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Albedo of Zero
08-19-2010, 09:08 AM
Odysseus was one clever Greek
He shined up his shield and did peek
under someone's dress

flyingtart
08-19-2010, 12:50 PM
(My, my, what a kerfuffle!)

Odysseus was one clever Greek
He shined up his shield and did peek
under someone's dress
But none the less

Nymtoc
08-19-2010, 04:25 PM
Odysseus was one clever Greek
He shined up his shield and did peek
under someone's dress
But none the less
You've got to admit he had cheek.

They say that old Homer was blind

flyingtart
08-19-2010, 04:44 PM
They say that old Homer was blind
To wed one with a huge behind

iLion
08-19-2010, 05:20 PM
They say that old Homer was blind
To wed one with a huge behind
But the braille, he felt,

RevisionIsTheKey
08-20-2010, 02:29 AM
They say that old Homer was blind
To wed one with a huge behind
But the braille, he felt,
On her chastity belt

flyingtart
08-20-2010, 11:56 AM
They say that old Homer was blind
To wed one with a huge behind
But the braille, he felt,
On her chastity belt
Put nought but good sex on his mind.


Angelina's well named, so they say

Nymtoc
08-20-2010, 02:09 PM
Angelina's well named, so they say
She's as sweet as a fragrant bouquet

flyingtart
08-20-2010, 03:12 PM
Angelina's well named, so they say
She's as sweet as a fragrant bouquet
But pity the guy

Nymtoc
08-20-2010, 07:02 PM
Angelina's well named, so they say
She's as sweet as a fragrant bouquet
But pity the guy
Who catches her eye

Pthom
08-21-2010, 02:16 AM
Angelina's well named, so they say
She's as sweet as a fragrant bouquet
But pity the guy
Who catches her eye
'Cause it falls out, when with it we play!

O round is the orb in the sky!

iLion
08-21-2010, 04:38 AM
And it's often I wonder just why

RevisionIsTheKey
08-21-2010, 05:31 AM
O round is the orb in the sky!
And it's often I wonder just why
The warmth of its rays

Nymtoc
08-21-2010, 07:46 AM
O round is the orb in the sky!
And it's often I wonder just why
The warmth of its rays
O'er mangoes and maize

flyingtart
08-21-2010, 02:55 PM
O round is the orb in the sky!
And it's often I wonder just why
The warmth of its rays
O'er mangoes and maize
Makes all the poor grasshoppers die.


While pickling herring one night

Nymtoc
08-21-2010, 04:07 PM
While pickling herring one night
I suddenly knew what to write

flyingtart
08-21-2010, 05:10 PM
While pickling herring one night
I suddenly knew what to write
I reached for my pen

Nymtoc
08-21-2010, 08:35 PM
While pickling herring one night
I suddenly knew what to write
I reached for my pen
And wrote. "Two fat men

RevisionIsTheKey
08-21-2010, 10:54 PM
While pickling herring one night
I suddenly knew what to write
I reached for my pen
And wrote. "Two fat men
Who smelt piscatorial blight..."

Some words are flat out fun to say

flyingtart
08-22-2010, 04:30 PM
Some words are flat out fun to say
I like to say one every day

Nymtoc
08-22-2010, 04:41 PM
Some words are flat out fun to say
I like to say one every day
Like "hullabaloo"

flyingtart
08-22-2010, 11:08 PM
Some words are flat out fun to say
I like to say one every day
Like "hullabaloo"
And "vindaloo"

Nymtoc
08-22-2010, 11:15 PM
Some words are flat out fun to say
I like to say one every day
Like "hullabaloo"
And "vindaloo"
And "alphanumeric display."

My knowledge of English is slight

Lavern08
08-23-2010, 12:32 AM
My knowledge of English is slight
I try, but I can't get it right

iLion
08-23-2010, 06:37 AM
My knowledge of English is slight.
I try, but I can't get it right.
The spelling, it seems,

archerjoe
08-23-2010, 06:51 AM
My knowledge of English is slight.
I try, but I can't get it right.
The spelling, it seems, Is worse than bad dreams

Pthom
08-23-2010, 06:55 AM
My knowledge of English is slight.
I try, but I can't get it right.
The spelling, it seems,
Is bursting the seams

whups, Archerjoe beat me to the punch.

My knowledge of English is slight.
I try, but I can't get it right.
The spelling, it seems,
Is worse than bad dreams
Of a rampaging elephant flight!

But see, all this dreaming and such

Nymtoc
08-23-2010, 07:16 AM
But see, all this dreaming and such
Does not help me out in the clutch

flyingtart
08-23-2010, 12:30 PM
But see, all this dreaming and such
Does not help me out in the clutch
I should stay awake

Nymtoc
08-23-2010, 05:00 PM
But see, all this dreaming and such
Does not help me out in the clutch
I should stay awake
For sanity's sake

Nightfly
08-23-2010, 07:18 PM
But see, all this dreaming and such
Does not help me out in the clutch
I should stay awake
For sanity's sake
But how much caffeine is too much?


I drink nearly two pots a day

Nymtoc
08-23-2010, 09:02 PM
I drink nearly two pots a day,
Sometimes black, sometimes café au lait,

RevisionIsTheKey
08-23-2010, 10:03 PM
I drink nearly two pots a day,
Sometimes black, sometimes café au lait,
I'm java addicted

Nymtoc
08-23-2010, 10:10 PM
I drink nearly two pots a day,
Sometimes black, sometimes café au lait,
I'm java addicted
And sorely conflicted

flyingtart
08-23-2010, 10:19 PM
I drink nearly two pots a day,
Sometimes black, sometimes café au lait,
I'm java addicted
And sorely conflicted
For it makes me act strange, some may say.

Perhaps I should switch to decaff

Pthom
08-23-2010, 11:48 PM
Perhaps I should switch to decaff
But wouldn't my boss have a laugh?

Nymtoc
08-24-2010, 12:38 AM
Perhaps I should switch to decaff
But wouldn't my boss have a laugh?
If I fall asleep

flyingtart
08-24-2010, 02:26 PM
Perhaps I should switch to decaff
But wouldn't my boss have a laugh?
If I fall asleep
He'd certainly keep

archerjoe
08-24-2010, 02:31 PM
Perhaps I should switch to decaff
But wouldn't my boss have a laugh?
If I fall asleep
He'd certainly kee
A replacement in mind for his staff

The mechanic who worked on my car

Sir_Nigel
08-24-2010, 04:24 PM
The mechanic who worked on my car
sang Hey diddle dee lah di dah

flyingtart
08-24-2010, 04:56 PM
The mechanic who worked on my car
sang Hey diddle dee lah di dah
To a Vaudeville ditty

Nymtoc
08-24-2010, 06:18 PM
The mechanic who worked on my car
sang Hey diddle dee lah di dah
To a Vaudeville ditty
He learned in the city

flyingtart
08-24-2010, 07:31 PM
The mechanic who worked on my car
sang Hey diddle dee lah di dah
To a Vaudeville ditty
He learned in the city
But his singing will not get him far.


When Winston arrived in Brazil

Nightfly
08-24-2010, 07:46 PM
When Winston arrived in Brazil
He said, "I wont leave here until

iLion
08-24-2010, 08:13 PM
When Winston arrived in Brazil
He said, "I wont leave here until
I've seen a young lass

RevisionIsTheKey
08-24-2010, 08:36 PM
When Winston arrived in Brazil
He said, "I won't leave here until
I've seen a young lass
Who'll take me to Mass :)

Nymtoc
08-24-2010, 09:19 PM
When Winston arrived in Brazil
He said, "I won't leave here until
I've seen a young lass
Who'll take me to Mass :)
As she did last July in Seville.

Dick Deaver's a devilish dude

flyingtart
08-24-2010, 10:44 PM
Dick Deaver's a devilish dude
And his repartee's ever so rude

Etola
08-25-2010, 12:03 AM
Dick Deaver's a devilish dude
And his repartee's ever so rude
He got hired at PA

archerjoe
08-25-2010, 07:07 AM
Dick Deaver's a devilish dude
And his repartee's ever so rude
He got hired at PA
D-I-Y, so they say

flyingtart
08-25-2010, 12:42 PM
Dick Deaver's a devilish dude
And his repartee's ever so rude
He got hired at PA
D-I-Y, so they say
But the customers find him too crude.


This redraft is driving me crazy

Nymtoc
08-25-2010, 04:19 PM
This redraft is driving me crazy
Why can't I be Martin Scorsese?

Etola
08-25-2010, 07:21 PM
This redraft is driving me crazy
Why can't I be Martin Scorsese?
I took a red pen

RevisionIsTheKey
08-25-2010, 09:51 PM
This redraft is driving me crazy
Why can't I be Martin Scorsese?
I took a red pen
Changed each 'Shit!' to 'Amen!'

Nymtoc
08-25-2010, 09:59 PM
This redraft is driving me crazy
Why can't I be Martin Scorsese?
I took a red pen
Changed each 'Shit!' to 'Amen!'
Now my script's as pristine as a daisy.

I once met a troublesome troll

flyingtart
08-25-2010, 10:58 PM
I once met a troublesome troll
Who filled an unusual role

Sir_Nigel
08-26-2010, 11:14 AM
I once met a troublesome troll
Who filled an unusual role
- he circumcised elves

Pthom
08-26-2010, 11:51 AM
I once met a troublesome troll
Who filled an unusual role:
He circumcised elves
(Kept their...things...on his shelves!)

flyingtart
08-26-2010, 12:57 PM
I once met a troublesome troll
Who filled an unusual role:
He circumcised elves
(Kept their...things...on his shelves!)
Then ate them with soup in a bowl. :eek:


John Truby is making me see

iLion
08-26-2010, 07:56 PM
John Truby is making me see
I don't want to write for TV.

RevisionIsTheKey
08-26-2010, 10:10 PM
John Truby is making me see
I don't want to write for TV.
I'd rather create

Nymtoc
08-26-2010, 10:28 PM
John Truby is making me see
I don't want to write for TV.
I'd rather create
A film about Fate

Nightfly
08-27-2010, 01:02 AM
John Truby is making me see
I don't want to write for TV.
I'd rather create
A film about Fate
Titled "Twenty-two Step Destiny"


The heat was now getting to Fay

iLion
08-27-2010, 03:28 AM
The heat was now getting to Fay
In the shade she decided to lay

Nymtoc
08-27-2010, 03:31 AM
The heat was now getting to Fay
In the shade she decided to lay
Seeing James in the grass

Matera the Mad
08-27-2010, 05:40 AM
The heat was now getting to Fay
In the shade she decided to lay
Seeing James in the grass
She reached out for a glass

Nightfly
08-27-2010, 08:25 AM
The heat was now getting to Fay
In the shade she decided to lay
Seeing James in the grass
She reached out for a glass
Then she stopped short suspecting foul play


James had become awfully still

Nymtoc
08-27-2010, 08:41 AM
James had become awfully still
For some reason, she felt a chill

Sir_Nigel
08-27-2010, 11:15 AM
James had become awfully still
For some reason, she felt a chill
- the passing Grim Reaper

Zephronias
08-27-2010, 11:45 AM
James had become awfully still
For some reason, she felt a chill
- the passing Grim Reaper
set eyes on the weeper

flyingtart
08-27-2010, 12:11 PM
James had become awfully still
For some reason, she felt a chill
- the passing Grim Reaper
set eyes on the weeper
And chopped off his head for a thrill.


In China the tigers are green

Sir_Nigel
08-27-2010, 01:29 PM
In China the tigers are green
but only infrequently seen

flyingtart
08-27-2010, 03:59 PM
In China the tigers are green
but only infrequently seen
They hide in boxes

Nymtoc
08-27-2010, 04:37 PM
In China the tigers are green
but only infrequently seen
They hide in boxes
Where lavender foxes

flyingtart
08-28-2010, 07:18 PM
In China the tigers are green
but only infrequently seen
They hide in boxes
Where lavender foxes
Paint portraits like you've never seen.


Don't ever cross swords with Joe Pugh

Nymtoc
08-28-2010, 08:45 PM
Don't ever cross swords with Joe Pugh
There's no telling what he might do!

iLion
08-29-2010, 12:17 AM
He could slice and dice

Albedo of Zero
08-29-2010, 06:46 AM
Don't ever cross swords with Joe Pugh
There's no telling what he might do!
He could slice and dice
not once, twice or thrice

RevisionIsTheKey
08-29-2010, 07:25 AM
Don't ever cross swords with Joe Pugh
There's no telling what he might do!
He could slice and dice
not once, twice or thrice
He has slain not a few but a slue.

So why aren't the cops on his trail?

Albedo of Zero
08-29-2010, 08:23 AM
So why aren't the cops on his trail?
just follow the blood; they can't fail

flyingtart
08-29-2010, 12:12 PM
So why aren't the cops on his trail?
just follow the blood; they can't fail
I heard a rumour

Nymtoc
08-29-2010, 02:18 PM
So why aren't the cops on his trail?
just follow the blood; they can't fail
I heard a rumour
He's in a foul humour

flyingtart
08-29-2010, 03:12 PM
So why aren't the cops on his trail?
just follow the blood; they can't fail
I heard a rumour
He's in a foul humour
So the judge should not let him have bail.


My pogo stick's proved very handy

Nymtoc
08-29-2010, 11:18 PM
My pogo stick's proved very handy
Its hollow shaft holds lots of brandy

flyingtart
08-30-2010, 01:06 AM
My pogo stick's proved very handy
Its hollow shaft holds lots of brandy
So I can have sips

iLion
08-30-2010, 05:47 AM
My pogo stick's proved very handy
Its hollow shaft holds lots of brandy
So I can have sips
While doing high flips

Pthom
08-30-2010, 10:09 AM
My pogo stick's proved very handy
Its hollow shaft holds lots of brandy
So I can have sips
While doing high flips And for coctails, it comes in quite handy.

"Oh, shaken," he said, "never stirred!"

Zephronias
08-30-2010, 10:24 AM
"Oh, shaken," he said, "never stirred!"
The barmaid, of course, hadn't heard.

RevisionIsTheKey
08-30-2010, 10:37 AM
TWEEEEET! I must point out that Pthom (of all people!) tried to get away with repeating the word at the end of line 1. Since another player has already played on, I will not go back and change anything. But watch it, Pthom. You can't fool us with that crazy avatar with the eyes that keep swirling around. :D

My pogo stick's proved very handy
Its hollow shaft holds lots of brandy
So I can have sips
While doing high flips
And for cocktails, it comes in quite handy.

RevisionIsTheKey
08-30-2010, 10:38 AM
"Oh, shaken," he said, "never stirred!"
The barmaid, of course, hadn't heard.
She stirred his drink gently

flyingtart
08-30-2010, 12:06 PM
"Oh, shaken," he said, "never stirred!"
The barmaid, of course, hadn't heard.
She stirred his drink gently
While he parked his Bentley

Nymtoc
08-30-2010, 02:27 PM
"Oh, shaken," he said, "never stirred!"
The barmaid, of course, hadn't heard.
She stirred his drink gently
While he parked his Bentley
Whose gadgets were just plain absurd.

When Bond met the foul Dr. No

Lavern08
08-30-2010, 08:51 PM
When Bond met the foul Dr. No
He gave him a mean, lethal blow

flyingtart
08-30-2010, 11:17 PM
When Bond met the foul Dr. No
He gave him a mean, lethal blow
The blow was the kind

Albedo of Zero
08-31-2010, 12:48 AM
When Bond met the foul Dr. No
He gave him a mean, lethal blow
The blow was the kind
from the nose to the mind

Pthom
08-31-2010, 01:28 AM
Yeah, I did mess up in my last post. Serves me right to try writing limericks while hosting the Sunday Flash Fiction Challenge. I'll try to do better in the future.

When Bond met the foul Dr. No
He gave him a mean, lethal blow
The blow was the kind
From the nose to the mind
That caused what we now call "Nose Glow."

(There--better?)

No-Doz is the stimulant choice

RevisionIsTheKey
08-31-2010, 09:35 AM
(Much better, Pthom, but I only called you out before because I have such fun blowing that whistle...)

No-Doz is the stimulant choice
of students who're reading James Joyce

flyingtart
08-31-2010, 02:47 PM
No-Doz is the stimulant choice
of students who're reading James Joyce
They find that the prose

Nymtoc
08-31-2010, 03:12 PM
No-Doz is the stimulant choice
of students who're reading James Joyce
They find that the prose
Brings cognitive woes

Pthom
09-01-2010, 03:54 AM
No-Doz is the stimulant choice
of students who're reading James Joyce
They find that the prose
Brings cognitive woes
And obscuring the old writer's voice.

Fudd did not thuffuh a lithp . . .

flyingtart
09-01-2010, 11:55 AM
Fudd did not thuffuh a lithp . . .
And tried to keep all diction crithp

Pthom
09-03-2010, 04:47 AM
Fudd did not thuffuh a lithp . . .
And twied to keep all diction cwithp . . . . . . . [minor adjustment :D]
But twy ath he might

archerjoe
09-03-2010, 05:24 AM
Fudd did not thuffuh a lithp . . .
And twied to keep all diction cwithp
But twy ath he might
It jutht wathn't wight

flyingtart
09-03-2010, 11:43 AM
Fudd did not thuffuh a lithp . . .
And twied to keep all diction cwithp
But twy ath he might
It jutht wathn't wight
Twath Eluthive, like Will o' the Withp


Jake's stutter oft times made him blush

Nymtoc
09-03-2010, 04:05 PM
Jake's stutter oft times made him blush,
He'd get f-f-flustered. His w-w-words turned to mush.

flyingtart
09-03-2010, 07:31 PM
Jake's stutter oft times made him blush,
He'd get f-f-flustered. His w-w-words turned to mush.
So he learned a technique

RevisionIsTheKey
09-03-2010, 09:35 PM
Jake's stutter oft times made him blush,
He'd get f-f-flustered. His w-w-words turned to mush.
So he learned a technique
A trick, so to speak

Nymtoc
09-03-2010, 11:19 PM
Jake's stutter oft times made him blush,
He'd get f-f-flustered. His w-w-words turned to mush.
So he learned a technique
A trick, so to speak
Now he sings all his words, like a thrush.

In a dangerous town in the West

flyingtart
09-03-2010, 11:49 PM
In a dangerous town in the West
All the gunmen wore only a vest

Lavern08
09-04-2010, 01:29 AM
In a dangerous town in the West
All the gunmen wore only a vest
Though their buttocks were bare

archerjoe
09-04-2010, 04:25 AM
In a dangerous town in the West
All the gunmen wore only a vest
Though their buttocks were bare
They had plenty of hair

iLion
09-04-2010, 06:06 AM
In a dangerous town in the West
All the gunmen wore only a vest
Though their buttocks were bare
They had plenty of hair
Which hid the scarey parts best.

She kissed me with lips so divine,

RevisionIsTheKey
09-04-2010, 07:35 AM
She kissed me with lips so divine,
A tingle ran clear down my spine

flyingtart
09-04-2010, 10:42 AM
She kissed me with lips so divine,
A tingle ran clear down my spine
It wasn't, you see

Lavern08
09-05-2010, 12:07 AM
She kissed me with lips so divine,
A tingle ran clear down my spine
It wasn't, you see
That mean bumblebee

RevisionIsTheKey
09-05-2010, 10:51 AM
She kissed me with lips so divine,
A tingle ran clear down my spine
It wasn't, you see
That mean bumblebee
That caused me to fall in the brine.

Oh drat! I've run out of paprika.

flyingtart
09-05-2010, 12:09 PM
Oh drat! I've run out of paprika.
Jane thought, as she noticed the streaker

RevisionIsTheKey
09-05-2010, 06:54 PM
(Do forgive my inability to allow that crazy across-the-pond rhyme....:D )

Oh drat! I've run out of paprika.
Jane thought, as she noticed the streakah,
"My dahling, she said,

Nymtoc
09-05-2010, 09:04 PM
(Do forgive my inability to allow that crazy across-the-pond rhyme....:D )



It's not just an across-the-pond rhyme, it's a rhyme that's perfectly acceptable in my town, too--no alternate spelling required. :tongue

Nymtoc
09-05-2010, 09:11 PM
Oh drat! I've run out of paprika.
Jane thought, as she noticed the streakah,
"My dahling, she said,
"There's trouble ahead,"

flyingtart
09-05-2010, 10:09 PM
(This thread is in danger of becoming a nit-picker's paradise. Rev, since you're in a pedantic mood perhaps you can tell us what a "streakah" is? I can't find it in my dictionary.)

Oh drat! I've run out of paprika.
Jane thought, as she noticed the streakah,
"My dahling, she said,
"There's trouble ahead,"
But the streakah bent over to tweak 'er.


These rhymes cause us some consternation

iLion
09-05-2010, 11:40 PM
These rhymes cause us some consternation
The purpose is for mental lubrication

Nymtoc
09-06-2010, 12:26 AM
These rhymes cause us some consternation
When we seek the mind's lubrication.*
Some people say "eyether"






*The line in the above post had too many syllables. Fixed it. :D

RevisionIsTheKey
09-06-2010, 02:15 AM
It's not just an across-the-pond rhyme, it's a rhyme that's perfectly acceptable in my town, too--no alternate spelling required. :tongue

All the more reason to disallow it.

RevisionIsTheKey
09-06-2010, 02:17 AM
(This thread is in danger of becoming a nit-picker's paradise. Rev, since you're in a pedantic mood perhaps you can tell us what a "streakah" is? I can't find it in my dictionary.)


Pedantic? What is this world coming to? If for no other reason, streakah is best in honor of Zsa Zsa, who is gravely ill.

RevisionIsTheKey
09-06-2010, 02:20 AM
These rhymes cause us some consternation
When we seek the mind's lubrication.*
Some people say "eyether"






*The line in the above post had too many syllables. Fixed it. :D

**How pedantic of you...

These rhymes cause us some consternation
When we seek the mind's lubrication.*
Some people say "eyether"
But others are "weyether"

Nymtoc
09-06-2010, 03:40 AM
These rhymes cause us some consternation
When we seek the mind's lubrication.*
Some people say "eyether"
But others are "weyether"
They just skip the whole situation.

I think we should hire a grammarian

Pat~
09-06-2010, 04:53 AM
I think we should hire a grammarian,
Maybe a wise centenarian,

RevisionIsTheKey
09-06-2010, 07:04 AM
I think we should hire a grammarian,
Maybe a wise centenarian,
A person with clout,

flyingtart
09-06-2010, 10:30 AM
I think we should hire a grammarian,
Maybe a wise centenarian,
A person with clout,
Who won't muck about

Sir_Nigel
09-06-2010, 12:32 PM
I think we should hire a grammarian,
Maybe a wise centenarian,
A person with clout,
Who won't muck about
like an ass-kicking ageing librarian?


Your syllable count must be true

flyingtart
09-06-2010, 02:14 PM
Your syllable count must be true
Or others will get in a stew

Nymtoc
09-06-2010, 10:31 PM
Your syllable count must be true
Or others will get in a stew
They'll sharpen their quills

Albedo of Zero
09-06-2010, 10:42 PM
Your syllable count must be true
Or others will get in a stew
They'll sharpen their quills
and they'll edit your frills

iLion
09-06-2010, 10:53 PM
Your syllable count must be true
Or others will get in a stew
They'll sharpen their quills
and they'll edit your frills
And the only real remedy will be an ice cold brew. :)

(*Srry! I really tried, but just couldn't stop myself!)


My spouse likes to go to the mall

Nymtoc
09-07-2010, 08:02 AM
After long consideration, the Board decided that iLion intended the extra-long last line of the previous limerick as a jest and therefore has decided not to inflict the severe sanctions that are provided for in the bylaws. But it was a close vote. ;)

My spouse likes to go to the mall
She comes home every time with a haul

Sir_Nigel
09-07-2010, 11:14 AM
My spouse likes to go to the mall
She comes home every time with a haul
That shoplifting lady

flyingtart
09-07-2010, 11:56 AM
My spouse likes to go to the mall
She comes home every time with a haul
That shoplifting lady
Has practices shady

iLion
09-07-2010, 12:10 PM
My spouse likes to go to the mall
She comes home every time with a haul
That shoplifting lady
Has practices shady
And one day will take a big fall.

I try to play by the rules

Nymtoc
09-07-2010, 03:10 PM
I try to play by the rules
By using strict metrical tools

flyingtart
09-07-2010, 03:53 PM
I try to play by the rules
By using strict metrical tools
But there are times

Sir_Nigel
09-07-2010, 03:58 PM
I try to play by the rules
By using strict metrical tools
But there are times
when rhythm and rhymes

flyingtart
09-07-2010, 05:11 PM
I try to play by the rules
By using strict metrical tools
But there are times
when rhythm and rhymes
Conspire to make all of us fools.


His poetry won many prizes

Sir_Nigel
09-07-2010, 06:35 PM
His poetry won many prizes
at the Sewage Works Club in Devizes

Nymtoc
09-07-2010, 07:49 PM
His poetry won many prizes
at the Sewage Works Club in Devizes
His "Ode to Debris"

flyingtart
09-07-2010, 08:30 PM
His poetry won many prizes
at the Sewage Works Club in Devizes
His "Ode to Debris"
Is as sweet as can be

iLion
09-07-2010, 09:03 PM
His poetry won many prizes
at the Sewage Works Club in Devizes
His "Ode to Debris"
Is as sweet as can be
And he hopes it deoderizes.

Has anyone made any money

flyingtart
09-07-2010, 10:56 PM
Has anyone made any money
From penning rhymes bawdy and funny?

Nymtoc
09-08-2010, 01:28 AM
Has anyone made any money
From penning rhymes bawdy and funny?
If Hallmark won't pay

Nightfly
09-08-2010, 01:38 AM
Has anyone made any money
From penning rhymes bawdy and funny
If Hallmark won't pay
"Viva Penthouse" - "HOORAY!!!"

Steam&Ink
09-08-2010, 07:39 AM
Has anyone made any money
From penning rhymes bawdy and funny?
If Hallmark won't pay
"Viva Penthouse" - "HOORAY!!!"
It's the mag that you read in the dunny.


I once had a crush on Charles Dickens,

Nymtoc
09-08-2010, 07:49 AM
I once had a crush on Charles Dickens,
But later I fell for Slim Pickens

Albedo of Zero
09-08-2010, 10:20 AM
I once had a crush on Charles Dickens,
But later I fell for Slim Pickens
I know it's contrary

Sir_Nigel
09-08-2010, 11:34 AM
I once had a crush on Charles Dickens,
But later I fell for Slim Pickens
I know it's contrary
but he begged: ‘Call me Mary’

flyingtart
09-08-2010, 11:59 AM
I once had a crush on Charles Dickens,
But later I fell for Slim Pickens
I know it's contrary
but he begged: ‘Call me Mary’
And had a strange fetish for chickens.


Matilda, I do love you so

Sir_Nigel
09-08-2010, 12:20 PM
Matilda, I do love you so
with your twitch and that odd extra toe

iLion
09-08-2010, 03:47 PM
Matilda, I do love you so
with your twitch and that odd extra toe.
I don't mind the warts

flyingtart
09-08-2010, 04:02 PM
Matilda, I do love you so
with your twitch and that odd extra toe.
I don't mind the warts
Or you drinking neat quarts

Sir_Nigel
09-08-2010, 04:25 PM
Matilda, I do love you so
with your twitch and that odd extra toe.
I don't mind the warts
Or you drinking neat quarts
but really? Four times in row??



Gerald – a one legged mime

flyingtart
09-08-2010, 04:45 PM
Gerald – a one legged mime
Baked cakes that were truly sublime

iLion
09-08-2010, 08:19 PM
Gerald – a one legged mime
Baked cakes that were truly sublime
His friends would all shout

Nymtoc
09-08-2010, 08:52 PM
Gerald – a one legged mime
Baked cakes that were truly sublime
His friends would all shout,
"This mime cake has clout!"

flyingtart
09-08-2010, 11:20 PM
Gerald – a one legged mime
Baked cakes that were truly sublime
His friends would all shout,
"This mime cake has clout!"
Especially with lemon and lime.


The juggernaut raced down the road

RevisionIsTheKey
09-09-2010, 03:43 AM
The juggernaut raced down the road
In search of a place to unload

Nymtoc
09-09-2010, 05:11 AM
The juggernaut raced down the road
In search of a place to unload
But there was a glitch

iLion
09-09-2010, 08:50 PM
The juggernaut raced down the road
In search of a place to unload
But there was a glitch
When stopping to itch

RevisionIsTheKey
09-10-2010, 01:35 AM
The juggernaut raced down the road
In search of a place to unload
But there was a glitch
When stopping to itch
All in all a bizarre episode.

Aunt Martha's addicted to soaps

Nymtoc
09-10-2010, 02:38 AM
Aunt Martha's addicted to soaps
They nurture her fears and her hopes

Steam&Ink
09-10-2010, 03:05 AM
Aunt Martha's addicted to soaps
They nurture her fears and her hopes
But she got into trouble

iLion
09-10-2010, 03:55 PM
Aunt Martha's addicted to soaps
They nurture her fears and her hopes
But she got into trouble
While blowing a bubble

Sir_Nigel
09-10-2010, 04:26 PM
Aunt Martha's addicted to soaps
They nurture her fears and her hopes
But she got into trouble
While blowing a bubble -
her hookah - a gift of the Pope’s.


Whilst scoffing his bubble and squeak

flyingtart
09-10-2010, 06:56 PM
Whilst scoffing his bubble and squeak
Sir Anthony felt like a leak

Lavern08
09-10-2010, 07:03 PM
Whilst scoffing his bubble and squeak
Sir Anthony felt like a leak
He hid in the bushes

Nymtoc
09-10-2010, 07:31 PM
Whilst scoffing his bubble and squeak
Sir Anthony felt like a leak
He hid in the bushes,
Gave six discreet pushes

iLion
09-10-2010, 08:55 PM
Whilst scoffing his bubble and squeak
Sir Anthony felt like a leak
He hid in the bushes,
Gave six discreet pushes
And came out with flush in his cheek.

The heat of the summer is done,

Lavern08
09-10-2010, 09:11 PM
The heat of the summer is done,
And now I'll go sit in the sun

flyingtart
09-10-2010, 11:19 PM
The heat of the summer is done,
And now I'll go sit in the sun
But the westerly breeze

iLion
09-11-2010, 12:41 AM
The heat of the summer is done,
And now I'll go sit in the sun
But the westerly breeze
My tushy may freeze

Nymtoc
09-11-2010, 05:51 AM
The heat of the summer is done,
And now I'll go sit in the sun
But the westerly breeze
My tushy may freeze
And let's face it, that ain't no fun.

When Darwin first published his book

RevisionIsTheKey
09-11-2010, 06:07 AM
When Darwin first published his book
The apes and the chimps took a look

Nightfly
09-11-2010, 09:51 AM
When Darwin first published his book
The apes and the chimps took a look
"This guy is a loon"

flyingtart
09-11-2010, 12:31 PM
When Darwin first published his book
The apes and the chimps took a look
"This guy is a loon"
They howled at the moon

Nymtoc
09-12-2010, 10:17 AM
When Darwin first published his book
The apes and the chimps took a look
"This guy is a loon"
They howled at the moon
"We're far more advanced than that schnook!"

"Come here, brother Abel," said Cain

Pthom
09-12-2010, 11:58 AM
"Come here, brother Abel," said Cain
"Let me show you how much you can gain!"

flyingtart
09-12-2010, 03:44 PM
"Come here, brother Abel," said Cain
"Let me show you how much you can gain!"
But it was a ruse

oneblindmouse
09-12-2010, 05:15 PM
"Come here, brother Abel," said Cain
"Let me show you how much you can gain!"
But it was a ruse,
His aim: to abuse

flyingtart
09-12-2010, 07:30 PM
"Come here, brother Abel," said Cain
"Let me show you how much you can gain!"
But it was a ruse,
His aim: to abuse
For brotherly love is a pain.


For decades she privately hoped

RevisionIsTheKey
09-12-2010, 08:11 PM
For decades she privately hoped
Her body would finally be groped

iLion
09-12-2010, 11:54 PM
For decades she privately hoped
Her body would finally be groped
She squeezed in the crowd

flyingtart
09-13-2010, 12:22 PM
For decades she privately hoped
Her body would finally be groped
She squeezed in the crowd
Then shouted out loud

Sir_Nigel
09-13-2010, 02:04 PM
For decades she privately hoped
Her body would finally be groped
She squeezed in the crowd
Then shouted out loud:
FEEL MY BUTTOCKS! No one did. So she moped.

McTavish had only one eye

Nightfly
09-13-2010, 02:19 PM
McTavish had only one eye
And Mean it was, blue as the sky

Nymtoc
09-13-2010, 02:30 PM
McTavish had only one eye
And Mean it was, blue as the sky
He'd glare at a bloke

flyingtart
09-13-2010, 03:20 PM
McTavish had only one eye
And Mean it was, blue as the sky
He'd glare at a bloke
Then wink, for a joke

Nightfly
09-13-2010, 04:17 PM
McTavish had only one eye
And Mean it was, blue as the sky
He'd glare at a bloke
Then wink, for a joke
"Got my eye on you Doll, don't be shy"


I was running for fear of my life

flyingtart
09-13-2010, 04:47 PM
I was running for fear of my life
I should never have kissed that man's wife

Sir_Nigel
09-13-2010, 05:08 PM
I was running for fear of my life
I should never have kissed that man's wife
Or climbed in their bed

Lavern08
09-13-2010, 07:19 PM
I was running for fear of my life
I should never have kissed that man's wife
Or climbed in their bed
without any dread

iLion
09-13-2010, 08:42 PM
I was running for fear of my life
I should never have kissed that man's wife
Or climbed in their bed
without any dread
Now I'm ducking his gun and his knife.

My teacher is cute as could be

Nymtoc
09-13-2010, 09:11 PM
My teacher is cute as could be
My heart skips a beat when I see

Albedo of Zero
09-14-2010, 08:49 AM
My teacher is cute as could be
My heart skips a beat when I see
the chalkboard is dirty

flyingtart
09-14-2010, 09:56 AM
My teacher is cute as could be
My heart skips a beat when I see
the chalkboard is dirty
Cos then she gets flirty

Sir_Nigel
09-14-2010, 03:06 PM
My teacher is cute as could be
My heart skips a beat when I see
the chalkboard is dirty
Cos then she gets flirty
‘I’m filthy,’ she purrs, ‘launder me.’


Miss Perkins looked tidy and prim

iLion
09-14-2010, 08:17 PM
Miss Perkins looked tidy and prim
And had passionate yearnings for Jim

flyingtart
09-14-2010, 09:03 PM
Miss Perkins looked tidy and prim
And had passionate yearnings for Jim
But he was turned off

Nymtoc
09-14-2010, 09:13 PM
Miss Perkins looked tidy and prim
And had passionate yearnings for Jim
But he was turned off
By her silly laugh*







* :)

RevisionIsTheKey
09-15-2010, 01:25 AM
Miss Perkins looked tidy and prim
And had passionate yearnings for Jim
But he was turned off
By her silly laugh*
So she raised her third finger to him.

Old Molly tried hard to look hip

Preacher'sWife
09-15-2010, 04:33 AM
Old Molly tried hard to look hip
Got a tattoo and then a pierced lip

Matera the Mad
09-15-2010, 05:17 AM
Old Molly tried hard to look hip
Got a tattoo and then a pierced lip
But her bosom still sagged

Albedo of Zero
09-15-2010, 06:29 AM
Old Molly tried hard to look hip
Got a tattoo and then a pierced lip
But her bosom still sagged
and her ass..well, it lagged

RevisionIsTheKey
09-15-2010, 11:05 AM
Old Molly tried hard to look hip
Got a tattoo and then a pierced lip
But her bosom still sagged
and her ass..well, it lagged
and her nose had a wart on the tip.

Now Whiskers Malone was no prize

Albedo of Zero
09-15-2010, 11:09 AM
Now Whiskers Malone was no prize
his head was too big for his size

Sir_Nigel
09-15-2010, 11:50 AM
Now Whiskers Malone was no prize
his head was too big for his size
So large did it loom

flyingtart
09-15-2010, 12:02 PM
Now Whiskers Malone was no prize
his head was too big for his size
So large did it loom
It filled up the room

Sir_Nigel
09-15-2010, 12:56 PM
Now Whiskers Malone was no prize
his head was too big for his size
So large did it loom
It filled up the room
So there he’ll remain ‘til he dies.


The end was a little bit bleak

flyingtart
09-15-2010, 02:29 PM
The end was a little bit bleak
And I couldn't stop crying for a week

Sir_Nigel
09-15-2010, 04:58 PM
The end was a little bit bleak
And I couldn't stop crying for a week
With a snivel and a blub

iLion
09-15-2010, 08:40 PM
The end was a little bit bleak
And I couldn't stop crying for a week
With a snivel and a blub
And a drink at the club

Nymtoc
09-15-2010, 11:43 PM
The end was a little bit bleak
And I couldn't stop crying for a week
With a snivel and a blub
And a drink at the club
I felt like a pitiful freak.

But all of a sudden I heard

Lavern08
09-15-2010, 11:45 PM
But all of a sudden I heard
A very discouraging word

Sir_Nigel
09-16-2010, 11:34 AM
But all of a sudden I heard
A very discouraging word
'You loser' it said.

flyingtart
09-16-2010, 01:04 PM
But all of a sudden I heard
A very discouraging word
'You loser' it said.
I looked under the bed

Sir_Nigel
09-16-2010, 05:34 PM
But all of a sudden I heard
A very discouraging word
'You loser' it said.
I looked under the bed
and a voice from the darkness said “Nerd”


The invasion of Earth had begun

flyingtart
09-16-2010, 07:23 PM
The invasion of Earth had begun
And not wanting to miss all the fun

Pthom
09-16-2010, 07:32 PM
The invasion of Earth had begun
And not wanting to miss all the fun
The Captain and crew

iLion
09-16-2010, 07:53 PM
The invasion of Earth had begun
And not wanting to miss all the fun
The Captain and crew
Made alien stew

Lavern08
09-16-2010, 08:56 PM
The invasion of Earth had begun
And not wanting to miss all the fun
The Captain and crew
Made alien stew
And served it to folks on the run

The stew was a little bit lumpy

Nymtoc
09-16-2010, 09:37 PM
The stew was a little bit lumpy,
Quite sinewy and very clumpy,

flyingtart
09-17-2010, 11:09 AM
The stew was a little bit lumpy,
Quite sinewy and very clumpy,
But the worst thing of all

Sir_Nigel
09-17-2010, 11:38 AM
The stew was a little bit lumpy,
Quite sinewy and very clumpy,
But the worst thing of all
was a large throbbing ball

Nymtoc
09-17-2010, 03:21 PM
The stew was a little bit lumpy,
Quite sinewy and very clumpy,
But the worst thing of all
was a large throbbing ball
Soon the whole thing became stomach-pumpy.

The painting had started to dry

flyingtart
09-17-2010, 03:57 PM
The painting had started to dry
When Picasso remarked with a sigh

Sir_Nigel
09-17-2010, 04:30 PM
The painting had started to dry
When Picasso remarked with a sigh
‘That bull’s a bit wonky’

Rufus Coppertop
09-17-2010, 07:32 PM
The painting had started to dry
When Picasso remarked with a sigh
‘That bull’s a bit wonky
It looks like a donkey
I'll have to add horns by and by'.

The donkey was looking quite pink.

flyingtart
09-17-2010, 08:14 PM
The donkey was looking quite pink
And kicked up a terrible stink

Nymtoc
09-17-2010, 09:11 PM
The donkey was looking quite pink
And kicked up a terrible stink
Its bray was obscene

iLion
09-17-2010, 09:21 PM
The donkey was looking quite pink
And kicked up a terrible stink
Its bray was obscene
As if on caffeine

Albedo of Zero
09-18-2010, 05:55 AM
The donkey was looking quite pink
And kicked up a terrible stink
Its bray was obscene
As if on caffeine
Its in need of a real equine shrink

There once was a fellow named Higgins

Nymtoc
09-18-2010, 07:42 AM
There once was a fellow named Higgins
Who fell for a widow named Wiggins

Rufus Coppertop
09-18-2010, 09:10 AM
There once was a fellow named Higgins
Who fell for a widow named Wiggins

There once was a fellow named Higgins,
who fell for a widow named Wiggins,
the widow stripped bare,
and stood on a chair,

Nymtoc
09-18-2010, 10:28 AM
Rufus, you're writing some very funny lines, but the rules of this thread require that you add only one line to what went before. One line per player per turn--that's the rule! But please keep contributing, 'coz you make us laugh! :D

There once was a fellow named Higgins,
who fell for a widow named Wiggins,
the widow stripped bare,
and stood on a chair,
and soon they were off to her diggin's.

Since William Tell's aim was so bad

flyingtart
09-18-2010, 12:03 PM
Since William Tell's aim was so bad
He disappointed his poor dad

Rufus Coppertop
09-18-2010, 07:27 PM
Since William Tell's aim was so bad
He disappointed his poor dad

Since William Tell's aim was so bad,
he disappointed his poor dad,
an Austrian reeve

Nymtoc
09-19-2010, 12:58 AM
Since William Tell's aim was so bad,
he disappointed his poor dad,
an Austrian reeve
who had reason to grieve

Lavern08
09-19-2010, 01:07 AM
Since William Tell's aim was so bad,
he disappointed his poor dad,
an Austrian reeve
who had reason to grieve
Lambasted and mocked the dear lad.

The apple fell far from the tree

Matera the Mad
09-19-2010, 02:20 AM
The apple fell far from the tree
But its nature was not hard to see

Nymtoc
09-19-2010, 02:52 AM
The apple fell far from the tree
But its nature was not hard to see
For just like its sire

flyingtart
09-19-2010, 12:35 PM
The apple fell far from the tree
But its nature was not hard to see
For just like its sire
Its manners were dire

Nymtoc
09-20-2010, 03:06 AM
The apple fell far from the tree
But its nature was not hard to see
For just like its sire
Its manners were dire
et épataient la bourgeoisie.

I'm hoping to win the grand prize

Albedo of Zero
09-20-2010, 04:32 AM
I'm hoping to win the grand prize
with my kumquat of record size