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archerjoe
02-27-2010, 07:06 PM
Whatever became of the Fonz?
The sitcoms today bring me yawns

iLion
02-27-2010, 10:40 PM
Whatever became of the Fonz?
The sitcoms today bring me yawns
Its no laughing matter

flyingtart
02-27-2010, 10:43 PM
Whatever became of the Fonz?
The sitcoms today bring me yawns
Its no laughing matter
I hate their lame patter

Nymtoc
02-27-2010, 11:14 PM
Whatever became of the Fonz?
The sitcoms today bring me yawns
Its no laughing matter
I hate their lame patter
I hope their songs are like the swan's.

As Mary Lou got off the bus

Pthom
02-28-2010, 12:24 AM
As Mary Lou got off the bus
She nearly collided with Gus.

CatSlave
02-28-2010, 12:26 AM
As Mary Lou got off the bus
She nearly collided with Gus.
She smiled and he blushed

oneblindmouse
02-28-2010, 02:49 AM
As Mary Lou got off the bus
She nearly collided with Gus.
She smiled and he blushed
"Excuse me," she gushed

Nymtoc
02-28-2010, 03:23 AM
As Mary Lou got off the bus
She nearly collided with Gus.
She smiled and he blushed
"Excuse me," she gushed
But they'd "met cute," and that was a plus!

The bell rang at twenty past four

CatSlave
02-28-2010, 04:06 AM
The bell rang at twenty past four
And students all rushed to the door

Preacher'sWife
02-28-2010, 06:01 AM
The bell rang at twenty past four
And students all rushed to the door
Detention was through

brad_b
02-28-2010, 06:07 AM
The bell rang at twenty past four
And students all rushed to the door
Detention was through
I had paid my due

CatSlave
02-28-2010, 06:34 AM
The bell rang at twenty past four
And students all rushed to the door
Detention was through
I had paid my due
And swore not to cheat any more.

Old George had a craving for sweets

Nymtoc
02-28-2010, 06:47 AM
Old George had a craving for sweets
He ate nothing but high-sucrose treats

iLion
02-28-2010, 06:55 AM
Old George had a craving for sweets
He ate nothing but high-sucrose treats
His teeth were all rotten

CatSlave
02-28-2010, 06:56 AM
Old George had a craving for sweets
He ate nothing but high-sucrose treats
His belly swelled up

Meaney
02-28-2010, 07:16 AM
Old George had a craving for sweets
He ate nothing but high-sucrose treats
His teeth were all rotten
his diet forgotten

(Sorry, CatSlave; you were a minute too late!)

CatSlave
02-28-2010, 07:24 AM
Old George had a craving for sweets
He ate nothing but high-sucrose treats
His teeth were all rotten
His diet forgotten
So fat he could not see his feets. *grin*


So my limerick was a big cheat

Matera the Mad
02-28-2010, 09:28 AM
So my limerick was a big cheat
At least it had sufficient feet

CatSlave
02-28-2010, 10:22 AM
So my limerick was a big cheat
At least it had sufficient feet
I tried to rhyme right

flyingtart
02-28-2010, 02:39 PM
So my limerick was a big cheat
At least it had sufficient feet
I tried to rhyme right
And much to my delight

Meaney
02-28-2010, 03:24 PM
So my limerick was a big cheat
At least it had sufficient feet
I tried to rhyme right
And much to my delight
it spoke to the man in the street.

The zookeeper's name was Ol' Clem

Nymtoc
02-28-2010, 04:30 PM
The zookeeper's name was Ol' Clem
He loved apes and bonded with them

archerjoe
02-28-2010, 07:44 PM
The zookeeper's name was Ol' Clem
He loved apes and bonded with them
A ripe banana

CatSlave
03-01-2010, 12:16 AM
The zookeeper's name was Ol' Clem
He loved apes and bonded with them
A ripe banana
A coconut and a

Paul
03-01-2010, 03:40 AM
The zookeeper's name was Ol' Clem
He loved apes and bonded with them
A ripe banana
A coconut and a
Bandana, all tightly sewn into his hem


There was a young man from Kentucky
_______________

Pthom
03-01-2010, 03:51 AM
There was a young man from Kentucky
Who married a red head, so plucky.

Lavern08
03-01-2010, 04:01 AM
There was a young man from Kentucky
Who married a red head, so plucky.
She was also quite mean

CatSlave
03-01-2010, 04:05 AM
There was a young man from Kentucky
Who married a red head, so plucky.
She was also quite mean
A diva extreme

Nymtoc
03-01-2010, 04:28 AM
There was a young man from Kentucky
Who married a red head, so plucky.
She was also quite mean
A diva extreme
Who cooked meals that, frankly, were yucky.

Old Dan has an ox for a pet

CDSinex
03-01-2010, 04:49 AM
Old Dan has an ox for a pet
But he hadn't bought a cart yet.

Nightfly
03-01-2010, 04:55 AM
Old Dan has an ox for a pet
But he hadn't bought a cart yet.
For now he'll make do

brad_b
03-01-2010, 06:06 AM
Old Dan has an ox for a pet
But he hadn't bought a cart yet.
For now he'll make do
With an ox that won't moo

archerjoe
03-01-2010, 06:20 AM
Old Dan has an ox for a pet
But he hadn't bought a cart yet.
For now he'll make do
With an ox that won't moo
And a lesson he'll never forget.

The peril of snowmen come spring

CatSlave
03-01-2010, 06:30 AM
The peril of snowmen come spring
The glorious sunshine will bring

Meaney
03-01-2010, 08:41 AM
The peril of snowmen come spring,
the glorious sunshine will bring
their death knell in meltwater

Sir_Nigel
03-01-2010, 12:41 PM
The peril of snowmen come spring,
the glorious sunshine will bring
their death knell in meltwater
- a lingering slaughter

Albedo of Zero
03-01-2010, 01:39 PM
The peril of snowmen come spring,
the glorious sunshine will bring
their death knell in meltwater
- a lingering slaughter
and the carrot will witness the thing :Shrug:



Come Hell or high water in Chile

Paul
03-01-2010, 02:40 PM
Not sure the previous is appropriate under current circumstances.
what about
There was once a contortionist from Calcutta

Sir_Nigel
03-01-2010, 05:15 PM
There was once a contortionist from Calcutta
whose intros had far too much clutter

Paul
03-01-2010, 05:27 PM
There was once a contortionist from Calcutta
whose intros had far too much clutter
But God they are funny
__________________

flyingtart
03-01-2010, 07:04 PM
There was once a contortionist from Calcutta
whose intros had far too much clutter
But God they are funny
And earn him much money

Sir_Nigel
03-01-2010, 07:34 PM
There was once a contortionist from Calcutta
whose intros had far too much clutter
But God they are funny
And earn him much money
He’s a rich, rambling, flexible nutter


Oh what could be stuck to my shoe?

Paul
03-01-2010, 08:46 PM
Oh what could be stuck to my shoe?
I'm certain it smells like some poo

Paul
03-01-2010, 11:59 PM
Oh what could be stuck to my shoe?
I'm certain it smells like some poo (ok, ok)

I simply don't know what to do

Albedo of Zero
03-02-2010, 01:13 AM
Not sure the previous is appropriate under current circumstances.
what about
There was once a contortionist from Calcutta


I am slightly offended that my limerick line was censored. What offends me more, is that you don't have faith in the AW writers to keep in good form.

Autodidact
03-02-2010, 01:13 AM
Oh what could be stuck to my shoe?
I simply don't know what to do.
I'm all in a dither

iLion
03-02-2010, 05:53 AM
Oh what could be stuck to my shoe?
I simply don't know what to do.
I'm all in a dither
As I slide and I slither

Albedo of Zero
03-02-2010, 10:59 AM
Oh what could be stuck to my shoe?
I simply don't know what to do.
I'm all in a dither
As I slide and I slither
and I'm certain I smell some poo.



Come hell or high water in Chile

Matera the Mad
03-02-2010, 11:52 AM
Come hell or high water in Chile
We're going to prank Uncle Billy

Meaney
03-02-2010, 02:36 PM
Come hell or high water in Chile
We are going to prank Uncle Billy
with charity gags

Meaney
03-02-2010, 02:41 PM
By the way, I'd just like to go on record that this (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4690564&postcount=11797) is one of the best of recent limericks!

Paul
03-02-2010, 02:55 PM
Come hell or high water in Chile
We are going to prank Uncle Billy
with charity gags
a set of flags


(I agree Meany, it was)

Paul
03-02-2010, 02:57 PM
I am slightly offended that my limerick line was censored. What offends me more, is that you don't have faith in the AW writers to keep in good form.

I'm slightly offended that you were slightly offended.

Nonetheless, 'we go on...'

flyingtart
03-02-2010, 08:07 PM
Come hell or high water in Chile
We are going to prank Uncle Billy
with charity gags
a set of flags
Now cut out this nonsense, it's silly!


In the year nineteen seventy-eight

Lavern08
03-02-2010, 08:42 PM
In the year nineteen seventy-eight
I had an unusual date

iLion
03-02-2010, 09:24 PM
In the year nineteen seventy-eight
I had an unusual date
It involved whipped cream

archerjoe
03-02-2010, 09:29 PM
In the year nineteen seventy-eight
I had an unusual date
It involved whipped cream
And a fifth of Jim Beam

Lavern08
03-02-2010, 11:29 PM
In the year nineteen seventy-eight
I had an unusual date
It involved whipped cream
And a fifth of Jim Beam
And a wannabe pirate named Nate

I once tried to learn how to ski

Paul
03-02-2010, 11:32 PM
I once tried to learn how to ski
just my cat, my pet bat and me

flyingtart
03-02-2010, 11:51 PM
I once tried to learn how to ski
just my cat, my pet bat and me
But my cat took a tumble

Autodidact
03-03-2010, 02:36 AM
I once tried to learn how to ski
just my cat, my pet bat and me.
But my cat took a tumble
and I heard my bat mumble

CatSlave
03-03-2010, 02:38 AM
I once tried to learn how to ski
just my cat, my pet bat and me
But my cat took a tumble
The bat made me stumble

archerjoe
03-03-2010, 05:20 AM
I once tried to learn how to ski
just my cat, my pet bat and me
But my cat took a tumble
The bat made me stumble
The cast stretches up past my knee

The emergency doctor was cute

CatSlave
03-03-2010, 05:55 AM
The emergency doctor was cute
With freckles and blue eyes to boot

iLion
03-03-2010, 06:08 AM
The emergency doctor was cute
With freckles and blue eyes to boot
but i barfed on his tie

Paul
03-03-2010, 02:01 PM
(I once tried to learn how to ski
just my cat, my pet bat and me.
But my cat took a tumble
and I heard my bat mumble (like that one)
Good lord, it's feline for tea)

anyway

The emergency doctor was cute
With freckles and blue eyes to boot
but i barfed on his tie
then unzipped his fly
__________________

flyingtart
03-03-2010, 05:45 PM
The emergency doctor was cute
With freckles and blue eyes to boot
but i barfed on his tie
then unzipped his fly
And laughed when he gave me the boot.


While herding some sheep in Australia

Sir_Nigel
03-03-2010, 06:11 PM
While herding some sheep in Australia
(‘cause the platypus farm was a failure)

Lavern08
03-03-2010, 07:50 PM
While herding some sheep in Australia
(‘cause the platypus farm was a failure)
I discovered some gold

Nymtoc
03-03-2010, 09:48 PM
While herding some sheep in Australia
(‘cause the platypus farm was a failure)
I discovered some gold
And lo and behold

flyingtart
03-03-2010, 11:00 PM
While herding some sheep in Australia
(‘cause the platypus farm was a failure)
I discovered some gold
And lo and behold
A sheila whose nickname was Dahlia


My cousin Jay went on a course

Preacher'sWife
03-04-2010, 02:21 AM
My cousin Jay went on a course
That led the man straight to divorce

Paul
03-04-2010, 04:07 AM
My cousin Jay went on a course
That led the man straight to divorce
She sighed, but said
"

CatSlave
03-04-2010, 05:16 AM
My cousin Jay went on a course
That led the man straight to divorce
She sighed, but said
"I know we are wed, but

Nymtoc
03-04-2010, 05:36 AM
My cousin Jay went on a course
That led the man straight to divorce
She sighed, but said
"I know we are wed, but
He spends every night with his horse."

My boss has a face like a frog

Matera the Mad
03-04-2010, 06:49 AM
My boss has a face like a frog
He would look right at home in a bog

archerjoe
03-04-2010, 07:00 AM
My boss has a face like a frog
He would look right at home in a bog
And the way that he croaks

Matera the Mad
03-04-2010, 07:03 AM
My boss has a face like a frog
He would look right at home in a bog
And the way that he croaks
-- like a toilet that chokes --

Albedo of Zero
03-04-2010, 11:04 AM
My boss has a face like a frog
He would look right at home in a bog
And the way that he croaks
-- like a toilet that chokes --
makes me flush when I write down his log.



Another old fella' from Scranton

Sir_Nigel
03-04-2010, 12:24 PM
Another old fella' from Scranton
had a face like a Halloween lantern

Meaney
03-04-2010, 12:24 PM
Another old fella' from Scranton
who looked just like Harry Dean Stanton

Meaney
03-04-2010, 12:26 PM
Another old fella' from Scranton
who looked just like Harry Dean Stanton

Fine! But I reserve the right to the last line! :D

flyingtart
03-04-2010, 06:56 PM
Another old fella' from Scranton
had a face like a Halloween lantern
His eyes were ablaze

archerjoe
03-04-2010, 11:06 PM
Another old fella' from Scranton
had a face like a Halloween lantern
His eyes were ablaze
Hadn't showered in days

Pthom
03-05-2010, 02:38 AM
Another old fella' from Scranton
had a face like a Halloween lantern
His eyes were ablaze
Hadn't showered in days
'Cause he just now arrived from Canton.

“See, the thing is,” she said, smiling sweetly

Paul
03-05-2010, 03:48 AM
“See, the thing is,” she said, smiling sweetly
When i fold, I like to fold neatly

archerjoe
03-05-2010, 04:32 AM
“See, the thing is,” she said, smiling sweetly
When i fold, I like to fold neatly
But with undies this small

Albedo of Zero
03-05-2010, 08:32 AM
“See, the thing is,” she said, smiling sweetly
When I fold, I like to fold neatly
But with undies this small
I could roll in a ball

Matera the Mad
03-05-2010, 10:38 AM
“See, the thing is,” she said, smiling sweetly
When I fold, I like to fold neatly
But with undies this small
I could roll in a ball
It takes such skill no one can beat me :D

Does your underwear creep up and bite you

Albedo of Zero
03-05-2010, 10:56 AM
Does your underwear creep up and bite you
then flap between butt cheeks like farts do :eek:

CatSlave
03-05-2010, 12:05 PM
Does your underwear creep up and bite you
Then flap between butt cheeks like farts do
Try wearing a thong


Mom, he said 'farts'

archerjoe
03-05-2010, 04:24 PM
Does your underwear creep up and bite you
Then flap between butt cheeks like farts do
Try wearing a thong
You cannot go wrong

Matera the Mad
03-06-2010, 09:58 AM
Does your underwear creep up and bite you
Then flap between butt cheeks like farts do
Try wearing a thong
You cannot go wrong
A G-string may twang, but ne'er fight you

When Fannie the Fair burnt her bra

flyingtart
03-06-2010, 05:48 PM
When Fannie the Fair burnt her bra
The villagers said she'd go far

Lavern08
03-06-2010, 09:00 PM
When Fannie the Fair burnt her bra
The villagers said she'd go far
But she never left Norway

Preacher'sWife
03-06-2010, 10:58 PM
When Fannie the Fair burnt her bra
The villagers said she'd go far
But she never left Norway
Cuz she's stuck in her doorway

Albedo of Zero
03-06-2010, 11:47 PM
When Fannie the Fair burnt her bra
The villagers said she'd go far
But she never left Norway
Cuz she's stuck in her doorway
(those wide hips and double Ds in the raw). I wanted so much to use bourgeois


Another thing that I've been thinking

Preacher'sWife
03-06-2010, 11:57 PM
Another thing that I've been thinking
Is how to face life without drinking

Ugawa
03-07-2010, 12:08 AM
Another thing that I've been thinking
Is how to face life without drinking
You never know until you try

CatSlave
03-07-2010, 01:08 AM
Another thing I've been thinking
Is facing life without drinking
You never know 'til you try
How high you can fly

(made a few edits, ok?)

Paul
03-07-2010, 02:03 AM
Another thing I've been thinking
Is facing life without drinking
You never know 'til you try
How high you can fly
Or how far you might fail, left stinking

A perky preacher named Zebediha

Matera the Mad
03-07-2010, 05:42 AM
A perky preacher named Zebediha
Smoked pot and got higha and higha

archerjoe
03-07-2010, 07:13 AM
A perky preacher named Zebediha
Smoked pot and got higha and higha
But when the cops came

Matera the Mad
03-07-2010, 07:55 AM
A perky preacher named Zebediha
Smoked pot and got higha and higha
But when the cops came
They could not spell his name

Nymtoc
03-07-2010, 08:13 AM
A perky preacher named Zebediha
Smoked pot and got higha and higha
But when the cops came
They could not spell his name
And he wouldn't reveal his supplia.

There once was a bouncer called Moe

Matera the Mad
03-07-2010, 08:38 AM
There once was a bouncer called Moe
Who had gout in his left middle toe

archerjoe
03-07-2010, 08:39 AM
There once was a bouncer called Moe
Who had gout in his left middle toe
When he'd kick a bum out

Matera the Mad
03-07-2010, 08:44 AM
There once was a bouncer called Moe
Who had gout in his left middle toe
When he'd kick a bum out
The pain made him shout

flyingtart
03-07-2010, 09:18 PM
There once was a bouncer called Moe
Who had gout in his left middle toe
When he'd kick a bum out
The pain made him shout
But it sure made the scallywag go!


For years she had saved all her money

CatSlave
03-08-2010, 12:07 AM
For years she had saved all her money
To travel to lands bright and sunny

Lavern08
03-08-2010, 01:23 AM
For years she had saved all her money
To travel to lands bright and sunny
But a thief robbed her blind

Nymtoc
03-08-2010, 03:41 AM
For years she had saved all her money
To travel to lands bright and sunny
But a thief robbed her blind.
She wept. He didn't mind.

flyingtart
03-08-2010, 02:49 PM
For years she had saved all her money
To travel to lands bright and sunny
But a thief robbed her blind.
She wept. He didn't mind.
For she found him a bit of a honey.


A girl could do better than marry

Meaney
03-08-2010, 04:07 PM
A girl could do better than marry
a man in accord yet contrary.

CatSlave
03-08-2010, 06:53 PM
A girl could do better than marry
A man in accord yet contrary.
All those fish in the sea

archerjoe
03-09-2010, 06:03 AM
A girl could do better than marry
A man in accord yet contrary.
All those fish in the sea
But she had to pick me

CatSlave
03-09-2010, 07:01 AM
A girl could do better than marry
A man in accord yet contrary.
All those fish in the sea
But she had to pick me
Wonder why, 'cause I'm just ordinary.

A gourmet went out for a meal

archerjoe
03-09-2010, 07:07 AM
A gourmet went out for a meal
"Excuse me but this isn't veal."

Meaney
03-09-2010, 09:36 AM
A gourmet went out for a meal:
"Excuse me but this isn't veal."
"No, sir, it's tanned leather."

CDSinex
03-09-2010, 12:18 PM
A gourmet went out for a meal:
"Excuse me but this isn't veal."
"No, sir, it's tanned leather."
"And it tastes so much better."

Sir_Nigel
03-09-2010, 01:25 PM
A gourmet went out for a meal:
"Excuse me but this isn't veal."
"No, sir, it's tanned leather."
"And it tastes so much better
when served with the sole and the heel”


You shouldn’t be putting it there

Nymtoc
03-09-2010, 03:25 PM
You shouldn’t be putting it there
His Nibs always sits in that chair

Matera the Mad
03-09-2010, 04:48 PM
You shouldn’t be putting it there
His Nibs always sits in that chair
If he sits on that

Meaney
03-09-2010, 05:08 PM
You shouldn’t be putting it there
His Nibs always sits in that chair
If he sits down on that
it will suddenly be flat

Sir_Nigel
03-09-2010, 05:51 PM
You shouldn’t be putting it there
His Nibs always sits in that chair
If he sits down on that
it will suddenly be flat
and then you’ll have nothing to wear


I have an embarrassing rash

Meaney
03-09-2010, 06:07 PM
I have an embarrassing rash
in the shape of the poet, Ogden Nash

iLion
03-09-2010, 06:41 PM
I have an embarrassing rash
in the shape of the poet, Ogden Nash
Its in such a place

flyingtart
03-09-2010, 08:15 PM
I have an embarrassing rash
in the shape of the poet, Ogden Nash
Its in such a place
Far away from my face

StephanieFox
03-09-2010, 08:24 PM
I have an embarrassing rash
in the shape of the poet, Ogden Nash
Its in such a place
Far away from my face
Near the place where I keep all my cash.



The rabbi stood up on the stage

CatSlave
03-09-2010, 08:32 PM
The rabbi stood up on the stage
He gestured and yelled in a rage

archerjoe
03-09-2010, 08:39 PM
The rabbi stood up on the stage
He gestured and yelled in a rage
"Oy vey, what a shame"

iLion
03-09-2010, 09:21 PM
The rabbi stood up on the stage
He gestured and yelled in a rage
"Oy vey, what a shame"
If you are to blame

talkwrite
03-09-2010, 11:26 PM
The rabbi stood up on the stage
He gestured and yelled in a rage
"Oy vey, what a shame"
If you are to blame
You will be struck dead by the sage

Accepting her Oscar , she said

Meaney
03-10-2010, 04:55 AM
Accepting her Oscar, she said:
"You like me! You like me!" and dropped dead.

archerjoe
03-10-2010, 05:05 AM
Accepting her Oscar, she said:
"You like me! You like me!" and dropped dead.
Of course Meryl Streep

CDSinex
03-10-2010, 10:35 AM
Accepting her Oscar, she said:
"You like me! You like me!" and dropped dead.
Of course Meryl Streep
Grabbed the statuette to keep.

CatSlave
03-10-2010, 10:52 AM
Accepting her Oscar, she said:
"You like me! You like me!" and dropped dead.
Of course Meryl Streep
Grabbed the statuette to keep
While Julia Roberts saw red.


A shark glided close to the beach

Nymtoc
03-10-2010, 11:03 AM
A shark glided close to the beach
And I was within the beast's reach

CatSlave
03-10-2010, 11:15 AM
A shark glided close to the beach
And I was within the beast's reach
With mouth open wide

Sir_Nigel
03-10-2010, 12:45 PM
A shark glided close to the beach
And I was within the beast's reach
With mouth open wide
I could see right inside

Nymtoc
03-10-2010, 03:10 PM
A shark glided close to the beach
And I was within the beast's reach
With mouth open wide
I could see right inside
And the dreadful sight robbed me of speech.

Mata Hari knew all about spying

archerjoe
03-10-2010, 05:33 PM
Mata Hari knew all about spying
Such as hiding her tracks and lying

Sir_Nigel
03-10-2010, 06:36 PM
Mata Hari knew all about spying
Such as hiding her tracks and lying
Confronted by Fritz

flyingtart
03-10-2010, 09:13 PM
Mata Hari knew all about spying
Such as hiding her tracks and lying
Confronted by Fritz
She showed him her...bits

Matera the Mad
03-10-2010, 09:14 PM
Mata Hari knew all about spying
Such as hiding her tracks and lying
Confronted by Fritz
She showed him her...bits
And snuck off while he was untying

In espionage risks are taken

StephanieFox
03-11-2010, 04:42 AM
In espionage risks are taken
Martinis are stirred, never shaken

CatSlave
03-11-2010, 05:15 AM
In espionage risks are taken
Martinis are stirred, never shaken
A tux and a gun

CDSinex
03-11-2010, 10:33 AM
In espionage risks are taken
Martinis are stirred, never shaken
A tux and a gun
And a car by Aston

Sir_Nigel
03-11-2010, 12:50 PM
In espionage risks are taken
Martinis are stirred, never shaken
A tux and a gun
And a car by Aston
And evenings are spent makin’ bacon.



I thought it smelt faintly of cheese

archerjoe
03-11-2010, 04:43 PM
I thought it smelt faintly of cheese
The scent made me weak in the knees

CatSlave
03-11-2010, 07:23 PM
I thought it smelt faintly of cheese
The scent made me weak in the knees
I drooled just a bit

Lavern08
03-11-2010, 08:28 PM
I thought it smelt faintly of cheese
The scent made me weak in the knees
I drooled just a bit
I gagged and I spit

flyingtart
03-11-2010, 09:09 PM
I thought it smelt faintly of cheese
The scent made me weak in the knees
I drooled just a bit
I gagged and I spit
So don't give me pot roast again, please.


My cousin is making me sick

CDSinex
03-12-2010, 01:27 AM
My cousin is making me sick
You know, the one we call "Rick."

CatSlave
03-12-2010, 02:01 AM
My cousin is making me sick
You know, the one we call Rick.
With finger in nose

talkwrite
03-12-2010, 02:16 AM
My cousin is making me sick
You know, the one we call Rick.
With finger in nose
wearing black hose

CatSlave
03-12-2010, 02:24 AM
My cousin is making me sick
You know, the one we call Rick.
With finger in nose
wearing black hose
He looks like a cross-dressing hick.


My boyfriend just yelled at my cat

RevisionIsTheKey
03-12-2010, 02:32 AM
My boyfriend just yelled at my cat
For leaving a mouse in his hat

CatSlave
03-12-2010, 02:35 AM
My boyfriend just yelled at my cat
For leaving a mouse in his hat
My cat took it back

CDSinex
03-12-2010, 06:38 AM
My boyfriend just yelled at my cat
For leaving a mouse in his hat
My cat took it back
And vowed to attack.

Matera the Mad
03-12-2010, 07:49 AM
My boyfriend just yelled at my cat
For leaving a mouse in his hat
My cat took it back
And vowed to attack
In a sneakier way with a bat

Whoever invented the faucet

CDSinex
03-12-2010, 12:16 PM
Whoever invented the faucet
Made lots of money, but lost it.

archerjoe
03-12-2010, 05:27 PM
Whoever invented the faucet
Made lots of money, but lost it.
He was a big drip

flyingtart
03-12-2010, 07:52 PM
Whoever invented the faucet
Made lots of money, but lost it.
He was a big drip
But here's a good tip

Matera the Mad
03-12-2010, 10:13 PM
Whoever invented the faucet
Made lots of money, but lost it.
He was a big drip
But here's a good tip
You can't be both a buddy and boss it

My limerick-fu holds the record

archerjoe
03-13-2010, 07:06 PM
My limerick-fu holds the record
I'll take on any sharp word nerd

flyingtart
03-13-2010, 11:34 PM
My limerick-fu holds the record
I'll take on any sharp word nerd
So hone your rhymes

slcboston
03-14-2010, 12:14 AM
My limerick-fu holds the record
I'll take on any sharp word nerd
So hone your rhymes
And mind your lines

Albedo of Zero
03-14-2010, 01:25 AM
My limerick-fu holds the record
I'll take on any sharp word nerd
So hone your rhymes
And mind your lines
"Hey look! I got a new snow board!" -or- but don't hold your breath for a reward.



The gumshoe had come to a dead end

CDSinex
03-14-2010, 01:43 AM
The gumshoe had come to a dead end
So he desperately turned to a good friend.

flyingtart
03-14-2010, 02:54 AM
The gumshoe had come to a dead end
So he desperately turned to a good friend.
"What can you suggest?"

archerjoe
03-14-2010, 03:48 AM
The gumshoe had come to a dead end
So he desperately turned to a good friend.
"What can you suggest?"
"It's an arduous quest"

Nymtoc
03-14-2010, 03:57 AM
The gumshoe had come to a dead end
So he desperately turned to a good friend.
"What can you suggest?"
"It's an arduous quest"
"Bottle open," said friend. "Elbow bend."

No good person would ever go there

CDSinex
03-14-2010, 04:06 AM
No good person would ever go there
If they did folks would gossip and stare.

flyingtart
03-14-2010, 01:00 PM
No good person would ever go there
If they did folks would gossip and stare.
And their reputation

Matera the Mad
03-15-2010, 08:44 AM
No good person would ever go there
If they did folks would gossip and stare.
And their reputation
All over the nation

flyingtart
03-15-2010, 07:16 PM
No good person would ever go there
If they did folks would gossip and stare.
And their reputation
All over the nation
Would be more than the decent could bear.


While riding my fine piebald mare

CDSinex
03-15-2010, 09:08 PM
While riding my fine piebald mare.
I acted as if I hadn't a care.

Lavern08
03-16-2010, 01:19 AM
While riding my fine piebald mare.
I acted as if I hadn't a care.
But then I saw Suzy

CDSinex
03-16-2010, 01:26 AM
While riding my fine piebald mare.
I acted as if I hadn't a care.
But then I saw Suzy,
the neighborhood floozy,

archerjoe
03-16-2010, 06:03 AM
While riding my fine piebald mare.
I acted as if I hadn't a care.
But then I saw Suzy,
the neighborhood floozy,
Air-drying her lace underwear

The styles were a sight to behold

CDSinex
03-16-2010, 06:52 AM
The styles were a sight to behold
And quiet unique, so I'm told.

Matera the Mad
03-16-2010, 08:43 AM
The styles were a sight to behold
And quiet unique, so I'm told.
The panties from France

CDSinex
03-16-2010, 10:33 AM
The styles were a sight to behold
And quiet unique, so I'm told.
The panties from France
More specifically, Nance.

Sir_Nigel
03-16-2010, 01:21 PM
The styles were a sight to behold
And quiet unique, so I'm told.
The panties from France
More specifically, Nance
And very fine work ………so I’m told.


I heard a loud knock on my door

flyingtart
03-16-2010, 01:35 PM
I heard a loud knock on my door
The sound struck me down to my core

Nymtoc
03-16-2010, 01:45 PM
I heard a loud knock on my door
The sound struck me down to my core
And then I heard groans

Meaney
03-16-2010, 03:15 PM
I heard a loud knock on my door
The sound struck me down to my core
And then I heard groans:
"Have you seen the Dow Jones?"

Sir_Nigel
03-16-2010, 05:30 PM
I heard a loud knock on my door
The sound struck me down to my core
And then I heard groans:
"Have you seen the Dow Jones?
We’re ruined – it’s gone through the floor”


Cheer up, never mind, have a cuppa.

Lavern08
03-16-2010, 07:19 PM
Cheer up, never mind, have a cuppa.
I'm making you lamb chops for suppa

archerjoe
03-16-2010, 07:37 PM
Cheer up, never mind, have a cuppa.
I'm making you lamb chops for suppa
We have lots of beer

flyingtart
03-16-2010, 08:19 PM
Cheer up, never mind, have a cuppa.
I'm making you lamb chops for suppa
We have lots of beer
So come over here

CDSinex
03-16-2010, 08:36 PM
Cheer up, never mind, have a cuppa.
I'm making you lamb chops for suppa
We have lots of beer
So come over here
I cooked, so you can clean uppa.

A friend, whose name I can't mention,

Autodidact
03-16-2010, 09:22 PM
A friend, whose name I can't mention,
Is held in indefinite detention

CDSinex
03-16-2010, 10:29 PM
A friend, whose name I can't mention,
Is held in indefinite detention
He deserved what he got.

Lavern08
03-17-2010, 12:21 AM
A friend, whose name I can't mention,
Is held in indefinite detention
He deserved what he got.
Even though he was hot

Albedo of Zero
03-17-2010, 05:53 AM
A friend, whose name I can't mention,
Is held in indefinite detention
He deserved what he got.
Even though he was hot
His crime was beyond comprehension.



A feather, once plucked from a turkey

CDSinex
03-17-2010, 05:57 AM
A feather, once plucked from a turkey
Found its way into my beef jerky.

CatSlave
03-17-2010, 07:48 AM
A feather, once plucked from a turkey
Found its way into my beef jerky.
It tickled my throat

Sir_Nigel
03-17-2010, 12:49 PM
A feather, once plucked from a turkey
Found its way into my beef jerky.
It tickled my throat
like a fidgeting stoat

Nymtoc
03-17-2010, 01:01 PM
A feather, once plucked from a turkey
Found its way into my beef jerky.
It tickled my throat
like a fidgeting stoat,
After that everything became murky.

My cousin Clem lives with a mule

flyingtart
03-17-2010, 06:47 PM
My cousin Clem lives with a mule
It keeps house for him while he's at school

Sir_Nigel
03-17-2010, 07:23 PM
My cousin Clem lives with a mule
It keeps house for him while he's at school
But he’s chasing an Ass

Lavern08
03-17-2010, 07:51 PM
My cousin Clem lives with a mule
It keeps house for him while he's at school
But he’s chasing an Ass
Who sneaks into his class

Autodidact
03-17-2010, 11:58 PM
My cousin Clem lives with a mule
It keeps house for him while he's at school
But he’s chasing an Ass
Who sneaks into his class
in gross disregard of the rule.


Today in the house and the Senate

CDSinex
03-18-2010, 02:37 AM
Today in the house and the Senate
If they vote on health care, can they win it?

iLion
03-18-2010, 03:21 AM
Today in the house and the Senate
If they vote on health care, can they win it?
They'll argue and chide

CDSinex
03-18-2010, 03:28 AM
Today in the house and the Senate
If they vote on health care, can they win it?
They'll argue and chide
And sometimes deride

Nymtoc
03-18-2010, 04:11 AM
Today in the house and the Senate
If they vote on health care, can they win it?
They'll argue and chide
And sometimes deride,
But we know the fat cats are agin it.

Uncle Zeke has been digging a hole

CDSinex
03-18-2010, 05:29 AM
Uncle Zeke has been digging a hole
It's a tunnel to the North Pole.

Sir_Nigel
03-18-2010, 01:21 PM
Uncle Zeke has been digging a hole
It's a tunnel to the North Pole.
He seems pretty sanguine

Nymtoc
03-18-2010, 03:56 PM
Uncle Zeke has been digging a hole
It's a tunnel to the North Pole.
He seems pretty sanguine
But we heard a bang when

flyingtart
03-18-2010, 05:58 PM
Uncle Zeke has been digging a hole
It's a tunnel to the North Pole.
He seems pretty sanguine
But we heard a bang when
He reached centre instead of his goal.


When Dorothy went to New Jersey

Sir_Nigel
03-18-2010, 06:34 PM
When Dorothy went to New Jersey
she took a wrong turn up the Mersey

talkwrite
03-18-2010, 08:17 PM
When Dorothy went to New Jersey
she took a wrong turn up the Mersey
Her Camry drove on

CDSinex
03-18-2010, 09:05 PM
When Dorothy went to New Jersey
she took a wrong turn up the Mersey
Her Camry drove on
But she knew something's wrong.

Autodidact
03-18-2010, 09:41 PM
When Dorothy went to New Jersey
she took a wrong turn up the Mersey
Her Camry drove on
But she knew something's wrong.
For nothing else rhymes with "New Jersey."


I have traveled the world far and wide

Lavern08
03-18-2010, 10:22 PM
I have traveled the world far and wide
And I've laughed so hard that I cried

CDSinex
03-19-2010, 01:44 AM
I have traveled the world far and wide
And I've laughed so hard that I cried
I've seen things so strange

Matera the Mad
03-19-2010, 07:08 AM
I have traveled the world far and wide
And I've laughed so hard that I cried
I've seen things so strange
That your mind they'd derange

CDSinex
03-19-2010, 08:58 AM
I have traveled the world far and wide
And I've laughed so hard that I cried
I've seen things so strange
That your mind they'd derange
And if I told you, you'd think that I lied.


A dog I once saw in the park.

CatSlave
03-19-2010, 10:03 AM
A dog I once saw in the park
Was nervous and started to bark

Sir_Nigel
03-19-2010, 12:32 PM
A dog I once saw in the park
was nervous and started to bark
so I gave the old mutt

Nymtoc
03-19-2010, 01:43 PM
A dog I once saw in the park
was nervous and started to bark
so I gave the old mutt
an old cigar butt

Sir_Nigel
03-19-2010, 02:36 PM
A dog I once saw in the park
was nervous and started to bark
so I gave the old mutt
an old cigar butt
and a brown Derby hat for a lark



Oh no!, said the girl in distress

flyingtart
03-19-2010, 08:27 PM
Oh no!, said the girl in distress
As the tar baby fell on her dress

CDSinex
03-19-2010, 08:42 PM
Oh no!, said the girl in distress
As the tar baby fell on her dress
While licorice I fave ("Tar Babies" was a licorice candy when I was a child.)

flyingtart
03-19-2010, 11:59 PM
Oh no!, said the girl in distress
As the tar baby fell on her dress
"While licorice I fave
I wish I could save

Autodidact
03-20-2010, 12:17 AM
Oh no!, said the girl in distress
As the tar baby fell on her dress
"While licorice I fave
I wish I could save
this limerick; it's really a mess.


Will we get health care reform?

CDSinex
03-20-2010, 03:52 AM
Will we get health care reform?
Which in most counties is quite the norm.

StephanieFox
03-20-2010, 05:31 AM
Will we get health care reform?
Which in most counties is quite the norm.
Or will nay-sayers rule

CDSinex
03-20-2010, 06:45 AM
Will we get health care reform?
Which in most counties is quite the norm.
Or will nay-sayers rule
'till they babble and drool

Matera the Mad
03-20-2010, 01:10 PM
Will we get health care reform?
Which in most counties is quite the norm.
Or will nay-sayers rule
'till they babble and drool
(which they already do, the poor worms)?

All I know is, if I were a doctor

flyingtart
03-20-2010, 04:39 PM
All I know is, if I were a doctor
I would punish the people who mocked her

CatSlave
03-20-2010, 09:58 PM
All I know is, if I were a doctor
I would punish the people who mocked her
I'd smite them and then

CDSinex
03-20-2010, 10:08 PM
All I know is, if I were a doctor
I would punish the people who mocked her
I'd smite them and then
I'd do it again

flyingtart
03-21-2010, 06:02 PM
All I know is, if I were a doctor
I would punish the people who mocked her
I'd smite them and then
I'd do it again
Even if caught by the proctor (ouch!:tongue)


Christine was a fussy young Miss

Paul
03-21-2010, 06:20 PM
Christine was a fussy young Miss
She'd refused to greet friends with a kiss

CatSlave
03-21-2010, 07:32 PM
Christine was a fussy young Miss
She'd refused to greet friends with a kiss
She feared germs would spread

CDSinex
03-21-2010, 09:51 PM
Christine was a fussy young Miss
She'd refused to greet friends with a kiss
She feared germs would spread
And she'd wind up dead.

CatSlave
03-22-2010, 12:26 AM
Christine was a fussy young Miss
She'd refused to greet friends with a kiss
She feared germs would spread
And she'd wind up dead
So she missed out on plenty of bliss.

Kobe beef cattle drink beer

CDSinex
03-22-2010, 01:31 AM
Kobe beef cattle drink beer
And they're hand fed grain for two years.

CatSlave
03-22-2010, 02:57 AM
Kobe beef cattle drink beers
And they're hand fed grain for two years
The taste is sublime

archerjoe
03-22-2010, 06:15 AM
Kobe beef cattle drink beers
And they're hand fed grain for two years
The taste is sublime
Well-done is a crime

writeronfire
03-22-2010, 06:33 AM
Kobe beef cattle drink beers
And they're hand fed grain for two years
The taste is sublime
Well-done is a crime,
Only problem, they've all got three ears.

I do not like beer, I drink wine

CatSlave
03-22-2010, 07:25 AM
I do not like beer, I drink wine
It's healthy, this fruit of the vine

CDSinex
03-22-2010, 07:58 AM
I do not like beer, I drink wine
It's healthy, this fruit of the vine
Plus beer makes you pee.

Matera the Mad
03-22-2010, 09:54 AM
I do not like beer, I drink wine
It's healthy, this fruit of the vine
Plus beer makes you pee
And it's foamy, you see

CDSinex
03-22-2010, 11:29 AM
I do not like beer, I drink wine
It's healthy, this fruit of the vine
Plus beer makes you pee
And it's foamy, you see
But mixed together they're simply divine.

A friend I bumped into today.

Sir_Nigel
03-22-2010, 02:04 PM
A friend I bumped into today
in a cathouse in old Monteray