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flyingtart
04-10-2011, 07:07 PM
I sometimes read books on a Kindle
Though the price is quite clearly a swindle
Of course, there's no porn
But pages aren't torn,
And your interest most surely won't dwindle.


It's odd but I find it macabre

iLion
04-10-2011, 09:53 PM
It's odd but I find it macabre
I enjoy that I dress like a slob

HarryHoskins
04-10-2011, 11:40 PM
It's odd but I find it macabre
I enjoy that I dress like a slob
you see washings a bore

Pthom
04-11-2011, 12:31 AM
Whoa there, folks... what happened to limerick form here?

First two lines MUST rhyme with each other and have identical meter. Third and fourth lines rhyme with each other but with different meter.
Fifth and last line must match the first two.

When our Limericks are set out to rhyme,
And we do this right most of the time.
We struggle with meter
(To not upset Peter!)
And when right all the church bells will chime.

Okay, it's sucky, but it illustrates the form. The underlined syllables are stressed.

Now go ye back (iLion and HarryHoskins) to the previous two posts and . . . FIX it.

Edit: Oh, all right. I pronounce the last syllable of macabre (as I do with the last syllable of Louvre), a sort of de-emphasized "reh". But I find that some do in fact pronounce it to rhyme with "slob." My apologies. Carry on.

archerjoe
04-11-2011, 01:21 AM
Fans of late night horror show host, Elvira, hear it pronounced as ma-cob, rhyming with job. My dictionary has it otherwise.

It's odd but I find it macabre
I enjoy that I dress like a slob
you see washings a bore
be it clothes or the floor

MidlifeMark
04-11-2011, 03:21 AM
It's odd but I find it macabre
I enjoy that I dress like a slob
you see washings a bore
be it clothes or the floor
It's no wonder I can't find a job.

I once met a girl in New Delhi

Pthom
04-11-2011, 04:09 AM
I once met a girl in New Delhi
Who showed me how to . . . roll jelly.


:D

Nymtoc
04-11-2011, 05:31 AM
I once met a girl in New Delhi
Who showed me how to . . . roll jelly.
She taught me a trick

Sir_Nigel
04-11-2011, 12:03 PM
I once met a girl in New Delhi
Who showed me how to . . . roll jelly.
She taught me a trick
with a liquorice stick

flyingtart
04-11-2011, 12:29 PM
I once met a girl in New Delhi
Who showed me how to . . . roll jelly.
She taught me a trick
with a liquorice stick
Though it left me all icky and smelly.


Vole strangling was his occupation

Sir_Nigel
04-11-2011, 01:00 PM
Vole strangling was his occupation
for the voles were a source of frustration

archerjoe
04-11-2011, 06:28 PM
Vole strangling was his occupation
for the voles were a source of frustrationBut cooked in a stew

flyingtart
04-11-2011, 06:58 PM
Vole strangling was his occupation
for the voles were a source of frustration
But cooked in a stew
Washed down with a brew

iLion
04-11-2011, 08:10 PM
Vole strangling was his occupation
for the voles were a source of frustration
But cooked in a stew
Washed down with a brew
was not nearly as bad as castration.

The guns in my house are all loaded

archerjoe
04-11-2011, 09:00 PM
The guns in my house are all loaded
My alcohol use has exploded

Nymtoc
04-11-2011, 09:14 PM
The guns in my house are all loaded
My alcohol use has exploded
I think that I may

archerjoe
04-12-2011, 06:01 AM
The guns in my house are all loaded
My alcohol use has exploded
I think that I may
Cause trouble some day

Nymtoc
04-12-2011, 09:12 AM
The guns in my house are all loaded
My alcohol use has exploded
I think that I may
Cause trouble some day
Especially if I am goaded.

I'm thinking of visiting Hell

Sir_Nigel
04-12-2011, 12:01 PM
I'm thinking of visiting Hell
The housing is cheap I heard tell

flyingtart
04-12-2011, 12:26 PM
I'm thinking of visiting Hell
The housing is cheap I heard tell
The food isn't great

Sir_Nigel
04-12-2011, 03:16 PM
I'm thinking of visiting Hell
The housing is cheap I heard tell
The food isn't great
and there’s cruelty and hate

Nymtoc
04-12-2011, 04:20 PM
I'm thinking of visiting Hell
The housing is cheap I heard tell
The food isn't great
and there’s cruelty and hate
But I heard some Hell dwellers are swell.

Some fool cut my maple tree down

SinK
04-12-2011, 04:50 PM
Some fool cut my maple tree down
'twas quite the toast of the town

Lavern08
04-12-2011, 06:05 PM
Some fool cut my maple tree down
'twas quite the toast of the town
I chased him down Main Street

SinK
04-13-2011, 11:43 AM
Some fool cut my maple tree down
'twas quite the toast of the town
I chased him down Main Street
Made sure he was dead meat

flyingtart
04-13-2011, 12:18 PM
Some fool cut my maple tree down
'twas quite the toast of the town
I chased him down Main Street
Made sure he was dead meat
Which caused the poor sheriff to frown


I find sci-fi series so cheesy

archerjoe
04-13-2011, 04:25 PM
I find sci-fi series so cheesy
The bad acting leaves me quite queasy

Pthom
04-13-2011, 10:42 PM
I find sci-fi series so cheesy
The bad acting leaves me quite queasy
The “special” effects

flyingtart
04-13-2011, 11:42 PM
I find sci-fi series so cheesy
The bad acting leaves me quite queasy
The “special” effects
And alien sex

Matera the Mad
04-14-2011, 07:22 AM
I find sci-fi series so cheesy
The bad acting leaves me quite queasy
The “special” effects
And alien sex
Are anything but hot and teasy

The question is, what do we know

Nymtoc
04-14-2011, 07:38 AM
The question is, what do we know
And is what we know really so

Sir_Nigel
04-14-2011, 12:25 PM
The question is, what do we know
And is what we know really so
Also why, what and who

flyingtart
04-14-2011, 01:30 PM
The question is, what do we know
And is what we know really so
Also why, what and who
For if anyone knew

archerjoe
04-14-2011, 04:22 PM
The question is, what do we know
And is what we know really so
Also why, what and who
For if anyone knew
I'd really have nothing to show

My head hurts when questions get deep

SinK
04-14-2011, 05:04 PM
My head hurts when questions get deep
Metaphysics gives me the creeps

MidlifeMark
04-15-2011, 05:16 AM
My head hurts when questions get deep
Metaphysics gives me the creeps
But I often do wonder

Sir_Nigel
04-15-2011, 11:31 AM
My head hurts when questions get deep
Metaphysics gives me the creeps
But I often do wonder
if some negligent blunder

flyingtart
04-15-2011, 12:28 PM
My head hurts when questions get deep
Metaphysics gives me the creeps
But I often do wonder
if some negligent blunder
Prevents us from making that leap


When Carrie met Harry, it's said

Sir_Nigel
04-15-2011, 01:29 PM
When Carrie met Harry, it's said
they were joined by a gooseberry - Ned

Nymtoc
04-16-2011, 02:25 AM
When Carrie met Harry, it's said
they were joined by a gooseberry - Ned
The three of them went

MidlifeMark
04-16-2011, 07:15 AM
When Carrie met Harry, it's said
they were joined by a gooseberry - Ned
The three of them went
And rented a tent

Nymtoc
04-16-2011, 07:27 AM
When Carrie met Harry, it's said
they were joined by a gooseberry - Ned
The three of them went
And rented a tent
Where they tried to write rhymes for this thread.

When Gwendolyn smiled at a guy

flyingtart
04-16-2011, 03:11 PM
When Gwendolyn smiled at a guy
He knew it was sure worth a try

SinK
04-16-2011, 05:25 PM
When Gwendolyn smiled at a guy
He knew it was sure worth a try
He woke in the morn'

MidlifeMark
04-16-2011, 06:13 PM
When Gwendolyn smiled at a guy
He knew it was sure worth a try
He woke in the morn'
But then he was torn

Pthom
04-16-2011, 11:49 PM
When Gwendolyn smiled at a guy
He knew it was sure worth a try
He woke in the morn'
But then he was torn
'Cause Gwen took her love on the fly.

The reader of meters did say:

Nymtoc
04-17-2011, 02:40 AM
The reader of meters did say:
"You're over-parked. Now you must pay."

flyingtart
04-17-2011, 04:23 PM
The reader of meters did say:
"You're over-parked. Now you must pay."
But the scofflaw replied

Nymtoc
04-17-2011, 06:56 PM
The reader of meters did say:
"You're over-parked. Now you must pay."
But the scofflaw replied,
"I'll rip off yer hide!"

Pthom
04-18-2011, 01:33 AM
The reader of meters did say:
"You're over-parked. Now you must pay."
But the scofflaw replied,
"I'll rip off yer hide!"
Said the reader of meters, "Okay!"

Which, actually was rather dumb. . .

MidlifeMark
04-18-2011, 05:08 AM
Which, actually was rather dumb. . .
She reached out and tore off his thumb.

flyingtart
04-18-2011, 02:00 PM
Which, actually was rather dumb. . .
She reached out and tore off his thumb.
The pain was so searing

Matera the Mad
04-19-2011, 08:31 AM
Which, actually was rather dumb. . .
She reached out and tore off his thumb.
The pain was so searing
His eyes ne'er stopped tearing

flyingtart
04-19-2011, 12:59 PM
Which, actually was rather dumb. . .
She reached out and tore off his thumb.
The pain was so searing
His eyes ne'er stopped tearing
And steam came right out of his bum


The weather is too hot for Spring

iLion
04-19-2011, 08:11 PM
The weather is too hot for Spring.
I don't want to wear anythng

archerjoe
04-19-2011, 08:23 PM
The weather is too hot for Spring.
I don't want to wear anything
An all-over tan

flyingtart
04-19-2011, 09:34 PM
The weather is too hot for Spring.
I don't want to wear anything
An all-over tan
Looks so good on a man

Nymtoc
04-19-2011, 09:42 PM
The weather is too hot for Spring.
I don't want to wear anything
An all-over tan
Looks so good on a man
But I've got no tan. I'll wear bling.

I tell my dog not to chase cars

Pthom
04-19-2011, 09:51 PM
I tell my dog not to chase cars
Or run around visiting bars

Nymtoc
04-20-2011, 03:02 AM
I tell my dog not to chase cars
Or run around visiting bars
But he's a sly mutt

flyingtart
04-20-2011, 12:29 PM
I tell my dog not to chase cars
Or run around visiting bars
But he's a sly mutt
And a bit of a nut

Pthom
04-20-2011, 09:07 PM
I tell my dog not to chase cars
Or run around visiting bars
But he's a sly mutt
And a bit of a nut
Has a fetish for wearing peignoirs!

Oh, when will this silliness end?

Nymtoc
04-20-2011, 11:01 PM
Oh, when will this silliness end?
Have we already gone 'round the bend?

MidlifeMark
04-21-2011, 05:29 AM
Oh, when will this silliness end?
Have we already gone 'round the bend?
Well, there's Spring in the air

flyingtart
04-21-2011, 01:57 PM
Oh, when will this silliness end?
Have we already gone 'round the bend?
Well, there's Spring in the air
Are we mad, like the hare?

Nymtoc
04-21-2011, 03:05 PM
Oh, when will this silliness end?
Have we already gone 'round the bend?
Well, there's Spring in the air
Are we mad, like the hare?
These are things we still can't comprehend.

A strange letter arrived in the mail

SinK
04-21-2011, 04:29 PM
A strange letter arrived in the mail
Containing two fish heads and tails

flyingtart
04-21-2011, 05:16 PM
A strange letter arrived in the mail
Containing two fish heads and tails
Was it haddock or cod?

Nymtoc
04-21-2011, 08:03 PM
A strange letter arrived in the mail
Containing two fish heads and tails
Was it haddock or cod?
Ugh! It's nothing but scrod

iLion
04-21-2011, 09:15 PM
A strange letter arrived in the mail
Containing two fish heads and tails
Was it haddock or cod?
Ugh! It's nothing but scrod!
The sender should be sent off to jail!

I've fallen in love with a gal

flyingtart
04-21-2011, 09:38 PM
I've fallen in love with a gal
Whom I met in a Bronx shopping mall

iLion
04-21-2011, 09:50 PM
I've fallen in love with a gal
Whom I met in a Bronx shopping mall
I think she's a Brit

Pthom
04-22-2011, 02:51 AM
I've fallen in love with a gal
Whom I met in a Bronx shopping mall
I think she's a Brit
(She's sure not a twit!)

Nymtoc
04-22-2011, 02:54 AM
I've fallen in love with a gal
Whom I met in a Bronx shopping mall
I think she's a Brit
(She's sure not a twit!)
Shall I make my move? Yes, I shall!

I long for a house by the sea

MidlifeMark
04-22-2011, 04:50 AM
I long for a house by the sea
Where into the waves I could pee

iLion
04-22-2011, 04:56 AM
I long for a house by the sea
Where into the waves I could pee
The ships will wave

flyingtart
04-22-2011, 12:38 PM
I long for a house by the sea
Where into the waves I could pee
The ships will wave
And I will save

MidlifeMark
04-22-2011, 05:59 PM
I long for a house by the sea
Where into the waves I could pee
The ships will wave
And I will save
A gallon of water, or three.

Some raccoons have moved into my attic

flyingtart
04-22-2011, 06:47 PM
Some raccoons have moved into my attic
I can sense them, although they are static

Nymtoc
04-22-2011, 09:48 PM
Some raccoons have moved into my attic
I can sense them, although they are static
They give off a smell

Pthom
04-23-2011, 01:15 AM
Some raccoons have moved into my attic
I can sense them, although they are static
They give off a smell
By which I can tell

Matera the Mad
04-23-2011, 08:38 AM
Some raccoons have moved into my attic
I can sense them, although they are static
They give off a smell
By which I can tell
Their control of their sphincter's erratic

Could you please, if I dare to suggest,

flyingtart
04-23-2011, 12:05 PM
Could you please, if I dare to suggest,
Put your poetic skills to the test

Matera the Mad
04-23-2011, 07:59 PM
Could you please, if I dare to suggest,<br>
Put your poetic skills to the test<br>And make this limerick<br>

Nymtoc
04-23-2011, 08:57 PM
Could you please, if I dare to suggest,
Put your poetic skills to the test
And make this limerick
(Let's coin a word--"grimerick")

flyingtart
04-23-2011, 10:15 PM
Could you please, if I dare to suggest,
Put your poetic skills to the test
And make this limerick
(Let's coin a word--"grimerick")
It will most surely turn out the best!


She worshipped the works of Puccini

Nymtoc
04-24-2011, 01:04 AM
She worshipped the works of Puccini
But scorned Benvenuto Cellini

HarryHoskins
04-24-2011, 01:06 AM
She worshipped the works of Puccini
But scorned Benvenuto Cellini
When listening to Chopin

Nymtoc
04-24-2011, 01:13 AM
She worshipped the works of Puccini
But scorned Benvenuto Cellini
When listening to Chopin
She sighed, "C'est un saint!"

HarryHoskins
04-24-2011, 02:53 AM
She worshipped the works of Puccini
But scorned Benvenuto Cellini
When listening to Chopin
She sighed, "C'est un saint!"
Yet wisely she hated Rossini.

I must declare that my mum is my dad

flyingtart
04-24-2011, 01:16 PM
I must declare that my mum is my dad
(After the op he/she had)

MidlifeMark
04-24-2011, 08:47 PM
I must declare that my mum is my dad
(After the op he/she had)
She tied one on

flyingtart
04-25-2011, 12:36 PM
I must declare that my mum is my dad
(After the op he/she had)
She tied one on
Then went to the john

Nymtoc
04-25-2011, 09:15 PM
I must declare that my mum is my dad
(After the op he/she had)
She tied one on
Then went to the john
The rest can't be told. It's too sad.

I can't wait for the flowers of May

iLion
04-25-2011, 09:24 PM
I can't wait for the flowers of May
To take a long roll in the hay

MidlifeMark
04-26-2011, 06:38 AM
I can't wait for the flowers of May
To take a long roll in the hay
But a cheap no-tell motel

Nymtoc
04-26-2011, 06:47 AM
I can't wait for the flowers of May
To take a long roll in the hay
But a no-tell motel
Might do just as well

Matera the Mad
04-27-2011, 06:00 AM
I can't wait for the flowers of May
To take a long roll in the hay
But a no-tell motel
Might do just as well
Just as long as I get a good lay

April showers have outstayed their welcome

Nymtoc
04-27-2011, 09:24 AM
April showers have outstayed their welcome
Let May flowers with their sweet smell come.

Sir_Nigel
04-27-2011, 11:46 AM
April showers have outstayed their welcome
Let May flowers with their sweet smell come.
And then, when it’s June

iLion
04-27-2011, 09:23 PM
April showers have outstayed their welcome
Let May flowers with their sweet smell come.
And then, when it’s June
I'll bay at the moon

Nymtoc
04-27-2011, 10:35 PM
April showers have outstayed their welcome
Let May flowers with their sweet smell come.
And then, when it’s June
I'll bay at the moon
And laugh when the bats out of Hell come.

O, where are the poets of yore?

HarryHoskins
04-27-2011, 11:41 PM
O, where are the poets of yore?
They can't all have flounced out the door

SinK
04-28-2011, 12:39 AM
O, where are the poets of yore?
They can't all have flounced out the door
A homeric ode,

Sir_Nigel
04-28-2011, 04:25 PM
O, where are the poets of yore?
They can't all have flounced out the door
A homeric ode
made their brain cells explode

HarryHoskins
04-28-2011, 04:32 PM
O, where are the poets of yore?
They can't all have flounced out the door
A homeric ode
made their brain cells explode
like an overclocked nuclear core.

Won't somebody please think of the children

Nymtoc
04-28-2011, 05:52 PM
This one is off to a rocky start. There are too many syllables in the first line, and true rhymes for "children" are just about impossible. I shall use my powers as Magister Extraordinaire of the Limerick Realm to rephrase it. For anyone who wishes to dispute my decision, I suggest ballpoint pens at dawn. :D

Won't someone please think of the kids

archerjoe
04-28-2011, 06:04 PM
Won't someone please think of the kids
To save from a life on the skids

HarryHoskins
04-29-2011, 03:39 AM
Won't someone please think of the kids
To save from a life on the skids
this worlds gone to pot

MidlifeMark
04-29-2011, 04:38 AM
Won't someone please think of the kids
To save from a life on the skids
this worlds gone to pot
and I don't know what

slcboston
04-29-2011, 11:30 PM
Won't someone please think of the kids
To save from a life on the skids
this world's gone to pot
and I don't know what
To say here that will rhyme with "skids"

:D

There once was a class full of fools

HarryHoskins
04-30-2011, 01:12 AM
There once was a class full of fools
Whose teacher broke all of the rules

Nymtoc
04-30-2011, 03:12 AM
There once was a class full of fools
Whose teacher broke all of the rules
Why teach them to spell?

HarryHoskins
04-30-2011, 04:15 AM
There once was a class full of fools
Whose teacher broke all of the rules
Why teach them to spell?
When marking's such hell

Nymtoc
04-30-2011, 07:19 AM
There once was a class full of fools
Whose teacher broke all of the rules
Why teach them to spell?
When marking's such hell
And they're as receptive as mules.

Thank heaven they're finally wed

HarryHoskins
04-30-2011, 02:26 PM
Thank heaven they're finally wed
Said Lizzie from her marriage bed

Matera the Mad
05-01-2011, 05:46 AM
Thank heaven they're finally wed
Said Lizzie from her marriage bed
If one more day passed

Sir_Nigel
05-04-2011, 02:37 PM
Thank heaven they're finally wed
Said Lizzie from her marriage bed
If one more day passed
I’d be outa here fast

Nymtoc
05-04-2011, 03:58 PM
Thank heaven they're finally wed
Said Lizzie from her marriage bed
If one more day passed
I’d be outa here fast
So we can get on with this thread.

The tulips are blooming. It's May!

Sir_Nigel
05-04-2011, 05:39 PM
The tulips are blooming. It's May!
Let us frolic in meadows of hay

Nymtoc
05-04-2011, 11:33 PM
The tulips are blooming. It's May!
Let us frolic in meadows of hay
Let each lad and lass

Pthom
05-05-2011, 12:27 AM
The tulips are blooming. It's May!
Let us frolic in meadows of hay
Let each lad and lass
Make a mess of the grass

Sir_Nigel
05-05-2011, 12:11 PM
The tulips are blooming. It's May!
Let us frolic in meadows of hay
Let each lad and lass
Make a mess of the grass
and pick up some booze on the way.


He slumped on the sofa and slept

Lavern08
05-05-2011, 06:16 PM
He slumped on the sofa and slept
She bludgeoned his head and then wept

Pthom
05-06-2011, 04:26 AM
He slumped on the sofa and slept
She bludgeoned his head and then wept:
"For such a big bruise

GailD
05-06-2011, 04:36 AM
He slumped on the sofa and slept,
She bludgeoned his head and then wept,
"For such a big bruise
It's the insurance I chose."

Nymtoc
05-06-2011, 06:24 AM
* "Bruise" and "chose" don't rhyme.

He slumped on the sofa and slept,
She bludgeoned his head and then wept,
"For such a big bruise
There's insurance I'll use
At least at that game I'm adept."

Two flies fell in love on a wall

Sir_Nigel
05-06-2011, 02:29 PM
Two flies fell in love on a wall
they ****ed and he promised to call.

HarryHoskins
05-06-2011, 04:58 PM
Two flies fell in love on a wall
they ****ed and he promised to call.
in the post-coital slumber

Lavern08
05-06-2011, 06:11 PM
Two flies fell in love on a wall
they ****ed and he promised to call.
in the post-coital slumber
He barfed on her number

Nymtoc
05-07-2011, 12:24 AM
Two flies fell in love on a wall
they ****ed and he promised to call.
in the post-coital slumber
He barfed on her number
And the slob never called her at all.

One step at a time is the rule

kellysaid
05-07-2011, 01:50 AM
One step at a time is the rule
five paces, pause, pivot, then duel.

iLion
05-07-2011, 02:46 AM
One step at a time is the rule
five paces, pause, pivot, then duel.
Aim at the heart

kellysaid
05-07-2011, 03:20 AM
One step at a time is the rule
five paces, pause, pivot, then duel.
Aim at the heart
then, get the death cart,

Pthom
05-07-2011, 03:32 AM
One step at a time is the rule:
Five paces, pause, pivot, then duel.
Aim at the heart
Then, get the death cart,
'Cause the hearse, it is clean outta fuel!

Oh woe to the limerick poet

iLion
05-07-2011, 03:37 AM
Oh woe to the limerick poet
Who can't mete, but doesn't know it

Nymtoc
05-07-2011, 03:46 AM
Oh woe to the limerick poet
Who can't mete, but doesn't know it
His rhymes are abysmal

HarryHoskins
05-07-2011, 04:31 AM
Oh woe to the limerick poet
Who can't mete, but doesn't know it
His rhymes are abysmal
And his structure is wantonly free form

Nymtoc
05-07-2011, 04:36 AM
Oh woe to the limerick poet
Who can't mete, but doesn't know it
His rhymes are abysmal
And his structure is wantonly free form

Hey, we need a shorter line here, and something to rhyme with "abysmal."

HarryHoskins
05-07-2011, 04:41 AM
Hey, we need a shorter line here, and something to rhyme with "abysmal."

True - I was going amusingly off form there. My apologies. :)

Oh woe to the limerick poet
Who can't mete, but doesn't know it
His rhymes are abysmal
His stanzas are dismal

Matera the Mad
05-07-2011, 04:47 AM
Oh woe to the limerick poet
Who can't mete, but doesn't know it
His rhymes are abysmal
His stanzas are dismal
He'll go down with the boat if he rows it

Good jobs are so scarce in this city

MidlifeMark
05-07-2011, 05:12 AM
Good jobs are so scarce in this city
When one's resume evokes pity

HarryHoskins
05-08-2011, 03:49 AM
Good jobs are so scarce in this city
When one's resume evokes pity
A creative CV

Nymtoc
05-08-2011, 04:49 AM
Good jobs are so scarce in this city
When one's resume evokes pity
A creative CV
Should have some esprit

HarryHoskins
05-08-2011, 05:06 AM
Good jobs are so scarce in this city
When one's resume evokes pity
A creative CV
Should have some esprit
Instead of cribbing Walter Mitty

Nymtoc is the start of this riddle

Nymtoc
05-08-2011, 05:08 AM
Nymtoc is the start of this riddle
How can he swim, playing the fiddle?

MidlifeMark
05-08-2011, 05:29 AM
Nymtoc is the start of this riddle
How can he swim, playing the fiddle?
Does he use it to row

Matera the Mad
05-08-2011, 06:40 AM
Nymtoc is the start of this riddle
How can he swim, playing the fiddle?
Does he use it to row
Or haul it in tow

MidlifeMark
05-08-2011, 03:55 PM
Nymtoc is the start of this riddle
How can he swim, playing the fiddle?
Does he use it to row
Or haul it in tow
Or just keep it tucked in the middle?

My lawn is erupting in green

Nymtoc
05-08-2011, 09:16 PM
My lawn is erupting in green
But the gophers think it's a latrine

HarryHoskins
05-09-2011, 02:37 AM
My lawn is erupting in green
But the gophers think it's a latrine
I have laid a few mines

MidlifeMark
05-09-2011, 03:10 AM
My lawn is erupting in green
But the gophers think it's a latrine
I have laid a few mines
(with the requisite signs)

Sir_Nigel
05-09-2011, 11:55 AM
My lawn is erupting in green
But the gophers think it's a latrine
I have laid a few mines
(with the requisite signs)
There are entrails and gore where they’ve been


By the side of the road stood a cactus

Nymtoc
05-09-2011, 04:36 PM
By the side of the road stood a cactus
And believe it or not, it attacked us

HarryHoskins
05-09-2011, 04:36 PM
By the side of the road stood a cactus
That cowboys often shoot at for practice

By the side of the road stood a cactus
And believe it or not, it attacked us
Its peyote tipped thorns

Nymtoc
05-09-2011, 04:47 PM
By the side of the road stood a cactus
And believe it or not, it attacked us
Its peyote tipped thorns
Were like a bull's horns

Sir_Nigel
05-09-2011, 05:26 PM
By the side of the road stood a cactus
And believe it or not, it attacked us
Its peyote tipped thorns
Were like a bull's horns
‘Ow’ we exclaimed, as it whacked us.


Anxiously turning the key

Underthelivingmoon
05-09-2011, 07:26 PM
Anxiously turning the key
Darkness is all I can see

HarryHoskins
05-09-2011, 07:50 PM
Anxiously turning the key
Darkness is all I can see
A sound from the gloom

iLion
05-09-2011, 08:15 PM
Anxiously turning the key
Darkness is all I can see
A sound from the gloom
Deep moans in the room

Nymtoc
05-09-2011, 09:45 PM
Anxiously turning the key
Darkness is all I can see
A sound from the gloom
Deep moans in the room
All seem to be coming from me!

My thoughts are beginning to drift

HarryHoskins
05-09-2011, 11:27 PM
My thoughts are beginning to drift
Could it be a cognitive shift?

Nymtoc
05-10-2011, 01:41 AM
My thoughts are beginning to drift
Could it be a cognitive shift?
Or is it the beer

HarryHoskins
05-10-2011, 02:29 AM
My thoughts are beginning to drift
Could it be a cognitive shift?
Or is it the beer
That makes my mind veer

Nymtoc
05-10-2011, 04:41 AM
My thoughts are beginning to drift
Could it be a cognitive shift?
Or is it the beer
That makes my mind veer
And imagine I'm Jonathan Swift?

Two goats fell in love with a vole

MidlifeMark
05-10-2011, 07:13 AM
Two goats fell in love with a vole
And followed it home to its hole

Sir_Nigel
05-10-2011, 11:40 AM
Two goats fell in love with a vole
And followed it home to its hole
‘Oh small furry creature’

GailD
05-10-2011, 02:05 PM
Two goats fell in love with a vole
And followed it home to its hole.
'Oh small furry creature'
'Together we're a feature'

Sir_Nigel
05-10-2011, 03:58 PM
Two goats fell in love with a vole
And followed it home to its hole.
'Oh small furry creature'
'Together we're a feature'
But we gotta talk birth control



There was a young girl called Felicity

HarryHoskins
05-10-2011, 04:07 PM
There was a young girl called Felicity
Whose grassy knoll showed some complicity

archerjoe
05-10-2011, 05:12 PM
There was a young girl called Felicity
Whose grassy knoll showed some complicity
No conspiracy here

Matera the Mad
05-10-2011, 07:53 PM
There was a young girl called Felicity
Whose grassy knoll showed some complicity
No conspiracy here
Just a sweet, willing dear

GailD
05-10-2011, 08:01 PM
There was a young girl called Felicity
Whose grassy knoll showed some complicity
No conspiracy here
Just a sweet, willing dear
With a mind empty of all but simplicity.

While walking with my great-aunt Aggie,
__________________

Matera the Mad
05-10-2011, 08:06 PM
While walking with my great-aunt Aggie,
I saw a young man with a baggie

iLion
05-10-2011, 08:31 PM
While walking with my great-aunt Aggie,
I saw a young man with a baggie.
"What have you got?"

Nymtoc
05-10-2011, 08:40 PM
While walking with my great-aunt Aggie,
I saw a young man with a baggie.
"What have you got?"
"Three ounces of pot"

iLion
05-10-2011, 08:50 PM
While walking with my great-aunt Aggie,
I saw a young man with a baggie.
"What have you got?"
"Three ounces of pot"
"Will it help my great-aunt who is saggy?"


She never had done this before

HarryHoskins
05-10-2011, 09:34 PM
She never had done this before
For fear of starting a large war

Nymtoc
05-11-2011, 12:36 AM
She never had done this before
She feared she might start a large war
But being quite bold

HarryHoskins
05-11-2011, 01:15 AM
She never had done this before
She feared she might start a large war
But being quite bold
She broke her own mould

Sir_Nigel
05-11-2011, 11:38 AM
She never had done this before
She feared she might start a large war
But being quite bold
She broke her own mould
So she did it, then did it some more


The colonel looked out over Tripoli

flyingtart
05-11-2011, 02:21 PM
The colonel looked out over Tripoli
Saying, "These army boots will near cripple me!"

HarryHoskins
05-11-2011, 03:01 PM
The colonel looked out over Tripoli
Saying, "These army boots will near cripple me!"
So he found some flip-flops

Sir_Nigel
05-11-2011, 06:07 PM
The colonel looked out over Tripoli
Saying, "These army boots will near cripple me!"
So he found some flip-flops
whilst browsing hip shops

HarryHoskins
05-11-2011, 06:11 PM
The colonel looked out over Tripoli
Saying, "These army boots will near cripple me!"
So he found some flip-flops
whilst browsing hip shops
And now he has footwear that's slippery.

They said it could never be done

flyingtart
05-11-2011, 06:38 PM
They said it could never be done
But he thought he'd try it for fun

GailD
05-11-2011, 06:46 PM
They said it could never be done
But he thought he'd try it for fun
Too late, he cried, 'wait'

HarryHoskins
05-11-2011, 08:58 PM
They said it could never be done
But he thought he'd try it for fun
Too late, he cried, 'wait'
'This can't be my fate'

flyingtart
05-11-2011, 11:13 PM
They said it could never be done
But he thought he'd try it for fun
Too late, he cried, 'wait'
'This can't be my fate
I'd rather poach eggs in the sun!"


That last line was hopeless, I fear

Nymtoc
05-12-2011, 12:46 AM
That last line was hopeless, I fear
But lately, my thoughts are quite queer

HarryHoskins
05-12-2011, 01:47 AM
That last line was hopeless, I fear
But lately, my thoughts are quite queer
Will I pull it together

GailD
05-12-2011, 02:17 AM
That last line was hopeless, I fear
But lately, my thoughts are quite queer
Will I pull it together
With rope, line or tether

HarryHoskins
05-12-2011, 03:21 AM
That last line was hopeless, I fear
But lately, my thoughts are quite queer
Will I pull it together
With rope, line or tether
Or will I make things more unclear?

The sailor went down to the docks

Nymtoc
05-12-2011, 03:42 AM
The sailor went down to the docks
Where floozies were waiting in flocks

GailD
05-12-2011, 04:20 AM
The sailor went down to the docks
Where floozies were waiting in flocks
Their goods they displayed

Sir_Nigel
05-12-2011, 11:57 AM
The sailor went down to the docks
Where floozies were waiting in flocks
Their goods they displayed
when sixpence was paid

flyingtart
05-12-2011, 12:38 PM
The sailor went down to the docks
Where floozies were waiting in flocks
Their goods they displayed
when sixpence was paid
But none of them looked like a fox.


Poor Fergie complained on TV

Sir_Nigel
05-12-2011, 01:25 PM
Poor Fergie complained on TV
‘Oh why wouldn’t they want to see me ??? ‘

GailD
05-12-2011, 01:53 PM
Poor Fergie complained on TV
‘Oh why wouldn’t they want to see me ??? ‘
To Oprah I confessed

Nymtoc
05-12-2011, 02:00 PM
Poor Fergie complained on TV
‘Oh why wouldn’t they want to see me ??
To Oprah I confessed
I'm hurt and distressed

HarryHoskins
05-12-2011, 03:43 PM
Poor Fergie complained on TV
‘Oh why wouldn’t they want to see me ??
To Oprah I confessed
I'm hurt and distressed
To hell with the royal family!

I think there's a gap in the market

flyingtart
05-12-2011, 04:06 PM
I think there's a gap in the market
For a romance that's moody and dark, it

Sir_Nigel
05-12-2011, 04:23 PM
I think there's a gap in the market
for a romance that's moody and dark, it
has Shatneresque prose

GailD
05-12-2011, 04:55 PM
I think there's a gap in the market
for a romance that's moody and dark, it
has Shatneresque prose
naked nubiles to pose

Sir_Nigel
05-12-2011, 05:41 PM
I think there's a gap in the market
for a romance that's moody and dark, it
has Shatneresque prose
naked nubiles to pose
Yea spurn not this missive but hark it.

Dave, Dozy, Beaky and Titch

HarryHoskins
05-12-2011, 06:39 PM
Dave, Dozy, Beaky and Titch
Were crazy in love with Mitch

flyingtart
05-12-2011, 07:06 PM
Dave, Dozy, Beaky and Titch
Were crazy in love with Mitch
But the hapless Dave Dee

GailD
05-12-2011, 08:18 PM
Dave, Dozy, Beaky and Titch
Were crazy in love with Mitch
But the hapless Dave Dee
Said, 'You can't romance me'

HarryHoskins
05-12-2011, 08:56 PM
Dave, Dozy, Beaky and Titch
Were crazy in love with Mitch
But the hapless Dave Dee
Said, 'You can't romance me'
And went on tour with a witch.

There's trouble ahead said the king

iLion
05-12-2011, 09:13 PM
There's trouble ahead said the king
There are spots on his highnesses thing.

HarryHoskins
05-12-2011, 09:16 PM
There's trouble ahead said the king
There are spots on his highnesses thing.
We need a physician fast!

GailD
05-12-2011, 09:26 PM
There's trouble ahead said the king
There are spots on his highnesses thing.
We need a physician fast!
Who can put it in a cast

archerjoe
05-12-2011, 09:38 PM
There's trouble ahead said the king
There are spots on his highnesses thing.
We need a physician fast!
Who can put it in a cast
In time for a scandalous fling

Her lady-in-waiting said "Fie!"

flyingtart
05-12-2011, 09:40 PM
Her lady-in-waiting said "Fie!"
And wished she could lay down and die

HarryHoskins
05-12-2011, 10:53 PM
Her lady-in-waiting said "Fie!"
And wished she could lay down and die
For the corset was tight

Pthom
05-13-2011, 02:11 AM
Her lady-in-waiting said "Fie!"
And wished she could lay down and die
For the corset was tight
And all through the night,

HarryHoskins
05-13-2011, 03:10 AM
Her lady-in-waiting said "Fie!"
And wished she could lay down and die
For the corset was tight
And all through the night,
Her breathing came from near her thigh.

The plan had already been drawn

Pthom
05-13-2011, 09:26 AM
The plan had already been drawn
And the bound'ries marked out on the lawn

flyingtart
05-13-2011, 12:23 PM
The plan had already been drawn
And the bound'ries marked out on the lawn
When along came a lass

Sir_Nigel
05-13-2011, 02:10 PM
The plan had already been drawn
And the bound'ries marked out on the lawn
When along came a lass
who lay on the grass

HarryHoskins
05-13-2011, 02:33 PM
The plan had already been drawn
And the bound'ries marked out on the lawn
When along came a lass
who lay on the grass
And showed the knights bishop her pawn.

It is possible that it might rain

flyingtart
05-13-2011, 03:35 PM
It is possible that it might rain
If it does there is one thing quite plain

archerjoe
05-13-2011, 04:27 PM
It is possible that it might rain
If it does there is one thing quite plain
If you live in Madrid

GailD
05-13-2011, 04:47 PM
It is possible that it might rain
If it does there is one thing quite plain
If you live in Madrid
Like the Flyingtart did

HarryHoskins
05-13-2011, 06:57 PM
It is possible that it might rain
If it does there is one thing quite plain
If you live in Madrid
Like the Flyingtart did
It will mainly be falling in Spain.

The man had lost all of his hair

Nymtoc
05-13-2011, 08:04 PM
The man had lost all of his hair
The result, he said, of a great scare

flyingtart
05-13-2011, 08:13 PM
The man had lost all of his hair
The result, he said, of a great scare
He came home late from work

iLion
05-13-2011, 08:20 PM
The man had lost all of his hair
The result, he said, of a great scare
He came home late from work
In his place was a Turk

GailD
05-13-2011, 08:27 PM
The man had lost all of his hair
The result, he said, of a great scare
He came home late from work
In his place was a Turk
And his wife, like his head, was bare.

While out walking with my uncle Jim,

HarryHoskins
05-13-2011, 08:27 PM
While out walking with my uncle Jim,
We ran into the great Anne Boleyn

flyingtart
05-13-2011, 09:30 PM
While out walking with my uncle Jim,
We ran into the great Anne Boleyn
"Do tell us," said she

Pthom
05-13-2011, 09:33 PM
While out walking with my uncle Jim,
We ran into the great Anne Boleyn
"Do tell us," said she
"Are the hatchets here free?

HarryHoskins
05-13-2011, 10:49 PM
While out walking with my uncle Jim,
We ran into the great Anne Boleyn
"Do tell us," said she
"Are the hatchets here free?
For my spouse wants to sever something.

Pray tell, what is that thing on your face?

flyingtart
05-13-2011, 10:55 PM
Pray tell, what is that thing on your face,
All covered in muslin and lace?

HarryHoskins
05-13-2011, 11:28 PM
Pray tell, what is that thing on your face,
All covered in muslin and lace?
It looks like a doily

GailD
05-14-2011, 05:42 PM
Pray tell, what is that thing on your face,
All covered in muslin and lace?
It looks like a doily
Odd-shaped and oily

flyingtart
05-14-2011, 06:50 PM
Pray tell, what is that thing on your face,
All covered in muslin and lace?
It looks like a doily
Odd-shaped and oily
I'd get it checked out, just in case.


Fort Lauderdale's the place to go

GailD
05-14-2011, 08:46 PM
Fort Lauderdale's the place to go
When you've got boobs and buns to show

Nymtoc
05-14-2011, 10:09 PM
Fort Lauderdale's the place to go
When you've got boobs and buns to show
But if you're a troll

HarryHoskins
05-14-2011, 11:01 PM
Fort Lauderdale's the place to go
When you've got boobs and buns to show
But if you're a troll
get back to your hole

GailD
05-15-2011, 03:24 AM
Fort Lauderdale's the place to go
When you've got boobs and buns to show
But if you're a troll
get back to your hole
Spring break is for babes, don'tya know?



There was a young lady named Myrtle

HarryHoskins
05-15-2011, 03:40 AM
There was a young lady named Myrtle
Whose fate was entwined with a turtle

archerjoe
05-15-2011, 06:44 AM
There was a young lady named Myrtle
Whose fate was entwined with a turtle
She came out of her shell

flyingtart
05-15-2011, 11:24 AM
There was a young lady named Myrtle
Whose fate was entwined with a turtle
She came out of her shell
And clearly raised hell

GailD
05-15-2011, 01:58 PM
There was a young lady named Myrtle
Whose fate was entwined with a turtle
She came out of her shell
And clearly raised hell
Then found that the turtle was fertile.

A girl who weighed many an ounce

flyingtart
05-15-2011, 03:38 PM
A girl who weighed many an ounce
Was given to pulling a flounce

Nymtoc
05-16-2011, 01:01 AM
A girl who weighed many an ounce
Was given to pulling a flounce
They say she would try

HarryHoskins
05-16-2011, 02:04 AM
A girl who weighed many an ounce
Was given to pulling a flounce
They say she would try
To scoff lemon pie

flyingtart
05-16-2011, 03:49 PM
A girl who weighed many an ounce
Was given to pulling a flounce
They say she would try
To scoff lemon pie
Whilst wearing too-tight ballroom gowns (sorry!)


He took his vacation in Chile

Nymtoc
05-16-2011, 03:55 PM
He took his vacation in Chile
And hoped to make use of his willy