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archerjoe
01-27-2010, 05:16 AM
A mudwrestling trannie named Eve
Was a wonder you would not believe
earth up to her rear
smiling from ear to ear
As she took down a he-man named Steve

Her partner, a high-kicking midget

Matera the Mad
01-27-2010, 06:01 AM
Her partner, a high-kicking midget
Fights dirty, hits right in the widget

Ganesha
01-27-2010, 07:48 AM
Her partner, a high-kicking midget
Fights dirty, hits right in the widget
his left forgot his rite

brad_b
01-27-2010, 08:07 AM
Her partner, a high-kicking midget
Fights dirty, hits right in the widget
his left forgot his rite
No chins could he smite

Nymtoc
01-27-2010, 08:19 AM
Her partner, a high-kicking midget
Fights dirty, hits right in the widget
his left forgot his rite
No chins could he smite
Except with his tiniest digit.

Miss Plinket was thought to be cold

Ganesha
01-27-2010, 08:22 AM
Miss Plinket was thought to be cold
though frigid she was not so old

Matera the Mad
01-27-2010, 10:12 AM
Miss Plinket was thought to be cold
though frigid she was not so old
She knew how to Do It

brad_b
01-27-2010, 10:23 AM
Miss Plinket was thought to be cold
though frigid she was not so old
She knew how to Do It
And could really stick to it

CDSinex
01-27-2010, 11:22 AM
Miss Plinket was thought to be cold
though frigid she was not so old
She knew how to Do It
And could really stick to it
All she needed was to be cajoled.


There once was a teacher from Maine

Matera the Mad
01-27-2010, 11:45 AM
There once was a teacher from Maine
Who tried to make algebra plain

Sir_Nigel
01-27-2010, 02:34 PM
There once was a teacher from Maine
Who tried to make algebra plain
But his Ex wondered why

archerjoe
01-27-2010, 04:15 PM
There once was a teacher from Maine
Who tried to make algebra plain
But his Ex wondered why
His fondness for Pi

brad_b
01-27-2010, 07:03 PM
There once was a teacher from Maine
Who tried to make algebra plain
But his Ex wondered why
His fondness for Pi
Was too much of a drain on his brain

While waiting for skies to turn sunny

flyingtart
01-27-2010, 07:43 PM
While waiting for skies to turn sunny
I decided to go spend some money

Lavern08
01-27-2010, 07:45 PM
While waiting for skies to turn sunny
I decided to go spend some money
But then the clouds parted

brad_b
01-27-2010, 08:18 PM
While waiting for skies to turn sunny
I decided to go spend some money
But then the clouds parted
So back to home I then started

Ganesha
01-27-2010, 08:26 PM
While waiting for skies to turn sunny
I decided to go spend some money
But then the clouds parted
So back to home I then started
up jumps a funny bunny named sonny

while talking with the undertaker

CDSinex
01-27-2010, 09:16 PM
While talking with The Undertaker
I asked is pro-wrestling real, or are you all fakers?

StephanieFox
01-27-2010, 10:55 PM
While talking with The Undertaker
I asked is pro-wrestling real, or are you all fakers?
He gave me a smile

brad_b
01-28-2010, 04:52 AM
While talking with The Undertaker
I asked is pro-wrestling real, or are you all fakers?
He gave me a smile
And spun me awhile

RevisionIsTheKey
01-28-2010, 07:57 AM
While talking with The Undertaker
I asked is pro-wrestling real, or are you all fakers?
He gave me a smile
And spun me awhile
It wasn't the best of icebreakers.


The widow next door needed money

Matera the Mad
01-28-2010, 07:59 AM
The widow next door needed money
I said to her, "Come with me, Honey."

CDSinex
01-28-2010, 08:29 AM
The widow next door needed money
I said to her, "Come with me, Honey."
We drove to her ATM.

brad_b
01-28-2010, 12:29 PM
The widow next door needed money
I said to her, "Come with me, Honey."
We drove to her ATM.
Saw a hobo there named Jim,

Sir_Nigel
01-28-2010, 12:40 PM
The widow next door needed money
I said to her, "Come with me, Honey."
We drove to her ATM.
Saw a hobo there named Jim,
whose nose was both scarlet and runny


‘It’s purple!’ she shrieked in dismay

flyingtart
01-28-2010, 04:17 PM
‘It’s purple!’ she shrieked in dismay
But that's what you'd expect her to say

Ganesha
01-28-2010, 05:50 PM
‘It’s purple!’ she shrieked in dismay
But that's what you'd expect her to say
tho it had started out pink

Sir_Nigel
01-28-2010, 06:01 PM
It’s purple!’ she shrieked in dismay
But that's what you'd expect her to say
tho it had started out pink
it was scrubbed in the sink

flyingtart
01-28-2010, 07:07 PM
It’s purple!’ she shrieked in dismay
But that's what you'd expect her to say
tho it had started out pink
it was scrubbed in the sink
And spun dried in the usual way.


A cross dressing diva called Hunt

archerjoe
01-28-2010, 07:49 PM
A cross dressing diva called Hunt
Had the tools to pull off a stunt

Autodidact
01-28-2010, 09:20 PM
A cross dressing diva called Hunt
Had the tools to pull off a stunt.
He looked in his closet

Lavern08
01-28-2010, 09:33 PM
A cross dressing diva called Hunt
Had the tools to pull off a stunt.
He looked in his closet
Then turned on his faucet

brad_b
01-28-2010, 10:08 PM
A cross dressing diva called Hunt
Had the tools to pull off a stunt.
He looked in his closet
Then turned on his faucet
On this one I'll have to punt.

Two spinsters named Ethel and June

CDSinex
01-28-2010, 10:39 PM
Two spinsters named Ethel and June
Lived for years in a house with no brooms.

brad_b
01-28-2010, 11:04 PM
Two spinsters named Ethel and June
Lived for years in a house with no brooms.
The dust grew so deep

talkwrite
01-29-2010, 12:53 AM
Two spinsters named Ethel and June
Lived for years in a house with no brooms.
The dust grew so deep
They looked dead, though asleep

Ganesha
01-29-2010, 01:21 AM
Two spinsters named Ethel and June
Lived for years in a house with no brooms.
The dust grew so deep
They looked dead, though asleep
and they never cleaned before noon

While walking alone in a swamp

brad_b
01-29-2010, 01:48 AM
While walking alone in a swamp
A perilous place for a romp

CDSinex
01-29-2010, 02:44 AM
While walking alone in a swamp
A perilous place for a romp
I said later ‘gator.

Ganesha
01-29-2010, 04:34 AM
While walking alone in a swamp
A perilous place for a romp
I said later ‘gator.
not ready to meet my creator

brad_b
01-29-2010, 06:08 AM
While walking alone in a swamp
A perilous place for a romp
I said later ‘gator.
not ready to meet my creator
but I still got a bite on the rump

Brunhilda came in from the cold

Matera the Mad
01-29-2010, 09:40 AM
Brunhilda came in from the cold
And a right chilling story she told

CDSinex
01-29-2010, 10:11 AM
Brunhilda came in from the cold
And a right chilling story she told
She swore it was true.

brad_b
01-29-2010, 10:32 AM
Brunhilda came in from the cold
And a right chilling story she told
She swore it was true.
And her face was all blue

Nymtoc
01-29-2010, 10:43 AM
Brunhilda came in from the cold
And a right chilling story she told
She swore it was true.
And her face was all blue
And her body was covered with mold.

She put frangipane in every cake

CDSinex
01-29-2010, 10:54 AM
She put frangipane in every cake
Made from almonds she found down by the lake.

flyingtart
01-29-2010, 03:23 PM
She put frangipane in every cake
Made from almonds she found down by the lake.
But the taste was too tart

Sir_Nigel
01-29-2010, 04:55 PM
She put frangipane in every cake
Made from almonds she found down by the lake.
But the taste was too tart
and her world fell apart

Lavern08
01-29-2010, 09:09 PM
She put frangipane in every cake
Made from almonds she found down by the lake.
But the taste was too tart
and her world fell apart
So she vowed that she'd never again bake.

I just found a big kitty named Blue

Albedo of Zero
01-29-2010, 09:50 PM
I just found a big kitty named Blue
it talks like that dog Scooby doo

Nymtoc
01-29-2010, 09:59 PM
I just found a big kitty named Blue
it talks like that dog Scooby doo
The first thing it said

Autodidact
01-29-2010, 10:17 PM
I just found a big kitty named Blue
it talks like that dog Scooby doo
The first thing it said
was, "Rare ris ra bed?

Ganesha
01-30-2010, 03:10 AM
I just found a big kitty named Blue
it talks like that dog Scooby doo
The first thing it said
was, "Rare ris ra bed?
then she licked herself anew

Jane lived in the a lovely house

CDSinex
01-30-2010, 04:00 AM
Jane lived in the a lovely house
Which she shared with her cat, and a mouse.

StephanieFox
01-30-2010, 04:14 AM
Jane lived in the a lovely house
Which she shared with her cat, and a mouse.

Jane lived in the a lovely house
Which she shared with her cat, and a mouse,
Three dogs and five birds

CDSinex
01-30-2010, 04:49 AM
Jane lived in the a lovely house
Which she shared with her cat, and a mouse,
Three dogs and five birds
(I know it does sound absurd.)

Matera the Mad
01-30-2010, 08:20 AM
Jane lived in the a lovely house
Which she shared with her cat, and a mouse,
Three dogs and five birds
(I know it does sound absurd.)
But even she drew the line at a louse.

My sister has elephants in her back yard

RevisionIsTheKey
01-30-2010, 09:11 AM
My sister has elephants in her back yard
So those Ringling boys best be on guard

Ganesha
01-30-2010, 05:14 PM
My sister has elephants in her back yard
So those Ringling boys best be on guard
the big gray animals did roam

brad_b
01-30-2010, 07:16 PM
My sister has elephants in her back yard
So those Ringling boys best be on guard
the big gray animals did roam
But not far from home

flyingtart
01-30-2010, 07:45 PM
My sister has elephants in her back yard
So those Ringling boys best be on guard
the big gray animals did roam
But not far from home
And returned with their faces all charred.


A self-righteous harpy from York

CDSinex
01-30-2010, 10:24 PM
A self-righteous harpy from York
Pointed out a guest’s misuse of his fork.

brad_b
01-30-2010, 10:32 PM
A self-righteous harpy from York
Pointed out a guest’s misuse of his fork.
She said 'in polite company'

CDSinex
01-31-2010, 03:30 AM
A self-righteous harpy from York
Pointed out a guest’s misuse of his fork.
She said 'in polite company'
‘When tines there are three,’

Nymtoc
01-31-2010, 04:59 AM
A self-righteous harpy from York
Pointed out a guest’s misuse of his fork.
She said 'in polite company'
‘When tines there are three,’
It's for shrimp, not for roast loin of pork."

There are no volcanoes in Maine

brad_b
01-31-2010, 06:15 AM
There are no volcanoes in Maine
Neither on seashore or plain

Ganesha
01-31-2010, 06:22 AM
There are no volcanoes in Maine
Neither on seashore or plain
hiking naked is fun

archerjoe
01-31-2010, 06:57 AM
There are no volcanoes in Maine
Neither on seashore or plain
hiking naked is fun
Nary a sunburned bun

Albedo of Zero
01-31-2010, 06:59 AM
There are no volcanoes in Maine
Neither on seashore or plain
hiking naked is fun
Nary a sunburned bun
but those pine needles can be such a pain



There once was a story about planets

CDSinex
01-31-2010, 07:49 AM
There once was a story about planets
And how the moon is cheese, but they are all granite

Matera the Mad
01-31-2010, 09:37 AM
There once was a story about planets
And how the moon is cheese, but they are all granite
My astronomer friend

flyingtart
01-31-2010, 02:56 PM
There once was a story about planets
And how the moon is cheese, but they are all granite
My astronomer friend
Would often times tend

CDSinex
01-31-2010, 11:15 PM
There once was a story about planets
And how the moon is cheese, but they are all granite
My astronomer friend
Would often times tend
To defer to his old dog Janet.


There’s a different approach I would try.

brad_b
02-01-2010, 12:35 AM
There’s a different approach I would try.
As to the who, the what, and the why,

Nymtoc
02-01-2010, 12:38 AM
There’s a different approach I would try.
As to the who, the what, and the why,
I would focus on how

archerjoe
02-01-2010, 01:58 AM
There’s a different approach I would try.
As to the who, the what, and the why,
I would focus on how
Let's all do that now

Albedo of Zero
02-01-2010, 02:06 AM
There’s a different approach I would try.
As to the who, the what, and the why,
I would focus on how
Let's all do that now
So the when will be hung out to dry


There once was a dog from the kennel

CDSinex
02-01-2010, 02:15 AM
There once was a dog from the kennel
Who loved to chew roots of fennel

archerjoe
02-01-2010, 04:30 AM
There once was a dog from the kennel
Who loved to chew roots of fennel
It helped his bad breath

Ganesha
02-01-2010, 05:49 AM
There once was a dog from the kennel
Who loved to chew roots of fennel
It helped his bad breath
tho it still stunk of death

brad_b
02-01-2010, 06:27 AM
There once was a dog from the kennel
Who loved to chew roots of fennel
It helped his bad breath
tho it still stunk of death
Good thing the dog was a rental.

Too often we don't take advice

Matera the Mad
02-01-2010, 09:45 AM
Too often we don't take advice
(And some even spell it "advise"!)

CDSinex
02-01-2010, 01:47 PM
Too often we don't take advice
(And some even spell it "advise"!)
One’s a noun, one’s a verb.

flyingtart
02-01-2010, 06:04 PM
Too often we don't take advice
(And some even spell it "advise"!)
One’s a noun, one’s a verb.
Both are used as a herb

Sir_Nigel
02-01-2010, 07:00 PM
Too often we don't take advice
(And some even spell it "advise"!)
One’s a noun, one’s a verb.
Both are used as a herb
Don’t argue - it’s not very nice.


I don’t think its going to fit

flyingtart
02-01-2010, 07:41 PM
I don’t think its going to fit
Perhaps I should trim off a bit

CDSinex
02-01-2010, 08:43 PM
I don’t think it’s going to fit
Perhaps I should trim off a bit
And while I am at it

Autodidact
02-02-2010, 12:54 AM
I don’t think it’s going to fit
Perhaps I should trim off a bit.
And while I am at it,
I could bash or bat it

iLion
02-02-2010, 01:43 AM
I don’t think it’s going to fit
Perhaps I should trim off a bit.
And while I am at it,
I could bash or bat it
But of course it'll hurt like shit.
--------

I think the funniest I've seen

CDSinex
02-02-2010, 02:44 AM
I think the funniest I've seen
Was the time it all turned green

Ganesha
02-02-2010, 05:20 AM
I think the funniest I've seen
Was the time it all turned green
and yet sublime was so lime

Sir_Nigel
02-02-2010, 05:31 PM
I think the funniest I've seen
Was the time it all turned green
and yet sublime was so lime
for a very long time

archerjoe
02-02-2010, 05:58 PM
I think the funniest I've seen
Was the time it all turned green
and yet sublime was so lime
for a very long time
Such were the song lyrics by Ween

Predicting the weather by woodchuck

Sir_Nigel
02-02-2010, 06:53 PM
‘Predicting the weather by woodchuck’
- said old Mrs Quackers the Duck Duck

flyingtart
02-02-2010, 07:42 PM
‘Predicting the weather by woodchuck’
- said old Mrs Quackers the Duck Duck
'Is an exacting skill

Lavern08
02-02-2010, 07:52 PM
‘Predicting the weather by woodchuck’
- said old Mrs Quackers the Duck Duck
'Is an exacting skill
and it gives me a thrill

brad_b
02-02-2010, 08:23 PM
‘Predicting the weather by woodchuck’
- said old Mrs Quackers the Duck Duck
'Is an exacting skill
and it gives me a thrill
To get it right takes a lot of luck.

Tanya had a date with Larry

archerjoe
02-02-2010, 08:58 PM
Tanya had a date with Larry
Who in turn had a date with Sheri

CDSinex
02-02-2010, 10:28 PM
Tanya had a date with Larry
Who in turn had a date with Sheri
But Sheri liked Bill

brad_b
02-02-2010, 10:31 PM
Tanya had a date with Larry
Who in turn had a date with Sheri
But Sheri liked Bill
And Larry liked Jill

flyingtart
02-02-2010, 10:52 PM
Tanya had a date with Larry
Who in turn had a date with Sheri
But Sheri liked Bill
And Larry liked Jill
That's enough true romance this can carry!

A Welshman who lived by a lake

CDSinex
02-02-2010, 11:08 PM
A Welshman who lived by a lake
Had a young son who called himself Jake.

Matera the Mad
02-02-2010, 11:37 PM
A Welshman who lived by a lake
Had a young son who called himself Jake.
The lad had a canoe

brad_b
02-03-2010, 12:13 AM
A Welshman who lived by a lake
Had a young son who called himself Jake.
The lad had a canoe
Paddled while drinkin' a brew

Ganesha
02-03-2010, 05:43 AM
A Welshman who lived by a lake
Had a young son who called himself Jake.
The lad had a canoe
Paddled while drinkin' a brew
who became way too drunk for god's sake

She turned to her duck and said

archerjoe
02-03-2010, 05:59 AM
She turned to her duck and said,
"If I were a duck, I'd be dead."

Albedo of Zero
02-03-2010, 06:32 AM
She turned to her duck and said,
"If I were a duck, I'd be dead."
"Quack," said the duck.

CDSinex
02-03-2010, 06:59 AM
She turned to her duck and said,
"If I were a duck, I'd be dead."
"Quack," said the duck.
"Season's closed, I'm in luck."

archerjoe
02-03-2010, 06:59 AM
She turned to her duck and said,
"If I were a duck, I'd be dead."
"Quack," said the duck,
"You swim like a truck."

Matera the Mad
02-03-2010, 09:24 AM
She turned to her duck and said,
"If I were a duck, I'd be dead."
"Quack," said the duck,
"You swim like a truck.
Why don't we fly insead?"

They arose, but they fell in the water

brad_b
02-03-2010, 02:06 PM
They arose, but they fell in the water
Things weren't going as they oughta'

flyingtart
02-03-2010, 06:13 PM
They arose, but they fell in the water
Things weren't going as they oughta'
They swam for a mile

Sir_Nigel
02-03-2010, 06:20 PM
They arose, but they fell in the water
Things weren't going as they oughta'
They swam for a mile
‘til a huge crocodile

CDSinex
02-03-2010, 08:02 PM
They arose, but they fell in the water
Things weren't going as they oughta'
They swam for a mile
‘til a huge crocodile
Thought they were lambs led to slaughter



There once was a limerick that started

archerjoe
02-03-2010, 08:11 PM
There once was a limerick that started
With intentions oh so good-hearted

Lavern08
02-03-2010, 08:28 PM
There once was a limerick that started
With intentions oh so good-hearted
But things took a turn

iLion
02-03-2010, 09:07 PM
There once was a limerick that started
With intentions oh so good-hearted
But things took a turn
And I could not discern

flyingtart
02-03-2010, 09:12 PM
There once was a limerick that started
With intentions oh so good-hearted
But things took a turn
And I could not discern
Where rhyme and reason had parted.


Poor Gertie closed down her salon

Preacher'sWife
02-03-2010, 09:29 PM
Poor Gertie closed down her salon
She packed up and planned to move on

iLion
02-03-2010, 09:37 PM
Poor Gertie closed down her salon
She packed up and planned to move on
She moved to the city

Matera the Mad
02-03-2010, 11:51 PM
Poor Gertie closed down her salon
She packed up and planned to move on
She moved to the city
Where men are so pretty

brad_b
02-04-2010, 12:53 AM
Poor Gertie closed down her salon
She packed up and planned to move on
She moved to the city
Where men are so pretty
But ended up with a drunkard named Don.

There's a sunset over the city

CDSinex
02-04-2010, 01:15 AM
There's a sunset over the city
Which really is a town without pity.

Lavern08
02-04-2010, 01:15 AM
There's a sunset over the city
Which really is a town without pity.
It inspires my soul

brad_b
02-04-2010, 01:58 AM
There's a sunset over the city
Which really is a town without pity.
It inspires my soul
But is crowded you know

RevisionIsTheKey
02-04-2010, 06:18 AM
There's a sunset over the city
Which really is a town without pity.
It inspires my soul
But is crowded you know
"Too boring," said Walter Mitty.

You'll never get me in the Chunnel

CDSinex
02-04-2010, 06:23 AM
You'll never get me in the Chunnel
It's like riding in a long neck funnel..

Nightfly
02-04-2010, 06:26 AM
You'll never get me in the Chunnel
It's like riding in a long neck funnel..
It's not that I'm chicken

iLion
02-04-2010, 06:44 AM
You'll never get me in the Chunnel
It's like riding in a long neck funnel..
It's not that I'm chicken
Or even fear stricken

Matera the Mad
02-04-2010, 10:51 AM
You'll never get me in the Chunnel
It's like riding in a long neck funnel..
It's not that I'm chicken
Or even fear stricken
I just don't like going down unnel!

A chicken once stood at the crossroads

Sir_Nigel
02-04-2010, 01:19 PM
A chicken once stood at the crossroads
with a gift for the Duke of Ardross – Odes.

flyingtart
02-04-2010, 07:11 PM
A chicken once stood at the crossroads
with a gift for the Duke of Ardross – Odes.
But the rhymes were strange

iLion
02-04-2010, 10:58 PM
A chicken once stood at the crossroads
with a gift for the Duke of Ardross – Odes.
But the rhymes were strange
The chicken had mange

CDSinex
02-04-2010, 11:37 PM
A chicken once stood at the crossroads
with a gift for the Duke of Ardross – Odes.
But the rhymes were strange
The chicken had mange
Was he speaking in tongues – or in codes?


I have a friend who's judgmental

archerjoe
02-04-2010, 11:45 PM
I have a friend who's judgmental
Of all things experimental

Lavern08
02-05-2010, 01:23 AM
I have a friend who's judgmental
Of all things experimental
He always needs proof

CDSinex
02-05-2010, 01:28 AM
I have a friend who's judgmental
Of all things experimental
He always needs proof
And he's often aloof.

talkwrite
02-05-2010, 04:51 AM
I have a friend who's judgmental
Of all things experimental
He always needs proof
And he's often aloof.
We call him " fundamental"

A lonely porcupine wished for love

CDSinex
02-05-2010, 05:08 AM
A lonely porcupine wished for love
Which certainly wouldn't come from above.

RevisionIsTheKey
02-05-2010, 08:41 AM
A lonely porcupine wished for love
Which certainly wouldn't come from above.
So he tried online dating

Meaney
02-05-2010, 09:03 AM
A lonely porcupine wished for love
Which certainly wouldn't come from above.
So he tried online dating
and proliferating



- - -

(As a complete aside, I wonder if there are many others who remember the reason for this thread's subject line. It amuses me that it's still a completely apt title! Bravo, reph, wherever you are.)

brad_b
02-05-2010, 09:12 AM
A lonely porcupine wished for love
Which certainly wouldn't come from above.
So he tried online dating
and proliferating
And now only leaves with a shove.

There was a young man from Kentucky

Meaney
02-05-2010, 09:19 AM
A lonely porcupine wished for love
Which certainly wouldn't come from above.
So he tried online dating
and proliferating
And now only leaves with a shove.

There was a young man from Kentucky
Courageous and strong but unlucky

CDSinex
02-05-2010, 09:59 AM
There was a young man from Kentucky
Courageous and strong but unlucky
So off to the plains he did roam.

Matera the Mad
02-05-2010, 10:39 AM
There was a young man from Kentucky
Courageous and strong but unlucky
So off to the plains he did roam
But, missing his old Kentucky home

brad_b
02-05-2010, 11:51 AM
There was a young man from Kentucky
Courageous and strong but unlucky
So off to the plains he did roam
But, missing his old Kentucky home
He went back to his house, ain't that ducky.

Blind Milton wrote poems in his days

Nymtoc
02-05-2010, 01:02 PM
Blind Milton wrote poems in his days
Always searching for just the right phrase.

Matera the Mad
02-05-2010, 03:34 PM
Blind Milton wrote poems in his days
Always searching for just the right phrase.
Without a thesaurus

flyingtart
02-05-2010, 05:49 PM
Blind Milton wrote poems in his days
Always searching for just the right phrase.
Without a thesaurus
He'd easily bore us

CDSinex
02-05-2010, 08:59 PM
Blind Milton wrote poems in his days
Always searching for just the right phrase.
Without a thesaurus
He'd easily bore us
"... that light insufferable, And that far-beaming blaze..."


I once heard a story so long

brad_b
02-05-2010, 09:24 PM
I once heard a story so long
as it rambled I knew it was wrong

iLion
02-05-2010, 09:40 PM
I once heard a story so long
as it rambled I knew it was wrong
to force me to listen

CDSinex
02-05-2010, 10:29 PM
I once heard a story so long
as it rambled I knew it was wrong
to force me to listen
Without any kissin'

Nymtoc
02-06-2010, 12:33 AM
I once heard a story so long
as it rambled I knew it was wrong
to force me to listen
Without any kissin'
Although I was wearin' a thong.

It's snowing again. Woe is me!

CDSinex
02-06-2010, 01:08 AM
It's snowing again. Woe is me!
What do you expect, it's February?

iLion
02-06-2010, 01:21 AM
It's snowing again. Woe is me!
What do you expect, it's February?
The snow's gonna fall,

Lavern08
02-06-2010, 02:00 AM
It's snowing again. Woe is me!
What do you expect, it's February?
The snow's gonna fall,
And bury us all

CDSinex
02-06-2010, 02:39 AM
It's snowing again. Woe is me!
What do you expect, it's February?
The snow's gonna fall,
And bury us all
But not in the Pacific Northwest, he-he-he.


I was told once it’s not nice to gloat.

Meaney
02-06-2010, 07:18 AM
I was told once it’s not nice to gloat
If pride you wish not to promote.

Albedo of Zero
02-06-2010, 08:15 AM
I was told once it’s not nice to gloat
If pride you wish not to promote.
So instead, I'll just giggle

RevisionIsTheKey
02-06-2010, 08:44 AM
I was told once it’s not nice to gloat
If pride you wish not to promote.
So instead, I'll just giggle
so hard my butt wiggles

Matera the Mad
02-06-2010, 09:49 AM
I was told once it’s not nice to gloat
If pride you wish not to promote.
So instead, I'll just giggle
so hard my butt wiggles
And hope that I don't sink the boat.

There was a young lady so humble

Meaney
02-06-2010, 11:40 AM
There was a young lady so humble
she was told to engloat and begrumble

CDSinex
02-06-2010, 01:37 PM
There was a young lady so humble
she was told to engloat and begrumble
The lass wasted her days.

Meaney
02-06-2010, 05:42 PM
There was a young lady so humble
she was told to engloat and begrumble.
She wasted her days
avoiding one's praise

flyingtart
02-06-2010, 07:27 PM
There was a young lady so humble
she was told to engloat and begrumble.
She wasted her days
avoiding one's praise
In case it should lead to a tumble.


Miss Marjory Forster-McHughs

Nightfly
02-06-2010, 10:45 PM
Miss Marjory Forster-McHughs
Was transformed when she wore high heeled shoes

CDSinex
02-06-2010, 10:48 PM
Miss Marjory Forster-McHughs
Was transformed when she wore high heeled shoes
Although they did make her seem taller.

Ganesha
02-07-2010, 01:57 AM
Miss Marjory Forster-McHughs
Was transformed when she wore high heeled shoes
Although they did make her seem taller
and her hubby so much smaller

Meaney
02-07-2010, 08:07 AM
Miss Marjory Forster-McHughs
Was transformed when she wore high heeled shoes
Though they made her seem taller
and her hubby much smaller
she outbounded bush kangaroos.

The jet fighter pilot forgot

RevisionIsTheKey
02-07-2010, 08:13 AM
The jet fighter pilot forgot
To hide his onboard stash of pot

Albedo of Zero
02-07-2010, 08:23 AM
The jet fighter pilot forgot
To hide his onboard stash of pot
when the jet got too high

Matera the Mad
02-07-2010, 08:53 AM
The jet fighter pilot forgot
To hide his onboard stash of pot
when the jet got too high
His co-pilot knew why

Pthom
02-07-2010, 12:04 PM
The jet fighter pilot forgot
To hide his onboard stash of pot
when the jet got too high
His co-pilot knew why
There were narcs in the staff parking lot.

Incredible as it may seem

Meaney
02-07-2010, 05:20 PM
Incredible as it may seem,
the moon is two-thirds sour cream.

brad_b
02-07-2010, 07:35 PM
Incredible as it may seem,
the moon is two-thirds sour cream.
The last third is curds

flyingtart
02-07-2010, 07:49 PM
Incredible as it may seem,
the moon is two-thirds sour cream.
The last third is curds
And space bat turds

brad_b
02-07-2010, 07:52 PM
Incredible as it may seem,
the moon is two-thirds sour cream.
The last third is curds
And space bat turds
Good thing this is only a dream.

Matilda gave her sweetie a key

flyingtart
02-07-2010, 11:08 PM
Matilda gave her sweetie a key
And she said as she climbed on his knee

Lavern08
02-07-2010, 11:33 PM
Matilda gave her sweetie a key
And she said as she climbed on his knee
"This will unlock my heart"

Ganesha
02-08-2010, 02:26 AM
Matilda gave her sweetie a key
And she said as she climbed on his knee
"This will unlock my heart"
and never shall we part

CDSinex
02-08-2010, 03:03 AM
Matilda gave her sweetie a key
And she said as she climbed on his knee
"This will unlock my heart"
and never shall we part
Unless we're found by my hubby.

Two dandelions grew in my yard

archerjoe
02-08-2010, 03:23 AM
Two dandelions grew in my yard
But the weed patrol was on guard

Meaney
02-08-2010, 06:46 AM
Two dandelions grew in my yard
But the weeding patrol was on guard
Out came the flamethrower

Matera the Mad
02-08-2010, 07:40 AM
Two dandelions grew in my yard
But the weeding patrol was on guard
Out came the flamethrower
And wasted one flower

brad_b
02-08-2010, 08:34 AM
Two dandelions grew in my yard
But the weeding patrol was on guard
Out came the flamethrower
And wasted one flower
But I was hoisted on my own petard.

Two cows in the field they did chat

Meaney
02-08-2010, 08:58 AM
Two cows in the field they did chat
About Farmer's chinchilla hat

Matera the Mad
02-08-2010, 10:15 AM
Two cows in the field they did chat
About Farmer's chinchilla hat
"I think it's a shame"

Meaney
02-08-2010, 04:04 PM
Two cows in the field they did chat
About Farmer's chinchilla hat:
"I think it's a shame
he's upstaged by the Dame."

Ganesha
02-08-2010, 04:26 PM
Two cows in the field they did chat
About Farmer's chinchilla hat:
"I think it's a shame
he's upstaged by the Dame."
how could she do him like that!

There once was a girl from Wisconsin

Sir_Nigel
02-08-2010, 05:06 PM
There once was a girl from Wisconsin
who regretted a film she was once in

iLion
02-08-2010, 09:42 PM
There once was a girl from Wisconsin
who regretted a film she was once in
The script called for nude

Autodidact
02-08-2010, 09:43 PM
There once was a girl from Wisconsin
who regretted a film she was once in.
The script called for nude,
a hat and a dude,

CDSinex
02-08-2010, 11:32 PM
There once was a girl from Wisconsin
who regretted a film she was once in.
The script called for nude,
a hat and a dude,
And was shot on a polar bear skin.


I once had a car that could not.

Ganesha
02-09-2010, 02:10 AM
I once had a car that could not.
be anything but forgot

archerjoe
02-09-2010, 03:04 AM
I once had a car that could not.
be anything but forgot
It oozed down the road

Matera the Mad
02-09-2010, 09:05 AM
I once had a car that could not.
be anything but forgot
It oozed down the road
Like a half-deceased toad

Preacher'sWife
02-09-2010, 09:47 AM
I once had a car that could not.
be anything but forgot
It oozed down the road
Like a half-deceased toad
Then it died and I left it to rot.

My grandma once misplaced her dentures

brad_b
02-09-2010, 11:54 AM
My grandma once misplaced her dentures
Which started her on some adventures

Sir_Nigel
02-09-2010, 12:27 PM
My grandma once misplaced her dentures
Which started her on some adventures
Courageous but toothless

brad_b
02-09-2010, 12:44 PM
My grandma once misplaced her dentures
Which started her on some adventures
Courageous but toothless
My gram was quite ruthless

Sir_Nigel
02-09-2010, 01:32 PM
My grandma once misplaced her dentures
Which started her on some adventures
Courageous but toothless
My gram was quite ruthless
her conduct both crude and licentious


The drunk exhibitionist granny

brad_b
02-09-2010, 01:48 PM
The drunk exhibitionist granny
Had some tricks that were quite uncanny

flyingtart
02-09-2010, 02:59 PM
The drunk exhibitionist granny
Had some tricks that were quite uncanny
Like juggling crockery

Sir_Nigel
02-09-2010, 03:25 PM
The drunk exhibitionist granny
Had some tricks that were quite uncanny
Like juggling crockery
in light skimpy frockery

Meaney
02-09-2010, 03:39 PM
The drunk exhibitionist granny
Had some tricks that were quite uncanny
Like juggling crockery
in light skimpy frockery
then hiding them in nook and cranny.

Behold the abominable beast!

Sir_Nigel
02-09-2010, 05:27 PM
Behold the abominable beast!
in a shirt somewhat soiled and creased

iLion
02-09-2010, 06:10 PM
Behold the abominable beast!
in a shirt somewhat soiled and creased
He drinks all my beer

flyingtart
02-09-2010, 06:21 PM
Behold the abominable beast!
in a shirt somewhat soiled and creased
He drinks all my beer
Sports a lecherous leer

RevisionIsTheKey
02-09-2010, 07:39 PM
Behold the abominable beast!
in a shirt somewhat soiled and creased
He drinks all my beer
Sports a lecherous leer
Such odd behavior from a priest.

When he was a young tot of three

iLion
02-09-2010, 09:15 PM
When he was a young tot of three
He fell and skinned his knee

brad_b
02-10-2010, 02:38 AM
When he was a young tot of three
He fell and skinned his knee
The wound finally healed

CDSinex
02-10-2010, 03:15 AM
When he was a young tot of three
He fell and skinned his knee
The wound finally healed
But still hurt when he kneeled.

Ganesha
02-10-2010, 03:46 PM
When he was a young tot of three
He fell and skinned his knee
The wound finally healed
But still hurt when he kneeled.
contrary to custom he sat to praise Thee

While in confession he farted loudly

Sir_Nigel
02-10-2010, 04:00 PM
While in confession he farted loudly
But confessed to the deed rather proudly

Meaney
02-10-2010, 04:04 PM
Hello, limerickers. Forgive me for interrupting on behalf of Pthom, but I must remind everyone that a limerick is a strict form of beats. This has been discussed a couple of time in the past on this thread. Here (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1912903&postcount=5163). Here (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=329868&postcount=831) and here (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=308934&postcount=706). Oh, and especially here (http://absolutewrite.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1963576&postcount=5444).

Meaney
02-10-2010, 04:10 PM
While in confession he farted loudly
But confessed to the deed rather proudly
The priest, who was deaf,

Sir_Nigel
02-10-2010, 05:21 PM
in confession he farted loudly
But confessed to the deed rather proudly
The priest, who was deaf,
said ‘Oh Jayz, what the Eff!'

archerjoe
02-10-2010, 09:15 PM
in confession he farted loudly
But confessed to the deed rather proudly
The priest, who was deaf,
said ‘Oh Jayz, what the Eff!'
'That smell is something unGawdly!'

James rode a nag in a race

flyingtart
02-10-2010, 11:11 PM
James rode a nag in a race
But hedged all his bets just in case

talkwrite
02-11-2010, 01:06 AM
James rode a nag in a race
But hedged all his bets just in case
She came in first

RevisionIsTheKey
02-11-2010, 02:11 AM
James rode a nag in a race
But hedged all his bets just in case
She came in first
Because she'd rehearsed

brad_b
02-11-2010, 03:18 AM
James rode a nag in a race
But hedged all his bets just in case
She came in first
Because she'd rehearsed
Standing in the winner's circle with grace.

Much too often Zeke hit the ball

RevisionIsTheKey
02-11-2010, 03:48 AM
Much too often Zeke hit the ball
When it wasn't his turn at all

CDSinex
02-11-2010, 04:12 AM
Much too often Zeke hit the ball
When it wasn't his turn at all
He'd make three outs in each inning

brad_b
02-11-2010, 05:11 AM
Much too often Zeke hit the ball
When it wasn't his turn at all
He'd make three outs in each inning
And kept them from winning

RevisionIsTheKey
02-11-2010, 05:50 AM
Much too often Zeke hit the ball
When it wasn't his turn at all
He'd make three outs in each inning
And kept them from winning
Which set off a huge post-game brawl

When groundhogs predict the weather

Meaney
02-11-2010, 06:26 AM
When groundhogs predict the weather
they leave out one thing altogether:

RevisionIsTheKey
02-11-2010, 08:46 AM
When groundhogs predict the weather
they leave out one thing altogether:
you see, they're quite blind

Meaney
02-11-2010, 04:26 PM
When groundhogs predict the weather
they leave out one thing altogether:
you see, they're quite blind
to the plight of mankind

flyingtart
02-11-2010, 06:53 PM
When groundhogs predict the weather
they leave out one thing altogether:
you see, they're quite blind
to the plight of mankind
Which would drive them to hide in the heather.


Miss Marple was oft on the case

Meaney
02-11-2010, 07:39 PM
Miss Marple was oft on the case
Especially when drunk off her face

brad_b
02-11-2010, 08:41 PM
Miss Marple was oft on the case
Especially when drunk off her face
She'd discover the truth

iLion
02-11-2010, 09:57 PM
Miss Marple was oft on the case
Especially when drunk off her face
She'd discover the truth
Expose her bucktooth

RevisionIsTheKey
02-12-2010, 12:03 AM
Miss Marple was oft on the case
Especially when drunk off her face
She'd discover the truth
Expose her bucktooth
Then drop the bad guys with her Mace.


My parrot has just learned to talk

iLion
02-12-2010, 05:16 AM
My parrot has just learned to talk
He loves to insult and mock

StephanieFox
02-12-2010, 05:58 AM
My parrot has just learned to talk
He loves to insult and mock
But, because he's a parrot,

archerjoe
02-12-2010, 06:12 AM
My parrot has just learned to talk
He loves to insult and mock
But, because he's a parrot,
He prefers to swear at

Matera the Mad
02-12-2010, 10:53 AM
My parrot has just learned to talk
He loves to insult and mock
But, because he's a parrot,
He prefers to swear at
Cats -- for his cage has a lock.

I had a wee budgie who sang

Sir_Nigel
02-12-2010, 01:21 PM
I had a wee budgie who sang
yeah he squealed on a Baltimore gang

archerjoe
02-12-2010, 04:28 PM
I had a wee budgie who sang
yeah he squealed on a Baltimore gang
They wanted revenge

flyingtart
02-12-2010, 07:14 PM
I had a wee budgie who sang
yeah he squealed on a Baltimore gang
They wanted revenge
And found him in Penge

Sir_Nigel
02-12-2010, 07:27 PM
I had a wee budgie who sang
yeah he squealed on a Baltimore gang
They wanted revenge
And found him in Penge
A witness heard: BANG BANG, BANG BANG


“Oh no, Dr Pettigrew sir”

Nymtoc
02-12-2010, 09:24 PM
“Oh no, Dr Pettigrew sir,
Take back your pearls, take back your fur

CDSinex
02-13-2010, 02:09 AM
“Oh no, Dr Pettigrew sir,
Take back your pearls, take back your fur
First off, I'm allergic

brad_b
02-13-2010, 02:48 AM
“Oh no, Dr Pettigrew sir,
Take back your pearls, take back your fur
First off, I'm allergic
Fur makes me lethargic

archerjoe
02-13-2010, 04:27 AM
“Oh no, Dr Pettigrew sir,
Take back your pearls, take back your fur
First off, I'm allergic
Fur makes me lethargic
And you stink, you mangy old cur!

My prose graces many a wall

CDSinex
02-13-2010, 07:50 AM
My prose graces many a wall
From Fresno to stately Broomall

brad_b
02-13-2010, 07:55 AM
My prose graces many a wall
From Fresno to stately Broomall
I don't mean to suggest

Preacher'sWife
02-13-2010, 09:11 AM
My prose graces many a wall
From Fresno to stately Broomall
I don't mean to suggest
I'm the brightest and best