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RevisionIsTheKey
07-25-2010, 07:59 PM
When Homer was milking the cow
He mistakenly grabbed a fat sow
He yanked at her teat
The sow was in heat

K1P1
07-25-2010, 08:02 PM
When Homer was milking the cow
He mistakenly grabbed a fat sow
He yanked at her teat
The sow was in heat
Now Homer can only say, "OW!"

That Homer sure kicked off a row

flyingtart
07-26-2010, 12:03 PM
That Homer sure kicked off a row
But it should have calmed down by now

Nightfly
07-26-2010, 12:21 PM
That Homer sure kicked off a row
But it should have calmed down by now
Next time he'll consider

Nymtoc
07-26-2010, 01:28 PM
That Homer sure kicked off a row
But it should have calmed down by now
Next time he'll consider
And not be a kidder

Sir_Nigel
07-26-2010, 02:30 PM
That Homer sure kicked off a row
But it should have calmed down by now
Next time he'll consider
And not be a kidder
‘Phoowee’ he said, mopping his brow.


He stopped in his tracks and said ‘Oh’

flyingtart
07-26-2010, 03:42 PM
He stopped in his tracks and said ‘Oh’
For the valley was covered in snow

Sir_Nigel
07-26-2010, 04:45 PM
He stopped in his tracks and said ‘Oh’
For the valley was covered in snow
'It's been snowing' he said

flyingtart
07-26-2010, 06:15 PM
He stopped in his tracks and said ‘Oh’
For the valley was covered in snow
'It's been snowing' he said
'I must get home to bed'

Sir_Nigel
07-26-2010, 06:46 PM
He stopped in his tracks and said ‘Oh’
For the valley was covered in snow
'It's been snowing' he said
'I must get home to bed'
Yes his trip to the Pole would be slow



'Sixty six seagulls' she said

Lavern08
07-26-2010, 07:20 PM
'Sixty six seagulls,' she said
"And all of them pooped on my head!"

flyingtart
07-26-2010, 07:25 PM
'Sixty six seagulls,' she said
"And all of them pooped on my head!
It hardly seems fair,

Lavern08
07-26-2010, 07:33 PM
'Sixty six seagulls,' she said
"And all of them pooped on my head!
It hardly seems fair,
I just washed my hair

iLion
07-26-2010, 08:30 PM
'Sixty six seagulls,' she said
"And all of them pooped on my head!
It hardly seems fair,
I just washed my hair
But I'm glad they weren't camels instead.

My banker just said I was broke,

RevisionIsTheKey
07-26-2010, 09:16 PM
My banker just said I was broke,
Then chuckled and gave me a poke

flyingtart
07-26-2010, 10:31 PM
My banker just said I was broke,
Then chuckled and gave me a poke
But the joke was on him

Lavern08
07-26-2010, 10:51 PM
My banker just said I was broke,
Then chuckled and gave me a poke
But the joke was on him
I went out on a limb

Nymtoc
07-27-2010, 07:24 AM
My banker just said I was broke,
Then chuckled and gave me a poke
But the joke was on him
I went out on a limb
And he's sorry now. What a moke!

Young Jimmy O'Toole went to sea

K1P1
07-27-2010, 07:27 AM
Young Jimmy O'Toole went to sea
With a boat made of honey and tea

Sir_Nigel
07-27-2010, 11:40 AM
Young Jimmy O'Toole went to sea
With a boat made of honey and tea
he did, of course, drown

flyingtart
07-27-2010, 01:12 PM
Young Jimmy O'Toole went to sea
With a boat made of honey and tea
he did, of course, drown
And said as he went down

Sir_Nigel
07-27-2010, 01:39 PM
Young Jimmy O'Toole went to sea
With a boat made of honey and tea
he did, of course, drown
And said as he went down :
a-gubbly gub gubble Help me!


Mungo - a bald headed mute

flyingtart
07-27-2010, 02:37 PM
Mungo - a bald headed mute
Looked smart in a green velvet suit

ejaycee
07-27-2010, 04:05 PM
Mungo - a bald headed mute
Looked smart in a green velvet suit
But his eyesight was bad,

RevisionIsTheKey
07-27-2010, 07:59 PM
Mungo - a bald headed mute
Looked smart in a green velvet suit
But his eyesight was bad,
Which explains shoes in plaid

Nymtoc
07-27-2010, 09:33 PM
Mungo - a bald headed mute
Looked smart in a green velvet suit
But his eyesight was bad,
Which explains shoes in plaid,
And his polka-dot hat was a hoot!

A shy little tourist from Mars

Lavern08
07-27-2010, 10:01 PM
A shy little tourist from Mars
Ran into a cute guy named Lars

ejaycee
07-28-2010, 02:44 AM
A shy little tourist from Mars
Ran into a cute guy named Lars
She tittered and flirted

Sir_Nigel
07-28-2010, 11:28 AM
A shy little tourist from Mars
Ran into a cute guy named Lars
She tittered and flirted,
green love juice she squirted

flyingtart
07-28-2010, 01:15 PM
A shy little tourist from Mars
Ran into a cute guy named Lars
She tittered and flirted,
green love juice she squirted
Then stole him away to the stars


On Jupiter they made a home

Nymtoc
07-28-2010, 01:49 PM
On Jupiter they made a home,
A sweet little nest with a dome,

Sir_Nigel
07-28-2010, 02:36 PM
On Jupiter they made a home,
A sweet little nest with a dome,
But then moved to Venus

ejaycee
07-28-2010, 02:48 PM
On Jupiter they made a home,
A sweet little nest with a dome,
But then moved to Venus
And sacrificed cleanness


(Hah! Foiled you!)

Sir_Nigel
07-28-2010, 03:11 PM
On Jupiter they made a home,
A sweet little nest with a dome,
But then moved to Venus
and sacrificed cleanness
to shack up with a bi-swinging gnome


(How dare you. You thought I was angling for *****!!?? I am shocked at the thought. Some people’s minds, honestly)


'Lets try Uranus!' he cried

ejaycee
07-28-2010, 03:21 PM
'Lets try Uranus!' he cried
But at that thought she heaved quite a sigh

(Of course not. My apologies. ;) )

flyingtart
07-28-2010, 03:39 PM
'Lets try Uranus!' he cried
But at that thought she heaved quite a sigh
"The thought makes me sick

Sir_Nigel
07-28-2010, 04:33 PM
'Lets try Uranus!' he cried
But at that thought she heaved quite a sigh
‘The thought makes me sick,
why don’t we just stick

Sir_Nigel
07-29-2010, 11:32 AM
'Lets try Uranus!' he cried
But at that thought she heaved quite a sigh
‘The thought makes me sick,
why don’t we just stick
to the places we’ve already tried.


(finished off because nobody else has)


Slowly he slid to the floor

flyingtart
07-29-2010, 12:45 PM
Slowly he slid to the floor
And cried he could not take no more

Nymtoc
07-29-2010, 02:42 PM
Slowly he slid to the floor
And cried he could not take no more.
"My dear, it's not worth

ejaycee
07-29-2010, 03:06 PM
Slowly he slid to the floor
And cried he could not take no more.
"My dear, it's not worth
your sizable girth

Nymtoc
07-29-2010, 03:35 PM
Slowly he slid to the floor
And cried he could not take no more.
"My dear, it's not worth
Your sizable girth,
Not to mention your thunderous snore."

He packed all his things in a bag

ejaycee
07-29-2010, 03:54 PM
He packed all his things in a bag
She cried and he called her a hag

flyingtart
07-29-2010, 04:01 PM
He packed all his things in a bag
She cried and he called her a hag
Which made her see red

Sir_Nigel
07-29-2010, 04:59 PM
He packed all his things in a bag
She cried and he called her a hag
Which made her see red
‘You bounder!’ she said

K1P1
07-29-2010, 05:09 PM
He packed all his things in a bag
She cried and he called her a hag
Which made her see red
‘You bounder!’ she said
Good riddance! You were always a drag.

She shielded her eyes from the glare

RevisionIsTheKey
07-29-2010, 08:32 PM
She shielded her eyes from the glare
Before her was something quite rare

flyingtart
07-29-2010, 09:49 PM
She shielded her eyes from the glare
Before her was something quite rare
It twinkled and shone

K1P1
07-30-2010, 03:37 AM
She shielded her eyes from the glare
Before her was something quite rare
It twinkled and shone
Then turned with a groan

Sir_Nigel
07-30-2010, 11:54 AM
She shielded her eyes from the glare
Before her was something quite rare
It twinkled and shone
Then turned with a groan
‘I’m a seven-eyed Thrall beast – don’t stare.‘



There's a very large fly in my soup

ejaycee
07-30-2010, 12:25 PM
There's a very large fly in my soup
And I swear that gull's going to swoop

flyingtart
07-30-2010, 03:53 PM
There's a very large fly in my soup
And I swear that gull's going to swoop
Just to make matters worse

Sir_Nigel
07-30-2010, 04:47 PM
There's a very large fly in my soup
And I swear that gull's going to swoop
Just to make matters worse
I may need a nurse

RevisionIsTheKey
07-30-2010, 05:11 PM
There's a very large fly in my soup
And I swear that gull's going to swoop
Just to make matters worse
I may need a nurse
As my bosom's beginning to droop.

A surgeon was eating nearby

Sir_Nigel
07-30-2010, 05:28 PM
A surgeon was eating nearby
he rose and said 'Madam, may I?'

Nymtoc
07-30-2010, 10:12 PM
A surgeon was eating nearby
he rose and said 'Madam, may I?'
'By all means,' she said

flyingtart
07-30-2010, 10:42 PM
A surgeon was eating nearby
he rose and said 'Madam, may I?'
'By all means,' she said
But then she turned red

talkwrite
07-31-2010, 12:05 AM
A surgeon was eating nearby
he rose and said 'Madam, may I?'
'By all means,' she said
But then she turned red
When he said "Please take a deep sigh"

A soldier put pen to paper

K1P1
07-31-2010, 02:31 AM
A soldier put pen to paper
To plan an offensive caper

Nymtoc
07-31-2010, 06:43 AM
Reminder: We're trying to write limericks here, not just light verse. Both of the above lines have faulty meter, with too few syllables for a limerick. Here's a possible fix:

A soldier put pencil to paper
To outline a masterful caper

iLion
07-31-2010, 06:46 AM
A soldier put pencil to paper
To outline a masterful caper
The gold would be his

ejaycee
07-31-2010, 07:45 AM
A soldier put pencil to paper
To outline a masterful caper
The gold would be his
As would his dear Liz

flyingtart
07-31-2010, 03:24 PM
A soldier put pencil to paper
To outline a masterful caper
The gold would be his
As would his dear Liz
Who lived with her husband, a draper.

He told her his thoughts while in bed

Nymtoc
07-31-2010, 03:54 PM
He told her his thoughts while in bed
"I'm shocked, but it's tempting!" she said

K1P1
07-31-2010, 07:43 PM
Reminder: We're trying to write limericks here, not just light verse. Both of the above lines have faulty meter, with too few syllables for a limerick. Here's a possible fix:

A soldier put pencil to paper
To outline a masterful caper

Hey, I just made a point of matching the first line. It would have been worse, IMHO, to have the second line scan differently than the first.

GAL

K1P1
07-31-2010, 07:44 PM
He told her his thoughts while in bed
"I'm shocked, but it's tempting!" she said
I'll go find a sheep

flyingtart
07-31-2010, 08:40 PM
He told her his thoughts while in bed
"I'm shocked, but it's tempting!" she said
I'll go find a sheep
And a large compost heap

Nymtoc
07-31-2010, 08:47 PM
He told her his thoughts while in bed
"I'm shocked, but it's tempting!" she said
"I'll go find a sheep
And a large compost heap
And a toad. Should I make sure it's dead?"

"We'll do it on webcam. Okay?

RevisionIsTheKey
07-31-2010, 09:25 PM
Hey, I just made a point of matching the first line. It would have been worse, IMHO, to have the second line scan differently than the first.

GAL

When I started posting limerick lines, I was not aware there was a rule that said if the previous line did not scan, the current player should correct it, then add the new one. Since this thread began something like six years ago, it's impossible for the thread's current limerick writers to know rules like that.

So....maybe we need a sticky--Limerick Live! Rules--with all the particulars spelled out and samples of (and explanations of) meter for newcomers. That way, someone can just correct the previous line and add "See Limericks Live! sticky" instead of having to explain all over again, which is time-consuming for the explainer and can cause misunderstandings and hard feelings with other players.

RevisionIsTheKey
07-31-2010, 09:26 PM
"We'll do it on webcam. Okay?
We might win an Oscar someday!"

iLion
08-01-2010, 02:36 AM
"We'll do it on webcam. Okay?
We might win an Oscar someday!"
You yell and scream

Nymtoc
08-01-2010, 06:03 AM
"We'll do it on webcam. Okay?
We might win an Oscar someday!"
You yell and scream
I'll go get the team

K1P1
08-01-2010, 06:27 AM
"We'll do it on webcam. Okay?
We might win an Oscar someday!"
You yell and scream
I'll go get the team
And then there will be hell to pay.

Remember it's only a game.

ejaycee
08-01-2010, 09:41 AM
Remember it's only a game.
But if it goes foul then you take the blame

RevisionIsTheKey
08-01-2010, 11:44 PM
Remember it's only a game,
But if it goes foul you're to blame.
So take time to find

flyingtart
08-01-2010, 11:50 PM
Remember it's only a game,
But if it goes foul you're to blame.
You will be berated

K1P1
08-02-2010, 01:42 AM
OK - double jeopardy...

Remember it's only a game,
But if it goes foul you're to blame.
So take time to find
A calm state of mind

Remember it's only a game,
But if it goes foul you're to blame.
You will be berated
And fully frustrated

Nymtoc
08-02-2010, 02:06 AM
Remember it's only a game,
But if it goes foul you're to blame.
So take time to find
A calm state of mind
And keep things congenial and tame.

Remember it's only a game,
But if it goes foul you're to blame.
You will be berated
And fully frustrated
And spite will be your claim to fame.

;)

The old folks like dancing to swing

Pthom
08-02-2010, 05:01 AM
The old folks like dancing to swing
Said he to she: "Bop's not my thing."

K1P1
08-02-2010, 06:13 AM
The old folks like dancing to swing
Said he to she: "Bop's not my thing."
But if you can tango

RevisionIsTheKey
08-02-2010, 06:50 AM
The old folks like dancing to swing
Said he to she: "Bop's not my thing."
But if you can tango
Or dance the fandango

flyingtart
08-02-2010, 01:23 PM
The old folks like dancing to swing
Said he to she: "Bop's not my thing."
But if you can tango
Or dance the fandango
We'll fly like two birds on the wing!


While throttling a pheasant one day

Nymtoc
08-02-2010, 02:56 PM
While throttling a pheasant one day
Her Grace took a moment to say

ejaycee
08-02-2010, 04:07 PM
While throttling a pheasant one day
Her Grace took a moment to say
"There's nothing so pleasant,

archerjoe
08-02-2010, 04:28 PM
While throttling a pheasant one day
Her Grace took a moment to say
"There's nothing so pleasant,
Than food for a peasant

flyingtart
08-02-2010, 04:52 PM
While throttling a pheasant one day
Her Grace took a moment to say
"There's nothing so pleasant,
Than food for a peasant -
It sure beats a mouth full of hay!"


When Barnabas lived in Peru

RevisionIsTheKey
08-02-2010, 05:48 PM
When Barnabas lived in Peru
The locals admired his tattoo

iLion
08-02-2010, 09:11 PM
When Barnabas lived in Peru,
The locals admired his tattoo.
Whenever he flexed

Nymtoc
08-02-2010, 09:41 PM
When Barnabas lived in Peru,
The locals admired his tattoo.
Whenever he flexed
They goggled, and next

K1P1
08-03-2010, 12:37 AM
When Barnabas lived in Peru,
The locals admired his tattoo.
Whenever he flexed
They goggled, and next
Phoned their lawyer and threatened to sue.

The lawyer he put them on hold

Pthom
08-03-2010, 01:25 AM
The lawyer he put them on hold
'Cause tattoos, God bless 'em, are bold!

Nymtoc
08-03-2010, 02:21 AM
The lawyer he put them on hold
'Cause tattoos, God bless 'em, are bold!
"With colorful ink

Pthom
08-03-2010, 02:32 AM
The lawyer he put them on hold
'Cause tattoos, God bless 'em, are bold!
"With colorful ink
And a needle, I think,

Nymtoc
08-03-2010, 03:05 AM
The lawyer he put them on hold
'Cause tattoos, God bless 'em, are bold!
"With colorful ink
And a needle, I think,
Your hot bod will never grow cold!"

But some said, "It isn't true art."

archerjoe
08-03-2010, 03:20 AM
But some said, "It isn't true art."
"This portrait of Homer and Bart"

Pthom
08-03-2010, 05:54 AM
But some said, "It isn't true art."
"This portrait of Homer and Bart
And the heart that reads 'Mom.'

ejaycee
08-03-2010, 06:04 AM
But some said, "It isn't true art."
"This portrait of Homer and Bart
And the heart that reads 'Mom.'
On the ball of his thumb,

Nymtoc
08-03-2010, 06:04 AM
But some said, "It isn't true art."
"This portrait of Homer and Bart
And the heart that reads 'Mom,'
Hula dancer and palm,

ejaycee
08-03-2010, 06:46 AM
But some said, "It isn't true art."
"This portrait of Homer and Bart
And the heart that reads 'Mom,'
Hula dancer and palm,
Are sending my pulse off the chart.
.

(Sorry 'bout that, Nymtoc! :D )

A sorry old man from Glendevie

K1P1
08-03-2010, 07:15 AM
A sorry old man from Glendevie
Thought his backpack was too heavy

(did I pronounce that right?)

ejaycee
08-03-2010, 11:53 AM
A sorry old man from Glendevie
Thought his backpack was too heavy
He huffed and he puffed

Nymtoc
08-03-2010, 12:12 PM
A sorry old man from Glendevie
Thought his backpack was too heavy
He huffed and he puffed
Till he felt nearly snuffed

flyingtart
08-03-2010, 03:37 PM
A sorry old man from Glendevie
Thought his backpack was too heavy
He huffed and he puffed
Till he felt nearly snuffed
And wished he'd remembered his Chevy.


When Geraldine woke from her slumber

archerjoe
08-03-2010, 06:09 PM
When Geraldine woke from her slumber
She found a strange telephone number

iLion
08-03-2010, 08:31 PM
When Geraldine woke from her slumber
She found a strange telephone number
Tatooed on her knee

Nymtoc
08-03-2010, 09:06 PM
When Geraldine woke from her slumber
She found a strange telephone number
Tatooed on her knee
Along with "Call me"

flyingtart
08-03-2010, 09:14 PM
When Geraldine woke from her slumber
She found a strange telephone number
Tatooed on her knee
Along with "Call me"
But no area code - what a bummer!


So then she tried internet dating

Matera the Mad
08-03-2010, 09:45 PM
So then she tried internet dating
But found too many scammers there, waiting

flyingtart
08-03-2010, 11:16 PM
So then she tried internet dating
But found too many scammers there, waiting
Her Facebook account

Nymtoc
08-04-2010, 03:35 AM
So then she tried internet dating
But found too many scammers there, waiting
Her Facebook account
Had such an amount

iLion
08-04-2010, 04:58 AM
So then she tried internet dating
But found too many scammers there, waiting
Her Facebook account
Had such an amount
They wanted to be friended for mating.

She tried dating someone at work

Nymtoc
08-04-2010, 06:53 AM
She tried dating someone at work
Depressingly, he was a jerk

RevisionIsTheKey
08-04-2010, 09:28 AM
She tried dating someone at work
Depressingly, he was a jerk
And homely to boot

flyingtart
08-04-2010, 12:01 PM
She tried dating someone at work
Depressingly, he was a jerk
And homely to boot
In his charcoal grey suit

Matera the Mad
08-04-2010, 01:13 PM
She tried dating someone at work
Depressingly, he was a jerk
And homely to boot
In his charcoal grey suit
And besides, oral hygiene he'd shirk

Poor Geraldine, what could she do

flyingtart
08-04-2010, 01:34 PM
Poor Geraldine, what could she do
Then she thought of a friend that she knew

Nymtoc
08-04-2010, 02:11 PM
Poor Geraldine, what could she do
Then she thought of a friend that she knew
She picked up the phone

K1P1
08-04-2010, 04:44 PM
Poor Geraldine, what could she do
Then she thought of a friend that she knew
She picked up the phone
And she dialed Ramon

RevisionIsTheKey
08-04-2010, 05:35 PM
Poor Geraldine, what could she do
Then she thought of a friend that she knew
She picked up the phone
And she dialed Ramon,
who said, "Let's call the ACLU!"

Our gal made that call in a flash

oneblindmouse
08-04-2010, 10:05 PM
Our gal made that call in a flash
Then off on a bike they did dash

K1P1
08-04-2010, 10:22 PM
Our gal made that call in a flash
Then off on a bike they did dash
To file a court brief

Nymtoc
08-04-2010, 10:32 PM
Our gal made that call in a flash
Then off on a bike they did dash
To file a court brief
And demand quick relief

oneblindmouse
08-04-2010, 10:38 PM
Our gal made that call in a flash
Then off on a bike they did dash
To file a court brief
And demand quick relief
With a pint and a large dose of hash.

When things were all dreamy and slow

Pthom
08-05-2010, 12:26 AM
When things were all dreamy and slow
There were faeries and wizards, you know.

Pthom
08-05-2010, 12:27 AM
OOps. We only need one response at a time... sorry

RevisionIsTheKey
08-05-2010, 02:11 AM
When things were all dreamy and slow
There were faeries and wizards, you know.
Trolls under the bridge

Nymtoc
08-05-2010, 02:16 AM
When things were all dreamy and slow
There were faeries and wizards, you know.
Trolls under the bridge
Pixies over the ridge

K1P1
08-05-2010, 04:48 AM
When things were all dreamy and slow
There were faeries and wizards, you know.
Trolls under the bridge
Pixies over the ridge
And the sun had a bright paisley glow.

At sunset it started to bucket

Albedo of Zero
08-05-2010, 06:34 AM
At sunset it started to bucket
and yet I decided to truck it

RevisionIsTheKey
08-05-2010, 07:36 AM
At sunset it started to bucket
and yet I decided to truck it
across the state line

Nymtoc
08-05-2010, 12:24 PM
At sunset it started to bucket
And yet I decided to truck it
Across the state line
Where women and wine

flyingtart
08-05-2010, 01:27 PM
At sunset it started to bucket
And yet I decided to truck it
Across the state line
Where women and wine
Are better than downtown Nantucket


While dusting my knick-knacks one day

archerjoe
08-05-2010, 04:57 PM
While dusting my knick-knacks one day
I noticed a few were passť

iLion
08-05-2010, 05:01 PM
While dusting my knick-knacks one day
I noticed a few were passť
I threw them all out

flyingtart
08-05-2010, 05:05 PM
While dusting my knick-knacks one day
I noticed a few were passť
I threw them all out
But then, filled with doubt

Lavern08
08-05-2010, 06:29 PM
While dusting my knick-knacks one day
I noticed a few were passť
I threw them all out
But then, filled with doubt
I bought a few more - What the hey?

While eating my lunch at the table

Nymtoc
08-05-2010, 06:58 PM
While eating my lunch at the table
I watched Bill O'Reilly on cable

K1P1
08-05-2010, 08:01 PM
While eating my lunch at the table
I watched Bill O'Reilly on cable
He ranted and swore

RevisionIsTheKey
08-06-2010, 05:48 AM
While eating my lunch at the table
I watched Bill O'Reilly on cable
He ranted and swore
A new one he tore

Nymtoc
08-06-2010, 06:11 AM
While eating my lunch at the table
I watched Bill O'Reilly on cable
He ranted and swore
A new one he tore,
Inventing a new right-wing fable.

There once was a witch known as Nell

archerjoe
08-06-2010, 06:45 AM
There once was a witch known as Nell
Who summoned her minions from hell

ejaycee
08-06-2010, 11:24 AM
There once was a witch known as Nell
Who summoned her minions from hell
They cleaned up the floor

flyingtart
08-06-2010, 11:54 AM
There once was a witch known as Nell
Who summoned her minions from hell
They cleaned up the floor
Then ran out the door

Lavern08
08-06-2010, 05:58 PM
There once was a witch known as Nell
Who summoned her minions from hell
They cleaned up the floor
Then ran out the door
As they threatened the Swiffer named Belle

I never thought I'd be so happy

K1P1
08-06-2010, 07:13 PM
I never thought I'd be so happy
After years so incredibly crappy

flyingtart
08-06-2010, 07:27 PM
I never thought I'd be so happy
After years so incredibly crappy
The source of my joy

archerjoe
08-06-2010, 08:38 PM
I never thought I'd be so happy
After years so incredibly crappy
The source of my joy
A dear childhood toy

Nymtoc
08-06-2010, 08:44 PM
I never thought I'd be so happy
After years so incredibly crappy
The source of my joy
A dear childhood toy
A blue yo-yo. Who cares if it's sappy?

While making my way through the fog

Lavern08
08-06-2010, 09:19 PM
While making my way through the fog
I tripped and fell over a log

flyingtart
08-06-2010, 10:48 PM
While making my way through the fog
I tripped and fell over a log
The log was not pleased

Nymtoc
08-06-2010, 11:01 PM
While making my way through the fog
I tripped and fell over a log
The log was not pleased
In fact, it was cheesed

Pthom
08-06-2010, 11:35 PM
While making my way through the fog
I tripped and fell over a log
The log was not pleased
In fact, it was cheesed
And threw me, kerplop! in the bog.

I wish that this stuff on my desk

Nymtoc
08-07-2010, 12:32 AM
I wish that this stuff on my desk
Did look always look so grotesque

RevisionIsTheKey
08-07-2010, 01:54 AM
I wish that this stuff on my desk
Did not always look so grotesque (Changed first "look" to "not")
But I'm such a hoarder

Nymtoc
08-07-2010, 03:41 AM
I wish that this stuff on my desk
Did not always look so grotesque
But I'm such a hoarder
This constant disorder

Albedo of Zero
08-07-2010, 07:34 AM
I wish that this stuff on my desk
Did not always look so grotesque
But I'm such a hoarder
This constant disorder
I could pile it to look statuesque.



If everything didn't cost money

flyingtart
08-07-2010, 11:48 AM
If everything didn't cost money
I'd fly to a place hot and sunny

RevisionIsTheKey
08-07-2010, 10:33 PM
If everything didn't cost money
I'd fly to a place hot and sunny
I'd pack my best thong

Nymtoc
08-07-2010, 10:41 PM
If everything didn't cost money
I'd fly to a place hot and sunny
I'd pack my best thong,
Take my surfboard along

flyingtart
08-07-2010, 11:38 PM
If everything didn't cost money
I'd fly to a place hot and sunny
I'd pack my best thong,
Take my surfboard along
And my ice cream would melt and go runny

In trying to keep my rhymes clean

Nymtoc
08-08-2010, 12:10 AM
In trying to keep my rhymes clean
I follow a stringent routine

flyingtart
08-08-2010, 02:10 PM
In trying to keep my rhymes clean
I follow a stringent routine
I scrub them with lime

Nymtoc
08-08-2010, 05:47 PM
In trying to keep my rhymes clean
I follow a stringent routine
I scrub them with lime,
Permitting no grime,

RevisionIsTheKey
08-08-2010, 10:29 PM
In trying to keep my rhymes clean
I follow a stringent routine
I scrub them with lime,
Permitting no grime,
Eschewing the vile and obscene.

I used to have problems with meter

Nymtoc
08-09-2010, 02:20 AM
I used to have problems with meter
I wrote lines that just went on and on interminably, like this one, although I tried to be neater.

Matera the Mad
08-09-2010, 07:48 AM
I used to have problems with meter
I wrote lines that just went on and on interminably, like this one, although I tried to be neater.
But one day, a friend

Albedo of Zero
08-09-2010, 10:02 AM
I used to have problems with meter
I wrote lines that just went on and on interminably, like this one, although I tried to be neater.
But one day, a friend
(okay, not really a friend but I'll just pretend)

flyingtart
08-09-2010, 11:44 AM
I used to have problems with meter
I wrote lines that just went on and on interminably, like this one, although I tried to be neater.
But one day, a friend
(okay, not really a friend but I'll just pretend)
Said 'Really, you're writing a bus when what you want is a two seater'


I used to have problems with rhyme

oneblindmouse
08-09-2010, 01:29 PM
i used to have problems with rhyme
which some would consider a crime

Nymtoc
08-09-2010, 05:55 PM
I used to have problems with rhyme
Which some would consider a crime
And one day a cop

flyingtart
08-09-2010, 07:12 PM
I used to have problems with rhyme
Which some would consider a crime
And one day a cop
Will force me to stop

oneblindmouse
08-09-2010, 07:33 PM
I used to have problems with rhyme
Which some would consider a crime
And one day a cop
Will force me to stop
Or put me in jail doing time.

The crickets are making such noise

Nymtoc
08-09-2010, 09:56 PM
The crickets are making such noise
I may lose my usual poise

flyingtart
08-10-2010, 01:03 PM
The crickets are making such noise
I may lose my usual poise
They sound like a drill

Pthom
08-11-2010, 02:43 AM
The crickets are making such noise
I may lose my usual poise
They sound like a drill
(My Makita, so shrill!)

Nymtoc
08-11-2010, 03:17 AM
The crickets are making such noise
I may lose my usual poise
They sound like a drill
(My Makita, so shrill!)
And subvert the serene evening's joys.

Last night my pet crow flew away

Pthom
08-11-2010, 04:27 AM
Last night my pet crow flew away
To shack out with a mangy scrub jay.

RevisionIsTheKey
08-11-2010, 04:35 AM
Last night my pet crow flew away
To shack out with a mangy scrub jay.
He said I lacked style

Albedo of Zero
08-11-2010, 05:03 AM
Last night my pet crow flew away
To shack out with a mangy scrub jay.
He said I lacked style
"I'll be caw-n for awhile"

RevisionIsTheKey
08-11-2010, 05:12 AM
Last night my pet crow flew away
To shack out with a mangy scrub jay.
He said I lacked style
"I'll be caw-n for a while,
and please, get a better toupee."

Ol' Roscoe is such a curdudgeon

Nymtoc
08-11-2010, 07:57 AM
Ole Roscoe is such a curdudgeon
Cousin Bob banged him up with a bludgeon

RevisionIsTheKey
08-11-2010, 08:03 AM
Ol' Roscoe is such a curdudgeon
Cousin Bob banged him up with a bludgeon,
It ticked Roscoe off

flyingtart
08-11-2010, 12:26 PM
Ol' Roscoe is such a curdudgeon
Cousin Bob banged him up with a bludgeon,
It ticked Roscoe off
Till he started to cough

Nymtoc
08-11-2010, 04:37 PM
Ol' Roscoe is such a curdudgeon
Cousin Bob banged him up with a bludgeon,
It ticked Roscoe off
Till he started to cough.
Then he stopped cold. Now he's barely budgin'.

I'm focused on winning the race

oneblindmouse
08-11-2010, 04:41 PM
I'm focused on winning the race
Don't ask me to slow down my pace

flyingtart
08-11-2010, 05:28 PM
I'm focused on winning the race
Don't ask me to slow down my pace
Around the next bend

oneblindmouse
08-11-2010, 05:31 PM
I'm focused on winning the race
Don't ask me to slow down my pace
Around the next bend
I'm meeting a friend

K1P1
08-11-2010, 08:29 PM
I'm focused on winning the race
Don't ask me to slow down my pace
Around the next bend
I'm meeting a friend
Who carries his own carapace.

There once was a runner from Portsmouth

Nymtoc
08-11-2010, 08:39 PM
Well, this is going to be a doozy. There are no rhymes for "Portsmouth," unless we make something up. Allow me to caution all you clever players that a rhyme for "mouth" is not what is needed here. Something like "forts-muth" would work, but of course there is no such word. Ah, such fun! :D

There once was a runner from Portsmouth

RevisionIsTheKey
08-11-2010, 08:54 PM
There once was a runner from Portsmouth
Who said with a lisp, "My name'th Anguth."

Lavern08
08-11-2010, 09:32 PM
There once was a runner from Portsmouth
Who said with a lisp, "My name'th Anguth."
He won all the races

Pthom
08-11-2010, 10:11 PM
Well, this is going to be a doozy. There are no rhymes for "Portsmouth," unless we make something up. Allow me to caution all you clever players that a rhyme for "mouth" is not what is needed here. Something like "forts-muth" would work, but of course there is no such word. Ah, such fun! :D

There once was a runner from Portsmouth
What about azimuth? ;)

There once was a runner from Portsmouth
Who said with a lisp, "My name'th Anguth."
He won all the races
In sixty-five paces

flyingtart
08-11-2010, 10:27 PM
There once was a runner from Portsmouth
Who said with a lisp, "My name'th Anguth."
He won all the races
In sixty-five paces
Then stripped off to keep his cool shorts buff.


May God bless our Queen, Liz Regina

K1P1
08-11-2010, 11:59 PM
May God bless our Queen, Liz Regina
And her kids do nothing obscenah*

*regional pronunciation of obscener

RevisionIsTheKey
08-12-2010, 02:16 AM
May God bless our Queen, Liz Regina
And her kids do nothing obscenah*
Like mooning the public

Nymtoc
08-12-2010, 03:40 AM
May God bless our Queen, Liz Regina
And her kids do nothing obscenah*
Like mooning the public
And acting dumb-fublic*



* OK, I made it up :cool:

Matera the Mad
08-12-2010, 11:21 AM
May God bless our Queen, Liz Regina
And her kids do nothing obscenah*
Like mooning the public
And acting dumb-fublic*
Or writing a limerick meanah
(than this one)

What happened to Oswald the rabbit?

flyingtart
08-12-2010, 12:05 PM
(By the way, regina rhymes with finer :-))

What happened to Oswald the rabbit?
He died on account of his habit

Nymtoc
08-12-2010, 02:18 PM
What happened to Oswald the rabbit?
He died on account of his habit,
And yet the old bunny

Lavern08
08-12-2010, 06:25 PM
What happened to Oswald the rabbit?
He died on account of his habit,
And yet the old bunny
Thought smoking was funny

K1P1
08-12-2010, 08:06 PM
What happened to Oswald the rabbit?
He died on account of his habit,
And yet the old bunny
Thought smoking was funny
Any kind of tobacco? He'd grab it.

While gently escorting him homeward

RevisionIsTheKey
08-12-2010, 09:16 PM
While gently escorting him homeward
I offered him some of my bean curd

K1P1
08-12-2010, 11:21 PM
While gently escorting him homeward
I offered him some of my bean curd
He writhed with disgust

K1P1
08-13-2010, 02:18 AM
While gently escorting him homeward
I offered him some of my bean curd
He writhed with disgust


What, is there a problem finding rhymes with "disgust"?

august
unjust
cussed
lust
must
crust
sussed
trust
etc.

Let's get this thread moving!

~sigh~ Do I have to do everything myself?

RevisionIsTheKey
08-13-2010, 05:59 AM
While gently escorting him homeward
I offered him some of my bean curd
He writhed with disgust
Which left me nonplussed

K1P1
08-13-2010, 06:36 AM
While gently escorting him homeward
I offered him some of my bean curd
He writhed with disgust
Which left me nonplussed
Then he cursed me and called me a mean word.

If ever an angel existed

RevisionIsTheKey
08-13-2010, 07:47 AM
"If ever an angel existed,"
the maiden's young suitor insisted

flyingtart
08-13-2010, 10:21 AM
"If ever an angel existed,"
the maiden's young suitor insisted
"It has to be you

K1P1
08-13-2010, 06:19 PM
"If ever an angel existed,"
the maiden's young suitor insisted
"It has to be you
Although you're a Jew

flyingtart
08-13-2010, 07:11 PM
"If ever an angel existed,"
the maiden's young suitor insisted
"It has to be you
Although you're a Jew
And your telephone number's unlisted."


Matilda looked fine in her frock

Pthom
08-13-2010, 10:08 PM
Matilda looked fine in her frock
Till she slipped and fell off of the dock!

K1P1
08-13-2010, 11:10 PM
Matilda looked fine in her frock
Till she slipped and fell off of the dock!
She grabbed for a rope

flyingtart
08-13-2010, 11:26 PM
Matilda looked fine in her frock
Till she slipped and fell off of the dock!
She grabbed for a rope
But instead, like a dope

Pthom
08-14-2010, 12:04 AM
Matilda looked fine in her frock
Till she slipped and fell off of the dock!
She grabbed for a rope
But instead, like a dope Caught the neck of a goose in the flock!


The feathers were used in a pillow

RevisionIsTheKey
08-14-2010, 03:26 AM
The feathers were used in a pillow
The guts fed her pet armadillo

flyingtart
08-14-2010, 11:52 AM
The feathers were used in a pillow
The guts fed her pet armadillo
And the tip of its beak

K1P1
08-15-2010, 12:51 AM
The feathers were used in a pillow
The guts fed her pet armadillo
And the tip of its beak
Continued to speak

RevisionIsTheKey
08-15-2010, 03:45 AM
The feathers were used in a pillow
The guts fed her pet armadillo
And the tip of its beak
Continued to speak
And said, "Dude, which way's Amarillo?"

Armand drives a '92 beater

K1P1
08-15-2010, 06:34 AM
Armand drives a '92 beater
It used to be a four-seater

Matera the Mad
08-15-2010, 07:26 AM
Armand drives a '92 beater
It used to be a four-seater
But he took out the back

flyingtart
08-15-2010, 11:18 AM
Armand drives a '92 beater
It used to be a four-seater
But he took out the back
Replaced it with sack

RevisionIsTheKey
08-15-2010, 11:43 AM
Armand drives a '92 beater
It used to be a four-seater
But he took out the back
Replaced it with sack
Upon sack of potent saltpeter.

This explains why he can't get a date

flyingtart
08-15-2010, 05:28 PM
This explains why he can't get a date
He's more use as a pet than a mate

archerjoe
08-16-2010, 04:35 AM
This explains why he can't get a date
He's more use as a pet than a mate
He's charming until

Nymtoc
08-16-2010, 09:46 PM
This explains why he can't get a date
He's more use as a pet than a mate
He's charming until
You long for a thrill

RevisionIsTheKey
08-16-2010, 11:15 PM
This explains why he can't get a date
He's more use as a pet than a mate
He's charming until
You long for a thrill
But between you, there'll be nothing straight.

Aunt Mabel was truly indignant

Nymtoc
08-16-2010, 11:52 PM
Aunt Mabel was truly indignant
Mispronouncing, she called him "repignant."

flyingtart
08-16-2010, 11:57 PM
Aunt Mabel was truly indignant
Mispronouncing, she called him "repignant."
His wandering hands

K1P1
08-17-2010, 03:22 AM
Aunt Mabel was truly indignant
Mispronouncing, she called him "repignant."
His wandering hands
And odiferous glands

Nymtoc
08-17-2010, 07:32 AM
Aunt Mabel was truly indignant
Mispronouncing, she called him "repignant."
His wandering hands
And odiferous glands,
Not to mention his breath, were malignant.

In a tumble-down building in Philly

flyingtart
08-17-2010, 05:02 PM
In a tumble-down building in Philly
Lived a gnome who wore trousers most silly

Lavern08
08-17-2010, 06:09 PM
In a tumble-down building in Philly
Lived a gnome who wore trousers most silly
They were split up the back

flyingtart
08-17-2010, 08:26 PM
In a tumble-down building in Philly
Lived a gnome who wore trousers most silly
They were split up the back
And made of rough sack

Nymtoc
08-17-2010, 08:49 PM
In a tumble-down building in Philly
Lived a gnome who wore trousers most silly
They were split up the back
And made of rough sack,
And he got them from Milli Vanilli.

There's a dude on Olympus called Zeus

Lavern08
08-17-2010, 10:34 PM
There's a dude on Olympus called Zeus
Whose morals I think are quite loose

flyingtart
08-17-2010, 10:37 PM
There's a dude on Olympus called Zeus
Whose morals I think are quite loose
He's had every filly

K1P1
08-18-2010, 02:28 AM
There's a dude on Olympus called Zeus
Whose morals I think are quite loose
He's had every filly
And cow willy nilly

Albedo of Zero
08-18-2010, 06:08 AM
There's a dude on Olympus called Zeus
Whose morals I think are quite loose
He's had every filly
And cow willy nilly
but the myth was the golden goose.


Medusa was in need for a 'do

Pthom
08-18-2010, 12:04 PM
Too many syllables, Albedo. I shall make adjustments :)

Medusa had need of a 'do
But she couldn't get out of the zoo!

flyingtart
08-18-2010, 12:19 PM
Medusa had need of a 'do
But she couldn't get out of the zoo!
So late one night

Nymtoc
08-18-2010, 03:16 PM
Medusa had need of a 'do
But she couldn't get out of the zoo!
So late one night,
Assessing her plight,

Nymtoc
08-18-2010, 11:13 PM
But setting it proved such a problem

At the risk of having people throw stones at me, permit me to point out again that we seem to be fond of false or near rhymes in this thread. Personally, I prefer true (or perfect) rhymes in a form as carefully constructed as a limerick.

Why do I bring this up again? Because there appear to be no rhymes in the English language for "problem." Players may come up with something like "solve them" or "goblin" as attempts to rhyme, but these are not true rhymes.

When writing a limerick line, it is useful to try to think ahead and lay some groundwork for the next player. :)

However, if players want to play fast and loose with rhymes in these limericks, so be it. I suppose our goal here is to have fun and not necessarily to create poetic masterpieces. I confess that I am something of a purist. So, having spoken on this subject, I shall not burden you with further examples of my pedantry.

And put down those stones!

:Lecture:

Lavern08
08-18-2010, 11:19 PM
Thanks for speaking for the rest of us *purists* Nymtoc.

This used to be my favorite thread, but I'm finding it increasingly painful to play along. :flag:

RevisionIsTheKey
08-19-2010, 12:24 AM
"Solve them" is a much better rhyme than any I had come up with. Kudos to Nym. But now I'm stumped on how to have "them" refer to a singular in the first line. So I will stand with Nym and tweak the first line. This should not bother the fast and loose players, as two people will be a bigger target to hit with the stones. :D

The problem was setting the style
But after they thought for a while

iLion
08-19-2010, 12:53 AM
The problem was setting the style
But after they thought for a while
Decided to cut

Nightfly
08-19-2010, 01:10 AM
Sorry no time to play. I must gather the stones.

Pthom
08-19-2010, 01:17 AM
At the risk of having people throw stones at me, permit me to point out again that we seem to be fond of false or near rhymes in this thread. Personally, I prefer true (or perfect) rhymes in a form as carefully constructed as a limerick.
You are not alone. Perfecting and practicing the Limerick form is the essence of this thread. It is permissible to use two words to rhyme with a multisyllable word ("rabbit" "habbit" "grab it") or vice versa, as long as the meter is preserved. There are even times when it is, in order to achieve the right amount of humor, irony, cynicism, to end a line mid-word to force the rhyme, continuing the word at the beginning of the next line. But be careful! There are those in this thread who hold the Limerick in high esteem. Treading on their toes may result in less-than-pleasant results!
:D


However, if players want to play fast and loose with rhymes in these limericks, so be it. I suppose our goal here is to have fun and not necessarily to create poetic masterpieces. I confess that I am something of a purist. So, having spoken on this subject, I shall not burden you with further examples of my pedantry.
Well, Nymtoc may be more lenient here than he prefers. I venture that the originator of this thread (reph--wish she were still about!) would come unglued at some of the travesties that have appeared here of late. Nymtoc makes a valid point: the limerick is a deceptively simple construct. For a limerick to have the desired result, it MUST conform to the rules. Yes the rules are bendable, but only a little (see above).

As moderator of this place, and therefore keeper of rules and all that kind of BS, I hereby decree: Any limerick that does NOT pass muster shall be changed by the first person who notices the blunder, with or without apology to the culprit. The goal of this thread is to collectively produce perfect and hilarious limericks. Anything that deviates from that goal is liable to result in unpleasntries never before seen here.

There.
:D
Peter.

Pthom
08-19-2010, 01:27 AM
The problem was setting the style
But after they thought for a while
Decided to cut
Her Gorgoneions, but

Nymtoc
08-19-2010, 01:59 AM
The problem was setting the style
But after they thought for a while
Decided to cut
Her Gorgoneions, but
The results were unspeakably vile!

Odysseus was one clever Greek

Pthom
08-19-2010, 04:02 AM
Odysseus was one clever Greek
He shined up his shield and did peek