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flyingtart
12-02-2010, 05:06 PM
December's upon us so soon
Channakkah starts after noon.
I'm going to go shopping
With my kangaroo hopping
And humming a seasonal tune.


"Take that!" Cried the Duke of Buccleuch

Nymtoc
12-02-2010, 06:28 PM
"Take that!" Cried the Duke of Buccleuch
As he brandished his sword of bamboo

MidlifeMark
12-02-2010, 10:41 PM
"Take that!" Cried the Duke of Buccleuch
As he brandished his sword of bamboo
And skewered a goat

Nymtoc
12-02-2010, 10:56 PM
"Take that!" Cried the Duke of Buccleuch
As he brandished his sword of bamboo
And skewered a goat
That had peed in the moat

MidlifeMark
12-03-2010, 04:52 AM
"Take that!" Cried the Duke of Buccleuch
As he brandished his sword of bamboo
And skewered a goat
That had peed in the moat
And crapped in the Duke's tennis shoe.

Now, knives make a great Christmas gift

iLion
12-03-2010, 05:52 AM
Now, knives make a great Christmas gift
For children with whom you are miffed

StephanieFox
12-03-2010, 11:25 AM
Now, knives make a great Christmas gift
For children with whom you are miffed
With a new sharpened edge

Apsu
12-03-2010, 03:32 PM
Now, knives make a great Christmas gift
For children with whom you are miffed
With a new sharpened edge
And a grin, I'll allege

Nymtoc
12-03-2010, 04:49 PM
Now, knives make a great Christmas gift
For children with whom you are miffed
With a new sharpened edge
And a grin, I'll allege
They'll have fun, if nobody gets stiffed.

Some people say Christmas is bunk

iLion
12-03-2010, 04:58 PM
Some people say Christmas is bunk
They hate all the shopping for junk

flyingtart
12-03-2010, 06:25 PM
Some people say Christmas is bunk
They hate all the shopping for junk
Trudging round malls

slcboston
12-03-2010, 06:46 PM
Some people say Christmas is bunk
They hate all the shopping for junk
Trudging round malls
With garish decked halls

Nymtoc
12-03-2010, 06:49 PM
Some people say Christmas is bunk
They hate all the shopping for junk
Trudging round malls
With garish decked halls
No wonder they go and get drunk.

Real candles will light up my tree

flyingtart
12-03-2010, 08:16 PM
Real candles will light up my tree
What a conflagration there'll be

iLion
12-03-2010, 09:16 PM
Real candles will light up my tree
What a conflagration there'll be
with branches ablaze

MidlifeMark
12-03-2010, 09:37 PM
Real candles will light up my tree
What a conflagration there'll be
with branches ablaze
and thick, smoky haze

flyingtart
12-04-2010, 03:54 PM
Real candles will light up my tree
What a conflagration there'll be
with branches ablaze
and thick, smoky haze
It should burn till a quarter to three.


The elves are all beavering away

iLion
12-04-2010, 05:51 PM
The elves are all beavering away;
Finally working, not drinking, today.

MidlifeMark
12-04-2010, 08:17 PM
The elves are all beavering away;
Finally working, not drinking, today.
As they pound out those toys

iLion
12-05-2010, 01:49 AM
The elves are all beavering away;
Finally working, not drinking, today.
As they pound out those toys
to create childhood joys

Nymtoc
12-05-2010, 02:33 AM
The elves are all beavering away;
Finally working, not drinking, today.
As they pound out those toys
to create childhood joys,
And they've never asked Santa for pay.

"Oh, no!" cried one. "Rudolph is sick!"

StephanieFox
12-05-2010, 04:44 AM
"Oh, no!" cried one. "Rudolph is sick!"
(We mean Wilma, the track and field chick.)

MidlifeMark
12-05-2010, 04:54 AM
"Oh, no!" cried one. "Rudolph is sick!"
(We mean Wilma, the track and field chick.)
"His nose isn't glowing!"

iLion
12-05-2010, 07:17 AM
"Oh, no!" cried one. "Rudolph is sick!"
(We mean Wilma, the track and field chick.)
"His nose isn't glowing!"
What is that that's showing?

Nymtoc
12-05-2010, 11:22 AM
"Oh, no!" cried one. "Rudolph is sick!"
(We mean Wilma, the track and field chick.)
"His nose isn't glowing!"
What is that that's showing?
And what will this mean for St. Nick?

Perhaps Blitzen's red eyes will do

flyingtart
12-05-2010, 02:46 PM
Perhaps Blitzen's red eyes will do
And Prancer's big antlers glow too

slcboston
12-05-2010, 11:52 PM
Perhaps Blitzen's red eyes will do
And Prancer's big antlers glow too
But Rudolph's the best

flyingtart
12-06-2010, 12:07 AM
Perhaps Blitzen's red eyes will do
And Prancer's big antlers glow too
But Rudolph's the best
Outshining the rest

Matera the Mad
12-06-2010, 08:42 AM
Perhaps Blitzen's red eyes will do
And Prancer's big antlers glow too
But Rudolph's the best
Outshining the rest
You can see it from far Timbuktu!

If Santa used yaks for his sleigh

flyingtart
12-06-2010, 01:00 PM
If Santa used yaks for his sleigh
He'd assuredly lose his way

Sir_Nigel
12-06-2010, 01:42 PM
If Santa used yaks for his sleigh
He'd assuredly lose his way
And moose or gnu

Nymtoc
12-06-2010, 03:55 PM
If Santa used yaks for his sleigh
He'd assuredly lose his way
And moose or gnu
Or--worse--kangaroo

Sir_Nigel
12-06-2010, 06:45 PM
If Santa used yaks for his sleigh
He'd assuredly lose his way
And moose or gnu
Or--worse--kangaroo
would take until Michaelmas Day



Slowly it rose from the grave

Lavern08
12-06-2010, 06:54 PM
Slowly and quietly, it rose from the grave
Looking for victims to turn into slaves

Sir_Nigel
12-06-2010, 07:17 PM
Ahem.

Limerick?

Diddly diddly dee.
widdly widdly wee


Did I miss a meeting?

flyingtart
12-06-2010, 07:56 PM
I'm with you, sir nig.

How about this:

Slowly it rose from the grave
Looking for poor souls to enslave

iLion
12-07-2010, 02:28 AM
(with minor modification)

Slowly it rose from the grave
Looking for souls to enslave
It stuck out its tongue

Nymtoc
12-07-2010, 02:30 AM
Slowly it rose from the grave
Looking for souls to enslave
It stuck out its tongue
And spat out some dung

archerjoe
12-07-2010, 05:04 AM
Slowly it rose from the grave
Looking for souls to enslave
It stuck out its tongue
And spat out some dung
Scaring all but Archer the Brave

Actually, Joe wet his pants

RevisionIsTheKey
12-07-2010, 06:16 AM
Actually, Joe wet his pants,
A decidedly gross happenstance

flyingtart
12-07-2010, 01:05 PM
Actually, Joe wet his pants,
A decidedly gross happenstance
His plentiful pee

Sir_Nigel
12-07-2010, 01:18 PM
Actually, Joe wet his pants,
A decidedly gross happenstance
His plentiful pee
formed a warm inland sea

archerjoe
12-07-2010, 09:08 PM
Actually, Joe wet his pants,
A decidedly gross happenstance
His plentiful pee
formed a warm inland sea
And flooded a large part of France

The scent of a real Christmas tree

Nymtoc
12-07-2010, 09:14 PM
The scent of a real Christmas tree
Brings back many fond memories to me

iLion
12-07-2010, 10:40 PM
The scent of a real Christmas tree
Brings back many fond memories to me
Schlogging through snow

Lavern08
12-08-2010, 12:51 AM
The scent of a real Christmas tree
Brings back many fond memories to me
Schlogging through snow
Through the woods we would go

Nymtoc
12-08-2010, 08:26 AM
The scent of a real Christmas tree
Brings back many fond memories to me
Schlogging through snow
Through the woods we would go
Singing "Jingle Bells." Merry were we!

Too much eggnog is not a good thing

Sir_Nigel
12-08-2010, 12:27 PM
Too much eggnog is not a good thing
You’ll pass out and wake up in Spring

flyingtart
12-08-2010, 01:28 PM
Too much eggnog is not a good thing
You’ll pass out and wake up in Spring
So just fill a thimble

Nymtoc
12-08-2010, 05:33 PM
Too much eggnog is not a good thing
You’ll pass out and wake up in Spring
So just fill a thimble
And try to stay nimble

Sir_Nigel
12-08-2010, 05:55 PM
Too much eggnog is not a good thing
You’ll pass out and wake up in Spring
So just fill a thimble
And try to stay nimble
‘May you days all be merry’ sang Bing


It’s Christmas! roars Noddy again

flyingtart
12-09-2010, 03:04 PM
It’s Christmas! roars Noddy again
Deafening all sorts of men

flyingtart
12-10-2010, 02:11 PM
It’s Christmas! roars Noddy again
Deafening all sorts of men
And ladies as well

Apsu
12-10-2010, 03:05 PM
It’s Christmas! roars Noddy again
Deafening all sorts of men
And ladies as well
Ah shit, what the hell

Sir_Nigel
12-10-2010, 03:28 PM
It’s Christmas! roars Noddy again
Deafening all sorts of men
And ladies as well
Ah shit, what the hell
There’s whisky, I’ll pour it, say when.


There was a young lady from Goole

flyingtart
12-10-2010, 03:30 PM
There was a young lady from Goole
Who sat on a rickety stool

MidlifeMark
12-10-2010, 04:44 PM
There was a young lady from Goole
Who sat on a rickety stool
It shimmied and swayed

Sir_Nigel
12-10-2010, 05:04 PM
There was a young lady from Goole
Who sat on a rickety stool
It shimmied and swayed
'til the legs became splayed

Nymtoc
12-10-2010, 05:19 PM
There was a young lady from Goole
Who sat on a rickety stool
It shimmied and swayed
'til the legs became splayed
And she felt like an absolute fool.

The students are angry as hell

flyingtart
12-10-2010, 05:59 PM
The students are angry as hell
And Camilla's quite worried as well

Etola
12-10-2010, 07:07 PM
The students are angry as hell
And Camilla's quite worried as well.
The principal thinks

oneblindmouse
12-10-2010, 11:22 PM
The students are angry as hell
And Camilla's quite worried as well.
The principal thinks
The chancellor stinks

flyingtart
12-10-2010, 11:43 PM
The students are angry as hell
And Camilla's quite worried as well.
The principal thinks
The chancellor stinks
And he certainly gives off a smell.


While shopping for presents last night

MidlifeMark
12-11-2010, 12:42 AM
While shopping for presents last night
I had an amazing insight

archerjoe
12-11-2010, 04:42 AM
While shopping for presents last night
I had an amazing insight
To give a gift card

Carpinttas
12-11-2010, 05:50 AM
While shopping for presents last night
I had an amazing insight
To give a gift card
With a picture of Picard

flyingtart
12-11-2010, 07:40 PM
While shopping for presents last night
I had an amazing insight
To give a gift card
With a picture of Picard
Would fill all my friends with delight.


But Chloe prefers jewellery

Nymtoc
12-11-2010, 08:18 PM
But Chloe would rather have jewellery
She hates all the Christmas tomfoolery

iLion
12-11-2010, 11:24 PM
But Chloe would rather have jewellery
She hates all the Christmas tomfoolery
Diamonds and gold

Nymtoc
12-11-2010, 11:44 PM
But Chloe would rather have jewellery
She hates all the Christmas tomfoolery
Diamonds and gold
Never grow old

Nymtoc
12-12-2010, 05:50 AM
(The extra line in the above post "never get cold" doesn't fit in a limerick's structure.)

But Chloe would rather have jewellery
She hates all the Christmas tomfoolery
Diamonds and gold
Never grow old
At Yuletide, she wants shiny Yulery.

"Wait, Santa! That chimney's too small!"

Matera the Mad
12-12-2010, 06:27 AM
"Wait, Santa! That chimney's too small!"
Cried the bat hanging on the brick wall.

archerjoe
12-12-2010, 07:04 AM
"Wait, Santa! That chimney's too small!"
Cried the bat hanging on the brick wall.
You'll surely get stuck

MidlifeMark
12-12-2010, 04:15 PM
"Wait, Santa! That chimney's too small!"
Cried the bat hanging on the brick wall.
You'll surely get stuck
And then you'll be screwed

flyingtart
12-12-2010, 04:28 PM
*stuck and screwed don't rhyme, Mark

"Wait, Santa! That chimney's too small!"
Cried the bat hanging on the brick wall.
"You'll surely get stuck
Which would be bad luck
And not good for Christmas at all!"


The snowman was bored with his life

Nymtoc
12-12-2010, 05:25 PM
The snowman was bored with his life
And things had grown cold with his wife

MidlifeMark
12-12-2010, 08:47 PM
The snowman was bored with his life
And things had grown cold with his wife
His snowballs turned blue

Matera the Mad
12-12-2010, 09:50 PM
The snowman was bored with his life
And things had grown cold with his wife
His snowballs turned blue
And his big carrot too

Nymtoc
12-12-2010, 10:00 PM
The snowman was bored with his life
And things had grown cold with his wife
His snowballs turned blue
And his big carrot too
The poor fellow was frozen with strife.

When I hang up my stocking this year

flyingtart
12-12-2010, 10:53 PM
When I hang up my stocking this year
I'll anticipate Santa with fear

Nymtoc
12-13-2010, 12:30 AM
When I hang up my stocking this year
I'll anticipate Santa with fear
I haven't been nice

iLion
12-13-2010, 01:46 AM
When I hang up my stocking this year
I'll anticipate Santa with fear
I haven't been nice
I gave someone lice

Pthom
12-13-2010, 03:50 AM
When I hang up my stocking this year
I'll anticipate Santa with fear
I haven't been nice
I gave someone lice
And there's traps on the roof--for reindeer!

But now all the cookies are mine

Carpinttas
12-13-2010, 03:54 AM
But now all the cookies are mine
And I will not leave any behind

iLion
12-13-2010, 04:44 AM
But now all the cookies are mine
And I will not leave any behind
They're laced with weed

Nymtoc
12-13-2010, 09:29 AM
But now all the cookies are mine
And I will not leave any behind
They're laced with weed,
A substance I need,

flyingtart
12-13-2010, 11:47 AM
But now all the cookies are mine
And I will not leave any behind
They're laced with weed,
A substance I need,
And a cure for what ails me, I find.


My goose has escaped from his shed

Sir_Nigel
12-13-2010, 01:14 PM
My goose has escaped from his shed
He knocked out the sentry and fled

iLion
12-13-2010, 05:06 PM
My goose has escaped from his shed
He knocked out the sentry and fled
I wanted to cook

Matera the Mad
12-14-2010, 08:13 AM
My goose has escaped from his shed
He knocked out the sentry and fled
I wanted to cook
But my plans I've forsook

Nymtoc
12-14-2010, 09:16 AM
My goose has escaped from his shed
He knocked out the sentry and fled
I wanted to cook
But my plans I've forsook
Guess I'll have to serve cold cuts instead.

Most people say Tim is a dork

flyingtart
12-14-2010, 01:06 PM
Most people say Tim is a dork
Cos he picks his toenails with a fork

Sir_Nigel
12-14-2010, 05:01 PM
Most people say Tim is a dork
Cos he picks his toenails with a fork
and his nose with a spoon

Nymtoc
12-14-2010, 05:05 PM
Most people say Tim is a dork
Cos he picks his toenails with a fork
and his nose with a spoon
and he laughs like a loon

flyingtart
12-14-2010, 06:23 PM
Most people say Tim is a dork
Cos he picks his toenails with a fork
and his nose with a spoon
and he laughs like a loon
I won't say what he does with a cork.


My Auntie's on X Factor now

iLion
12-14-2010, 09:41 PM
My Auntie's on X Factor now
She sings like a very sick cow

Nymtoc
12-14-2010, 10:19 PM
My Auntie's on X Factor now
She sings like a very sick cow
The judges all fled

MidlifeMark
12-15-2010, 04:28 AM
My Auntie's on X Factor now
She sings like a very sick cow
The judges all fled
And their ears all bled

iLion
12-15-2010, 07:30 AM
My Auntie's on X Factor now
She sings like a very sick cow
The judges all fled
And their ears all bled
But she won anyway somehow.

They frisked me and x-rayed my bod

Sir_Nigel
12-15-2010, 12:26 PM
They frisked me and x-rayed my bod
and one of them muttered 'That's odd'

flyingtart
12-15-2010, 01:11 PM
They frisked me and x-rayed my bod
and one of them muttered 'That's odd!
It appears that your spleen

Nymtoc
12-15-2010, 05:10 PM
They frisked me and x-rayed my bod
and one of them muttered 'That's odd!
It appears that your spleen
Looks like a sardine

flyingtart
12-15-2010, 06:38 PM
They frisked me and x-rayed my bod
and one of them muttered 'That's odd!
It appears that your spleen
Looks like a sardine
And your liver a fresh water cod!'


Lorenzo was feeling quite narked

Sir_Nigel
12-15-2010, 07:41 PM
Lorenzo was feeling quite narked
His new marble floor had been marked

flyingtart
12-16-2010, 12:57 AM
Lorenzo was feeling quite narked
His new marble floor had been marked
So he scrubbed it with Cif

Nymtoc
12-16-2010, 02:33 AM
Lorenzo was feeling quite narked
His new marble floor had been marked
So he scrubbed it with Cif
But his hands grew stiff

Pthom
12-16-2010, 05:51 AM
Lorenzo was feeling quite narked
His new marble floor had been marked
So he scrubbed it with Cif
But his hands soon grew stiff
"This is sucky," the old man remarked.

If it's apples or oranges you blame

Sir_Nigel
12-16-2010, 12:28 PM
If it's apples or oranges you blame
for your internet fruit fetish shame

flyingtart
12-16-2010, 04:27 PM
If it's apples or oranges you blame
for your internet fruit fetish shame
Try frozen banana

Sir_Nigel
12-16-2010, 04:56 PM
If it's apples or oranges you blame
for your internet fruit fetish shame
Try frozen banana -
Extra large – from Guyana

Nymtoc
12-16-2010, 05:03 PM
If it's apples or oranges you blame
for your internet fruit fetish shame
Try frozen banana -
Extra large – from Guyana
"It has sex appeal!" you'll exclaim.

The temperature just keeps on dropping

iLion
12-16-2010, 06:36 PM
The temperature just keeps on dropping
Is global warmth suddenly stopping?

flyingtart
12-16-2010, 07:06 PM
The temperature just keeps on dropping
Is global warmth suddenly stopping?
My fridge feels quite snug

iLion
12-16-2010, 09:02 PM
The temperature just keeps on dropping
Is global warmth suddenly stopping?
My fridge feels quite snug
So climb in and hug

Sir_Nigel
12-17-2010, 01:04 PM
The temperature just keeps on dropping
Is global warmth suddenly stopping?
My fridge feels quite snug
So climb in and hug
a close friend ‘til their eyes begin popping (eh?)



That’s a feeble inadequate line

flyingtart
12-17-2010, 02:26 PM
That’s a feeble inadequate line
And the concept is quite asinine

Sir_Nigel
12-17-2010, 02:42 PM
That’s a feeble inadequate line
And the concept is quite asinine
I'll go get my coat

Nymtoc
12-17-2010, 05:09 PM
That’s a feeble inadequate line
And the concept is quite asinine
I'll go get my coat
The trash that I wrote

Sir_Nigel
12-17-2010, 05:18 PM
That’s a feeble inadequate line
And the concept is quite asinine
I'll go get my coat
The trash that I wrote
was due to my fondness for wine.


Whilst scurrying hither and thither

flyingtart
12-17-2010, 10:53 PM
Whilst scurrying hither and thither
I could not help wondering whither

Pthom
12-18-2010, 10:03 AM
Whilst scurrying hither and thither
I could not help wondering whither
This lim'rick came from

Nymtoc
12-18-2010, 12:06 PM
Whilst scurrying hither and thither
I could not help wondering whither
This lim'rick came from
It's terribly dumb

flyingtart
12-18-2010, 02:48 PM
Whilst scurrying hither and thither
I could not help wondering whither
This lim'rick came from
It's terribly dumb
And it's getting me all in a dither.


Thank heavens that last one has ended

Nymtoc
12-18-2010, 08:55 PM
Thank heavens that last one has ended
It sucked, and it couldn't be mended

MidlifeMark
12-18-2010, 09:52 PM
Thank heavens that last one has ended
It sucked, and it couldn't be mended
But here is a chance

iLion
12-18-2010, 10:30 PM
Thank heavens that last one has ended
It sucked, and it couldn't be mended
But here is a chance
Our skills to advance

Nymtoc
12-18-2010, 10:45 PM
Thank heavens that last one has ended
It sucked, and it couldn't be mended
But here is a chance
Our skills to advance
Though some of our skills are pretended.

When the landscape is covered with snow

flyingtart
12-18-2010, 10:52 PM
When the landscape is covered with snow
My lawn is much harder to mow

Matera the Mad
12-19-2010, 03:02 AM
When the landscape is covered with snow
My lawn is much harder to mow
I'm busting my ass

Nymtoc
12-19-2010, 03:11 AM
When the landscape is covered with snow
My lawn is much harder to mow
I'm busting my ass
But I can't find the grass

MidlifeMark
12-19-2010, 03:42 AM
When the landscape is covered with snow
My lawn is much harder to mow
I'm busting my ass
But I can't find the grass
And my mower's in need of a tow.

Tomorrow the Pats host the Packers

BudBoxer
12-19-2010, 03:59 AM
Tomorrow the Pats host the Packers
My tailgate is rife with stale crackers

iLion
12-19-2010, 06:18 AM
Tomorrow the Pats host the Packers
My tailgate is rife with stale crackers
The beer has gone flat

MidlifeMark
12-19-2010, 06:03 PM
Tomorrow the Pats host the Packers
My tailgate is rife with stale crackers
The beer has gone flat
I can't find my hat

Nymtoc
12-19-2010, 09:09 PM
Tomorrow the Pats host the Packers
My tailgate is rife with stale crackers
The beer has gone flat
I can't find my hat
And my truck has been looted by slackers.

But so what? It's only a game.

iLion
12-19-2010, 11:57 PM
But so what? It's only a game.
And getting upset is too lame.

Pthom
12-20-2010, 05:48 AM
But so what? It's only a game.
And getting upset is too lame.
If I add enough peppers

iLion
12-20-2010, 06:11 AM
But so what? It's only a game.
And getting upset is too lame.
If I add enough peppers
It may ward off the lepers

Sir_Nigel
12-20-2010, 12:43 PM
But so what? It's only a game.
And getting upset is too lame.
If I add enough peppers
It may ward off the lepers
whose affliction can blemish or maim.


‘Unclean!’ he cried ringing his bell

flyingtart
12-20-2010, 01:15 PM
‘Unclean!’ he cried ringing his bell
For his feet were emitting a smell

Sir_Nigel
12-20-2010, 01:39 PM
‘Unclean!’ he cried ringing his bell
For his feet were emitting a smell
so the villagers fled

Apsu
12-20-2010, 02:09 PM
‘Unclean!’ he cried ringing his bell
For his feet were emitting a smell
so the villagers fled
But he followed and said

Sir_Nigel
12-20-2010, 03:11 PM
‘Unclean!’ he cried ringing his bell
For his feet were emitting a smell
so the villagers fled
But he followed and said
‘You’re a sensitive lot I can tell’


There was a young fellow named Fritz

flyingtart
12-20-2010, 03:57 PM
There was a young fellow named Fritz
Whose hair was infested with nits

Nymtoc
12-20-2010, 04:16 PM
There was a young fellow named Fritz
Whose hair was infested with nits
He bought some shampoo

Sir_Nigel
12-20-2010, 05:20 PM
There was a young fellow named Fritz
Whose hair was infested with nits
He bought some shampoo
but the nit numbers grew

flyingtart
12-20-2010, 07:00 PM
There was a young fellow named Fritz
Whose hair was infested with nits
He bought some shampoo
but the nit numbers grew
So he tried napalm to have a blitz


A stuttering vicar called S-S-S-S-Stanley

archerjoe
12-20-2010, 08:41 PM
A stuttering vicar called S-S-S-S-Stanley
Pumped iron for an image more m-m-m-manly

iLion
12-20-2010, 11:01 PM
A stuttering vicar called S-S-S-S-Stanley
Pumped iron for an image more m-m-m-manly
But the organist said

Sir_Nigel
12-21-2010, 12:25 PM
A stuttering vicar called S-S-S-S-Stanley
Pumped iron for an image more m-m-m-manly
But the organist said
Pump this thing instead

flyingtart
12-21-2010, 01:06 PM
A stuttering vicar called S-S-S-S-Stanley
Pumped iron for an image more m-m-m-manly
But the organist said
Pump this thing instead
Now he talks just like Clifford Hanley


'Twas the night before Christmas, said she

Sir_Nigel
12-21-2010, 03:00 PM
'Twas the night before Christmas, said she
OK? Now stop bothering me

iLion
12-21-2010, 09:55 PM
'Twas the night before Christmas, said she
OK? Now stop bothering me
You'll get what you want

Nymtoc
12-21-2010, 10:14 PM
'Twas the night before Christmas, said she
OK? Now stop bothering me
You'll get what you want
I'll send for my aunt

Sir_Nigel
12-22-2010, 12:24 PM
'Twas the night before Christmas, said she
OK? Now stop bothering me
You'll get what you want
I'll send for my aunt
with the blueprints, the cash and the key.


Oh look its beginning to snow

flyingtart
12-22-2010, 01:41 PM
Oh look its beginning to snow
I should be delighted, although

Sir_Nigel
12-22-2010, 02:42 PM
Oh look its beginning to snow
I should be delighted, although
the weather man said

Kerlee
12-22-2010, 02:55 PM
Oh look its beginning to snow
I should be delighted, although
the weather man said
'it's now time to shed'

Sir_Nigel
12-22-2010, 03:53 PM
Oh look its beginning to snow
I should be delighted, although
the weather man said
'it's now time to shed
all your clothes’ Should I give it a go?


It might be a little bit rude

iLion
12-22-2010, 09:53 PM
It might be a little bit rude
To run through the town in the nude

flyingtart
12-22-2010, 10:58 PM
It might be a little bit rude
To run through the town in the nude
And in icy weather

iLion
12-23-2010, 05:42 AM
It might be a little bit rude
To run through the town in the nude
And in icy weather
My skin looks like leather

Kerlee
12-23-2010, 06:22 AM
It might be a little bit rude
To run through the town in the nude
And in icy weather
My skin looks like leather
but now's not the right time to brood



the dirty wench threw up her skirt

iLion
12-23-2010, 07:30 AM
the dirty wench threw up her skirt
in bold attempt to tease and flirt

flyingtart
12-23-2010, 02:00 PM
the dirty wench threw up her skirt
in bold attempt to tease and flirt
But the horny old sailor

iLion
12-23-2010, 08:42 PM
the dirty wench threw up her skirt
in bold attempt to tease and flirt
But the horny old sailor
just could not nail her

flyingtart
12-23-2010, 11:14 PM
the dirty wench threw up her skirt
in bold attempt to tease and flirt
But the horny old sailor
just could not nail her
In spite of her nipples so pert


She visited Homer in jail

Nymtoc
12-23-2010, 11:22 PM
She visited Homer in jail
And slipped him a bottle of ale

talkwrite
12-24-2010, 02:20 AM
She visited Homer in jail
And slipped him a bottle of ale
He smiled and took a sip

flyingtart
12-24-2010, 01:45 PM
She visited Homer in jail
And slipped him a bottle of ale
He took a small sip*
And was heard to quip


*edited to scan

Kerlee
12-24-2010, 05:27 PM
She visited Homer in jail
And slipped him a bottle of ale
He took a small sip*
And was heard to quip
'now use it just right you'll get bail'



we all went quite red while in town

iLion
12-24-2010, 06:05 PM
we all went quite red while in town
but others were tanned a nice brown

Nymtoc
12-24-2010, 09:33 PM
We all went quite red while in town
But others were tanned a nice brown
And one funny fellow

iLion
12-24-2010, 09:39 PM
We all went quite red while in town
But others were tanned a nice brown
And one funny fellow
Turned out brightly yellow

Lavern08
12-24-2010, 09:49 PM
We all went quite red while in town
But others were tanned a nice brown
And one funny fellow
Turned out brightly yellow
He said he was "wired for sound."

The Christmas tree just caught afire

iLion
12-24-2010, 09:52 PM
The Christmas tree just caught afire
Lets roast marshmallows on a strong wire

flyingtart
12-24-2010, 10:38 PM
The Christmas tree just caught afire
Lets roast marshmallows on a strong wire
And when they are done

iLion
12-24-2010, 11:02 PM
The Christmas tree just caught afire
Lets roast marshmallows on a strong wire
And when they are done
A Hot dog and bun

flyingtart
12-25-2010, 11:24 PM
The Christmas tree just caught afire
Lets roast marshmallows on a strong wire
And when they are done
A Hot dog and bun
Will surely be your heart's desire


For centuries people have claimed

Matera the Mad
12-26-2010, 05:19 AM
For centuries people have claimed
That men who love men should be shamed

flyingtart
12-26-2010, 03:10 PM
For centuries people have claimed
That men who love men should be shamed
But men who love sheep

iLion
12-26-2010, 08:08 PM
For centuries people have claimed
That men who love men should be shamed
But men who love sheep
May well also reap

flyingtart
12-27-2010, 01:09 PM
For centuries people have claimed
That men who love men should be shamed
But men who love sheep
May well also reap
Great wrath, which is most seldom tamed


He lived like a real Walter Mitty

iLion
12-27-2010, 06:20 PM
He lived like a real Walter Mitty
As his life was actually shitty

flyingtart
12-27-2010, 10:39 PM
He lived like a real Walter Mitty
As his life was actually shitty
His penthouse hovel

iLion
12-28-2010, 12:07 AM
He lived like a real Walter Mitty
As his life was actually shitty
His penthouse hovel
And facial stubble

Matera the Mad
12-28-2010, 08:34 AM
He lived like a real Walter Mitty
As his life was actually shitty
His penthouse hovel
And facial stubble
Were by far the worst known in the city.

When he asked a few guests up to dinner,

flyingtart
12-28-2010, 12:58 PM
When he asked a few guests up to dinner,
He was sure he was onto a winner

Matera the Mad
12-28-2010, 04:05 PM
When he asked a few guests up to dinner,
He was sure he was onto a winner
But when they arrived

iLion
12-28-2010, 09:23 PM
When he asked a few guests up to dinner,
He was sure he was onto a winner
But when they arrived
They shucked and they jived

flyingtart
12-28-2010, 11:00 PM
When he asked a few guests up to dinner,
He was sure he was onto a winner
But when they arrived
They shucked and they jived
And called him less saint and more sinner


While bathing, a girl named Regina

Kerlee
12-29-2010, 02:04 AM
While bathing, a girl named Regina
discovered that she had a weiner

iLion
12-29-2010, 04:36 AM
While bathing, a girl named Regina
discovered that she had a weiner
Her boyfriend, named Dick,

flyingtart
12-29-2010, 01:25 PM
While bathing, a girl named Regina
discovered that she had a weiner
Her boyfriend, named Dick,
Became very sick

iLion
12-29-2010, 09:35 PM
While bathing, a girl named Regina
discovered that she had a weiner
Her boyfriend, named Dick,
Became very sick
And wanted to no longer clean her.

Regina said, "Won't you please stay, and not go?"

Nymtoc
12-30-2010, 12:03 AM
Regina said, "Won't you please stay, and not go?"*

Regina said, "Please, stay--don't go!"
But Dick said, "No, I'll go read Poe."




*The line doesn't scan.

iLion
12-30-2010, 04:54 AM
Regina said, "Please, stay--don't go!"
But Dick said, "No, I'll go read Poe."
"But Poe is dead

Nymtoc
12-30-2010, 05:08 AM
Regina said, "Please, stay--don't go!"
But Dick said, "No, I'll go read Poe."
"But Poe is dead."
"I'll read Palin instead."

flyingtart
12-30-2010, 02:00 PM
Regina said, "Please, stay--don't go!"
But Dick said, "No, I'll go read Poe."
"But Poe is dead."
"I'll read Palin instead."
To which everybody cried "No!"


While strolling one day down the Strand

Nymtoc
12-30-2010, 06:24 PM
While strolling one day down the Strand
Penelope heard a brass band

iLion
12-30-2010, 09:52 PM
While strolling one day down the Strand
Penelope heard a brass band
She broke into dance

archerjoe
12-30-2010, 09:54 PM
While strolling one day down the Strand
Penelope heard a brass band
She broke into dance
Despite her tight pants

iLion
12-30-2010, 10:17 PM
While strolling one day down the Strand
Penelope heard a brass band
She broke into dance
Despite her tight pants
Which split somewhere near Lapland.

There once was a beach in Brazil

flyingtart
12-31-2010, 02:16 PM
There once was a beach in Brazil
Where lurked a sunbather called Jill

archerjoe
12-31-2010, 09:18 PM
There once was a beach in Brazil
Where lurked a sunbather called Jill
The local attire

flyingtart
01-01-2011, 04:11 PM
There once was a beach in Brazil
Where lurked a sunbather called Jill
The local attire
Was utterly dire

Nymtoc
01-01-2011, 10:18 PM
There once was a beach in Brazil
Where lurked a sunbather called Jill
The local attire
Was utterly dire
But Jill's outfit gave folks a thrill.

A curious hobo named Bob

flyingtart
01-01-2011, 11:10 PM
A curious hobo named Bob
Turned to his mutt with a sob

iLion
01-01-2011, 11:48 PM
A curious hobo named Bob
Turned to his mutt with a sob
I'm hungry and cold

archerjoe
01-02-2011, 12:34 AM
A curious hobo named Bob
Turned to his mutt with a sob
I'm hungry and cold
And ugly, I'm told

Nymtoc
01-02-2011, 02:43 AM
A curious hobo named Bob
Turned to his mutt with a sob
I'm hungry and cold
And ugly, I'm told
And most people think I'm a slob.

One night at the court of Versailles

flyingtart
01-02-2011, 05:32 PM
One night at the court of Versailles
King Louis was eating a pie

archerjoe
01-02-2011, 10:35 PM
One night at the court of Versailles
King Louis was eating a pie
But in it he found

iLion
01-03-2011, 04:07 AM
One night at the court of Versailles
King Louis was eating a pie
But in it he found
T'was hair by the pound

flyingtart
01-03-2011, 08:14 PM
One night at the court of Versailles
King Louis was eating a pie
But in it he found
T'was hair by the pound
So he threw it all up lest he die


A fan of MacMillan and Wife

iLion
01-03-2011, 09:33 PM
A fan of MacMillan and Wife
I watch 'cuz I don't have a life

flyingtart
01-03-2011, 11:14 PM
A fan of MacMillan and Wife
I watch 'cuz I don't have a life
I love the chauffeur

Kerlee
01-04-2011, 04:15 AM
A fan of MacMillan and Wife
I watch 'cuz I don't have a life
I love the chauffeur
he's handsome as per

iLion
01-04-2011, 04:41 AM
A fan of MacMillan and Wife,
(I watch 'cuz I don't have a life)
I love the chauffeur;
he's handsome as per
my sister whose playing his fife.

These limericks all seem so insane

Matera the Mad
01-04-2011, 04:43 AM
These limericks all seem so insane
Words of infinite wit spent in vain

iLion
01-04-2011, 05:09 AM
These limericks all seem so insane.
Words of infinite wit spent in vain.
Lets publish them all

Matera the Mad
01-04-2011, 08:37 AM
These limericks all seem so insane.
Words of infinite wit spent in vain.
Lets publish them all
In a book ten feet tall

Nymtoc
01-04-2011, 09:22 AM
These limericks all seem so insane.
Words of infinite wit spent in vain.
Lets publish them all
In a book ten feet tall
To be read again and again.

Some words can be rhymed in two ways

Sir_Nigel
01-04-2011, 01:44 PM
Some words can be rhymed in two ways
and either may earn you high praise

flyingtart
01-04-2011, 08:46 PM
Some words can be rhymed in two ways
and either may earn you high praise
But finding a rhyme

Nymtoc
01-04-2011, 08:48 PM
Some words can be rhymed in two ways
and either may earn you high praise
But finding a rhyme
Can take lots of time

talkwrite
01-04-2011, 10:03 PM
Some words can be rhymed in two ways
and either may earn you high praise
But finding a rhyme
Can take lots of time
That 's why this was finished in days

Madame Curie cooked up a brew

flyingtart
01-04-2011, 11:12 PM
Madame Curie cooked up a brew
And drank it at quarter to two

Apsu
01-05-2011, 12:04 AM
Madame Curie cooked up a brew
And drank it at quarter to two
Sacrificed a hawk

Kerlee
01-05-2011, 08:30 AM
Madame Curie cooked up a brew
And drank it at quarter to two
Sacrificed a hawk,
whiskey plus the cork

Sir_Nigel
01-05-2011, 12:30 PM
Madame Curie cooked up a brew
And drank it at quarter to two
Sacrificed a hawk,
whiskey plus the cork
Then she died. It was sad. Boo hoo.

I suddenly fancy a riddle

flyingtart
01-05-2011, 01:17 PM
I suddenly fancy a riddle
With a mystery right in the middle

Sir_Nigel
01-05-2011, 01:21 PM
I suddenly fancy a riddle
With a mystery right in the middle
and perhaps a conundrum

Nymtoc
01-05-2011, 03:03 PM
I suddenly fancy a riddle
With a mystery right in the middle
and perhaps a conundrum
Combined with a pundrum*





*okay, I made it up.

Sir_Nigel
01-05-2011, 04:18 PM
I suddenly fancy a riddle
With a mystery right in the middle
and perhaps a conundrum
Combined with a pundrum*
and a bottle of Scotch from the Lidl


Lidl - A German-owned store

flyingtart
01-05-2011, 04:52 PM
Lidl - A German-owned store
Stock cheap paperbacks by the score

Nymtoc
01-05-2011, 05:43 PM
Lidl - A German-owned store
Stock cheap paperbacks by the score
Why aren't my books there?

Sir_Nigel
01-05-2011, 05:58 PM
Lidl - A German-owned store
Stock cheap paperbacks by the score
Why aren't my books there?
I’ve got plenty to spare

flyingtart
01-05-2011, 06:25 PM
Lidl - A German-owned store
Stock cheap paperbacks by the score
Why aren't my books there?
I’ve got plenty to spare
But the manager showed me the door


I picked up a fella in Rhyl

iLion
01-05-2011, 09:45 PM
I picked up a fella in Rhyl
And carried him more than a mile

Kerlee
01-06-2011, 01:07 AM
I picked up a fella in Rhyl
And carried him more than a mile
he near broke my back

talkwrite
01-06-2011, 03:18 AM
I picked up a fella in Rhyl
And carried him more than a mile
he near broke my back
My vigor did not slack

Nymtoc
01-06-2011, 04:20 AM
I picked up a fella in Rhyl
And carried him more than a mile
he near broke my back
My vim did not slack
Though I huffed and I puffed for a while.

I kept going southward through Wales

Kerlee
01-06-2011, 05:47 AM
I kept going southward through Wales
amassing some real sordid tales

Sir_Nigel
01-06-2011, 12:32 PM
I kept going southward through Wales
amassing some real sordid tales
But in Ystradgynlais

flyingtart
01-06-2011, 01:54 PM
I kept going southward through Wales
amassing some real sordid tales
But in Ystradgynlais
I nearly fell twice

Sir_Nigel
01-06-2011, 03:25 PM
I kept going southward through Wales
amassing some real sordid tales
But in Ystradgynlais
I nearly fell twice
due to rickety safety rails.


‘I’m bored’ he declared with a yawn

Kerlee
01-06-2011, 04:58 PM
I’m bored’ he declared with a yawn
'and I'm tired of mowing this lawn'

flyingtart
01-06-2011, 08:04 PM
I’m bored’ he declared with a yawn
'and I'm tired of mowing this lawn'
I'll paint it instead

Lavern08
01-06-2011, 08:07 PM
I’m bored’ he declared with a yawn
'and I'm tired of mowing this lawn'
I'll paint it instead
A fine shade of red