PDA

View Full Version : Limericks Live!



Pages : 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 [70] 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90

flyingtart
08-30-2011, 09:22 PM
She walked in the room without knocking
Though her knees to each other were talking.
"Just keep close to me

Sir_Nigel
08-31-2011, 01:22 PM
She walked in the room without knocking
Though her knees to each other were talking.
"Just keep close to me
and don’t let them see

flyingtart
08-31-2011, 01:50 PM
She walked in the room without knocking
Though her knees to each other were talking.
"Just keep close to me
and don’t let them see
I'm really Amanda Hocking."


I published my memoir on Kindle

Matera the Mad
08-31-2011, 03:36 PM
I published my memoir on Kindle
Then realized it was a swindle

Sir_Nigel
08-31-2011, 04:27 PM
I published my memoir on Kindle
Then realized it was a swindle
I’m not even in it

Nymtoc
08-31-2011, 10:53 PM
I published my memoir on Kindle
Then realized it was a swindle
Iím not even in it
Should I bear and grin it?

flyingtart
08-31-2011, 11:13 PM
I published my memoir on Kindle
Then realized it was a swindle
I’m not even in it
Should I bear and grin it?
Or hope that my sales will just dwindle?


Don't ever feed cattle on nuts

Pthom
08-31-2011, 11:17 PM
Don't ever feed cattle on nuts
It tends to make gas in their guts

Nymtoc
09-01-2011, 07:40 AM
Don't ever feed cattle on nuts
It tends to make gas in their guts
And soon they will bloat

flyingtart
09-01-2011, 10:24 AM
Don't ever feed cattle on nuts
It tends to make gas in their guts
And soon they will bloat
Then upwards they'll float

Nymtoc
09-01-2011, 10:50 AM
Don't ever feed cattle on nuts
It tends to make gas in their guts
And soon they will bloat
Then upwards they'll float
While you stand and watch, like a klutz.

I dreamed I could fly through the air

kellysaid
09-01-2011, 06:02 PM
I dreamed I could fly through the air
while carrying a real live bear

Pthom
09-01-2011, 11:33 PM
I dreamed I could fly through the air
while carrying a real live bear
And as it turned out,

Lavern08
09-01-2011, 11:40 PM
I dreamed I could fly through the air
while carrying a real live bear
And as it turned out,
The bear gave a shout

Sir_Nigel
09-02-2011, 01:50 PM
I dreamed I could fly through the air
while carrying a real live bear
And as it turned out,
The bear gave a shout
Yes drugs of this nature are rare.

He cried as he chopped up the onion

flyingtart
09-02-2011, 03:58 PM
He cried as he chopped up the onion
Then tripped up and trampled his bunion

Pthom
09-02-2011, 10:25 PM
He cried as he chopped up the onion
Then tripped up and trampled his bunion
Oh, why can't I choose

Nymtoc
09-02-2011, 10:32 PM
He cried as he chopped up the onion
Then tripped up and trampled his bunion
Oh, why can't I choose
More practical shoes?

Pthom
09-03-2011, 01:43 AM
He cried as he chopped up the onion
Then tripped up and trampled his bunion
Oh, why can't I choose
More practical shoes?
And then, the poor slob burned his grunion.

I traced my love's name in the sand.

Nymtoc
09-03-2011, 02:20 AM
I traced my love's name in the sand.
She'd see it, and she'd understand

flyingtart
09-03-2011, 12:01 PM
I traced my love's name in the sand.
She'd see it, and she'd understand
Why I crashed her car

MidlifeMark
09-03-2011, 10:08 PM
I traced my love's name in the sand.
She'd see it, and she'd understand
Why I crashed her car
And left such a scar

flyingtart
09-04-2011, 12:01 AM
I traced my love's name in the sand.
She'd see it, and she'd understand
Why I crashed her car
And left such a scar
And sold it to her second hand


Don't listen to expert advice

MidlifeMark
09-04-2011, 12:12 AM
Don't listen to expert advice
You really should always think twice

Nymtoc
09-04-2011, 12:18 AM
Don't listen to expert advice
You really should always think twice
Or even three times

iLion
09-04-2011, 04:26 AM
Don't listen to expert advice
You really should always think twice
Or even three times
Ere eating ten limes

Nymtoc
09-04-2011, 04:32 AM
Don't listen to expert advice
You really should always think twice
Or even three times
Ere eating ten limes
'Cos acid reflux is not nice.

Diane likes to wear stretchy jeans

iLion
09-04-2011, 04:36 AM
Diane likes to wear stretchy jeans
When bloated from eating red beans

kellysaid
09-04-2011, 06:07 AM
Diane likes to wear stretchy jeans
When bloated from eating red beans
She leans to the side

flyingtart
09-04-2011, 10:55 AM
Diane likes to wear stretchy jeans
When bloated from eating red beans
She leans to the side
The better to hide

Nymtoc
09-04-2011, 12:07 PM
Diane likes to wear stretchy jeans
When bloated from eating red beans
She leans to the side
The better to hide
Her lust for gas-forming cuisines.

When Nelly goes out in the sun

flyingtart
09-04-2011, 03:52 PM
When Nelly goes out in the sun
The midges know they'll have some fun

MidlifeMark
09-05-2011, 03:52 PM
When Nelly goes out in the sun
The midges know they'll have some fun
They find her so sweet

flyingtart
09-05-2011, 09:47 PM
When Nelly goes out in the sun
The midges know they'll have some fun
They find her so sweet
They nip at her seat

MidlifeMark
09-06-2011, 03:35 AM
When Nelly goes out in the sun
The midges know they'll have some fun
They find her so sweet
They nip at her seat
Right now, I can't think of a pun.

I just heard the news about flyingtart

flyingtart
09-06-2011, 10:20 AM
I just heard the news about flyingtart
She was struck on the bum with a dart

Sir_Nigel
09-06-2011, 11:40 AM
I just heard the news about flyingtart
She was struck on the bum with a dart
She awoke in a zoo

flyingtart
09-06-2011, 12:07 PM
I just heard the news about flyingtart
She was struck on the bum with a dart
She awoke in a zoo
And hadn't a clue

MidlifeMark
09-06-2011, 08:23 PM
I just heard about poor flyingtart *
She was struck on the bum with a dart
She awoke in a zoo
And hadn't a clue
So she let loose a three-octave fart.

Like a heavenly trumpet of brass

* Corrected my own meter

Nymtoc
09-07-2011, 02:58 AM
Like a heavenly trumpet of brass
Her sound traveled far, but alas,

MidlifeMark
09-07-2011, 03:41 AM
Like a heavenly trumpet of brass
Her sound traveled far, but alas,
That noxious cloud

flyingtart
09-07-2011, 09:46 AM
Like a heavenly trumpet of brass
Her sound traveled far, but alas,
That noxious cloud
Dispersed the crowd

Nymtoc
09-07-2011, 10:14 AM
Like a heavenly trumpet of brass
Her sound traveled far, but alas,
That noxious cloud
Dispersed the crowd
"How gassy!" they said. "And how crass!"

She went home and started to cry

Sir_Nigel
09-07-2011, 11:51 AM
She went home and started to cry
And then let another one fly!

flyingtart
09-07-2011, 02:05 PM
She went home and started to cry
And then let another one fly!
"No more cabbage for me!"

Sir_Nigel
09-07-2011, 02:53 PM
She went home and started to cry
And then let another one fly!
"No more cabbage for me!"
she chuckled with glee

MidlifeMark
09-07-2011, 03:38 PM
She went home and started to cry
And then let another one fly!
"No more cabbage for me!"
she chuckled with glee
"I did that as well as a guy!"

With such a melodious sphincter

flyingtart
09-07-2011, 03:59 PM
With such a melodious sphincter
Let us all raise a well earned tincture

Sir_Nigel
09-07-2011, 05:24 PM
With such a melodious sphincter
Let us all raise a well earned tincture
So empty your glass

MidlifeMark
09-07-2011, 06:19 PM
With such a melodious sphincter
Let us all raise a well earned tincture
So empty your glass
And drink to her ass

archerjoe
09-07-2011, 09:41 PM
With such a melodious sphincter
Let us all raise a well earned tincture
So empty your glass
And drink to her ass
And its rattling, raspy distinct purr

If you value fresh air stay away

Pthom
09-07-2011, 10:04 PM
With such a melodious sphincter
Let us all raise a well earned tincture
So empty your glass
Three cheers to the lass

well poop!

If you value fresh air stay away
From the beans and the cabbage, I say!

MidlifeMark
09-08-2011, 01:24 AM
If you value fresh air stay away
From the beans and the cabbage, I say!
All that fiber gives rise

Nymtoc
09-08-2011, 08:18 AM
If you value fresh air stay away
From the beans and the cabbage, I say!
All that fiber gives rise
To more than just sighs

Sir_Nigel
09-08-2011, 11:44 AM
If you value fresh air stay away
From the beans and the cabbage, I say!
All that fiber gives rise
To more than just sighs
Enough of the fart jokes OK?


She seemed very keen on philately

flyingtart
09-08-2011, 12:12 PM
She seemed very keen on philately
But folk put her hobby down cattily

Sir_Nigel
09-08-2011, 02:06 PM
She seemed very keen on philately
But folk put her hobby down cattily
When she showed them her album

Pthom
09-08-2011, 09:14 PM
She seemed very keen on philately
But folk put her hobby down cattily
When she showed them her album
(It hardly was humdrum!)

MidlifeMark
09-08-2011, 10:19 PM
She seemed very keen on philately
But folk put her hobby down cattily
When she showed them her album
(It hardly was humdrum!)
They'd ask, "How's your old roommate Natalie?"

As I lay and recovered from surgery

Pthom
09-08-2011, 10:23 PM
As I lay and recovered from surgery,
Incurred while performing a burglary,

MidlifeMark
09-08-2011, 10:26 PM
As I lay and recovered from surgery,
Incurred while performing a burglary,
I reflected, "My stitches,"

Nymtoc
09-08-2011, 11:11 PM
As I lay and recovered from surgery,
Incurred while performing a burglary,
I reflected, "My stitches
Make godawful itches

MidlifeMark
09-09-2011, 01:07 AM
As I lay and recovered from surgery,
Incurred while performing a burglary,
I reflected, "My stitches
Make godawful itches
It's hard not to give in to the urgery!"

The sun's in my eyes as I type this

iLion
09-09-2011, 08:55 PM
The sun's in my eyes as I type this
While eating and driving my Taurus

flyingtart
09-09-2011, 09:31 PM
The sun's in my eyes as I type this
While eating and driving my Taurus
I should have worn shades

Pthom
09-09-2011, 09:57 PM
The sun's in my eyes as I type this
While eating and driving my Taurus
I should have worn shades
'Cause my escapades

MidlifeMark
09-09-2011, 10:12 PM
The sun's in my eyes as I type this
While eating and driving my Taurus
I should have worn shades
'Cause my escapades
All brighten and whiten my cuspids.

My hygenist, she nags me to floss

Nymtoc
09-09-2011, 10:22 PM
:Lecture: Just checking in to annoy you again. In the previous limerick, "type this," "Taurus" and "cuspids" do not rhyme. ;)

Lavern08
09-09-2011, 11:47 PM
My hygenist, she nags me to floss
She's some kind of tooth fairy boss

slcboston
09-10-2011, 12:16 AM
My hygenist, she nags me to floss
She's some kind of tooth fairy boss
If my teeth aren't as clean

MidlifeMark
09-10-2011, 02:36 AM
My hygenist, she nags me to floss
She's some kind of tooth fairy boss
If my teeth aren't as clean
She fires up her machine

Pthom
09-10-2011, 03:34 AM
Folks we really do need to watch meter in these things:

My hygenist she nags me to floss
She's some kind of tooth fairy boss
If my teeth aren't as clean
She fires up starts her machine
To ward against my dental loss.

see?

The Novocaine failed to work

archerjoe
09-10-2011, 06:39 AM
The Novocaine failed to work
The dentist cut in with his dirk

MidlifeMark
09-10-2011, 06:54 AM
The Novocaine failed to work
The dentist cut in with his dirk
The nitrous oxide

Nymtoc
09-10-2011, 06:59 AM
The Novocaine failed to work
The dentist cut in with his dirk
The nitrous oxide
Made me slap the doc's hide

archerjoe
09-10-2011, 07:04 AM
The Novocaine failed to work
The dentist cut in with his dirk
The nitrous oxide
Made me slap the doc's hide
And yet he claims I was the jerk

Just look what he put on my bill

Matera the Mad
09-10-2011, 07:19 AM
Just look what he put on my bill
Good lord, is it platinum fill?

flyingtart
09-10-2011, 12:03 PM
Just look what he put on my bill
Good lord, is it platinum fill?
In order to pay

MidlifeMark
09-10-2011, 05:11 PM
Just look what he put on my bill
Good lord, is it platinum fill?
In order to pay
This ransom, I'd say

slcboston
09-10-2011, 07:24 PM
Just look what he put on my bill
Good lord, is it platinum fill?
In order to pay
This ransom, I'd say
I'll have to steal from his till.


There once was a robber named Jack

iLion
09-10-2011, 07:37 PM
There once was a robber named Jack
Who tried to put everything back

slcboston
09-10-2011, 07:58 PM
There once was a robber named Jack
Who tried to put everything back
At the end of the day

iLion
09-10-2011, 08:06 PM
There once was a robber named Jack
Who tried to put everything back
At the end of the day
He was nabbed, as they say,

MidlifeMark
09-10-2011, 08:56 PM
There once was a robber named Jack
Who tried to put everything back
At the end of the day
He was nabbed, as they say,
Attempting to empty his sack.

I much prefer lobster to Spam

flyingtart
09-10-2011, 09:59 PM
I much prefer lobster to Spam
And caviar to eggs and ham

MidlifeMark
09-11-2011, 12:16 AM
I much prefer lobster to Spam
And caviar to eggs and ham
But what does it for me

Pthom
09-11-2011, 12:46 AM
Meter, folks, meter!

I much prefer lobster to Spam
And caviar to eggs and ham.
What does it for me
Comes straight from the sea.

slcboston
09-11-2011, 12:50 AM
Meter, folks, meter!

You can always fix it you know.

I do.

ETA: and you did

:D


I much prefer lobster to Spam
And caviar to eggs and ham.
What does it for me
Comes straight from the sea.
Though I make an exception for lamb.


There once was a man in a bar

Lavern08
09-11-2011, 01:00 AM
There once was a man in a bar
Who had a pig's head in a jar

Nymtoc
09-11-2011, 01:18 AM
There once was a man in a bar
Who had a pig's head in a jar
He said, "Do you think

Lavern08
09-11-2011, 01:24 AM
There once was a man in a bar
Who had a pig's head in a jar
He said, "Do you think
This poor boy should drink?"

Pthom
09-11-2011, 01:44 AM
There once was a man in a bar
Who had a pig's head in a jar
He said, "Do you think
This poor boy should drink,
Or has this old joke gone too far?"

They meter electric and gas

MidlifeMark
09-11-2011, 02:32 AM
They meter electric and gas
With wheels made of steel and of brass

Nymtoc
09-11-2011, 06:33 AM
They meter electric and gas
With wheels made of steel and of brass
And if you don't pay

flyingtart
09-11-2011, 02:59 PM
They meter electric and gas
With wheels made of steel and of brass
And if you don't pay
They've one other way

MidlifeMark
09-11-2011, 05:00 PM
They meter electric and gas
With wheels made of steel and of brass
And if you don't pay
They've one other way
Which, personally, I find crass.

An elephant scratches his back

flyingtart
09-11-2011, 06:33 PM
An elephant scratches his back
With an implement most of us lack

MidlifeMark
09-11-2011, 06:38 PM
An elephant scratches his back
With an implement most of us lack
His flexible nose

kellysaid
09-12-2011, 04:13 AM
An elephant scratches his back
With an implement most of us lack
His flexible nose
holds a unique pose

MidlifeMark
09-12-2011, 04:32 AM
An elephant scratches his back
With an implement most of us lack
His flexible nose
holds a unique pose
No earthly distraction can crack.

The Colts and the Steelers both sucked

flyingtart
09-12-2011, 12:24 PM
The Colts and the Steelers both sucked
And they missed every throw that they chucked

Nymtoc
09-12-2011, 04:06 PM
The Colts and the Steelers both sucked
And they missed every throw that they chucked
Their rushing was lame

Sir_Nigel
09-12-2011, 04:49 PM
The Colts and the Steelers both sucked
And they missed every throw that they chucked
Their rushing was lame
(like a pantomime dame)

iLion
09-12-2011, 08:40 PM
The Colts and the Steelers both sucked
And they missed every throw that they chucked
Their rushing was lame
(like a pantomime dame).
But the cheerleaders I would abduct.


So what could be next in the news

flyingtart
09-12-2011, 09:32 PM
So what could be next in the news
Maybe something to scare and confuse

Nymtoc
09-12-2011, 10:24 PM
So what could be next in the news
Maybe something to scare and confuse
A cat up a tree?

iLion
09-12-2011, 11:13 PM
So what could be next in the news
Maybe something to scare and confuse
A cat up a tree?
A girls' skinned knee?

archerjoe
09-13-2011, 06:30 AM
So what could be next in the news
Maybe something to scare and confuse
A cat up a tree?
A girls' skinned knee?
Or some scantily clad ingťnues?

archerjoe
09-13-2011, 06:38 AM
My sleepingbag zipper is stuck

Nymtoc
09-13-2011, 06:46 AM
My sleepingbag zipper is stuck
And I'm inside. What rotten luck!

flyingtart
09-13-2011, 09:54 AM
My sleepingbag zipper is stuck
And I'm inside. What rotten luck!
I'll stay here till spring

Sir_Nigel
09-13-2011, 12:06 PM
My sleepingbag zipper is stuck
And I'm inside. What rotten luck!
I'll stay here till spring
And I won’t say a thing

Lavern08
09-13-2011, 06:41 PM
My sleepingbag zipper is stuck
And I'm inside. What rotten luck!
I'll stay here till spring
And I won’t say a thing
Except that my first name is Chuck.

I hope that the bears are still fasting

annetpfeffer
09-13-2011, 07:11 PM
I hope that the bears are still fasting,
and winter will be everlasting

flyingtart
09-13-2011, 07:44 PM
I hope that the bears are still fasting,
and winter will be everlasting
For I love the cold

annetpfeffer
09-13-2011, 07:59 PM
I hope that the bears are still fasting
and winter will be everlasting
For I love the cold
And I've often been told

flyingtart
09-13-2011, 08:15 PM
I hope that the bears are still fasting
and winter will be everlasting
For I love the cold
And I've often been told
An ice cube is oft worth broadcasting


Letitia, please walk in the garden

kellysaid
09-13-2011, 08:18 PM
Letitia, please walk in the garden
Before the soil starts to harden

annetpfeffer
09-13-2011, 09:25 PM
Letitia, please walk in the garden
Before the soil starts to harden
A rabbit hops by

kellysaid
09-14-2011, 12:38 AM
Letitia, please walk in the garden
Before the soil starts to harden
A rabbit hops by
and winks its third eye

annetpfeffer
09-14-2011, 01:38 AM
Letitia, please walk in the garden
Before the soil starts to harden
A rabbit hops by
and winks its third eye
Saying "Sorry, I must beg your pardon!"


A fellow, impossibly fat,

Nymtoc
09-14-2011, 01:48 AM
A fellow, impossibly fat,
Broke everything on which he sat

MidlifeMark
09-14-2011, 02:38 AM
A fellow, impossibly fat,
Broke everything on which he sat
His toilet got crushed

annetpfeffer
09-14-2011, 03:33 AM
A fellow, impossibly fat,
Broke everything on which he sat
His toilet got crushed
And couldn't be flushed

MidlifeMark
09-14-2011, 04:05 AM
A fellow, impossibly fat,
Broke everything on which he sat
His toilet got crushed
And couldn't be flushed
So he sat and he shat in his hat.

A plumber from west of Milwaukee

annetpfeffer
09-14-2011, 05:10 AM
A plumber from west of Milwaukee
Was fully devoted to hockey

Nymtoc
09-14-2011, 10:50 AM
A plumber from west of Milwaukee
Was fully devoted to hockey
He watched every match

Sir_Nigel
09-14-2011, 12:29 PM
A plumber from west of Milwaukee
Was fully devoted to hockey
He watched every match
crying: Cheers, down the hatch!

flyingtart
09-14-2011, 12:44 PM
A plumber from west of Milwaukee
Was fully devoted to hockey
He watched every match
crying: Cheers, down the hatch!
Which explains why his marriage is rocky


For his missus did not go for sport

Sir_Nigel
09-14-2011, 02:27 PM
For his missus did not go for sport
She was more of a scholarly sort

annetpfeffer
09-14-2011, 05:49 PM
For his missus did not go for sport
She was more of a scholarly sort
She read Byron and Keats

iLion
09-14-2011, 08:53 PM
For his missus did not go for sport
She was more of a scholarly sort
She read Byron and Keats
And Shakespeare and Yeats

Nymtoc
09-14-2011, 10:41 PM
Trying to rhyme "Keats" with "Yeats" is giving me the shivers. :D

:e2seesaw:

MidlifeMark
09-15-2011, 01:41 AM
For his missus did not go for sport
She was more of a scholarly sort
She read Byron and Keats
And Shakespeare and Yeats
But her husband's lays, she found too short.

So, this tragically poorly-matched couple

annetpfeffer
09-15-2011, 06:54 AM
So, this tragically poorly-matched couple,
Afraid their distress would quintuple,

Nymtoc
09-15-2011, 07:15 AM
So, this tragically poorly-matched couple,
Afraid their distress would quintuple,
Decided to part

Matera the Mad
09-15-2011, 07:19 AM
So, this tragically poorly-matched couple,
Afraid their distress would quintuple,
Decided to part
Though it broke each one's heart

Nymtoc
09-15-2011, 07:28 AM
So, this tragically poorly-matched couple,
Afraid their distress would quintuple,
Decided to part
Though it broke each one's heart
But their break-up was startlingly supple.

September's a great time of year

Matera the Mad
09-15-2011, 07:31 AM
September's a great time of year
To dine out on bratwurst and beer

annetpfeffer
09-15-2011, 12:39 PM
September's a great time of year
To dine out on bratwurst and beer
But please keep in mind

flyingtart
09-15-2011, 01:52 PM
September's a great time of year
To dine out on bratwurst and beer
But please keep in mind
You may sometimes find

annetpfeffer
09-15-2011, 02:03 PM
September's a great time of year
To dine out on bratwurst and beer
But please keep in mind
You may sometimes find...
Can't think of a punchline, I fear!


Poor Sally was really confused

Sir_Nigel
09-15-2011, 02:25 PM
Poor Sally was really confused
Since noon she had solidly boozed

flyingtart
09-15-2011, 02:51 PM
Poor Sally was really confused
Since noon she had solidly boozed
When she reached for the door

Sir_Nigel
09-15-2011, 04:01 PM
Poor Sally was really confused
Since noon she had solidly boozed
When she reached for the door
on the 17th floor

Lavern08
09-15-2011, 08:38 PM
Poor Sally was really confused
Since noon she had solidly boozed
When she reached for the door
on the 17th floor
She tripped and was thoroughly bruised.

That bartender served drinks and candy

kellysaid
09-15-2011, 09:20 PM
That bartender served drinks and candy
with a nod and a grin so randy

Lavern08
09-15-2011, 11:02 PM
That bartender served drinks and candy
with a nod and a grin so randy
No conscience had he

Nymtoc
09-16-2011, 08:14 AM
That bartender served drinks and candy
With a nod and a snicker so randy
No conscience had he
With libido so free

Sir_Nigel
09-16-2011, 11:50 AM
That bartender served drinks and candy
With a nod and a snicker so randy
No conscience had he
With libido so free
He’s the reason I left Tonypandy.


The soothsayer prophesised woe

flyingtart
09-16-2011, 12:49 PM
The soothsayer prophesised woe
Before dropping a brick on his toe

annetpfeffer
09-16-2011, 02:31 PM
The soothsayer prophesised woe
Before dropping a brick on his toe.
His scream was so loud

Nymtoc
09-16-2011, 03:26 PM
The soothsayer prophesised woe
Before dropping a brick on his toe.
His scream was so loud
It frightened the crowd

MidlifeMark
09-16-2011, 05:13 PM
The soothsayer prophesised woe
Before dropping a brick on his toe.
His scream was so loud
It frightened the crowd
And thoroughly ruined the show.

All the leaves have begun to turn color

Sir_Nigel
09-16-2011, 05:51 PM
All the leaves have begun to turn color
They were poisoned by Crazy Abdullah!

annetpfeffer
09-16-2011, 07:11 PM
All the leaves have begun to turn color
They were poisoned by Crazy Abdullah!
The trees are all dying

Lavern08
09-16-2011, 07:23 PM
All the leaves have begun to turn color
They were poisoned by Crazy Abdullah!
The trees are all dying
The children are crying

annetpfeffer
09-16-2011, 07:40 PM
All the leaves have begun to turn color
They were poisoned by Crazy Abdullah!
The trees are all dying
The children are crying
That Crazy's a horrible fullah!


A one-eyed curmudgeon named Joe

flyingtart
09-16-2011, 08:10 PM
A one-eyed curmudgeon named Joe
Sold favours at five cents a throw

Nymtoc
09-17-2011, 04:27 AM
A one-eyed curmudgeon named Joe
Sold favours at five cents a throw
A girl named Louise

annetpfeffer
09-17-2011, 09:03 AM
A one-eyed curmudgeon named Joe
Sold favours at five cents a throw
A girl named Louise
Tried to give Joe a squeeze

Nymtoc
09-17-2011, 09:39 AM
A one-eyed curmudgeon named Joe
Sold favours at five cents a throw
A girl named Louise
Tried to give Joe a squeeze
But he told poor Louise where to go.

A one-armed curmudgeon named Max

annetpfeffer
09-17-2011, 11:27 AM
A one-armed curmudgeon named Max
was subject to panic attacks

flyingtart
09-17-2011, 12:08 PM
A one-armed curmudgeon named Max
was subject to panic attacks
He'd scream and he'd shout

Nymtoc
09-17-2011, 09:21 PM
A one-armed curmudgeon named Max
was subject to panic attacks
He'd scream and he'd shout
And curse like a lout

annetpfeffer
09-17-2011, 09:47 PM
A one-armed curmudgeon named Max
was subject to panic attacks
He'd scream and he'd shout
And curse like a lout.
The noise always made him relax.


My car never starts when it should

flyingtart
09-17-2011, 09:48 PM
My car never starts when it should
But I'm frightened to open the hood

Nymtoc
09-17-2011, 10:44 PM
My car never starts when it should
But I'm frightened to open the hood
Suppose I should see

kellysaid
09-18-2011, 02:44 AM
My car never starts when it should
But I'm frightened to open the hood
Suppose I should see
A charred mystery

annetpfeffer
09-18-2011, 03:38 AM
My car never starts when it should
But I'm frightened to open the hood
Suppose I should see
A charred mystery
I'd sell it if only I could!


A porcupine, lonely and shy,

Nymtoc
09-18-2011, 11:37 AM
A porcupine, lonely and shy,
Decided to give Facebook a try

flyingtart
09-18-2011, 02:55 PM
A porcupine, lonely and shy,
Resolved* to give Facebook a try
He made many friends


*Better fit

annetpfeffer
09-18-2011, 04:30 PM
A porcupine, lonely and shy,
Resolved* to give Facebook a try
He made many friends,
and now he contends

Matera the Mad
09-18-2011, 04:43 PM
A porcupine, lonely and shy,
Resolved* to give Facebook a try
He made many friends,
and now he contends
Being prickly is not so awry

A damned smiling villain once said

annetpfeffer
09-18-2011, 10:57 PM
A damned smiling villain once said,
"It delights me to mess with your head!"

MidlifeMark
09-19-2011, 06:55 AM
A damned smiling villain once said,
"It delights me to mess with your head!
You get so confused,"

annetpfeffer
09-19-2011, 06:59 AM
A damned smiling villain once said,
"It delights me to mess with your head!
You get so confused
When you are abused,

Sir_Nigel
09-19-2011, 12:05 PM
A damned smiling villain once said,
"It delights me to mess with your head!
You get so confused
When you are abused,
ĎMr Westí, he began, ĎCall me Fred.Ď


It emerged from a slimy lagoon

flyingtart
09-19-2011, 03:45 PM
It emerged from a slimy lagoon
On the end of a silver harpoon

kellysaid
09-19-2011, 05:40 PM
It emerged from a slimy lagoon
On the end of a silver harpoon
The captain's men screamed

annetpfeffer
09-19-2011, 07:22 PM
It emerged from a slimy lagoon
On the end of a silver harpoon
The captain's men screamed,
For the creature now seemed

flyingtart
09-19-2011, 07:30 PM
It emerged from a slimy lagoon
On the end of a silver harpoon
The captain's men screamed,
For the creature now seemed
To have turned up for dinner too soon


It brandished a dangerous claw

Nymtoc
09-19-2011, 09:29 PM
It brandished a dangerous claw
The largest the men ever saw

annetpfeffer
09-19-2011, 10:18 PM
It brandished a dangerous claw
The largest the men ever saw.
It snatched up a sailor

Nymtoc
09-20-2011, 03:03 AM
It brandished a dangerous claw
The largest the men ever saw.
It snatched up a sailor,
The ship's only tailor,

annetpfeffer
09-20-2011, 04:28 AM
It brandished a dangerous claw
The largest the men ever saw.
It snatched up a sailor,
The ship's only tailor,
And stuffed the poor man down its maw.


Pierre, a pianist from France,

Tedashii
09-20-2011, 04:31 AM
Pierre, a pianist from France,
had big purple pants

Pthom
09-20-2011, 04:54 AM
Meter issues!

Pierre, a pianist from France,
Went around wearing big purple pants.
His orchestral ear

annetpfeffer
09-20-2011, 05:15 AM
Pierre, a pianist from France,
Went around wearing big purple pants.
His orchestral ear
Was impeccably clear

Nymtoc
09-20-2011, 05:28 AM
Pierre, a pianist from France,
Went around wearing big purple pants.
His orchestral ear
Was impeccably clear,
At a wrong note he'd burst into rants.

Pete Pustule could not get a date

annetpfeffer
09-20-2011, 05:46 AM
Pete Pustule could not get a date
In his oozingly pimplified state

Matera the Mad
09-20-2011, 07:10 AM
Pete Pustule could not get a date
In his oozingly pimplified state
Girls looked once and ran

annetpfeffer
09-20-2011, 11:26 AM
Pete Pustule could not get a date
In his oozingly pimplified state
Girls looked once and ran,
Screaming "Flee while you can!"

Sir_Nigel
09-20-2011, 11:43 AM
Pete Pustule could not get a date
In his oozingly pimplified state
Girls looked once and ran,
Screaming "Flee while you can!"
whilst he brooded on skincare and fate.


Sir Farquar FitzGerald St Clair

annetpfeffer
09-20-2011, 02:39 PM
Sir Farquar FitzGerald St Clair
Had the singular shape of a pear

flyingtart
09-20-2011, 02:49 PM
Sir Farquar FitzGerald St Clair
Had the singular shape of a pear
It was seven eighths square

Sir_Nigel
09-20-2011, 02:58 PM
Sir Farquar FitzGerald St Clair
Had the singular shape of a pear
It was seven eighths square
(dodgy rhyme – don’t you care?)

flyingtart
09-20-2011, 04:45 PM
Doh! Silly me.

Sir Farquar FitzGerald St Clair
Had the singular shape of a pear
Enshrined on his crest

Sir_Nigel
09-20-2011, 05:14 PM
Sir Farquar FitzGerald St Clair
Had the singular shape of a pear
Enshrined on his crest
on a scratch and sniff vest

annetpfeffer
09-20-2011, 06:04 PM
Sir Farquar FitzGerald St Clair
Had the singular shape of a pear
Enshrined on his crest
on a scratch and sniff vest
It said, "Better a pear than a square!"


Though pear-shaped, Sir Farquar was smart

Sir_Nigel
09-20-2011, 06:25 PM
Though pear-shaped, Sir Farquar was smart
‘What a quick-witted Farquar thou art’

annetpfeffer
09-20-2011, 09:27 PM
Though pear-shaped, Sir Farquar was smart.
‘What a quick-witted Farquar thou art!’
said the fair Jezebel

flyingtart
09-20-2011, 10:48 PM
Though pear-shaped, Sir Farquar was smart.
‘What a quick-witted Farquar thou art!’
said the fair Jezebel
But she sure gave him hell

annetpfeffer
09-21-2011, 12:06 AM
Though pear-shaped, Sir Farquar was smart.
‘What a quick-witted Farquar thou art!’
said the fair Jezebel
But she sure gave him hell
When he wanted to eat apple tart.


I've had a detestable day.

Pthom
09-21-2011, 12:45 AM
I've had a detestable day.
Life sucks every possible way!

Nymtoc
09-21-2011, 12:59 AM
I've had a detestable day.
Life sucks every possible way!
I'm tempted to yell

Pthom
09-21-2011, 04:44 AM
I've had a detestable day.
Life sucks every possible way!
I'm tempted to yell,
"You all go to hell!"

MidlifeMark
09-21-2011, 04:44 AM
I've had a detestable day.
Life sucks every possible way!
I'm tempted to yell
But can't stand the smell

Tedashii
09-21-2011, 05:10 AM
I've had a detestable day.
Life sucks every possible way!
I'm tempted to yell
But can't stand the smell
Of the foul and gritty red clay.

(Next person can start the limerick)

Nymtoc
09-21-2011, 08:11 AM
I hope I can make some words rhyme

Sir_Nigel
09-21-2011, 11:36 AM
I hope I can make some words rhyme
For anything else is a crime

flyingtart
09-21-2011, 01:01 PM
I hope I can make some words rhyme
For anything else is a crime
It sucks, what is more

Sir_Nigel
09-21-2011, 01:55 PM
I hope I can make some words rhyme
For anything else is a crime
It sucks, what is more
You are breaking the law

annetpfeffer
09-21-2011, 04:20 PM
I'm stymied. Does "law" rhyme with "more" in the UK? lol I know you guys put "r's" in places that Americans don't... :) :)

Help me someone!

flyingtart
09-21-2011, 04:41 PM
I'm stymied. Does "law" rhyme with "more" in the UK? lol I know you guys put "r's" in places that Americans don't... :) :)

Help me someone!

It's these mad southern English. Just cos they invented the language they think they can get away with anything!

annetpfeffer
09-21-2011, 06:48 PM
Ha ha ... Sir Nigel, we're waiting for you!

annetpfeffer
09-21-2011, 07:46 PM
Okay, Nigel, moving right along....

I hope I can make some words rhyme.
For anything else is a crime.
It sucks. What is more,
It's rhymes I adore.

flyingtart
09-21-2011, 08:17 PM
I hope I can make some words rhyme.
For anything else is a crime.
It sucks. What is more,
It's rhymes I adore.
I'll try some if I have the time.


Poor Nigel pronounces his vowels

Nymtoc
09-21-2011, 08:43 PM
Poor Nigel pronounces his vowels
As if from the depth of his bowels *



* But I must weigh in on the prior argument. To me, Sir N's rhyming "More" with "law" is legitimate. I live in New York City, where some people say things like "I'd like some moah," or "She was the prettiest girl you ever sawr." :tongue

Lavern08
09-21-2011, 10:37 PM
Poor Nigel pronounces his vowels
As if from the depth of his bowels
His speech is quite witty

annetpfeffer
09-21-2011, 10:58 PM
Poor Nigel pronounces his vowels
As if from the depth of his bowels
His speech is quite witty,
But it's such a pity

flyingtart
09-21-2011, 11:12 PM
Poor Nigel pronounces his vowels
As if from the depth of his bowels
His speech is quite witty,
But it's such a pity
The laughter descends into howls


Annepfeffer's quite handy at rhymin'

annetpfeffer
09-22-2011, 12:49 AM
Annepfeffer's quite handy at rhymin'
Why, thank you, it's all in the timin'

Pthom
09-22-2011, 01:06 AM
Annepfeffer's quite handy at rhymin'
Why, thank you, it's all in the timin'
Do you use a crutch?

annetpfeffer
09-22-2011, 03:24 AM
Annepfeffer's quite handy at rhymin'
Why, thank you, it's all in the timin'
Do you use a crutch?
Just RhymeZone and such

annetpfeffer
09-22-2011, 03:31 AM
Annepfeffer's quite handy at rhymin'
Why, thank you, it's all in the timin'
Do you use a crutch?
Just RhymeZone and such
Without it I'd be pantomimin'.


But you, friends, are cleverer still

Matera the Mad
09-22-2011, 03:59 AM
But you, friends, are cleverer still
Your limerick lines fill the bill

MidlifeMark
09-22-2011, 04:10 AM
But you, friends, are cleverer still
Your limerick lines fill the bill
But my favorite rhyme

Nymtoc
09-22-2011, 06:37 AM
But you, friends, are cleverer still
Your limerick lines fill the bill
But my favorite rhyme
Is still "I'm prime time!"

annetpfeffer
09-22-2011, 07:35 AM
But you, friends, are cleverer still
Your limerick lines fill the bill
But my favorite rhyme
Is still "I'm prime time!"
I can't end this, but Flyingtart will!


The ugliest man in the world

Nymtoc
09-22-2011, 07:46 AM
The ugliest man in the world
Decided to have his beard curled

Sir_Nigel
09-22-2011, 11:29 AM
I'm stymied. Does "law" rhyme with "more" in the UK? lol I know you guys put "r's" in places that Americans don't...

Sorry for the late reply to this butÖ


Donít wanna be a bore
Or start a language war
But More has rhymed with Law
since days of yore
to heretofore
Even on that far flung shore?

As for rís AnnePepper I can only think of one word where we put an R where Americans donít.

So never put your rís
On stage in seedy bars
On the leather seats of cars
Or near lit cigars
And if my rhyming jars
The language here is ours

OK thatís an iffy last line

Now back to the limerick.

Annepfeffer's quite handy at rhymin'
Why, thank you, it's all in the timin'
Do you use a crutch?
Or not get out much

Nymtoc
09-22-2011, 12:01 PM
I'm stymied. Does "law" rhyme with "more" in the UK? lol I know you guys put "r's" in places that Americans don't...

Sorry for the late reply to this but…


Don’t wanna be a bore
Or start a language war
But More has rhymed with Law
since days of yore
to heretofore
Even on that far flung shore?


I am moved to comment again on this. ;)

In the US, we have many accents--just as you have in the UK--and I could definitely hear an American saying, "I used to practice loah and I don't any moah." OR "I used to practice lawr and I don't anymore." The extra "r" in the second example is prevalent among native New Yorkers, who use it in place of a glottal stop, e.g. "Alphar and betar are Greek letters."

:D

flyingtart
09-22-2011, 12:45 PM
Well, if you've all quite finished the Law Wars...

Annepfeffer's quite handy at rhymin'
Why, thank you, it's all in the timin'
Do you use a crutch?
Or not get out much
Your pronunciation's quite remarkable*

*In Auchtermuchty the word remarkable is pronounced "primin'"

The ugliest man in the world
Decided to have his beard curled
So he heated the tongs

Sir_Nigel
09-22-2011, 12:54 PM
The ugliest man in the world
Decided to have his beard curled
So he heated the tongs
Smoked several bongs

Matera the Mad
09-22-2011, 01:32 PM
The ugliest man in the world
Decided to have his beard curled
So he heated the tongs
Smoked several bongs
And soon he was knitted and purled.

His beard, now an object of wonder,

annetpfeffer
09-22-2011, 03:05 PM
I'm stymied. Does "law" rhyme with "more" in the UK? lol I know you guys put "r's" in places that Americans don't...

Sorry for the late reply to this butÖ


Donít wanna be a bore
Or start a language war
But More has rhymed with Law
since days of yore
to heretofore
Even on that far flung shore?

As for rís AnnePepper I can only think of one word where we put an R where Americans donít.

So never put your rís
On stage in seedy bars
On the leather seats of cars
Or near lit cigars
And if my rhyming jars
The language here is ours

OK thatís an iffy last line

Now back to the limerick.

Annepfeffer's quite handy at rhymin'
Why, thank you, it's all in the timin'
Do you use a crutch?
Or not get out much


Nigel:
I'm not sure where you're coming from on this....my original comments were meant as entirely friendly -- I hope you knew that. :) Sometimes it's hard to read tone in an email, and I hope I didn't offend ???

annetpfeffer
09-22-2011, 03:11 PM
Well, if you've all quite finished the Law Wars...

Annepfeffer's quite handy at rhymin'
Why, thank you, it's all in the timin'
Do you use a crutch?
Or not get out much
Your pronunciation's quite remarkable*

*In Auchtermuchty the word remarkable is pronounced "primin'"


flyingtart --- LMAO

annetpfeffer
09-22-2011, 03:19 PM
Donít wanna be a bore
Or start a language war
But More has rhymed with Law
since days of yore
to heretofore
Even on that far flung shore?



Sorry, not in Califor
(nia)***

***this rhymes on the West Coast of the United States
:):)

flyingtart
09-22-2011, 03:26 PM
His beard, now an object of wonder,
Cast all his admirers asunder

annetpfeffer
09-22-2011, 04:01 PM
His beard, now an object of wonder,
Cast all his admirers asunder
The women all flocked

Sir_Nigel
09-22-2011, 04:19 PM
His beard, now an object of wonder,
Cast all his admirers asunder
The women all flocked
But many were shocked

Anne,
Re. Tone. I really must remember to pepper my posts with smiley faces. :)Donít worry. Everyoneís cool. ;)No-one needs to go rolling up the sleeves of their flouncy poetís blouson. Ha ha hahaha. Ha. See?:e2kissy:

annetpfeffer
09-22-2011, 04:32 PM
His beard, now an object of wonder,
Cast all his admirers asunder
The women all flocked
But many were shocked,
when they saw who he'd chosen to plunder.


She had hair that was black as the night

(Nigel: :))

Sir_Nigel
09-22-2011, 05:09 PM
She had hair that was black as the night
on her legs – what a horrible sight

Lavern08
09-22-2011, 05:48 PM
She had hair that was black as the night
on her legs – what a horrible sight
But the hair on her head

annetpfeffer
09-22-2011, 07:14 PM
Yikes what happened? Let's start over...

She had hair that was black as the night
on her legs – what a horrible sight
But the hair on her head
Filled onlookers with dread

flyingtart
09-22-2011, 07:36 PM
She had hair that was black as the night
on her legs – what a horrible sight
But the hair on her head
Filled onlookers with dread
For it turns into serpents that bite


The eye test proved Justin deluded

annetpfeffer
09-23-2011, 01:08 AM
The eye test proved Justin deluded.
He was legally blind, it concluded.

Nymtoc
09-23-2011, 01:33 AM
The eye test proved Justin deluded.
He was legally blind, it concluded,
And yet he could see

MidlifeMark
09-23-2011, 03:22 AM
The eye test proved Justin deluded.
He was legally blind, it concluded,
And yet he could see
To stand tall and pee