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Kerlee
05-22-2010, 02:14 AM
When Jonny and Jenny first met
They considered each other a threat
both fugly as hell

CDSinex
05-22-2010, 02:52 AM
When Jonny and Jenny first met
They considered each other a threat
both fugly as hell
And judgmental as well

CatSlave
05-22-2010, 04:29 AM
When Jonny and Jenny first met
They considered each other a threat
both fugly as hell
And judgmental as well
Both smelled like two dogs who are wet.

They grumbled and stared at each other

archerjoe
05-22-2010, 06:17 AM
They grumbled and stared at each other
"Do you think we're sister and brother?"

CDSinex
05-22-2010, 07:28 AM
They grumbled and stared at each other
"Do you think we're sister and brother?"
"There's no chance of that,"

Matera the Mad
05-22-2010, 08:28 AM
They grumbled and stared at each other
"Do you think we're sister and brother?"
"There's no chance of that,"
He said. "You're a cat,

Kerlee
05-22-2010, 09:28 AM
They grumbled and stared at each other
"Do you think we're sister and brother?"
"There's no chance of that,"
He said. "You're a cat,
and I have a cow for a mother


I saw a green octopus sing

CatSlave
05-22-2010, 11:47 AM
I saw a green octopus sing
A strange and unusual thing

flyingtart
05-22-2010, 11:54 AM
I saw a green octopus sing
A strange and unusual thing
It leaned on my boat

Nymtoc
05-22-2010, 01:06 PM
I saw a green octopus sing
A strange and unusual thing
It leaned on my boat,
Sang "Hound Dog" in full throat

CatSlave
05-22-2010, 04:39 PM
I saw a green octopus sing
A strange and unusual thing
It leaned on my boat,
Sang "Hound Dog" in full throat
And insisted that he was The King.

There was an old lady from Rome

donroc
05-22-2010, 05:22 PM
There was an old lady from Rome
who loved a boy-toy from Nome

flyingtart
05-22-2010, 05:28 PM
There was an old lady from Rome
who loved a boy-toy from Nome
He thrilled her to bits

donroc
05-22-2010, 05:59 PM
There was an old lady from Rome
who loved a boy-toy from Nome
He thrilled her to bits
While she squeezed his zits

Nymtoc
05-22-2010, 06:14 PM
There was an old lady from Rome
who loved a boy-toy from Nome
He thrilled her to bits
While she squeezed his zits
And he tickled her hairless dome.

Marie Antoinette gave a ball

slcboston
05-22-2010, 06:26 PM
Marie Antoinette gave a ball
Held in the grand palace hall

Nymtoc
05-22-2010, 07:00 PM
Marie Antoinette gave a ball
Held in the grand palace hall
She wore a pink gown

flyingtart
05-22-2010, 07:05 PM
Marie Antoinette gave a ball
Held in the grand palace hall
She wore a pink gown
And a sorrowful frown

CDSinex
05-22-2010, 11:38 PM
Marie Antoinette gave a ball
Held in the grand palace hall
She wore a pink gown
And a sorrowful frown
For no cake was served at all.


I once had a friend from Tashkent.

RevisionIsTheKey
05-22-2010, 11:55 PM
I once had a friend from Tashkent
Who gave me a room for cash rent

CatSlave
05-23-2010, 12:00 AM
I once had a friend from Tashkent
Who gave me a room for cash rent
The space was so small

flyingtart
05-23-2010, 10:32 PM
I once had a friend from Tashkent
Who gave me a room for cash rent
The space was so small
There was no room at all

CDSinex
05-24-2010, 03:46 AM
I once had a friend from Tashkent
Who gave me a room for cash rent
The space was so small
There was no room at all
So all of my hangers were bent.

I smelled a faint whiff of perfume.

Paul
05-24-2010, 03:50 AM
I smelled a faint whiff of perfume.
"Lady Godiva I presume?"

RevisionIsTheKey
05-24-2010, 04:43 AM
I smelled a faint whiff of perfume.
"Lady Godiva I presume?"
Testosterone raged

archerjoe
05-24-2010, 04:48 AM
I smelled a faint whiff of perfume.
"Lady Godiva I presume?"
Testosterone raged
Security paged

Paul
05-24-2010, 04:53 AM
I smelled a faint whiff of perfume.
"Lady Godiva I presume?"
Testosterone raged
Security paged
I suddenly began to swoon...


Timmy didn't like naked women

CDSinex
05-24-2010, 05:31 AM
Timmy didn't like naked women
He even got hives when he'd see'em.

RevisionIsTheKey
05-24-2010, 06:13 AM
Timmy didn't like naked women
He even got hives when he'd see'em.
He sought medical help

Sir_Nigel
05-24-2010, 05:19 PM
Timmy didn't like naked women
He even got hives when he'd see'em.
He sought medical help -
Dr. Brunhilda Phelp

flyingtart
05-24-2010, 06:50 PM
Timmy didn't like naked women
He even got hives when he'd see'em.
He sought medical help -
Dr. Brunhilda Phelp
Who soon got him turned on to rimmin'


My analyst put me on drugs

RevisionIsTheKey
05-25-2010, 12:07 AM
My analyst put me on drugs
The side effect is giant jugs

Paul
05-25-2010, 12:39 AM
My analyst put me on drugs
The side effect is giant jugs
My boyfriend keeps grinning

CDSinex
05-25-2010, 04:41 AM
My analyst put me on drugs
The side effect is giant jugs
My boyfriend keeps grinning
But second base he's not winning.

Matera the Mad
05-25-2010, 04:59 AM
My analyst put me on drugs
The side effect is giant jugs
My boyfriend keeps grinning
But second base he's not winning.
However, he's tightened my lugs.

When a lady has size umpteen megaboobs

donroc
05-25-2010, 05:14 AM
When a lady has size umpteen megaboobs
And slaps them all over with lubes

flyingtart
05-25-2010, 03:54 PM
When a lady has size umpteen megaboobs
And slaps them all over with lubes
It tends to make

Sir_Nigel
05-25-2010, 04:25 PM
When a lady has size umpteen megaboobs
And slaps them all over with lubes
It tends to make
the mazongas look fake

archerjoe
05-25-2010, 04:30 PM
When a lady has size umpteen megaboobs
And slaps them all over with lubes
It tends to make
the mazongas look fake
But they get lots of hits on YouTubes

She met a wise chiropractor

Jobe
05-25-2010, 04:48 PM
She met a wise chiropractor
But he was engaged to a manly contractor

flyingtart
05-25-2010, 05:02 PM
Edited to fit:

She met a wise chiropractor
Engaged to a manly contractor
"Hello there," said she

Jobe
05-25-2010, 05:21 PM
She met a wise chiropractor
Engaged to a manly contractor
"Hello there," said she
As she gazed at his tree

Sir_Nigel
05-25-2010, 05:36 PM
She met a wise chiropractor
Engaged to a manly contractor
"Hello there," said she
As she gazed at his tree
- a Spruce - on the back of his tractor



The syllable count must be right

donroc
05-25-2010, 06:47 PM
The syllable count must be right
To achieve aesthetic delight

archerjoe
05-25-2010, 06:54 PM
The syllable count must be right
To achieve aesthetic delight
If the first line has eight

CDSinex
05-25-2010, 07:09 PM
The syllable count must be right
To achieve aesthetic delight
If the first line has eight
Then the sound will not grate

flyingtart
05-25-2010, 07:44 PM
The syllable count must be right
To achieve aesthetic delight
If the first line has eight
Then the sound will not grate
And we all shall sleep soundly tonight


Poor Murgatroyd stepped in a turd

RevisionIsTheKey
05-25-2010, 10:04 PM
Poor Murgatroyd stepped in a turd
"Heavens to Me! It's absurd!"

archerjoe
05-26-2010, 05:59 AM
Poor Murgatroyd stepped in a turd
"Heavens to Me! It's absurd!"
"Just look at my sandals!"

CDSinex
05-26-2010, 06:34 AM
Poor Murgatroyd stepped in a turd
"Heavens to Me! It's absurd!"
"Just look at my sandals!"
As he flew off the handle.

Matera the Mad
05-26-2010, 06:47 AM
Poor Murgatroyd stepped in a turd
"Heavens to Me! It's absurd!"
"Just look at my sandals!"
As he flew off the handle
And left without one civil word.

"It just figures," said Amos McArdle

Sir_Nigel
05-26-2010, 11:38 AM
"It just figures," said Amos McArdle
“Predestined” sighed Mrs McFlardle

flyingtart
05-26-2010, 12:08 PM
"It just figures," said Amos McArdle
“Predestined” sighed Mrs McFlardle
"The course of this verse

Sir_Nigel
05-26-2010, 04:37 PM
"It just figures," said Amos McArdle
“Predestined” sighed Mrs McFlardle
"The course of this verse
proceeds like hearse"

Nymtoc
05-26-2010, 05:10 PM
"It just figures," said Amos McArdle
“Predestined” sighed Mrs McFlardle
"The course of this verse
proceeds like hearse,
In his grave he'll roll over, the Bard'll."

I'm thinking of buying a bike

flyingtart
05-26-2010, 05:54 PM
I'm thinking of buying a bike
And some flashy new trainers from Nike

archerjoe
05-26-2010, 05:55 PM
I'm thinking of buying a bike
And some flashy new trainers from Nike
I'll race down the street

Paul
05-26-2010, 07:29 PM
I'm thinking of buying a bike
And some flashy new trainers from Nike
I'll race down the street
wave at all I meet

Nymtoc
05-27-2010, 12:50 AM
I'm thinking of buying a bike
And some flashy new trainers from Nike
I'll race down the street
wave at all I meet
except for the ones I don't like.

In a cave on the Isle of Capri

RevisionIsTheKey
05-27-2010, 01:09 AM
In a cave on the Isle of Capri
I saw Seacrest, the famous emcee

Jobe
05-27-2010, 02:25 AM
In a cave on the Isle of Capri
I saw Seacrest, the famous emcee
"Curses!" yelled he as I

RevisionIsTheKey
05-27-2010, 03:30 AM
In a cave on the Isle of Capri
I saw Seacrest, the famous emcee
"Curses!" yelled he as I
tickled his thigh

Sir_Nigel
05-27-2010, 12:05 PM
In a cave on the Isle of Capri
I saw Seacrest, the famous emcee
"Curses!" yelled he as I
tickled his thigh
He never found out it was me.


There was a young fellow from Napoli

flyingtart
05-27-2010, 12:28 PM
There was a young fellow from Napoli
Who did all his daily tasks happily

Kerlee
05-27-2010, 01:12 PM
There was a young fellow from Napoli
Who did all his daily tasks happily
except for the loo

flyingtart
05-27-2010, 01:32 PM
There was a young fellow from Napoli
Who did all his daily tasks happily
except for the loo
which made him feel blue

Nymtoc
05-27-2010, 01:52 PM
There was a young fellow from Napoli
Who did all his daily tasks happily
except for the loo
which made him feel blue.
He carried out that duty crappily.

There was a young lady from Parma

Sir_Nigel
05-27-2010, 02:24 PM
There was a young lady from Parma
Who wore only half a pyjama

archerjoe
05-27-2010, 02:30 PM
There was a young lady from Parma
Who wore only half a pyjama
Whether bottom or top

donroc
05-27-2010, 03:56 PM
There was a young lady from Parma
Who wore only half a pyjama
Whether bottom or top
She really could bop

RevisionIsTheKey
05-27-2010, 06:12 PM
There was a young lady from Parma
Who wore only half a pyjama
Whether bottom or top
She really could bop
But it made for some very bad Karma.

I woke with a miserable migraine

flyingtart
05-27-2010, 10:56 PM
I woke with a miserable migraine
After dreaming about Robbie Coltrane

RevisionIsTheKey
05-28-2010, 12:06 AM
I woke with a miserable migraine
After dreaming about Robbie Coltrane
But such rhythmic throbbing!

Paul
05-28-2010, 01:42 AM
I woke with a miserable migraine
After dreaming about Robbie Coltrane
But such rhythmic throbbing!
Kept my heart a bopping

RevisionIsTheKey
05-28-2010, 01:59 AM
I woke with a miserable migraine
After dreaming about Robbie Coltrane
But such rhythmic throbbing!
Kept my heart a bopping
Those husky guys sure are high octane!

Sir Oswald Sebastian deWynter

Kerlee
05-28-2010, 03:43 AM
Sir Oswald Sebastian deWynter
discovered an odd looking splinter

Jobe
05-28-2010, 04:14 AM
Sir Oswald Sebastian deWynter
discovered an odd looking splinter
but his Greek cousin

archerjoe
05-28-2010, 07:09 AM
Sir Oswald Sebastian deWynter
discovered an odd looking splinter
but his Greek cousin
had over a dozen

Matera the Mad
05-28-2010, 08:03 AM
Sir Oswald Sebastian deWynter
discovered an odd looking splinter
but his Greek cousin
had over a dozen
Displayed on a clean cotton linter

"How odd," said Sir Oswald, enchanted

RevisionIsTheKey
05-28-2010, 08:41 AM
"How odd," said Sir Oswald, enchanted,
"You have more of these than our aunt did."

Sir_Nigel
05-28-2010, 11:41 AM
"How odd," said Sir Oswald, enchanted,
"You have more of these than our aunt did. “
“Yet Uncle Octavian”

flyingtart
05-28-2010, 12:49 PM
"How odd," said Sir Oswald, enchanted,
"You have more of these than our aunt did. “
“Yet Uncle Octavian
Got his whilst caving"

Sir_Nigel
05-28-2010, 01:45 PM
"How odd," said Sir Oswald, enchanted,
"You have more of these than our aunt did. “
“Yet Uncle Octavian
Got his whilst caving"
“That pot-holing ****er.” he bantered



There was trifle all over her face

flyingtart
05-28-2010, 03:15 PM
There was trifle all over her face
Which seemed the appropriate place

Paul
05-28-2010, 05:22 PM
There was trifle all over her face
Which seemed the appropriate place
For her outrageous faux pas,

Nymtoc
05-28-2010, 06:54 PM
There was trifle all over her face
Which seemed the appropriate place
For her outrageous faux pas,
She simply said, "Ha!"

slcboston
05-28-2010, 07:17 PM
There was trifle all over her face
Which seemed the appropriate place
For her outrageous faux pas,
She simply said, "Ha!"
And strolled away at a unhurried pace



There once was a chef who spilled oil

flyingtart
05-28-2010, 07:40 PM
There once was a chef who spilled oil
Which was luckily not near the boil

Paul
05-29-2010, 03:21 AM
There once was a chef who spilled oil
Which was luckily not near the boil
He skidded and fell

RevisionIsTheKey
05-29-2010, 03:40 AM
There once was a chef who spilled oil
Which was luckily not near the boil
He skidded and fell
Landed in Ramsay's hell

Paul
05-29-2010, 03:45 AM
There once was a chef who spilled oil
Which was luckily not near the boil
He skidded and fell
Landed in Ramsay's hell
treated to an ear full of bile

Why do screaming chefs make for TV?

Matera the Mad
05-29-2010, 06:27 AM
Why do screaming chefs make for TV?
Are they all motivated by envy?

CDSinex
05-29-2010, 09:41 AM
Why do screaming chefs make for TV?
Are they all motivated by envy?
They do break many eggs.

flyingtart
05-29-2010, 12:15 PM
Why do screaming chefs make for TV?
Are they all motivated by envy?
They do break many eggs.
And empty many kegs

RevisionIsTheKey
05-29-2010, 11:12 PM
Why do screaming chefs make for TV?
Are they all motivated by envy?
They do break many eggs.
And empty many kegs
For my taste, they're just too assaulty.

My sloth thinks that I am too lazy.

Matera the Mad
05-30-2010, 05:16 AM
My sloth thinks that I am too lazy.
His view of life, I think, is crazy

oneblindmouse
05-30-2010, 11:02 AM
My sloth thinks that I am too lazy.
His view of life, I think, is crazy
He sleeps all day long

flyingtart
05-30-2010, 12:01 PM
My sloth thinks that I am too lazy.
His view of life, I think, is crazy
He sleeps all day long
Dreaming of King Kong

RevisionIsTheKey
05-31-2010, 02:12 AM
My sloth thinks that I am too lazy.
His view of life, I think, is crazy
He sleeps all day long
Dreaming of King Kong
As directed by Martin Scorsese.

Pierpont spent the night in the slammer

Paul
05-31-2010, 03:34 AM
Pierpont spent the night in the slammer
with his dog, some string and a hammer

Matera the Mad
05-31-2010, 07:15 AM
Pierpont spent the night in the slammer
with his dog, some string and a hammer
When dawn broke at last

flyingtart
05-31-2010, 03:59 PM
Pierpont spent the night in the slammer
with his dog, some string and a hammer
When dawn broke at last
His dog was stuck fast

oneblindmouse
05-31-2010, 09:28 PM
Pierpont spent the night in the slammer
with his dog, some string and a hammer
When dawn broke at last
His dog was stuck fast
And the cold made him tremble and stammer.

The bars of his cell were so thick

flyingtart
05-31-2010, 10:35 PM
The bars of his cell were so thick
He couldn't break them down with a brick

oneblindmouse
05-31-2010, 10:38 PM
The bars of his cell were so thick
He couldn't break them down with a brick
So he wrote to his mum

CDSinex
05-31-2010, 11:48 PM
The bars of his cell were so thick
He couldn't break them down with a brick
So he wrote to his mum
Which I though was dumb

oneblindmouse
05-31-2010, 11:54 PM
The bars of his cell were so thick
He couldn't break them down with a brick
So he wrote to his mum
Which I though was dumb
and asked for a file, double quick!

A madman who thought he could fly

CDSinex
06-01-2010, 12:28 AM
A madman who thought he could fly
Spent most of the 60s quite high.

Matera the Mad
06-01-2010, 06:47 AM
A madman who thought he could fly
Spent most of the 60s quite high.
First he tried LSD

CDSinex
06-01-2010, 07:56 AM
A madman who thought he could fly
Spent most of the 60s quite high.
First he tried LSD
And then PCP

Nymtoc
06-01-2010, 10:12 AM
A madman who thought he could fly
Spent most of the 60s quite high.
First he tried LSD
And then PCP
Till at last he tried Kool-Aid. Bye-bye!

There's a treasure, they say, in the lake

flyingtart
06-01-2010, 01:10 PM
There's a treasure, they say, in the lake
But there are some precautions to take

CDSinex
06-01-2010, 01:16 PM
There's a treasure, they say, in the lake
But there are some precautions to take
If you go out in a boat

Nymtoc
06-01-2010, 05:06 PM
There's a treasure, they say, in the lake
But there are some precautions to take
If you go out in a boat
Don't wear a mink coat

flyingtart
06-01-2010, 05:14 PM
There's a treasure, they say, in the lake
But there are some precautions to take
If you go out in a boat
Don't wear a mink coat
Or mountain boots, for Heaven's Sake!


You're better off diving in quick

RevisionIsTheKey
06-01-2010, 06:05 PM
You're better off diving in quick
Or you'll panic and sink like a brick

Pthom
06-02-2010, 12:25 AM
You're better off diving in quick
Or you'll panic and sink like a brick.
So when you go swimming

oneblindmouse
06-02-2010, 12:27 AM
You're better off diving in quick
Or you'll panic and sink like a brick.
So when you go swimming
And if the pool's brimming

talkwrite
06-02-2010, 02:24 AM
You're better off diving in quick
Or you'll panic and sink like a brick.
So when you go swimming
And if the pool's brimming
It'll feell like a Gulf Coast Oil slick.

A writer moved next door to Palin

RevisionIsTheKey
06-02-2010, 02:27 AM
A writer moved next door to Palin
She built a fence he might try scalin'

Nymtoc
06-02-2010, 02:54 AM
A writer moved next door to Palin
She built a fence he might try scalin',
Then loaded her gun

archerjoe
06-02-2010, 07:13 AM
A writer moved next door to Palin
She built a fence he might try scalin',
Then loaded her gun
Now he's on the run

flyingtart
06-02-2010, 03:59 PM
A writer moved next door to Palin
She built a fence he might try scalin',
Then loaded her gun
Now he's on the run
But getting away ain't plain sailin'


While posting my queries one day

Kerlee
06-02-2010, 04:33 PM
While posting my queries one day
I thought it may be time to pray

donroc
06-02-2010, 04:45 PM
While posting my queries one day
I thought it may be time to pray
For a top-drawer agent

Paul
06-02-2010, 05:55 PM
While posting my queries one day
I thought it may be time to pray
For a top-drawer agent
who's looking for a gent (I tried honestly)

flyingtart
06-02-2010, 07:14 PM
While posting my queries one day
I thought it may be time to pray
For a top-drawer agent
who's looking for a gent
May not be so easy to sway


I'm struggling to find a pitch

Paul
06-02-2010, 07:22 PM
I'm struggling to find a pitch
that's punchy and without a hitch

RevisionIsTheKey
06-02-2010, 09:21 PM
I'm struggling to find a pitch
that's punchy and without a hitch
It needs some pizzazz

Nymtoc
06-02-2010, 09:45 PM
I'm struggling to find a pitch
that's punchy and without a hitch
It needs some pizzazz
Or cool razzmatazz

donroc
06-02-2010, 09:45 PM
I'm struggling to find a pitch
that's punchy and without a hitch
It needs some pizzazz
And the old razzmatazz

donroc
06-02-2010, 09:46 PM
I'm struggling to find a pitch
that's punchy and without a hitch
It needs some pizzazz
Or cool razzmatazz

Great minds at work again! :D

Kerlee
06-03-2010, 08:53 AM
I'm struggling to find a pitch
that's punchy and without a hitch
It needs some pizzazz
Or cool razzmatazz
and maybe then I will get rich



my pastor was getting quite drunk

poetinahat
06-03-2010, 09:09 AM
my pastor was getting quite drunk
and ruing how low he had sunk

RevisionIsTheKey
06-03-2010, 10:55 AM
my pastor was getting quite drunk
and ruing how low he had sunk
"Tomorrow," he vowed,

flyingtart
06-03-2010, 01:03 PM
my pastor was getting quite drunk
and ruing how low he had sunk
"Tomorrow," he vowed,
"I'll proclaim good and loud

Sir_Nigel
06-03-2010, 01:52 PM
my pastor was getting quite drunk
and ruing how low he had sunk
"Tomorrow," he vowed,
"I'll proclaim good and loud:
I’m shacked up with a cross-dressing monk ! “


He jumped off the cliff with a cry

Kerlee
06-03-2010, 03:21 PM
He jumped off the cliff with a cry
and whimpered a quiet bye bye

The Tin Dog
06-03-2010, 05:06 PM
He jumped off the cliff with a cry
and whimpered a quiet bye bye
as he plummeted down

Sir_Nigel
06-03-2010, 05:21 PM
He jumped off the cliff with a cry
and whimpered a quiet bye bye
as he plummeted down
he saw ‘This Way to Town →’

flyingtart
06-03-2010, 05:35 PM
He jumped off the cliff with a cry
and whimpered a quiet bye bye
as he plummeted down
he saw ‘This Way to Town →’
And a strange golden glow in the sky.

Said he, "Are you perchance Saint Peter?"

archerjoe
06-03-2010, 05:37 PM
Said he, "Are you perchance Saint Peter?"
"The angelic heavenly greeter?"

Sir_Nigel
06-03-2010, 06:11 PM
Said he, "Are you perchance Saint Peter?"
"The angelic heavenly greeter?"
The vision said “No”

donroc
06-03-2010, 06:26 PM
Said he, "Are you perchance Saint Peter?"
"The angelic heavenly greeter?"
The vision said “No”
"You are going below."

archerjoe
06-03-2010, 08:58 PM
Said he, "Are you perchance Saint Peter?"
"The angelic heavenly greeter?"
The vision said “No”
"You are going below."
"Where you'll have no use for a heater."

"Oh, please, won't you recheck the books?"

Nymtoc
06-03-2010, 09:18 PM
"Oh, please, won't you recheck the books?
My life's not as bad as it looks!"

flyingtart
06-03-2010, 09:35 PM
"Oh, please, won't you recheck the books?
My life's not as bad as it looks!
If you send me back

donroc
06-03-2010, 09:51 PM
Oh, please, won't you recheck the books?
My life's not as bad as it looks!
If you send me back
To old Hackensack

Nymtoc
06-03-2010, 10:40 PM
"Oh, please, won't you recheck the books?
My life's not as bad as it looks!
If you send me back
To old Hackensack
I'll fall victim to scumbags and crooks!"

"It's no use," Saint Peter declared.

ad_lucem
06-03-2010, 11:08 PM
"It's no use," Saint Peter declared.
"You've caught me quite unawares..."

oneblindmouse
06-04-2010, 12:01 AM
"It's no use," Saint Peter declared.
"You've caught me quite unawares...
To Hell you must go

Lavern08
06-04-2010, 12:37 AM
"It's no use," Saint Peter declared.
"You've caught me quite unawares...
To Hell you must go
And no, there's no snow.

RevisionIsTheKey
06-04-2010, 02:50 AM
"It's no use," Saint Peter declared.
"You've caught me quite unawares...
To Hell you must go
And no, there's no snow.
And it won't help to pout or to swear.

Big Louie refuses to Twitter

Paul
06-04-2010, 02:55 AM
Big Louie refuses to Twitter
In his mouth the fad tastes quite bitter

archerjoe
06-04-2010, 03:58 AM
Big Louie refuses to Twitter
In his mouth the fad tastes quite bitter
He said "What's the point?"

Paul
06-04-2010, 04:04 AM
Big Louie refuses to Twitter
In his mouth the fad tastes quite bitter
He said "What's the point?
As he lit up a joint,"

CDSinex
06-04-2010, 05:12 AM
Big Louie refuses to Twitter
In his mouth the fad tastes quite bitter
He said "What's the point?
As he lit up a joint,"
Got stoned and started to titter.


I once had a girlfriend so nice,

RevisionIsTheKey
06-04-2010, 06:51 AM
I once had a girlfriend so nice,
I was on her like white is on rice

Matera the Mad
06-04-2010, 07:06 AM
I once had a girlfriend so nice,
I was on her like white is on rice
Right from the first date

ad_lucem
06-04-2010, 08:39 AM
I once had a girlfriend so nice,
I was on her like white is on rice
Right from the first date
She always came late

Pthom
06-04-2010, 09:57 AM
I once had a girlfriend so nice,
I was on her like white is on rice
Right from the first date
She always came late
Her excuse: "Being tardy's no vice."


Remember, oh limerick patron
When you write one you must pay attention
That your meter and rhyme
Must work right, all the time
So these poems don't go on vacation!
Prompted by Concerned Limerick Aficionados of Absolute Write.

Our foremost and obvious task

Sir_Nigel
06-04-2010, 12:05 PM
Our foremost and obvious task
Is to go to the barman and ask:

flyingtart
06-04-2010, 12:33 PM
Our foremost and obvious task
Is to go to the barman and ask:
"Why is this beer

Paul
06-04-2010, 12:40 PM
Our foremost and obvious task
Is to go to the barman and ask:
"Why is this beer
which brings me such cheer

Sir_Nigel
06-04-2010, 01:24 PM
Our foremost and obvious task
Is to go to the barman and ask:
"Why is this beer
which brings me such cheer
not served in a ten gallon cask?


Two ladies – one thin and one fat

Nymtoc
06-04-2010, 01:28 PM
Two ladies – one thin and one fat -
Sat down on a sofa to chat

donroc
06-04-2010, 03:08 PM
Two ladies – one thin and one fat -
Sat down on a sofa to chat
It tipped to the right

archerjoe
06-04-2010, 03:58 PM
Two ladies – one thin and one fat -
Sat down on a sofa to chat
It tipped to the right
And try as they might

flyingtart
06-04-2010, 04:04 PM
Two ladies – one thin and one fat -
Sat down on a sofa to chat
It tipped to the right
And try as they might
They just couldn't get out of that!


While brandishing my garden hose

donroc
06-04-2010, 04:07 PM
While brandishing my garden hose
A torrent sprayed up my nose

Sir_Nigel
06-04-2010, 04:12 PM
While brandishing my garden hose
A torrent sprayed up my nose
my flooded proboscis

RevisionIsTheKey
06-05-2010, 02:28 AM
While brandishing my garden hose
A torrent sprayed up my nose
my flooded proboscis
A nasal colossus

Kerlee
06-05-2010, 05:18 AM
While brandishing my garden hose
A torrent sprayed up my nose
my flooded proboscis
A nasal colossus
shot mucus all over my toes



the bunny was eating some meat

Nymtoc
06-05-2010, 06:11 AM
The bunny was eating some meat
For an herbivore, quite a strange treat

RevisionIsTheKey
06-05-2010, 07:36 AM
The bunny was eating some meat
For an herbivore, quite a strange treat
He drank a red wine

CDSinex
06-05-2010, 07:37 AM
The bunny was eating some meat
For an herbivore, quite a strange treat
He drank a red wine
and proceeded to dine

RevisionIsTheKey
06-05-2010, 07:46 AM
The bunny was eating some meat
For an herbivore, quite a strange treat
He drank a red wine
and proceeded to dine
'til the chef threw him into the street.

A limericist named CDSinex

CDSinex
06-05-2010, 12:50 PM
A limericist named CDSinex
Was waiting, and counted the minutes.

CDSinex
06-05-2010, 12:53 PM
A limericist named CDSinex
Was waiting, and counted the minutes.
He said, "Revision's The Key",

flyingtart
06-05-2010, 04:41 PM
A limericist named CDSinex
Was waiting, and counted the minutes.
He said, "Revision's The Key",
But how could that be?

CDSinex
06-05-2010, 08:18 PM
A limericist named CDSinex
Was waiting, and counted the minutes.
He said, "Revision's The Key",
"But how could that be?"
"The Tart's flown away with the Phoenix."


For anyone wondering about the minutes, Sinex, and Phoenix rhyme, my last name is pronounced Sin-nix.


All Characters, real or fictitious,

Torin
06-05-2010, 08:43 PM
All Characters, real or fictitious,
Should eat food that's very nutritious,

flyingtart
06-05-2010, 10:31 PM
All Characters, real or fictitious,
Should eat food that's very nutritious,
Your protagonist

CDSinex
06-06-2010, 01:49 AM
All Characters, real or fictitious,
Should eat food that's very nutritious,
Your protagonist,
just a mill for the grist,

Matera the Mad
06-06-2010, 06:43 AM
All Characters, real or fictitious,
Should eat food that's very nutritious.
Your protagonist,
just a mill for the grist,
Should be seasoned well and readelicious.

Now when writers eat garbage and pizza

RevisionIsTheKey
06-06-2010, 08:54 AM
Now when writers eat garbage and pizza
It confuses the Starbucks barista

flyingtart
06-06-2010, 12:14 PM
Now when writers eat garbage and pizza
It confuses the Starbucks barista
And sticks in the throat

The Tin Dog
06-06-2010, 05:41 PM
Now when writers eat garbage and pizza
It confuses the Starbucks barista
And sticks in the throat
Like an undercooked goat

RevisionIsTheKey
06-06-2010, 09:08 PM
Now when writers eat garbage and pizza
It confuses the Starbucks barista
And sticks in the throat
Like an undercooked goat
Then baby, it's hasta la vista.

Rhett Butler did not give a damn

donroc
06-06-2010, 09:40 PM
Rhett Butler did not give a damn
When Scarlett begged, Please don't scram."

flyingtart
06-06-2010, 10:32 PM
Rhett Butler did not give a damn
When Scarlett begged, "Please don't scram."
He stood at the door

donroc
06-06-2010, 10:35 PM
Rhett Butler did not give a damn
When Scarlett begged, "Please don't scram."
He stood at the door
With a mien of ignore

CDSinex
06-06-2010, 10:39 PM
Rhett Butler did not give a damn
When Scarlett begged, "Please don't scram."
He stood at the door
With a mien of ignore
And quoted from, Green Eggs and Ham.


I saw a strange thing at the fair.

Nymtoc
06-06-2010, 11:21 PM
I saw a strange thing at the fair.
The prize pig had lavender hair.

Melisande
06-07-2010, 02:35 AM
I saw a strange thing at the fair.
The prize pig had lavender hair.
and a giant belly to boot

Pthom
06-07-2010, 04:06 AM
I saw a strange thing at the fair.
The prize pig had lavender hair.
A great belly to boot . . . . . . . . . .adjusted for meter
And man, could he toot!

Paul
06-07-2010, 04:50 AM
I saw a strange thing at the fair.
The prize pig had lavender hair.
A great belly to boot
And man, could he toot!
The fair goers could only but stare (not great I know)


I loves me eggs and bacon

archerjoe
06-07-2010, 05:20 AM
I loves me eggs and bacon
Or what my roommate is makin'

Matera the Mad
06-07-2010, 07:10 AM
I loves me eggs and bacon
Or what my roommate is makin'
In fact, I love food

CDSinex
06-07-2010, 07:53 AM
I loves me eggs and bacon
Or what my roommate is makin'
In fact, I love food,
and don't want to seem rude

RevisionIsTheKey
06-07-2010, 09:41 AM
I loves me eggs and bacon
Or what my roommate is makin'
In fact, I love food,
and don't want to seem rude
If you think I will share, you're mistaken.

Young Paul liked to talk like a pirate

Sir_Nigel
06-07-2010, 01:01 PM
Young Paul liked to talk like a pirate
Yes his ‘Aaaaarghs’ gave us plenty to smile at

flyingtart
06-07-2010, 02:22 PM
Young Paul liked to talk like a pirate
Yes his ‘Aaaaarghs’ gave us plenty to smile at
And his carved wooden leg

Sir_Nigel
06-07-2010, 03:59 PM
Young Paul liked to talk like a pirate
Yes his ‘Aaaaarghs’ gave us plenty to smile at
And his carved wooden leg
(with the face of queequeg)

Nymtoc
06-07-2010, 06:12 PM
Young Paul liked to talk like a pirate
Yes his ‘Aaaaarghs’ gave us plenty to smile at
And his carved wooden leg
(with the face of queequeg)
Was the thing that we laughed a long while at.

Miss Murgatroyd worked as a nanny

The Tin Dog
06-07-2010, 06:32 PM
Miss Murgatroyd worked as a nanny
With some children called Albert and Danny

archerjoe
06-07-2010, 06:55 PM
Miss Murgatroyd worked as a nanny
With some children called Albert and Danny
They were quite horrid brats

Pthom
06-07-2010, 11:13 PM
Miss Murgatroyd worked as a nanny
With some children called Albert and Danny
They were quite horrid brats
And had faces like rats

CDSinex
06-08-2010, 02:37 AM
Miss Murgatroyd worked as a nanny
With some children called Albert and Danny
They were quite horrid brats
And had faces like rats
And ears that were downright uncanny.


Two gentlemen drove up from Pomona.

Torin
06-08-2010, 03:15 AM
Two gentlemen drove up from Pomona.
They picked up a girl named Ramona

RevisionIsTheKey
06-08-2010, 07:50 AM
Two gentlemen drove up from Pomona.
They picked up a girl named Ramona
They offered her cash

flyingtart
06-08-2010, 09:36 AM
Two gentlemen drove up from Pomona.
They picked up a girl named Ramona
They offered her cash
To show them her stash

Sir_Nigel
06-08-2010, 11:39 AM
Two gentlemen drove up from Pomona.
They picked up a girl named Ramona
They offered her cash
To show them her stash
and afterwards promised to phone her


‘Oh woe!’ the old soothsayer cried

Nymtoc
06-08-2010, 03:11 PM
‘Oh woe!’ the old soothsayer cried
'Your foul fate cannot be denied!'

flyingtart
06-08-2010, 03:37 PM
‘Oh woe!’ the old soothsayer cried
'Your foul fate cannot be denied!
You must resist

Lavern08
06-08-2010, 10:40 PM
‘Oh woe!’ the old soothsayer cried
'Your foul fate cannot be denied!
You must resist
The urge to insist

flyingtart
06-08-2010, 10:51 PM
Oh woe!’ the old soothsayer cried
'Your foul fate cannot be denied!
You must resist
The urge to insist
You told only truth when you lied!"


McTaggart was known in Kentucky

Lavern08
06-08-2010, 10:57 PM
McTaggart was known in Kentucky
As a simpleton who was quite lucky

donroc
06-08-2010, 11:51 PM
McTaggart was known in Kentucky
As a simpleton who was quite lucky
He won Power Ball

Pthom
06-09-2010, 02:20 AM
McTaggart was known in Kentucky
As a simpleton who was quite lucky
He won Power Ball
But oh ho! That's not all!

Paul
06-09-2010, 03:13 AM
McTaggart was known in Kentucky
As a simpleton who was quite lucky
He won Power Ball
But oh ho! That's not all!
He left with a young fellow called 'ducky'.


Young Tommy cried out "what is love'?

Nymtoc
06-09-2010, 03:24 AM
Young Tommy cried out "what is love'?
Old Sam said, "a hand in a glove."

talkwrite
06-09-2010, 03:33 AM
Young Tommy cried out "what is love'?
Old Sam said, "a hand in a glove."
Or what makes you sigh

Torin
06-09-2010, 04:47 AM
Young Tommy cried out "what is love'?
Old Sam said, "a hand in a glove."
Or what makes you sigh
At the moon in the sky

RevisionIsTheKey
06-09-2010, 08:47 AM
Young Tommy cried out "what is love'?
Old Sam said, "a hand in a glove."
Or what makes you sigh
At the moon in the sky
And it helps if she looks like Deneuve.

Ann's diet is going quite poorly

Sir_Nigel
06-09-2010, 11:33 AM
Ann's diet is going quite poorly
She’s still twice the size of Fat Julie

flyingtart
06-09-2010, 02:02 PM
Ann's diet is going quite poorly
She’s still twice the size of Fat Julie
Her cholesterol count

Nymtoc
06-09-2010, 02:14 PM
Ann's diet is going quite poorly
She’s still twice the size of Fat Julie
Her cholesterol count
Continues to mount

Paul
06-09-2010, 03:43 PM
Ann's diet is going quite poorly
She’s still twice the size of Fat Julie
Her cholesterol count
Continues to mount
Which has left her feeling quite surly


'Beauty is skin deep', she stated quite tartly

flyingtart
06-09-2010, 05:41 PM
(edited)

'Beauty is skin deep', she said tartly
Then dabbed on her foundation smartly

Lavern08
06-09-2010, 08:00 PM
'Beauty is skin deep', she said tartly
Then dabbed on her foundation smartly
I've lost my mascara

RevisionIsTheKey
06-10-2010, 02:49 AM
'Beauty is skin deep', she said tartly
Then dabbed on her foundation smartly
I've lost my mascara
Without it I'm Berra

Pthom
06-10-2010, 04:16 AM
'Beauty's is skin deep', she said tartly
Then dabbed on her foundation smartly
I've lost my mascara
Without it I'm Berra
Not Yogi, just...naked...um...partly.


The obese op'ra Diva wore rings

Nymtoc
06-10-2010, 05:22 AM
The obese op'ra Diva wore rings
And ate pie as she stood in the wings

RevisionIsTheKey
06-10-2010, 08:36 AM
The obese op'ra Diva wore rings
And ate pie as she stood in the wings
It was peach à la mode

flyingtart
06-10-2010, 06:14 PM
The obese op'ra Diva wore rings
And ate pie as she stood in the wings
It was peach à la mode
When the baritone strode

Lavern08
06-10-2010, 08:07 PM
The obese op'ra Diva wore rings
And ate pie as she stood in the wings
It was peach à la mode
When the baritone strode
And remarked at how *peachy* she sings

I never thought I'd visit Disney

Paul
06-11-2010, 01:53 AM
I never thought I'd visit Disney
because Goofy took a whizz on me

StephanieFox
06-11-2010, 02:08 AM
I never thought I'd visit Disney
because Goofy took a whizz on me
It wasn't so bad,

Paul
06-11-2010, 02:48 AM
I never thought I'd visit Disney
because Goofy took a whizz on me
It wasn't so bad, (em, er, ok)
I fact I was glad (jus' goin with it...)

Pthom
06-11-2010, 04:05 AM
I never thought I'd visit Disney
because Goofy took a whizz on me
It wasn't so bad,
In fact I was glad
That he didn't do something more squishy.

The beans were served on paper plates.

RevisionIsTheKey
06-11-2010, 10:37 AM
The beans were served on paper plates.
To eat them guests sat on milk crates.

flyingtart
06-11-2010, 02:00 PM
The beans were served on paper plates.
To eat them guests sat on milk crates.
But the tight-fisted host

Sir_Nigel
06-11-2010, 04:55 PM
The beans were served on paper plates.
To eat them guests sat on milk crates.
But the tight-fisted host
was offering spit roast

slcboston
06-11-2010, 07:32 PM
The beans were served on paper plates.
To eat them guests sat on milk crates.
But the tight-fisted host
was offering spit roast
So they spared him the wrath of their hates


The clown with the bunch of balloons

StephanieFox
06-11-2010, 08:18 PM
The clown with the bunch of balloons
Met the psychic fair's reader of runes

flyingtart
06-11-2010, 10:28 PM
The clown with the bunch of balloons
Met the psychic fair's reader of runes
It was love at first glance

RevisionIsTheKey
06-11-2010, 10:43 PM
The clown with the bunch of balloons
Met the psychic fair's reader of runes
It was love at first glance
And they welcomed the chance

Pthom
06-11-2010, 11:44 PM
The clown with the bunch of balloons
Met the psychic fair's reader of runes
It was love at first glance
And they welcomed the chance
To make love in the sand of the dunes.

This substitute DJ is boring!

Paul
06-12-2010, 12:06 AM
This substitute Dj is boring
In fact I find myself snoring