PDA

View Full Version : Limericks Live!



Pages : 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 [63] 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90

Nymtoc
02-06-2011, 09:56 PM
"Please tell me, my darling Nanette
Why is it you always forget
To bring the whipped cream

Matera the Mad
02-06-2011, 10:00 PM
"Please tell me, my darling Nanette
Why is it you always forget
To bring the whipped cream
When we dine by the stream

MidlifeMark
02-06-2011, 10:11 PM
Please tell me, my darling Nanette
Why is it you always forget
To bring the whipped cream
When we dine by the stream
You know how that makes me upset.

Well, the whipped cream routine's getting boring,

Matera the Mad
02-06-2011, 10:16 PM
Well, the whipped cream routine's getting boring,
And the old manly passions are snoring

iLion
02-06-2011, 10:22 PM
Well, the whipped cream routine's getting boring,
And the old manly passions are snoring
Lets hide chocolate chips

Matera the Mad
02-06-2011, 10:29 PM
Well, the whipped cream routine's getting boring,
And the old manly passions are snoring
Lets hide chocolate chips
And find them with our lips

iLion
02-06-2011, 10:38 PM
Well, the whipped cream routine's getting boring,
And the old manly passions are snoring
Lets hide chocolate chips
And find them with our lips
And soon we'll both be a-soaring.

Your yoga positions are great

flyingtart
02-06-2011, 10:42 PM
Your yoga positions are great
But maybe not on a first date

MidlifeMark
02-06-2011, 10:44 PM
Your yoga positions are great
But maybe not on a first date
These pretzel contortions

Nymtoc
02-06-2011, 10:49 PM
Your yoga positions are great
But maybe not on a first date
These pretzel contortions
Of monstrous proportions

MidlifeMark
02-06-2011, 10:54 PM
Your yoga positions are great
But maybe not on a first date
These pretzel contortions
Of monstrous proportions
Result in a horrible fate.

For dinner, a nice Perdue roaster

flyingtart
02-06-2011, 11:17 PM
For dinner, a nice Perdue roaster
Was served on a brown rattan coaster

MidlifeMark
02-06-2011, 11:30 PM
For dinner, a nice Perdue roaster
Was served on a brown rattan coaster
Which went well with the stuffing

iLion
02-06-2011, 11:45 PM
For dinner, a nice Perdue roaster
Was served on a brown rattan coaster
Which went well with the stuffing
Now we're huffing and puffing

Nymtoc
02-06-2011, 11:51 PM
For dinner, a nice Perdue roaster
Was served on a brown rattan coaster
Which went well with the stuffing
Now we're huffing and puffing
"Please, no more!" says this overfed poster.

I'm lost in the woods with no phone

MidlifeMark
02-07-2011, 12:12 AM
I'm lost in the woods with no phone
I'm tired, and cold, and alone.

iLion
02-07-2011, 03:34 AM
I'm lost in the woods with no phone
I'm tired, and cold, and alone.
My GPS broke

Nymtoc
02-07-2011, 03:54 AM
I'm lost in the woods with no phone
I'm tired, and cold, and alone.
My GPS broke
I fear I may croak

iLion
02-07-2011, 04:24 AM
I'm lost in the woods with no phone
I'm tired, and cold, and alone.
My GPS broke
I fear I may croak
Now I'm authoring words for my stone.

Herein lies a man who was lost

Albedo of Zero
02-07-2011, 10:21 AM
Herein lies a man who was lost
from a non-committal love he was tossed

Nymtoc
02-07-2011, 10:25 AM
Herein lies a man who was lost
from a non-committal love he was tossed
He wandered for days

Matera the Mad
02-07-2011, 11:27 AM
Herein lies a man who was lost
from a non-committal love he was tossed
He wandered for days
In an ambiguous haze

Sir_Nigel
02-07-2011, 12:52 PM
Herein lies a man who was lost
from a non-committal love he was tossed
He wandered for days
In an ambiguous haze
Don’t ask what the funeral cost.

Oh doctor I have an odd swelling

flyingtart
02-07-2011, 01:16 PM
Oh doctor I have an odd swelling
Can you cure? Well, there's no way of telling

Sir_Nigel
02-07-2011, 03:29 PM
Oh doctor I have an odd swelling
Can you cure? Well, there's no way of telling
But rub in this unguent

flyingtart
02-07-2011, 03:43 PM
Oh doctor I have an odd swelling
Can you cure? Well, there's no way of telling
But rub in this unguent
Twill be time well spent

Sir_Nigel
02-07-2011, 06:47 PM
Oh doctor I have an odd swelling
Can you cure? Well, there's no way of telling
But rub in this unguent
Twill be time well spent
And it mite help yur terribal spelling


The captain remained at his post

iLion
02-07-2011, 09:34 PM
The captain remained at his post
His ship was too close to the coast

flyingtart
02-07-2011, 10:55 PM
The captain remained at his post
His ship was too close to the coast
When he cried "Heave to!"

MidlifeMark
02-08-2011, 06:42 AM
The captain remained at his post
His ship was too close to the coast
When he cried "Heave to!"
To his hapless crew,

iLion
02-08-2011, 07:30 AM
The captain remained at his post
His ship was too close to the coast
When he cried "Heave to!"
To his hapless crew,
They sank e'er even a toast.

At table I passed a bad wind

Nymtoc
02-08-2011, 07:50 AM
The captain remained at his post
His ship was too close to the coast
When he cried "Heave to!"
To his hapless crew,
They sank e'er even a toast.

At table I passed a bad wind
When people stared, I was chagrined.

Albedo of Zero
02-08-2011, 10:34 AM
At table I passed a bad wind
When people stared, I was chagrined.
I kept a straight face

Sir_Nigel
02-08-2011, 12:38 PM
At table I passed a bad wind
When people stared, I was chagrined.
I kept a straight face
as I emptied the place

flyingtart
02-08-2011, 02:26 PM
At table I passed a bad wind
When people stared, I was chagrined.
I kept a straight face
as I emptied the place
Then all by myself slyly grinned.


Miss Marple and Hercule Poirot

Sir_Nigel
02-09-2011, 01:51 PM
Miss Marple and Hercule Poirot
were bathed in a post coital glow

flyingtart
02-09-2011, 02:32 PM
Miss Marple and Hercule Poirot
were bathed in a post coital glow
At last Hercule said

Sir_Nigel
02-09-2011, 06:23 PM
Miss Marple and Hercule Poirot
were bathed in a post coital glow
At last Hercule said
Lets try Three in a Bed

Nymtoc
02-09-2011, 07:59 PM
Miss Marple and Hercule Poirot
were bathed in a post coital glow
At last Hercule said
Lets try Three in a Bed
We don't need to let Agatha know.

When pond'ring an intricate clue

flyingtart
02-09-2011, 08:12 PM
When pond'ring an intricate clue
Holmes found that his fingers turned blue

iLion
02-09-2011, 09:53 PM
When pond'ring an intricate clue
Holmes found that his fingers turned blue
I suppose it arose

MidlifeMark
02-10-2011, 06:40 AM
When pond'ring an intricate clue
Holmes found that his fingers turned blue
I suppose it arose
When the poor fellow froze

Matera the Mad
02-10-2011, 06:51 AM
When pond'ring an intricate clue
Holmes found that his fingers turned blue
I suppose it arose
When the poor fellow froze
That his toes were like icicles too.

It was lucky that Watson was there

flyingtart
02-10-2011, 01:27 PM
It was lucky that Watson was there
Pretending that he didn't care

MidlifeMark
02-11-2011, 06:35 AM
It was lucky that Watson was there
Pretending that he didn't care
He rendered first aid

iLion
02-11-2011, 07:33 AM
It was lucky that Watson was there
Pretending that he didn't care
He rendered first aid
And asked to be paid

Albedo of Zero
02-11-2011, 08:36 AM
It was lucky that Watson was there
Pretending that he didn't care
He rendered first aid
And asked to be paid
for the memoirs; an elementary share.


In a small flat off Baker Street

Sir_Nigel
02-11-2011, 06:04 PM
In a small flat off Baker Street
they grooved to a cool acid beat

flyingtart
02-11-2011, 06:58 PM
In a small flat off Baker Street
they grooved to a cool acid beat
The housekeeper's frown

Nymtoc
02-11-2011, 08:18 PM
In a small flat off Baker Street
they grooved to a cool acid beat
The housekeeper's frown
Made them say, "What a clown!"

iLion
02-11-2011, 10:40 PM
In a small flat off Baker Street
they grooved to a cool acid beat
The housekeeper's frown
Made them say, "What a clown!"
"And doesn't she have two left feet?"

I was flashed by a girl on the bus

MidlifeMark
02-12-2011, 12:08 AM
In a small flat off Baker Street
they grooved to a cool acid beat
The housekeeper's frown
Made them say, "What a clown!"
But her cookies were their favorite treat.

These idiots and their iPods!

Nymtoc
02-12-2011, 01:26 AM
Uh-oh!

I believe pThom handles this sort of thing by continuing both limericks, so here goes:

I was flashed by a girl on the bus
I smiled and said, "Hi, my name's Gus."


These idiots and their iPods!
Guess where I would stick some steel rods!

flyingtart
02-12-2011, 04:09 PM
I was flashed by a girl on the bus
I smiled and said, "Hi, my name's Gus."
Her gimlet-eyed stare


These idiots and their iPods!
Guess where I would stick some steel rods!
It might make them blink

iLion
02-12-2011, 07:00 PM
I was flashed by a girl on the bus
I smiled and said, "Hi, my name's Gus."
Her gimlet-eyed stare
Said 'I really don't care'


These idiots and their iPods!
Guess where I would stick some steel rods!
It might make them blink
Or maybe they'd think

archerjoe
02-12-2011, 07:26 PM
I was flashed by a girl on the bus
I smiled and said, "Hi, my name's Gus."
Her gimlet-eyed stare
Said 'I really don't care'
'And why are you making a fuss?"

These idiots and their iPods!
Guess where I would stick some steel rods!
It might make them blink
Or maybe they'd think
They're walking disasters, the clods!

archerjoe
02-12-2011, 07:27 PM
Here's the new start:

While walking and texting one day

flyingtart
02-12-2011, 07:38 PM
While walking and texting one day
I fell in a hole in my way

Nymtoc
02-12-2011, 11:32 PM
While walking and texting one day
I fell in a hole in my way
The hole was so deep

MidlifeMark
02-13-2011, 02:35 AM
While walking and texting one day
I fell in a hole in my way
The hole was so deep
The sides were so steep

flyingtart
02-13-2011, 03:39 PM
While walking and texting one day
I fell in a hole in my way
The hole was so deep
The sides were so steep
I landed at Montego Bay


He picked up the book and declared

Nymtoc
02-13-2011, 06:09 PM
He picked up the book and declared
"I can't believe anyone dared

MidlifeMark
02-14-2011, 01:36 AM
He picked up the book and declared
"I can't believe anyone dared
to rake up this muck!

iLion
02-14-2011, 04:48 AM
He picked up the book and declared
"I can't believe anyone dared
to rake up this muck!
I'm gonna upchuck

Nymtoc
02-14-2011, 06:26 AM
He picked up the book and declared
"I can't believe anyone dared
to rake up this muck!
I'm gonna upchuck
This whole thing is sleaziness squared!"

There once was a girl from Duluth

Sir_Nigel
02-14-2011, 12:26 PM
There once was a girl from Duluth
possessed of a single large tooth

flyingtart
02-14-2011, 01:16 PM
There once was a girl from Duluth
possessed of a single large tooth
She didn't mind chewin'

Sir_Nigel
02-14-2011, 03:06 PM
There once was a girl from Duluth
possessed of a single large tooth
She didn't mind chewin'
when the boys came a-wooin’

flyingtart
02-14-2011, 03:21 PM
There once was a girl from Duluth
possessed of a single large tooth
She didn't mind chewin'
when the boys came a-wooin’
But they mostly found her uncouth


She went out without wearing knickers

Sir_Nigel
02-14-2011, 04:56 PM
She went out without wearing knickers
and visited several vicars

flyingtart
02-14-2011, 05:43 PM
She went out without wearing knickers
and visited several vicars
And one asked her why

Nymtoc
02-14-2011, 06:34 PM
She went out without wearing knickers
and visited several vicars
And one asked her why
She flashed him her thigh

Sir_Nigel
02-14-2011, 07:15 PM
She went out without wearing knickers
and visited several vicars
And one asked her why
she flashed him her thigh
“And an odd place to put Smiley Face stickers”


The episode caused quite a stir

MidlifeMark
02-15-2011, 02:22 AM
The episode caused quite a stir
My memory of it's a blur

Matera the Mad
02-15-2011, 08:14 AM
The episode caused quite a stir
My memory of it's a blur
If I did someone wrong

Sir_Nigel
02-15-2011, 12:39 PM
The episode caused quite a stir
My memory of it's a blur
If I did someone wrong
in a leopardskin thong

flyingtart
02-15-2011, 02:02 PM
The episode caused quite a stir
My memory of it's a blur
If I did someone wrong
in a leopardskin thong
Surely the cops would demur?


Her spirit enthused a whole nation

Sir_Nigel
02-15-2011, 04:55 PM
Her spirit enthused a whole nation
when she overcame grave constipation

flyingtart
02-15-2011, 06:15 PM
Her spirit enthused a whole nation
when she overcame grave constipation
Eating prunes by the ton

Sir_Nigel
02-15-2011, 06:31 PM
Her spirit enthused a whole nation
when she overcame grave constipation
Eating prunes by the ton
Live on BBC1

Nymtoc
02-15-2011, 07:13 PM
Her spirit enthused a whole nation
when she overcame grave constipation
Eating prunes by the ton
Live on BBC1
She gave a full-blown demonstration.

Now, here is a word to the wise

iLion
02-15-2011, 09:20 PM
Now, here is a word to the wise
Never uncover your thighs

MidlifeMark
02-16-2011, 05:24 AM
Now, here is a word to the wise
Never uncover your thighs
In a large public venue

iLion
02-16-2011, 06:38 AM
Now, here is a word to the wise
Never uncover your thighs
In a large public venue
I will not defend you

Matera the Mad
02-16-2011, 08:14 AM
Now, here is a word to the wise
Never uncover your thighs
In a large public venue
I will not defend you
From hundreds of ravening eyes

So please do not lift up your skirt

flyingtart
02-16-2011, 01:28 PM
So please do not lift up your skirt
Not even to flatter and flirt

Sir_Nigel
02-16-2011, 02:52 PM
So please do not lift up your skirt
Not even to flatter and flirt
For now you’re a nun

flyingtart
02-16-2011, 04:29 PM
So please do not lift up your skirt
Not even to flatter and flirt
For now you’re a nun
And cannot have fun

Sir_Nigel
02-16-2011, 04:53 PM
So please do not lift up your skirt
Not even to flatter and flirt
For now you’re a nun
and cannot have fun
And you’re not really Lola, you’re Bert.


But Shirley that cannot be true

Kerlee
02-16-2011, 05:38 PM
But Shirley that cannot be true
and what could I possibly do

flyingtart
02-16-2011, 05:50 PM
But Shirley that cannot be true
and what could I possibly do
'Cept fall on my knees

iLion
02-16-2011, 06:05 PM
But Shirley that cannot be true
and what could I possibly do
'Cept fall on my knees
And pretend that I'll please

Nymtoc
02-16-2011, 09:22 PM
But Shirley that cannot be true
and what could I possibly do
'Cept fall on my knees
And pretend that I'll please
Samantha and Steven and Sue.

This winter is too much to bear

flyingtart
02-16-2011, 09:27 PM
This winter is too much to bear
I've got big lumps of ice in my hair

iLion
02-16-2011, 09:30 PM
This winter is too much to bear
I've got big lumps of ice in my hair
My nose is froze

flyingtart
02-17-2011, 12:56 AM
This winter is too much to bear
I've got big lumps of ice in my hair
My nose is froze
Ditto my toes

Nymtoc
02-17-2011, 01:39 AM
This winter is too much to bear
I've got big lumps of ice in my hair
My nose is froze
Ditto my toes
And my butt--I'm not sure it's still there.

One day on the planet of Zump

iLion
02-17-2011, 02:15 AM
One day on the planet of Zump
I ran smack into a yump

MidlifeMark
02-17-2011, 05:43 AM
One day on the planet of Zump
I ran smack into a yump
It nodded politely,

Sir_Nigel
02-17-2011, 12:36 PM
One day on the planet of Zump
I ran smack into a yump
It nodded politely,
Now I flonk it twice nightly

flyingtart
02-17-2011, 01:53 PM
One day on the planet of Zump
I ran smack into a yump
It nodded politely,
Now I flonk it twice nightly
And it plays merry hell with my stump


Count Dracula was quite nonplussed

Sir_Nigel
02-17-2011, 02:50 PM
Count Dracula was quite nonplussed
in the sunlight he crumbled to dust

flyingtart
02-17-2011, 06:48 PM
Count Dracula was quite nonplussed
in the sunlight he crumbled to dust
He rued the day

Sir_Nigel
02-17-2011, 07:20 PM
Count Dracula was quite nonplussed
in the sunlight he crumbled to dust
He rued the day
that he met Ronnie Kray

Nymtoc
02-17-2011, 08:13 PM
Count Dracula was quite nonplussed
in the sunlight he crumbled to dust
He rued the day
that he met Ronnie Kray
Who gave Reggie's knife the last thrust.

I never learned grammar in school

iLion
02-17-2011, 11:08 PM
I never learned grammar in school
But I ain't stoopid, as a rule

flyingtart
02-18-2011, 01:37 PM
I never learned grammar in school
But I ain't stoopid, as a rule
I did learn to sew

Sir_Nigel
02-18-2011, 02:51 PM
I never learned grammar in school
But I ain't stoopid, as a rule
I did learn to sew
but there’s lots I don’t know

flyingtart
02-18-2011, 04:11 PM
I never learned grammar in school
But I ain't stoopid, as a rule
I did learn to sew
but there’s lots I don’t know
Like why's Russell Brand such a tool?


In the year nineteen hundred and eighty

Sir_Nigel
02-18-2011, 04:58 PM
In the year nineteen hundred and eighty
at a Voodoo observance in Haiti

Nymtoc
02-18-2011, 09:03 PM
In the year nineteen hundred and eighty
at a Voodoo observance in Haiti
I met a dead man

iLion
02-18-2011, 09:19 PM
In the year nineteen hundred and eighty
at a Voodoo observance in Haiti
I met a dead man
Who died when he ran

flyingtart
02-18-2011, 11:16 PM
In the year nineteen hundred and eighty
at a Voodoo observance in Haiti
I met a dead man
Who died when he ran
But not before we got quite matey.


My sister turns tricks down the docks

Nymtoc
02-19-2011, 03:00 AM
My sister turns tricks down the docks
The sailors all say that she rocks

RevisionIsTheKey
02-19-2011, 04:35 AM
My sister turns tricks down the docks
The sailors all say that she rocks
Her prices are fair

MidlifeMark
02-19-2011, 04:25 PM
My sister turns tricks down the docks
The sailors all say that she rocks
Her prices are fair
And she doesn't care

flyingtart
02-19-2011, 04:44 PM
My sister turns tricks down the docks
The sailors all say that she rocks
Her prices are fair
And she doesn't care
If they want to keep on their socks.


While sampling perfume at the mall

archerjoe
02-19-2011, 07:37 PM
While sampling perfume at the mall
"Right purty," said Tex with a drawl

Nymtoc
02-19-2011, 09:54 PM
While sampling perfume at the mall
"Right purty," said Tex with a drawl
"I reckon I'll buy

flyingtart
02-20-2011, 04:37 PM
While sampling perfume at the mall
"Right purty," said Tex with a drawl
"I reckon I'll buy
And give it a try

Nymtoc
02-20-2011, 05:21 PM
While sampling perfume at the mall
"Right purty," said Tex with a drawl
"I reckon I'll buy
And give it a try
It'll make me smell sexy and all.

Some people are born to be bad

MidlifeMark
02-20-2011, 06:39 PM
Some people are born to be bad
And others are born to be had.

flyingtart
02-20-2011, 06:54 PM
Some people are born to be bad
And others are born to be had.
So which are you?

MidlifeMark
02-20-2011, 07:42 PM
Some people are born to be bad
And others are born to be had.
So which are you?
Bescrewed or screw?

Matera the Mad
02-21-2011, 09:17 AM
Some people are born to be bad
And others are born to be had.
So which are you?
Bescrewed or screw?
Or perhaps you get even, my lad?

Revenge is a dish best served cold

Nymtoc
02-21-2011, 09:43 AM
Revenge is a dish best served cold
The result is a joy to behold

flyingtart
02-21-2011, 01:25 PM
Revenge is a dish best served cold
The result is a joy to behold
So put up your feet

archerjoe
02-22-2011, 01:33 AM
Revenge is a dish best served cold
The result is a joy to behold
So put up your feet
Your enemy's beat

MidlifeMark
02-22-2011, 06:36 AM
Revenge is a dish best served cold
The result is a joy to behold
So put up your feet
Your enemy's beat
And fortune, she favors the bold.

In a brown glass beer bottle in Portland

Matera the Mad
02-22-2011, 08:27 AM
In a brown glass beer bottle in Portland
Was a note from a damsel, in shorthand

Sir_Nigel
02-22-2011, 12:31 PM
In a brown glass beer bottle in Portland
Was a note from a damsel, in shorthand
()^;"&>>~# it said

flyingtart
02-22-2011, 01:52 PM
In a brown glass beer bottle in Portland
Was a note from a damsel, in shorthand
()^;"&>>~# it said
Underlined in red

Sir_Nigel
02-22-2011, 02:18 PM
In a brown glass beer bottle in Portland
Was a note from a damsel, in shorthand
()^;"&>>~# it said
Underlined in red
They should get all such filth of this sort banned


He rushed in the room and cried ‘Doc!’

flyingtart
02-22-2011, 04:11 PM
He rushed in the room and cried ‘Doc!’
My ears look just like Mister Spock

iLion
02-22-2011, 05:21 PM
He rushed in the room and cried ‘Doc!’
My ears look just like Mister Spock.
What's more... look at this!

Sereneword
02-22-2011, 06:14 PM
He rushed in the room and cried ‘Doc!’
My ears look just like Mister Spock.
What's more... look at this!
Please make it better with a kiss.

;)

flyingtart
02-22-2011, 06:30 PM
Edited for better fit:

He rushed in the room and cried ‘Doc!’
My ears look just like Mister Spock.
What's more... look at this!
Cure it with a kiss.
Or at least cover it with a sock!


"Nurse, will you please draw the screens?

Sir_Nigel
02-22-2011, 07:47 PM
"Nurse, will you please draw the screens?
And now help me out of these jeans

Nymtoc
02-22-2011, 08:03 PM
"Nurse, will you please draw the screens?
And now help me out of these jeans
I want you to see

flyingtart
02-22-2011, 09:19 PM
"Nurse, will you please draw the screens?
And now help me out of these jeans
I want you to see
Most informally

MidlifeMark
02-23-2011, 04:57 AM
"Nurse, will you please draw the screens?
And now help me out of these jeans
I want you to see
Most informally
The tattoo I had done in Queens.

I lit up a Cuban cigar

flyingtart
02-23-2011, 04:59 PM
I lit up a Cuban cigar
And told him he'd surely go far

iLion
02-24-2011, 05:57 AM
I lit up a Cuban cigar
And told him he'd surely go far
If only he'd play

MidlifeMark
02-24-2011, 06:25 AM
I lit up a Cuban cigar
And told him he'd surely go far
If only he'd play
The game the right way

Nymtoc
02-24-2011, 06:42 AM
I lit up a Cuban cigar
And told him he'd surely go far
If only he'd play
The game the right way
And stop passing out at the bar.

"Who goes there?" demanded the guard

Sereneword
02-24-2011, 11:56 AM
"Who goes there?" demanded the guard
"Me," said Head of the Psychiatric ward.

flyingtart
02-24-2011, 03:37 PM
"Who goes there?" demanded the guard
"Me," said Head of the Psychiatric ward.

Sorry, Sereneword, but ward doesn't rhyme with guard and there are too many syllables in your line.

I'll have another try.

"Who goes there?" demanded the guard
"Only Me" said a voice from the yard

Sereneword
02-24-2011, 05:54 PM
Sorry, Sereneword, but ward doesn't rhyme with guard and there are too many syllables in your line.

I'll have another try.

"Who goes there?" demanded the guard
"Only Me" said a voice from the yard

Hey, Sandra. You're spot on about pronunciation - my bad. But correct me if I'm wrong, our limerick sentences have ten syllables each, don't they? Anyway, I could be wrong, if so, sorry! :)

flyingtart
02-24-2011, 06:36 PM
Hi Serene, Yes, strictly speaking you can have ten syllables but it depends on other factors like where the emphasis falls and a second line is influenced by the pattern already established in the first line. Your line sounded a little too 'crammed' to flow well. If the rhyme had worked you might have got away with it - but the two things combined derail the whole thing. :-)

Nymtoc
02-24-2011, 06:50 PM
I'll jump in here--uninvited and probably unwelcome. :) As flyingtart indicates, a limerick line isn't about syllables; it's about "beats." There can be anywhere from 7 to 10 syllables in a line, as long as it has three "beats." Here are some lines that would be permissible, with the "beats" in boldface:

Some people like to read Poe
The boy had a bump on his head
The answers are always so simple
I'm planning to travel to Jupiter

When it comes to rhyming, the first three would be relatively easy to rhyme, while the fourth would be a horror. But I'm not talking about rhymes here. I'm just trying to show that there's no fixed number of syllables in a limerick line. :D

iLion
02-24-2011, 09:28 PM
Who goes there?" demanded the guard.
"Only Me" said a voice from the yard.
"Don't run or I'll shoot"

MidlifeMark
02-25-2011, 04:48 AM
Who goes there?" demanded the guard.
"Only Me" said a voice from the yard.
"Don't run or I'll shoot"
"Hand over the loot!"

iLion
02-25-2011, 05:14 AM
Who goes there?" demanded the guard.
"Only Me" said a voice from the yard.
"Don't run or I'll shoot"
"Hand over the loot!"
"And be quick or I'll have you disbarred!"

Baby, oh, baby! oh, baby! oh, yes!!

Sir_Nigel
02-25-2011, 12:39 PM
Baby, oh baby, oh yes!!
This now has an “oh, baby!” less

flyingtart
02-25-2011, 01:25 PM
Baby, oh baby, oh yes!!
This now has an “oh, baby!” less
The rhythm is such

Sir_Nigel
02-25-2011, 02:51 PM
Baby, oh baby, oh yes!!
This now has an “oh, baby!” less
The rhythm is such
that your amorous clutch

Nymtoc
02-25-2011, 07:18 PM
Baby, oh baby, oh yes!!
This now has an “oh, baby!” less
The rhythm is such
that your amorous clutch
Is more than enough, I confess.

I'll show you my etchings, my dear

MidlifeMark
02-25-2011, 07:45 PM
I'll show you my etchings, my dear
So hurry and finish your beer

flyingtart
02-25-2011, 08:19 PM
I'll show you my etchings, my dear
So hurry and finish your beer
And wipe off that grin

MidlifeMark
02-26-2011, 03:10 AM
I'll show you my etchings, my dear
So hurry and finish your beer
And wipe off that grin
Get ready to sin

flyingtart
02-26-2011, 03:02 PM
I'll show you my etchings, my dear
So hurry and finish your beer
And wipe off that grin
Get ready to sin
I'll keep you tied up for a year!


When Dorothy Parker was drinking

MidlifeMark
02-26-2011, 05:24 PM
When Dorothy Parker was drinking
My, what in the world was she thinking?

archerjoe
02-26-2011, 07:12 PM
When Dorothy Parker was drinking
My, what in the world was she thinking?
The booze fueled her wit

MidlifeMark
02-26-2011, 07:37 PM
When Dorothy Parker was drinking
My, what in the world was she thinking?
The booze fueled her wit
Unhinged her a bit

Nymtoc
02-26-2011, 08:10 PM
When Dorothy Parker was drinking
My, what in the world was she thinking?
The booze fueled her wit
Unhinged her a bit
And sometimes she really got stinking.

But always she had a bon mot

slcboston
02-26-2011, 08:35 PM
But always she had a bon mot
Though sometimes it wasn't clear what

flyingtart
02-26-2011, 09:04 PM
But always she had a bon mot
Though sometimes it wasn't clear what
The Hell she meant

slcboston
02-26-2011, 09:22 PM
But always she had a bon mot
Though sometimes it wasn't clear what
The Hell that she meant
When she said to get bent

MidlifeMark
02-26-2011, 10:00 PM
But always she had a bon mot
Though sometimes it wasn't clear what
The Hell that she meant
When she said to get bent
(I wondered about that a lot).

Well, the snow is all melting around me

flyingtart
02-27-2011, 02:25 PM
Well, the snow is all melting around me
Thank God this St Bernard just found me

MidlifeMark
02-27-2011, 05:22 PM
Well, the snow is all melting around me
Thank God this St Bernard just found me
The big hairy pooch

Nymtoc
02-27-2011, 09:25 PM
Well, the snow is all melting around me
Thank God this St Bernard just found me
The big hairy pooch
Brought a barrel of hooch

MidlifeMark
02-27-2011, 10:57 PM
Well, the snow is all melting around me
Thank God this St Bernard just found me
The big hairy pooch
Brought a barrel of hooch
Now fifteen drunk skiers surround me.

His probuscus was elephantine

iLion
02-27-2011, 11:55 PM
His proboscis was elephantine
It would rise and then later decline

MidlifeMark
02-28-2011, 12:07 AM
His proboscis was elephantine
It would rise and then later decline
If only his schlong

iLion
02-28-2011, 12:50 AM
His proboscis was elephantine
It would rise and then later decline
If only his schlong
Was equally strong

MidlifeMark
02-28-2011, 01:07 AM
His proboscis was elephantine;
It would rise and then later decline.
If only his schlong
Was equally strong!
But sadly, it tangled like twine.

An elderly recluse named Morris

iLion
02-28-2011, 01:14 AM
An elderly recluse named Morris
Was deeply in love with Chuck Norris

MidlifeMark
02-28-2011, 01:19 AM
An elderly recluse named Morris
Was deeply in love with Chuck Norris
In the depths of his cave

iLion
02-28-2011, 01:21 AM
An elderly recluse named Morris
Was deeply in love with Chuck Norris
In the depths of his cave
He would badly behave

Nymtoc
02-28-2011, 01:50 AM
An elderly recluse named Morris
Was deeply in love with Chuck Norris
In the depths of his cave
He would badly behave
Convinced that his own name was Doris.

My dachshund is learning to speak

MidlifeMark
02-28-2011, 03:54 AM
My dachshund is learning to speak
In German, in French, and in Greek.

iLion
02-28-2011, 04:25 AM
My dachshund is learning to speak
In German, in French, and in Greek.
He thinks that a bitch

MidlifeMark
02-28-2011, 04:36 AM
My dachshund is learning to speak
In German, in French, and in Greek.
He thinks that a bitch
That couldn't tell which

iLion
02-28-2011, 04:55 AM
My dachshund is learning to speak
In German, in French, and in Greek.
He thinks that a bitch
That couldn't tell which
Will love it and go really 'freak'.

Today I was basting my ham

MidlifeMark
02-28-2011, 05:13 AM
Today I was basting my ham
Instead of out digging a clam

Matera the Mad
02-28-2011, 08:40 AM
Today I was basting my ham
Instead of out digging a clam
When in walked some guy

flyingtart
02-28-2011, 12:59 PM
Today I was basting my ham
Instead of out digging a clam
When in walked some guy
In a bright yellow tie

Sir_Nigel
02-28-2011, 02:04 PM
Today I was basting my ham
Instead of out digging a clam
When in walked some guy
In a bright yellow tie
who I shot. That’s how wicked I am.


Miss Jones, when she took of her glasses,

flyingtart
02-28-2011, 04:27 PM
Miss Jones, when she took of her glasses,
Found men were inclined to make passes

Sir_Nigel
02-28-2011, 05:15 PM
Miss Jones, when she took off her glasses,
Found men were inclined to make passes
But her ruse went too far

iLion
02-28-2011, 05:59 PM
Miss Jones, when she took off her glasses,
Found men were inclined to make passes
But her ruse went too far
When she smashed up a car

Sir_Nigel
02-28-2011, 06:12 PM
Miss Jones, when she took off her glasses,
Found men were inclined to make passes
But her ruse went too far
when she smashed up a car
displaying her **** to the masses


The crowds are revolting in Libya

iLion
02-28-2011, 09:20 PM
The crowds are revolting in Libya
'cause Gadafi prefers to forbidya

flyingtart
02-28-2011, 10:53 PM
The crowds are revolting in Libya
'cause Gadafi prefers to forbidya
They're starting a riot

Sir_Nigel
03-01-2011, 12:45 PM
The crowds are revolting in Libya
'cause Gadafi prefers to forbidya
They're starting a riot
You might wanna try it

flyingtart
03-01-2011, 02:08 PM
The crowds are revolting in Libya
'cause Gadafi prefers to forbidya
They're starting a riot
You might wanna try it
You'll love it, and I wouldn't kidya


He was lauded across every nation

Sir_Nigel
03-01-2011, 02:36 PM
He was lauded across every nation
and he welcomed the trade delegation (dullest line ever)

Nymtoc
03-01-2011, 08:33 PM
He was lauded across every nation
and he welcomed the trade delegation (dullest line ever)
Till one fatal day

iLion
03-01-2011, 09:50 PM
He was lauded across every nation
and he welcomed the trade delegation
Till one fatal day
While at the buffet

flyingtart
03-01-2011, 11:41 PM
He was lauded across every nation
and he welcomed the trade delegation
Till one fatal day
While at the buffet
He spoiled it with inebriation


Have you heard about that Charlie Sheen?

Lavern08
03-02-2011, 01:34 AM
Have you heard about that Charlie Sheen?
His rants are increasingly mean

MidlifeMark
03-02-2011, 05:08 AM
Have you heard about that Charlie Sheen?
His rants are increasingly mean
So, why do we care?

Nymtoc
03-02-2011, 05:19 AM
Have you heard about that Charlie Sheen?
His rants are increasingly mean
So, why do we care?
He's full of hot air

MidlifeMark
03-02-2011, 06:04 AM
Have you heard about that Charlie Sheen?
His rants are increasingly mean
So, why do we care?
He's full of hot air
And frankly, I find him obscene.

Well, March has come in like a lion

Sir_Nigel
03-02-2011, 12:44 PM
Well, March has come in like a lion
- said the weatherman putting his tie on

flyingtart
03-02-2011, 02:43 PM
Well, March has come in like a lion
- said the weatherman putting his tie on
But what does this mean?

Sir_Nigel
03-02-2011, 04:01 PM
Well, March has come in like a lion
- said the weatherman putting his tie on
But what does this mean?
- she yelled at the screen

Nymtoc
03-02-2011, 07:22 PM
Well, March has come in like a lion
- said the weatherman putting his tie on
But what does this mean?
- she yelled at the screen
Then reached for a tissue to cry on.

"The earth is flat," Herman declared

flyingtart
03-02-2011, 07:40 PM
"The earth is flat," Herman declared
And his physics professor despaired

Lavern08
03-02-2011, 10:23 PM
"The earth is flat," Herman declared
And his physics professor despaired
But Herman insisted

Nymtoc
03-02-2011, 11:32 PM
"The earth is flat," Herman declared
And his physics professor despaired
But Herman insisted
And loudly persisted

MidlifeMark
03-03-2011, 05:36 AM
"The earth is flat," Herman declared
And his physics professor despaired
But Herman insisted
And loudly persisted
While the rest of the class sat and stared.

Now, Bostonians love their baked beans

Sir_Nigel
03-03-2011, 12:45 PM
Now, Bostonians love their baked beans
and All-bran and roughage and greens

flyingtart
03-03-2011, 01:47 PM
Now, Bostonians love their baked beans
and All-bran and roughage and greens
But the saddest part

Sir_Nigel
03-03-2011, 02:03 PM
Now, Bostonians love their baked beans
and All-bran and roughage and greens
But the saddest part
is the fig and prune tart

flyingtart
03-03-2011, 04:54 PM
Now, Bostonians love their baked beans
and All-bran and roughage and greens
But the saddest part
is the fig and prune tart
And the flatulence which causes scenes


She ran twenty miles every day

Nymtoc
03-03-2011, 06:40 PM
She ran twenty miles every day
Though she had just one leg, sad to say

Sir_Nigel
03-03-2011, 06:58 PM
She ran twenty miles every day
Though she had just one leg, sad to say
which is more of a hop

Lavern08
03-03-2011, 09:33 PM
She ran twenty miles every day
Though she had just one leg, sad to say
which is more of a hop
But she just wouldn't stop

Nymtoc
03-03-2011, 11:43 PM
She ran twenty miles every day
Though she had just one leg, sad to say
which is more of a hop
But she just wouldn't stop
Now she's listed in Guinness. Hooray!

This hole in the ground leads to Hell

Lavern08
03-04-2011, 12:43 AM
This hole in the ground leads to Hell
To enter you must ring a bell

MidlifeMark
03-04-2011, 06:16 AM
This hole in the ground leads to Hell
To enter you must ring a bell
And once you go in,

Sir_Nigel
03-04-2011, 12:36 PM
This hole in the ground leads to Hell
To enter you must ring a bell
And once you go in,
there are floozies and gin

flyingtart
03-04-2011, 01:10 PM
This hole in the ground leads to Hell
To enter you must ring a bell
And once you go in,
there are floozies and gin
And a weird diabolical smell


The girl in the blue denim dress

Sir_Nigel
03-04-2011, 01:58 PM
The girl in the blue denim dress
had something bizarre to confess….

Lavern08
03-04-2011, 07:27 PM
The girl in the blue denim dress
had something bizarre to confess….
She howled at the moon

MidlifeMark
03-04-2011, 07:48 PM
The girl in the blue denim dress
had something bizarre to confess….
She howled at the moon
Each Thursday in June

Nymtoc
03-04-2011, 08:45 PM
The girl in the blue denim dress
had something bizarre to confess….
She howled at the moon
Each Thursday in June
Then showed us her...but I digress.

Suzanne lost her favorite doll

iLion
03-04-2011, 09:11 PM
Suzanne lost her favorite doll;
She smashed it too hard with her maul

Lavern08
03-04-2011, 09:16 PM
Suzanne lost her favorite doll;
She smashed it too hard with her maul
The doll actually cried

iLion
03-04-2011, 09:28 PM
Suzanne lost her favorite doll;
She smashed it too hard with her maul
The doll actually cried
Then farted and died

MidlifeMark
03-04-2011, 09:45 PM
Suzanne lost her favorite doll;
She smashed it too hard with her maul
The doll actually cried
Then farted and died
Suzanne now has no doll at all.

Now, wheat germ is loaded with fiber

Nymtoc
03-05-2011, 05:30 AM
Now, wheat germ is loaded with fiber
The best, they say, grows by the Tiber

flyingtart
03-05-2011, 02:50 PM
Now, wheat germ is loaded with fiber
The best, they say, grows by the Tiber
But I prefer bread

Nymtoc
03-05-2011, 02:58 PM
Now, wheat germ is loaded with fiber
The best, they say, grows by the Tiber
But I prefer bread
With marmelade spread

archerjoe
03-06-2011, 03:07 AM
Now, wheat germ is loaded with fiber
The best, they say, grows by the Tiber
But I prefer bread
With marmelade spread
Like Mom makes provided I bribe her

My wife makes a lot of demands

MidlifeMark
03-06-2011, 06:05 PM
My wife makes a lot of demands
She claims I've got time on my hands

flyingtart
03-06-2011, 06:30 PM
My wife makes a lot of demands
She claims I've got time on my hands
But I do not care

MidlifeMark
03-06-2011, 06:31 PM
My wife makes a lot of demands
She claims I've got time on my hands
But I do not care
For her I can spare

Sir_Nigel
03-07-2011, 12:45 PM
My wife makes a lot of demands
She claims I've got time on my hands
But I do not care
For her I can spare
a few hours to fit tight gastric bands.

The lady’s a bit of a porker

flyingtart
03-07-2011, 02:51 PM
The lady’s a bit of a porker
And her face is a bit of a corker

Nymtoc
03-07-2011, 05:12 PM
The lady’s a bit of a porker
And her face is a bit of a corker
And yet she knows how

flyingtart
03-07-2011, 06:37 PM
The lady’s a bit of a porker
And her face is a bit of a corker
And yet she knows how
To raise an eyebrow

Sir_Nigel
03-07-2011, 07:29 PM
The lady’s a bit of a porker
And her face is a bit of a corker
And yet she knows how
To raise an eyebrow
with her ping pong routine in Majorca


I’ll write the next line in a hurry

archerjoe
03-07-2011, 10:10 PM
I’ll write the next line in a hurry
But it'll be good; don't you worry

Nymtoc
03-07-2011, 10:21 PM
I’ll write the next line in a hurry
But it'll be good; don't you worry
My muse is right here

flyingtart
03-07-2011, 10:54 PM
I’ll write the next line in a hurry
But it'll be good; don't you worry
My muse is right here
Whisp'ring in my ear

MidlifeMark
03-08-2011, 07:07 AM
I’ll write the next line in a hurry
But it'll be good; don't you worry
My muse is right here
Whisp'ring in my ear
(but his breath reeks of old chicken curry)

A young bronco rider named Dusty

archerjoe
03-08-2011, 07:12 AM
A young bronco rider named Dusty
Had hand-me-down spurs that were rusty