PDA

View Full Version : Limericks Live!



Pages : 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 [64] 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90

Nymtoc
03-08-2011, 07:27 AM
A young bronco rider named Dusty
Had hand-me-down spurs that were rusty
But on a bronc's back

Sir_Nigel
03-08-2011, 12:58 PM
A young bronco rider named Dusty
Had hand-me-down spurs that were rusty
But on a bronc's back
he developed a knack

flyingtart
03-08-2011, 02:11 PM
A young bronco rider named Dusty
Had hand-me-down spurs that were rusty
But on a bronc's back
he developed a knack
Which made his old bronc feel quite lusty


She fancied a pair of high heels

Sir_Nigel
03-08-2011, 03:08 PM
She fancied a pair of high heels
but too many takeaway meals

Nymtoc
03-08-2011, 08:36 PM
She fancied a pair of high heels
but too many takeaway meals
Had made her so fat

iLion
03-08-2011, 09:20 PM
She fancied a pair of high heels
but too many takeaway meals
Had made her so fat
They fell down quite flat

MidlifeMark
03-09-2011, 06:06 AM
She fancied a pair of high heels
but too many takeaway meals
Had made her so fat
They fell down quite flat
And let out some loud porcine squeals.

My garage is a pile of rubble

Sir_Nigel
03-09-2011, 04:43 PM
My garage is a pile of rubble
And my dinghy just sank hubble bubble

flyingtart
03-09-2011, 04:54 PM
My garage is a pile of rubble
And my dinghy just sank hubble bubble
I wish I could swim

Nymtoc
03-09-2011, 04:57 PM
My garage is a pile of rubble
And my dinghy just sank hubble bubble
I wish I could swim
My future looks grim

Sir_Nigel
03-09-2011, 06:01 PM
My garage is a pile of rubble
And my dinghy just sank hubble bubble
I wish I could swim
My future looks grim
I am garageless, wet and in trouble.


But Hark - for my saviour is nigh

flyingtart
03-09-2011, 06:40 PM
But Hark - for my saviour is nigh
He descends like a bird from the sky

Sir_Nigel
03-09-2011, 06:49 PM
But Hark - for my saviour is nigh
He descends like a bird from the sky
to salvage my bacon

Nymtoc
03-09-2011, 08:27 PM
But Hark - for my saviour is nigh
He descends like a bird from the sky
to salvage my bacon
I shan't be forsaken!

flyingtart
03-09-2011, 10:35 PM
But Hark - for my saviour is nigh
He descends like a bird from the sky
to salvage my bacon
I shan't be forsaken!
But what is that glint in his eye?


"Vote for me!" the candidate cried

Lavern08
03-09-2011, 10:44 PM
"Vote for me!" the candidate cried
The minute he opened his mouth, he lied.

Nymtoc
03-10-2011, 12:14 AM
"Vote for me!" the candidate cried
The minute he said it, he lied. (*too many syllables before)
But voters were dumb

flyingtart
03-10-2011, 01:12 PM
"Vote for me!" the candidate cried
The minute he said it, he lied.
But voters were dumb
Especially some

Sir_Nigel
03-10-2011, 02:36 PM
"Vote for me!" the candidate cried
The minute he said it, he lied.
But voters were dumb
Especially some
who elected him after he died.

You never know what you might get

archerjoe
03-10-2011, 05:51 PM
You never know what you might get
With a wolverine for a pet

flyingtart
03-10-2011, 06:50 PM
You never know what you might get
With a wolverine for a pet
They crap on the floor

iLion
03-10-2011, 08:05 PM
You never know what you might get
With a wolverine for a pet
They crap on the floor
And leak on the door

MidlifeMark
03-11-2011, 01:55 AM
You never know what you might get
With a wolverine for a pet
They crap on the floor
And leak on the door
And rip off the lip of your vet.

A dog makes a stellar companion

Nymtoc
03-11-2011, 09:52 AM
A dog makes a stellar companion
I used to have one called O'Banyon

Sir_Nigel
03-11-2011, 12:30 PM
A dog makes a stellar companion
I used to have one called O'Banyon
‘O’Banyon!’ I’d hollar

flyingtart
03-11-2011, 01:22 PM
A dog makes a stellar companion
I used to have one called O'Banyon
‘O’Banyon!’ I’d hollar
While grasping his collar

Sir_Nigel
03-11-2011, 01:52 PM
A dog makes a stellar companion
I used to have one called O'Banyon
‘O’Banyon!’ I’d hollar
While grasping his collar
‘Don’t plunge to your doom in that canyon’


You yodel so loudly she said

flyingtart
03-11-2011, 03:01 PM
You yodel so loudly she said
It's makes your face swell and go red

Sir_Nigel
03-11-2011, 05:02 PM
You yodel so loudly she said
It's makes your face swell and go red
and your poor schtrumpfenschlonger

iLion
03-11-2011, 06:29 PM
You yodel so loudly she said
It's makes your face swell and go red
and your poor schtrumpfenschlonger
Gets longer and longer

MidlifeMark
03-11-2011, 06:31 PM
You yodel so loudly she said
It makes your face swell and go red
and your poor schtrumpfenschlonger
Gets longer and longer
And grows its own arms, legs, and head.

The dutiful duchess of Saxony

Sir_Nigel
03-11-2011, 06:54 PM
The dutiful duchess of Saxony
had a voice which was strident and Klaxony

flyingtart
03-11-2011, 07:03 PM
The dutiful duchess of Saxony
had a voice which was strident and Klaxony
So her clever spouse

MidlifeMark
03-11-2011, 08:17 PM
The dutiful duchess of Saxony
had a voice which was strident and Klaxony
So her clever spouse
He sound-proofed their house

Nymtoc
03-12-2011, 03:27 AM
The dutiful duchess of Saxony
had a voice which was strident and Klaxony
So her clever spouse
He sound-proofed their house
But she still doesn't sound Janet Jacksony.

My neighbor's as weird as can be

MidlifeMark
03-12-2011, 08:23 AM
My neighbor's as weird as can be
He sleeps in the crotch of a tree

JohnL
03-12-2011, 09:18 AM
My neighbor's as weird as can be
He sleeps in the crotch of a tree
One night he fell down

flyingtart
03-12-2011, 03:19 PM
My neighbor's as weird as can be
He sleeps in the crotch of a tree
One night he fell down
And said with a frown

Nymtoc
03-12-2011, 10:27 PM
My neighbor's as weird as can be
He sleeps in the crotch of a tree
One night he fell down
And said with a frown,
"My neck's broke, and so is my knee."

My cousin's enormously rich

flyingtart
03-12-2011, 10:49 PM
My cousin's enormously rich
And his wife is a gold digging bitch

JohnL
03-13-2011, 08:55 AM
My cousin's enormously rich
And his wife is a gold digging bitch
but every night they complain

Nymtoc
03-13-2011, 09:06 AM
My cousin's enormously rich
And his wife is a gold digging bitch
but each night they complain (*there was an extra syllable in the line)
Their lifestyle's too plain

flyingtart
03-13-2011, 02:34 PM
My cousin's enormously rich
And his wife is a gold digging bitch
but each night they complain
Their lifestyle's too plain
So everyone's life has a hitch


Old Aesop was telling a story

Nymtoc
03-13-2011, 10:23 PM
Old Aesop was telling a story
Of a sly fox approaching his quarry

Matera the Mad
03-14-2011, 08:48 AM
Old Aesop was telling a story
Of a sly fox approaching his quarry
He got to the part

flyingtart
03-14-2011, 01:09 PM
Old Aesop was telling a story
Of a sly fox approaching his quarry
He got to the part
Where he went for the heart

Sir_Nigel
03-14-2011, 01:10 PM
Old Aesop was telling a story
Of a sly fox approaching his quarry
He got to the part
with the one eyed French tart

Meaney
03-14-2011, 06:22 PM
Old Aesop was telling a story
Of a sly fox approaching his quarry
He got to the part
with the one eyed French tart
but halted before it got gory.

Avast, ye land lubbers. Avast!

Nymtoc
03-14-2011, 08:13 PM
Avast, ye land lubbers. Avast!
Make haste! Get away from the mast!

iLion
03-15-2011, 04:34 AM
Avast, ye land lubbers. Avast!
Make haste! Get away from the mast!
The mainstay has broke

archerjoe
03-15-2011, 05:53 AM
Avast, ye land lubbers. Avast!
Make haste! Get away from the mast!
The mainstay has broke
And nary a bloke

RIFF
03-15-2011, 12:03 PM
Avast, ye land lubbers. Avast!
Make haste! Get away from the mast!
The mainstay has broke
And nary a bloke
has duct tape, the stupid bast-*

There's nobody here but us cows

Sir_Nigel
03-15-2011, 12:50 PM
There's nobody here but us cows
we are here to cavort and carouse

flyingtart
03-15-2011, 02:02 PM
There's nobody here but us cows
we are here to cavort and carouse
The noise that we make

Sir_Nigel
03-15-2011, 03:01 PM
There's nobody here but us cows
we are here to cavort and carouse
The noise that we make
when we’re made into steak

flyingtart
03-15-2011, 03:17 PM
There's nobody here but us cows
we are here to cavort and carouse
The noise that we make
when we’re made into steak
Would stiffen the hairs on a louse


She danced like a demon possessed

RIFF
03-15-2011, 04:40 PM
She danced like a demon possessed
her feet became rather distressed

flyingtart
03-15-2011, 09:03 PM
She danced like a demon possessed
her feet became rather distressed
So she lay on the floor

MidlifeMark
03-16-2011, 04:44 AM
She danced like a demon possessed
her feet became rather distressed
So she lay on the floor
While the crowd clamored "More!"

JohnL
03-16-2011, 07:37 AM
She danced like a demon possessed
her feet became rather distressed
So she lay on the floor
While the crowd clamored "More!"
Who's to blame for such civil unrest?


My uncle once owned a fine comb

Sir_Nigel
03-16-2011, 12:43 PM
My uncle once owned a fine comb
but was cursed with a pink shiny dome

flyingtart
03-16-2011, 02:12 PM
My uncle once owned a fine comb
but was cursed with a pink shiny dome
So he bought patent cure

Sir_Nigel
03-16-2011, 02:55 PM
My uncle once owned a fine comb
but was cursed with a pink shiny dome
So he bought patent cure
made of donkey manure

flyingtart
03-16-2011, 03:50 PM
My uncle once owned a fine comb
but was cursed with a pink shiny dome
So he bought patent cure
made of donkey manure
And has ten million flies in his home.


Feeling desperate he bought a wig

Sir_Nigel
03-16-2011, 04:02 PM
Feeling desperate he bought a wig
which he wore to Motorhead gig

flyingtart
03-16-2011, 09:00 PM
Feeling desperate he bought a wig
which he wore to Motorhead gig
When Lemmy came on

Sir_Nigel
03-17-2011, 12:55 PM
Feeling desperate he bought a wig
which he wore to Motorhead gig
When Lemmy came on
with Simon le Bon

flyingtart
03-17-2011, 01:45 PM
Feeling desperate he bought a wig
which he wore to Motorhead gig
When Lemmy came on
with Simon le Bon
They shouted "He looks like a pig!"

(For St Patrick's Day)
Well, top o' the mornin' to you!

Sir_Nigel
03-17-2011, 03:30 PM
Well, top o' the mornin' to you!
with yer shamrock and Brian Boru

archerjoe
03-17-2011, 06:10 PM
Well, top o' the mornin' to you!
with yer shamrock and Brian Boru
We're all Irish today

flyingtart
03-17-2011, 06:28 PM
Well, top o' the mornin' to you!
with yer shamrock and Brian Boru
We're all Irish today
So we'll blarney away

Nymtoc
03-17-2011, 07:09 PM
Well, top o' the mornin' to you!
with yer shamrock and Brian Boru
We're all Irish today
So we'll blarney away
And bring a shillelagh or two.

Saint Pat chased the serpents away

archerjoe
03-18-2011, 05:38 AM
Saint Pat chased the serpents away
And not one's been seen to this day

RIFF
03-18-2011, 07:26 AM
Saint Pat chased the serpents away
And not one's been seen to this day
but deep underground

Nymtoc
03-18-2011, 08:23 AM
Saint Pat chased the serpents away
And not one's been seen to this day
but deep underground
They slither around

Sir_Nigel
03-18-2011, 12:55 PM
Saint Pat chased the serpents away
And not one's been seen to this day
but deep underground
They slither around.

Couldn’t decide between:

like a sweaty man’s nylon toupee.

There’s a cunning snake plot underway

In the dank, deep darkness they lay.




Oh look there’s a hole in my sock

RIFF
03-18-2011, 01:09 PM
Oh look there’s a hole in my sock
Wrote Nigel, who had writer's block

flyingtart
03-18-2011, 01:58 PM
Oh look there’s a hole in my sock
Wrote Nigel, who had writer's block
He searched for some wool

Sir_Nigel
03-18-2011, 02:53 PM
Oh look there’s a hole in my sock
Wrote Nigel, who had writer's block
He searched for some wool
(as the rhyme was so dull)

Nymtoc
03-18-2011, 04:45 PM
Oh look there’s a hole in my sock
Wrote Nigel, who had writer's block
He searched for some wool
(as the rhyme was so dull)
And now he mends socks 'round the clock.

Why won't someone publish my book?

Sir_Nigel
03-18-2011, 05:16 PM
Why won't someone publish my book?
It’s a tale of a skateboarding duck

flyingtart
03-18-2011, 06:44 PM
Why won't someone publish my book?
It’s a tale of a skateboarding duck
The agents all say

Matera the Mad
03-18-2011, 07:23 PM
Why won't someone publish my book?
It’s a tale of a skateboarding duck
The agents all say
That if they had their way

iLion
03-18-2011, 08:09 PM
Why won't someone publish my book?
It’s a tale of a skateboarding duck
The agents all say
That if they had their way
They'd ban me forever... I suck.

I'm a genius and everyone knows it

Nymtoc
03-18-2011, 08:40 PM
I'm a genius and everyone knows it
Each word of my unpublished works shows it

iLion
03-18-2011, 09:13 PM
I'm a genius and everyone knows it
Each word of my unpublished works shows it
I'm clever and witty

Lavern08
03-18-2011, 09:22 PM
I'm a genius and everyone knows it
Each word of my unpublished works shows it
I'm clever and witty
I don't want your pity



(I'm really glad I got here first, or this could have gotten vulgar) :)

archerjoe
03-18-2011, 09:34 PM
I'm a genius and everyone knows it
Each word of my unpublished works shows it
I'm clever and witty
I don't want your pity
Let's all drink to me: Salud! Skoal! Prosit!

archerjoe
03-18-2011, 09:35 PM
Some limericks are bawdy as heck

Lavern08
03-18-2011, 09:46 PM
Some limericks are bawdy as heck
And some are a pain in the neck

flyingtart
03-18-2011, 11:13 PM
Some limericks are bawdy as heck
And some are a pain in the neck
But rhymes that are lewd

Nymtoc
03-19-2011, 12:07 AM
Some limericks are bawdy as heck
And some are a pain in the neck
But rhymes that are lewd
Must all be eschewed

MidlifeMark
03-19-2011, 03:20 AM
Some limericks are bawdy as heck
And some are a pain in the neck
But rhymes that are lewd
Must all be eschewed
In those countries where laws so direct.

I once ate my breakfast for dinner

archerjoe
03-19-2011, 04:04 AM
I once ate my breakfast for dinner
Like Charlie, I felt like a winner

flyingtart
03-19-2011, 02:19 PM
I once ate my breakfast for dinner
Like Charlie, I felt like a winner
But stale Sugar Puffs

RIFF
03-19-2011, 02:32 PM
I once ate my breakfast for dinner
Like Charlie, I felt like a winner
But stale Sugar Puffs
like moldy rebuffs

MidlifeMark
03-19-2011, 07:41 PM
I once ate my breakfast for dinner
Like Charlie, I felt like a winner
But stale Sugar Puffs
like moldy rebuffs
Will not help me get any thinner.

In China, they do it for chili

iLion
03-19-2011, 08:04 PM
In China, they do it for chili
In Chile they do it for France

Nymtoc
03-19-2011, 08:46 PM
Hey, iLion, that's a clever idea, but there's no way "chili" can rhyme with "France." :D

In China they do it for chili
Though some people say that's too silly

flyingtart
03-19-2011, 10:25 PM
In China they do it for chili
Though some people say that's too silly
For hot peppered spice

Pthom
03-19-2011, 10:31 PM
In China they do it for chili
Though some people say that's too silly
For hot peppered spice
Is never as nice

flyingtart
03-20-2011, 01:06 AM
In China they do it for chili
Though some people say that's too silly
For hot peppered spice
Is never as nice
As a hot Chinese babe on one's willy


Excuse me while I go and chunder

RIFF
03-20-2011, 02:54 AM
Excuse me while I go and chunder
haggis for lunch was really a blunder

archerjoe
03-20-2011, 04:07 AM
Excuse me while I go and chunder
haggis for lunch was really a blunder
Six pints of strong ale

flyingtart
03-20-2011, 02:28 PM
Excuse me while I go and chunder
haggis for lunch was really a blunder
Six pints of strong ale
Will send me to jail

archerjoe
03-20-2011, 08:58 PM
Excuse me while I go and chunder
haggis for lunch was really a blunder
Six pints of strong ale
Will send me to jail
While tearing my innards asunder

My girlfriend is such a coquette

Sir_Nigel
03-21-2011, 12:46 PM
My girlfriend is such a coquette
with her fan and her ornate lorgnette

RIFF
03-21-2011, 01:00 PM
My girlfriend is such a coquette
with her fan and her ornate lorgnette
But I'm dumping her

flyingtart
03-21-2011, 01:36 PM
My girlfriend is such a coquette
with her fan and her ornate lorgnette
But I'm dumping her
Which may cause a stir

Sir_Nigel
03-21-2011, 02:14 PM
My girlfriend is such a coquette
with her fan and her ornate lorgnette
But I'm dumping her
which may cause a stir
for another (whose T shirt is wet)


He silently tiptoed away

flyingtart
03-21-2011, 03:32 PM
He silently tiptoed away
Hoping she'd have nothing to say

archerjoe
03-21-2011, 04:14 PM
He silently tiptoed away
Hoping she'd have nothing to say
She found this quite rude

Sir_Nigel
03-21-2011, 05:31 PM
He silently tiptoed away
Hoping she'd have nothing to say
She found this quite rude
lying there in the nude

flyingtart
03-21-2011, 06:53 PM
He silently tiptoed away
Hoping she'd have nothing to say
She found this quite rude
lying there in the nude
And the rat never offered to pay!


When Dolores was shopping for bling

iLion
03-21-2011, 08:22 PM
When Dolores was shopping for bling
She had gone without wearing a thing

flyingtart
03-21-2011, 11:00 PM
When Dolores was shopping for bling
She had gone without wearing a thing
The staff in the store

RIFF
03-22-2011, 08:57 AM
When Dolores was shopping for bling
She had gone without wearing a thing
The staff in the store
ran straight out the door

Sir_Nigel
03-22-2011, 12:32 PM
When Dolores was shopping for bling
She had gone without wearing a thing
The staff in the store
ran straight out the door
This chick was a long way from Spring

But one fellow offered a hand

archerjoe
03-22-2011, 04:57 PM
But one fellow offered a hand
"I'd like it if you'd join my band'

Lavern08
03-22-2011, 06:11 PM
But one fellow offered a hand
"I'd like it if you'd join my band'
"But sir, I can't sing"

Sir_Nigel
03-22-2011, 06:57 PM
But one fellow offered a hand
"I'd like it if you'd join my band'
"But sir, I can't sing
but boy do I swing"

Nymtoc
03-22-2011, 09:42 PM
But one fellow offered a hand
"I'd like it if you'd join my band'
"But sir, I can't sing
but boy do I swing"
So she joined. They're booked throughout the land.

The worst you can say about Annie

iLion
03-22-2011, 09:45 PM
The worst you can say about Annie
Is the size of her humongous fannie

Lavern08
03-22-2011, 11:45 PM
The worst you can say about Annie
Is the size of her humongous fannie
She's got junk in her trunk

archerjoe
03-23-2011, 04:01 AM
The worst you can say about Annie
Is the size of her humongous fannie
She's got junk in her trunk
But her underwear shrunk

MidlifeMark
03-23-2011, 04:07 AM
The worst you can say about Annie
Is the size of her humongous fannie
She's got junk in her trunk
But her underwear shrunk
Now she models G-strings for Armani.

A goose makes a horrible pet

Sir_Nigel
03-23-2011, 02:19 PM
A goose makes a horrible pet
a gander is what you should get

flyingtart
03-23-2011, 02:51 PM
A goose makes a horrible pet
a gander is what you should get
To prove my point

Sir_Nigel
03-23-2011, 03:45 PM
A goose makes a horrible pet
a gander is what you should get
To prove my point
I’ll finish this joint

Nymtoc
03-23-2011, 07:35 PM
A goose makes a horrible pet
a gander is what you should get
To prove my point
I’ll finish this joint
My gander just brought from Tibet.

You don't know the trouble I've seen.

flyingtart
03-23-2011, 08:25 PM
You don't know the trouble I've seen.
Like the time when my buttocks turned green

iLion
03-23-2011, 08:37 PM
You don't know the trouble I've seen.
Like the time when my buttocks turned green.
I guess it was envy

Lavern08
03-24-2011, 12:05 AM
You don't know the trouble I've seen.
Like the time when my buttocks turned green.
I guess it was envy
Who knew it was in me?

Sir_Nigel
03-24-2011, 12:57 PM
You don't know the trouble I've seen.
Like the time when my buttocks turned green.
I guess it was envy
Who knew it was in me?
That’s partying chez Charlie Sheen


Cooee! cried the large Brontesaurus

Nymtoc
03-24-2011, 04:05 PM
Cooee! cried the large Brontesaurus
There goes that hot Stegasaur Doris

flyingtart
03-24-2011, 07:55 PM
Cooee! cried the large Brontesaurus
There goes that hot Stegasaur Doris
Her well sculpted thigh

iLion
03-24-2011, 09:18 PM
Cooee! cried the large Brontesaurus
There goes that hot Stegasaur Doris
Her well sculpted thigh
Displays a third eye

Sir_Nigel
03-25-2011, 12:54 PM
Cooee! cried the large Brontesaurus
There goes that hot Stegasaur Doris
Her well sculpted thigh
Displays a third eye
and that’s how she suddenly saw us.


He was wondering where to begin

flyingtart
03-25-2011, 02:36 PM
He was wondering where to begin
And suspected his premise was thin

Sir_Nigel
03-25-2011, 04:52 PM
He was wondering where to begin
And suspected his premise was thin
So he rogered a strumpet

iLion
03-25-2011, 08:16 PM
He was wondering where to begin
And suspected his premise was thin
So he rogered a strumpet
While eating a crumpet

Nymtoc
03-25-2011, 09:38 PM
He was wondering where to begin
And suspected his premise was thin
So he rogered a strumpet
While eating a crumpet
And washing it down with sloe gin.

Amanda wore jewelry galore

flyingtart
03-25-2011, 11:08 PM
Amanda wore jewelry galore
And blokes mistook her for a whore

Lavern08
03-25-2011, 11:24 PM
Amanda wore jewelry galore
And blokes mistook her for a whore
Embarrassed was she

RIFF
03-26-2011, 02:58 AM
Amanda wore jewelry galore
And blokes mistook her for a whore
Embarrassed was she
cos' she did it for free

Matera the Mad
03-26-2011, 06:31 AM
Amanda wore jewelry galore
And blokes mistook her for a whore
Embarrassed was she cos' she did it for free
And everyone came back for more

My Significant Other was worried

flyingtart
03-26-2011, 02:10 PM
My Significant Other was worried
Someone knew where the body was buried

Lavern08
03-26-2011, 06:33 PM
My Significant Other was worried
Someone knew where the body was buried
So we moved it last night

flyingtart
03-27-2011, 03:13 PM
My Significant Other was worried
Someone knew where the body was buried
So we moved it last night
But we sure got a fright

MidlifeMark
03-27-2011, 04:45 PM
My Significant Other was worried
Someone knew where the body was buried
So we moved it last night
But we sure got a fright
And our subsequent coupling was hurried.

An elliptical Martian named Zug

iLion
03-27-2011, 08:50 PM
An elliptical Martian named Zug
Wanted Zelda to give it a tug

flyingtart
03-27-2011, 09:48 PM
An elliptical Martian named Zug
Wanted Zelda to give it a tug
But his shocking request

archerjoe
03-28-2011, 12:30 AM
An elliptical Martian named Zug
Wanted Zelda to give it a tug
But his shocking request
Left Zelda obsessed

Nymtoc
03-28-2011, 03:23 AM
An elliptical Martian named Zug
Wanted Zelda to give it a tug
But his shocking request
Left Zelda obsessed
In her dreams she gives Zuggy a hug.

"I'm joining the circus," said Sonny

iLion
03-28-2011, 04:28 AM
"I'm joining the circus," said Sonny,
"And don't care if I ever make money."

archerjoe
03-28-2011, 05:24 AM
"I'm joining the circus," said Sonny,
"And don't care if I ever make money."
"I'm a one-man freak show"

Sir_Nigel
03-28-2011, 11:39 AM
"I'm joining the circus," said Sonny,
"And don't care if I ever make money."
"I'm a one-man freak show
- I have three ****s, you know"

flyingtart
03-28-2011, 02:08 PM
"I'm joining the circus," said Sonny,
"And don't care if I ever make money."
"I'm a one-man freak show
- I have three ****s, you know"
And my bowel movements smell like honey!


He played the pink oboe for fun

Nymtoc
03-28-2011, 07:11 PM
He played the pink oboe for fun
The sound made most listeners run.

flyingtart
03-28-2011, 11:57 PM
He played the pink oboe for fun
The sound made most listeners run.
And when it came to Liszt

archerjoe
03-29-2011, 07:04 AM
He played the pink oboe for fun
The sound made most listeners run.
And when it came to Liszt
He encountered a fist

Nymtoc
03-29-2011, 07:34 AM
He played the pink oboe for fun
The sound made most listeners run.
And when it came to Liszt
He encountered a fist
And with Bach he encountered a gun.

Bernard was a consummate liar

Sir_Nigel
03-29-2011, 12:25 PM
Bernard was a consummate liar
‘I’m the king!’ he declared, ‘Call me Sire’

flyingtart
03-29-2011, 12:55 PM
Bernard was a consummate liar
‘I’m the king!’ he declared, ‘Call me Sire’
But his cheap paper crown

Sir_Nigel
03-29-2011, 04:18 PM
Bernard was a consummate liar
‘I’m the king!’ he declared, ‘Call me Sire’
But his cheap paper crown
let his subterfuge down

flyingtart
03-29-2011, 05:59 PM
Bernard was a consummate liar
‘I’m the king!’ he declared, ‘Call me Sire’
But his cheap paper crown
let his subterfuge down
And the consequence truly was dire.


For a month he was locked in the stocks

iLion
03-29-2011, 08:49 PM
For a month he was locked in the stocks
And was made to inhale stinky socks

Nymtoc
03-29-2011, 10:32 PM
For a month he was locked in the stocks
And was made to inhale stinky socks
He grew pale and thin

MidlifeMark
03-30-2011, 04:14 AM
For a month he was locked in the stocks
And was made to inhale stinky socks
He grew pale and thin
And sodden with gin

Sir_Nigel
03-30-2011, 11:52 AM
For a month he was locked in the stocks
And was made to inhale stinky socks
He grew pale and thin
And sodden with gin
Then he died and was put in a box.


He was eaten by ravenous worms

flyingtart
03-30-2011, 12:28 PM
He was eaten by ravenous worms
Munched up in no uncertain terms

Sir_Nigel
03-30-2011, 04:14 PM
He was eaten by ravenous worms
Munched up in no uncertain terms
The guy was well dead

RIFF
03-30-2011, 04:27 PM
He was eaten by ravenous worms
Munched up in no uncertain terms
The guy was well dead
Yet still he wed

flyingtart
03-30-2011, 05:02 PM
He was eaten by ravenous worms
Munched up in no uncertain terms
The guy was well dead
Yet still he wed
A zombie who owned gaming firms.


Mordecai oft read his bible

Nymtoc
03-30-2011, 07:48 PM
Mordecai oft read his bible
But Ichabod scoffed, "It's blue-sky bull."

iLion
03-30-2011, 08:05 PM
Mordecai oft read his bible
But Ichabod scoffed, "It's blue-sky bull."
So Mordecai prayed

MidlifeMark
03-31-2011, 03:39 AM
Mordecai oft read his bible
But Ichabod scoffed, "It's blue-sky bull."
So Mordecai prayed
While Ichabod brayed

Nymtoc
03-31-2011, 04:15 AM
Mordecai oft read his bible
But Ichabod scoffed, "It's blue-sky bull."
So Mordecai prayed
While Ichabod brayed
He knew Mordy was hopelessly tribal.

Annette had a passion for pearls

Sir_Nigel
03-31-2011, 11:26 AM
Annette had a passion for pearls
and an ardour for athletic girls

flyingtart
03-31-2011, 12:12 PM
Annette had a passion for pearls
and an ardour for athletic girls
One day at the track

Sir_Nigel
03-31-2011, 01:21 PM
Annette had a passion for pearls
and an ardour for athletic girls
One day at the track
in an old flasher’s mac

Nymtoc
03-31-2011, 07:50 PM
Annette had a passion for pearls
and an ardour for athletic girls
One day at the track
in an old flasher’s mac
She did some astonishing twirls.

Tom has an identical twin

iLion
03-31-2011, 08:19 PM
Tom has an identical twin
Who prefers no ice in his gin.

flyingtart
03-31-2011, 09:35 PM
Tom has an identical twin
Who prefers no ice in his gin.
It may sound bizarre

archerjoe
03-31-2011, 09:58 PM
Tom has an identical twin
Who prefers no ice in his gin.
It may sound bizarre
But gin that's top-drawer

Nymtoc
04-01-2011, 12:18 AM
Tom has an identical twin
Who prefers no ice in his gin.
It may sound bizarre
But gin that's top-drawer
Will add to the fun when you sin.

Nan tells everyone she's a witch

Sir_Nigel
04-01-2011, 11:30 AM
Nan tells everyone she's a witch
Can she cure my embarrassing itch?

flyingtart
04-01-2011, 12:33 PM
Nan tells everyone she's a witch
Can she cure my embarrassing itch?
She rubbed on a gel

Sir_Nigel
04-01-2011, 01:00 PM
Nan tells everyone she's a witch
Can she cure my embarrassing itch?
She rubbed on a gel
(though on what I won’t tell)

MidlifeMark
04-01-2011, 02:56 PM
Nan tells everyone she's a witch
Can she cure my embarrassing itch?
She rubbed on a gel
(though on what I won’t tell)
At these prices, she'll surely get rich!

An elephant drinks through his nose

Matera the Mad
04-01-2011, 04:04 PM
An elephant drinks through his nose
His straw is a big wrinkled hose

Sir_Nigel
04-01-2011, 04:41 PM
An elephant drinks through his nose
His straw is a big wrinkled hose
Then, drowning his sorrows

Nymtoc
04-01-2011, 10:33 PM
An elephant drinks through his nose
His straw is a big wrinkled hose
Then, drowning his sorrows
He frequently borrows

Lavern08
04-01-2011, 10:55 PM
An elephant drinks through his nose
His straw is a big wrinkled hose
Then, drowning his sorrows
He frequently borrows
His sister's old, hand-me-down clothes.

I made up an outrageous lie

Matera the Mad
04-02-2011, 02:33 AM
I made up an outrageous lie
About three old wise men and a pie

flyingtart
04-03-2011, 10:41 PM
I made up an outrageous lie
About three old wise men and a pie
But the twist in the tale

Lavern08
04-04-2011, 12:57 AM
I made up an outrageous lie
About three old wise men and a pie
But the twist in the tale
Was the wretched old whale

MidlifeMark
04-04-2011, 02:13 AM
I made up an outrageous lie
About three old wise men and a pie
But the twist in the tale
Was the wretched old whale
Just the thought makes me break down and cry.

The Huskies are ruling the hardwood

Nymtoc
04-04-2011, 02:24 AM
The Huskies are ruling the hardwood
I'll praise them as only the Bard would

Pthom
04-04-2011, 05:03 AM
The Huskies are ruling the hardwood
I'll praise them as only the Bard would
Their Nike soles squeak

flyingtart
04-04-2011, 12:13 PM
The Huskies are ruling the hardwood
I'll praise them as only the Bard would
Their Nike soles squeak
And their armpits sure reek

Sir_Nigel
04-04-2011, 05:13 PM
The Huskies are ruling the hardwood
I'll praise them as only the Bard would
Their Nike soles squeak
And their armpits sure reek
Shakespearian tributes are hard, bud.


When wondering whether to be

iLion
04-04-2011, 08:58 PM
When wondering whether to be
"Too late!", I shall cry unto thee

Curfew Gull
04-05-2011, 03:48 AM
When wondering whether to be
"Too late!", I shall cry unto thee
As Hamlet said ...

iLion
04-05-2011, 04:00 AM
When wondering whether to be
"Too late!", I shall cry unto thee
As Hamlet said ...
Your "full of bread"

Nymtoc
04-05-2011, 04:21 AM
When wondering whether to be
"Too late!", I shall cry unto thee
As Hamlet said ...
Your "full of bread"
File this lim'rick under "Debris."

"Let's dance," said the girl to her guy

Sir_Nigel
04-05-2011, 11:37 AM
"Let's dance," said the girl to her guy
(she was seventeen stone but quite spry)

poetinahat
04-05-2011, 11:50 AM
"Let's dance," said the girl to her guy
(she was seventeen stone but quite spry)
"Here, take my martini

flyingtart
04-05-2011, 12:12 PM
"Let's dance," said the girl to her guy
(she was seventeen stone but quite spry)
"Here, take my martini
And take off that beany

Sir_Nigel
04-05-2011, 03:03 PM
"Let's dance," said the girl to her guy
(she was seventeen stone but quite spry)
"Here, take my martini
And take off that beany
But first let me finish this pie.


Will you hop on my new Kawasaki?

flyingtart
04-05-2011, 03:40 PM
Will you hop on my new Kawasaki?
It's jet black and not, I hope, tacky

iLion
04-05-2011, 08:40 PM
Will you hop on my new Kawasaki?
It's jet black and not, I hope, tacky.
So hold tightly here

Nymtoc
04-05-2011, 09:21 PM
Will you hop on my new Kawasaki?
It's jet black and not, I hope, tacky.
So hold tightly here
There's nothing to fear

Lavern08
04-05-2011, 09:45 PM
Will you hop on my new Kawasaki?
It's jet black and not, I hope, tacky.
"So hold tightly here
There's nothing to fear."
Said Joe to his girlfriend named Jackie

Come get your new handbaskets here

flyingtart
04-05-2011, 10:02 PM
Come get your new handbaskets here
They're very well made, not too dear

Nymtoc
04-05-2011, 11:07 PM
Come get your new handbaskets here
They're very well made, not too dear
There's room for a cat

Pthom
04-05-2011, 11:09 PM
Come get your new handbaskets here
They're very well made, not too dear
There's room for a cat,
An aluminum bat,

flyingtart
04-05-2011, 11:17 PM
Come get your new handbaskets here
They're very well made, not too dear
There's room for a cat,
An aluminum bat,
And a cobra with chronic diarrhoea


I can't get the hang of the Kindle

Sir_Nigel
04-06-2011, 11:35 AM
I can't get the hang of the Kindle -
the crankshaft won’t rotate the spindle

flyingtart
04-06-2011, 12:25 PM
I can't get the hang of the Kindle -
the crankshaft won’t rotate the spindle
And when I press play

Sir_Nigel
04-06-2011, 02:05 PM
I can't get the hang of the Kindle -
the crankshaft won’t rotate the spindle
And when I press play
it connects to Bombay

flyingtart
04-06-2011, 02:56 PM
I can't get the hang of the Kindle -
the crankshaft won’t rotate the spindle
And when I press play
it connects to Bombay
I think it's an Amazon swindle!


Sir Nigel was treading the boards

Nymtoc
04-06-2011, 03:02 PM
I can't get the hang of the Kindle -
the crankshaft won’t rotate the spindle
And when I press play
it connects to Bombay
My hopes are beginning to dwindle.

No woman's as clever as Lily

Sir_Nigel
04-06-2011, 04:10 PM
No woman's as clever as Lily
Except perhaps Mega-Mind Millie

iLion
04-06-2011, 09:07 PM
No woman's as clever as Lily
Except perhaps Mega-Mind Millie
She does this weird thing

Lavern08
04-06-2011, 09:27 PM
No woman's as clever as Lily
Except perhaps Mega-Mind Millie
She does this weird thing
With a Coke and some string

flyingtart
04-06-2011, 10:00 PM
No woman's as clever as Lily
Except perhaps Mega-Mind Millie
She does this weird thing
With a Coke and some string
Although some people think it's quite silly.

(Try again)
Sir Nigel was treading the boards

Pthom
04-07-2011, 03:35 AM
Sir Nigel was treading the boards
Rehearsing a speech for the Lords.

talkwrite
04-07-2011, 04:03 AM
Sir Nigel was treading the boards
Rehearsing a speech for the Lords.
A lady in waiting

Nymtoc
04-07-2011, 06:55 AM
Sir Nigel was treading the boards
Rehearsing a speech for the Lords.
A lady in waiting
Whom Nigel was dating

Sir_Nigel
04-07-2011, 01:01 PM
Sir Nigel was treading the boards
Rehearsing a speech for the Lords.
A lady in waiting
whom Nigel was dating
was a type that he seldom affords


They went for a walk in the park

flyingtart
04-07-2011, 01:51 PM
They went for a walk in the park
(He would try anything for a lark)

iLion
04-07-2011, 08:22 PM
They went for a walk in the park
(He would try anything for a lark)
She tripped and fell

Nymtoc
04-07-2011, 08:54 PM
They went for a walk in the park
(He would try anything for a lark)
She tripped and fell
Straight into a well

Pthom
04-08-2011, 12:19 AM
They went for a walk in the park
(He would try anything for a lark)
She tripped and fell
Straight into a well
Where of course, it was damp, cold and dark!

Sir Nigel, a rope he did seek

Nymtoc
04-08-2011, 12:39 AM
Sir Nigel, a rope he did seek
To save one whose future looked bleak

Sir_Nigel
04-08-2011, 11:54 AM
Sir Nigel, a rope he did seek
To save one whose future looked bleak
But soon he grew bored

flyingtart
04-08-2011, 12:30 PM
Sir Nigel, a rope he did seek
To save one whose future looked bleak
But soon he grew bored
And slept till he snored

Sir_Nigel
04-08-2011, 01:20 PM
Sir Nigel, a rope he did seek
To save one whose future looked bleak
But soon he grew bored
And slept till he snored
but retrieved her the following week.

She was more than a little upset

iLion
04-08-2011, 08:27 PM
She was more than a little upset
And her empty account made her fret.

flyingtart
04-08-2011, 09:51 PM
She was more than a little upset
And her empty account made her fret.
So she put on some pearls

Nymtoc
04-08-2011, 10:52 PM
She was more than a little upset
And her empty account made her fret.
So she put on some pearls
To impress all the girls

Pthom
04-09-2011, 04:16 AM
She was more than a little upset
And her empty account made her fret.
So she put on some pearls
To impress all the girls
And made sure her T-shirt was wet!

Oh, the things you can see in the dew!

Nymtoc
04-09-2011, 07:13 AM
Oh, the things you can see in the dew!
And the fabrics that you can see through!

flyingtart
04-09-2011, 12:41 PM
Oh, the things you can see in the dew!
And the fabrics that you can see through!
It would make a boy blush

HarryHoskins
04-09-2011, 03:56 PM
Oh, the things you can see in the dew!
And the fabrics that you can see through!
It would make a boy blush
From a diaphanous rush

MidlifeMark
04-09-2011, 05:27 PM
Oh, the things you can see in the dew!
And the fabrics that you can see through!
It would make a boy blush
From a diaphanous rush
When Victoria's Secrets undo.

I sometimes read books on a Kindle

flyingtart
04-09-2011, 06:00 PM
I sometimes read books on a Kindle
Though the price is quite clearly a swindle

Nymtoc
04-09-2011, 11:18 PM
I sometimes read books on a Kindle
Though the price is quite clearly a swindle
Of course, there's no porn

MidlifeMark
04-10-2011, 01:06 AM
I sometimes read books on a Kindle
Though the price is quite clearly a swindle
Of course, there's no porn
But pages aren't torn,