spy
Because I'm so clever and sly
I've bugged both their cars

Lavern08
12-07-2011, 11:18 PM
My neighbors don't know I'm a spy
Because I'm so clever and sly
I've bugged both their cars
While they were at bars

annetpfeffer
12-08-2011, 02:24 AM
My neighbors don't know I'm a spy
Because I'm so clever and sly
I bugged both their cars
While they were at bars
Now, whatever they do, I'll know why.


My favorite season is summer

flyingtart
12-08-2011, 02:47 AM
My favorite season is summer
And winter is really a bummer

Chrissy
12-08-2011, 02:52 AM
My favorite season is summer
And winter is really a bummer
I'm okay with fall

annetpfeffer
12-08-2011, 05:42 AM
My favorite season is summer
And winter is really a bummer
I'm okay with fall
But then after all

Nymtoc
12-08-2011, 08:51 AM
My favorite season is summer
And winter is really a bummer
I'm okay with fall
But then after all
I'm so strange that in spring I feel glummer.

I'd never wear anything red

Night_Writer
12-08-2011, 12:50 PM
I'd never wear anything red
Unless I was reading in bed

flyingtart
12-08-2011, 01:14 PM
I'd never wear anything red
Unless I was reading in bed
The reflected glare

Nymtoc
12-08-2011, 04:48 PM
I'd never wear anything red
Unless I was reading in bed
The reflected glare
Is too much to bear

annetpfeffer
12-08-2011, 04:50 PM
I'd never wear anything red
Unless I was reading in bed
The reflected glare
Is too much to bear
So I'll wear something purple instead.


The elephant climbed up a tree

Sir_Nigel
12-08-2011, 05:35 PM
The elephant climbed up a tree
And sat on the branch next to me

flyingtart
12-08-2011, 05:59 PM
The elephant climbed up a tree
And sat on the branch next to me
I heard a great rending

Lavern08
12-08-2011, 07:35 PM
The elephant climbed up a tree
And sat on the branch next to me
I heard a great rending
The branch started bending

annetpfeffer
12-08-2011, 08:46 PM
The elephant climbed up a tree
And sat on the branch next to me
I heard a great rending
The branch started bending
I'm flat as a pancake now -- see?


My donkey jumped over the fence

iLion
12-08-2011, 09:19 PM
My donkey jumped over the fence
And no one has seen him back since.

archerjoe
12-08-2011, 10:12 PM
My donkey jumped over the fence
And no one has seen him back since
Now losing one's ass

Lavern08
12-08-2011, 11:50 PM
My donkey jumped over the fence
And no one has seen him back since
Now losing one's ass
Displays lack of class

Pthom
12-09-2011, 03:07 AM
My donkey jumped over the fence
And no one has seen him back since
Now losing one's ass
Displays lack of class
But it could prove that you are not tense!

The tenses and syntax were weird

Nymtoc
12-09-2011, 03:20 AM
The tenses and syntax were weird
The spelling was worse than I feared

annetpfeffer
12-09-2011, 03:43 AM
The tenses and syntax were weird
The spelling was worse than I feared
I haven't a clue

Pthom
12-09-2011, 06:51 AM
The tenses and syntax were weird
The spelling was worse than I feared
I haven't a clue
Why I wrote this, do you?

Matera the Mad
12-09-2011, 07:15 AM
The tenses and syntax were weird
The spelling was worse than I feared
I haven't a clue
Why I wrote this, do you?
If I keep it, the whole novel's queered.


A writer who feared to cut excess

Sir_Nigel
12-09-2011, 12:18 PM
A writer who feared to cut excess
Was told: ‘Hey your number of syllables should be less’

flyingtart
12-09-2011, 01:34 PM
A writer who feared to cut excess
Was told: ‘Hey your number of syllables should be less’
But instead of heeding this advice and writing shorter

Sir_Nigel
12-09-2011, 02:08 PM
A writer who feared to cut excess
Was told: ‘Hey your number of syllables should be less’
But instead of heeding this advice and writing shorter
She was so incensed that she took an axe and went out on a blood-soaked rampage of destruction, mayhem and slaughter. With her daughter.

annetpfeffer
12-09-2011, 02:36 PM
A writer who feared to cut excess
Was told: ‘Hey your number of syllables should be less’
But instead of heeding this advice and writing shorter
She was so incensed that she took an axe and went out on a blood-soaked rampage of destruction, mayhem and slaughter. With her daughter.
She'd better own up and confess!



"Hello" said the tall handsome stranger

Sir_Nigel
12-09-2011, 02:54 PM
"Hello" said the tall handsome stranger
I’m a light loafered flower arranger

flyingtart
12-09-2011, 03:46 PM
"Hello" said the tall handsome stranger
"I’m a light loafered flower arranger.
Would you care to dance?"

Sir_Nigel
12-09-2011, 05:58 PM
"Hello" said the tall handsome stranger
"I’m a light loafered flower arranger.
Would you care to dance?
We could mimsily prance

annetpfeffer
12-09-2011, 06:45 PM
"Hello" said the tall handsome stranger
"I’m a light loafered flower arranger.
Would you care to dance?
We could mimsily prance
Truth be told, I'm a recent sex-changer.


I have a pristine reputation

Sir_Nigel
12-09-2011, 07:37 PM
I have a pristine reputation
round the back of the railway station

flyingtart
12-09-2011, 08:12 PM
I have a pristine reputation
round the back of the railway station
The reason, you see

Lavern08
12-09-2011, 08:47 PM
I have a pristine reputation
round the back of the railway station
The reason, you see
Is I don't charge a fee

flyingtart
12-09-2011, 09:15 PM
I have a pristine reputation
round the back of the railway station
The reason, you see
Is I don't charge a fee
And I offer papal dispensation


When Jennifer Price wrote her will

iLion
12-09-2011, 09:49 PM
When Jennifer Price wrote her will
She remembered her little fish, Phil.

Pthom
12-09-2011, 10:35 PM
When Jennifer Price wrote her will
She remembered her little fish, Phil.
A tetra, he was

Nymtoc
12-09-2011, 11:20 PM
When Jennifer Price wrote her will
She remembered her little fish, Phil.
A tetra, he was
She loved him because

Lavern08
12-09-2011, 11:22 PM
When Jennifer Price wrote her will
She remembered her little fish, Phil.
A tetra, he was
She loved him because
Ol' Phil gave Miz Jen quite a thrill

Now Rudolph is taking a break

Nymtoc
12-10-2011, 12:40 AM
Now Rudolph is taking a break
He says it's for his nose's sake

annetpfeffer
12-10-2011, 02:12 AM
Now Rudolph is taking a break
He says it's for his nose's sake
It's no longer red

Nymtoc
12-10-2011, 03:00 AM
Now Rudolph is taking a break
He says it's for his nose's sake
It's no longer red
It's purple instead

annetpfeffer
12-10-2011, 04:15 AM
Now Rudolph is taking a break
He says it's for his nose's sake
It's no longer red
It's purple instead
Dying it was an awful mistake.


Poor Santa is stuck on the roof.

MidlifeMark
12-10-2011, 06:30 AM
Poor Santa is stuck on the roof.
For Rudolf has got a sore hoof.

Nymtoc
12-10-2011, 08:35 AM
Poor Santa is stuck on the roof.
For Rudolf has got a sore hoof.
They summoned the vet

Night_Writer
12-10-2011, 10:08 AM
Poor Santa is stuck on the roof.
For Rudolf has got a sore hoof.
They summoned the vet
So no one would fret

annetpfeffer
12-10-2011, 10:40 AM
Poor Santa is stuck on the roof.
For Rudolf has got a sore hoof.
They summoned the vet
So no one would fret
But Rudolf is cool and aloof.


Then Donner and Blitzen appear

Nymtoc
12-10-2011, 11:39 AM
Then Donner and Blitzen appear
And whisper words in Rudolph's ear

MidlifeMark
12-10-2011, 03:31 PM
Then Donner and Blitzen appear
And whisper words in Rudolph's ear
That make his red nose

flyingtart
12-10-2011, 04:00 PM
Then Donner and Blitzen appear
And whisper words in Rudolph's ear
That make his red nose
Turn pink, like a rose

MidlifeMark
12-10-2011, 07:05 PM
Then Donner and Blitzen appear
And whisper words in Rudolph's ear
That make his red nose
Turn pink, like a rose;
Whoever suspected he's queer?

The holidays, they are approaching

annetpfeffer
12-10-2011, 07:18 PM
The holidays, they are approaching
For stress, let me give you some coaching

Matera the Mad
12-11-2011, 08:55 PM
The holidays, they are approaching
For stress, let me give you some coaching
When time's running low

annetpfeffer
12-11-2011, 09:52 PM
The holidays, they are approaching
For stress, let me give you some coaching
When time's running low
You just need to know

Nymtoc
12-12-2011, 04:20 AM
The holidays, they are approaching
For stress, let me give you some coaching
When time's running low
You just need to know
The eggs are here, ready for poaching.

Sometimes I just sit here and brood

annetpfeffer
12-12-2011, 04:41 AM
Sometimes I just sit here and brood
And fall in a horrible mood

flyingtart
12-12-2011, 01:46 PM
Sometimes I just sit here and brood
And fall in a horrible mood
But then I just think

annetpfeffer
12-12-2011, 07:10 PM
Sometimes I just sit here and brood
And fall in a horrible mood
But then I just think
That I'm on the brink

Chrissy
12-12-2011, 09:45 PM
Sometimes I just sit here and brood
And fall in a horrible mood
But then I just think
That I'm on the brink
So I stuff my face full of junk food.



I'm on hold with the damned IRS

iLion
12-12-2011, 09:48 PM
I'm on hold with the damned IRS
Rubber hoses won't make me confess

Nymtoc
12-13-2011, 12:03 AM
I'm on hold with the damned IRS
Rubber hoses won't make me confess
How often I lied

Albedo of Zero
12-13-2011, 05:02 AM
I'm on hold with the damned IRS
Rubber hoses won't make me confess
How often I lied
I'll keep it inside

annetpfeffer
12-13-2011, 06:41 AM
I'm on hold with the damned IRS
Rubber hoses won't make me confess
How often I lied
I'll keep it inside
They are fools and will just have to guess.


The attorneys are all on the take

flyingtart
12-13-2011, 01:08 PM
The attorneys are all on the take
And agents are all on the make

annetpfeffer
12-13-2011, 03:58 PM
The attorneys are all on the take
And agents are all on the make
They cannot be trusted

iLion
12-13-2011, 09:21 PM
The attorneys are all on the take
And agents are all on the make
They cannot be trusted
I'm screwed or I'm busted

flyingtart
12-13-2011, 11:47 PM
The attorneys are all on the take
And agents are all on the make
They cannot be trusted
I'm screwed or I'm busted
I might as well binge on some cake

Ms Pfeffer has cake I can see

Nymtoc
12-14-2011, 01:21 AM
Ms Pfeffer has cake I can see
Perhaps she will bake one for me

Lavern08
12-14-2011, 01:32 AM
Ms Pfeffer has cake I can see
Perhaps she will bake one for me
I want lots of filling

annetpfeffer
12-14-2011, 05:57 AM
Ms Pfeffer has cake I can see
Perhaps she will bake one for me
I want lots of filling
Okay I am willing
You all can come over for tea (sorry I couldn't resist ending it)


The cake's going to make me balloon

Matera the Mad
12-14-2011, 07:55 AM
The cake's going to make me balloon
I won't fit my nice pants very soon

flyingtart
12-14-2011, 02:30 PM
The cake's going to make me balloon
I won't fit my nice pants very soon
The simple solution

Sir_Nigel
12-14-2011, 06:35 PM
The cake's going to make me balloon
I won't fit my nice pants very soon
The simple solution -
profound and Confucian :

Nymtoc
12-14-2011, 08:46 PM
The cake's going to make me balloon
I won't fit my nice pants very soon
The simple solution -
profound and Confucian :
An apple a day, plus a prune.

I want to be King of the Hill

iLion
12-14-2011, 08:57 PM
I want to be King of the Hill
With my face on a three dollar bill

Pthom
12-15-2011, 04:08 AM
I want to be King of the Hill
With my face on a three dollar bill
And a conical hat

flyingtart
12-15-2011, 01:47 PM
I want to be King of the Hill
With my face on a three dollar bill
And a conical hat
That's all shiny and fat

Sir_Nigel
12-15-2011, 05:29 PM
I want to be King of the Hill
With my face on a three dollar bill
And a conical hat
That's all shiny and fat
And a seafront apartment in Rhyl

He was foreign, deceitful and rude

flyingtart
12-15-2011, 05:34 PM
He was foreign, deceitful and rude
And his language exceedingly crude

annetpfeffer
12-15-2011, 06:47 PM
He was foreign, deceitful and rude
And his language exceedingly crude
I should have ignored him

Sir_Nigel
12-15-2011, 07:15 PM
He was foreign, deceitful and rude
And his language exceedingly crude
I should have ignored him
but had to applaud him

Nymtoc
12-15-2011, 07:26 PM
He was foreign, deceitful and rude
And his language exceedingly crude
I should have ignored him
but had to applaud him
'Cos he was so cleverly lewd.

I saw something shocking just now

flyingtart
12-15-2011, 08:28 PM
I saw something shocking just now
I just cannot figure out how

Lavern08
12-15-2011, 08:54 PM
I saw something shocking just now
I just cannot figure out how
That reindeer went crazy

iLion
12-15-2011, 09:22 PM
I saw something shocking just now
I just cannot figure out how
That reindeer went crazy
And mated with Daisey

Albedo of Zero
12-15-2011, 09:36 PM
I saw something shocking just now
I just cannot figure out how
That reindeer went crazy
And mated with Daisey
Could their calf be the first flying cow?



Could Santa's new sideline be milk?

iLion
12-15-2011, 09:48 PM
Could Santa's new sideline be milk?
For elves and all others their ilk?

flyingtart
12-15-2011, 10:46 PM
Could Santa's new sideline be milk?
For elves and all others their ilk?
D'you think he'd deliver?

Matera the Mad
12-16-2011, 06:56 AM
Could Santa's new sideline be milk?
For elves and all others their ilk?
D'you think he'd deliver?
With perhaps just a sliver

Sir_Nigel
12-16-2011, 12:43 PM
Could Santa's new sideline be milk?
For elves and all others their ilk?
D'you think he'd deliver?
With perhaps just a sliver
of cheese on a cushion of silk.

Phew



He cautiously cut the blue wire

Nymtoc
12-16-2011, 12:51 PM
He cautiously cut the blue wire
But sparks flew. His house was afire.

flyingtart
12-16-2011, 01:29 PM
He cautiously cut the blue wire
But sparks flew. His house was afire.
He felt such a fool

Sir_Nigel
12-16-2011, 04:00 PM
He cautiously cut the blue wire
But sparks flew. His house was afire.
He felt such a fool
But Arsonists Rule!

Nymtoc
12-16-2011, 08:43 PM
He cautiously cut the blue wire
But sparks flew. His house was afire.
He felt such a fool
But Arsonists Rule!
A good one is also a liar.

Babette heard a shriek in the night

annetpfeffer
12-16-2011, 09:12 PM
Babette heard a shriek in the night
She leapt to her feet in a fright

Lavern08
12-16-2011, 11:42 PM
Babette heard a shriek in the night
She leapt to her feet in a fright
She pulled out her gun

donroc
12-17-2011, 01:23 AM
Babette heard a shriek in the night
She leapt to her feet in a fright
She pulled out her gun
And shot the kraut Hun

annetpfeffer
12-17-2011, 02:05 AM
Babette heard a shriek in the night
She leapt to her feet in a fright
She pulled out her gun
And shot the kraut Hun
yelling "Take that, ya scurrilous blight!"


I hung up my stocking with care

talkwrite
12-17-2011, 02:55 AM
I hung up my stocking with care
Then I noticed a stray blonde hair

flyingtart
12-17-2011, 05:46 PM
I hung up my stocking with care
Then I noticed a stray blonde hair
It gave me a tingle

Nymtoc
12-17-2011, 09:15 PM
I hung up my stocking with care
Then I noticed a stray blonde hair
It gave me a tingle
I'd like to commingle

Matera the Mad
12-17-2011, 09:16 PM
I hung up my stocking with care
Then I noticed a stray blonde hair
It gave me a tingle
I'd like to commingle
But could Santa fit in a blonde there?

If a sexy babe got in my stocking

flyingtart
12-18-2011, 12:07 AM
If a sexy babe got in my stocking
I wouldn't at all find it shocking

Nymtoc
12-18-2011, 04:46 AM
If a sexy babe got in my stocking
I wouldn't at all find it shocking
I'd say, "What's up, Doll?"

annetpfeffer
12-18-2011, 06:41 AM
If a sexy babe got in my stocking
I wouldn't at all find it shocking
I'd say, "What's up, Doll?
Why not gimme a call?"

Matera the Mad
12-18-2011, 07:25 AM
If a sexy babe got in my stocking
I wouldn't at all find it shocking
I'd say, "What's up, Doll?
Why not gimme a call?"
May our Christmas be rolling and rocking!


Please, Santa, stay off of my roof

Nymtoc
12-18-2011, 08:18 AM
Please, Santa, stay off of my roof
You're only a fiction, you goof

flyingtart
12-18-2011, 12:29 PM
Please, Santa, stay off of my roof
You're only a fiction, you goof
I don't want your sleigh

donroc
12-18-2011, 05:33 PM
Please, Santa, stay off of my roof
You're only a fiction, you goof
I don't want your sleigh
Or a Vivien Leigh

annetpfeffer
12-19-2011, 12:35 AM
Please, Santa, stay off of my roof
You're only a fiction, you goof
I don't want your sleigh
Or a Vivien Leigh
cuz I find you a little uncouf.


The gift that I wanted the most

flyingtart
12-19-2011, 12:48 AM
The gift that I wanted the most
Was a book deal of which I could boast

Matera the Mad
12-19-2011, 04:10 AM
The gift that I wanted the most
Was a book deal of which I could boast
But the bloody synopsis

Sir_Nigel
12-19-2011, 01:29 PM
The gift that I wanted the most
Was a book deal of which I could boast
But the bloody synopsis
in a boil lancing hospice

flyingtart
12-19-2011, 01:51 PM
The gift that I wanted the most
Was a book deal of which I could boast
But the bloody synopsis
in a boil lancing hospice
Turned all of my hopes into toast


Don't touch it, you just never know

Sir_Nigel
12-19-2011, 02:28 PM
Don't touch it, you just never know
precisely how large it will grow

annetpfeffer
12-19-2011, 03:50 PM
Don't touch it, you just never know
precisely how large it will grow
But I'm willing to bet

Sir_Nigel
12-20-2011, 12:30 PM
Don't touch it, you just never know
precisely how large it will grow
But I'm willing to bet
that you won’t be in debt

flyingtart
12-20-2011, 01:15 PM
Don't touch it, you just never know
precisely how large it will grow
But I'm willing to bet
that you won’t be in debt
Like some bitter old hack from Soho


"Good Heavens!" Cried Mrs Dupree

annetpfeffer
12-20-2011, 02:09 PM
"Good Heavens!" Cried Mrs Dupree
I'm suddenly feeling so free

Nymtoc
12-20-2011, 04:57 PM
"Good Heavens!" Cried Mrs Dupree.
"I'm suddenly feeling so free.
This nudist camp rocks

Sir_Nigel
12-20-2011, 04:57 PM
"Good Heavens!" Cried Mrs Dupree
I'm suddenly feeling so free
I am au naturel!

flyingtart
12-20-2011, 06:44 PM
uh-oh!

"Good Heavens!" Cried Mrs Dupree.
"I'm suddenly feeling so free.
This nudist camp rocks
But keep on your socks

"Good Heavens!" Cried Mrs Dupree
I'm suddenly feeling so free
I am au naturel!
What's that terrible smell?

Nymtoc
12-21-2011, 09:18 AM
"Good Heavens!" Cried Mrs Dupree.
"I'm suddenly feeling so free.
This nudist camp rocks
But keep on your socks
And avoid that annoyed killer bee.

"Good Heavens!" Cried Mrs Dupree
I'm suddenly feeling so free
I am au naturel!
What's that terrible smell?
My fun in the sun is fini!

There once was a crooner from Crete

Matera the Mad
12-21-2011, 10:10 AM
There once was a crooner from Crete
With a terrible smell to his feet

flyingtart
12-21-2011, 02:05 PM
There once was a crooner from Crete
With a terrible smell to his feet
So he soaked them in brine

Sir_Nigel
12-21-2011, 02:31 PM
There once was a crooner from Crete
With a terrible smell to his feet
So he soaked them in brine
Then compared them to mine

flyingtart
12-22-2011, 01:41 PM
There once was a crooner from Crete
With a terrible smell to his feet
So he soaked them in brine
Then compared them to mine
Which made them seem awfully sweet


We sang every carol we knew

Sir_Nigel
12-22-2011, 03:34 PM
We sang every carol we knew
despite all the bottles they threw

Nymtoc
12-22-2011, 06:36 PM
We sang every carol we knew
despite all the bottles they threw
Then we switched to funk

Lavern08
12-22-2011, 07:32 PM
We sang every carol we knew
despite all the bottles they threw
Then we switched to funk
As Nymtoc got drunk

Nymtoc
12-22-2011, 07:51 PM
We sang every carol we knew
despite all the bottles they threw
Then we switched to funk
As Nymtoc got drunk
And Lavern? Please don't ask. She's drunk, too.

I gave my true love a wee bird

flyingtart
12-22-2011, 07:57 PM
I gave my true love a wee bird
Though she thought it a trifle absurd

Lavern08
12-22-2011, 11:54 PM
I gave my true love a wee bird
Though she thought it a trifle absurd
It sang classic show tunes

Matera the Mad
12-23-2011, 09:29 AM
I gave my true love a wee bird
Though she thought it a trifle absurd
It sang classic show tunes
-- full of Junes, spoons, and moons --

Nymtoc
12-23-2011, 09:38 AM
I gave my true love a wee bird
Though she thought it a trifle absurd
It sang classic show tunes
-- with Junes, spoons, and moons --
In the sweetest voice I ever heard.

For Santa, I'll put out some rum

Matera the Mad
12-23-2011, 09:40 AM
For Santa, I'll put out some rum
And sweet rolls for his tummy-tum-tum

Sir_Nigel
12-23-2011, 12:45 PM
For Santa, I'll put out some rum
And sweet rolls for his tummy-tum-tum
And though he’s obese

flyingtart
12-23-2011, 01:19 PM
For Santa, I'll put out some rum
And sweet rolls for his tummy-tum-tum
And though he’s obese
I left some goose grease

Sir_Nigel
12-23-2011, 02:31 PM
For Santa, I'll put out some rum
And sweet rolls for his tummy-tum-tum
And though he’s obese
I left some goose grease
Next year I don’t think he’ll come.


‘God bless us’ cried Tiny young Tim

Nymtoc
12-23-2011, 09:53 PM
‘God bless us’ cried Tiny young Tim
'Dad robbed the bank. Bully for him!

flyingtart
12-23-2011, 09:59 PM
‘God bless us’ cried Tiny young Tim
'Dad robbed the bank. Bully for him!
Now he's cooked his goose

Matera the Mad
12-25-2011, 09:43 AM
‘God bless us’ cried Tiny young Tim
'Dad robbed the bank. Bully for him!
Now he's cooked his goose
And all heck's broken loose

Nymtoc
12-25-2011, 10:15 AM
‘God bless us’ cried Tiny young Tim
'Dad robbed the bank. Bully for him!
Now he's cooked his goose
And all heck's broken loose
Let's fill the punch bowl to the brim!'

Last night Santa Claus did not come

flyingtart
12-25-2011, 01:07 PM
Last night Santa Claus did not come
My seasonal cheer's feeling numb

Nymtoc
12-25-2011, 08:09 PM
Last night Santa Claus did not come
My seasonal cheer's feeling numb
I wanted a yacht

flyingtart
12-25-2011, 11:30 PM
Last night Santa Claus did not come
My seasonal cheer's feeling numb
I wanted a yacht
But all that I got

Nymtoc
12-26-2011, 02:22 AM
Last night Santa Claus did not come
My seasonal cheer's feeling numb
I wanted a yacht
But all that I got
Was a stinky-with-mold sugar plum.

I went through the town gaily singing

Chrissy
12-26-2011, 02:45 AM
I went through the town gaily singing
And brought my bell, too, for some ringing

samsevern
12-26-2011, 02:57 AM
I went through the town gaily singing
And brought my bell, too, for some ringing
I found an old sock

annetpfeffer
12-26-2011, 07:03 PM
I went through the town gaily singing
And brought my bell, too, for some ringing
I found an old sock
And then got a shock

flyingtart
12-26-2011, 08:36 PM
I went through the town gaily singing
And brought my bell, too, for some ringing
I found an old sock
And then got a shock
For the fabric was terribly clinging


Nurse Ratchet's McMurphy's bete noire

Nymtoc
12-26-2011, 09:45 PM
Nurse Ratchet's McMurphy's bete noire
Was a naked man in her boudoir

flyingtart
12-26-2011, 10:47 PM
Nurse Ratchet's McMurphy's bete noire
Was a naked man in her boudoir
His ranting and raving