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Sir_Nigel
06-10-2011, 03:01 PM
Mr. Brown fell in love with Ms. Green
On this, his wife wasn't keen
So she sent him a letter
Warning him to forget her
‘cos you really don’t know where she’s been.


In a market in old Istanbul

flyingtart
06-10-2011, 03:24 PM
In a market in old Istanbul
There's a wizened and half-witted fool

GailD
06-10-2011, 04:20 PM
In a market in old Istanbul
There's a wizened and half-witted fool
Who for a few Turkish lira

Sir_Nigel
06-10-2011, 05:31 PM
In a market in old Istanbul
There's a wizened and half-witted fool
Who, for a few Turkish lira
and a quart of Madeira

Pthom
06-10-2011, 10:03 PM
Mr. Brown fell in love with Ms. Green
On this, his wife wasn't keen
So she sent him a letter
Warning him to forget her
Or the consequence could be obscene!

Envision a left-handed hammer.

Nymtoc
06-10-2011, 11:17 PM
Envision a left-handed hammer
Gripped by a man with a stammer

archerjoe
06-10-2011, 11:25 PM
Envision a left-handed hammer
Gripped by a man with a stammer
A black-and-blue thumb

flyingtart
06-10-2011, 11:36 PM
This one got missed:

In a market in old Istanbul
There's a wizened and half-witted fool
Who, for a few Turkish lira
and a quart of Madeira
Would make any nun lose her cool.


Envision a left-handed hammer
Gripped by a man with a stammer
A black-and-blue thumb
And a mouth full of gum

talkwrite
06-11-2011, 01:26 AM
Envision a left-handed hammer
Gripped by a man with a stammer
A black-and-blue thumb
And a mouth full of gum
Guilty! He was sent to the slammer.

The young princess fancied a new hat

Nymtoc
06-11-2011, 01:47 AM
The young princess sought a new hat [adjusted for meter]
Along with a new cricket bat

Pthom
06-11-2011, 02:33 AM
Orphaned Limerick (due to my being on the wrong page--sorry):

In a market in old Istanbul
There's a wizened and half-witted fool
Who, for a few lira [adjusted for meter]
and a quart of Madeira
Would stand on his head on a stool.


Current Limerick:

The young princess sought a new hat
Along with a new cricket bat
With no sense of fashion

GailD
06-11-2011, 02:43 AM
The young princess sought a new hat
Along with a new cricket bat
With no sense of fashion
But bowling with passion

Matera the Mad
06-11-2011, 05:10 AM
The young princess sought a new hat
Along with a new cricket bat
With no sense of fashion
But bowling with passion
She knocked the opposing team flat

In matters of clothing, my taste

flyingtart
06-11-2011, 12:04 PM
In matters of clothing, my taste
Favours garments that pinch at the waist

GailD
06-11-2011, 05:39 PM
In matters of clothing, my taste
Favours garments that pinch at the waist
For a cleavage must show

MidlifeMark
06-11-2011, 07:27 PM
In matters of clothing, my taste
Favours garments that pinch at the waist
For a cleavage must show
From above and below

Albedo of Zero
06-11-2011, 11:43 PM
In matters of clothing, my taste
Favours garments that pinch at the waist
For a cleavage must show
From above and below
or between if I button in haste.


There once was a dog that wore clothes

MidlifeMark
06-12-2011, 12:24 AM
There once was a dog that wore clothes
With spectacles perched on his nose

Nymtoc
06-12-2011, 04:40 AM
There once was a dog that wore clothes
With spectacles perched on his nose
He lectured at Yale

kellysaid
06-12-2011, 05:18 AM
There once was a dog that wore clothes
With spectacles perched on his nose
He lectured at Yale
and sniffed lots of tail

MidlifeMark
06-12-2011, 07:06 AM
There once was a dog that wore clothes
With spectacles perched on his nose
He lectured at Yale
and sniffed lots of tail
and drank quite a bit, I suppose.

One night he went out on the town

flyingtart
06-12-2011, 12:13 PM
One night he went out on the town
In a much-loved blue velveteen gown

MidlifeMark
06-12-2011, 03:32 PM
One night he went out on the town
In a much-loved blue velveteen gown
But after nine beers

archerjoe
06-12-2011, 06:57 PM
One night he went out on the town
In a much-loved blue velveteen gown
But after nine beers
He shed a few tears

Nymtoc
06-12-2011, 07:04 PM
One night he went out on the town
In a much-loved blue velveteen gown
But after nine beers
He shed a few tears
Yale sacked him, and now he's a clown.

She wandered six weeks and a day

flyingtart
06-12-2011, 07:21 PM
She wandered six weeks and a day
Before landing right here in LA

archerjoe
06-12-2011, 07:34 PM
She wandered six weeks and a day
Before landing right here in LA
But on Venice Beach

Nymtoc
06-12-2011, 07:43 PM
She wandered six weeks and a day
Before landing right here in LA
But on Venice Beach
She started to preach

flyingtart
06-12-2011, 11:43 PM
She wandered six weeks and a day
Before landing right here in LA
But on Venice Beach
She started to preach
Till everyone ran clean away


Don't ever put eels in your john

GailD
06-13-2011, 02:24 AM
Don't ever put eels in your john
For one flush will not see them gone

MidlifeMark
06-13-2011, 02:54 AM
She wandered six weeks and a day
On the shores of the Bay of Biscay

archerjoe
06-13-2011, 04:21 AM
Mark, you must be having refresh issues with your browser

Don't ever put eels in your john
For one flush will not see them gone
It just makes them mad

Pthom
06-13-2011, 09:02 AM
Don't ever put eels in your john
For one flush will not see them gone
It just makes them mad
And they'll grab at your 'nad.

flyingtart
06-13-2011, 11:51 AM
Don't ever put eels in your john
For one flush will not see them gone
It just makes them mad
And they'll grab at your 'nad
Changing your name to Dawn


When Edwin proposed to Bernice

Sir_Nigel
06-13-2011, 01:24 PM
When Edwin proposed to Bernice
he gave her a goat and two geese

Nymtoc
06-13-2011, 07:06 PM
When Edwin proposed to Bernice
he gave her a goat and two geese
As well as a broom

archerjoe
06-13-2011, 08:08 PM
When Edwin proposed to Bernice
he gave her a goat and two geese
As well as a broom
An omen of doom

Nymtoc
06-13-2011, 11:23 PM
When Edwin proposed to Bernice
he gave her a goat and two geese
As well as a broom
An omen of doom
No wonder she called the police.

I think I shall journey to Mars

flyingtart
06-14-2011, 12:02 AM
I think I shall journey to Mars
Where there aren't any loud smelly cars

GailD
06-14-2011, 12:55 PM
I think I shall journey to Mars
Where there aren't any loud smelly cars
Where little green yokels

Sir_Nigel
06-14-2011, 01:43 PM
I think I shall journey to Mars
Where there aren't any loud smelly cars
Where little green yokels
and two-headed locals

flyingtart
06-14-2011, 02:10 PM
I think I shall journey to Mars
Where there aren't any loud smelly cars
Where little green yokels
and two-headed locals
Hang around drinking in bars


Has anyone here got a light?

Sir_Nigel
06-14-2011, 02:37 PM
Has anyone here got a light?
said a munchkin of limited height

Lavern08
06-14-2011, 07:03 PM
Has anyone here got a light?
said a munchkin of limited height
I shouldn't be smokin'

talkwrite
06-14-2011, 11:52 PM
Has anyone here got a light?
said a munchkin of limited height
I shouldn't be smokin'
Or otherwise toking

Pthom
06-15-2011, 06:16 AM
“Has anyone here got a light?”
Said a munchkin of limited height.
“I shouldn't be smokin'
Or otherwise tokin'
But it's better than sleeping all night.”

A rubber band stretched to its limit

Nymtoc
06-15-2011, 06:24 AM
A rubber band stretched to its limit
Could snap, hit a mustache and trim it

Sir_Nigel
06-15-2011, 11:13 AM
A rubber band stretched to its limit
Could snap, hit a mustache and trim it
Your moustache will be littler

flyingtart
06-15-2011, 12:27 PM
A rubber band stretched to its limit
Could snap, hit a mustache and trim it
Your moustache will be littler
Just like Adolf Hitler

Sir_Nigel
06-15-2011, 01:06 PM
A rubber band stretched to its limit
Could snap, hit a mustache and trim it
Your moustache will be littler
Just like Adolf Hitler
- that short, Nazi, Austrian dimwit.



Oh no! they exclaimed with a groan

GailD
06-15-2011, 01:14 PM
Oh no! they exclaimed with a groan
It's that woman from Arc, named Joan

flyingtart
06-15-2011, 11:41 PM
Oh no! they exclaimed with a groan
It's that woman from Arc, named Joan
She's a lot at stake

Nymtoc
06-15-2011, 11:56 PM
Oh no! they exclaimed with a groan
It's that woman from Arc, named Joan
She's a lot at stake
But can she bake a cake?

talkwrite
06-16-2011, 03:29 AM
Oh no! they exclaimed with a groan
It's that woman from Arc, named Joan
She's a lot at stake
But can she bake a cake?
Kindly hand her an ice cream cone.

The lonely Beagle ventured out

Nymtoc
06-16-2011, 03:52 AM
The beagle, alone, ventured out [altered for meter]

MidlifeMark
06-16-2011, 05:34 AM
The beagle, alone, ventured out
and flexed his inquisitive snout.

flyingtart
06-16-2011, 01:09 PM
The beagle, alone, ventured out
and flexed his inquisitive snout.
"Is that roasted quail?"

GailD
06-16-2011, 02:19 PM
The beagle, alone, ventured out
and flexed his inquisitive snout.
"Is that roasted quail?
Or today's Daily Mail?"

Sir_Nigel
06-16-2011, 03:29 PM
The beagle, alone, ventured out
and flexed his inquisitive snout.
"Is that roasted quail?
Or today's Daily Mail?"
He was senile and riddled with gout.


The alien spacecraft descended

Nymtoc
06-16-2011, 03:35 PM
The alien spacecraft descended
The farmer hoped he'd be befriended

flyingtart
06-16-2011, 03:52 PM
The alien spacecraft descended
The farmer hoped he'd be befriended
But to his chagrin

GailD
06-16-2011, 04:04 PM
The alien spacecraft descended
The farmer hoped he'd be befriended
But to his chagrin
He was found full of sin

archerjoe
06-16-2011, 05:20 PM
The alien spacecraft descended
The farmer hoped he'd be befriended
But to his chagrin
He was found full of sin
His life here on earth has now ended

Some Congressmen should use discretion

flyingtart
06-16-2011, 05:28 PM
Some Congressmen should use discretion
Especially when court is in session

Lavern08
06-16-2011, 07:29 PM
Some Congressmen should use discretion
Especially when court is in session
Don't show us your weiner

Matera the Mad
06-16-2011, 08:12 PM
Some Congressmen should use discretion
Especially when court is in session
Don't show us your weiner
(Espesh to a teener!)

Nymtoc
06-16-2011, 08:19 PM
Some Congressmen should use discretion
Especially when court is in session
Don't show us your weiner
(Espesh to a teener!)
Now go find another profession.

The dinosaurs died long ago

Matera the Mad
06-16-2011, 08:25 PM
The dinosaurs died long ago
As far as the scientists know

flyingtart
06-16-2011, 08:27 PM
The dinosaurs died long ago
As far as the scientists know
But some are still thriving

Lavern08
06-16-2011, 09:33 PM
The dinosaurs died long ago
As far as the scientists know
But some are still thriving
I saw Barney driving

Matera the Mad
06-16-2011, 11:39 PM
The dinosaurs died long ago
As far as the scientists know
But some are still thriving
I saw Barney driving
A purple Miata -- not slow!

Whatever you think about Facebook,

GailD
06-17-2011, 02:22 AM
"Whatever you think about Facebook,"
Said Scilla, the arsenic and mace cook.

Pthom
06-17-2011, 03:24 AM
"Whatever you think about Facebook,"
Said Scilla, the arsenic and mace cook.
"With all of these spices,

MidlifeMark
06-17-2011, 06:29 AM
"Whatever you think about Facebook,"
Said Scilla, the arsenic and mace cook.
"With all of these spices,
my cooking entices

Sir_Nigel
06-17-2011, 12:23 PM
"Whatever you think about Facebook,"
Said Scilla, the arsenic and mace cook.
"With all of these spices,
my cooking entices
and friends disappear without trace – look.



He was faced with a loaded Beretta

flyingtart
06-17-2011, 12:47 PM
He was faced with a loaded Beretta
But really, he should have known better

Sir_Nigel
06-17-2011, 01:18 PM
He was faced with a loaded Beretta
But really, he should have known better
His arch rival Krystimov

GailD
06-17-2011, 01:31 PM
He was faced with a loaded Beretta
But really, he should have known better
His arch rival Krystimov
Who had so pissed him off

flyingtart
06-17-2011, 02:07 PM
He was faced with a loaded Beretta
But really, he should have known better
His arch rival Krystimov
Who had so pissed him off
By donning a tickler French letter


Now everyone knows it's a sin

Sir_Nigel
06-17-2011, 03:01 PM
Now everyone knows it's a sin
to chuck neighbour’s cats in the bin

Lavern08
06-17-2011, 08:36 PM
Now everyone knows it's a sin
to chuck neighbour’s cats in the bin
But I just went crazy

Pthom
06-17-2011, 10:20 PM
He was faced with a loaded Beretta
The guy plainly had a vendetta


Well geez. Wrong damn page again. Apparently, F5 doesn't work and the little refresh dealie-bob on Firefox doesn't work, either. Or I just take too long to come up with something witty.

Sorry, folks.

MidlifeMark
06-17-2011, 10:30 PM
Now everyone knows it's a sin
to chuck neighbour’s cats in the bin
But I just went crazy
My memory is hazy

Nymtoc
06-17-2011, 11:36 PM
Now everyone knows it's a sin
to chuck neighbour’s cats in the bin
But I just went crazy
My memory is hazy
Don't ask me to wipe off this grin.

They say global warming's a hoax

Albedo of Zero
06-17-2011, 11:59 PM
They say global warming's a hoax
and according to some Amish folks

GailD
06-18-2011, 02:47 AM
They say global warming's a hoax
and according to some Amish folks
it's the gasoline age

Nymtoc
06-18-2011, 03:28 AM
They say global warming's a hoax
and according to some Amish folks
it's the gasoline age
Now petrol's the rage

Matera the Mad
06-18-2011, 07:11 AM
They say global warming's a hoax
and according to some Amish folks
it's the gasoline age
Now petrol's the rage
And we'll rip it from Earth 'til she croaks

When the wolf had a craving for mutton

Nymtoc
06-18-2011, 08:31 AM
When the wolf had a craving for mutton
He lurked where the sheep would be struttin'

flyingtart
06-18-2011, 12:10 PM
When the wolf had a craving for mutton
He lurked where the sheep would be struttin'
Then out he would leap

GailD
06-18-2011, 03:41 PM
When the wolf had a craving for mutton
He lurked where the sheep would be struttin'
Then out he would leap
And lunge at Bo-Peep

MidlifeMark
06-18-2011, 04:21 PM
When the wolf had a craving for mutton
He lurked where the sheep would be struttin'
Then out he would leap
And lunge at Bo-Peep
And eat nuttin' but mutton, the glutton!

The Stanley Cup's heading to Boston

Nymtoc
06-18-2011, 04:57 PM
The Stanley Cup's heading to Boston
For Vancouver, Stanley's a lost 'un

flyingtart
06-18-2011, 08:01 PM
The Stanley Cup's heading to Boston
For Vancouver, Stanley's a lost 'un
But do not despair

Albedo of Zero
06-18-2011, 08:31 PM
The Stanley Cup's heading to Boston
For Vancouver, Stanley's a lost 'un
But do not despair
(let's try to play fair)

Nymtoc
06-18-2011, 08:56 PM
The Stanley Cup's heading to Boston
For Vancouver, Stanley's a lost 'un
But do not despair
(let's try to play fair)
We'll eat cake with black, white and gold frostin'.

After all, it was only a game

Matera the Mad
06-19-2011, 02:29 AM
After all, it was only a game
Panacea for intellects lame

Albedo of Zero
06-19-2011, 04:27 AM
After all, it was only a game
Panacea for intellects lame
who'd of thought that a puck

Nymtoc
06-19-2011, 09:12 AM
After all, it was only a game
Panacea for intellects lame
who'd of thought that a puck
Could screw up your luck

flyingtart
06-19-2011, 03:35 PM
After all, it was only a game
Panacea for intellects lame
who'd've thought that a puck
Could screw up your luck
And make you hang your head in shame


I'm dressed up with nowhere to go

Nymtoc
06-19-2011, 03:55 PM
I'm dressed up with nowhere to go
My date for tonight didn't show

MidlifeMark
06-19-2011, 04:56 PM
I'm dressed up with nowhere to go
The sonofabitch didn't show

Matera the Mad
06-20-2011, 01:36 AM
I'm dressed up with nowhere to go
The sonofabitch didn't show
He said he'd be here

flyingtart
06-20-2011, 01:47 AM
I'm dressed up with nowhere to go
The sonofabitch didn't show
He said he'd be here
With a huge crate of beer

Matera the Mad
06-20-2011, 07:11 AM
I'm dressed up with nowhere to go
The sonofabitch didn't show
He said he'd be here
With a huge crate of beer
Is he drunk now, or is his watch slow?

I planned a big party for Monday

Nymtoc
06-20-2011, 08:03 AM
I planned a big party for Monday
But everyone showed up on Sunday

flyingtart
06-20-2011, 11:43 AM
I planned a big party for Monday
But everyone showed up on Sunday
To make matters worse

GailD
06-20-2011, 02:25 PM
I planned a big party for Monday
But everyone showed up on Sunday
To make matters worse
I am completely averse

Nymtoc
06-20-2011, 04:36 PM
I planned a big party for Monday
But everyone showed up on Sunday
To make matters worse
I am completely averse
To making the Sabbath a fun day.

For some reason, I just got fired

flyingtart
06-20-2011, 06:13 PM
For some reason, I just got fired
In truth I should not have been hired

Nymtoc
06-20-2011, 07:10 PM
For some reason, I just got fired
In truth I should not have been hired
I've no skills at all

Lavern08
06-20-2011, 07:39 PM
For some reason, I just got fired
In truth I should not have been hired
I've no skills at all
My clients don't call

iLion
06-20-2011, 08:17 PM
For some reason, I just got fired
In truth I should not have been hired
I've no skills at all
My clients don't call
And the bosses kids I have sired.

I guess I'll go start my own biz

Nymtoc
06-20-2011, 08:24 PM
I guess I'll go start my own biz
With a cow that gives milk with a fizz

iLion
06-20-2011, 08:33 PM
I guess I'll go start my own biz
With a cow that gives milk with a fizz
She'll drink lots of Sprite

flyingtart
06-20-2011, 09:34 PM
I guess I'll go start my own biz
With a cow that gives milk with a fizz
She'll drink lots of Sprite
Which doesn't sound right

Pthom
06-21-2011, 03:34 AM
I guess I'll go start my own biz
With a cow that gives milk with a fizz
She'll drink lots of Sprite
Which doesn't sound right
7-up is way better, gee whiz!

Am I on the right page, this time?

Nymtoc
06-21-2011, 07:10 AM
Am I on the right page, this time,
Or sinking still deeper in crime?

Matera the Mad
06-21-2011, 07:35 AM
Am I on the right page, this time,
Or sinking still deeper in crime?
Please show me the way

Sir_Nigel
06-21-2011, 11:53 AM
Am I on the right page, this time,
Or sinking still deeper in crime?
Please show me the way
Or I’ll prod you all day

GailD
06-21-2011, 01:24 PM
Am I on the right page, this time,
Or sinking still deeper in crime?
Please show me the way
Or I’ll prod you all day
You know I'm not here on your dime.



"Oh my," said the girl in the hat.

flyingtart
06-21-2011, 02:13 PM
"Oh my," said the girl in the hat.
"I'd never have expected that!"

iLion
06-21-2011, 08:23 PM
"Oh my," said the girl in the hat.
"I'd never have expected that!"
My bloomers fell down

Nymtoc
06-21-2011, 08:58 PM
"Oh my," said the girl in the hat.
"I'd never have expected that!"
My bloomers fell down
I look like a clown

flyingtart
06-21-2011, 09:41 PM
"Oh my," said the girl in the hat.
"I'd never have expected that!
My bloomers fell down,
I look like a clown,
And now I just look like a prat!"


When Fortesque Merrick turned thirty

Nymtoc
06-21-2011, 10:20 PM
When Fortesque Merrick turned thirty
He realized that girls could be flirty

Pthom
06-21-2011, 10:27 PM
When Fortesque Merrick turned thirty
He realized that girls could be flirty
With all of that make-up

flyingtart
06-21-2011, 10:50 PM
When Fortesque Merrick turned thirty
He realized that girls could be flirty
With all of that make-up
They needed a shake-up

Nymtoc
06-22-2011, 04:10 AM
When Fortesque Merrick turned thirty
He realized that girls could be flirty
With all of that make-up
They needed a shake-up
And so he began talking dirty.

A rattlesnake bit me. Oh, my!

Albedo of Zero
06-22-2011, 06:09 AM
A rattlesnake bit me. Oh, my!
In the middle of my 'you know', but why?

Sir_Nigel
06-22-2011, 11:18 AM
A rattlesnake bit me. Oh, my!
In the middle of my 'you know', but why?
But at least my hmm hmm

GailD
06-22-2011, 01:48 PM
A rattlesnake bit me. Oh, my!
In the middle of my 'you know', but why?
But at least my hmm hmm
Can be tourniqueted, uh hum

Sir_Nigel
06-22-2011, 01:59 PM
A rattlesnake bit me. Oh, my!
In the middle of my 'you know', but why?
But at least my hmm hmm
Can be tourniqueted, uh hum
So take a firm hold - don’t be shy.


I have a confession he told her

flyingtart
06-22-2011, 02:58 PM
I have a confession he told her
And in his arms did then enfold her

Matera the Mad
06-22-2011, 04:01 PM
I have a confession he told her
And in his arms did then enfold her
His sweet whispered words

Nymtoc
06-22-2011, 08:00 PM
I have a confession he told her
And in his arms did then enfold her
His sweet whispered words
Were like chirpings of birds

flyingtart
06-22-2011, 08:20 PM
I have a confession he told her
And in his arms did then enfold her
His sweet whispered words
Were like chirpings of birds
Until they were squashed by a boulder :evil


I'll tell you the tale of old Sal

iLion
06-22-2011, 08:25 PM
I'll tell you the tale of old Sal
A famously top heavy gal

MidlifeMark
06-23-2011, 04:13 AM
I'll tell you the tale of old Sal
A famously top heavy gal
You can search all the cities

Pthom
06-23-2011, 10:51 AM
I'll tell you the tale of old Sal
A famously top heavy gal
You can search all the cities
And cite all the "witties"

Albedo of Zero
06-23-2011, 11:01 AM
I'll tell you the tale of old Sal
A famously top heavy gal
You can search all the cities
And cite all the "witties"
Who promise she's good for morale



When one of her boobs went pah-sssst

flyingtart
06-23-2011, 11:46 AM
When one of her boobs went pah-sssst
She ran to the doctor and fast

Sir_Nigel
06-23-2011, 12:00 PM
When one of her boobs went pah-sssst
She ran to the doctor and fast
With his bike repair kit

GailD
06-23-2011, 12:47 PM
When one of her boobs went pah-sssst
She ran to the doctor and fast
With his bike repair kit
He pumped up her tit

Sir_Nigel
06-23-2011, 12:52 PM
When one of her boobs went pah-sssst
She ran to the doctor and fast
With his bike repair kit
He pumped up her tit
And was only too glad to assisssst



But now they seemed rather askew

flyingtart
06-23-2011, 02:51 PM
(These are great, guys. This thread is a real tonic!)

But now they seemed rather askew
Doc wondered what else he could do

GailD
06-23-2011, 03:48 PM
But now they seemed rather askew
Doc wondered what else he could do
So, with one in each hand

Sir_Nigel
06-23-2011, 04:12 PM
But now they seemed rather askew
Doc wondered what else he could do
So, with one in each hand
(THIS NEXT SCENE IS BANNED)

Lavern08
06-23-2011, 06:29 PM
But now they seemed rather askew
Doc wondered what else he could do
So, with one in each hand
(THIS NEXT SCENE IS BANNED)
He chisled and made them anew.

The surgery was a great feat

GailD
06-23-2011, 08:18 PM
The surgery was a great feat
Because a bosom should really look neat

flyingtart
06-23-2011, 08:26 PM
The surgery was a great feat
Because a bosom should really look neat
But it went to his head

Matera the Mad
06-24-2011, 06:07 AM
The surgery was a great feat
Because a bosom should really look neat
But it went to his head
To reporters he said

Pthom
06-24-2011, 08:56 AM
The surgery was a great feat
Because a bosom should really look neat.
But it went to his head;
To reporters he said
"For an encore, I'll rebuild her seat."

The medical press had a fit

Sir_Nigel
06-24-2011, 11:20 AM
The medical press had a fit
as he prodded and squeezed it a bit

flyingtart
06-24-2011, 01:15 PM
The medical press had a fit
as he prodded and squeezed it a bit
Then started to cut

MidlifeMark
06-24-2011, 02:15 PM
The medical press had a fit
as he prodded and squeezed it a bit
Then started to cut
And sculpted her butt

Sir_Nigel
06-24-2011, 02:29 PM
The medical press had a fit
as he prodded and squeezed it a bit
Then started to cut
And sculpted her butt
Then he stuck in a tulip – the wit.

She studied her brand new reflection

MidlifeMark
06-24-2011, 04:24 PM
She studied her brand new reflection
And hoped it would cause an erection

Lavern08
06-24-2011, 06:59 PM
She studied her brand new reflection
And hoped it would cause an erection
This rhyme is obscene

flyingtart
06-24-2011, 07:27 PM
She studied her brand new reflection
And hoped it would cause an erection
This rhyme is obscene
Please let's keep it clean

Nymtoc
06-24-2011, 07:35 PM
She studied her brand new reflection
And hoped it would cause an erection
This rhyme is obscene
Please let's keep it clean
Or we'll be in the House of Correction.

Bold Robin Hood stole from the rich

Lavern08
06-24-2011, 07:38 PM
Bold Robin Hood stole from the rich
And hid all the loot in a ditch

flyingtart
06-24-2011, 09:33 PM
Bold Robin Hood stole from the rich
And hid all the loot in a ditch
But old Friar Tuck

MidlifeMark
06-24-2011, 10:38 PM
Bold Robin Hood stole from the rich
And hid all the loot in a ditch
But old Friar Tuck
The dotty old duck

flyingtart
06-24-2011, 11:03 PM
Bold Robin Hood stole from the rich
And hid all the loot in a ditch
But old Friar Tuck
The dotty old duck
Stomped off in a huff, what a bitch!


The Sheriff of Nottingham said

Lavern08
06-24-2011, 11:04 PM
The Sheriff of Nottingham said
I want that dang Robin Hood dead

Cath
06-25-2011, 01:16 AM
The Sheriff of Nottingham said
I want that dang Robin Hood dead
I don't care how you do it

talkwrite
06-25-2011, 01:53 AM
The Sheriff of Nottingham said
I want that dang Robin Hood dead
I don't care how you do it
Just hurry and get to it

oneblindmouse
06-25-2011, 02:08 AM
The Sheriff of Nottingham said
I want that dang Robin Hood dead
I don't care how you do it
Just hurry and get to it
My order is "Off with his head!"

Maid Marion heard of the plot

Nymtoc
06-25-2011, 02:47 AM
Maid Marion heard of the plot
In her eyes, bold Robin was hot

archerjoe
06-25-2011, 03:34 AM
Maid Marion heard of the plot
In her eyes, bold Robin was hot
Those dashing green tights

Nymtoc
06-25-2011, 03:43 AM
Maid Marion heard of the plot
In her eyes, bold Robin was hot
Those dashing green tights
And daring sword fights

MidlifeMark
06-25-2011, 07:05 AM
Maid Marion heard of the plot
In her eyes, bold Robin was hot
Those dashing green tights
And daring sword fights
Made Marion quiver a lot.

While Robin made Marion squirm,

Nymtoc
06-25-2011, 07:45 AM
While Robin made Marion squirm,
The Sheriff's foul plans grew more firm

Albedo of Zero
06-25-2011, 07:50 AM
While Robin made Marion squirm,
The Sheriff's foul plans grew more firm
The penalties? Stiff

flyingtart
06-25-2011, 02:21 PM
While Robin made Marion squirm,
The Sheriff's foul plans grew more firm
The penalties? Stiff
He wondered, what if

GailD
06-25-2011, 02:55 PM
While Robin made Marion squirm,
The Sheriff's foul plans grew more firm
The penalties? Stiff
He wondered, what if
He could capture them both with one worm.


So while Little John played all alone

Nymtoc
06-25-2011, 03:06 PM
So while Little John played all alone
Another John yearned for the throne

flyingtart
06-25-2011, 03:43 PM
So while Little John played all alone
Another John yearned for the throne
His big brother Dick

MidlifeMark
06-25-2011, 05:03 PM
So while Little John played all alone
Another John yearned for the throne
His big brother Dick
Returned in the nick

Nymtoc
06-25-2011, 07:00 PM
So while Little John played all alone
Another John yearned for the throne
His big brother Dick
Returned in the nick
And Johnny was chilled to the bone.

Then Robin and Marion wed

flyingtart
06-25-2011, 09:44 PM
Then Robin and Marion wed
Will Scarlet was seen to turn red

GailD
06-26-2011, 01:13 PM
Then Robin and Marion wed
Will Scarlet was seen to turn red
The knot, tied by Tuck

Nymtoc
06-27-2011, 01:08 AM
Then Robin and Marion wed
Will Scarlet was seen to turn red
The knot, tied by Tuck
Would bring them good luck

flyingtart
06-27-2011, 01:42 AM
Then Robin and Marion wed
Will Scarlet was seen to turn red
The knot, tied by Tuck
Would bring them good luck
But it put them off going to bed.


His arrow was heartily aimed

GailD
06-27-2011, 03:32 PM
His arrow was heartily aimed
At the apple so perfectly framed

flyingtart
06-27-2011, 04:29 PM
His arrow was heartily aimed
At the apple so perfectly framed
But just when it struck

Sir_Nigel
06-27-2011, 06:24 PM
His arrow was heartily aimed
At the apple so perfectly framed
But just when it struck
Some plonker cried Duck!

Nymtoc
06-27-2011, 07:59 PM
His arrow was heartily aimed
At the apple so perfectly framed
But just when it struck
Some plonker cried Duck!
And it hit the King. Will can't be blamed.

What William thought no one can tell

flyingtart
06-27-2011, 09:55 PM
What William thought no one can tell
For he ran like a bat out of hell

Pthom
06-28-2011, 02:40 AM
What William thought no one can tell
For he ran like a bat out of hell.
When he reached the river

Nymtoc
06-28-2011, 02:59 AM
What William thought no one can tell
For he ran like a bat out of hell.
When he reached the river
He threw in his quiver

MidlifeMark
06-28-2011, 05:49 AM
What William thought no one can tell
For he ran like a bat out of hell.
When he reached the river
He threw in his quiver
And quivered, and gagged at the smell.

Were I a Vancouver Canuck,

Sir_Nigel
06-28-2011, 12:48 PM
Were I a Vancouver Canuck
I would buy me a 16 wheel truck

flyingtart
06-28-2011, 01:53 PM
Were I a Vancouver Canuck
I would buy me a 16 wheel truck
I'd load it with geese

Sir_Nigel
06-28-2011, 02:42 PM
Were I a Vancouver Canuck
I would buy me a 16 wheel truck
I'd load it with geese
and drive it to Greece

flyingtart
06-28-2011, 02:51 PM
Were I a Vancouver Canuck
I would buy me a 16 wheel truck
I'd load it with geese
and drive it to Greece
Do you think that makes me a schmuck?


She loaded her loft to the rafters

GailD
06-28-2011, 03:55 PM
She loaded her loft to the rafters
With treasures for the 'here-ever-afters'

Sir_Nigel
06-28-2011, 04:29 PM
She loaded her loft to the rafters
With treasures for the 'here-ever-afters'
Then sadly she died

flyingtart
06-28-2011, 04:58 PM
She loaded her loft to the rafters
With treasures for the 'here-ever-afters'
Then sadly she died
But nobody cried

Sir_Nigel
06-28-2011, 05:19 PM
She loaded her loft to the rafters
With treasures for the 'here-ever-afters'
Then sadly she died
But nobody cried
At her wake they had jelly for afters.


She reclined on a lumpy chaise longue

GailD
06-28-2011, 05:45 PM
She reclined on a lumpy chaise longue
Wearing nought but a smile and a thong

Sir_Nigel
06-28-2011, 05:50 PM
She reclined on a lumpy chaise longue
Wearing nought but a smile and a thong
Plus her grandmother’s hat

flyingtart
06-28-2011, 06:50 PM
She reclined on a lumpy chaise longue
Wearing nought but a smile and a thong
Plus her grandmother’s hat
Which, on someone so fat

Pthom
06-28-2011, 11:49 PM
She reclined on a lumpy chaise longue
Wearing nought but a smile and a thong
Plus her grandmother’s hat
Which, on someone so fat
Most assuredly did not belong!

We strive for good spelling and grammar

Matera the Mad
06-29-2011, 12:37 AM
We strive for good spelling and grammar
We pick and we tweak and we hammer

Nymtoc
06-29-2011, 01:01 AM
We strive for good spelling and grammar
We pick and we tweak and we hammer
But sometimes, alas,

Matera the Mad
06-29-2011, 01:21 AM
We strive for good spelling and grammar
We pick and we tweak and we hammer
But sometimes, alas,
We run out of gas

talkwrite
06-29-2011, 03:45 AM
We strive for good spelling and grammar
We pick and we tweak and we hammer
But sometimes, alas,
We run out of gas
And are left with blithering blather.

One man's art is another man's pain

Cath
06-29-2011, 04:39 AM
One man's art is another man's pain
One man's pain is another man's gain

Matera the Mad
06-29-2011, 06:26 AM
One man's art is another man's pain
One man's pain is another man's gain
So the sauce for the goose

Pthom
06-29-2011, 10:53 AM
One man's art is another man's pain
One man's pain is another man's gain
So the sauce for the goose
(Said the gal on the loose)

flyingtart
06-29-2011, 11:35 AM
One man's art is another man's pain
One man's pain is another man's gain
So the sauce for the goose
(Said the gal on the loose)
For the gander is sometimes a bain


Lord Fosdyke was prone to expound

Sir_Nigel
06-29-2011, 12:08 PM
Lord Fosdyke was prone to expound
in a manner both deep and profound

GailD
06-29-2011, 01:57 PM
Lord Fosdyke was prone to expound
in a manner both deep and profound
His speech in the House

flyingtart
06-29-2011, 02:36 PM
Lord Fosdyke was prone to expound
in a manner both deep and profound
His speech in the House
On the stalking of grouse

Nymtoc
06-29-2011, 04:52 PM
Changed a couple of lines because of problems with meter:

Lord Fosdyke was prone to expound
in a manner both deep and profound
His speech in the House
On the stalking of grouse
Got him locked in his private compound.

There was a philosopher's wife

GailD
06-29-2011, 05:26 PM
There was a philosopher's wife
Who thought hard about married life

flyingtart
06-29-2011, 07:06 PM
There was a philosopher's wife
Who thought hard about married life
But the harder she thought

Nymtoc
06-29-2011, 09:03 PM
There was a philosopher's wife
Who thought hard about married life
But the harder she thought
She got more distraught

flyingtart
06-29-2011, 10:20 PM
There was a philosopher's wife
Who thought hard about married life
But the harder she thought
She got more distraught
So he cut off her head with a knife.


Philosophers don't often kill

Nymtoc
06-29-2011, 11:16 PM
Philosophers don't often kill
Except with a poisonous pill

Pthom
06-30-2011, 02:05 AM
Philosophers don't often kill
Except with a poisonous pill
Or they hire a man

GailD
06-30-2011, 02:57 AM
Philosophers don't often kill
Except with a poisonous pill
Or they hire a man
In an anonymous van

MidlifeMark
06-30-2011, 04:30 AM
Philosophers don't often kill
Except with a poisonous pill
Or they hire a man
In a nondescript van
With skill to kill, without ill will.

A felonious fellow named Harvey

Cath
06-30-2011, 05:34 AM
A felonious fellow named Harvey
Got his hands on a bucket of larvae

archerjoe
06-30-2011, 07:34 AM
A felonious fellow named Harvey
Got his hands on a bucket of larvae
His nefarious plan

Sir_Nigel
06-30-2011, 11:38 AM
A felonious fellow named Harvey
Got his hands on a bucket of larvae
His nefarious plan
was to fly to Iran

flyingtart
06-30-2011, 01:35 PM
A felonious fellow named Harvey
Got his hands on a bucket of larvae
His nefarious plan
was to fly to Iran
And pass them off as Dana Carvey


But as soon as he stepped off the plane

GailD
06-30-2011, 06:03 PM
But as soon as he stepped off the plane
All his plans went right down the drain

Lavern08
06-30-2011, 06:18 PM
But as soon as he stepped off the plane
All his plans went right down the drain
TSA took his bucket

flyingtart
06-30-2011, 06:22 PM
But as soon as he stepped off the plane
All his plans went right down the drain
TSA took his bucket
Thought he, "Just my luck, it

iLion
06-30-2011, 09:02 PM
But as soon as he stepped off the plane
All his plans went right down the drain
TSA took his bucket
Thought he, "Just my luck, it
Means I won't be meeting Khomein.

The officer put him in cuffs

Lavern08
06-30-2011, 11:41 PM
The officer put him in cuffs
He smoked and took several puffs

GailD
07-01-2011, 03:35 AM
The officer put him in cuffs
He smoked and took several puffs
But Iranian tobacco

MidlifeMark
07-01-2011, 04:10 AM
The officer put him in cuffs
He smoked and took several puffs
But Iranian tobacco
Turned him into a whacko

Nymtoc
07-01-2011, 05:52 AM
The officer put him in cuffs
He smoked and took several puffs
But Iranian tobacco
Turned him into a whacko
Who called all the officer's bluffs. [kinda weak--best I could do. :)]

Adrift on the ocean for days

flyingtart
07-01-2011, 11:14 AM
Adrift on the ocean for days
He resorted to cannibal ways

Sir_Nigel
07-01-2011, 11:46 AM
Adrift on the ocean for days
He resorted to cannibal ways
Whilst gnawing a thigh

flyingtart
07-01-2011, 12:49 PM
Adrift on the ocean for days
He resorted to cannibal ways
Whilst gnawing a thigh
He couldn't think why

Sir_Nigel
07-01-2011, 01:54 PM
Adrift on the ocean for days
He resorted to cannibal ways
Whilst gnawing a thigh
He couldn't think why
the others avoided his gaze


There were serious flaws in the plan

GailD
07-01-2011, 02:17 PM
There were serious flaws in the plan
To kidnap his poor little gran

flyingtart
07-01-2011, 02:53 PM
There were serious flaws in the plan
To kidnap his poor little gran
Her house, for a start

Nymtoc
07-01-2011, 03:49 PM
There were serious flaws in the plan
To kidnap his poor little gran
Her house, for a start
Had become a Walmart

Sir_Nigel
07-01-2011, 04:07 PM
There were serious flaws in the plan
To kidnap his poor little gran
Her house, for a start
Had become a Walmart
And his henchmen were Ollie and Stan



Hello breathed the sultry brunette

Nymtoc
07-01-2011, 04:16 PM
Hello breathed the sultry brunette
You're looking to party, I bet

flyingtart
07-01-2011, 04:44 PM
Hello breathed the sultry brunette
You're looking to party, I bet
But her tender embrace

GailD
07-01-2011, 04:50 PM
Hello breathed the sultry brunette
You're looking to party, I bet
But her tender embrace
Quite smothered his face

Sir_Nigel
07-01-2011, 06:09 PM
You're looking to party, I bet
But her tender embrace
Quite smothered his face
He was trapped in her amorous net.

For the lady was six feet seven

GailD
07-01-2011, 06:27 PM
For the lady was six feet seven
With hips from Durham to Devon