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Lavern08
05-05-2010, 06:05 PM
Whilst walking he fell down a hole
He cried out, "I feel like a mole!
And what is that smell?
I'm sure you can tell
I missed when I aimed for the (toilet) bowl.

(Sorry for the potty humor)

The train I was on jumped the track

Autodidact
05-05-2010, 10:25 PM
The train I was on jumped the track.
I landed flat on my back

flyingtart
05-05-2010, 10:31 PM
The train I was on jumped the track.
I landed flat on my back
A log on the line

talkwrite
05-06-2010, 12:42 AM
The train I was on jumped the track.
I landed flat on my back
A log on the line
Didn't move in time

Nymtoc
05-06-2010, 01:36 AM
The train I was on jumped the track.
I landed flat on my back
A log on the line
Didn't move in time
Here I lie. I'm a mess. Clickety-clack.

Young Timmy is growing a beard

Paul
05-06-2010, 03:43 AM
Young Timmy is growing a beard
(Though in troth, he is slightly afeard)

archerjoe
05-06-2010, 04:22 AM
Young Timmy is growing a beard
(Though in troth, he is slightly afeard
It's not ZZ Top

CatSlave
05-06-2010, 04:58 AM
Young Timmy is growing a beard
(Though in troth, he is slightly afeard
It's not ZZ Top
More like strings from a mop

archerjoe
05-06-2010, 05:22 AM
Young Timmy is growing a beard
(Though in troth, he is slightly afeard
It's not ZZ Top
More like strings from a mop
When he shaved it, his girlfriend cheered

Don't get too close to a gator

Sir_Nigel
05-06-2010, 11:19 AM
Don't get too close to a gator
Or moon at a gay Spanish waiter

flyingtart
05-06-2010, 01:37 PM
Don't get too close to a gator
Or moon at a gay Spanish waiter
For you may find

Matera the Mad
05-06-2010, 03:23 PM
Don't get too close to a gator
Or moon at a gay Spanish waiter
For you may find
That your behind

flyingtart
05-06-2010, 03:35 PM
Don't get too close to a gator
Or moon at a gay Spanish waiter
For you may find
That your behind
Ends up on a China-bound freighter


When Doris was learning karate

Matera the Mad
05-06-2010, 03:55 PM
When Doris was learning karate
She took too many trips to the potty

Nymtoc
05-06-2010, 06:11 PM
When Doris was learning karate
She took too many trips to the potty
And that explains why

Lavern08
05-06-2010, 08:25 PM
When Doris was learning karate
She took too many trips to the potty
And that explains why
When her feet start to fly

archerjoe
05-06-2010, 08:43 PM
When Doris was learning karate
She took too many trips to the potty
And that explains why
When her feet start to fly
Her progress has been rather spotty

Her poor sparring partner is Clyde

Nymtoc
05-06-2010, 08:52 PM
Her poor sparring partner is Clyde
Who's usually hopelessly fried

Autodidact
05-06-2010, 08:52 PM
Her poor sparring partner is Clyde
Who's usually hopelessly fried.
It does not help matters

CatSlave
05-06-2010, 09:49 PM
Her poor sparring partner is Clyde
Who's usually hopelessly fried.
It does not help matters
He mumbles and natters

flyingtart
05-06-2010, 09:58 PM
Her poor sparring partner is Clyde
Who's usually hopelessly fried.
It does not help matters
He mumbles and natters
About the positions he's tried.


A burly pole dancer called Clare

CatSlave
05-06-2010, 10:08 PM
A burly pole dancer called Clare
Had bulges and muscles to spare

Pthom
05-06-2010, 10:31 PM
A burly pole dancer called Clare
Had bulges and muscles to spare
But her coif it was sad

Paul
05-06-2010, 10:35 PM
A burly pole dancer called Clare
Had bulges and muscles to spare
But her coif it was sad
Which made her quite mad

Nymtoc
05-06-2010, 10:39 PM
A burly pole dancer called Clare
Had bulges and muscles to spare
But her coif it was sad
Which made her quite mad,
And that's why she tore out her hair.

The kids always teased little Billy

writeronfire
05-06-2010, 10:41 PM
A burly pole dancer called Clare
Had bulges and muscles to spare
But her coif it was sad
Which made her quite mad
It looked bad even when she was bare.


I wish I could buy some new boots

Paul
05-06-2010, 11:20 PM
I wish I could buy some new boots
Though some say they don't give two hoots
(sorry, Nymtoc, leather boots win every time)

Autodidact
05-06-2010, 11:33 PM
I wish I could buy some new boots
Though some say they don't give two hoots
for cowboy apparel

archerjoe
05-06-2010, 11:58 PM
I wish I could buy some new boots
Though some say they don't give two hoots
for cowboy apparel,
Passé as Will Ferrell,

flyingtart
05-07-2010, 12:04 AM
I wish I could buy some new boots
Though some say they don't give two hoots
for cowboy apparel,
Passé as Will Ferrell,
But it will impress my girl, Toots.


In the days before internet sites

Matera the Mad
05-07-2010, 06:04 AM
In the days before internet sites
There were parties and balls and wild rites

CDSinex
05-07-2010, 08:05 AM
In the days before internet sites
There parties and balls and wild rites
But it came crashing down.

Matera the Mad
05-07-2010, 08:21 AM
In the days before internet sites
There were parties and balls and wild rites
But it came crashing down
When they burned the whole town

Pthom
05-07-2010, 09:45 AM
In the days before internet sites
There were parties and balls and wild rites
But it came crashing down
When they burned the whole town
Up by dropping lit candles from kites.

Sylvester, the registrar's kid

flyingtart
05-07-2010, 01:10 PM
Sylvester, the registrar's kid
On Ebay was anxious to bid

Lavern08
05-07-2010, 06:36 PM
Sylvester, the registrar's kid
On Ebay was anxious to bid
He wanted that costume

writeronfire
05-07-2010, 11:25 PM
Sylvester, the registrar's kid
On Ebay was anxious to bid
He wanted that costume
with big purpley plumes

Paul
05-08-2010, 01:28 AM
Sylvester, the registrar's kid
On Ebay was anxious to bid
He wanted that costume
to look well on the rostrum

flyingtart
05-08-2010, 04:35 PM
Sylvester, the registrar's kid
On Ebay was anxious to bid
He wanted that costume
to look well on the rostrum
For he thought that's what everyone did


She twanged on a seven string harp

Nymtoc
05-08-2010, 04:40 PM
She twanged on a seven string harp
When her twangs were not flat, they were sharp

RevisionIsTheKey
05-08-2010, 08:28 PM
She twanged on a seven string harp
When her twangs were not flat, they were sharp
If by chance strings got twisted

Pthom
05-08-2010, 09:40 PM
She twanged on a seven string harp
When her twangs were not flat, they were sharp
If by chance strings got twisted
Her songs went unlisted

CDSinex
05-08-2010, 09:47 PM
She twanged on a seven string harp
When her twangs were not flat, they were sharp
If by chance strings got twisted
Her songs went unlisted
So she covered the damn thing with a tarp!

This morning I awoke in a haze.

flyingtart
05-08-2010, 10:08 PM
This morning I awoke in a haze
That's been filling my bedroom for days

RevisionIsTheKey
05-09-2010, 12:41 AM
This morning I awoke in a haze
That's been filling my bedroom for days
I hope it's not toxic

Nymtoc
05-09-2010, 12:53 AM
This morning I awoke in a haze
That's been filling my bedroom for days
I hope it's not toxic
It smells kind of schlocksic

oneblindmouse
05-09-2010, 01:34 AM
This morning I awoke in a haze
That's been filling my bedroom for days
I hope it's not toxic
It smells kind of schlocksic
I'm lost and my eyes are all glazed

I'm usually quick on the ball

Matera the Mad
05-09-2010, 03:48 AM
I'm usually quick on the ball
And when I get up I don't fall

oneblindmouse
05-09-2010, 11:14 AM
I'm usually quick on the ball
And when I get up I don't fall
But when I'm well lit

flyingtart
05-09-2010, 12:14 PM
I'm usually quick on the ball
And when I get up I don't fall
But when I'm well lit
You might notice a bit

Nymtoc
05-09-2010, 05:02 PM
I'm usually quick on the ball
And when I get up I don't fall
But when I'm well lit
You might notice a bit
I don't know what I"m doing at all.

When Millie decided to marry

Woof
05-09-2010, 11:13 PM
When Millie decided to marry
She slipped the noose on Larry

Nymtoc
05-09-2010, 11:21 PM
When Millie decided to marry
She slipped the noose on Larry
But he didn't know

RevisionIsTheKey
05-10-2010, 01:06 AM
When Millie decided to marry
She slipped the noose on Larry
But he didn't know
She'd already had Moe

Lavern08
05-10-2010, 01:32 AM
When Millie decided to marry
She slipped the noose on Larry
But he didn't know
She'd already had Moe
And Ted, and Joe and Barry

While walking my dog in the park

Pthom
05-10-2010, 01:58 AM
While walking my dog in the park
I take some chalk so I can mark

CDSinex
05-10-2010, 02:12 AM
While walking my dog in the park
I take some chalk so I can mark
The places he shat.

RevisionIsTheKey
05-10-2010, 03:17 AM
While walking my dog in the park
I take some chalk so I can mark
The places he shat.
The places I spat

CatSlave
05-10-2010, 05:28 AM
While walking my dog in the park
I take some chalk so I can mark
The places he shat.
The places I spat
The times I allowed him to bark.

My dog loves to torment the cats

RevisionIsTheKey
05-10-2010, 05:36 AM
My dog loves to torment the cats
Who in turn like to torment the rats

CatSlave
05-10-2010, 07:42 AM
My dog loves to torment the cats
Who in turn like to torment the rats
The rats scare the birds

RevisionIsTheKey
05-10-2010, 07:51 AM
My dog loves to torment the cats
Who in turn like to torment the rats
The rats scare the birds
Who drop little turds

Preacher'sWife
05-10-2010, 08:02 AM
My dog loves to torment the cats
Who in turn like to torment the rats
The rats scare the birds
Who drop little turds
Which promptly get munched on by gnats.

My dog ate my pet parakeet.

Albedo of Zero
05-10-2010, 08:20 AM
My dog ate my pet parakeet.
But I can't say I miss its "tweet tweet"

Matera the Mad
05-10-2010, 09:28 AM
My dog ate my pet parakeet.
But I can't say I miss its "tweet tweet"
That bird never shut up

CatSlave
05-10-2010, 12:10 PM
My dog ate my pet parakeet.
But I can't say I miss its "tweet tweet"
That bird never shut up
Even at his seed cup

flyingtart
05-10-2010, 12:41 PM
My dog ate my pet parakeet.
But I can't say I miss its "tweet tweet"
That bird never shut up
Even at his seed cup
And it swore like an Aussie on heat!


While out picking posies one day

Pthom
05-10-2010, 01:31 PM
While out picking posies one day
Not nosies, it's posies, I say!

Matera the Mad
05-10-2010, 05:39 PM
While out picking posies one day
Not nosies, it's posies, I say!
When up sprang a bee

Pthom
05-10-2010, 08:46 PM
While out picking posies one day
Not nosies, it's posies, I say!
When up sprang a bee
Yes, a bee, not a flea

Nymtoc
05-10-2010, 09:07 PM
While out picking posies one day
Not nosies, it's posies, I say!
When up sprang a bee
Yes, a bee, not a flea
So I fled in complete disarray.

My dog seems to think he's a cat

Autodidact
05-10-2010, 09:11 PM
My dog seems to think he's a cat,
while my ferret's disguised as a bat

flyingtart
05-10-2010, 10:26 PM
My dog seems to think he's a cat,
while my ferret's disguised as a bat
At feeding time

Autodidact
05-11-2010, 01:45 AM
My dog seems to think he's a cat,
while my ferret's disguised as a bat.
Around* feeding time,
confusion's sublime


*corrected for meter

CatSlave
05-11-2010, 02:23 AM
My dog seems to think he's a cat,
while my ferret's disguised as a bat.
Around* feeding time,
confusion's sublime
Who eats what, and how much, and all that.


I feel like I'm fat as a toad

RevisionIsTheKey
05-11-2010, 07:17 AM
I feel like I'm fat as a toad
I'm sick with a code in my node

Matera the Mad
05-11-2010, 08:08 AM
I feel like I'm fat as a toad
I'm sick with a code in my node
It couldn't be worse

Is this a curse? I get the third line every tine! ROFL

Nymtoc
05-11-2010, 08:41 AM
I feel like I'm fat as a toad
I'm sick with a code in my node
It couldn't be worse
It's worse than my verse

RevisionIsTheKey
05-11-2010, 11:27 AM
I feel like I'm fat as a toad
I'm sick with a code in my node
It couldn't be worse
It's worse than my verse
I'm PO'ed that my ode load has slowed.

The plot of that book is quite boring

CDSinex
05-11-2010, 12:53 PM
The plot of that book is quite boring
Said my agent as he woke up from snoring.

Leellana
05-11-2010, 03:04 PM
The plot of that book is quite boring
Said my agent as he woke up from snoring.
This piece is so bad

archerjoe
05-11-2010, 03:53 PM
The plot of that book is quite boring
Said my agent as he woke up from snoring.
This piece is so bad
Please toss your note pad

flyingtart
05-11-2010, 04:07 PM
The plot of that book is quite boring
Said my agent as he woke up from snoring.
This piece is so bad
Please toss your note pad
And give me a story that's soaring!


My publisher went to the wall

Lavern08
05-11-2010, 10:13 PM
My publisher went to the wall
Where he sat til he had a great fall

CDSinex
05-11-2010, 10:57 PM
My publisher went to the wall
Where he sat 'til he had a great fall
But Stephen King's horses

RevisionIsTheKey
05-11-2010, 11:41 PM
My publisher went to the wall
Where he sat 'til he had a great fall
But Stephen King's horses
And men, say my sources

flyingtart
05-11-2010, 11:49 PM
My publisher went to the wall
Where he sat 'til he had a great fall
But Stephen King's horses
And men, say my sources
Could not make him better at all.


In France it is common, I hear

CatSlave
05-12-2010, 12:02 AM
In France it is common, I hear
At Americans -mostly- to sneer

RevisionIsTheKey
05-12-2010, 12:22 AM
In France it is common, I hear
At Americans -mostly- to sneer
They think we lack culture

StephanieFox
05-12-2010, 04:06 AM
In France it is common, I hear
At Americans -mostly- to sneer
They think we lack culture,
Are French language mulchers

archerjoe
05-12-2010, 04:14 AM
In France it is common, I hear
At Americans -mostly- to sneer
They think we lack culture,
Are French language mulchers
And sip wine, not watered-down beer

But French cheese, now that's something great!

RevisionIsTheKey
05-12-2010, 04:26 AM
But French cheese, now that's something great!
Though some tends to ooze on the plate

CatSlave
05-12-2010, 05:41 AM
But French cheese, now that's something great!
Though some tends to ooze on the plate
With bread and some wine

CDSinex
05-12-2010, 06:06 AM
But French cheese, now that's something great!
Though some tends to ooze on the plate
With bread and some wine
It's truly divine

CatSlave
05-12-2010, 06:51 AM
But French cheese, now that's something great!
Though some tends to ooze on the plate
With bread and some wine
It's truly divine
A pleasure to share with your date.

Some foods seem so right for romance

Matera the Mad
05-12-2010, 09:08 AM
Some foods seem so right for romance
For the moment to grace and enhance

Sir_Nigel
05-12-2010, 11:53 AM
Some foods seem so right for romance
For the moment to grace and enhance
But slurp your spaghetti

flyingtart
05-12-2010, 01:19 PM
Some foods seem so right for romance
For the moment to grace and enhance
But slurp your spaghetti
And passion forgetti

Sir_Nigel
05-12-2010, 01:30 PM
Some foods seem so right for romance
For the moment to grace and enhance
But slurp your spaghetti
And passion forgetti
You won’t get in anyone’s pants.


A one legged lady named Anya

Nymtoc
05-12-2010, 02:01 PM
A one legged lady named Anya
Spent her days chowing down on lasagna

Lavern08
05-12-2010, 05:44 PM
A one legged lady named Anya
Spent her days chowing down on lasagna
She became roly-poly

Sir_Nigel
05-12-2010, 06:15 PM
A one legged lady named Anya
Spent her days chowing down on lasagna
She became roly-poly
and stomped pretty slowly

archerjoe
05-12-2010, 06:30 PM
A one legged lady named Anya
Spent her days chowing down on lasagna
She became roly-poly
and stomped pretty slowly
Annoying her twin sister, Tanya

Now Tanya was quite the odd duck

donroc
05-12-2010, 06:57 PM
Now Tanya was quite the odd duck
She followed Tom Sawyer and Huck

Autodidact
05-12-2010, 08:28 PM
Now Tanya was quite the odd duck
She followed Tom Sawyer and Huck
no Becky Thatcher

CatSlave
05-12-2010, 10:54 PM
Now Tanya was quite the odd duck
She followed Tom Sawyer and Huck
no Becky Thatcher
Or whitewash dispatcher

Pthom
05-13-2010, 01:24 AM
Now Tanya was quite the odd duck
She followed Tom Sawyer and Huck
no Becky Thatcher
Or whitewash dispatcher
No, Tanya just trusted in luck.

But one day, she walked across Elm.

Nymtoc
05-13-2010, 01:36 AM
But one day, she walked across Elm,
Nose high, like the Queen of the Realm

CatSlave
05-13-2010, 01:40 AM
But one day, she walked across Elm,
Nose high, like the Queen of the Realm
In the path of a truck

talkwrite
05-13-2010, 02:05 AM
But one day, she walked across Elm,
Nose high, like the Queen of the Realm
In the path of a truck
Her spike heel got stuck

Paul
05-13-2010, 03:01 AM
But one day, she walked across Elm,
Nose high, like the Queen of the Realm
In the path of a truck
Her spike heel got stuck
Now she rides with Death at the helm

The Duchess of York eats candy

RevisionIsTheKey
05-13-2010, 03:11 AM
The Duchess of York eats candy
She keeps the M & Ms handy

Paul
05-13-2010, 03:20 AM
The Duchess of York eats candy
She keeps the M & Ms handy
but sometimes at night

CDSinex
05-13-2010, 03:28 AM
The Duchess of York eats candy
She keeps the M & Ms handy
but sometimes at night
When she turns off her light.

Paul
05-13-2010, 03:33 AM
The Duchess of York eats candy
She keeps the M & Ms handy
but sometimes at night
When she turns off her light.
She prefers a big bite of prince Andy!

Ahh, that was good. (someone else can start a new one, i need a cigarette.)

CDSinex
05-13-2010, 03:36 AM
Ah, that was a good one, said Paul.

Paul
05-13-2010, 03:38 AM
Funnay

Nymtoc
05-13-2010, 03:48 AM
Ah, that was a good one, said Paul,
But some couldn't see that at all

CDSinex
05-13-2010, 04:15 AM
Huh?

Paul
05-13-2010, 04:16 AM
hmmm, maybe we'll start a new limerick?

CDSinex
05-13-2010, 04:48 AM
We'll start a new limerick, said Paul.

donroc
05-13-2010, 05:10 AM
We'll start a new limerick, said Paul.
About a lewd bishop from Gaul

RevisionIsTheKey
05-13-2010, 05:12 AM
We'll start a new limerick, said Paul.
About a lewd bishop from Gaul.
While I have a smoke

CDSinex
05-13-2010, 06:08 AM
We'll start a new limerick, said Paul.
About a lewd bishop from Gaul.
While I have a smoke
Would you like a toke?

RevisionIsTheKey
05-13-2010, 09:26 AM
We'll start a new limerick, said Paul.
About a lewd bishop from Gaul.
While I have a smoke
Would you like a toke?
No thanks, it's against protocol.

I think I will start a new rumor

Nymtoc
05-13-2010, 09:36 AM
I think I will start a new rumor
About an AW baby boomer

Sir_Nigel
05-13-2010, 11:57 AM
I think I will start a new rumor
About an AW baby boomer
A lady who swings

flyingtart
05-13-2010, 12:52 PM
I think I will start a new rumor
About an AW baby boomer
A lady who swings
And wears diamond rings

Nymtoc
05-13-2010, 04:44 PM
I think I will start a new rumor
About an AW baby boomer
A lady who swings
And wears diamond rings
And has a bizarre sense of humor.

Last night, while asleep in my bed,

Lavern08
05-13-2010, 06:43 PM
Last night, while asleep in my bed,
My mind became filled with much dread

flyingtart
05-13-2010, 07:11 PM
Last night, while asleep in my bed,
My mind became filled with much dread
I heard the flurry

RevisionIsTheKey
05-13-2010, 11:53 PM
Last night, while asleep in my bed,
My mind became filled with much dread
I heard the flurry
Of bats in a hurry

archerjoe
05-14-2010, 03:54 AM
Last night, while asleep in my bed,
My mind became filled with much dread
I heard the flurry
Of bats in a hurry
And felt guano drop down on my head

I tripped on the dog as I ran

Paul
05-14-2010, 04:02 AM
I tripped on the dog as I ran
he yelped, then leaped on some man

CDSinex
05-14-2010, 09:05 AM
I tripped on the dog as I ran
he yelped, then leaped on some man
The man had a valise.

Matera the Mad
05-14-2010, 09:11 AM
I tripped on the dog as I ran
he yelped, then leaped on some man
The man had a valise
And he yelled, "Help! Police!"

flyingtart
05-14-2010, 12:11 PM
I tripped on the dog as I ran
he yelped, then leaped on some man
The man had a valise
And he yelled, "Help! Police!"
Who arrived in a bright orange van.


The Captain was quite clearly pissed

Sir_Nigel
05-14-2010, 12:30 PM
The Captain was quite clearly pissed
he aimed at the bosun but missed

Nymtoc
05-14-2010, 12:40 PM
The Captain was quite clearly pissed
he aimed at the bosun but missed
The mate came a-running

Sir_Nigel
05-14-2010, 04:54 PM
The Captain was quite clearly pissed
he aimed at the bosun but missed
The mate came a-running
in a ball gown most stunning

RevisionIsTheKey
05-14-2010, 06:46 PM
The Captain was quite clearly pissed
he aimed at the bosun but missed
The mate came a-running
in a ball gown most stunning
Now it's Sex on the Beach with a twist.

A lyric is stuck in my head

flyingtart
05-14-2010, 08:23 PM
A lyric is stuck in my head
As sung by a rocker named Jed

archerjoe
05-14-2010, 08:40 PM
A lyric is stuck in my head
As sung by a rocker named Jed
Unconventional rhymes

donroc
05-14-2010, 10:33 PM
A lyric is stuck in my head
As sung by a rocker named Jed
Unconventional rhymes
Matching dypthongs with thymes

Pthom
05-15-2010, 01:38 AM
A lyric is stuck in my head
As sung by a rocker named Jed
Unconventional rhymes
Matching dypthongs with thymes
Make me just want to go back to bed!

But what Jed like most are his cookies.

CDSinex
05-15-2010, 02:26 AM
But what Jed like most are his cookies.
And dates with that parody called Snooki

Matera the Mad
05-15-2010, 09:05 AM
But what Jed like most are his cookies.
And dates with that parody called Snooki
Combining the two

flyingtart
05-15-2010, 03:48 PM
But what Jed like most are his cookies.
And dates with that parody called Snooki
Combining the two
Gets him in a stew

Nymtoc
05-15-2010, 04:19 PM
But what Jed like most are his cookies.
And dates with that parody called Snooki
Combining the two
Gets him in a stew
With the boozers, the boobs and the bookies.

Which wine should I serve them with fish?

CDSinex
05-15-2010, 09:21 PM
Which wine should I serve them with fish?
Should I serve in a glass or a dish?

flyingtart
05-15-2010, 10:13 PM
Which wine should I serve them with fish?
Should I serve in a glass or a dish?
A chilled Chardonnay

CDSinex
05-15-2010, 10:59 PM
Which wine should I serve them with fish?
Should I serve in a glass or a dish?
A chilled Chardonnay
Can be served either way

RevisionIsTheKey
05-16-2010, 03:27 AM
Which wine should I serve them with fish?
Should I serve in a glass or a dish?
A chilled Chardonnay
Can be served either way
Or fill the bathtub if you wish.

Nine nattering nabobs named Ned

CDSinex
05-16-2010, 04:19 AM
Nine nattering nabobs named Ned
Got on the phone and called Fred.

Pthom
05-16-2010, 04:42 AM
Nine nattering nabobs named Ned
Got on the phone and called Fred.
But their numbers got crossed

archerjoe
05-16-2010, 05:42 AM
Nine nattering nabobs named Ned
Got on the phone and called Fred.
But their numbers got crossed
Maybe 'cause they were sauced

CDSinex
05-16-2010, 07:20 AM
Nine nattering nabobs named Ned
Got on the phone and called Fred.
But their numbers got crossed
Maybe 'cause they were sauced
Then they all paired off and soon wed.

On a picnic down by the river.

Matera the Mad
05-16-2010, 09:53 AM
On a picnic down by the river
The basket was filled with chopped liver

RevisionIsTheKey
05-16-2010, 09:57 AM
On a picnic down by the river
The basket was filled with chopped liver
It attracted wild cats

Matera the Mad
05-16-2010, 10:00 AM
On a picnic down by the river
The basket was filled with chopped liver
It attracted wild cats
And ants big as rats

flyingtart
05-16-2010, 12:09 PM
On a picnic down by the river
The basket was filled with chopped liver
It attracted wild cats
And ants big as rats
Which made us all shiver and quiver


This poem's a tribute to Hunt

CDSinex
05-16-2010, 12:23 PM
This poem's a tribute to Hunt
Who never did learn to punt.

Paul
05-16-2010, 06:19 PM
This poem's a tribute to Hunt
Who never did learn to punt.
Try as he might

Paul
05-16-2010, 06:20 PM
The Captain was quite clearly pissed
he aimed at the bosun but missed
The mate came a-running
in a ball gown most stunning
Now it's Sex on the Beach with a twist.



Some great limericks lately, the one above especially.

and this
But what Jed like most are his cookies.
And dates with that parody called Snooki
Combining the two
Gets him in a stew
With the boozers, the boobs and the bookies.

archerjoe
05-16-2010, 06:50 PM
This poem's a tribute to Hunt
Who never did learn to punt.
Try as he might
He never could quite (...)

flyingtart
05-16-2010, 06:57 PM
This poem's a tribute to Hunt
Who never did learn to punt.
Try as he might
He never could quite
Figure out what's the back, what's the front


When Sally rode out on her mare

RevisionIsTheKey
05-16-2010, 08:10 PM
When Sally rode out on her mare
An androgynous equine named Pierre

CDSinex
05-16-2010, 10:13 PM
When Sally rode out on her mare
An androgynous equine named Pierre
Pierre had two humps

Paul
05-17-2010, 03:02 AM
When Sally rode out on her mare
An androgynous equine named Pierre
Pierre had two humps,
a pair of dazzling pumps

flyingtart
05-17-2010, 12:32 PM
(edited to fit)
When Sally rode out on her mare
An androgynous equine named Pierre
Pierre had two humps,
some dazzling pumps
Which he casually tossed in the air


This poetry lark is a hoot

Sir_Nigel
05-17-2010, 12:57 PM
This poetry lark is a hoot
Much simpler than playing the flute

CatSlave
05-17-2010, 02:29 PM
This poetry lark is a hoot
Much simpler than playing the flute
A pun can be fun

flyingtart
05-17-2010, 07:56 PM
This poetry lark is a hoot
Much simpler than playing the flute
A pun can be fun
Cos it rhymes with a gun

CDSinex
05-17-2010, 08:14 PM
This poetry lark is a hoot
Much simpler than playing the flute
A pun can be fun
Cos it rhymes with a gun
And well suits the less than astute


While carefully couching his words.

archerjoe
05-17-2010, 08:35 PM
While carefully couching his words.
Roberto taught dating to nerds

RevisionIsTheKey
05-17-2010, 10:28 PM
While carefully couching his words.
Roberto taught dating to nerds
He taught pick-up lines

donroc
05-17-2010, 11:14 PM
While carefully couching his words.
Roberto taught dating to nerds
He taught pick-up lines
And selecting fine wines

CatSlave
05-18-2010, 01:51 AM
While carefully couching his words.
Roberto taught dating to nerds
He taught pick-up lines
And selecting fine wines
He said being uptight's for the birds.

The last time I went on a date

Paul
05-18-2010, 01:53 AM
The last time I went on a date
I had to bring along my mate

Matera the Mad
05-18-2010, 07:55 AM
The last time I went on a date
I had to bring along my mate
She brought her best friend

Sir_Nigel
05-18-2010, 11:47 AM
The last time I went on a date
I had to bring along my mate
She brought her best friend
with a huge rear end !

flyingtart
05-18-2010, 12:49 PM
The last time I went on a date
I had to bring along my mate
She brought her best friend
with a huge rear end !
I can't think of a nastier fate.


The nurse prepped a needle and said

Sir_Nigel
05-18-2010, 01:27 PM
The nurse prepped a needle and said
‘That last fella ended up dead’

Nymtoc
05-18-2010, 01:52 PM
The nurse prepped a needle and said
‘That last fella ended up dead
But there's a chance, Ducky,

flyingtart
05-18-2010, 03:25 PM
The nurse prepped a needle and said
‘That last fella ended up dead
But there's a chance, Ducky,
You're going to get lucky

archerjoe
05-18-2010, 03:49 PM
The nurse prepped a needle and said
‘That last fella ended up dead
But there's a chance, Ducky,
You're going to get lucky
'Cause I'm quite the tigress in bed

Old George felt a breeze through his gown

Sir_Nigel
05-18-2010, 04:13 PM
Old George felt a breeze through his gown
as he strolled through the centre of town

Paul
05-18-2010, 05:19 PM
Old George felt a breeze through his gown
as he strolled through the centre of town
he smiled at the flutter

flyingtart
05-18-2010, 05:33 PM
Old George felt a breeze through his gown
as he strolled through the centre of town
he smiled at the flutter
Then was heard to utter

dochas
05-18-2010, 06:13 PM
Old George felt a breeze through his gown
as he strolled through the centre of town
he smiled at the flutter
Then was heard to utter
I do hope you all like my crown


When tuning his piano grand

donroc
05-18-2010, 07:08 PM
When tuning his piano grand
F. Chopin complained to George Sand

Autodidact
05-18-2010, 07:46 PM
When tuning his piano grand
F. Chopin complained to George Sand,
"My knickers are twisted

CDSinex
05-18-2010, 08:14 PM
When tuning his piano grand
F. Chopin complained to George Sand,
"My knickers are twisted
Ana my songs are unLiszted

donroc
05-18-2010, 08:21 PM
When tuning his piano grand
F. Chopin complained to George Sand,
"My knickers are twisted
Ana my songs are unLiszted
Why, I cannot understand.

Segovia strummed his guitar

CDSinex
05-18-2010, 08:25 PM
Segovia strummed his guitar
For loose change each night in a bar.

flyingtart
05-18-2010, 08:32 PM
Segovia strummed his guitar
For loose change each night in a bar.
The songs from the shows

dochas
05-18-2010, 09:14 PM
Segovia strummed his guitar
For loose change each night in a bar.
The songs from the shows
Will curl all your toes

Nymtoc
05-19-2010, 12:27 AM
Segovia strummed his guitar
For loose change each night in a bar.
The songs from the shows
Will curl all your toes
And their sparkle will light your cigar.

When Isaac Stern picked up his fiddle

RevisionIsTheKey
05-19-2010, 01:29 AM
When Isaac Stern picked up his fiddle
Strange but true, it made his dog piddle

archerjoe
05-19-2010, 04:24 AM
When Isaac Stern picked up his fiddle
Strange but true, it made his dog piddle
The effect on the floor

Matera the Mad
05-19-2010, 07:21 AM
When Isaac Stern picked up his fiddle
Strange but true, it made his dog piddle
The effect on the floor
His mate did deplore

RevisionIsTheKey
05-19-2010, 08:54 AM
When Isaac Stern picked up his fiddle
Strange but true, it made his dog piddle
The effect on the floor
His mate did deplore
Where it goes from here is a riddle.

I've created the perfect villain

Sir_Nigel
05-19-2010, 11:28 AM
I've created the perfect villain
Except that he sounds like Bob Dylan

flyingtart
05-19-2010, 12:26 PM
I've created the perfect villain
Except that he sounds like Bob Dylan
And with is guitar

Sir_Nigel
05-19-2010, 12:36 PM
I've created the perfect villain
Except that he sounds like Bob Dylan
And with ‘is guitar
He cries “Mwa hahahaaa”

Nymtoc
05-19-2010, 12:52 PM
I've created the perfect villain
Except that he sounds like Bob Dylan
And with ‘is guitar
He cries “Mwa hahahaaa”
And looks just like Harold Macmillan.

The fact is, I need a vacation

donroc
05-19-2010, 04:02 PM
The fact is, I need a vacation
From work I have dibilitation

flyingtart
05-19-2010, 04:23 PM
The fact is, I need a vacation
From work I have dibilitation
A week in the sun

archerjoe
05-19-2010, 04:29 PM
The fact is, I need a vacation
From work I have dibilitation
A week in the sun
Some rest and some fun

CatSlave
05-19-2010, 04:30 PM
The fact is, I need a vacation
From work I have debilitation
A week in the sun
Some flirting and fun

Sir_Nigel
05-19-2010, 05:27 PM
The fact is, I need a vacation
From work I have debilitation
A week in the sun
Some flirting and fun
But I can’t. I have bad constipation.



The lady was quite unaware

dochas
05-19-2010, 06:02 PM
The lady was quite unaware
That around her the men all did stare

CDSinex
05-19-2010, 07:28 PM
The lady was quite unaware
That around her the men all did stare
She was missing three buttons

Pthom
05-19-2010, 11:18 PM
The lady was quite unaware
That around her the men all did stare
She was missing three buttons
That covered her butt, once

Paul
05-19-2010, 11:35 PM
The lady was quite unaware
That around her the men all did stare
She was missing three buttons
That covered her butt, once
But everything else was quite bare


The headmistress was really quite loquacious

RevisionIsTheKey
05-20-2010, 02:54 AM
The headmistress was really quite loquacious
And her small talk was often salacious

Paul
05-20-2010, 02:58 AM
The headmistress was really quite loquacious
And her small talk was often salacious
her students were quite attentive

Sir_Nigel
05-20-2010, 12:40 PM
The headmistress was really quite loquacious
And her small talk was often salacious
her students were quite attentive
To her room they were sent if

Paul
05-20-2010, 11:43 PM
The headmistress was really quite loquacious
And her small talk was often salacious
her students were quite attentive
To her room they were sent if
the desire in their eyes was contagious


My teacher called to say she was pregnant

RevisionIsTheKey
05-21-2010, 12:41 AM
My teacher called to say she was pregnant
Which caused me to choke on my breath mint

flyingtart
05-21-2010, 01:48 AM
My teacher called to say she was pregnant
Which caused me to choke on my breath mint
The cause of my shock

Paul
05-21-2010, 01:52 AM
My teacher called to say she was pregnant
Which caused me to choke on my breath mint
The cause of my shock (hmmm,what rhymes with shock and is related to pregnancy...)
Was that her chastity lock (phew)

RevisionIsTheKey
05-21-2010, 02:10 AM
My teacher called to say she was pregnant
Which caused me to choke on my breath mint
The cause of my shock (hmmm,what rhymes with shock and is related to pregnancy...)
Was that her chastity lock (phew)
Had not been a sufficient deterrent.

(BTW, the Rev apologizes for insinuating Paul has bad breath - line 2)

Now his teacher is asking for money

Paul
05-21-2010, 02:14 AM
Now his teacher is asking for money
but what's really quite funny



Rev - I didn't notice - til now.

RevisionIsTheKey
05-21-2010, 02:18 AM
Rev - I didn't notice - til now.

Well, the rest of us have noticed. I'm just sayin'.

Paul
05-21-2010, 02:38 AM
;)

RevisionIsTheKey
05-21-2010, 06:20 AM
Now his teacher is asking for money
but what's really quite funny
The guy is flat broke

CDSinex
05-21-2010, 06:32 AM
Now his teacher is asking for money
but what's really quite funny
The guy is flat broke
Which he thought was a joke

Matera the Mad
05-21-2010, 06:54 AM
Now his teacher is asking for money
but what's really quite funny
The guy is flat broke
Which he thought was a joke
Until his girlfriend said "'Bye, Honey."

A wise man once gave this advice:

Preacher'sWife
05-21-2010, 06:59 AM
A wise man once gave this advice:
Before the "I do", please think twice

CDSinex
05-21-2010, 08:02 AM
A wise man once gave this advice:
Before the "I do", please think twice
What's oft done in haste

Nymtoc
05-21-2010, 08:51 AM
A wise man once gave this advice:
Before the "I do", please think twice
What's oft done in haste
May be in poor taste

CatSlave
05-21-2010, 10:53 AM
A wise man once gave this advice:
Before the "I do", please think twice
What's oft done in haste
May be in poor taste
And often more naughty than nice.

Sometimes my aunt likes a wee nip

Sir_Nigel
05-21-2010, 11:28 AM
Sometimes my aunt likes a wee nip
(Though it’s more of a glug than a sip)

flyingtart
05-21-2010, 12:49 PM
Sometimes my aunt likes a wee nip
(Though it’s more of a glug than a sip)
Her bags always clink

Sir_Nigel
05-21-2010, 01:01 PM
Sometimes my aunt likes a wee nip
(Though it’s more of a glug than a sip)
Her bags always clink
clink a-plinky plonk plink

Nymtoc
05-21-2010, 04:33 PM
Sometimes my aunt likes a wee nip
(Though it’s more of a glug than a sip)
Her bags always clink
clink a-plinky plonk plink,
and half the time she starts to strip.

I dreamed of a blue kangaroo

Matera the Mad
05-21-2010, 04:48 PM
I dreamed of a blue kangaroo
It was in my house, not a zoo

archerjoe
05-21-2010, 04:52 PM
I dreamed of a blue kangaroo
It was in my house, not a zoo
Its brother was red

Nymtoc
05-21-2010, 04:58 PM
I dreamed of a blue kangaroo
It was in my house, not a zoo
Its brother was red
And both were named Fred

Sir_Nigel
05-21-2010, 05:04 PM
I dreamed of a blue kangaroo
It was in my house, not a zoo
Its brother was red
And both were named Fred
I gotta stop sniffing that glue



Here’s Zeke and his slow cousin Jed

archerjoe
05-21-2010, 05:12 PM
Here’s Zeke and his slow cousin Jed
Neither one's quite right in the head

flyingtart
05-21-2010, 09:09 PM
Here’s Zeke and his slow cousin Jed
Neither one's quite right in the head
They once raced a calf

Lavern08
05-21-2010, 09:57 PM
Here’s Zeke and his slow cousin Jed
Neither one's quite right in the head
They once raced a calf
Then they cut it in half

archerjoe
05-21-2010, 10:15 PM
Here’s Zeke and his slow cousin Jed
Neither one's quite right in the head
They once raced a calf
Then they cut it in half
And now they have two to be fed

Moonshine really got ol' Jed going

donroc
05-21-2010, 10:17 PM
Moonshine really got ol' Jed going
He thought he could fly like a Boeing

flyingtart
05-21-2010, 10:41 PM
Moonshine really got ol' Jed going
He thought he could fly like a Boeing
He jumped from the roof

CDSinex
05-21-2010, 11:02 PM
Moonshine really got ol' Jed going
He thought he could fly like a Boeing
He jumped from the roof
But he tripped like a goof

Nymtoc
05-22-2010, 12:23 AM
Moonshine really got ol' Jed going
He thought he could fly like a Boeing
He jumped from the roof
But he tripped like a goof
And went splat! Now he's taking up sewing.

When Jonny and Jenny first met

CatSlave
05-22-2010, 01:15 AM
When Jonny and Jenny first met
They considered each other a threat