Limericks Live!

[Albedo of Zero]

My prose graces many a wall
From Fresno to stately Broomall
I don't mean to suggest
I'm the brightest and best
But it got my number out after all



Interrupting is such a rude thing,

[brad_b]

Interrupting is such a rude thing,
whether to pauper, or poet, or king

[Pthom]

Interrupting is such a rude thing,
whether to pauper, or poet, or king
Put a sock in your mouth

[flyingtart]

Interrupting is such a rude thing,
whether to pauper, or poet, or king
Put a sock in your mouth
And don't be uncouth

[Pthom]

Interrupting is such a rude thing,
whether to pauper, or poet, or king
Put a sock in your mouth
And don't be uncouth

Hey, who put syrup in the laundry?





[Sorry for interrupting. Now back to your regularly scheduled limerick]

[CDSinex]

Interrupting is such a rude thing,
whether to pauper, or poet, or king
Put a sock in your mouth
And don't be uncouth
Is that true even when your ailing?

(We'll use Pthom's line with some editing)

Hey, who put cough syrup in the laundry?

[Meaney]

(We'll use Pthom's line with some editing)

Hey, who put cough syrup in the laundry?

Great idea... but that line is not anapestic (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1963576&postcount=5444). Allow me to correct the meter:

The laundry had cough syrup in it

[flyingtart]

The laundry had cough syrup in it
So the laundry maid said "Wait a minute -

[archerjoe]

The laundry had cough syrup in it
So the laundry maid said "Wait a minute -
It tastes like it's maple

[CDSinex]

I stand corrected. The link to anapestic is ironic.


The laundry had cough syrup in it
So the laundry maid said "Wait a minute -
It tastes like it's maple
Around here quite a staple

[Pthom]

The laundry had cough syrup in it
So the laundry maid said "Wait a minute -
It tastes like it's maple
Around here quite a staple
It's so much more tasty than rennet.

The anapest warn't yet a pome...

[CDSinex]

The anapest warn't yet a pome...
At least so said my garden gnome.

[Matera the Mad]

The anapest warn't yet a pome...
At least so said the hollow garden gnome.
I reckon I'll tweak it

[Albedo of Zero]

The anapest warn't yet a pome...
At least so said the hollow garden gnome.
I reckon I'll tweak it
or meany might emit

[Pthom]

The anapest warn't yet a pome...
At least so said my garden gnome.
I reckon I'll tweak it
Or meany might emit
A little too much shaving foam!

I shore do like playin' this game!

[CatSlave]

I shore do like playin' this game!
Though some of the rhymes are quite lame.

[RevisionIsTheKey]

I shore do like playin' this game!
Though some of the rhymes are quite lame.
I'm now sleep-deprived

[CatSlave]

I shore do like playin' this game!
Though some of the rhymes are quite lame.
I'm now sleep-deprived
My words are contrived

[Albedo of Zero]

I shore do like playin' this game!
Though some of the rhymes are quite lame.
I'm now sleep-deprived
My words are contrived
and my meter really sucks the anapestic, for shame.



With all the tom-foolery finished

[Meaney]

and my meter really sucks the anapestic, for shame.

Bonus points for irony! :)


With all the tom-foolery finished
the good mood of the room had diminished

[Sir_Nigel]

With all the tom-foolery finished
the good mood of the room had diminished
Disgruntlement grew

[flyingtart]

With all the tom-foolery finished
the good mood of the room had diminished
Disgruntlement grew
Till one day it blew

[Sir_Nigel]

With all the tom-foolery finished
the good mood of the room had diminished
Disgruntlement grew
Till one day it blew
‘cos Popeye was utterly spinached


His girl was the fair Olive Oyl

[archerjoe]

His girl was the fair Olive Oyl
And Bluto a terrible foil

[flyingtart]

His girl was the fair Olive Oyl
And Bluto a terrible foil
His adventures at sea

[brad_b]

His girl was the fair Olive Oyl
And Bluto a terrible foil
His adventures at sea
Were accomplished with glee

[iLion]

His girl was the fair Olive Oyl
And Bluto a terrible foil
His adventures at sea
Were accomplished with glee
But he misses spoiling his goil.


She wanted to play with her friend

[CDSinex]

She wanted to play with her friend
Which she loved to do without end.

[iLion]

She wanted to play with her friend
Which she loved to do without end.
She teased and she pleased

[archerjoe]

She wanted to play with her friend
Which she loved to do without end.
She teased and she pleased
She rubbed and she squeezed

[RevisionIsTheKey]

She wanted to play with her friend
Which she loved to do without end.
She teased and she pleased
She rubbed and she squeezed
Thank goodness her friend's just pretend.

The IRS sent me a note

[CatSlave]

The IRS sent me a note
Demanding my cash, and I quote:

[Nightfly]

The IRS sent me a note
Demanding my cash, and I quote:
"Don't screw with us pal!

[Matera the Mad]

The IRS sent me a note
Demanding my cash, and I quote:
"Don't screw with us pal!
We'll unplug you like Hal

[CatSlave]

The IRS sent me a note
Demanding my cash, and I quote:
"Don't screw with us pal!
We'll unplug you like Hal
Then take all your money and gloat!"

A shy lad who never was kissed

[Matera the Mad]

A shy lad who never was kissed
Hoped to find out what he had missed

[CatSlave]

A shy lad who never was kissed
Hoped to find out what he had missed
The girl of his dreams

[Matera the Mad]

A shy lad who never was kissed
Hoped to find out what he had missed
The girl of his dreams
Got wise to his schemes

[CatSlave]

A shy lad who never was kissed
Hoped to find out what he had missed
The girl of his dreams
Got wise to his schemes
He ended up kissing her fist.

A monster lives under my bed

[Sir_Nigel]

A monster lives under my bed
- a multi-fanged Scroogle named Fred

[flyingtart]

A monster lives under my bed
- a multi-fanged Scroogle named Fred
His twenty inch claws

[Meaney]

A monster lives under my bed—
a multi-fanged Scroogle named Fred.
His twenty inch claws
and unwelcome applause

[NickDangr]

A monster lives under my bed—
a multi-fanged Scroogle named Fred.
His twenty inch claws
and unwelcome applause
Are enough to give pause to the dead.


A harried young miss from New Foundland....

[CDSinex]

A harried young miss from Newfoundland
Had a big black piano which she played grand

[CatSlave]

A harried young miss from Newfoundland
Had a big black piano which she played grand
Arpeggios lightly

[iLion]

A harried young miss from Newfoundland
Had a big black piano which she played grand
Arpeggios lightly
Vibrato slightly

[CatSlave]

A harried young miss from Newfoundland
Had a big black piano which she played grand
Arpeggios lightly
Vibrato slightly
Her playing was much in demand.


My gumbo got burned in the pot

[Pthom]

My gumbo got burned in the pot
The stove was turned up way too hot

[Sir_Nigel]

My gumbo got burned in the pot
The stove was turned up way too hot
I scolded the cook

[flyingtart]

My gumbo got burned in the pot
The stove was turned up way too hot
I scolded the cook
And gave her a look

[iLion]

My gumbo got burned in the pot
The stove was turned up way too hot
I scolded the cook
And gave her a look
That withered her right on the spot.


Lunch time is just way too short

[Lavern08]

Lunch time is just way too short
I get lost in the crowded food court

[Pthom]

Lunch time is just way too short
I get lost in the crowded food court
With a tray and a drink

[CatSlave]

Lunch time is just way too short
I get lost in the crowded food court
With a tray and a drink
Too noisy to think

[CDSinex]

Lunch time is just way too short
I get lost in the crowded food court
With a tray and a drink
Too noisy to think
And the cashier's thumb had a gross wart.

I wish I had more time to play

[Pthom]

I wish I had more time to play
But this wart on my thumb's in the way!

[CDSinex]

I wish I had more time to play
But this wart on my thumb's in the way!
I could work as a cashier.

[CatSlave]

I wish I had more time to play
But this wart on my thumb's in the way!
I could work as a cashier
Or eat pretzels, drink beer

[Matera the Mad]

I wish I had more time to play
But this wart on my thumb's in the way!
I could work as a cashier
Or eat pretzels, drink beer
But this damn wart's determined to stay.

Granny laughed as she ripped a CD

[CatSlave]

Granny laughed as she ripped a CD
She's really quite dotty, you see

[Lavern08]

Granny laughed as she ripped a CD
She's really quite dotty, you see
She sang an old tune

[NickDangr]

Granny laughed as she ripped a CD
She's really quite dotty, you see
She sang an old tune
And pulled songs off her Zune

[flyingtart]

Granny laughed as she ripped a CD
She's really quite dotty, you see
She sang an old tune
And pulled songs off her Zune
Then danced until quarter to three.


My uncle was famous in Wales

[iLion]

My uncle was famous in Wales
He knew all the guards at the jails

[CDSinex]

My uncle was famous in Wales
He knew all the guards at the jails
He knew all of their wives.

[iLion]

My uncle was famous in Wales
He knew all the guards at the jails
He knew all their wives
And their favorite dives

[brad_b]

My uncle was famous in Wales
He knew all the guards at the jails
He knew all their wives
And their favorite dives
But then who doesn't know all his tales

There was a little ditty on the net

[Paul]

There was a little ditty on the net
which caused me to fret

[Pthom]

There was a little ditty on the net
which caused me to fret
Watch your anapests, people, anapests :D
A ditty there was on the net
So bad it did cause me to fret
My excuses are few

[CatSlave]

A ditty there was on the net
So bad it did cause me to fret
My excuses are few
But as Mod I can do

[archerjoe]

A ditty there was on the net
So bad it did cause me to fret
My excuses are few
But as Mod I can do
What it takes to get these right yet

A snow-loving man in Vancouver

[Albedo of Zero]

A snow-loving man in Vancouver
made his skis from the slats of a louver

[CatSlave]

A snow-loving man in Vancouver
made his skis from the slats of a louver
He slipped and he slid

[Matera the Mad]

A snow-loving man in Vancouver
made his skis from the slats of a louver
He slipped and he slid
Like a truck in a skid

[CatSlave]

A snow-loving man in Vancouver
made his skis from the slats of a louver
He slipped and he slid
Like a truck in a skid
His friends could not match his maneuver.

There was an old lady from York

[Matera the Mad]

There was an old lady from York
Who ate nothing but beans and salt pork

[CatSlave]

There was an old lady from York
Who ate nothing but beans and salt pork
Her breath was so vile

[Preacher'sWife]

There was an old lady from York
Who ate nothing but beans and salt pork
Her breath was so vile
That the stench from her smile

[CatSlave]

There was an old lady from York
Who ate nothing but beans and salt pork
Her breath was so vile
That the stench from her smile
Would gag you, my dear, with a fork.

Your cell phone is deadly, you know

[Matera the Mad]

Your cell phone is deadly, you know
It radiates energy so

[Preacher'sWife]

Your cell phone is deadly, you know
It radiates energy so
Without even knowing,
__________________

[archerjoe]

Your cell phone is deadly, you know
It radiates energy so
Without even knowing,
Your brain cells are slowing

[Preacher'sWife]

Your cell phone is deadly, you know
It radiates energy so
Without even knowing,
Your brain cells are slowing
And your eyes are beginning to glow.

When old spinster Sal got a toothache

[Pthom]

When old spinster Sal got a toothache
She couldn't Uncle Fred's wake.

[Preacher'sWife]

When old spinster Sal got a toothache
She couldn't attend Uncle Fred's wake. (I think you were missing a word-so I added it!)
So Sal drank some whiskey

[CatSlave]

When old spinster Sal got a toothache
She couldn't attend Uncle Fred's wake.
So Sal drank some whiskey
It made her so frisky

[Pthom]

When old spinster Sal got a toothache
She couldn't attend Uncle Fred's wake.
So Sal drank some whiskey
It made her so frisky
She went out and ate a whole plum cake!

Sometime the old keyboard goes nuts

[Pthom]

When old spinster Sal got a toothache
She couldn't attend Uncle Fred's wake.
So Sal drank some whiskey
It made her so frisky
She went out and ate a whole plum cake!

Sometime the old keyboard goes nuts

[archerjoe]

Sometime the old keyboard goes nuts
There is something wrong in its guts

[Preacher'sWife]

Sometime the old keyboard goes nuts
There is something wrong in its guts
So you pop off a key

[CatSlave]

Sometime the old keyboard goes nuts
There is something wrong in its guts
So you pop off a key
Search for crumbs or spilled tea

[archerjoe]

Sometime the old keyboard goes nuts
There is something wrong in its guts
So you pop off a key
Search for crumbs or spilled tea
I'll bet this thing's older than Tut's

Sweet Mary posed nude for the artist

[Preacher'sWife]

Sweet Mary posed nude for the artist
Who, though talented, was not the smartest

[CatSlave]

Sweet Mary posed nude for the artist
Who, though talented, was not the smartest
He picked up his pen

[Preacher'sWife]

Sweet Mary posed nude for the artist
Who, though talented, was not the smartest
He picked up his pen
Approached Mary and then

[Meaney]

Permit me to tighten the meter of the second line...

Sweet Mary posed nude for the artist.
Though talented, he's not the smartest.
He picked up his pen,
approached Mary, and then
redesigned her as avant-gardist!

This leprosy's getting me down

[Matera the Mad]

This leprosy's getting me down
My nose might fall off when I frown!

[archerjoe]

This leprosy's getting me down
My nose might fall off when I frown!
Forget exfoliant

[Matera the Mad]

This leprosy's getting me down
My nose might fall off when I frown!
Forget exfoliant
I must be valiant

(or...
This leprosy's getting me down
My nose might fall off when I frown!
I keep losing clumps
I'm down in the dumps)

[CatSlave]

This leprosy's getting me down
My nose might fall off when I frown!
I keep losing clumps
I'm down in the dumps
The rest of my skin's turning brown.


A vampire who wanted a bite

[brad_b]

A vampire who wanted a bite
Gave Zelda, a lass, such a fright

[iLion]

A vampire who wanted a bite
Gave Zelda, a lass, such a fright.
He bared his long fangs

[Meaney]

A vampire who wanted a bite
Gave Zelda, a lass, such a fright.
He bares his long fangs
before he harangues

(I secretly changed the verb tense so I could rhyme!)

[Paul]

A vampire who wanted a bite
Gave Zelda, a lass, such a fright.
He bares his long fangs
before he harangues
Then settles right in for the night

(I secretly changed the verb tense so I could rhyme!)


The was a young lady from Essex

[flyingtart]

The was a young lady from Essex
Who went on a day trip to Wessex

[iLion]

The was a young lady from Essex
Who went on a day trip to Wessex
She took extra money

[CDSinex]

The was a young lady from Essex
Who went on a day trip to Wessex
She took extra money
Then looked for a honey

[Paul]

The was a young lady from Essex
Who went on a day trip to Wessex
She took extra money
Then looked for a honey
only to end up legless in Sussex....

he he, ah yes the s.e.x. word

Young Tolly Tompson

[CatSlave]

Young Tolly Tompson

I think you're missing something...

[Pthom]

Or we could go with a variant of Paul's comment...:D

He, he, ah S. E. X. word

[Paul]

Em, what about
Young Tolly Thompson
Bought her beau a ronson

[Paul]

Or we could go with a variant of Paul's comment...:D

He, he, ah S. E. X. word

Em hard to get the rhythm right with that particular word...

[Paul]

Young Tolly Thompson
Bought her beau a new ronson*
But when she asked for a light



*cigarette lighter

[Meaney]

Paul, that isn't a limerick. That's a nursery rhyme.

Limericks have eight beats in lines one, two and five, and five beats in lines three and four.

Da-dum Ba-da-dum Ba-da-dum
Da-dum Ba-da-dum Ba-da-dum
Ba-da-da ba-dum
Ba-da-da ba-dum
Da-dum Ba-da-dum Ba-da-dum

There are several references to correct meter in this post (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4622943&postcount=11476). Please make sure you understand the form.

[Meaney]

He giggled, "the S-E-X word!"

[CatSlave]

He giggled, "the S-E-X word!"
'Twas naughty, or so he had heard

[CDSinex]

He giggled, "the S-E-X word!"
'Twas naughty, or so he had heard
He just thought it was funny.

[RevisionIsTheKey]

He giggled, "the S-E-X word!"
'Twas naughty, or so he had heard
He just thought it was funny
His "date" wanted money

[Preacher'sWife]

He giggled, "the S-E-X word!"
'Twas naughty, or so he had heard
He just thought it was funny
His "date" wanted money
Then drove off and flipped her the bird.


Be careful when lacing a corset

[CatSlave]

Be careful when lacing a corset
It hurts if you manage to force it

[flyingtart]

Be careful when lacing a corset
It hurts if you manage to force it
And over-strong tugs

[archerjoe]

Be careful when lacing a corset
It hurts if you manage to force it
And over-strong tugs
Or Aunt Mabel's hugs

[Meaney]

Be careful when lacing a corset
It hurts if you manage to force it
And over-strong tugs
Or Aunt Mabel's hugs
will sling you from London to Dorset.

The pianist in the bar played

[Paul]

Paul, that isn't a limerick. That's a nursery rhyme.

Limericks have eight beats in lines one, two and five, and five beats in lines three and four.

Da-dum Ba-da-dum Ba-da-dum
Da-dum Ba-da-dum Ba-da-dum
Ba-da-da ba-dum
Ba-da-da ba-dum
Da-dum Ba-da-dum Ba-da-dum

There are several references to correct meter in this post (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=4622943&postcount=11476). Please make sure you understand the form.

Thank you, em, meaney, ahem

The pianist in the bar played Mozart (meter)(we'll split the half beat:))

[iLion]

The pianist in the bar played Mozart
The singer sang a lot off key

[Paul]

The pianist in the bar played Mozart
The singer sang a lot off key
but along came a drunk

[flyingtart]

The pianist in the bar played Mozart
The singer sang a lot off key
But along came a drunk
Saying "What about rhymes?"

[iLion]

The pianist in the bar played Mozart
The singer sang a lot off key
But along came a drunk
Saying "What about rhymes?"
"Ish thish a free form lymric, er what?"

(What the hell was that?!):Shrug:


My dog likes to howl at the moon,

[archerjoe]

My dog likes to howl at the moon,
Especially on hot nights in June

[flyingtart]

My dog likes to howl at the moon,
Especially on hot nights in June
Then he rolls on his back

[CDSinex]

My dog likes to howl at the moon,
Especially on hot nights in June
Then he rolls on his back
So I give him a smack.

[Paul]

My dog likes to howl at the moon,
Especially on hot nights in June
Then he rolls on his back
So I give him a smack
And now he sings to my tune!
__________________

Every time I take a wander (it's 8 beats, honest)

[Albedo of Zero]

Every time I take a wander (it's 8 beats, honest)
I usually go yonder (to grab a dozen donuts)

[Paul]

Every time I take a wander
I do like a good ponder

[Lavern08]

** Sneaks in **

OK, who keeps messing the Limerick thread up? :rant:

** Sneaks out **

[Paul]

** Sneaks in **

OK, who keeps messing the Limerick thread up? :rant:

** Sneaks out **


It was meany miss, honest

[Lavern08]

Every time I take a wander
I do like a good ponder
I stop and I think

[CDSinex]

Every time I take a wander
I do like a good ponder
I stop and I think
Why do some Limericks stink?

[Albedo of Zero]

Umm...I just want to go on record saying that syllables aren't necessarily beats.

[Preacher'sWife]

Every time I take a wander
I do like a good ponder
I stop and I think
Why do some Limericks stink?
'Cuz they're made up by blondes who went blonder!
(I can say that because I was born blonde! :tongue)

Let's get back on track, shall we?

The damsel was in quite a mess,

[Preacher'sWife]

Umm...I just want to go on record saying that syllables aren't necessarily beats.

Quite right.

In lines one, two, and five, there are three beats of emphasis. Syllabic number could be anywhere from 8 to 10. Lines three and four have two beats of emphasis, and there are normally 5 or 6 syllables. The number of syllables ideally should match in lines one, two, and five, and the same goes for lines three and four. The emphasis should be natural--don't force it on a syllable; ie: you would normally say WAN-der. It doesn't sound natural to say wan-DER. Clear as mud?

[CatSlave]

What she said:

one, TWO, three, four, FIVE, six, seven, EIGHT

There once was a lady from Kent

[Albedo of Zero]

The damsel was in quite a mess,
when the dragon bit into her dress

[CatSlave]

Or another example:

one, two, THREE, four, five, SIX, seven, eight, NINE, ten, eleven, TWELVE

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house

ETA: Too long for a limerick, but you can see how the beat works.

[CatSlave]

The damsel was in quite a mess,
when the dragon bit into her dress
He ripped and he tore

[archerjoe]

The damsel was in quite a mess,
when the dragon bit into her dress
He ripped and he tore
She cursed and she swore

[CDSinex]

The damsel was in quite a mess,
when the dragon bit into her dress
He ripped and he tore
She cursed and she swore
Then she yelled at him give it a rest.

My dog always sleeps near the door.

[Meaney]

The damsel was in quite a mess,
when the dragon bit into her dress
He ripped and he tore
She cursed and she swore:
"That's silk, and it's permanent press!"

D'oh!

My dog always sleeps near the door.
He's given the run of the floor.

[CatSlave]

My dog always sleeps near the door.
He's given the run of the floor.
The cat strutted past

[Matera the Mad]

My dog always sleeps near the door.
He's given the run of the floor.
The cat strutted past
And the dog woke, aghast

[CatSlave]

My dog always sleeps near the door.
He's given the run of the floor.
The cat strutted past
And the dog woke, aghast
Now the cat is strutting no more.

A monkey climbed high up a tree

[CDSinex]

A monkey climbed high up a tree
Just to see how far he could see

[Matera the Mad]

A monkey climbed high up a tree
Just to see how far he could see
He had no sunglasses

[Meaney]

A monkey climbed high up a tree
Just to see how far he could see
He had no sunglasses
was slow as molasses

[Nymtoc]

A monkey climbed high up a tree
Just to see how far he could see
He had no sunglasses
was slow as molasses
No wonder he couldn't see me.

In a house on the wrong side of town

[Sir_Nigel]

In a house on the wrong side of town
lived a broken down, drink sodden clown

[Meaney]

In a house on the wrong side of town
lived a broken down, drink-sodden clown.
His rent in arrears

[Sir_Nigel]

In a house on the wrong side of town
lived a broken down, drink-sodden clown.
His rent in arrears
he stalked Britney Spears

[flyingtart]

In a house on the wrong side of town
lived a broken down, drink-sodden clown.
His rent in arrears
he stalked Britney Spears
In a full sequinned silk evening gown


Letitia was fond of blues rock

[Sir_Nigel]

Letitia was fond of blues rock
‘til a pointy eared Vulcan named Spock

[CatSlave]

Letitia was fond of blues rock
‘til a pointy eared Vulcan named Spock
Appeared from nowhere

[Meaney]

Letitia was fond of blues rock
‘til a pointy eared Vulcan named Spock
Appeared from nowhere
with a long questionnaire

[CatSlave]

Letitia was fond of blues rock
‘til a pointy eared Vulcan named Spock
Appeared from nowhere
with a long questionnaire
And asked her to rock 'round the clock.

My boyfriend of many a year

[archerjoe]

My boyfriend of many a year
Decided to get off his rear

[iLion]

My boyfriend of many a year
Decided to get off his rear
He applied for a job

[Lavern08]

My boyfriend of many a year
Decided to get off his rear
He applied for a job
I was thrilled and I sobbed

[iLion]

My boyfriend of many a year
Decided to get off his rear
He applied for a job
I was thrilled and I sobbed
Till he blew all his money on beer.
---------------------------------

My spouse hid the tv remote

[CatSlave]

My spouse hid the tv remote
In order to sit back and gloat

[Albedo of Zero]

My boyfriend of many a year
Decided to get off his rear
He applied for a job
as a mug for the mob

[CDSinex]

My boyfriend of many a year
Decided to get off his rear
He applied for a job
as a mug for the mob
'cause he thought they would fill it with beer.

My neighbor who thinks he's so handy.

[archerjoe]

My neighbor who thinks he's so handy.
Was fooling around with Miss Mandy

[iLion]

My neighbor who thinks he's so handy
Was fooling around with Miss Mandy
He screwed in her lights

[Preacher'sWife]

My neighbor who thinks he's so handy
Was fooling around with Miss Mandy
He screwed in her lights
While wearing her tights

[iLion]

My neighbor who thinks he's so handy
Was fooling around with Miss Mandy
He screwed in her lights
While wearing her tights
Now Mandy thinks handymans dandy.
------------------------------------

My buddy likes walking his dog

[CDSinex]

My buddy likes walking his dog
While his neighbor likes walking her hog.

[Albedo of Zero]

My buddy likes walking his dog
and his cat and his rabbit and his frog

[Preacher'sWife]

My buddy likes walking his dog
his cat and his rabbit and frog
It conjures some stares

[Sir_Nigel]

My buddy likes walking his dog
his cat and his rabbit and frog
It conjures some stares
from envious hares

[Paul]

My buddy likes walking his dog
his cat and his rabbit and frog
It conjures some stares
from envious hares
who proceeded to get drunk on some grog


It isn't that I don't think you're funny

[archerjoe]

It isn't that I don't think you're funny
And I wish you would stop saying "punny"

[flyingtart]

It isn't that I don't think you're funny
And I wish you would stop saying "punny"
I find it absurd

[archerjoe]

It isn't that I don't think you're funny
And I wish you would stop saying "punny"
I find it absurd
And fit for a nerd

[Pthom]

It isn't that I don't think you're funny
And I wish you would stop saying "punny"
I find it absurd
And fit for a nerd
That your clothes all look fit for a bunny.

To go around beating one's drum

[CDSinex]

To go around beating one's drum.
Is a suitable enterprise for some.

[archerjoe]

To go around beating one's drum.
Is a suitable enterprise for some.
Be it tomtom or snare

[CDSinex]

To go around beating one's drum.
Is a suitable enterprise for some.
Be it tom-tom or snare
Electronic or air

[Paul]

To go around beating one's drum.
Is a suitable enterprise for some.
Be it tom-tom or snare
Electronic or air
as long as the rhythm is fun


A damsel in digress once countered
or
The damsel in the dress did counter

[CDSinex]

A damsel in digress? Distress?

[Meaney]

I rather like "a damsel in digress!" :)

A damsel in digress once countered:
"What rescue?! Your warhorse has foundered!"

[Albedo of Zero]

A damsel in digress once countered:
"What rescue?! Your warhorse has foundered!"
"And where is my knight?"

[Nymtoc]

A damsel in digress once countered:
"What rescue?! Your warhorse has foundered!"
"And where is my knight?
Won't he come and fight?

[Meaney]

A damsel in digress once countered:
"What rescue?! Your warhorse has foundered!"
"And where is my knight?
Won't he come and fight?"
And left she in direction southward.

My toaster just won't shut up talking

[slcboston]

My toaster just won't shut up talking
And the fridge has taken to walking

[Lavern08]

My toaster just won't shut up talking
And the fridge has taken to walking
The tea kettle spoke

[iLion]

My toaster just won't shut up talking
And the fridge has taken to walking
The tea kettle spoke
The oven awoke

[Nymtoc]

My toaster just won't shut up talking
And the fridge has taken to walking
The tea kettle spoke
The oven awoke
What a bother! The whole town is gawking.

Young Jimmy believed he could fly

[Lavern08]

Young Jimmy believed he could fly
He would point to the birds in the sky

[iLion]

Young Jimmy believed he could fly.
He would point to the birds in the sky.
So he lept from the roof

[archerjoe]

Young Jimmy believed he could fly.
He would point to the birds in the sky.
So he lept from the roof,
His ideas went poof

[Pthom]

Young Jimmy believed he could fly.
He would point to the birds in the sky.
So he lept from the roof,
His ideas went poof
As kersplat! he lit in the pig sty.

I never could ever win Tetris

[archerjoe]

I never could ever win Tetris
I'm quick but I'm not very dexterous

[flyingtart]

I never could ever win Tetris
I'm quick but I'm not very dexterous
So instead I try

[CDSinex]

I never could ever win Tetris
I'm quick but I'm not very dexterous
So instead I try
To tie a dry-fly.

[Pthom]

I never could ever win Tetris
I'm quick but I'm not very dexterous
So instead I try
To tie a dry-fly.
But my thumbs seem as big as a mattress!

The cocoa I made just this morning

[Paul]

The cocoa I made just this morning
has set my jaw a- yawning

__________________

[CDSinex]

The cocoa I made just this morning
has set my jaw a- yawning
It started repeating.

[Matera the Mad]

The cocoa I made just this morning
has set my jaw a- yawning
It started repeating
'Til I lost my seating

[Paul]

The cocoa I made just this morning
has set my jaw a- yawning
It started repeating
'Til I lost my seating
and I found myself on the floor fawning


The sailor revealed his tattoo

[Paul]

A damsel in digress? Distress?

A play on word, (honest)
you see, she's countering...

:)


not saying a good play, but a play.
"The subtext jarred a little against my finer sensibilities, though the central role was well, adequately delivered...."

[CDSinex]

A play on word, (honest)
you see, she's countering...

:)


not saying a good play, but a play.
"The subtext jarred a little against my finer sensibilities, though the central role was well, adequately delivered...."


I'm kind of slow sometimes. Thanks for clearing it up.

[CDSinex]

The sailor revealed his tattoo
Which he really didn't have to do.

[Paul]

The sailor revealed his tattoo
Which he really didn't have to do
So I took out a plaster

[Pthom]

The sailor revealed his tattoo
Which he really didn't have to do
So I took out a plaster
And covered it faster

[Nymtoc]

The sailor revealed his tattoo
Which he really didn't have to do
So I took out a plaster
And covered it faster
And beat a retreat. Toodle-oo!

We always have dinner at eight

[Meaney]

We always have dinner at eight
Lord have mercy if you are late

[flyingtart]

We always have dinner at eight
Lord have mercy if you are late
For all will be eaten

[Paul]

We always have dinner at eight
Lord have mercy if you are late
For all will be eaten
whether standing or seating (he he)
__________________

[iLion]

We always have dinner at eight,
Lord have mercy if ever you're late.
For all will be eaten,
Whether standin' or seatin',
And nothin' will be on your plate.

-------------------------

A young man who wanted ten kids,

[slcboston]

A young man who wanted ten kids,
Bought goats from a man on the skids,

[CDSinex]

A young man who wanted ten kids,
Bought goats from a man on the skids,
He set them to graze

[Paul]

A young man who wanted ten kids,
Bought goats from a man on the skids,
He set them to graze
until they were raised

[Autodidact]

A young man who wanted ten kids,
Bought goats from a man on the skids,
He set them to graze
until they were raised
and sold all at sizable bids.


This year on American Idol

[Paul]

This year on American Idol
Simon Scowl strapped on a bridle

[Matera the Mad]

This year on American Idol
Simon Scowl strapped on a bridle
With the bit in his teeth

[Preacher'sWife]

This year on American Idol
Simon Scowl strapped on a bridle
With the bit in his teeth
And his hooves underneath

[brad_b]

This year on American Idol
Simon Scowl strapped on a bridle
With the bit in his teeth
And his hooves underneath
He grumped as to the stage he did sidle.

It is not the plight of the bee

[archerjoe]

It is not the plight of the bee
To make honey for my toast, you see.

[CatSlave]

It is not the plight of the bee
To make honey for my toast, you see.
They dance in the flowers

[brad_b]

It is not the plight of the bee
To make honey for my toast, you see.
They dance in the flowers
To pass all the hours

[Nymtoc]

It is not the plight of the bee
To make honey for my toast, you see.
They dance in the flowers
To pass all the hours
And sting all intruders with glee.

A werewolf appeared in my dream

[Sir_Nigel]

A werewolf appeared in my dream
with a large can of UHT cream

[CDSinex]

A werewolf appeared in my dream
with a large can of UHT cream
He offered to share it.

[Paul]

A werewolf appeared in my dream
with a large can of UHT cream
He offered to share it.
Or else "I could wear it"
__________________

[Autodidact]

A werewolf appeared in my dream
with a large can of UHT cream
He offered to share it.
Or else "I could wear it"
Thus ultra and high, it would seem.


A Republican from deepest Ohio

[CDSinex]

A Republican from deepest Ohio
Was a Republican't, oh me, oh my-o.

[Paul]

A Republican from deepest Ohio
Was a Republican't, oh me, oh my-o.
but when it came to cash

[Nymtoc]

A Republican from deepest Ohio
Was a Republican't, oh me, oh my-o.
but when it came to cash
he had quite a stash

[Preacher'sWife]

A Republican from deepest Ohio
Was a Republican't, oh me, oh my-o.
but when it came to cash
he had quite a stash
That could pay off the debt you and I owe.

Maid Myrtle tried milking her cow

[CatSlave]

Maid Myrtle tried milking her cow
Her hands were quite rough from the plow

[archerjoe]

Maid Myrtle tried milking her cow
Her hands were quite rough from the plow
Away went the pail

[CatSlave]

Maid Myrtle tried milking her cow
Her hands were quite rough from the plow
Away went the pail
When the cow flailed her tail

[Meaney]

Maid Myrtle tried milking her cow
Her hands were quite rough from the plow
Away went the pail
When the cow flailed her tail
'Cause, frankly, she didn't know how.

The foreman tore off his hard hat

[Nymtoc]

The foreman tore off his hard hat,
Exclaiming "The boss is a rat!"

[Matera the Mad]

The foreman tore off his hard hat,
Exclaiming "The boss is a rat!"
The workers agreed

[CatSlave]

The foreman tore off his hard hat,
Exclaiming "The boss is a rat!"
The workers agreed
The foreman should lead

[Meaney]

The foreman tore off his hard hat,
Exclaiming "The boss is a rat!"
The workers agreed
the foreman should lead
a revolt to depose the fat cat.

The reign of King Herbert the Dunce

[Albedo of Zero]

The reign of King Herbert the Dunce
could be pondered while smoking some blunts

[flyingtart]

The reign of King Herbert the Dunce
could be pondered while smoking some blunts
It was famed near and far

[K1P1]

The reign of King Herbert the Dunce
could be pondered while smoking some blunts
It was famed near and far
How he bellied the bar

[Meaney]

The reign of King Herbert the Dunce
could be pondered while smoking some blunts
It was famed near and far
How he bellied the bar
and called his constituents cuckoo. ;)

Whatever became of the Fonz?