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HarryHoskins
05-16-2011, 04:31 PM
He took his vacation in Chile
And hoped to make use of his willy
But in the thin air

flyingtart
05-16-2011, 06:48 PM
He took his vacation in Chile
And hoped to make use of his willy
But in the thin air
He just couldn't dare

iLion
05-16-2011, 08:21 PM
He took his vacation in Chile
And hoped to make use of his willy
But in the thin air
He just couldn't dare
wag his willy 'cause then he'd look silly.

He looked for a beach that was nude

Underthelivingmoon
05-16-2011, 08:36 PM
He looked for a beach that was nude
and for ladies that weren't quite prude

iLion
05-16-2011, 08:45 PM
He looked for a beach that was nude
and for ladies that weren't quite prude
But having no luck

HarryHoskins
05-16-2011, 09:26 PM
He looked for a beach that was nude
and for ladies that weren't quite prude
But having no luck
He felt like a schmuck

iLion
05-16-2011, 09:31 PM
He looked for a beach that was nude
and for ladies that weren't quite prude.
But having no luck,
He felt like a schmuck,
Went home and got dressed like a dude.

My boss thinks I'm working, no doubt;

flyingtart
05-16-2011, 10:08 PM
My boss thinks I'm working, no doubt;
But I'll show him, silly old trout

GailD
05-17-2011, 02:15 AM
My boss thinks I'm working, no doubt;
But I'll show him, silly old trout
I'll shuffle these papers

HarryHoskins
05-17-2011, 02:20 AM
My boss thinks I'm working, no doubt;
But I'll show him, silly old trout
I'll shuffle these papers
And pull a few capers

Nymtoc
05-17-2011, 02:40 AM
My boss thinks I'm working, no doubt;
But I'll show him, silly old trout
I'll shuffle these papers
And pull a few capers
And thumb my nose under his snout.

Great writing is easy for me

HarryHoskins
05-17-2011, 02:44 AM
Great writing is easy for me
'Coz I'm called Nymtoc, can't you see;

Nymtoc
05-17-2011, 02:59 AM
Great writing is easy for me
'Coz I'm called Nymtoc, can't you see;
But agents don't seem

archerjoe
05-17-2011, 05:12 AM
Great writing is easy for me
'Coz I'm called Nymtoc, can't you see;
But agents don't seem
To have the same dream

MidlifeMark
05-17-2011, 07:01 AM
Great writing is easy for me
'Coz I'm called Nymtoc, can't you see;
But agents don't seem
To have the same dream
On my manuscripts, all of them pee.

In Pakistan they've got some nukes

flyingtart
05-17-2011, 01:03 PM
In Pakistan they've got some nukes
And a dodgy intent, by the looks

Sir_Nigel
05-17-2011, 01:32 PM
In Pakistan they've got some nukes
And a dodgy intent, by the looks
They’re not such a pally clan

HarryHoskins
05-17-2011, 05:33 PM
In Pakistan they've got some nukes
And a dodgy intent, by the looks
They’re not such a pally clan
When raising the wrath of Khan

GailD
05-17-2011, 06:55 PM
In Pakistan they've got some nukes
And a dodgy intent, by the looks
They’re not such a pally clan
When raising the wrath of Khan
Which could earn them international rebukes.

When dangling, watch your particles

HarryHoskins
05-17-2011, 07:57 PM
When dangling, watch your particles
Said Mary's deaf net articles

flyingtart
05-17-2011, 08:02 PM
When dangling, watch your particles
Said Mary's deaf net articles
But what she didn't know

HarryHoskins
05-18-2011, 01:09 AM
When dangling, watch your particles
Said Mary's definite articles
But what she didn't know
Made her own grammar blow

Nymtoc
05-18-2011, 02:54 AM
When dangling, watch your particles
Said Mary's definite articles
But what she didn't know
Made her own grammar blow
How this lim'rick is made up of pharticles.

Martine loved to pluck at a daisy

Pthom
05-18-2011, 03:59 AM
Martine loved to pluck at a daisy
Just why she did this is still hazy.

Matera the Mad
05-18-2011, 05:24 AM
Martine loved to pluck at a daisy
Just why she did this is still hazy
It wasn't for love

Sir_Nigel
05-18-2011, 11:49 AM
Martine loved to pluck at a daisy
Just why she did this is still hazy
It wasn't for love
but decreed from above

flyingtart
05-18-2011, 12:06 PM
Martine loved to pluck at a daisy
Just why she did this is still hazy
It wasn't for love
but decreed from above
By an angel who all thought quite crazy.


In the year nineteen seventy eight

Sir_Nigel
05-18-2011, 02:27 PM
In the year nineteen seventy eight
I was 17 stone overweight

flyingtart
05-18-2011, 02:36 PM
In the year nineteen seventy eight
I was 17 stone overweight
So I tried eating bran

Matera the Mad
05-18-2011, 04:34 PM
In the year nineteen seventy eight
I was 17 stone overweight
So I tried eating bran
Until my bowels ran

Nymtoc
05-18-2011, 08:04 PM
In the year nineteen seventy eight
I was 17 stone overweight
So I tried eating bran
Until my bowels ran
Which wasn't much fun on a date.

I'm thinking of growing a beard

iLion
05-18-2011, 08:17 PM
I'm thinking of growing a beard
On my ass if it doesn't look weird

flyingtart
05-18-2011, 10:50 PM
I'm thinking of growing a beard
On my ass if it doesn't look weird
It's sure to impress

HarryHoskins
05-18-2011, 11:54 PM
I'm thinking of growing a beard
On my ass if it doesn't look weird
It's sure to impress
My hirsute empress

GailD
05-19-2011, 01:29 AM
I'm thinking of growing a beard
On my ass if it doesn't look weird
It's sure to impress
My hirsute empress
But by her sheep I'd be mightily feared.

Said the cat as he playfully threw

HarryHoskins
05-19-2011, 01:33 AM
Said the cat as he playfully threw
a sentence that no dog could construe

Pthom
05-19-2011, 01:34 AM
I'm thinking of growing a beard
On my ass if it doesn't look weird
It's sure to impress
My hirsute empress.
I just hope we both don't get sheared!

The monkey had holes in his trousers

Well I'm slow! Sheesh.
I'll try again.

Said the cat as he playfully threw
A sentence no dog could construe. -- [edited for meter]
The dog, in his way

Nymtoc
05-19-2011, 05:27 AM
Said the cat as he playfully threw
A sentence no dog could construe,
The dog, in his way
Made pussycat pay

Pthom
05-19-2011, 09:50 AM
Said the cat as he playfully threw
A sentence no dog could construe,
The dog, in his way
Made pussycat pay
Till all of his nine lives were through.

(urgh)

Let's try again here...

The monkey had holes in his trousers

Sir_Nigel
05-19-2011, 11:20 AM
The monkey had holes in his trousers
- more breeze than decorum allows us

flyingtart
05-19-2011, 01:31 PM
The monkey had holes in his trousers
- more breeze than decorum allows us
But it gave him, he found

GailD
05-19-2011, 01:47 PM
The monkey had holes in his trousers
- more breeze than decorum allows us
But it gave him, he found
A significant sound

Sir_Nigel
05-19-2011, 02:25 PM
The monkey had holes in his trousers
- more breeze than decorum allows us
But it gave him, he found
A significant sound
He could tootle at girls in tight blouses


That’s nice. Do you have it in yellow?

flyingtart
05-19-2011, 03:23 PM
That’s nice. Do you have it in yellow?
For sludge grey is a little too mellow

Matera the Mad
05-19-2011, 06:01 PM
That’s nice. Do you have it in yellow?
For sludge grey is a little too mellow
With my sensible shoes

Sir_Nigel
05-19-2011, 06:08 PM
That’s nice. Do you have it in yellow?
For sludge grey is a little too mellow
With my sensible shoes
I need pinks and bright blues

Matera the Mad
05-19-2011, 06:12 PM
That’s nice. Do you have it in yellow?
For sludge grey is a little too mellow
With my sensible shoes
I need pinks and bright blues
I need colors that get up and bellow!

Once before, when the weather was sunny

Lavern08
05-19-2011, 06:23 PM
Once before, when the weather was sunny
I sat in the park with my Honey

HarryHoskins
05-19-2011, 07:01 PM
Once before, when the weather was sunny
I sat in the park with my Honey
Her hair was so fine

flyingtart
05-19-2011, 07:31 PM
Once before, when the weather was sunny
I sat in the park with my Honey
Her hair was so fine
It got stuck into mine

Pthom
05-19-2011, 09:16 PM
Once before, when the weather was sunny
I sat in the park with my Honey
Her hair was so fine
It got stuck into mine
The result was exceedingly funny.

Unlike this result, I'm afraid...

iLion
05-19-2011, 09:54 PM
Unlike this result, I'm afraid...
I have hair on my feet that i braid.

Matera the Mad
05-19-2011, 11:18 PM
Unlike this result, I'm afraid...
I have hair on my feet that I braid.
They say I'm part Hobbit

HarryHoskins
05-20-2011, 12:19 AM
Unlike this result, I'm afraid...
I have hair on my feet that I braid.
They say I'm part Hobbit
And part John Wayne Bobbit

Matera the Mad
05-20-2011, 06:48 AM
Unlike this result, I'm afraid...
I have hair on my feet that I braid.
They say I'm part Hobbit
And part John Wayne Bobbit
But it's really from not getting laid :(

Just think, all those Grandmas in small towns

flyingtart
05-20-2011, 12:07 PM
Just think, all those Grandmas in small towns
Are dressing in fuchsia nightgowns

GailD
05-20-2011, 02:47 PM
Just think, all those Grandmas in small towns
Are dressing in fuchsia nightgowns
So they'll be in the pink

flyingtart
05-20-2011, 03:32 PM
Just think, all those Grandmas in small towns
Are dressing in fuchsia nightgowns
So they'll be in the pink
As they puke in the sink

Sir_Nigel
05-20-2011, 03:56 PM
Just think, all those Grandmas in small towns
Are dressing in fuchsia nightgowns
So they'll be in the pink
As they puke in the sink
And stumble in doddery fall downs


She raised a few eyebrows that day

flyingtart
05-20-2011, 05:42 PM
She raised a few eyebrows that day
When she dressed in an eye catching way

GailD
05-20-2011, 07:41 PM
She raised a few eyebrows that day
When she dressed in an eye catching way
T'was the absence of skirt

Underthelivingmoon
05-20-2011, 07:49 PM
She raised a few eyebrows that day
When she dressed in an eye catching way
T'was the absence of skirt
that made my chest hurt

Pthom
05-20-2011, 10:59 PM
She raised a few eyebrows that day
When she dressed in an eye catching way
T'was the absence of skirt
that made my chest hurt.
Did she get those long-johns on ebay?

No one should wear stupid shoes

GailD
05-20-2011, 11:12 PM
No one should wear stupid shoes
When standing for hours in queues

iLion
05-21-2011, 12:10 AM
No one should wear stupid shoes
When standing for hours in queues
Unless there is shyte

HarryHoskins
05-21-2011, 04:47 AM
No one should wear stupid shoes
When standing for hours in queues
Unless there is shyte
At a foot-based height

Matera the Mad
05-21-2011, 07:32 AM
No one should wear stupid shoes
When standing for hours in queues
Unless there is shyte
At a foot-based height
In which case you have nothing to lose

Now, speaking of shyte, my good friend

flyingtart
05-21-2011, 01:09 PM
Now, speaking of shyte, my good friend
Kept tags on the fruits of his end

GailD
05-21-2011, 02:04 PM
Now, speaking of shyte, my good friend
Kept tags on the fruits of his end
He spent hours in the loo

Matera the Mad
05-21-2011, 04:54 PM
Now, speaking of shyte, my good friend
Kept tags on the fruits of his end
He spent hours in the loo
Keeping track of his poo

Nymtoc
05-21-2011, 05:05 PM
Now, speaking of shyte, my good friend
Kept tags on the fruits of his end
He spent hours in the loo
Keeping track of his poo
And the rate at which it would descend.

Returning to cheerier things

flyingtart
05-21-2011, 06:57 PM
Returning to cheerier things
My dachshund has just grown some wings

GailD
05-21-2011, 08:45 PM
Returning to cheerier things
My dachshund has just grown some wings
To my neigbour's delight

kellysaid
05-22-2011, 08:31 AM
Returning to cheerier things
My dachshund has just grown some wings
To my neighbour's delight
Oscar waddles to take flight

Nymtoc
05-22-2011, 08:51 AM
Returning to cheerier things
My dachshund has just grown some wings
To my neighbour's delight
Oscar waddles to flight [edited for meter]
And while flying, he brilliantly sings.

Who knows what may come in the morn?

Albedo of Zero
05-22-2011, 10:25 AM
Who knows what may come in the morn?
as betwixt two choices I'm torn

Pthom
05-22-2011, 12:00 PM
Who knows what may come in the morn?
As betwixt two choices I'm torn:
Should I stay in my bed,

flyingtart
05-22-2011, 01:40 PM
Who knows what may come in the morn?
As betwixt two choices I'm torn:
Should I stay in my bed,
Or paint the town red?

HarryHoskins
05-22-2011, 06:25 PM
Who knows what may come in the morn?
As betwixt two choices I'm torn:
Should I stay in my bed,
Or paint the town red?
I think I'll just play with my horn.

Outside it was blowing a gale

flyingtart
05-22-2011, 06:56 PM
Outside it was blowing a gale
The centipedes started to pale

Matera the Mad
05-23-2011, 03:23 AM
Outside it was blowing a gale
The centipedes started to pale
Thundering light

flyingtart
05-23-2011, 12:04 PM
Outside it was blowing a gale
The centipedes started to pale
Thundering light
Tore through the night

Sir_Nigel
05-23-2011, 01:30 PM
Outside it was blowing a gale
The centipedes started to pale
Thundering light
Tore through the night
Then - a knock on the door – it was Dale

‘Hullo’ he said stepping inside

flyingtart
05-23-2011, 02:06 PM
‘Hullo’ he said stepping inside
'You look like you've something to hide'

Sir_Nigel
05-23-2011, 02:36 PM
‘Hullo’ he said stepping inside
'You look like you've something to hide'
‘Me?’ I said, ’Nope’

Lavern08
05-23-2011, 06:52 PM
Hullo’ he said stepping inside
'"You look like you've something to hide"
‘Me?’ I said, ’Nope,
You must think I'm a dope."

flyingtart
05-23-2011, 08:19 PM
Hullo’ he said stepping inside
'"You look like you've something to hide"
‘Me?’ I said, ’Nope,
You must think I'm a dope.
Don't try to take me for a ride!'


Detectives were first at the scene

Lavern08
05-23-2011, 08:21 PM
Detectives were first at the scene
One barfed when he stepped on a spleen

iLion
05-23-2011, 08:56 PM
Detectives were first at the scene
One barfed when he stepped on a spleen
It squirted his eye

archerjoe
05-23-2011, 09:08 PM
Detectives were first at the scene
One barfed when he stepped on a spleen
It squirted his eye
And tasted like lye

Lavern08
05-23-2011, 09:18 PM
Detectives were first at the scene
One barfed when he stepped on a spleen
It squirted his eye
And tasted like lye
And looked like a huge lima bean

The victim was hacked with a dull knife

archerjoe
05-23-2011, 09:54 PM
The victim was hacked with a dull knife
The primary suspect: his dear wife

Lavern08
05-23-2011, 10:27 PM
The victim was hacked with a dull knife
The primary suspect: his dear wife
Her lies did not hide

HarryHoskins
05-24-2011, 02:10 AM
The victim was hacked with a dull knife
The primary suspect: his dear wife
Her lies did not hide
The guilt kept inside

kellysaid
05-24-2011, 06:02 AM
The victim was hacked with a dull knife
The primary suspect: his dear wife
Her lies did not hide
The guilt kept inside
So the jury convicted, gave her twenty to life.

I once rode a bike with no brakes

Albedo of Zero
05-24-2011, 08:34 AM
I once rode a bike with no brakes
on a rock road that gave me the shakes

Sir_Nigel
05-24-2011, 12:20 PM
I once rode a bike with no brakes
on a rock road that gave me the shakes
It rattled my bell

HarryHoskins
05-24-2011, 04:31 PM
I once rode a bike with no brakes
on a rock road that gave me the shakes
It rattled my bell
And bounced me to hell

Nymtoc
05-24-2011, 05:24 PM
I once rode a bike with no brakes
on a rock road that gave me the shakes
It rattled my bell
And bounced me to hell
And landed me in the Great Lakes.

My tiger cub's cute as can be

flyingtart
05-24-2011, 07:09 PM
My tiger cub's cute as can be
But once tore a strip off my knee

iLion
05-24-2011, 09:20 PM
My tiger cub's cute as can be
But once tore a strip off my knee
I cut off his claws

Lavern08
05-24-2011, 10:02 PM
My tiger cub's cute as can be
But once tore a strip off my knee
I cut off his claws
And clamped tight his jaws

Nymtoc
05-24-2011, 11:13 PM
My tiger cub's cute as can be
But once tore a strip off my knee
I cut off his claws
And clamped tight his jaws
Perhaps that's what caused him to flee.

McCarthy weighed 42 stone*




*Hi there, Brits!

HarryHoskins
05-24-2011, 11:18 PM
McCarthy weighed 42 stone
That's two-six-six kilos he'd groan

archerjoe
05-24-2011, 11:52 PM
McCarthy weighed 42 stone
That's two-six-six kilos he'd groan
"I can't see my knees"

kellysaid
05-25-2011, 01:02 AM
McCarthy weighed 42 stone
That's two-six-six kilos he'd groan
"I can't see my knees"
"Won't you help me, please?"

Nymtoc
05-25-2011, 03:05 AM
McCarthy weighed 42 stone
That's two-six-six kilos he'd groan
"I can't see my knees"
"Won't you help me, please?"
But everyone left him alone.

Politicians all lead saintly lives

Matera the Mad
05-25-2011, 07:37 AM
Politicians all lead saintly lives
According to them -- but their wives

flyingtart
05-25-2011, 05:29 PM
Politicians all lead saintly lives
According to them -- but their wives
Might well disagree

Nymtoc
05-25-2011, 10:39 PM
Politicians all lead saintly lives
According to them -- but their wives
Might well disagree
They're able to see

kellysaid
05-26-2011, 06:09 AM
Politicians all lead saintly lives
According to them -- but their wives
Might well disagree
They're able to see
Between his thighs something thrives

A drunk Santa stumbled lurched down the street
(sorry Nym ;) )

Nymtoc
05-26-2011, 06:17 AM
* The above line has too many syllables.

A drunk Santa lurched down the street

Sir_Nigel
05-26-2011, 01:24 PM
A drunk Santa lurched down the street
He had a world record to beat

GailD
05-26-2011, 04:57 PM
A drunk Santa lurched down the street
He had a world record to beat
Grabbing hold of the sleigh

flyingtart
05-26-2011, 05:48 PM
A drunk Santa lurched down the street
He had a world record to beat
Grabbing hold of the sleigh
He could not find the way

Sir_Nigel
05-26-2011, 06:30 PM
A drunk Santa lurched down the street
He had a world record to beat
Grabbing hold of the sleigh
He could not find the way
he was crabby and short in defeat.


His sofa was comfy but old

GailD
05-26-2011, 06:30 PM
A drunk Santa lurched down the street
He had a world record to beat
Grabbing hold of the sleigh
He could not find the way
But got a DUI charge. That's neat!



A cheerful old bear at the zoo

flyingtart
05-26-2011, 07:18 PM
His sofa was comfy but old
In a colour too garish and bold


A cheerful old bear at the zoo
Was happy to sleep until two

archerjoe
05-26-2011, 08:48 PM
His sofa was comfy but old
In a colour too garish and bold
The carpet was worse


A cheerful old bear at the zoo
Was happy to sleep until two
The zookeeper felt

Matera the Mad
05-26-2011, 10:10 PM
His sofa was comfy but old
In a colour too garish and bold
The carpet was worse
The stains made him curse



A cheerful old bear at the zoo
Was happy to sleep until two
The zookeeper felt
He overly dwelt

Nymtoc
05-27-2011, 12:00 AM
A cheerful old bear at the zoo
Was happy to sleep until two
The zookeeper felt
He overly dwelt
Within his own pile of warm poo.

A lass wandered over the brae

talkwrite
05-27-2011, 04:37 AM
A lass wandered over the brae
And quite buxom, she did sway

Pthom
05-27-2011, 05:01 AM
A lass wandered over the brae
And quite buxom (oh, my!) she did sway [repaired meter]
For the heather did scratch

Sir_Nigel
05-27-2011, 12:04 PM
A lass wandered over the brae
And quite buxom (oh, my!) she did sway
For the heather did scratch
round the old cabbage patch

GailD
05-27-2011, 02:59 PM
A lass wandered over the brae
And quite buxom (oh, my!) she did sway
For the heather did scratch
round the old cabbage patch
Her shriek of pleasure so gave her away

A newspaper man named Fling

Sir_Nigel
05-27-2011, 03:44 PM
A newspaper man named Fling
flung his shoe at a crooner named Bing

flyingtart
05-27-2011, 05:47 PM
Don't know why this one was ignored, but here goes:

His sofa was comfy but old
In a colour too garish and bold
The carpet was worse
The stains made him curse
And he's glad that it finally sold.

A newspaper man named Fling
flung his shoe at a crooner named Bing
White Christmas, you see

iLion
05-27-2011, 08:31 PM
A newspaper man named Fling,
Flung his shoe at a crooner named Bing;
White Christmas, you see
Makes Fling want to pee

Nymtoc
05-27-2011, 10:57 PM
A newspaper man named Fling,
Flung his shoe at a crooner named Bing;
White Christmas, you see
Makes Fling want to pee
And Bing always makes his pong ping.

There once was a dude named iLion

flyingtart
05-27-2011, 11:11 PM
There once was a dude named iLion
Whose witty ripostes were worth tryin'

Matera the Mad
05-28-2011, 05:21 AM
There once was a dude named iLion
Whose witty ripostes were worth tryin'
Wit pen sharp as sword

Albedo of Zero
05-28-2011, 06:09 AM
There once was a dude named iLion
Whose witty ripostes were worth tryin'
Wit pen sharp as sword
Ne'er lack of right word

Nymtoc
05-28-2011, 06:56 AM
There once was a dude named iLion
Whose witty ripostes were worth tryin'
Wit pen sharp as sword
Ne'er lack of right word
He has 'em both laughin' and cryin'.

And then there's that aerial tart

flyingtart
05-28-2011, 04:32 PM
And then there's that aerial tart
Despite being such an old fart

GailD
05-28-2011, 09:15 PM
And then there's that aerial tart
Despite being such an old fart
Her wit is so ready

Matera the Mad
05-29-2011, 01:40 AM
And then there's that aerial tart
Despite being such an old fart
Her wit is so ready
Our steps are unsteady

Pthom
05-29-2011, 06:43 AM
And then there's that aerial tart
Despite being such an old fart
Her wit is so ready
Our steps are unsteady
But she always fills in the right part.

But sometimes the Mad Mistress Em

Matera the Mad
05-29-2011, 03:32 PM
But sometimes the Mad Mistress Em
-- with a twinkling eye and an "ahem" --

flyingtart
05-29-2011, 06:33 PM
But sometimes the Mad Mistress Em
-- with a twinkling eye and an "ahem" --
Draws gasps from the crowd

GailD
05-29-2011, 07:33 PM
But sometimes the Mad Mistress Em
-- with a twinkling eye and an "ahem" --
Draws gasps from the crowd
And comments quite loud

Nymtoc
05-30-2011, 12:03 AM
But sometimes the Mad Mistress Em
-- with a twinkling eye and an "ahem" --
Draws gasps from the crowd
And comments quite loud
Whene'er she produces a gem.

Still, we must obey Master Pthom

GailD
05-30-2011, 02:35 AM
Still, we must obey Master Pthom
from 'clevercoyote' dot com

Matera the Mad
05-30-2011, 06:16 AM
Still, we must obey Master Pthom
from 'clevercoyote' dot com
He sure knows his stuff

Nymtoc
05-30-2011, 06:19 AM
Still, we must obey Master Pthom
from 'clevercoyote' dot com
He sure knows his stuff
But he can get tough

GailD
05-30-2011, 02:05 PM
Still, we must obey Master Pthom
from 'clevercoyote' dot com
He sure knows his stuff
But he can get tough
If you cause a limerick to bomb.



A gunsmith got himself fired

flyingtart
05-30-2011, 05:41 PM
(slight addition to help scan)
A gunsmith once got himself fired
And in legal redress fully mired

Matera the Mad
05-30-2011, 10:14 PM
A gunsmith once got himself fired
And in legal redress fully mired
He got loaded and shot

Pthom
05-30-2011, 10:45 PM
A gunsmith once got himself fired
And in legal redress fully mired
He got loaded and shot
But what they forgot

Nymtoc
05-31-2011, 09:12 AM
A gunsmith once got himself fired
And in legal redress fully mired
He got loaded and shot
But what they forgot
Was, with gun in hand, he was inspired.

An archer named Joe turned up here

flyingtart
05-31-2011, 03:52 PM
An archer named Joe turned up here
Tanked up on a flagon of beer

Matera the Mad
05-31-2011, 05:20 PM
An archer named Joe turned up here
Tanked up on a flagon of beer
He cranked out one line

flyingtart
05-31-2011, 05:27 PM
An archer named Joe turned up here
Tanked up on a flagon of beer
He cranked out one line
At quarter past nine

Matera the Mad
05-31-2011, 05:38 PM
An archer named Joe turned up here
Tanked up on a flagon of beer
He cranked out one line
At quarter past nine
And everyone sent up a cheer


A body reflecting no light

Lavern08
05-31-2011, 07:02 PM
A body reflecting no light
Was found on the shore on last night

GailD
05-31-2011, 08:24 PM
A body reflecting no light
Was found on the shore on last night
And clutched in its paw

flyingtart
05-31-2011, 11:49 PM
A body reflecting no light
Was found on the shore on last night
And clutched in its paw
Was a magnetic saw

Matera the Mad
06-01-2011, 06:31 AM
A body reflecting no light
Was found on the shore on last night
And clutched in its paw
Was a magnetic saw
To see that saw was a rare sight!
(first line in honor of Albedo of Zero, in case some don't get it)


If ever we run out of muse juice

Rebekah7
06-01-2011, 06:37 AM
If ever we run out of muse juice
And we just let the marmots loose

Nymtoc
06-01-2011, 08:05 AM
If ever we run out of muse juice
Allowing the marmots to run loose [edited for meter]
What happens is that

Pthom
06-01-2011, 10:30 AM
If ever we run out of muse juice
Allowing the marmots to run loose
What happens is that
Our poems fall flat

flyingtart
06-01-2011, 12:12 PM
If ever we run out of muse juice
Allowing the marmots to run loose
What happens is that
Our poems fall flat
And we may end up blowing a fuse.


Our Nymtoc was out hunting stag

GailD
06-01-2011, 02:45 PM
Our Nymtoc was out hunting stag
With a shiny .45 mag

Lavern08
06-01-2011, 05:39 PM
Our Nymtoc was out hunting stag
With a shiny .45 mag
He slipped and he fell

talkwrite
06-01-2011, 08:08 PM
Our Nymtoc was out hunting stag
With a shiny .45 mag
He slipped and he fell
And his head did swell

Pthom
06-02-2011, 01:03 AM
Some meter slippage here:

Our Nymtoc was out hunting stag
With a shiny .45 mag

I'm not sure how you pronounce ".45" ... but I say "forty-five". Others might, when seeing that, say "forty-five caliber" because that's what it means. Sadly, neither of those options fits, meter-wise.

He slipped and he fell
And his head did swell

Here, there's at least one beat missing. Easily fixed.

Our Nymtoc was out hunting stag
With a big shiny .45 mag
He slipped and he fell
And his head it did swell
And they brought Nymtoc home in a bag.

The spring rains are staying on late.

Matera the Mad
06-02-2011, 06:10 AM
The spring rains are staying on late.
I wonder what shall be our fate

flyingtart
06-02-2011, 12:38 PM
The spring rains are staying on late.
I wonder what shall be our fate
For precipitation

GailD
06-02-2011, 04:11 PM
The spring rains are staying on late.
I wonder what shall be our fate
For precipitation
Without any cessation

talkwrite
06-02-2011, 11:45 PM
The spring rains are staying on late.
I wonder what shall be our fate
For precipitation
Without any cessation
Will cause rivers to inundate

Down South is as dry as a bone

Pthom
06-03-2011, 03:42 AM
Down South is as dry as a bone
(We're talking Sahara, not Rome)

GailD
06-03-2011, 04:02 AM
Down South is as dry as a bone
(We're talking Sahara, not Rome)
Even tumbleweed died

Albedo of Zero
06-03-2011, 09:10 AM
Down South is as dry as a bone
(We're talking Sahara, not Rome)
Even tumbleweed died
(ok, so I lied)

Pthom
06-03-2011, 10:54 AM
Down South is as dry as a bone
(We're talking Sahara, not Rome)
Even tumbleweed died
(ok, so I lied)
And now I will die all alone.

(sob)

What we need is a happier note.

flyingtart
06-03-2011, 12:25 PM
What we need is a happier note.
Like the tale of Wee Willie the Stoat

Vayre
06-03-2011, 10:31 PM
What we need is a happier note.
Like the tale of Wee Willie the Stoat
He got out of bed

GailD
06-04-2011, 02:58 AM
What we need is a happier note.
Like the tale of Wee Willie the Stoat
He got out of bed
Saw his wife, newly wed

talkwrite
06-04-2011, 04:05 AM
What we need is a happier note.
Like the tale of Wee Willie the Stoat
He got out of bed
Saw his wife, newly wed
And he lost all reason to gloat.

Marie Antoinette loved high collars

Nymtoc
06-04-2011, 04:52 AM
Marie Antoinette loved high collars
She also loved handsome young scholars

Matera the Mad
06-04-2011, 06:38 AM
Marie Antoinette loved high collars
She also loved handsome young scholars
Her heart went astray

GailD
06-04-2011, 02:59 PM
Marie Antoinette loved high collars
She also loved handsome young scholars
Her heart went astray
Though her head held sway

flyingtart
06-04-2011, 03:16 PM
Marie Antoinette loved high collars
She also loved handsome young scholars
Her heart went astray
Though her head held sway
At the sound of the Paris mob's hollers


He stays in the bathroom for hours

GailD
06-04-2011, 07:57 PM
He stays in the bathroom for hours
Contemplating his aversion to showers

Nymtoc
06-04-2011, 08:52 PM
He stays in the bathroom for hours
Despite his aversion to showers [edited for meter]
To shower or not

flyingtart
06-04-2011, 10:15 PM
He stays in the bathroom for hours
Despite his aversion to showers [edited for meter]
To shower or not
And tepid or hot

Pthom
06-04-2011, 11:53 PM
He stays in the bathroom for hours
Despite his aversion to showers
To shower or not?
And tepid or hot?
Or to dry with not "His", "Hers," but "Ours?"

The gardener grew giant rhubarb

Matera the Mad
06-05-2011, 06:45 AM
The gardener grew giant rhubarb
Amid roses with formidable barb

Nymtoc
06-05-2011, 08:43 AM
The gardener grew giant rhubarb
Amid roses with formidable barb

:Lecture: Methinks 'tis time for another disquisition on rhyming. First of all, "rhubarb" is a toughie. Remember, poets, that a two-syllable word with the accent on the first syllable (a trochee) must be rhymed by means of its FIRST syllable, while the second syllable remains the same. Examples: "adverb" rhymes with "bad verb," and "headlight" rhymes with "red light."

"But wait," you say, "you can't rhyme 'verb' with 'verb' or 'light' with 'light'--it's the same word, or at least the same syllable."

That's the whole point, kiddies. "Adverb" rhymes with "sad verb," but not with "bad curb," and "headlight" rhymes with "spread light" but not with "said right" or "head tight" or "dead night."

The FIRST syllable of the rhyming word (the trochee) changes. The SECOND syllable remains the same. "Quagmire" does not rhyme with "hellfire," which is what awaits you if you violate this rule.

And now, as to our limerick, the second line doesn't even attempt a rhyme. But here's something that would work, though it's a bit on the lame side:

The gardener grew giant rhubarb
And roses that sported a true barb

flyingtart
06-05-2011, 12:10 PM
The gardener grew giant rhubarb
And roses that sported a true barb
But as you all know

Pthom
06-06-2011, 01:00 AM
Where Nymtoc makes an excellent point, I disagree that in a limerick, the first syllable of a two syllable rhyme pair must rhyme. His solution, "true barb" is quite good, actually, but I think acceptable alternatives exist. A line that occurs to me for the current limerick is: Amid roses with hundreds of sharp barbs. Yeah, the plural forming "s" isn't strictly proper, I guess, but it would work for me. Anyway, to carry on...

The gardener grew giant rhubarb
And roses that sported a true barb
But as you all know
His skill with a hoe

Nymtoc
06-06-2011, 01:14 AM
There can obviously be disagreements here. My ideas about rhyming were meant to apply to limericks (and to well-written song lyrics, too), but they are not meant to apply to all poetry, where clearly there is a great deal of latitude. Even with limericks, we can see that Phtom has differences with me, and my friend the madwoman has let me know that she disagrees, too. I will be available for stoning tomorrow at 6 a.m., but nothing more than 2 cm in diameter, please. :D

The gardener grew giant rhubarb
And roses that sported a true barb
But as you all know
His skill with a hoe
Produced a quite beautiful new barb

"Alas, we are lost!" said her suitor

MidlifeMark
06-06-2011, 05:08 AM
"Alas, we are list!" said her suitor
Upon learning that "she" was a neuter

flyingtart
06-06-2011, 01:29 PM
"Alas, we are lost!" said her suitor
Upon learning that "she" was a neuter
"The trouble, my dear

kysharx
06-06-2011, 02:16 PM
"Alas, we are lost!" said her suitor
Upon learning that "she" was a neuter
"The trouble, my dear
Is that. there is nothing to fear

flyingtart
06-06-2011, 03:18 PM
"Alas, we are lost!" said her suitor
Upon learning that "she" was a neuter
"The trouble, my dear,
Is there's nothing to fear (slight edit to scan)
From the lies that were taught by your tutor."


McDonald once spoiled for a fight

Sir_Nigel
06-06-2011, 04:45 PM
McDonald once spoiled for a fight
he would rage at some trivial slight

talkwrite
06-06-2011, 07:25 PM
McDonald once spoiled for a fight
he would rage at some trivial slight
With fists tightly clenched

flyingtart
06-06-2011, 10:08 PM
McDonald once spoiled for a fight
he would rage at some trivial slight
With fists tightly clenched
And brow lightly drenched

Matera the Mad
06-07-2011, 04:26 AM
McDonald once spoiled for a fight
he would rage at some trivial slight
With fists tightly clenched
And brow lightly drenched
He would rant 'til they put out his light.

Now he's older, and though he knows better

MidlifeMark
06-07-2011, 05:54 AM
Now he's older, and though he knows better
He's as brainless as my Irish Setter

Albedo of Zero
06-07-2011, 06:55 AM
Now he's older, and though he knows better
He's as brainless as my Irish Setter
His temper, still quick

Sir_Nigel
06-07-2011, 11:36 AM
Now he's older, and though he knows better
He's as brainless as my Irish Setter
His temper, still quick,
got him chucked in the nick

flyingtart
06-07-2011, 01:31 PM
Now he's older, and though he knows better
He's as brainless as my Irish Setter
His temper, still quick,
got him chucked in the nick
He should have just written a letter


Dolores has bought me new strides

Sir_Nigel
06-07-2011, 03:10 PM
Dolores has bought me new strides
But people are splitting their sides

GailD
06-07-2011, 04:58 PM
Dolores has bought me new strides
But people are splitting their sides
As I walk down the street

talkwrite
06-07-2011, 05:33 PM
Dolores has bought me new strides
But people are splitting their sides
As I walk down the street
They hover my bare feet

Nymtoc
06-07-2011, 07:35 PM
Dolores has bought me new strides
But people are splitting their sides
As I walk down the street
They eye my bare feet*




[The line previously had too many syllables so I made this fix. The only meaning I get for "strides" is slang for "trousers." I'm not sure which "they" the previous poster is referring to. If it's the strides, maybe she meant to write "cover" instead of "hover," in which case "they hide my bare feet" would work. If she meant "people," maybe she meant the line that I've written. Take your pick. :)]

GailD
06-07-2011, 08:08 PM
Take your pick. :)]

Nit-pick!


Dolores has bought me new strides
But people are splitting their sides
As I walk down the street
They eye my bare feet
And miss my bonny backsides.



There was a young lady from Clyde,

flyingtart
06-07-2011, 08:18 PM
There was a young lady from Clyde,
Who kept her purse in her backside

Nymtoc
06-07-2011, 08:24 PM
There was a young lady from Clyde,
Who kept her purse in her backside
Along came a scally

Matera the Mad
06-07-2011, 08:42 PM
There was a young lady from Clyde,
Who kept her purse in her backside
Along came a scally
-wag who got pally

iLion
06-07-2011, 08:50 PM
There was a young lady from Clyde,
Who kept her purse in her backside
Along came a scally
-wag who got pally
Pinched her ass and the money inside.

I was looking up into the stars

Matera the Mad
06-07-2011, 08:52 PM
I was looking up into the stars
When along came a lady from Mars

iLion
06-07-2011, 09:05 PM
I was looking up into the stars
When along came a lady from Mars
She licked my ear

Pthom
06-07-2011, 09:21 PM
I was looking up into the stars
When along came a lady from Mars
She licked at my ear {added a syllable to help the meter}
With a tongue, which I fear

iLion
06-07-2011, 09:24 PM
I was looking up into the stars
When along came a lady from Mars
She licked at my ear
With a tongue, which I fear
Reached all the way down to my arse.

I'm was scared but I really enjoyed

flyingtart
06-07-2011, 09:32 PM
I was scared but I really enjoyed
Her handling of my haemorrhoid

GailD
06-08-2011, 01:00 AM
I was scared but I really enjoyed
Her handling of my haemorrhoid
So I said, with a smile,

Pthom
06-08-2011, 03:45 AM
I was scared but I really enjoyed
Her handling of my haemorrhoid
So I said, with a smile,
"Pray, do tarry awhile.

Nymtoc
06-08-2011, 03:53 AM
I was scared but I really enjoyed
Her handling of my haemorrhoid
So I said, with a smile,
"Pray, do tarry awhile.
Now it's time to discuss Sigmund Freud."

The crux of the matter was this:

MidlifeMark
06-08-2011, 06:13 AM
The crux of the matter was this:
In the throes of her alien kiss

flyingtart
06-08-2011, 10:12 AM
The crux of the matter was this:
In the throes of her alien kiss
I lost my poor heart

Sir_Nigel
06-08-2011, 11:31 AM
The crux of the matter was this:
In the throes of her alien kiss
I lost my poor heart
to a three breasted tart

flyingtart
06-08-2011, 01:20 PM
The crux of the matter was this:
In the throes of her alien kiss
I lost my poor heart
to a three breasted tart
And our outlandish sex is just bliss.


Do not put your trust in Loretta

GailD
06-08-2011, 02:13 PM
Do not put your trust in Loretta
For she comes with a nine mil Beretta

Sir_Nigel
06-08-2011, 02:24 PM
Do not put your trust in Loretta
For she comes with a nine mil Beretta
plus a lead-weighted cosh

Nymtoc
06-08-2011, 02:34 PM
Do not put your trust in Loretta
For she comes with a nine mil Beretta
plus a lead-weighted cosh
That could easily squash

Sir_Nigel
06-08-2011, 03:03 PM
Do not put your trust in Loretta
For she comes with a nine mil Beretta
plus a lead-weighted cosh
That could easily squash
a small cat – and she would – if you let her.


He wandered about willy nilly

flyingtart
06-08-2011, 03:23 PM
He wandered about willy nilly
In a tutu, which frankly looked silly

Sir_Nigel
06-08-2011, 05:06 PM
He wandered about willy nilly
In a tutu, which frankly looked silly
He rent it asunder

Nymtoc
06-08-2011, 07:04 PM
He wandered about willy nilly
In a tutu, which frankly looked silly
He rent it asunder
But that was a blunder

Lavern08
06-08-2011, 07:31 PM
He wandered about willy nilly
In a tutu, which frankly looked silly
He rent it asunder
But that was a blunder
It belonged to his sister named Milly.

I once met a man from Montana

iLion
06-08-2011, 08:19 PM
I once met a man from Montana
whose pocket contained a banana

Albedo of Zero
06-08-2011, 09:29 PM
I once met a man from Montana
whose pocket contained a banana
Was he happy to see me?

flyingtart
06-08-2011, 09:34 PM
I once met a man from Montana
whose pocket contained a banana
Was he glad to see me? slight edit to scan
For what else could it be?

Pthom
06-08-2011, 11:35 PM
I once met a man from Montana
Whose pocket contained a banana.
Was he glad to see me?
For what else could it be:
A rolled up old snotty bandanna?

The gumshoe was nothing but shrewd.

MidlifeMark
06-09-2011, 04:22 AM
The gumshoe was nothing but shrewd.
He noted the woman was nude.

Pthom
06-09-2011, 10:57 AM
The gumshoe was nothing but shrewd.
He noted the woman was nude.
The clue (so he said)

Sir_Nigel
06-09-2011, 12:19 PM
The gumshoe was nothing but shrewd.
He noted the woman was nude.
The clue (so he said)
as he leapt on the bed

flyingtart
06-09-2011, 01:15 PM
The gumshoe was nothing but shrewd.
He noted the woman was nude.
The clue (so he said)
as he leapt on the bed
Was she hadn't a cock like a dude.


He examined her for many days

archerjoe
06-09-2011, 05:41 PM
He examined her for many days
Top to bottom in so many ways

Sir_Nigel
06-09-2011, 06:04 PM
He examined her for many days
Top to bottom in so many ways
He announced his conclusion

flyingtart
06-09-2011, 07:07 PM
He examined her for many days
Top to bottom in so many ways
He announced his conclusion
Which caused some confusion

Pthom
06-09-2011, 11:12 PM
He examined her for many days
Top to bottom in so many ways.
He announced his conclusion
Which caused some confusion:
They were extras in Off Broadway plays.

A bar-b-que isn't enough

Nymtoc
06-10-2011, 01:38 AM
A bar-b-que isn't enough
When you're trying to show off your stuff

GailD
06-10-2011, 02:46 AM
A bar-b-que isn't enough
When you're trying to show off your stuff
But a little more meat

Pthom
06-10-2011, 04:17 AM
A bar-b-que isn't enough
When you're trying to show off your stuff
But a little more meat
And a lot more heat

Nymtoc
06-10-2011, 06:30 AM
A bar-b-que isn't enough
When you're trying to show off your stuff
But a little more meat
And a lot more heat
Will work wonders if you're in the buff.

Mr. Brown fell in love with Ms. Green

Albedo of Zero
06-10-2011, 08:39 AM
Mr. Brown fell in love with Ms. Green
On this, his wife wasn't keen

flyingtart
06-10-2011, 12:52 PM
Mr. Brown fell in love with Ms. Green
On this, his wife wasn't keen
So she sent him a letter

GailD
06-10-2011, 02:12 PM
Mr. Brown fell in love with Ms. Green
On this, his wife wasn't keen
So she sent him a letter
Warning him to forget her