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Sir_Nigel
11-01-2011, 05:04 PM
There was a young fellow named Herbert
Who was constantly gobbling sherbet
He dipped in his liquorice

annetpfeffer
11-01-2011, 05:45 PM
There was a young fellow named Herbert
Who was constantly gobbling sherbet
He dipped in his liquorice
The light became flickerish
__________________

Sir_Nigel
11-01-2011, 06:27 PM
There was a young fellow named Herbert
Who was constantly gobbling sherbet
He dipped in his liquorice
The light became flickerish
as he dreamt of a lightly grilled turbot.


He’d broken his new mandolin

flyingtart
11-01-2011, 06:28 PM
He’d broken his new mandolin
But before he threw it in the bin

annetpfeffer
11-01-2011, 06:54 PM
He’d broken his new mandolin
But before he threw it in the bin
He played a sonata

Nymtoc
11-01-2011, 07:22 PM
He’d broken his new mandolin
But before he threw it in the bin
He played a sonata
(musica non grata)

Sir_Nigel
11-01-2011, 07:44 PM
He’d broken his new mandolin
But before he threw it in the bin
He played a sonata
(musica non grata)
- a right plucking plinky plonk din.


A piccolo player of note

flyingtart
11-01-2011, 07:48 PM
A piccolo player of note
Set sail in a leaky old boat

annetpfeffer
11-01-2011, 08:09 PM
A piccolo player of note
Set sail in a leaky old boat
It started to sink

Pthom
11-01-2011, 08:32 PM
A piccolo player of note
Set sail in a leaky old boat
It started to sink
And before he could think

flyingtart
11-01-2011, 08:42 PM
A piccolo player of note
Set sail in a leaky old boat
It started to sink
And before he could think
He was saved by an orchestral stoat


The stoat's name was Anton deWitt

Pthom
11-01-2011, 09:05 PM
The stoat's name was Anton deWitt
The bloated and pompous old twit.

annetpfeffer
11-01-2011, 09:24 PM
The stoat's name was Anton deWitt
The bloated and pompous old twit.
His gargantuan belly

Pthom
11-02-2011, 01:02 AM
The stoat's name was Anton deWitt
The bloated and pompous old twit.
His gargantuan belly
Distended with jelly

annetpfeffer
11-02-2011, 02:33 AM
The stoat's name was Anton deWitt
The bloated and pompous old twit.
His gargantuan belly
Distended with jelly
so none of his jackets would fit.


His sadly unfortunate horse

flyingtart
11-02-2011, 01:27 PM
His sadly unfortunate horse
Despised his fat master of course

annetpfeffer
11-02-2011, 05:46 PM
His sadly unfortunate horse
Despised his fat master of course
He bucked off his rider

Sir_Nigel
11-02-2011, 06:08 PM
His sadly unfortunate horse
Despised his fat master of course
He bucked off his rider
and joined Al-Quaida

flyingtart
11-02-2011, 06:27 PM
His sadly unfortunate horse
Despised his fat master of course
He bucked off his rider
and joined Al-Quaida
And now enjoys ultimate force


When dining remember to tip

iLion
11-02-2011, 07:57 PM
When dining remember to tip
And don't pat the waitresses hip

Lavern08
11-02-2011, 09:16 PM
When dining remember to tip
And don't pat the waitresses hip
She'll make you regret it

flyingtart
11-02-2011, 10:56 PM
When dining remember to tip
And don't pat the waitresses hip
She'll make you regret it
You'll never forget it

Sir_Nigel
11-03-2011, 05:11 PM
When dining remember to tip
And don't pat the waitresses hip
She'll make you regret it
You'll never forget it
And whatever you do don’t unzip.


For 43 days they explored

flyingtart
11-03-2011, 05:29 PM
For 43 days they explored
By then they were getting quite bored

iLion
11-03-2011, 08:18 PM
For 43 days they explored
By then they were getting quite bored
They left their cabana

flyingtart
11-03-2011, 10:51 PM
For 43 days they explored
By then they were getting quite bored
They left their cabana
And went to meet Tanya

Nymtoc
11-03-2011, 11:32 PM
For 43 days they explored
By then they were getting quite bored
They left their cabana
And went to meet Tanya
Who truly was out of her gourd.

Old Zeb uses kerosene lamps

Steve Coate
11-04-2011, 05:32 AM
Old Zeb uses kerosene lamps
When hinging his favorite stamps

Nymtoc
11-04-2011, 08:51 AM
Old Zeb uses kerosene lamps
When hinging his favorite stamps
He says that the glow

Sir_Nigel
11-04-2011, 01:00 PM
Old Zeb uses kerosene lamps
When hinging his favorite stamps
He says that the glow
makes his testicles grow

flyingtart
11-04-2011, 01:50 PM
Old Zeb uses kerosene lamps
When hinging his favorite stamps
He says that the glow
makes his testicles grow
But it gives his cock terrible cramps


He thought Montague was his friend

Nymtoc
11-04-2011, 07:43 PM
He thought Montague was his friend
But, alas, he did not comprehend

flyingtart
11-04-2011, 07:51 PM
He thought Montague was his friend
But, alas, he did not comprehend
That limp-wristed Monty

annetpfeffer
11-04-2011, 08:39 PM
He thought Montague was his friend
But, alas, he did not comprehend
That limp-wristed Monty
All flaming and flaunty

iLion
11-04-2011, 08:44 PM
He thought Montague was his friend
But, alas, he did not comprehend
That limp-wristed Monty
All flaming and flaunty
Just wanted to play in the end.


The teacher was crossing her legs

Pthom
11-05-2011, 12:48 AM
The teacher was crossing her legs
But she failed to remember the eggs.

iLion
11-05-2011, 01:36 AM
The teacher was crossing her legs
But she failed to remember the eggs.
She squished the eggs flat

Matera the Mad
11-05-2011, 02:48 AM
The teacher was crossing her legs
But she failed to remember the eggs.
She squished the eggs flat
With her thighs, grossly fat,

Nymtoc
11-05-2011, 05:08 AM
The teacher was crossing her legs
But she failed to remember the eggs.
She squished the eggs flat
With her thighs, grossly fat,
And her buttocks as big as beer kegs.

No men ever went to the moon

Matera the Mad
11-05-2011, 10:25 PM
No men ever went to the moon
Without thinking, "OMG, soon

flyingtart
11-05-2011, 10:36 PM
No men ever went to the moon
Without thinking, "OMG, soon
The air will run out

Pthom
11-06-2011, 03:15 AM
No men ever went to the moon
Without thinking, "OMG, soon
The air will run out
Preventing a shout

Nymtoc
11-06-2011, 07:57 AM
No men ever went to the moon
Without thinking, "OMG, soon
The air will run out
Preventing a shout
And spoiling the whole afternoon."

Young David grew stronger each day

Matera the Mad
11-06-2011, 10:11 AM
Young David grew stronger each day
Unril ten grown men's work was his play

flyingtart
11-06-2011, 04:47 PM
Young David grew stronger each day
Until (?) ten* men's work was his play (*snipped to fit)

Nymtoc
11-06-2011, 07:54 PM
Young David grew stronger each day
Until ten men's work was his play
And then came this giant

Pthom
11-07-2011, 04:25 AM
Young David grew stronger each day
Until ten men's work was his play
And then came this giant
Who wasn't a client

Nymtoc
11-07-2011, 04:36 AM
Young David grew stronger each day
Until ten men's work was his play
And then came this giant
Who wasn't a client
Whom Dave, with his slingshot, would slay.

My condor is perfectly tame

Pthom
11-07-2011, 05:50 AM
My condor is perfectly tame
And I gave it an elegant name

Matera the Mad
11-07-2011, 05:52 AM
My condor is perfectly tame
And I gave it an elegant name
Not Percival, dear,

Nymtoc
11-07-2011, 06:13 AM
My condor is perfectly tame
And I gave it an elegant name
Not Percival, dear,
Nor Woyzeck Amir,

annetpfeffer
11-07-2011, 08:00 AM
My condor is perfectly tame
And I gave it an elegant name
Not Percival, dear,
Nor Woyzeck Amir,
But a wonderful one, all the same.


I named the dear condor Barak

iLion
11-07-2011, 09:21 PM
I named the dear condor Barak
He's mangy; lives under a rock.

Nymtoc
11-07-2011, 09:30 PM
I named the dear condor Barak
He's mangy; lives under a rock.
He dines on raw horse

iLion
11-07-2011, 09:37 PM
I named the dear condor Barak
He's mangy; lives under a rock.
He dines on raw horse
Then craps with great force

flyingtart
11-07-2011, 10:44 PM
I named the dear condor Barak
He's mangy; lives under a rock.
He dines on raw horse
Then craps with great force
Which frightens the rest of his flock


We spent all our cash on a Honda

Nymtoc
11-08-2011, 04:49 AM
We spent all our cash on a Honda
That used to be owned by Jane Fonda

MidlifeMark
11-08-2011, 07:05 AM
We spent all our cash on a Honda
That used to be owned by Jane Fonda
In spite of all that,

flyingtart
11-08-2011, 04:27 PM
We spent all our cash on a Honda
That used to be owned by Jane Fonda
In spite of all that,
I ran over the cat

Matera the Mad
11-08-2011, 04:36 PM
We spent all our cash on a Honda
That used to be owned by Jane Fonda
In spite of all that,
I ran over the cat
Alas for the late flat Miss Rhonda


If our gaming on line is obsessive

Sir_Nigel
11-08-2011, 05:04 PM
If our gaming on line is obsessive
and our credit card bill is excessive

flyingtart
11-08-2011, 05:45 PM
If our gaming on line is obsessive
and our credit card bill is excessive
Take our modem away

Nymtoc
11-08-2011, 06:15 PM
If our gaming on line is obsessive
and our credit card bill is excessive
Take our modem away
Teach us quoits or croquet

iLion
11-08-2011, 09:01 PM
If our gaming on line is obsessive
and our credit card bill is excessive
Take our modem away
Teach us quoits or croquet
Then our bankers won't be so possessive.

It seems that her feet always stink

Nymtoc
11-08-2011, 09:14 PM
It seems that her feet always stink
Though she scrubs them each night in the sink

MidlifeMark
11-09-2011, 04:38 AM
It seems that her feet always stink
Though she scrubs them each night in the sink
Perhaps some new shoes

Steve Coate
11-09-2011, 06:48 AM
It seems that her feet always stink
Though she scrubs them each night in the sink
Perhaps some new shoes
Or socks she should choose

Nymtoc
11-09-2011, 09:39 AM
It seems that her feet always stink
Though she scrubs them each night in the sink
Perhaps some new shoes
Or socks she should choose
Would keep her from turning to drink.

I heard a weird wail in the night

Pthom
11-09-2011, 11:37 AM
I heard a weird wail in the night
Screaming and keening in fright

Sir_Nigel
11-09-2011, 12:30 PM
I heard a weird wail in the night
Screaming and keening in fright
‘Begone loathsome ghoul!’

flyingtart
11-09-2011, 01:51 PM
I heard a weird wail in the night
Screaming and keening in fright
‘Begone loathsome ghoul!’
'But it's me, you fool!'

Sir_Nigel
11-09-2011, 02:43 PM
I heard a weird wail in the night
Screaming and keening in fright
‘Begone loathsome ghoul!’
'But it's me, you fool! -
I’ve been cursed by a VAMPIRE’S BITE!’ HA ha haaa haaaaa


When Colin fell into a coma

flyingtart
11-09-2011, 04:29 PM
When Colin fell into a coma
With malignant melanoma

Sir_Nigel
11-09-2011, 05:01 PM
When Colin fell into a coma
With malignant melanoma
The doctors said: Hmmmm

Nymtoc
11-09-2011, 08:09 PM
When Colin fell into a coma
With malignant melanoma
The doctors said: Hmmmm
And sang "Rum-a-Tum-Tmmmm"

Matera the Mad
11-09-2011, 09:02 PM
When Colin fell into a coma
With malignant melanoma
The doctors said: Hmmmm
And sang "Rum-a-Tum-Tmmmm"
Rather put off by Colin's aroma.


My pinky has hit the wrong letter

Nymtoc
11-09-2011, 09:03 PM
My pinky has hit the wrong letter
I usaly tipe sumwat better

Matera the Mad
11-09-2011, 09:07 PM
My pinky has hit the wrong letter
I usaly tipe sumwat better
Butt my spelign tuday

flyingtart
11-09-2011, 09:09 PM
My pinky has hit the wrong letter
I usaly tipe sumwat better
Butt my spelign tuday
Haz gun summwot aray

Pthom
11-10-2011, 12:49 AM
My pinky has hit the wrong letter
I usaly tipe sumwat better
Butt my spelign tuday
Haz gun summwot aray
An my grammur's sum reel go getter!

Enough of these foolish attempts

flyingtart
11-10-2011, 12:56 AM
Enough of these foolish attempts
The serious writer exempts

Nymtoc
11-10-2011, 02:54 AM
Enough of these foolish attempts
The serious writer exempts
His cow and his mule

Pthom
11-10-2011, 03:12 AM
Enough of these foolish attempts!
The serious writer exempts
His cow and his mule,
The neighborhood fool,

MidlifeMark
11-10-2011, 06:36 AM
Enough of these foolish attempts!
The serious writer exempts
His cow and his mule,
The neighborhood fool,
And all of those other verklempts.

I stymied the thread, using "orange"

Nymtoc
11-10-2011, 06:48 AM
I stymied the thread, using "orange"
But then Jean D'Oranj (pronounced "Dorange")

Sir_Nigel
11-10-2011, 12:32 PM
I stymied the thread, using "orange"
But then Jean D'Oranj (pronounced "Dorange")
declared ‘O Sacre bleu!’

flyingtart
11-10-2011, 02:28 PM
I stymied the thread, using "orange"
But then Jean D'Oranj (pronounced "Dorange")
declared ‘O Sacre bleu!’
But really, who knew

Sir_Nigel
11-10-2011, 03:15 PM
I stymied the thread, using "orange"
But then Jean D'Oranj (pronounced "Dorange")
declared ‘Sacre bleu!’
But really, who knew
that limericks could be so boringe.


The tumbleweed blew down the street

flyingtart
11-10-2011, 03:47 PM
The tumbleweed blew down the street
Which was a remarkable feat

archerjoe
11-10-2011, 05:59 PM
The tumbleweed blew down the street
Which was a remarkable feat
The Hollywood set

Nymtoc
11-10-2011, 06:30 PM
The tumbleweed blew down the street
Which was a remarkable feat
The Hollywood set
Was still soaking wet

flyingtart
11-10-2011, 06:51 PM
The tumbleweed blew down the street
Which was a remarkable feat
The Hollywood set
Was still soaking wet
So filming was left incomplete


Miss Pendergast, hand me that worm

annetpfeffer
11-10-2011, 07:09 PM
Miss Pendergast, hand me that worm
"Oh my," she replied, "It is firm!"

talkwrite
11-11-2011, 02:26 AM
Miss Pendergast, hand me that worm
"Oh my," she replied, "It is firm!"
" What if I drop it? "

annetpfeffer
11-11-2011, 03:02 AM
Miss Pendergast, hand me that worm
"Oh my," she replied, "It is firm!"
" What if I drop it? "
"Just kindly don't stop it."

Steve Coate
11-11-2011, 05:20 AM
Miss Pendergast, hand me that worm
"Oh my," she replied, "It is firm!"
" What if I drop it? "
"Just kindly don't stop it."
But please feel free to squirm.

Dear lady I have for you a task

Nymtoc
11-11-2011, 05:48 AM
"Dear lady, I'll give you a task"* (*meter)
"What is it, sir?" "Lady, don't ask."

Chrissy
11-11-2011, 06:41 AM
Dear lady, I'll give you a task"* (*meter)
"What is it, sir?" "Lady, don't ask."
"Just do what you're told"

Sir_Nigel
11-11-2011, 12:32 PM
Dear lady, I'll give you a task"* (*meter)
"What is it, sir?" "Lady, don't ask."
"Just do what you're told
and take a firm hold”

flyingtart
11-11-2011, 02:04 PM
Dear lady, I'll give you a task"
"What is it, sir?" "Lady, don't ask.
Just do what you're told
and take a firm hold.
Help me get the lid off this flask."


They sailed round the Cape of Good Hope

Sir_Nigel
11-11-2011, 02:45 PM
They sailed round the Cape of Good Hope
That’s a bloody long way to elope

flyingtart
11-11-2011, 02:54 PM
They sailed round the Cape of Good Hope
That’s a bloody long way to elope
But the fool navigator

Nymtoc
11-11-2011, 06:50 PM
They sailed round the Cape of Good Hope
That’s a bloody long way to elope
But the fool navigator
Mistook the equator

Chrissy
11-11-2011, 06:57 PM
They sailed round the Cape of Good Hope
That’s a bloody long way to elope
But the fool navigator
Mistook the equator
Bad luck, should have stuck with the Pope.


I say, what a jolly good morn!

flyingtart
11-11-2011, 07:20 PM
I say, what a jolly good morn!
I'm awfully glad I was born

Nymtoc
11-11-2011, 07:21 PM
I say, what a jolly good morn!
I'm awfully glad I was born
I'll dance and I'll sing

Chrissy
11-11-2011, 07:33 PM
I say, what a jolly good morn!
I'm awfully glad I was born
I'll dance and I'll sing
Oh no, what's THAT thing?

Matera the Mad
11-11-2011, 08:48 PM
I say, what a jolly good morn!
I'm awfully glad I was born
I'll dance and I'll sing
Oh no, what's THAT thing?
Now between joy and horror I'm torn!


For my breakfast I had six large pancakes

Nymtoc
11-11-2011, 09:27 PM
For my breakfast I had six large pancakes
But how could I know they were brancakes?

Matera the Mad
11-11-2011, 09:30 PM
For my breakfast I had six large pancakes
But how could I know they were brancakes?
The next thing I knew

flyingtart
11-11-2011, 09:32 PM
For my breakfast I had six large pancakes
But how could I know they were brancakes?
The next thing I knew
My main gasket blew

Nymtoc
11-11-2011, 09:41 PM
For my breakfast I had six large pancakes
But how could I know they were brancakes?
The next thing I knew
My main gasket blew
Ack! They were from here to Japancakes!

My house is infested with fleas

Pthom
11-12-2011, 02:26 AM
My house is infested with fleas.
They've filled up the tub to my knees!

Chrissy
11-12-2011, 06:02 AM
My house is infested with fleas
They've filled up the tub to my knees!
I called Orkin Man

donroc
11-12-2011, 06:32 AM
My house is infested with fleas
They've filled up the tub to my knees!
I called Orkin Man,
A dork from Saipan

annetpfeffer
11-12-2011, 06:41 AM
My house is infested with fleas
They've filled up the tub to my knees!
I called Orkin Man,
A dork from Saipan
Who I fear only speaks Japanese.


I'm nuts for New England Clam Chowder.

Chrissy
11-12-2011, 06:53 AM
I'm nuts for New England Clam Chowder.
As long as it's not made from powder.

flyingtart
11-12-2011, 04:08 PM
I'm nuts for New England Clam Chowder.
As long as it's not made from powder.
But my favourite treat

Nymtoc
11-12-2011, 05:34 PM
I'm nuts for New England Clam Chowder.
As long as it's not made from powder.
But my favourite treat
Is jellyfish meat

flyingtart
11-12-2011, 05:40 PM
I'm nuts for New England Clam Chowder.
As long as it's not made from powder.
But my favourite treat
Is jellyfish meat
I can't shout its praises much louder


Don't ever make friends with McGurk

Nymtoc
11-12-2011, 09:17 PM
Don't ever make friends with McGurk
He's rowdy, a boor and a jerk

Pthom
11-13-2011, 04:35 AM
Don't ever make friends with McGurk
He's rowdy, a boor and a jerk
He'll borrow your car

annetpfeffer
11-13-2011, 05:29 PM
Don't ever make friends with McGurk
He's rowdy, a boor and a jerk
He'll borrow your car
and drive it afar

Nymtoc
11-13-2011, 07:26 PM
Don't ever make friends with McGurk
He's rowdy, a boor and a jerk
He'll borrow your car
and drive it afar
And bang it all up, with a smirk.

I wish I could dream up a scam

flyingtart
11-13-2011, 08:35 PM
I wish I could dream up a scam
To make me richer than I am

annetpfeffer
11-14-2011, 12:37 AM
I wish I could dream up a scam
To make me richer than I am
I'll buy fancy cars

flyingtart
11-14-2011, 01:50 PM
I wish I could dream up a scam
To make me richer than I am
I'll buy fancy cars
And hang round in bars

Pthom
11-14-2011, 10:46 PM
I wish I could dream up a scam
To make me more rich than I am puts emphasis on proper syllable
I'll buy fancy cars
And hang round in bars
I so need the glitter and glam!

My gram keeps her teeth in a jar

Nymtoc
11-14-2011, 10:55 PM
My gram keeps her teeth in a jar
My gramp keeps his teeth at the bar

Pthom
11-14-2011, 11:54 PM
My gram keeps her teeth in a jar
My gramp keeps his teeth at the bar
And old uncle Fred

flyingtart
11-15-2011, 02:30 AM
My gram keeps her teeth in a jar
My gramp keeps his teeth at the bar
And old uncle Fred
Keeps his in his head

annetpfeffer
11-15-2011, 03:03 AM
My gram keeps her teeth in a jar
My gramp keeps his teeth at the bar
And old uncle Fred
Keeps his in his head,
the best place I know of, by far!



Old Jeremy wanted to know

Sir_Nigel
11-15-2011, 01:01 PM
Old Jeremy wanted to know
why he couldn’t get a rise in his dough

flyingtart
11-15-2011, 02:11 PM
Old Jeremy wanted to know
why there was no* rise in his dough
He tried using yeast

*fits better

annetpfeffer
11-15-2011, 06:20 PM
Old Jeremy wanted to know
why there was no* rise in his dough
He tried using yeast
To make a bread feast

Matera the Mad
11-16-2011, 02:06 AM
Old Jeremy wanted to know
why there was no* rise in his dough
He tried using yeast
To make a bread feast
But the dough, as you know, rose too slow.


So his bread was a doorstop at best

Nymtoc
11-16-2011, 02:15 AM
So his bread was a doorstop at best
By only when facing northwest.

flyingtart
11-16-2011, 02:34 PM
So his bread was a doorstop at best
But only when facing northwest
For when he turned south

annetpfeffer
11-16-2011, 07:59 PM
So his bread was a doorstop at best
But only when facing northwest
For when he turned south
He found that his mouth

iLion
11-16-2011, 09:29 PM
So his bread was a doorstop at best
But only when facing northwest
For when he turned south
He found that his mouth
Sucked the bread way down deep in his chest.

One day he'll be found really dead

flyingtart
11-16-2011, 11:00 PM
One day he'll be found really dead
With a hatchet stuck right in his head

Matera the Mad
11-17-2011, 04:12 AM
One day he'll be found really dead
With a hatchet stuck right in his head
For baking such loaves

annetpfeffer
11-17-2011, 04:14 AM
One day he'll be found really dead
With a hatchet stuck right in his head
For baking such loaves
brings flies by the droves

Matera the Mad
11-17-2011, 04:25 AM
One day he'll be found really dead
With a hatchet stuck right in his head
For baking such loaves
brings flies by the droves
We know what's in that "raisin bread"


In a tizzy, I dashed to the corner

Nymtoc
11-17-2011, 04:48 AM
In a tizzy, I dashed to the corner
And whom should I meet but Jack Horner?

Steve Coate
11-17-2011, 06:56 AM
In a tizzy, I dashed to the corner
And whom should I meet but Jack Horner?
He stuck out his thumb

flyingtart
11-17-2011, 01:40 PM
In a tizzy, I dashed to the corner
And whom should I meet but Jack Horner?
He stuck out his thumb
Which was really dumb

Sir_Nigel
11-17-2011, 02:56 PM
In a tizzy, I dashed to the corner
And whom should I meet but Jack Horner?
He stuck out his thumb
Which was really dumb
‘You’re nicked’ said the passing Jack Warner.


He brushed a small crumb off his sweater

annetpfeffer
11-17-2011, 03:53 PM
He brushed a small crumb off his sweater.
An overcoat would have been better

flyingtart
11-17-2011, 05:03 PM
He brushed a small crumb off his sweater.
An overcoat would have been better
Cos his love of cake

annetpfeffer
11-18-2011, 06:38 AM
He brushed a small crumb off his sweater.
An overcoat would have been better
Cos his love of cake
was too hard to fake

Matera the Mad
11-18-2011, 07:01 AM
He brushed a small crumb off his sweater.
An overcoat would have been better
Cos his love of cake
was too hard to fake
"Frosting" writ on his face like a letter!


If it's chocolate you crave, my dear writer,

Nymtoc
11-18-2011, 07:30 AM
If it's chocolate you crave, my dear writer,
You are either a yob or a blighter

annetpfeffer
11-18-2011, 08:43 AM
If it's chocolate you crave, my dear writer,
You are either a yob or a blighter
You can't fight the craving

Sir_Nigel
11-18-2011, 12:26 PM
If it's chocolate you crave, my dear writer,
You are either a yob or a blighter
You can't fight the craving
You’ll start misbehaving

flyingtart
11-18-2011, 02:56 PM
If it's chocolate you crave, my dear writer,
You are either a yob or a blighter
You can't fight the craving
You’ll start misbehaving
And your work will get shiter and shiter


He often took license poetic

Sir_Nigel
11-18-2011, 03:12 PM
He often took license poetic
like claiming his head was prosthetic

annetpfeffer
11-18-2011, 03:48 PM
He often took license poetic
like claiming his head was prosthetic,
his limbs artificial,

flyingtart
11-18-2011, 04:49 PM
He often took license poetic
like claiming his head was prosthetic,
his limbs artificial,
which he thought judicial

Sir_Nigel
11-18-2011, 05:18 PM
He often took license poetic
like claiming his head was prosthetic,
his limbs artificial,
which he thought judicial
The truth left him glum and splenetic



Oh madam please put it away

flyingtart
11-18-2011, 05:45 PM
Oh madam please put it away
I don't care to see it today

annetpfeffer
11-18-2011, 07:03 PM
Oh madam please put it away
I don't care to see it today
No matter how grand

Sir_Nigel
11-18-2011, 07:27 PM
Oh madam please put it away
I don't care to see it today
No matter how grand
You’ll surely be banned

Nymtoc
11-18-2011, 08:31 PM
Oh madam please put it away
I don't care to see it today
No matter how grand
You’ll surely be banned
And be mocked at the prince's soirée.

My bro has a pal who's a thug

annetpfeffer
11-18-2011, 08:54 PM
My bro has a pal who's a thug
He sports shiny suits and a rug

iLion
11-18-2011, 09:10 PM
My bro has a pal who's a thug
He sports shiny suits and a rug
He carries a gun

flyingtart
11-18-2011, 09:23 PM
My bro has a pal who's a thug
He sports shiny suits and a rug
He carries a gun
A big scary one

iLion
11-18-2011, 09:32 PM
My bro has a pal who's a thug.
He sports shiny suits and a rug.
He carries a gun;
A big scary one.
I think that's the bulge that's so snug!

He struts like he's king of the street.

flyingtart
11-18-2011, 10:32 PM
He struts like he's king of the street
With shiny black shoes on his feet

annetpfeffer
11-18-2011, 10:52 PM
He struts like he's king of the street
With shiny black shoes on his feet
He hasn't a clue

Matera the Mad
11-19-2011, 05:50 AM
He struts like he's king of the street
With shiny black shoes on his feet
He hasn't a clue
Why girls look so blue

Nymtoc
11-19-2011, 07:15 AM
He struts like he's king of the street
With shiny black shoes on his feet
He hasn't a clue
Why girls look so blue
Whenever he tries to get sweet.

I'll never know why Mr. Ellis

Matera the Mad
11-19-2011, 07:36 AM
I'll never know why Mr. Ellis
Hung himself by his feet on a trellis

annetpfeffer
11-19-2011, 11:08 AM
I'll never know why Mr. Ellis
Hung himself by his feet on a trellis
Yet there he was hanging

flyingtart
11-19-2011, 01:12 PM
I'll never know why Mr. Ellis
Hung himself by his feet on a trellis
Yet there he was hanging
His testicles clanging

Chrissy
11-19-2011, 02:45 PM
I'll never know why Mr. Ellis
Hung himself by his feet on a trellis
Yet there he was hanging
His testicles clanging
'Twas a feat would make weaker men jealous.


The chef found a choice cut of meat

annetpfeffer
11-19-2011, 05:54 PM
The chef found a choice cut of meat
Then truffles, to make it a treat

Nymtoc
11-19-2011, 06:38 PM
The chef found a choice cut of meat
Then truffles, to make it a treat
But sadly, the smell

Chrissy
11-19-2011, 06:45 PM
The chef found a choice cut of meat
Then truffles, to make it a treat
But sadly, the smell
Offended all hell

annetpfeffer
11-19-2011, 07:11 PM
The chef found a choice cut of meat
Then truffles, to make it a treat
But sadly, the smell
Offended all hell
from those the chef happened to greet.


The poor thing is painfully slow

flyingtart
11-19-2011, 08:02 PM
The poor thing is painfully slow
That's when I can get it to go

donroc
11-19-2011, 08:19 PM
The poor thing is painfully slow
That's when I can get it to go
I kept my old clunker

donroc
11-19-2011, 08:20 PM
The poor thing is painfully slow
That's when I can get it to go.
I kept my old clunker

Nymtoc
11-19-2011, 10:52 PM
The poor thing is painfully slow
That's when I can get it to go.
I kept my old clunker
I just couldn't junk 'er

Chrissy
11-19-2011, 11:04 PM
The poor thing is painfully slow
That's when I can get it to go.
I kept my old clunker
I just couldn't junk 'er
Need 'er trunk for that dead hunk 'a Joe.

I seem to be in quite a dither

iLion
11-19-2011, 11:48 PM
I seem to be in quite a dither
My lover's heart I've seen wither

annetpfeffer
11-20-2011, 11:00 AM
I seem to be in quite a dither
My lover's heart I have seen wither
But she better rally

Nymtoc
11-20-2011, 09:42 PM
I seem to be in quite a dither
My lover's heart I have seen wither
But she better rally
'Cos Silicon Valley

flyingtart
11-20-2011, 09:57 PM
I seem to be in quite a dither
My lover's heart I have seen wither
But she better rally
'Cos Silicon Valley
Is running me hither and thither


I know that your words were well meant

Steve Coate
11-21-2011, 04:28 AM
I know that your words were well meant
For otherwise why would they be spent

flyingtart
11-21-2011, 01:18 PM
I know that your words were well meant
For otherwise why would they be spent
But please understand

Sir_Nigel
11-21-2011, 02:56 PM
I know that your words were well meant
For otherwise why would they be spent
But please understand
why this **** has been banned

Nymtoc
11-21-2011, 08:44 PM
I know that your words were well meant
For otherwise why would they be spent
But please understand
why this **** has been banned
And why no one else goes where you went.

It's time to behead the old turkey

iLion
11-21-2011, 09:37 PM
It's time to behead the old turkey
Before we go back to our workie

flyingtart
11-21-2011, 10:44 PM
It's time to behead the old turkey
Before we go back to our workie
And if he complains

annetpfeffer
11-21-2011, 11:52 PM
It's time to behead the old turkey
Before we go back to our workie
And if he complains
They'll find his remains

flyingtart
11-22-2011, 12:16 AM
It's time to behead the old turkey
Before we go back to our workie
And if he complains
They'll find his remains
Somewhere in downtown Albuquerque


Miss Smith is a pain in the ass

Nymtoc
11-22-2011, 01:45 AM
Miss Smith is a pain in the ass
She thinks she's the star of the class

Matera the Mad
11-22-2011, 07:35 AM
Miss Smith is a pain in the ass
She thinks she's the star of the class
Her hand flies up first

Steve Coate
11-22-2011, 07:59 AM
Miss Smith is a pain in the ass
She thinks she's the star of the class
Her hand flies up first
Her voice is the worst

Nymtoc
11-22-2011, 08:05 AM
Miss Smith is a pain in the ass
She thinks she's the star of the class
Her hand flies up first
Her voice is the worst
And nobody else is so crass.

My pa left me out of his will

Sir_Nigel
11-22-2011, 12:28 PM
My pa left me out of his will
And he’s looking increasingly ill.

flyingtart
11-22-2011, 01:19 PM
My pa left me out of his will
And he’s looking increasingly ill
If he kicks the bucket

Sir_Nigel
11-22-2011, 02:39 PM
My pa left me out of his will
And he’s looking increasingly ill
If he kicks the bucket
at his home in Nantucket

annetpfeffer
11-22-2011, 07:02 PM
My pa left me out of his will
And he’s looking increasingly ill
If he kicks the bucket
at home in Nantucket
My net worth will diminish to nill.


His jokes are incredibly corny

iLion
11-22-2011, 10:16 PM
His jokes are incredibly corny
And belie that he's constantly horny

archerjoe
11-22-2011, 10:24 PM
His jokes are incredibly corny
And belie that he's constantly horny
If this sounds like you

annetpfeffer
11-23-2011, 12:44 AM
His jokes are incredibly corny
And belie that he's constantly horny
If this sounds like you
then here's what to do:

Matera the Mad
11-23-2011, 05:48 AM
His jokes are incredibly corny
And belie that he's constantly horny
If this sounds like you
then here's what to do:
draw cartoons that are crude, crass, and porny.


When my aunt drank six beers and a whiskey

annetpfeffer
11-23-2011, 07:13 AM
When my aunt drank six beers and a whiskey
She became unacceptably frisky

Steve Coate
11-23-2011, 07:17 AM
When my aunt drank six beers and a whiskey
She became unacceptably frisky
Atop the table she began to dance

Nymtoc
11-23-2011, 07:55 AM
When my aunt drank six beers and a whiskey
She became unacceptably frisky
On the table she'd dance (*meter)

Sir_Nigel
11-23-2011, 01:16 PM
When my aunt drank six beers and a whiskey
She became unacceptably frisky
On the table she'd dance
like those Bluebells in France

flyingtart
11-23-2011, 03:28 PM
When my aunt drank six beers and a whiskey
She became unacceptably frisky
On the table she'd dance
like those Bluebells in France
Which at her age is awfully risky


The Judge banged his gavel and said

Sir_Nigel
11-23-2011, 03:34 PM
The Judge banged his gavel and said
He's guilty, now off with his head!

Nymtoc
11-23-2011, 07:09 PM
The Judge banged his gavel and said
He's guilty, now off with his head!
"I only drove fast!"

iLion
11-23-2011, 09:58 PM
The Judge banged his gavel and said,
"He's guilty, now off with his head!"
"I only drove fast,
"While naked.. a blast!"

Nymtoc
11-23-2011, 10:36 PM
The Judge banged his gavel and said,
"He's guilty, now off with his head!"
"I only drove fast,
"While naked.. a blast!"
But he lost both his head and his cred.

Vote for me! I'm the best of the lot!

iLion
11-24-2011, 01:24 AM
"Vote for me! I'm the best of the lot!"
But the people all saw through his rot.

Sir_Nigel
11-24-2011, 12:30 PM
"Vote for me! I'm the best of the lot!"
But the people all saw through his rot.
And fresh revelations

flyingtart
11-24-2011, 03:46 PM
"Vote for me! I'm the best of the lot!"
But the people all saw through his rot.
And fresh revelations
Caused such indignations

annetpfeffer
11-24-2011, 05:05 PM
"Vote for me! I'm the best of the lot!"
But the people all saw through his rot.
And fresh revelations
Caused such indignations
He's now sweeping floors, like he ought.


A girl with exceptional beauty

Nymtoc
11-24-2011, 07:08 PM
A girl with exceptional beauty
Could never resist tutti-frutti

Chrissy
11-24-2011, 10:13 PM
A girl with exceptional beauty
Could never resist tutti-frutti
She eats to excess

flyingtart
11-24-2011, 10:49 PM
A girl with exceptional beauty
Could never resist tutti-frutti
She eats to excess
Has outgrown her dress

Nymtoc
11-24-2011, 10:58 PM
A girl with exceptional beauty
Could never resist tutti-frutti
She eats to excess
Has outgrown her dress
But she's still disgustingly snooty.

The writing appeared on my wall

Chrissy
11-24-2011, 11:05 PM
The writing appeared on my wall
I chose to paint over it all

annetpfeffer
11-25-2011, 05:55 AM
The writing appeared on my wall
I chose to paint over it all
I couldn't bear reading

Steve Coate
11-25-2011, 05:59 AM
The writing appeared on my wall
I chose to paint over it all
I couldn't bear reading
For such was defeating

annetpfeffer
11-25-2011, 08:52 AM
The writing appeared on my wall
I chose to paint over it all
I couldn't bear reading
For such was defeating
It said, "Your equipment's too small."


Since then I've been very self-hating

flyingtart
11-25-2011, 01:38 PM
Since then I've been very self-hating
It's quite put me off badger baiting

Nymtoc
11-25-2011, 03:28 PM
Since then I've been very self-hating
It's quite put me off badger baiting
I sulk and I brood

flyingtart
11-25-2011, 04:09 PM
Since then I've been very self-hating
It's quite put me off badger baiting
I sulk and I brood
I'm right off my food

Nymtoc
11-25-2011, 08:09 PM
Since then I've been very self-hating
It's quite put me off badger baiting
I sulk and I brood
I'm right off my food
I'm not even going ice skating.

True love can be quite problematic

iLion
11-25-2011, 09:10 PM
True love can be quite problematic
When staying at mom's in the attic

annetpfeffer
11-26-2011, 02:38 AM
True love can be quite problematic
When staying at mom's in the attic
I never get out

Steve Coate
11-26-2011, 05:48 AM
True love can be quite problematic
When staying at mom's in the attic
I never get out
And always I pout

Nymtoc
11-26-2011, 06:02 AM
True love can be quite problematic
When staying at mom's in the attic
I never get out
And always I pout
And that's why this lim'rick's so static.

There once was a man called Jack Spratt

flyingtart
11-26-2011, 12:56 PM
There once was a man called Jack Spratt
Who brought a girl back to his flat

Nymtoc
11-26-2011, 06:58 PM
There once was a man called Jack Spratt
Who brought a girl back to his flat
He showed her his telly

annetpfeffer
11-26-2011, 09:31 PM
There once was a man called Jack Spratt
Who brought a girl back to his flat
He showed her his telly,
his flat six-pack belly,

flyingtart
11-26-2011, 10:37 PM
There once was a man called Jack Spratt
Who brought a girl back to his flat
He showed her his telly,
his flat six-pack belly,
And now she's expecting his brat


Don't ever make friends with Georgina

iLion
11-26-2011, 11:49 PM
Don't ever make friends with Georgina
Or even her sister Roweena

Nymtoc
11-27-2011, 02:03 AM
Don't ever make friends with Georgina
Or even her sister Roweena
Or their cousin Jane

LilGreenBookworm
11-27-2011, 02:14 AM
Don't ever make friends with Georgina
Or even her sister Roweena
Or their cousin Jane
Or their brother in Maine

Nymtoc
11-27-2011, 02:33 AM
Don't ever make friends with Georgina
Or even her sister Roweena
Or their cousin Jane
Or their brother in Maine
Or that old witch, their Aunt Wilhelmina.

My uncle lives next to the dump

archerjoe
11-27-2011, 03:08 AM
My uncle lives next to the dump
His nickname is "Oscar the Grump"

Matera the Mad
11-27-2011, 04:34 AM
My uncle lives next to the dump
His nickname is "Oscar the Grump"
He's mean as a rat

Pthom
11-27-2011, 07:07 AM
My uncle lives next to the dump
His nickname is "Oscar the Grump"
He's mean as a rat
Keeps a cat in his hat.

Matera the Mad
11-27-2011, 02:50 PM
My uncle lives next to the dump
His nickname is "Oscar the Grump"
He's mean as a rat
Keeps a cat in his hat
And ghost-writes for some silly frump.


If people had ears like an elephant