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flyingtart
07-01-2011, 07:07 PM
For the lady was six feet seven
With hips from Durham to Devon
She thrilled them to bits

iLion
07-01-2011, 09:02 PM
For the lady was six feet seven
With hips from Durham to Devon
She thrilled them to bits
By showing her wits

Nymtoc
07-02-2011, 01:16 AM
For the lady was six feet seven
With hips from Durham to Devon
She thrilled them to bits
By showing her wits
With a joke book from 7-Eleven.

The highwayman rode through the night

Matera the Mad
07-02-2011, 02:13 PM
The highwayman rode through the night
'Til his pants, which were awfully tight

flyingtart
07-02-2011, 02:22 PM
The highwayman rode through the night
'Til his pants, which were awfully tight
Burst at the seams

GailD
07-02-2011, 02:28 PM
The highwayman rode through the night
'Til his pants, which were awfully tight
Burst at the seams
Quite ruining his dreams

Matera the Mad
07-02-2011, 03:27 PM
The highwayman rode through the night
'Til his pants, which were awfully tight
Burst at the seams
Quite ruining his dreams
Of a tryst at the morning's first light

So he stopped at the house of a tailor

GailD
07-02-2011, 08:00 PM
So he stopped at the house of a tailor
Whose wife was a screamer and wailer

Nymtoc
07-02-2011, 09:51 PM
So he stopped at the house of a tailor
Whose wife was a screamer and wailer
He pulled out his gag

flyingtart
07-02-2011, 09:53 PM
So he stopped at the house of a tailor
Whose wife was a screamer and wailer
He pulled out his gag
She lit up a fag

Matera the Mad
07-03-2011, 04:42 AM
So he stopped at the house of a tailor
Whose wife was a screamer and wailer
He pulled out his gag
She lit up a fag
And said "How do you like it, eh, sailor?"

But in walked her husband, all sweaty

Pthom
07-03-2011, 06:03 AM
But in walked her husband, all sweaty
And because his best shirt was so wet he

flyingtart
07-03-2011, 12:01 PM
But in walked her husband, all sweaty
And because his best shirt was so wet he
Flung it on the floor

GailD
07-03-2011, 02:43 PM
But in walked her husband, all sweaty
And because his best shirt was so wet he
Flung it on the floor
Said, "I ain't doing this no more"

Nymtoc
07-03-2011, 06:13 PM
But in walked her husband, all sweaty
And because his best shirt was so wet he
Flung it on the floor
"I cain't do this no more
And for God's sake, stop calling me Betty."

There once was a penguin so sad

Matera the Mad
07-04-2011, 08:25 AM
There once was a penguin so sad
The Linux Tux dude was his dad

Nymtoc
07-04-2011, 11:49 AM
There once was a penguin so sad
The Linux Tux dude was his dad
"I wish that my pater

flyingtart
07-04-2011, 12:02 PM
There once was a penguin so sad
The Linux Tux dude was his dad
"I wish that my pater
Had ne'er met my mater

GailD
07-04-2011, 01:40 PM
There once was a penguin so sad
The Linux Tux dude was his dad
"I wish that my pater
Had ne'er met my mater
And that they'd hatched me in Leningrad".


There's no fun in being born in a zoo

Sir_Nigel
07-04-2011, 02:23 PM
There's no fun in being born in a zoo
said Trixie - the sad Caribou

flyingtart
07-04-2011, 11:01 PM
There's no fun in being born in a zoo
said Trixie - the sad Caribou
Then, to prove her point

MidlifeMark
07-05-2011, 01:53 AM
There's no fun in being born in a zoo
said Trixie - the sad Caribou
Then, to prove her point
She lit up a joint

Matera the Mad
07-05-2011, 10:09 AM
There's no fun in being born in a zoo
said Trixie - the sad Caribou
Then, to prove her point
She lit up a joint
And blew smoke rings through which a bird flew

Said my boyfriend, "The fireworks are over."

Xelebes
07-05-2011, 10:20 AM
Said my boyfriend, "The fireworks are over."
As we rode through that burgh Hanover,

Sir_Nigel
07-05-2011, 11:49 AM
Said my boyfriend, "The fireworks are over."
As we rode through that burgh Hanover,
Then, just outside Osnabrück

flyingtart
07-05-2011, 01:37 PM
Said my boyfriend, "The fireworks are over."
As we rode through that burgh Hanover,
Then, just outside Osnabrück
He gave me a look

Sir_Nigel
07-05-2011, 02:32 PM
Said my boyfriend, "The fireworks are over."
As we rode through that burgh Hanover,
Then, just outside Osnabrück
He gave me a look
‘You could dress like Maria Sharapova’


A suitable outfit was bought

GailD
07-05-2011, 04:26 PM
A suitable outfit was bought
Though nothing quite matched as it ought

flyingtart
07-05-2011, 05:44 PM
A suitable outfit was bought
Though nothing quite matched as it ought
The sleeves were too tight

archerjoe
07-05-2011, 09:51 PM
A suitable outfit was bought
Though nothing quite matched as it ought
The sleeves were too tight
And try as she might

Nymtoc
07-05-2011, 10:20 PM
A suitable outfit was bought
Though nothing quite matched as it ought
The sleeves were too tight
And try as she might
To fix it, it all came to nought.

One morning in early July

flyingtart
07-05-2011, 10:34 PM
One morning in early July
Ayn Rand couldn't figure out why

Matera the Mad
07-05-2011, 11:13 PM
One morning in early July
Ayn Rand couldn't figure out why
Her socks didn't match

Pthom
07-05-2011, 11:41 PM
One morning in early July
Ayn Rand couldn't figure out why
Her socks didn't match
Nor would her belt latch

Sir_Nigel
07-06-2011, 01:01 PM
One morning in early July
Ayn Rand couldn't figure out why
Her socks didn't match
Nor would her belt latch.
This rhyme is like watching paint dry

They cheered as the guillotine fell

Pthom
07-13-2011, 03:18 AM
I wonder if we can remember where these limericks went?

They cheered as the guillotine fell
'Cause it meant she was going to hell.

Nymtoc
07-13-2011, 10:40 AM
They cheered as the guillotine fell
'Cause it meant she was going to hell.
The Austrian whore

flyingtart
07-13-2011, 11:57 AM
They cheered as the guillotine fell
'Cause it meant she was going to hell.
The Austrian whore
Was a terrible bore

Sir_Nigel
07-13-2011, 12:47 PM
They cheered as the guillotine fell
'Cause it meant she was going to hell.
The Austrian whore
Was a terrible bore
And her feet were quite smelly as well


Some disastrous blow has occurred !

iLion
07-13-2011, 08:49 PM
Some disastrous blow has occurred !
In the mirror I see only a nerd!

archerjoe
07-13-2011, 09:32 PM
Some disastrous blow has occurred !
In the mirror I see only a nerd!
So not debonair

flyingtart
07-13-2011, 09:39 PM
Some disastrous blow has occurred !
In the mirror I see only a nerd!
So not debonair
With such messy hair

Nymtoc
07-13-2011, 09:51 PM
Some disastrous blow has occurred !
In the mirror I see only a nerd!
So not debonair
With such messy hair
That cannot be me! It's absurd!

I got lost in the forest last week

flyingtart
07-13-2011, 11:13 PM
I got lost in the forest last week
When I followed a bird with no beak

Pthom
07-14-2011, 02:17 AM
I got lost in the forest last week
When I followed a bird with no beak
Nor had it a tail

Nymtoc
07-14-2011, 03:46 AM
I got lost in the forest last week
When I followed a bird with no beak
Nor had it a tail
Still, it left a trail

GailD
07-14-2011, 03:58 AM
I got lost in the forest last week
When I followed a bird with no beak
Nor had it a tail
Still, it left a trail
And one has to admire it's technique!



That one can be so easily fooled

Matera the Mad
07-14-2011, 05:39 AM
That one can be so easily fooled
No matter how much he's been schooled

archerjoe
07-14-2011, 06:51 AM
That one can be so easily fooled
No matter how much he's been schooled
Con artists galore

kellysaid
07-14-2011, 07:18 AM
That one can be so easily fooled
No matter how much he's been schooled
Con artists galore
Pick his pockets for more

Sir_Nigel
07-14-2011, 11:49 AM
That one can be so easily fooled
No matter how much he's been schooled
Con artists galore
Pick his pockets for more
Who’d want to be Elliot Gould?

What happened? Could someone explain?

flyingtart
07-14-2011, 12:37 PM
What happened? Could someone explain?
The facts look to me quite insane

GailD
07-14-2011, 03:14 PM
What happened? Could someone explain?
The facts look to me quite insane
Have we been hacked?

Sir_Nigel
07-14-2011, 04:09 PM
What happened? Could someone explain?
The facts look to me quite insane
Have we been hacked?
or a space/time zone cracked?

Matera the Mad
07-14-2011, 04:11 PM
What happened? Could someone explain?
The facts look to me quite insane
Have we been hacked?
or a space/time zone cracked?
My thread's gone and I am in pain!

If uncertainty's all that is certain

Nymtoc
07-14-2011, 04:51 PM
If uncertainty's all that is certain
We might as well ring down the curtain

Sir_Nigel
07-14-2011, 05:06 PM
If uncertainty's all that is certain
We might as well ring down the curtain
But stiffen your sinews

flyingtart
07-14-2011, 05:08 PM
If uncertainty's all that is certain
We might as well ring down the curtain
But stiffen your sinews
The stout-hearted renews

archerjoe
07-14-2011, 06:52 PM
If uncertainty's all that is certain
We might as well ring down the curtain
But stiffen your sinews
The stout-hearted renews
His beer stein and gets back to flirtin'

Poor Seamus was banned from the pub

flyingtart
07-14-2011, 07:18 PM
Poor Seamus was banned from the pub
For spilling his beer on the grub

iLion
07-14-2011, 08:32 PM
Poor Seamus was banned from the pub
For spilling his beer on the grub
Then licking it up

Matera the Mad
07-14-2011, 10:30 PM
Poor Seamus was banned from the pub
For spilling his beer on the grub
Then licking it up
Like an unmannered pup

Nymtoc
07-14-2011, 11:33 PM
Poor Seamus was banned from the pub
For spilling his beer on the grub
Then licking it up
Like an unmannered pup
And vomiting into the tub.

Young Geraldine lived at the mill

oneblindmouse
07-14-2011, 11:34 PM
Poor Seamus was banned from the pub
For spilling his beer on the grub
Then licking it up
Like an unmannered pup
And burping too loud - there's the rub!

His circle of friends all decamped

Pthom
07-15-2011, 12:36 AM
Ooh, a nuther two-fer! Wheee!

Young Geraldine lived at the mill
Where she hoarded a magical pill


His circle of friends all decamped
" 'Cause our style," they said, "you've sorely cramped!"

Melisande
07-15-2011, 01:46 AM
Young Geraldine lived at the mill
Where she hoarded a magical pill
to make her look thinner



His circle of friends all decamped
" 'Cause our style," they said, "you've sorely cramped!"
you're always too bloody smelly

Nymtoc
07-15-2011, 02:13 AM
Young Geraldine lived at the mill
Where she hoarded a magical pill
to make her look thinner,
A Miss Haystack winner



His circle of friends all decamped
" 'Cause our style," they said, "you've sorely cramped!"
you're too bloody smelly
And look at your belly!

Matera the Mad
07-15-2011, 03:51 AM
Young Geraldine lived at the mill
Where she hoarded a magical pill
to make her look thinner,
A Miss Haystack winner
Who, frankly, made most men quite ill

The Internet's so full of dangers

MidlifeMark
07-15-2011, 04:49 AM
The Internet's so full of dangers
Replete with untrustworthy strangers

Cybernaught
07-15-2011, 04:52 AM
The internet's so full of dangers
Replete with untrustworthy strangers
They'll publish your book

MidlifeMark
07-15-2011, 04:56 AM
The internet's so full of dangers
Replete with untrustworthy strangers
They'll publish your book
On Kindle and Nook

Pthom
07-15-2011, 05:09 AM
His circle of friends all decamped
" 'Cause our style," they said, "you've sorely cramped!
You're too bloody smelly
And look at your belly!
How did you get that passport stamped?"

The internet's so full of dangers
Replete with untrustworthy strangers
They'll publish your book
On Kindle and Nook
And your PIN, sell to Russian exchangers.

I'm glad these bad limericks are done

Nymtoc
07-15-2011, 08:55 AM
I'm glad these bad limericks are done
My muse says they aren't any fun

flyingtart
07-15-2011, 12:11 PM
I'm glad these bad limericks are done
My muse says they aren't any fun
My brain overheats

GailD
07-15-2011, 03:35 PM
I'm glad these bad limericks are done
My muse says they aren't any fun
My brain overheats
And my guts are in pleats

Sir_Nigel
07-15-2011, 04:07 PM
I'm glad these bad limericks are done
My muse says they aren't any fun
My brain overheats
And my guts are in pleats
As I search for a side-splitting pun

Lets make this the very last rhyme

MidlifeMark
07-15-2011, 06:07 PM
Lets make this the very last rhyme
Endeavor to make it sublime

flyingtart
07-15-2011, 08:28 PM
Lets make this the very last rhyme
Endeavor to make it sublime
Each glorious word

Pthom
07-15-2011, 09:23 PM
Lets make this the very last rhyme
Endeavor to make it sublime
Each glorious word
(Forbid the absurd!)

Nymtoc
07-15-2011, 11:14 PM
Lets make this the very last rhyme
Endeavor to make it sublime
Each glorious word
(Forbid the absurd!)
Will ennoble our wit for all time.

But if we stop churning out verse

flyingtart
07-15-2011, 11:19 PM
But if we stop churning out verse
Our lives are immeasurably worse

talkwrite
07-16-2011, 12:06 AM
But if we stop churning out verse
Our lives are immeasurably worse
One writer silenced

Cybernaught
07-16-2011, 12:51 AM
But if we stop churning out verse
Our lives are immeasurably worse
One writer silenced
His sales in the minus

GailD
07-16-2011, 02:09 AM
But if we stop churning out verse
Our lives are immeasurably worse
One writer silenced
His sales in the minus
Won't benefit anyone's purse.




So let's all share the pleasure of lex

HarryHoskins
07-16-2011, 03:21 AM
So let's all share the pleasure of lex
With no fear of an accursed hex

Matera the Mad
07-16-2011, 04:32 AM
So let's all share the pleasure of lex
With no fear of an accursed hex
Let's freely read

Pthom
07-16-2011, 05:11 AM
So let's all share the pleasure of lex
With no fear of an accursed hex
Let's freely read
(And do so with speed!)

Nymtoc
07-16-2011, 06:48 AM
So let's all share the pleasure of lex
With no fear of an accursed hex
Let's freely read
(And do so with speed!)
Crying, "Brek-kek-kek-kek-koax!"*

So henceforth our verses will flow



*I cheated a little on that rhyme, but I think Aristophanes would forgive me. ;)

flyingtart
07-16-2011, 12:57 PM
So henceforth our verses will flow
Like volcanic lava aglow

GailD
07-16-2011, 01:25 PM
So henceforth our verses will flow
Like volcanic lava aglow
Choc full of virgins

Nymtoc
07-16-2011, 06:38 PM
So henceforth our verses will flow
Like volcanic lava aglow
Choc full of virgins
Who're choc full of urgin's

flyingtart
07-16-2011, 06:57 PM
So henceforth our verses will flow
Like volcanic lava aglow
Choc full of virgins
Who're choc full of urgin's
(The details of which I don't know)


Nym's signature's diggin' so hard

Melisande
07-16-2011, 09:35 PM
Nym's signature's diggin' so hard
there is no way he's a true bard

Nymtoc
07-16-2011, 09:46 PM
Nym's signature's diggin' so hard
there is no way he's a true bard
His rhymes are so lame

flyingtart
07-16-2011, 09:57 PM
Nym's signature's diggin' so hard
there is no way he's a true bard
His rhymes are so lame
It's really a shame

Anninyn
07-16-2011, 11:14 PM
Nym's signature's diggin' so hard
there is no way he's a true bard
His rhymes are so lame
It's really a shame
They won't make it onto a card.

It's late, and I'm wanting my tea

GailD
07-17-2011, 01:35 AM
It's late, and I'm wanting my tea
But the chippy's not open past three

HarryHoskins
07-17-2011, 03:58 AM
It's late, and I'm wanting my tea
But the chippy's not open past three
Perhaps H.G can help

Matera the Mad
07-17-2011, 01:38 PM
It's late, and I'm wanting my tea
But the chippy's not open past three
Perhaps H.G can help
I'll give him a yelp

flyingtart
07-17-2011, 02:38 PM
It's late, and I'm wanting my tea
But the chippy's not open past three
Perhaps H.G can help
I'll give him a yelp
He's bound to have something for me.


My uncle is being deported

Matera the Mad
07-17-2011, 06:14 PM
My uncle is being deported
For doing things vulgar and sordid

archerjoe
07-17-2011, 09:29 PM
My uncle is being deported
For doing things vulgar and sordid
And as for my aunt

Nymtoc
07-17-2011, 11:10 PM
My uncle is being deported
For doing things vulgar and sordid
And as for my aunt
Whose boobies she'd flaunt

GailD
07-18-2011, 02:12 AM
My uncle is being deported
For doing things vulgar and sordid
And as for my aunt
Whose boobies she'd flaunt
Well, her stay here is fully supported.




Someone is hacking my phone

Pthom
07-18-2011, 03:01 AM
Someone is hacking my phone
At least, in that, I'm not alone

Nymtoc
07-18-2011, 03:56 AM
Someone is hacking my phone
At least, in that, I'm not alone
But Murdoch's foul schemes

Pthom
07-18-2011, 03:59 AM
Someone is hacking my phone
At least, in that, I'm not alone
But Murdoch's foul schemes
Have ruined my dreams

archerjoe
07-18-2011, 04:20 AM
Someone is hacking my phone
At least, in that, I'm not alone
But Murdoch's foul schemes
Have ruined my dreamsNo chance he'll ever atone

My pizza is dripping with cheese

MidlifeMark
07-18-2011, 06:07 AM
My pizza is dripping with cheese
My puppy is covered with fleas

Nymtoc
07-18-2011, 06:27 AM
My pizza is dripping with cheese
My puppy is covered with fleas
My cat has the flu

Matera the Mad
07-18-2011, 08:21 AM
My pizza is dripping with cheese
My puppy is covered with fleas
My cat has the flu
And my dog wants to screw

Nymtoc
07-18-2011, 08:52 AM
My pizza is dripping with cheese
My puppy is covered with fleas
My cat has the flu
And my dog wants to screw
Anything in a sexy chemise.

The gossips all talk about Winnie

Albedo of Zero
07-18-2011, 10:13 AM
The gossips all talk about Winnie
it started with how she hurt Vinnie

Xelebes
07-18-2011, 10:58 AM
The gossips all talk about Winnie
it started with how she hurt Vinnie
The saucepan was hot

flyingtart
07-18-2011, 12:09 PM
The gossips all talk about Winnie
it started with how she hurt Vinnie
The saucepan was hot
That stung him a lot

archerjoe
07-18-2011, 05:24 PM
The gossips all talk about Winnie
it started with how she hurt Vinnie
The saucepan was hot
That stung him a lot
For eyeing the flirtatious Ginnie

The doctor said "Vinnie, it's bad"

Nymtoc
07-18-2011, 05:25 PM
The gossips all talk about Winnie
it started with how she hurt Vinnie
The saucepan was hot
That stung him a lot
And now Vinnie's mad as hell, i'n''ne?

My roses have started to chatter

GailD
07-18-2011, 06:44 PM
Looks like we've got a two-fer, again.


The doctor said "Vinnie, it's bad.
Penicillin won't help you, dear lad."






My roses have started to chatter
They must think I'm as mad as a hatter.

flyingtart
07-18-2011, 06:54 PM
The doctor said "Vinnie, it's bad.
Penicillin won't help you, dear lad.
I'm thinking instead





My roses have started to chatter
They must think I'm as mad as a hatter.
But the things that they say

archerjoe
07-18-2011, 07:50 PM
The doctor said "Vinnie, it's bad.
Penicillin won't help you, dear lad.
I'm thinking instead
It's all in your head



My roses have started to chatter
They must think I'm as mad as a hatter.
But the things that they say
Are so soothing today

iLion
07-18-2011, 08:59 PM
The doctor said "Vinnie, it's bad.
Penicillin won't help you, dear lad.
I'm thinking instead
It's all in your head
The one on your neck, I might add.

My roses have started to chatter
They must think I'm as mad as a hatter.
But the things that they say
Are so soothing today
I'll serve tea and then add my own prater.


The voices I hear in my head

archerjoe
07-18-2011, 09:14 PM
The voices I hear in my head
Are worse now my landlord is dead

Lavern08
07-18-2011, 10:48 PM
The voices I hear in my head
Are worse now my landlord is dead
His body is stinkin'

archerjoe
07-18-2011, 10:57 PM
The voices I hear in my head
Are worse now my landlord is dead
His body is stinkin'
It's his beer I'm drinkin'

flyingtart
07-18-2011, 11:37 PM
The voices I hear in my head
Are worse now my landlord is dead
His body is stinkin'
It's his beer I'm drinkin'
I found it stashed under his bed


Miss Monica Foster-Dupree

Nymtoc
07-19-2011, 12:11 AM
Miss Monica Foster-Dupree
Considered herself quite chichi

Pthom
07-19-2011, 04:35 AM
Miss Monica Foster-Dupree
Considered herself quite chichi
But for all of her swish

MidlifeMark
07-19-2011, 06:56 AM
Miss Monica Foster-Dupree
Considered herself quite chichi
But for all of her swish
She'd go down for a knish

flyingtart
07-19-2011, 12:57 PM
Miss Monica Foster-Dupree
Considered herself quite chichi
But for all of her swish
She'd go down for a knish
And sticks out her pinkie to pee


The phone hacking's got out of hand

GailD
07-19-2011, 02:01 PM
The phone hacking's got out of hand
And Rebekah has got herself banned

Nymtoc
07-19-2011, 04:20 PM
The phone hacking's got out of hand
And Rebekah has got herself banned
And Rupert the Bold

flyingtart
07-19-2011, 05:32 PM
The phone hacking's got out of hand
And Rebekah has got herself banned
And Rupert the Bold
Must surely be told

Nymtoc
07-19-2011, 06:29 PM
The phone hacking's got out of hand
And Rebekah has got herself banned
And Rupert the Bold
Must surely be told
To get the hell out of this land.

Young James is as slick as his dad

Lavern08
07-19-2011, 07:02 PM
Young James is as slick as his dad
He does make the rest of us mad

flyingtart
07-19-2011, 07:14 PM
Young James is as slick as his dad
He does make the rest of us mad
He's too young, I fear

iLion
07-19-2011, 08:01 PM
Young James is as slick as his dad
He does make the rest of us mad
He's too young, I fear
And quite possibly queer

Pthom
07-20-2011, 02:10 AM
Young James is as slick as his dad
He does make the rest of us mad
He's too young, I fear
And quite possibly queer
Let us ban, shun and cast out the lad!

No, wait, that's most impolite!

archerjoe
07-20-2011, 02:36 AM
No, wait, that's most impolite!
On the streets, he won't last one night

Nymtoc
07-20-2011, 03:01 AM
No, wait, that's most impolite!
On the streets, he won't last one night
Should we teach him kung fu?

MidlifeMark
07-20-2011, 04:37 AM
No, wait, that's most impolite!
On the streets, he won't last one night
Should we teach him kung fu?
Hide a gun in his shoe?

Pthom
07-20-2011, 04:52 AM
No, wait, that's most impolite!
On the streets, he won't last one night
Should we teach him kung fu?
Hide a gun in his shoe?
No, instead, we should teach him to write!


“Absolutely,” the super-mod said.

flyingtart
07-20-2011, 12:32 PM
“Absolutely,” the super-mod said.
As he rose like a wraith from the bed

Sir_Nigel
07-20-2011, 12:42 PM
“Absolutely,” the super-mod said.
As he rose like a wraith from the bed,
‘Now pass me the gin’

GailD
07-20-2011, 12:57 PM
“Absolutely,” the super-mod said.
As he rose like a wraith from the bed,
‘Now pass me the gin,
'Cos the state that I'm in

Matera the Mad
07-20-2011, 03:29 PM
“Absolutely,” the super-mod said.
As he rose like a wraith from the bed,
‘Now pass me the gin,
'Cos the state that I'm in
Makes power go straight to my head

He deleted ten posts, then he banned

Sir_Nigel
07-20-2011, 05:05 PM
He deleted ten posts, then he banned
innuendo and smut out of hand

flyingtart
07-20-2011, 05:24 PM
He deleted ten posts, then he banned
innuendo and smut out of hand
The lim'rickers feared

Matera the Mad
07-20-2011, 08:30 PM
He deleted ten posts, then he banned
innuendo and smut out of hand
The lim'rickers feared
As the Grim Cursor neared

archerjoe
07-20-2011, 09:22 PM
He deleted ten posts, then he banned
innuendo and smut out of hand
The lim'rickers feared
As the Grim Cursor neared
Exile in an iambic-less land

But some mods are open to bribes

Matera the Mad
07-20-2011, 09:31 PM
But some mods are open to bribes
Even from our recalcitrant tribe

flyingtart
07-20-2011, 09:37 PM
But some mods are open to bribes
Even from our recalcitrant tribe
Let's slip him a bung

iLion
07-20-2011, 09:40 PM
But some mods are open to bribes
Even from our recalcitrant tribe
Let's slip him a bung
I've heard that he's hung

Pthom
07-21-2011, 02:11 AM
But some mods are open to bribes
Even from our recalcitrant tribe
Let's slip him a bung
I've heard that he's hung
"What?" said he, slipping a rung.

From the ladder high perch he did fall

GailD
07-21-2011, 02:18 AM
But some mods are open to bribes
Even from our recalcitrant tribe
Let's slip him a bung
I've heard that he's hung
Like an ox, but that's a mean gibe.




From the ladder's high perch he did fall
And lay splattered below the rock wall

MidlifeMark
07-21-2011, 04:02 AM
From the ladder's high perch he did fall
And lay splattered below the rock wall
And despite the king's horses

Pthom
07-21-2011, 04:03 AM
From the ladder's high perch he did fall
And lay splattered below the rock wall
"I'm done in," he said. . . . (see?)
And despite the king's horses
Or vast cosmic forces

MidlifeMark
07-21-2011, 05:09 AM
From the ladder's high perch he did fall
And lay splattered below the rock wall
And despite the king's horses
Or vast cosmic forces
The poor fellow now has but one ball.

Now his poor asymmetrical scrotum

Nymtoc
07-21-2011, 05:31 AM
Now his poor asymmetrical scrotum
Causes rhymes so absurd comics quote 'em

Matera the Mad
07-21-2011, 07:30 AM
Now his poor asymmetrical scrotum
Causes rhymes so absurd comics quote 'em
Though handsome and tall

Sir_Nigel
07-21-2011, 11:14 AM
Now his poor asymmetrical scrotum
Causes rhymes so absurd comics quote 'em
Though handsome and tall
his gargantuan ball

flyingtart
07-21-2011, 12:36 PM
Now his poor asymmetrical scrotum
Causes rhymes so absurd comics quote 'em
Though handsome and tall
his gargantuan ball
Must be hidden in swathes of psilotum


He kept a knife under his pillow

GailD
07-21-2011, 02:21 PM
He kept a knife under his pillow
It's blade as small as a minnow

Lavern08
07-21-2011, 07:24 PM
Ummmm,

Gail Darling - minnow does NOT rhyme with pillow!

Pthom
07-21-2011, 11:53 PM
Well, it kinda does...the last syllable, anyway. But I have no doubt that King Nymtoc would agree with Lavern, so let's posit a fix:

He kept a knife under his pillow
It's blade as limp as a willow

flyingtart
07-22-2011, 12:01 AM
*Hey if Nymtoc's been promoted to King can I be Queen?

He kept a knife under his pillow
It's blade as limp as a willow
So if, in the night

MidlifeMark
07-22-2011, 06:43 AM
He kept a knife under his pillow
It's blade as limp as a willow
So if, in the night
He is called on to fight

archerjoe
07-22-2011, 06:51 AM
He kept a knife under his pillow
It's blade as limp as a willow
So if, in the night
He is called on to fight
He'll summon his pet armadillo

A nightie's a delicate thing

Sir_Nigel
07-22-2011, 12:20 PM
A nightie's a delicate thing
But its flung when you’re having a fling

GailD
07-22-2011, 01:44 PM
Please can we not alter/critique each other's posts. It spoils the fun. Well, it does for me. (It's an imperfect world.)

A nightie's a delicate thing
But its flung when you’re having a fling
Though skimpy it be

Sir_Nigel
07-22-2011, 02:24 PM
A nightie's a delicate thing
But its flung when you’re having a fling
Though skimpy it be
go natural and free

flyingtart
07-22-2011, 04:45 PM
A nightie's a delicate thing
But its flung when you’re having a fling
Though skimpy it be
go natural and free
Of nudists you'll then be the King.


She heard a strange tap on her door

MidlifeMark
07-22-2011, 05:21 PM
She heard a strange tap on her door
So odd that she could not ignore

archerjoe
07-22-2011, 05:39 PM
She heard a strange tap on her door
So odd that she could not ignore
Expressed in Morse code

MidlifeMark
07-22-2011, 08:48 PM
She heard a strange tap on her door
So odd that she could not ignore
Expressed in Morse code
Tapped out by a toad

Nymtoc
07-23-2011, 01:27 AM
She heard a strange tap on her door
So odd that she could not ignore
Expressed in Morse code
Tapped out by a toad
Who couldn't stand hearing her snore.

Greg runs fifty miles every day

MidlifeMark
07-23-2011, 02:18 AM
Greg runs fifty miles every day
But never goes twice the same way.

Matera the Mad
07-23-2011, 03:43 AM
Greg runs fifty miles every day
But never goes twice the same way.
One day he got lost

MidlifeMark
07-23-2011, 04:31 AM
Greg runs fifty miles every day
But never goes twice the same way.
One day he got lost
(I think he was sauced)

GailD
07-23-2011, 10:27 PM
Greg runs fifty miles every day
But never goes twice the same way.
One day he got lost
(I think he was sauced)
Let's all hope he gets home okay.


A bouncy young lady named Bryce

Lavern08
07-23-2011, 11:16 PM
A bouncy young lady named Bryce
Went out for a big bag of ice

flyingtart
07-23-2011, 11:20 PM
A bouncy young lady named Bryce
Went out for a big bag of ice
When nearing the store

MidlifeMark
07-24-2011, 02:06 AM
A bouncy young lady named Bryce
Went out for a big bag of ice
When nearing the store
She tripped, fell, and swore

archerjoe
07-24-2011, 03:38 AM
A bouncy young lady named Bryce
Went out for a big bag of ice
When nearing the store
She tripped, fell, and swore
Some oaths that were not very nice

When ice cream is served in a cone

MidlifeMark
07-24-2011, 07:17 AM
When ice cream is served in a cone
It's best not to eat it while prone.

flyingtart
07-24-2011, 11:59 AM
When ice cream is served in a cone
It's best not to eat it while prone.
When melting it drips

Pthom
07-24-2011, 12:16 PM
When ice cream is served in a cone
It's best not to eat it while prone.
When melting it drips
And misses your lips

flyingtart
07-24-2011, 02:56 PM
When ice cream is served in a cone
It's best not to eat it while prone.
When melting it drips
And misses your lips
(Unless you're Sylvester Stallone)


I love to go cycling for hours

MidlifeMark
07-24-2011, 05:02 PM
I love to go cycling for hours
But have an aversion to showers

archerjoe
07-24-2011, 07:26 PM
I love to go cycling for hours
But have an aversion to showers
The faster I go

GailD
07-25-2011, 06:46 PM
I love to go cycling for hours
But have an aversion to showers
The faster I go
The greater I glow

Nymtoc
07-25-2011, 07:46 PM
I love to go cycling for hours
But have an aversion to showers
The faster I go
The greater I glow
For some reason, everyone cowers.

Laraine wants to sing with a band

flyingtart
07-25-2011, 07:57 PM
Laraine wants to sing with a band
But she might be in need of a hand

MidlifeMark
07-26-2011, 05:17 AM
Laraine wants to sing with a band
But she might be in need of a hand
She can't carry a tune,

Albedo of Zero
07-26-2011, 05:34 AM
Laraine wants to sing with a band
But she might be in need of a hand
She can't carry a tune,
She can't rap, she can't croon

Nymtoc
07-26-2011, 06:02 AM
Laraine wants to sing with a band
But she might be in need of a hand
She can't carry a tune,
She can't rap, she can't croon
She should bury her head in the sand.

My geranium's learning to speak

GailD
07-26-2011, 01:38 PM
My geranium's learning to speak
In Chihuahua, Bulldog and Peak*



*Pekinese

flyingtart
07-26-2011, 02:38 PM
My geranium's learning to speak
In Chihuahua, Bulldog and Peak
But his grasp of French poodle

Nymtoc
07-26-2011, 05:45 PM
My geranium's learning to speak
In Chihuahua, Bulldog and Peak
But his grasp of French poodle
Is limp as a noodle

flyingtart
07-26-2011, 06:42 PM
My geranium's learning to speak
In Chihuahua, Bulldog and Peak
But his grasp of French poodle
Is limp as a noodle
And his bull mastiff grammar is weak


I think he might tap-dance instead

GailD
07-26-2011, 08:22 PM
I think he might tap-dance instead
Like a triffid, from bed to bed

Pthom
07-27-2011, 04:46 AM
I think he might tap-dance instead
Like a triffid, from bed to bed
But the music they played

Matera the Mad
07-27-2011, 06:02 AM
I think he might tap-dance instead
Like a triffid, from bed to bed
But the music they played
Was too slow and staid

Elana
07-27-2011, 09:41 AM
I think he might tap-dance instead
Like a triffid, from bed to bed
But the music they played
Was too slow and staid
So he stumbled and lost all street cred.

A balloonist who flew to the moon

flyingtart
07-27-2011, 01:04 PM
A balloonist who flew to the moon
Was brought back to Earth all too soon

GailD
07-27-2011, 01:55 PM
A balloonist who flew to the moon
Was brought back to Earth all too soon
Sudden gravity gripped

iLion
07-27-2011, 08:44 PM
A balloonist who flew to the moon
Was brought back to Earth all too soon
Sudden gravity gripped
The balloons were all ripped

talkwrite
07-28-2011, 04:00 AM
A balloonist who flew to the moon
Was brought back to Earth all too soon
Sudden gravity gripped
The balloons were all ripped
Landing gently on a soft sand dune.

A storyteller ran out of words

archerjoe
07-28-2011, 06:38 AM
A storyteller ran out of words
He desperately turned to some nerds

Sir_Nigel
07-28-2011, 11:21 AM
A storyteller ran out of words
He desperately turned to some nerds
’Oh nerds, tell me why’

flyingtart
07-28-2011, 12:15 PM
A storyteller ran out of words
He desperately turned to some nerds
’Oh nerds, tell me why
Whenever I try

Sir_Nigel
07-28-2011, 12:39 PM
A storyteller ran out of words
He desperately turned to some nerds
’Oh nerds, tell me why
Whenever I try
I dry up like a …something…...that rhymes with…. words


A flibbertigibbet named Suzy

flyingtart
07-28-2011, 02:08 PM
A flibbertigibbet named Suzy
Got stuck while sat in a Jacuzzi

Sir_Nigel
07-28-2011, 02:53 PM
A flibbertigibbet named Suzy
Got stuck while sat in a Jacuzzi
Her rear so vast

flyingtart
07-28-2011, 03:44 PM
A flibbertigibbet named Suzy
Got stuck while sat in a Jacuzzi
Her rear so vast
It absorbed the blast

talkwrite
07-28-2011, 06:43 PM
A flibbertigibbet named Suzy
Got stuck while sat in a Jacuzzi
Her rear so vast
It absorbed the blast
Releasing bubbles in a flurry

If "red dawn is a sailor's alarm"

Nymtoc
07-29-2011, 12:31 AM
If "red dawn is a sailor's alarm"
Why didn't he stay on the farm?

GailD
07-29-2011, 01:07 AM
If "red dawn is a sailor's alarm"
Why didn't he stay on the farm?
Where waves of corn

Pthom
07-29-2011, 01:33 AM
If "red dawn is a sailor's alarm"
Why didn't he stay on the farm?
Where waves of corn
(And access to porn!)

MidlifeMark
07-29-2011, 05:21 AM
If "red dawn is a sailor's alarm"
Why didn't he stay on the farm?
Where waves of corn
(And access to porn!)
And underage livestock to charm?

The previous poem was nasty

flyingtart
07-29-2011, 10:29 AM
The previous poem was nasty
We should change the subject and fast-y

Pthom
07-29-2011, 10:35 AM
The previous poem was nasty
We should change the subject and fast-y
We'll make up a rhyme

Sir_Nigel
07-29-2011, 11:37 AM
The previous poem was nasty
We should change the subject and fast-y
We'll make up a rhyme
about alien slime

Nymtoc
07-29-2011, 06:45 PM
The previous poem was nasty
We should change the subject and fast-y
We'll make up a rhyme
about alien slime
We can't leave our readers aghast-y.

I've ordered a Komodo dragon

GailD
07-29-2011, 07:25 PM
I've ordered a Komodo dragon
But my wife, she's a-started naggin'

flyingtart
07-29-2011, 08:10 PM
I've ordered a Komodo dragon
But my wife, she's a-started naggin'
For my newly bought pet

iLion
07-29-2011, 09:07 PM
I've ordered a Komodo dragon
But my wife, she's a-started naggin'
For my newly bought pet
Has teethe, I regret,

Albedo of Zero
07-30-2011, 04:29 AM
I've ordered a Komodo dragon
But my wife, she's a-started naggin'
For my newly bought pet
Has teethe, I regret,
and got nosy while wife and I were shaggin'


The doctor could not keep from laughing

MidlifeMark
07-30-2011, 05:01 AM
The doctor could not keep from laughing
(a problem with medical staffing)

talkwrite
07-30-2011, 10:26 PM
The doctor could not keep from laughing
(a problem with medical staffing)
He bills by the minute

flyingtart
07-30-2011, 10:32 PM
The doctor could not keep from laughing
(a problem with medical staffing)
He bills by the minute
It's robbery, innit?

MidlifeMark
07-31-2011, 12:47 AM
The doctor could not keep from laughing
(a problem with medical staffing)
He bills by the minute
It's robbery, innit?
While his portfolio, he is graphing.

It's hot, and the sky is clear blue.

Lavern08
07-31-2011, 02:36 AM
It's hot, and the sky is clear blue
I'm bored and I've nothing to do

Nymtoc
07-31-2011, 03:24 AM
It's hot, and the sky is clear blue
I'm bored and I've nothing to do
I'd go for a swim

MidlifeMark
07-31-2011, 03:34 AM
It's hot, and the sky is clear blue
I'm bored and I've nothing to do
I'd go for a swim
Or hang out at the gym

flyingtart
07-31-2011, 11:23 AM
It's hot, and the sky is clear blue
I'm bored and I've nothing to do
I'd go for a swim
Or hang out at the gym
But I think I am getting the flu


I woke in the night many times

MidlifeMark
07-31-2011, 04:52 PM
I woke in the night many times
From bad dreams of egregious rhymes

Nymtoc
07-31-2011, 08:57 PM
I woke in the night many times
From bad dreams of egregious rhymes
My muse has gone south

MidlifeMark
07-31-2011, 11:38 PM
I woke in the night many times
From bad dreams of egregious rhymes
My muse has gone south
I should wash out my mouth

Matera the Mad
08-01-2011, 06:17 AM
I woke in the night many times
From bad dreams of egregious rhymes
My muse has gone south
I should wash out my mouth
With a tea made of soapwort and limes.

From bad writing may we all be spared

archerjoe
08-01-2011, 06:23 AM
From bad writing may we all be spared May our editors never be scared

Matera the Mad
08-01-2011, 06:25 AM
From bad writing may we all be spared
May our editors never be scared
To tell us the horrible facts

Nymtoc
08-01-2011, 06:38 AM
From bad writing may we all be spared
May our editors never be scared
To tell us the facts
That we stink to the max

flyingtart
08-01-2011, 01:55 PM
From bad writing may we all be spared
May our editors never be scared
To tell us the facts
That we stink to the max
And our lack of skill can't be compared


But no, that is far too depressing

Nymtoc
08-01-2011, 06:04 PM
But no, that is far too depressing
It's talent that we should be stressing

flyingtart
08-01-2011, 06:24 PM
But no, that is far too depressing
It's talent that we should be stressing
For glory we strive

Lavern08
08-01-2011, 09:26 PM
But no, that is far too depressing
It's talent that we should be stressing
For glory we strive
Keep limericks alive

Nymtoc
08-02-2011, 02:10 AM
But no, that is far too depressing
It's talent that we should be stressing
For glory we strive
Keep limericks alive
Our verse will be seen as a blessing.

The owl in my oak tree goes "Hoooo!"

MidlifeMark
08-02-2011, 06:09 AM
The owl in my oak tree goes "Hoooo!"
The bird in my clock goes "Cuckoo!"

flyingtart
08-02-2011, 09:54 AM
The owl in my oak tree goes "Hoooo!"
The bird in my clock goes "Cuckoo!"
But my mangy canary

Nymtoc
08-02-2011, 10:42 AM
The owl in my oak tree goes "Hoooo!"
The bird in my clock goes "Cuckoo!"
But my mangy canary
Just goes "Cheery cherry!"