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Pthom
10-21-2005, 05:16 AM
Last night at a quarter to ten
I heard a loud crash in the den
I picked up my beer
[and] succumbing to fears
of the egg that was left by the hen

A salad that's made with an egg

poetinahat
10-21-2005, 07:03 AM
A salad that's made with an egg
will stain if you spill on your leg

AdamH
10-21-2005, 08:22 AM
A salad that's made with an egg
will stain if you spill on your leg
So you'd better prepare,

Pthom
10-21-2005, 09:36 AM
A salad that's made with an egg
will stain if you spill on your leg
So you'd better prepare,
that is, if you care...

Tiaga
10-21-2005, 09:51 AM
A salad that's made with an egg
will stain if you spill on your leg
So you'd better prepare,
that is, if you care...
'bout salads and regs about eggs.




There was an old Geezer

Meaney
10-21-2005, 10:15 AM
There was an old Geezer
[searching for kneecap-busting smilie with baseball bat]

Tiaga, limericks have a particular meter (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=332260&postcount=855). Please refer to that link.
Adjusted for meter:

There was an old geezer with gout

poetinahat
10-21-2005, 10:20 AM
There was an old geezer with gout
whose moustache contained sauerkraut

reph
10-21-2005, 10:39 AM
There was an old geezer with gout
whose moustache contained sauerkraut
On his shirt was a stain

Tiaga
10-21-2005, 10:43 AM
There was an old geezer with gout
whose moustache contained sauerkraut
They said he's a weenie
I said no that's Meaney
if it's not right he starts to pout!



More money than brains that is true

Meaney
10-21-2005, 10:51 AM
There was an old geezer with gout
whose moustache contained sauerkraut
On his shirt was a stain
and his life was mundane

Sorry, Tiaga, one line at a time. If you don't play by the rules, your posts will just be ignored.

Tiaga
10-21-2005, 11:04 AM
There was an old geezer with gout
whose moustache contained sauerkraut
On his shirt was a stain
and his life was mundane
bolstered by barrels of stout.





His clothes were ragged and old

Meaney
10-21-2005, 11:10 AM
His clothes were ragged and old
His nose was bedraggled with cold

Tiaga
10-21-2005, 11:25 AM
His clothes were ragged and old
His nose was bedraggled with cold
His red eyes did itch

poetinahat
10-21-2005, 11:34 AM
His clothes were ragged and old
His nose was bedraggled with cold
His red eyes did itch
from staring at 'Hitch'

Meaney
10-21-2005, 12:07 PM
His clothes were ragged and old
His nose was bedraggled with cold
His red eyes did itch
from staring at 'Hitch'
(well, from the acapulco gold.)

More money than brains that is true

Pat~
10-21-2005, 04:52 PM
More money than brains that is true
Of those buying everything new

Unique
10-22-2005, 02:53 AM
More money than brains that is true
Of those buying everything new
Some of this, some of that

Tiaga
10-22-2005, 08:18 AM
More money than brains that is true
Of those buying everything new
Some of this, some of that
First a dog then a cat

Pat~
10-22-2005, 06:29 PM
:Huh: ?

Edited to say thanks for the revision ;).

Unique
10-23-2005, 12:12 AM
More money than brains that is true
Of those buying everything new
Some of this, some of that
First a dog then a cat
I gave it all up for a shrew.


My granny wears frilly old hats

Pthom
10-23-2005, 01:18 AM
My granny wears frilly old hats
And sleeps with about twenty cats

Solatium
10-23-2005, 01:56 AM
My granny wears frilly old hats
And sleeps with about twenty cats --
And the cats sleep with her, so

Tiaga
10-23-2005, 07:28 AM
My granny wears frilly old hats
And sleeps with about twenty cats --
And the cats sleep with her, so
the old man will have to go.

Unique
10-23-2005, 07:33 AM
My granny wears frilly old hats
And sleeps with about twenty cats --
And the cats sleep with her, so
the old man will have to go
the whiskers are driving him bats.


If a monkey, a cow and a loon

Tiaga
10-23-2005, 07:41 AM
If a monkey, a cow and a loon
played checkers from morning till noon.

reph
10-23-2005, 08:38 AM
If a monkey, a cow and a loon
played checkers from morning till noon,
When the three broke for lunch

Pat~
10-23-2005, 09:01 AM
If a monkey, a cow and a loon
played checkers from morning till noon,
When the three broke for lunch
They would sip mango punch

Meaney
10-23-2005, 01:07 PM
If a monkey, a cow and a loon
played checkers from morning till noon,
When the three broke for lunch
They would sip mango punch
then play on till the rise of the moon.

When the moon rose, the loon took his leave

Solatium
10-23-2005, 02:32 PM
When the moon rose, the loon took his leave,
And the monkey could scarcely believe

Unique
10-23-2005, 03:38 PM
When the moon rose, the loon took his leave,
And the monkey could scarcely believe
the game wasn't done

Meaney
10-23-2005, 04:57 PM
When the moon rose, the loon took his leave,
which* the monkey could scarcely believe;
the game wasn't done—
why, they'd hardly begun!

* Sorry, Solatium; had to adjust the grammar to match Unique's line

Tiaga
10-23-2005, 10:06 PM
When the moon rose, the loon took his leave,
which* the monkey could scarcely believe;
the game wasn't done—
why, they'd hardly begun!
The cow mooed "well if you please"!


Boys will be boys, and girls will be girls

Pthom
10-26-2005, 09:01 AM
Boys will be boys, and girls will be girls

well . . . . . . .

This ain't quite the desired meter of the opening line of a limerick...although if I were you, Tiaga, I'd keep it in mind for lines three and four. (Scroll up a few dozen pages for several instructional missives on how to format a limerick.)

So...with the thought your attempt DOES bring to mind, lemme offer the following:

When boys play with girls (and not toys)...

reph
10-26-2005, 09:57 AM
When boys play with girls (and not toys),
They try not to make too much noise

pianoman5
10-26-2005, 11:39 AM
When boys play with girls (and not toys),
They try not to make too much noise
But a full-throated shout

Meaney
10-26-2005, 12:42 PM
When boys play with girls (and not toys),
They try not to make too much noise
But a full-throated shout
and a pint of old stout

Unique
10-27-2005, 03:25 PM
When boys play with girls (and not toys),
They try not to make too much noise
But a full-throated shout
and a pint of old stout
They soon shed their clothes with their poise.




A man had a blue and a moose

threedogpeople
10-27-2005, 06:27 PM
A man had a blue and a moose
Which he tried to trade for a goose

Meaney
10-27-2005, 06:35 PM
A man had a blue and a moose
Hmm... since this fits the limerick meter, if I interpret "blue" as meaning "fight," as it does in Aussie slang, I can almost rescue the grammar...

A man had a blue with a moose; :box:
was arrested for wildlife abuse

threedogpeople
10-27-2005, 06:42 PM
I interpreted "blue" to mean profane, indecent, off-color (as in a blue movie). For whatever it's worth, my second line was written to mean that the man was trying to trade a blue (movie) and moose for a goose.

Unique
10-27-2005, 07:43 PM
A man had a blue and a moose
Which he tried to trade for a goose


Oh, you guys. I'm sorry. 'Blue and a moose' was some old slang picked up in Ontario.
A blue & moose was a 5 dollar bill & a quarter (the price of a pitcher of beer back then - so 'tried to trade for a goose' worked for me.
Sorry for being 'obscure'

pconsidine
10-28-2005, 12:54 AM
A man had a blue and a moose
Which he tried to trade for a goose.
When the goose went a-runnin'

Solatium
10-28-2005, 01:02 AM
A man had a blue and a moose
Which he tried to trade for a goose.
When the goose went a-runnin'
The fellow was done in:

pconsidine
10-28-2005, 01:49 AM
A man had a blue and a moose
Which he tried to trade for a goose.
When the goose went a-runnin'
The fellow was done in
and went on a hunt for a noose.

The qualifications for court

pianoman5
10-28-2005, 05:11 AM
The qualifications for court
Are such that a barrister ought

reph
10-28-2005, 06:45 AM
The qualifications for court
Are such that a barrister ought
Have a sound backup plan

Meaney
10-28-2005, 08:41 AM
The qualifications for court
Are such that a barrister ought
Have a sound backup plan—
like removalist man—

Pthom
10-28-2005, 10:22 AM
Dunno what dialect you all speak, but where I come from, the only parts of 'court' and 'ought' that rhyme are the Ts....

anyway...I'll pick one:

The qualifications for court
Are such that a barrister ought
Have a sound backup plan—
like removalist man—
or get caught sound asleep in the fort.

(emphasis, italics and underline indicate the words that rhyme to my ears.)

Let's see what you all do with this:

There once was a sweetie from Durham

reph
10-28-2005, 10:44 AM
(Pthom, sometimes we settle for approximate rhymes. Real poets do, too.)

There once was a sweetie from Durham
Who could neither kill patients nor cure 'em

Pthom
10-28-2005, 11:05 AM
(Pthom, sometimes we settle for approximate rhymes. Real poets do, too.)didn't I?

And who says I'm even remotely close to being a poet, real or otherwise? lol

There once was a sweetie from Durham
Who could neither kill patients nor cure 'em
So she waffled and stewed

pianoman5
10-28-2005, 11:17 AM
Pthom, I can't imagine what dialect variation pronounces 'ought' other than like the following:

http://www.bartleby.com/61/16/O0151600.html

There once was a sweetie from Durham
Who could neither kill patients nor cure 'em
So she waffled and stewed
Did her rounds in the nude

Unique
10-28-2005, 04:07 PM
There once was a sweetie from Durham
Who could neither kill patients nor cure 'em
So she waffled and stewed
Did her rounds in the nude
And patients, oh my, she did lure 'em!


A courageous old warhorse from Leeds

pconsidine
10-28-2005, 06:50 PM
A courageous old warhorse from Leeds
one day found himself in the weeds

Meaney
10-29-2005, 05:38 PM
Well, to my Australian ear, court has a very soft R. To practise this, an American should say "court" as he would normally, then say the word again with exactly the same vowel sound but completely remove the R (perhaps an American would spell it phonetically as "cawt" (not to be confused with "caht.")) Many English dialects will pronounce it this way as well. An Aussie will then pronounce "ought" more like "awt" than like "aht," as an American will.

Which is why I'm a bit perplexed that fellow Aussie pianoman5, who initiated the rhyme, justified it with a pronunciation from the American Heritage Dictionary!


A courageous old warhorse from Leeds
one day found himself in the weeds
He pulled out his sword

threedogpeople
10-29-2005, 11:05 PM
A courageous old warhorse from Leeds
one day found himself in the weeds
He pulled out his sword.
She screamed, "Oh, my Lord!"

Unique
10-30-2005, 02:16 AM
A courageous old warhorse from Leeds
one day found himself in the weeds
He pulled out his sword.
She screamed, "Oh, my Lord!"
"You've always looked better in tweeds!"



In Kansas we deal with the weather

Meaney
10-30-2005, 09:26 AM
In Kansas we deal with the weather
Nevada thoughts deal with the nether

Solatium
10-30-2005, 09:46 AM
In Kansas we deal with the weather
Nevada thoughts deal with the nether
But here in New Jersey

threedogpeople
10-30-2005, 09:55 AM
In Kansas we deal with the weather
Nevada thoughts deal with the nether
But here in New Jersey,
milk comes from guernseys, (It's a stretch, OK?)

reph
10-30-2005, 10:13 AM
In Kansas we deal with the weather
Nevada thoughts deal with the nether
But here in New Jersey,
milk comes from a Guernsey,
Who may later be turned into leather.

A snowflake fell right on my nose

Pthom
10-30-2005, 10:22 AM
(It's a stretch, OK?)...are you hinting for a pun? I'm not biting.

In Kansas we deal with the weather
Nevada thoughts deal with the nether
But here in New Jersey,
Milk comes from a Guernsey, [adjusted for meter and to 'unstretch' it]
That's tied to a tree with a tether.

In the Florentine rain an old Tuscan

Pthom
10-30-2005, 12:31 PM
A snowflake fell right on my nose
Then it melted and dripped on my toes

reph
10-30-2005, 10:19 PM
In the Florentine rain an old Tuscan
Scrawled graffiti in ancient Etruscan

pianoman5
10-31-2005, 02:49 AM
In the Florentine rain an old Tuscan
Scrawled graffiti in ancient Etruscan
Though his words were imbued

poetinahat
10-31-2005, 08:04 AM
In the Florentine rain an old Tuscan
Scrawled graffiti in ancient Etruscan
Though his words were imbued
with analogies crude

reph
10-31-2005, 12:42 PM
In the Florentine rain an old Tuscan
Scrawled graffiti in ancient Etruscan
Though his words were imbued
with analogies crude
They'd the wit of, oh, say, David Susskind.

An Einstein or Newton I'm not

Solatium
10-31-2005, 01:43 PM
An Einstein or Newton I'm not;
I'll stick with the brains that I've got

---

A snowflake fell right on my nose
Then it melted and dripped on my toes,
Which made my feet chilly

Pthom
10-31-2005, 03:23 PM
A snowflake fell right on my nose
Then it melted and dripped on my toes,
Which made my feet chilly
And I felt kind of silly

poetinahat
10-31-2005, 03:35 PM
A snowflake fell right on my nose
Then it melted and dripped on my toes,
Which made my feet chilly
And I felt kind of silly
but certainly not lachrymose

----------

An Einstein or Newton I'm not;
I'll stick with the brains that I've got
my ignorant bliss

Meaney
10-31-2005, 04:25 PM
:Clap: :thankyou:


In the Florentine rain an old Tuscan
Scrawled graffiti in ancient Etruscan
Though his words were imbued
with analogies crude
They'd the wit of, oh, say, David Susskind.


An Einstein or Newton I'm not;
I'll stick with the brains that I've got.
My ignorant bliss
may be an abyss

reph
11-01-2005, 03:34 AM
An Einstein or Newton I'm not;
I'll stick with the brains that I've got.
My ignorant bliss
may be an abyss–
Who needs smarts when your body's this hot?

I like Potter books, Harry or Beatrix,

poetinahat
11-01-2005, 05:23 AM
I like Potter books, Harry or Beatrix,
and tuxes, as worn to high tea at Rick's*

*: as in Casablanca. If too farfetched, please overrule.

Pat~
11-01-2005, 05:31 AM
http://bestsmileys.com/anxious/1.gif



(Is it my imagination, or are there not a lot of syllababbles in this limerick?)

Pat~
11-01-2005, 05:34 AM
I figured it out!

I like POT-ter books...
(and the second line you say real fast :-))

poetinahat
11-01-2005, 05:35 AM
Since both lines end in a dactyl (metrical foot with one accented syllable followed by two unstressed, e.g. 'flattery'), we get away with it.

Or do we?

reph
11-01-2005, 06:16 AM
The meter passes my inspection, at any rate.

I like POT-ter books, HAR-ry or BE-a-trix,
and TUX-es, as WORN to high TEA-at-Rick's

I like Potter books, Harry or Beatrix,
and tuxes, as worn to high tea at Rick's,
Though my funds won't permit

Pat~
11-01-2005, 06:43 AM
Since both lines end in a dactyl (metrical foot with one accented syllable followed by two unstressed, e.g. 'flattery'), we get away with it.

Or do we?

I think we get away with it. I was confused when I first read it, but sorted it out when I put the emphasis on POT instead of LIKE. :)

Meaney
11-01-2005, 02:13 PM
I like Potter books, Harry or Beatrix,
and tuxes, as worn to high tea at Rick's*

*: as in Casablanca. If too farfetched, please overrule.
The meter is tight, but it works. Poetinahat does a valiant job in meeting both the meter and the internal rhyme structure... but since when did Rick's serve high tea?! Must have been after he sold it to the Sheraton chain of hotels.


I like Potter books, Harry* or Beatrix,
and tuxes, as worn to high tea at Rick's,
Though my funds won't permit
the high life led legit

*: for the record, I don't.

reph
11-01-2005, 10:28 PM
I like Potter books, Harry or Beatrix,
and tuxes, as worn to high tea at Rick's,
Though my funds won't permit
the high life led legit,
I sneak undeserved luxuries via tricks.

(As comic-book heroes say after straining themselves, oof!)

Are our rhymers quite up to this challenge?

poetinahat
11-02-2005, 07:07 AM
Are our rhymers quite up to this challenge?
And you're wondering, "would such a pal lendj'[a]"

threedogpeople
11-02-2005, 07:34 AM
Are our rhymers quite up to this challenge?
And you're wondering, "would such a pal lendj'[a]"
you've made my brain hurt

PattiTheWicked
11-02-2005, 07:40 AM
Are our rhymers quite up to this challenge?
And you're wondering, "would such a pal lendj'[a]"
you've made my brain hurt --
I'll go lay in the dirt

poetinahat
11-02-2005, 07:47 AM
Are our rhymers quite up to this challenge?
And you're wondering, "would such a pal lendj'[a]"
you've made my brain hurt --
I'll go lay in the dirt
and dream of the high chapparal, NJ

The Love Boat is one sort of Ark

reph
11-02-2005, 12:01 PM
Are our rhymers quite up to this challenge?
And you're wondering, "would such a great pal lendj' [metric adjustment]
ya a hand if your line couldn't end well?"

Never mind. I see this one was euthanized.

The Love Boat is one sort of Ark
Where the passengers kiss in the dark

Pthom
11-02-2005, 01:56 PM
One good thing about dead horses: you can feed 'em just about anything--used motor oil, sawdust, dust bunnies... Now, I've been to NJ, and I didn't see one bit of chapparal...nor any chaparral. It's just too dang humid there. They got sand, though...lots of it.

The Love Boat is one sort of Ark
Where the passengers kiss in the dark.
Oh how they coo as they woo!

Meaney
11-02-2005, 03:05 PM
The Love Boat is one sort of Ark
Where the passengers kiss in the dark.
[Oh] how they coo as they woo
(including crew)! Two by two,

pianoman5
11-02-2005, 03:22 PM
The Love Boat is one sort of Ark
Where the passengers kiss in the dark.
[Oh] how they coo as they woo
(including crew)! Two by two,
Genetically making their mark

Methuselah lived nine hundred years

Pat~
11-02-2005, 08:17 PM
Methuselah lived nine hundred years
Well-respected by all of his peers

reph
11-02-2005, 11:33 PM
(Do we owe something to the Gershwin estate now?)

Methuselah lived nine hundred years
Well-respected by all of his peers
If you're reading his story

poetinahat
11-03-2005, 04:38 AM
Methuselah lived nine hundred years
Well-respected by all of his peers
If you're reading his story
You'll know that he's hoary

Pthom
11-03-2005, 11:20 AM
Methuselah lived nine hundred years
Well-respected by all of his peers.
If you're reading his story
You'll know that he's hoary:
Imagine the hair in his ears!

I tripped on the box in the hall

Meaney
11-03-2005, 05:24 PM
I tripped on the box in the hall
and woke up somewhere west of Nepal

pconsidine
11-03-2005, 06:19 PM
I tripped on the box in the hall
and woke up somewhere west of Nepal.
Though the air is quite clear

Solatium
11-03-2005, 07:01 PM
I tripped on the box in the hall
and woke up somewhere west of Nepal.
Though the air is quite clear,
I still wish I weren't here:

pconsidine
11-03-2005, 08:34 PM
I tripped on the box in the hall
and woke up somewhere west of Nepal.
Though the air is quite clear,
I still wish I weren't here
and I have no idea who to call.


When out with the bulls in Pamplona

watcher
11-03-2005, 11:53 PM
When out with the bulls in Pamplona
Do not bring any bologna

pconsidine
11-04-2005, 01:27 AM
When out with the bulls in Pamplona
Do not bring any bologna.
If you do, you'll regret

reph
11-04-2005, 05:12 AM
When out with the bulls in Pamplona
Do not bring any bologna.
If you do, you'll regret
Lacking medic or vet

Pthom
11-04-2005, 01:34 PM
When out with the bulls in Pamplona
Do not bring any bologna.
If you do, you'll regret
Lacking medic or vet
Those two wonderful gents from Verona.

Oh, yes! I do like bar-b-que!

Alphabet
11-04-2005, 02:40 PM
Oh, yes! I do like bar-b-que!
But keep it between me and you

threedogpeople
11-04-2005, 07:50 PM
Oh, yes! I do like bar-b-que!
But keep it between me and you
a maestro I'm not

Unique
11-04-2005, 07:53 PM
Oh, yes! I do like bar-b-que!
But keep it between me and you
a maestro I'm not
but cooking what's hot

Pat~
11-04-2005, 08:02 PM
Oh, yes! I do like bar-b-que!
But keep it between me and you
a maestro I'm not
but cooking what's hot
is something I like to do.

My cousin eats nothing but pickles

Unique
11-04-2005, 09:40 PM
My cousin eats nothing but pickles
He buys them up town with his nickels

reph
11-04-2005, 10:24 PM
My cousin eats nothing but pickles
He buys them up town with his nickels
If you give him a dime

watcher
11-04-2005, 10:38 PM
My cousin eats nothing but pickles
He buys them up town with his nickels
If you give him a dime
He'd have a good time
A bill, he'd be even more tickled


On the edge of a cliff lived an ogre

Pthom
11-04-2005, 10:52 PM
On the edge of a cliff lived an ogre
He purchased his victuals at Kroger

Unique
11-04-2005, 10:56 PM
On the edge of a cliff lived an ogre
He purchased his victuals at Kroger
While shopping for spuds

reph
11-04-2005, 11:01 PM
On the edge of a cliff lived an ogre
He purchased his victuals at Kroger
While shopping for spuds
And a box of Milk Duds

Pthom
11-05-2005, 02:49 AM
On the edge of a cliff lived an ogre
He purchased his victuals at Kroger
While shopping for spuds
And a box of Milk Duds
His home was destroyed by a 'dozer

When snow and sleet are in the forecast

Meaney
11-05-2005, 07:43 AM
When snow and sleet are the forecast [adjusted for meter]
The Post is, by Nature, outclassed

poetinahat
11-05-2005, 04:18 PM
When snow and sleet are the forecast [adjusted for meter]
The Post is, by Nature, outclassed
But when the sun shines

threedogpeople
11-05-2005, 09:29 PM
When snow and sleet are the forecast [adjusted for meter]
The Post is, by Nature, outclassed
But when the sun shines
I write a few lines

Meaney
11-06-2005, 09:22 AM
When snow and sleet are the forecast
The Post is, by Nature, outclassed
But when the sun shines
I write a few lines
and the mailman delivers 'em fast.

The Kung Fu Shiatsu masseuse

reph
11-06-2005, 12:20 PM
The Kung Fu Shiatsu masseuse
Can throw you from here to Toulouse.

Carole
11-06-2005, 06:05 PM
The Kung Fu Shiatsu masseuse
Can throw you from here to Toulouse.
She'll not break a sweat

poetinahat
11-07-2005, 08:16 AM
The Kung Fu Shiatsu masseuse
Can throw you from here to Toulouse.
She'll not break a sweat
nor the silence, and yet

watcher
11-07-2005, 09:10 AM
The Kung Fu Shiatsu masseuse
Can throw you from here to Toulouse.
She'll not break a sweat
nor the silence, and yet
but beware, she might crack your caboose.

On a windy day south of Havanna

reph
11-07-2005, 09:44 AM
On a windy day south of Havana
From the sky fell a truckload of manna

Meaney
11-08-2005, 06:57 AM
On a windy day south of Havana
From the sky fell a truckload of manna
But then fell the truck

Pat~
11-08-2005, 08:01 AM
On a windy day south of Havana
From the sky fell a truckload of manna
But then fell the truck
On one unlucky duck

poetinahat
11-08-2005, 08:20 AM
On a windy day south of Havana
From the sky fell a truckload of manna
But then fell the truck
On one unlucky duck
And presto! - duck-manna bandana

The pizza delivery boy

WVWriterGirl
11-08-2005, 08:32 AM
The pizza delivery boy
Rode fast on his two-wheeled toy

Pthom
11-08-2005, 12:48 PM
The pizza delivery boy
Rode fast on his two-wheeled toy
But he couldn't quite manage

Solatium
11-08-2005, 07:30 PM
The pizza delivery boy
Rode fast on his two-wheeled toy
But he couldn't quite manage
To gain an advantage

poetinahat
11-09-2005, 04:23 AM
The pizza delivery boy
Rode fast on his two-wheeled toy
But he couldn't quite manage
To gain an advantage
on the horse sent for Helen of Troy

A French attaché in Botswana

reph
11-09-2005, 04:45 AM
A French attaché in Botswana
Went looking in vain for a sauna

poetinahat
11-09-2005, 08:17 AM
A French attaché in Botswana
Went looking in vain for a sauna
but she ran into peril

reph
11-09-2005, 08:38 AM
A French attaché in Botswana
Went looking in vain for a sauna
but she ran into peril
When she peeked in a barrel

Unique
11-09-2005, 08:42 AM
A French attaché in Botswana
Went looking in vain for a sauna
but she ran into peril
When she peeked in a barrel
And found more flora than fauna.



A giggling gaggle of geese

Pthom
11-09-2005, 01:08 PM
A giggling gaggle of geese
On the lookout for mirthful release

PattiTheWicked
11-09-2005, 05:57 PM
A giggling gaggle of geese
On the lookout for mirthful release
Drank far too much brew

Pthom
11-10-2005, 02:06 AM
A giggling gaggle of geese
On the lookout for mirthful release
Drank far too much brew
And when they were threw

pconsidine
11-10-2005, 02:15 AM
A giggling gaggle of geese,
On the lookout for mirthful release,
Drank far too much brew
And, when they were threw,
needed dozens of aspirin apiece.

A gentleman from north of Springfield

Pthom
11-10-2005, 02:28 AM
LOL...I can't believe I did that..."threw" LOL

A gentleman from north of Springfield
Paused at the sign that said: YIELD.

reph
11-10-2005, 02:28 AM
A gentleman from north of Springfield
Bought a dull knife and not a damn thing peeled

watcher
11-10-2005, 08:39 AM
A gentleman from north of Springfield
Bought a dull knife and not a damn thing peeled
But what an excuse

poetinahat
11-10-2005, 09:21 AM
A gentleman from north of Springfield
Bought a dull knife and not a damn thing peeled
But what an excuse
to hire a masseuse

Meaney
11-10-2005, 09:52 AM
A gentleman from north of Springfield
Bought a dull knife and not a damn thing peeled
But what an excuse
to hire a masseuse
and meantime the soup stock congealed.

Can I resurrect this one? I thought it was promising:

A gentleman from north of Springfield
Paused at the sign that said: YIELD.
He argued "But why?!"

reph
11-10-2005, 10:38 AM
A gentleman from north of Springfield
Paused at the sign that said: YIELD. Meter: tsk, tsk
He argued "But why?!"
Then a truck zoomed on by

Pthom
11-10-2005, 12:02 PM
A gentleman from north of Springfield
Paused at the sign that said: YIELD. Meter: tsk, tsk*
He argued "But why?!"
Then a truck zoomed on by
And the reason for YIELD was revealed.

*And this meter is better? "Bought a dull knife and not a damn thing peeled"
Looks like too many syllables to me, but then, so does "A gentleman from north of Springfield." Aren't lines one, two and five supposed to fit within the following rhythm?

da DUH da da DUH da da Duh da
(nine syllables)

with some allowances for leading and trailing non-stressed extras as in:

When the Lady from Springfield went walloping.

So I read the prompt as follows, even though it was a stretch:

A gentleman from north of Springfield

... and my submission fit like this (I thought):

Paused at the sign that said: YIELD.
(I dropped the initial 'da' and didn't include the extras within the line)

On the other hand, what do I know? I just play this game.

When my cell phone fell into the sink

reph
11-10-2005, 01:10 PM
(Pthom, you're right, the dull-knife line doesn't exactly fit the prescribed pattern. Only if you treat its "and" like a grace note, slipping it in quietly, does the line divide into groups of three syllables. What was I thinking?!

I had to read the other line as "A GENTleman FROM north of SPRINGfield" to make limerick sense of it. This affected the way I read "Paused at the sign that said yield." I wanted an additional, accented syllable before "yield.")

When my cell phone fell into the sink
I yelled "Someone bring me a drink!"

Meaney
11-10-2005, 01:46 PM
When my cell phone fell into the sink
I yelled "Someone bring me a drink!"
With my ear to the drain

poetinahat
11-10-2005, 03:15 PM
When my cell phone fell into the sink
I yelled "Someone bring me a drink!"
With my ear to the drain
I heard 'Lady of Spain'

Pthom
11-10-2005, 10:36 PM
When my cell phone fell into the sink
I yelled "Someone bring me a drink!"
With my ear to the drain
I heard 'Lady of Spain'
And still hear it...damn, I can't think!

A big horse on four wheels is a toy

Solatium
11-10-2005, 10:49 PM
A big horse on four wheels is a toy
That not everyone seems to enjoy

pconsidine
11-10-2005, 11:11 PM
A big horse on four wheels is a toy
That not everyone seems to enjoy.
Those folks try to feed 'em

Meaney
11-12-2005, 11:34 AM
A big horse on four wheels is a toy
That not everyone seems to enjoy.
Those folks try to feed 'em
by catapult. "Freedom!"


A bit ugly, that, but I'm struggling to maintain the theme.

Pthom
11-12-2005, 01:08 PM
A big horse on four wheels is a toy
That not everyone seems to enjoy.
Those folks try to feed 'em
by catapult. "Freedom!"
And thus let the Greeks into Troy.


Forever's a long time a-coming

poetinahat
11-12-2005, 02:44 PM
Forever's a long time a-coming
more so if you've got dodgy plumbing

threedogpeople
11-12-2005, 08:49 PM
Forever's a long time a-coming
more so if you've got dodgy plumbing
or a neck that won't work

akelsey333
11-13-2005, 03:00 AM
Forever's a long time a-coming
more so if you've got dodgy plumbing
or a neck that won't work
and a man who's a jerk

threedogpeople
11-13-2005, 12:39 PM
Forever's a long time a-coming
more so if you've got dodgy plumbing
or a neck that won't work
and a man who's a jerk
whose one skill is only ride thumbing.

Snow sneaked silently down the mountain

Meaney
11-14-2005, 05:26 AM
Snow sneaked silently down the mountain
Hm... missing a limericky sort of meter, there, threedogpeople. Could I propose:

Down the mountain the silent snow sneaked

A bit tongue-twisty, but the meter fits. :)

poetinahat
11-14-2005, 05:37 AM
The meters these days are so radical
That my brain aches; I'll take a sabbatical
I'll return here betimes
to contribute new rhymes
that are lyrical, not just grammatical.

Pat~
11-14-2005, 06:09 AM
The meters these days are so radical
That my brain aches; I'll take a sabbatical
I'll return here betimes
to contribute new rhymes
that are lyrical, not just grammatical.

Our meter’s so bad that you’re leaving,
And our hearts are now sad with the grieving;
If we get back on track,
Don’t forget to come back
To help with the limerick conceiving!

Mr Underhill
11-14-2005, 08:24 AM
Snow sneaked silently down the mountainCould I propose:

Down the mountain the silent snow sneaked

The snow sneaked so quick down the mountain
The ski bucks the boss is a-countin'

Pat~
11-14-2005, 05:53 PM
The snow sneaked so quick down the mountain
The ski bucks the boss is a-countin'
The lift lines are growing

Unique
11-14-2005, 06:15 PM
The snow sneaked so quick down the mountain
The ski bucks the boss is a-countin'
The lift lines are growing
And still it keeps snowing

Pthom
11-14-2005, 11:12 PM
The snow sneaked so quick down the mountain
The ski bucks the boss is a-countin'
The lift lines are growing
And still it keeps snowing
I'd rather toss coins in a fountain!

Flattery will get you somewhere

reph
11-21-2005, 09:01 AM
(I think we finished that one and started at least one more.)

poetinahat
11-21-2005, 09:51 AM
[we did finish this and others; they were lost in the AW database restore. It's forum-wide]

Flattery will get you somewhere
- if you're lucky, the Folies Bergères -

watcher
11-21-2005, 10:02 AM
Flattery will get you somewhere
- if you're lucky, the Folies Bergères -
But what I prefer

pconsidine
11-21-2005, 09:03 PM
Flattery will get you somewhere
- if you're lucky, the Folies Bergères -
But what I prefer
is to be with a her

reph
11-22-2005, 06:03 AM
The completed limericks from the former forum:

Flattery will get you somewhere
- if you're lucky, the Folies Bergères -
But choose your words well
And try not to smell
I'll find something warm we can share...

I wound up in King Arthur's court
In the halls of old Camelot's fort
I ran into Merlin
while sneaking a girl in
and now she's the new queen consort.

The painter of nude portraits balked
When Jill asked to be penciled or chalked,
For he worked in oils
and painted the Royals
through his windows which were all well caulked.

The furnace repairman was mainly
A nut case, for he, quite insanely,
would furnish a filter
that was all out of kilter
and, being a shrub, quite ungainly.

poetinahat
11-22-2005, 06:32 AM
Flattery will get you somewhere
- if you're lucky, the Folies Bergères -
But what I prefer
is to be with a her
with no chance of a curt "au contraire"

The rules of this forum are bent

Zonk
11-22-2005, 06:39 AM
The rules of this forum are bent
and will haskins got up and went


:D:D:D

Unique
11-22-2005, 06:50 AM
The rules of this forum are bent
and will haskins got up and went
he left Unique crying

reph
11-22-2005, 07:06 AM
The rules of this forum are bent
and will haskins got up and went
he left Unique crying
While Jenna was trying

Solatium
11-23-2005, 12:16 AM
The rules of this forum are bent
and will haskins got up and went
he left Unique crying
While Jenna was trying
To work it all out before Lent.

But that's what? four? six months away?

pconsidine
11-23-2005, 02:27 AM
But that's what? four? six months away?
That's plenty of time, I must say.

poetinahat
11-23-2005, 06:19 AM
But that's what? four? six months away?
That's plenty of time, I must say.
In the meantime, who's boss here?

reph
11-23-2005, 06:47 AM
But that's what? four? six months away?
That's plenty of time, I must say.
In the meantime, who's boss here?
The one who's least cross here?

Solatium
11-23-2005, 09:20 AM
But that's what? four? six months away?
That's plenty of time, I must say.
In the meantime, who's boss here?
The one who's least cross here?
Or whoever's willing to pay?

I've a habit of watching the news

poetinahat
11-23-2005, 09:33 AM
I've a habit of watching the news
with a pipe and a glass of Chartreuse

reph
11-23-2005, 10:01 AM
I've a habit of watching the news
with a pipe and a glass of Chartreuse
If I touch the remote

Meaney
11-23-2005, 12:55 PM
I've a habit of watching the news
with a pipe and a glass of Chartreuse
If I touch the remote
the boss clears her throat

threedogpeople
11-23-2005, 06:17 PM
I've a habit of watching the news
with a pipe and a glass of Chartreuse
If I touch the remote
the boss clears her throat
and I get the workin' man blues.

The remote isn't mine you must see

Solatium
11-24-2005, 12:05 AM
The remote isn't mine, you must see;
All I have has been given to me

Pat~
11-24-2005, 12:09 AM
The remote isn't mine, you must see;
All I have has been given to me
And it's given on loan

reph
11-24-2005, 02:52 AM
The remote isn't mine, you must see;
All I have has been given to me
And it's given on loan
Not one bit is my own

poetinahat
11-24-2005, 02:56 AM
The remote isn't mine, you must see;
All I have has been given to me
And it's given on loan
Not one bit is my own
And that's how I get by tax-free!

This Thanksgiving turkey's so good

Unique
11-24-2005, 03:18 AM
This Thanksgiving turkey's so good
Last year it tasted like wood

Pat~
11-24-2005, 03:36 AM
This Thanksgiving turkey's so good
Last year it tasted like wood
(But that was because

Pthom
11-24-2005, 12:38 PM
This Thanksgiving turkey's so good
Last year it tasted like wood
(But that was because
of the carpenter clause)

reph
11-24-2005, 12:48 PM
This Thanksgiving turkey's so good
Last year it tasted like wood
(But that was because
of the carpenter clause)
I got mine from a butcher. You should.

Henrietta, Marcellus, and Clarence

poetinahat
11-24-2005, 03:17 PM
Henrietta, Marcellus, and Clarence
All look very much like their parents

threedogpeople
11-25-2005, 12:05 AM
Henrietta, Marcellus, and Clarence
All look very much like their parents
except for the rash

poetinahat
11-25-2005, 03:23 AM
Henrietta, Marcellus, and Clarence
All look very much like their parents
except for the rash
and the Chaplin moustache

reph
11-25-2005, 04:08 AM
Henrietta, Marcellus, and Clarence
All look very much like their parents
except for the rash
and the Chaplin moustache
And the big nose of dear Uncle Terence.

There is one thing I try to avoid

pianoman5
11-25-2005, 05:06 AM
There is one thing I try to avoid
Without being too paranoid

Meaney
11-27-2005, 08:09 AM
There is one thing I try to avoid—
without being too paranoid:
abduction by mobsters.

Pat~
11-27-2005, 08:15 AM
There is one thing I try to avoid—
without being too paranoid:
abduction by mobsters
who've eaten bad lobsters

Solatium
11-27-2005, 08:38 AM
There is one thing I try to avoid—
without being too paranoid:
abduction by mobsters
who've eaten bad lobsters
They got from a fellow named Lloyd.

My muse has gone missing in action

poetinahat
11-27-2005, 09:10 AM
My muse has gone missing in action
Which means I'll get no satisfaction

reph
11-27-2005, 09:12 AM
My muse has gone missing in action,
Which means I'll get no satisfaction.
What I'd give for a thought!

Pat~
11-27-2005, 09:16 AM
My muse has gone missing in action,
Which means I'll get no satisfaction.
What I'd give for a thought!
If my muse could be caught

threedogpeople
11-28-2005, 11:11 PM
My muse has gone missing in action,
Which means I'll get no satisfaction.
What I'd give for a thought!
If my muse could be caught
or forced to produce a great caption.


My house is a mess, can't you see?

pconsidine
11-28-2005, 11:28 PM
My house is a mess, can't you see?
And one might think it was because of me.

NickDangr
11-28-2005, 11:31 PM
My house is a mess, can't you see?
And one might think it was because of me.
What I need is a shovel,

pconsidine
11-28-2005, 11:34 PM
My house is a mess, can't you see?
And one might think it was because of me.
What I need is a shovel
to take care of this hovel


(Just wondering - is editing punctuation messing with the original author's intention? I find myself doing it a lot and I'd hate to think I'm stepping on toes.)

NickDangr
11-28-2005, 11:44 PM
My house is a mess, can't you see?
And one might think it was because of me.
What I need is a shovel
to take care of this hovel
And a few weeks to dig myself free!

The near-sighted monkey fell smitten...

PattiTheWicked
11-29-2005, 12:22 AM
The near-sighted monkey fell smitten...
With a saucy (and three-legged) kitten.

threedogpeople
11-29-2005, 12:29 AM
The near-sighted monkey fell smitten...
With a saucy (and three-legged) kitten.
But, the kitten gave birth

NickDangr
11-29-2005, 01:09 AM
The near-sighted monkey fell smitten...
With a saucy (and three-legged) kitten.
But, the kitten gave birth
To a chicken named Werth

reph
11-29-2005, 02:58 AM
The near-sighted monkey fell smitten...
With a saucy (and three-legged) kitten.
But, the kitten gave birth
To a chicken named Werth
With a habit of hissin' and spittin'.

I wonder what's up with my uncle

Pat~
11-29-2005, 03:41 AM
I wonder what's up with my uncle
He's digging a hole with Ted Kunkel

NickDangr
11-29-2005, 04:34 AM
I wonder what's up with my uncle
He's digging a hole with Ted Kunkel
The neighbors are rankled,

poetinahat
11-29-2005, 04:43 AM
I wonder what's up with my uncle
He's digging a hole with Ted Kunkel
The neighbors are rankled,
My aunt's swollen-ankled,

NickDangr
11-29-2005, 04:59 AM
I wonder what's up with my uncle
He's digging a hole with Ted Kunkel
The neighbors are rankled,
My aunt's swollen-ankled,
And my uncle is begging for unctals.

Billy Riley was known well for his jig...

Alphabet
11-29-2005, 05:03 AM
Billy Riley was known well for his jig...
He kept sprightly with syrup of fig

poetinahat
11-29-2005, 05:06 AM
Billy Riley was known well for his jig...
He kept sprightly with syrup of fig
But his less-limber sister

PattiTheWicked
11-29-2005, 05:43 AM
Billy Riley was known well for his jig...
He kept sprightly with syrup of fig
But his less-limber sister
Got mad when he dissed her

Pthom
11-29-2005, 06:49 AM
Billy Riley was known well for his jig...
He kept sprightly with syrup of fig
But his less-limber sister
Got mad when he dissed her
And ruined his fig-eating gig.

There once was a gent in torment

Solatium
11-29-2005, 09:26 AM
There once was a gent in torment,
For the gal who had seemed heaven-sent

(About punctuation: While I can't speak for anyone else, I put in the points I would use if I were the one continuing the limerick. If someone takes it in a different direction, and has to change the punctuation to accomodate that, it's no skin off my teeth.)

threedogpeople
11-29-2005, 09:41 AM
There once was a gent in torment,
For the gal who had seemed heaven-sent
She cleaned out his checking

poetinahat
11-29-2005, 10:17 AM
There once was a gent in torment,
For the gal who had seemed heaven-sent
She cleaned out his checking
to bankroll her necking

Meaney
11-29-2005, 03:16 PM
There once was a gent in torment
For the gal who had seemed heaven-sent
had cleaned out his checking
to bankroll her necking
then garnished him twenty percent.

The circus freak taunted the judge:

PattiTheWicked
11-29-2005, 05:43 PM
The circus freak taunted the judge
Who was well known to carry a grudge

Pat~
11-29-2005, 06:25 PM
The circus freak taunted the judge
Who was well known to carry a grudge
So he pounded his gavel

Solatium
11-29-2005, 10:40 PM
The circus freak taunted the judge
Who was well known to carry a grudge
So he pounded his gavel
And in accents of gravel

poetinahat
11-30-2005, 02:25 AM
The circus freak taunted the judge
Who was well known to carry a grudge
So he pounded his gavel
And in accents of gravel
Recited from Barnaby Rudge

When planning your holiday shopping,

Pat~
11-30-2005, 02:41 AM
When planning your holiday shopping,
You can save yourself lots of store-hopping

PattiTheWicked
11-30-2005, 03:26 AM
When planning your holiday shopping,
You can save yourself lots of store-hopping
By refusing to buy

Pthom
11-30-2005, 03:32 AM
When planning your holiday shopping,
You can save yourself lots of store-hopping
By refusing to buy
Anything for a guy

poetinahat
11-30-2005, 03:38 AM
When planning your holiday shopping,
You can save yourself lots of store-hopping
By refusing to buy
Anything for a guy
From anywhere other than Wapping

The reindeer who don't make the cut

Pthom
11-30-2005, 03:41 AM
The reindeer who don't make the cut
Have to play endless rounds of putt-putt

PattiTheWicked
11-30-2005, 03:52 AM
The reindeer who don't make the cut
Have to play endless rounds of putt-putt
and while Rudolph makes jokes

Pat~
11-30-2005, 04:17 AM
The reindeer who don't make the cut
Have to play endless rounds of putt-putt
and while Rudolph makes jokes
the rest of the blokes

poetinahat
11-30-2005, 04:51 AM
The reindeer who don't make the cut
Have to play endless rounds of putt-putt
and while Rudolph makes jokes
the rest of the blokes
stand attention when he says "Ten-HUT!"

When Curly met Larry and Moe,

writerterri
11-30-2005, 04:54 AM
When Curly met Larry and Moe,
They stepped on his big toe.

Pat~
11-30-2005, 05:38 AM
When Curly met Larry and Moe,
They stepped on his big toe.
He popped 'em but good

Meaney
11-30-2005, 09:08 AM
When Curly met Larry and Moe,
Those Stooges stepped on his big toe [meter corrected]
He popped 'em but good
with a number one wood

threedogpeople
11-30-2005, 11:16 PM
When Curly met Larry and Moe,
Those Stooges stepped on his big toe [meter corrected]
He popped 'em but good
with a number one wood
followed up by a gardening hoe.


Six sailors set out in a ship

PattiTheWicked
11-30-2005, 11:44 PM
Six sailors set out in a ship
With a captain who wielded a whip

Pthom
12-01-2005, 11:12 PM
Six sailors set out in a ship
With a captain who wielded a whip
But it didn't seem then

threedogpeople
12-05-2005, 12:21 AM
Six sailors set out in a ship
With a captain who wielded a whip
But it didn't seem then,
as they drank bathtub gin,

poetinahat
12-05-2005, 04:24 AM
Six sailors set out in a ship
With a captain who wielded a whip
But it didn't seem then,
as they drank bathtub gin,
that Elvira would use it to strip

One day in the Octopus Club

PrettySpecialGal
12-05-2005, 04:33 AM
One day in the Octopus Club
The octopus needed a rub

reph
12-05-2005, 05:43 AM
One day in the Octopus Club
The octopus needed a rub
Her masseuse, an old squid,

pianoman5
12-05-2005, 06:00 AM
One day in the Octopus Club
The octopus needed a rub
Her masseuse, an old squid,
said, "Whatever you did,

Pat~
12-05-2005, 06:09 AM
One day in the Octopus Club
The octopus needed a rub
Her masseuse, an old squid,
said, "Whatever you did,
Needs a soak in a piping hot tub.

I went Christmas shopping for hours

reph
12-05-2005, 06:11 AM
One day in the Octopus Club
The octopus needed a rub
Her masseuse, an old squid,
said, "Whatever you did,
You'll relax with my trout-herring scrub."

I can't live up north one more minute

poetinahat
12-05-2005, 06:15 AM
I went Christmas shopping for hours
And it drained all my "let's be nice" powers

I can't live up north one more minute
There's just no more levity in it

PrettySpecialGal
12-05-2005, 06:18 AM
I went Christmas shopping for hours
And it drained all my "let's be nice" powers
Just when I was done,


I can't live up north one more minute
There's just no more levity in it
I'll make my way south

threedogpeople
12-05-2005, 06:26 AM
I went Christmas shopping for hours
And it drained all my "let's be nice" powers
Just when I was done,
and stopped being fun,


I can't live up north one more minute
There's just no more levity in it
I'll make my way south
cuss words dead in my mouth

Pthom
12-05-2005, 06:44 AM
I went Christmas shopping for hours
And it drained all my "let's be nice" powers
Just when I was done,
and stopped being fun,
'Cause I saw reindeer poop in my flowers.

I can't live up north one more minute
There's just no more levity in it
I'll make my way south
cuss words dead in my mouth
Don't you dare say to just grin and bear it!

(whew)

My grandmother's chocolate fudge cookies

threedogpeople
12-05-2005, 06:48 AM
My grandmother's chocolate fudge cookies
should not be eaten by rookies

Pat~
12-05-2005, 07:10 AM
My grandmother's chocolate fudge cookies
should not be eaten by rookies
They're loaded with chips

PattiTheWicked
12-05-2005, 07:21 AM
My grandmother's chocolate fudge cookies
should not be eaten by rookies
They're loaded with chips
So if your blood sugar dips