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Nymtoc
01-13-2010, 12:16 AM
Our marriage, they said, would not work
"You're a diva and he's a big jerk"
Yet we proved them wrong
Like Fay and King Kong

Lavern08
01-13-2010, 01:43 AM
Our marriage, they said, would not work
"You're a diva and he's a big jerk"
Yet we proved them wrong
Like Fay and King Kong
When we see them, we can't help but smirk.

I once owned a pair of blue shoes

RevisionIsTheKey
01-13-2010, 02:43 AM
I once owned a pair of blue shoes,
which, sadly, I happened to lose

Autodidact
01-13-2010, 02:52 AM
I once owned a pair of blue shoes,
which, sadly, I happened to lose.
I wore them to work

CDSinex
01-13-2010, 03:16 AM
I once owned a pair of blue shoes,
which, sadly, I happened to lose.
I wore them to work
But a co-worker named Kirk

talkwrite
01-13-2010, 04:22 AM
I once owned a pair of blue shoes,
which, sadly, I happened to lose.
I wore them to work
But a co-worker named Kirk
Stole them while I took a snooze

I know it was Kirk who removed them

Matera the Mad
01-13-2010, 07:22 AM
I know it was Kirk who removed them
He left clues: a small piece of plant stem,

archerjoe
01-13-2010, 07:28 AM
I know it was Kirk who removed them
He left clues: a small piece of plant stem,
A green tennis shoe

CDSinex
01-13-2010, 08:45 AM
I know it was Kirk who removed them
He left clues: a small piece of plant stem,
A green tennis shoe
And a sock that was blue.

brad_b
01-13-2010, 08:47 AM
I know it was Kirk who removed them
He left clues: a small piece of plant stem,
A green tennis shoe
And a sock that was blue
The objects pointed directly at him.

Larry told Bess a story

Matera the Mad
01-13-2010, 10:22 AM
Larry told Bess a story
To relieve her care and worry

CDSinex
01-13-2010, 10:42 AM
Larry told Bess a story
To relieve her care and worry
But he rambled so long.

RevisionIsTheKey
01-13-2010, 11:28 AM
Larry told Bess a story
To relieve her care and worry
But he rambled so long
She forgot what was wrong

Sir_Nigel
01-13-2010, 02:22 PM
Larry told Bess a story
To relieve her care and worry
But he rambled so long
She forgot what was wrong
As Dean Martin said: ’That’s Amore’

He was singing a song about Napoli

CDSinex
01-13-2010, 09:51 PM
Google saver: Neapolitan Mastiff is a breed of dog.



He was singing a song about Napoli
Where the mastiff pups are roly-poly.

RevisionIsTheKey
01-13-2010, 11:13 PM
He was singing a song about Napoli
Where the mastiff pups are so roly-poly
They steal pizza crusts

Matera the Mad
01-14-2010, 06:49 AM
He was singing a song about Napoli
Where the mastiff pups are so roly-poly
They steal pizza crusts
For their puppy-food lust

RevisionIsTheKey
01-14-2010, 07:34 AM
He was singing a song about Napoli
Where the mastiff pups are so roly-poly
They steal pizza crusts
For their puppy-food lust
Then swallow my cheese ravioli.

I'll know the recession has ended

Albedo of Zero
01-14-2010, 07:41 AM
I'll know the recession has ended
when all I have left has been spended

Matera the Mad
01-14-2010, 07:52 AM
I'll know the recession has ended
when all I have left has been spended
My pockets, all holes,

Sir_Nigel
01-14-2010, 02:32 PM
I'll know the recession has ended
when all I have left has been spended
My pockets, all holes,
My shoes with no soles

Nymtoc
01-14-2010, 04:51 PM
I'll know the recession has ended
when all I have left has been spended
My pockets, all holes,
My shoes with no soles
Have left my toes overextended.

This year I'm resolving to do

Sir_Nigel
01-14-2010, 05:47 PM
This year I'm resolving to do
a lingerie model or two

archerjoe
01-14-2010, 08:09 PM
This year I'm resolving to do
a lingerie model or two
And while I'm dreaming

flyingtart
01-14-2010, 09:05 PM
This year I'm resolving to do
a lingerie model or two
And while I'm dreaming
I'm thinking of teaming

CDSinex
01-14-2010, 10:40 PM
This year I'm resolving to do
a lingerie model or two
And while I'm dreaming
I'm thinking of teaming
With a barmaid who’ll bring along some brew.


As the husband said to his wife

Albedo of Zero
01-14-2010, 10:50 PM
As the husband said to his wife
"Our marriage is so full of strife,"

archerjoe
01-14-2010, 11:09 PM
As the husband said to his wife
"Our marriage is so full of strife,"
"You're always online"

CDSinex
01-14-2010, 11:18 PM
As the husband said to his wife
"Our marriage is so full of strife,"
"You're always online"
“And I don’t mean to whine”

Autodidact
01-15-2010, 12:42 AM
As the husband said to his wife
"Our marriage is so full of strife,
You're always online,
And I don’t mean to whine,
but I'm here, not in Second Life."

"It's like this," responded his Mrs.

CDSinex
01-15-2010, 12:59 AM
"It's like this," responded his Mrs.
With her usual hysterics and hisses

RevisionIsTheKey
01-15-2010, 01:03 AM
"It's like this," responded his Mrs.
With her usual hysterics and hisses,
"You're not much of a prize,

brad_b
01-15-2010, 02:03 AM
"It's like this," responded his Mrs.
With her usual hysterics and hisses,
"You're not much of a prize,
They see through your lies,

Autodidact
01-15-2010, 03:58 AM
"It's like this," responded his Mrs.
With her usual hysterics and hisses,
You're not much of a prize,
They see through your lies,
and my facebook status is what this is."



It's time for American Idol

Matera the Mad
01-15-2010, 06:51 AM
It's time for American Idol
To fizzle away, so goodbye, doll

archerjoe
01-15-2010, 06:53 AM
It's time for American Idol
To fizzle away, so goodbye, doll
Paula and Simon

Nymtoc
01-15-2010, 06:57 AM
It's time for American Idol
To fizzle away, so goodbye, doll
Paula and Simon
Are hardly worth rhymin'

Sir_Nigel
01-15-2010, 01:17 PM
It's time for American Idol
To fizzle away, so goodbye, doll
Paula and Simon
Are hardly worth rhymin'
I hear they’re both suicidal

No more will the talentless screechers

flyingtart
01-15-2010, 09:40 PM
No more will the talentless screechers
Attempt to confound their wise teachers

Lavern08
01-15-2010, 11:20 PM
No more will the talentless screechers
Attempt to confound their wise teachers
No more jokin' and playin'

talkwrite
01-16-2010, 01:26 AM
No more will the talentless screechers
Attempt to confound their wise teachers
No more jokin' and playin'
Or honor betraying

brad_b
01-16-2010, 02:32 AM
No more will the talentless screechers
Attempt to confound their wise teachers
No more jokin' and playin'
Or honor betraying
A plague on all these tepid overreachers.

I once took a date to the zoo

RevisionIsTheKey
01-16-2010, 02:35 AM
I once took a date to the zoo
And now she'd decided to sue

Autodidact
01-16-2010, 02:58 AM
I once took a date to the zoo
And now she'd decided to sue.
It wasn't my fault!

CDSinex
01-16-2010, 03:29 AM
I once took a date to the zoo
And now she'd decided to sue.
It wasn't my fault!
That the wall we did vault.

brad_b
01-16-2010, 06:31 AM
I once took a date to the zoo
And now she'd decided to sue.
It wasn't my fault!
That the wall we did vault.
The gorilla's need entertained, too.

There once was a dancer named Kitty,

Matera the Mad
01-16-2010, 07:50 AM
There once was a dancer named Kitty,
So delicate, agile, and pretty

RevisionIsTheKey
01-16-2010, 08:02 AM
There once was a dancer named Kitty,
So delicate, agile, and pretty
Despite extreme shyness

archerjoe
01-16-2010, 08:05 AM
There once was a dancer named Kitty,
So delicate, agile, and pretty
Despite extreme shyness
She impressed His Highness

brad_b
01-16-2010, 08:07 AM
There once was a dancer named Kitty,
So delicate, agile, and pretty
Despite extreme shyness
She impressed His Highness
By dancing all night through the city.

Limericks by chance can be heard

Matera the Mad
01-16-2010, 08:10 AM
I'll take ya both on!

There once was a dancer named Kitty,
So delicate, agile, and pretty
Despite extreme shyness
She impressed His Highness
Who gave her the keys to the city.

There once was a dancer named Kitty,
So delicate, agile, and pretty
Despite extreme shyness
She danced for a lioness
And got eaten up -- what a pity!


In days of yore when knights were bold

CDSinex
01-16-2010, 11:15 PM
And then there were two …


Limericks by chance can be heard
In the audience at the Theater of the Absurd






In days of yore when knights were bold
And horses slept in barns so cold

RevisionIsTheKey
01-17-2010, 01:06 AM
In days of yore when knights were bold
And horses slept in barns so cold
A penitent pauper

archerjoe
01-17-2010, 06:59 AM
In days of yore when knights were bold
And horses slept in barns so cold
A penitent pauper
Told such a big whopper

flyingtart
01-17-2010, 08:05 PM
In days of yore when knights were bold
And horses slept in barns so cold
A penitent pauper
Told such a big whopper
It was quite a thing to behold.

Letitia was fond of the men

RevisionIsTheKey
01-17-2010, 08:47 PM
Letitia was fond of the men
Especially in groups of ten

Matera the Mad
01-17-2010, 09:52 PM
Letitia was fond of the men
Especially in groups of ten
She'd sit on their laps

brad_b
01-17-2010, 10:20 PM
Letitia was fond of the men
Especially in groups of ten
She'd sit on their laps
Much too often perhaps

CDSinex
01-17-2010, 11:44 PM
Letitia was fond of the men
Especially in groups of ten
She'd sit on their laps
Much too often perhaps
And she’d sigh, now where to begin.


I had a friend at one time.

Nymtoc
01-18-2010, 12:06 AM
I had a friend at one time
Who drank sarsaparilla with lime

Matera the Mad
01-18-2010, 12:11 AM
I had a friend at one time
Who drank sarsaparilla with lime
He'd suck on his straw

CDSinex
01-18-2010, 02:25 AM
I had a friend at one time
Who drank sarsaparilla with lime
He'd suck on his straw
And he’d say with drawl.

rhymegirl
01-18-2010, 02:50 AM
I had a friend at one time
Who drank sarsaparilla with lime
He'd suck on his straw
And he’d say with drawl,
"I'm feeling as stiff as a mime."

Tony's head once got stuck in a bucket

CDSinex
01-18-2010, 03:57 AM
Tony's head once got stuck in a bucket
Which reminds me of that time in Nantucket.

RevisionIsTheKey
01-18-2010, 04:03 AM
Tony's head once got stuck in a bucket
Which reminds me of that time in Nantucket.
So readers beware

Nightfly
01-18-2010, 04:36 AM
Tony's head once got stuck in a bucket
Which reminds me of that time in Nantucket.
So readers beware
(I don't know - do I dare?)

archerjoe
01-18-2010, 04:53 AM
Tony's head once got stuck in a bucket
Which reminds me of that time in Nantucket.
So readers beware
(I don't know - do I dare?)
Shall I blurt out the story or duck it?

Oh, let's air out the sorid details

rhymegirl
01-18-2010, 06:44 AM
Oh, let's air out the sordid details
Tony's dated a lot of females

CDSinex
01-18-2010, 07:31 AM
Oh, let's air out the sordid details
Tony's dated a lot of females
But most were not human

Matera the Mad
01-18-2010, 07:40 AM
Oh, let's air out the sordid details
Tony's dated a lot of females
But most were not human
(Imagine that if you can)

rhymegirl
01-18-2010, 07:47 AM
Oh, let's air out the sordid details
Tony's dated a lot of females
But most were not human
(Imagine that if you can)
He especially loved humping whales.


But let's move on to other things now

CDSinex
01-18-2010, 08:07 AM
But let's move on to other things now
Like the time Tony slept with a cow?

Nymtoc
01-18-2010, 08:18 AM
But let's move on to other things now
Like the time Tony slept with a cow?
What might make you shudder

Sir_Nigel
01-18-2010, 06:29 PM
But let's move on to other things now
Like the time Tony slept with a cow?
What might make you shudder ?
You wished that you coulda

flyingtart
01-18-2010, 10:49 PM
But let's move on to other things now
Like the time Tony slept with a cow?
What might make you shudder ?
You wished that you coulda
Heard more than the Mods would allow.

Sir Peregrine Foresque-Smythe

CDSinex
01-18-2010, 11:41 PM
Sir Peregrine Foresque-Smythe
Was musing on his wonderful life

brad_b
01-19-2010, 12:10 AM
Sir Peregrine Foresque-Smythe
Was musing on his wonderful life
We won a fortune at poker

Matera the Mad
01-19-2010, 06:32 AM
Sir Peregrine Foresque-Smythe
Was musing on his wonderful life
We won a fortune at poker
Lost it all to a joker

CDSinex
01-19-2010, 07:39 AM
Sir Peregrine Foresque-Smythe
Was musing on his wonderful life
We won a fortune at poker
Lost it all to a joker
Who then ran off with his wife.


After two glasses of wine

Nymtoc
01-19-2010, 08:31 AM
After two glasses of wine
Matilda said she would be mine

Matera the Mad
01-19-2010, 08:36 AM
After two glasses of wine
Matilda said she would be mine
The moment she sobered

CDSinex
01-19-2010, 09:27 AM
After two glasses of wine
Matilda said she would be mine
The moment she sobered
She kind of looked me over

RevisionIsTheKey
01-19-2010, 09:52 AM
After two glasses of wine
Matilda said she would be mine
The moment she sobered
She kind of looked me over
Then bought a new bottle of Rhine.

Today when I looked in the mirror

Albedo of Zero
01-19-2010, 10:02 AM
Today when I looked in the mirror
I saw something that made me look nearer

CDSinex
01-19-2010, 10:29 AM
Today when I looked in the mirror
I saw something that made me look nearer
Then I said with a gasp

Sir_Nigel
01-19-2010, 12:38 PM
Today when I looked in the mirror
I saw something that made me look nearer
Then I said with a gasp:
“Cleo, pass me that asp”

Ganesha
01-19-2010, 05:47 PM
Today when I looked in the mirror
I saw something that made me look nearer
Then I said with a gasp:
“Cleo, pass me that asp”
a snake in the hand is better than the rear, er

moving away from my image

brad_b
01-19-2010, 10:12 PM
moving away from my image
I saw the drab look of my plumage

Pthom
01-19-2010, 10:14 PM
Moving away from my image
I gasped at the horrible visage (drat, too slow)
I saw the drab look of my plumage
My feathers were limp

CDSinex
01-20-2010, 01:17 AM
Moving away from my image
I saw the drab look of my plumage
My feathers were limp
And I looked like an imp

Ganesha
01-20-2010, 01:41 AM
Moving away from my image
I saw the drab look of my plumage
My feathers were limp
And I looked like an imp
preening crows broke into a scrimmage

he turned to me with a smile

brad_b
01-20-2010, 01:44 AM
he turned to me with a smile
I felt it was true with no guile

Albedo of Zero
01-20-2010, 02:37 AM
he turned to me with a smile
I felt it was true with no guile
some teeth were missing

RevisionIsTheKey
01-20-2010, 02:56 AM
he turned to me with a smile
I felt it was true with no guile
some teeth were missing
which hindered the kissing

CDSinex
01-20-2010, 03:42 AM
He turned to me with a smile
I felt it was true with no guile
Some teeth were missing
Which hindered the kissing
And caused him to hiss like a reptile


We went out to eat last night.

Matera the Mad
01-20-2010, 09:38 AM
We went out to eat last night
At a place where the cook's not too bright

brad_b
01-20-2010, 10:21 AM
We went out to eat last night
At a place where the cook's not too bright
he sautéed the sushi

Matera the Mad
01-20-2010, 10:46 AM
We went out to eat last night
At a place where the cook's not too bright
he sautéed the sushi
and made it all mushi

brad_b
01-20-2010, 11:34 AM
We went out to eat last night
At a place where the cook's not too bright
he sautéed the sushi
and made it all mushi
So I punched him and got in a fight.

Two men were walking the road

Sir_Nigel
01-20-2010, 01:03 PM
Two men were walking the road
when one of them - Roderick Spode

Nymtoc
01-20-2010, 01:26 PM
Two men were walking the road
when one of them - Roderick Spode -
said, "On this very spot

Rebekah7
01-20-2010, 01:44 PM
Two men were walking the road
when one of them - Roderick Spode -
said, "On this very spot
is my old army cot,

Sir_Nigel
01-20-2010, 02:25 PM
Two men were walking the road
when one of them - Roderick Spode -
said, "On this very spot
is my old army cot,
“Well,” said his mate, “I’ll be blowed.”


When travelling at rapid velocity

Ganesha
01-20-2010, 04:36 PM
When travelling at rapid velocity
hindered the priest's verbosity

flyingtart
01-20-2010, 08:09 PM
When travelling at rapid velocity
hindered the priest's verbosity
He said a prayer

brad_b
01-20-2010, 09:47 PM
When travelling at rapid velocity
hindered the priest's verbosity
He said a prayer
And rumpled his hair

CDSinex
01-20-2010, 09:47 PM
When traveling at rapid velocity
Hindered the priest's verbosity
He said a prayer
Lord, please take all my cares

Nymtoc
01-20-2010, 10:26 PM
When traveling at rapid velocity
Hindered the priest's verbosity
He said a prayer
Lord, please take all my cares
And forgive my outrageous pomposity.

Young Marcia could play the trombone

CDSinex
01-20-2010, 10:39 PM
Young Marcia could play the trombone
But she couldn’t practice at home.

archerjoe
01-20-2010, 10:54 PM
Young Marcia could play the trombone
But she couldn’t practice at home.
The sound scared her cat

flyingtart
01-20-2010, 11:06 PM
Young Marcia could play the trombone
But she couldn’t practice at home.
The sound scared her cat
for her notes were all flat

CDSinex
01-20-2010, 11:09 PM
Young Marcia could play the trombone
But she couldn’t practice at home.
The sound scared her cat
for her notes were all flat
So she was sent to a boarding school in Nome.


I was in the mall yesterday.

archerjoe
01-20-2010, 11:12 PM
I was in the mall yesterday.
When I could hear young Marcia play

CDSinex
01-20-2010, 11:32 PM
I was in the mall yesterday.
When I could hear young Marcia play
What am I doing in Nome?

Lavern08
01-21-2010, 01:03 AM
I was in the mall yesterday.
When I could hear young Marcia play
What am I doing in Nome?
And who stole my trombone?

Albedo of Zero
01-21-2010, 04:25 AM
I was in the mall yesterday.
When I could hear young Marcia play
What am I doing in Nome?
And who stole my trombone?
And why does that cat toot when it lays?



Another sad day in Wisconsin,

brad_b
01-21-2010, 04:29 AM
Another sad day in Wisconsin,
with only one single moccasin,

archerjoe
01-21-2010, 04:58 AM
Another sad day in Wisconsin,
with only one a single moccasin,
I hop through the snow

brad_b
01-21-2010, 05:38 AM
Another sad day in Wisconsin,
with only one single moccasin,
I hop through the snow
and into the ditch I go

StephanieFox
01-21-2010, 05:53 AM
Another sad day in Wisconsin,
with only one single moccasin,
I hop through the snow
and into the ditch I go
Now I'm dead, just like Lyndon Baines Johnson


The big dog lets out a big bark

CDSinex
01-21-2010, 06:42 AM
The big dog lets out a big bark
And holding his leash is a narc

archerjoe
01-21-2010, 06:48 AM
The big dog lets out a big bark
And holding his leash is a narc
He hid his stash quickly

Preacher'sWife
01-21-2010, 07:19 AM
The big dog lets out a big bark
And holding his leash is a narc
He hid his stash quickly
Forgetting he's tickly

Matera the Mad
01-21-2010, 08:31 AM
The big dog lets out a big bark
And holding his leash is a narc
He hid his stash quickly
Forgetting he's tickly
OMG ah--ah--CHOO he's a mark

If Karl May (http://www.karl-may-gesellschaft.de/kmg/sprachen/englisch/brochure.htm) sent a query today

Nymtoc
01-21-2010, 08:37 AM
If Karl May (http://www.karl-may-gesellschaft.de/kmg/sprachen/englisch/brochure.htm) sent a query today
"Get lost!" is what agents would say

CDSinex
01-21-2010, 11:03 AM
If Karl May sent a query today
"Get lost!" is what agents would say
You’re 98 years dead

flyingtart
01-21-2010, 08:16 PM
If Karl May sent a query today
"Get lost!" is what agents would say
You’re 98 years dead
And would be better instead

brad_b
01-21-2010, 08:24 PM
If Karl May sent a query today
"Get lost!" is what agents would say
You’re 98 years dead
And would be better instead
To fertilize the roses in May.

Spring is coming when things will be growing

Lavern08
01-21-2010, 09:21 PM
Spring is coming when things will be growing
The Easter Bunny is pregnant and showing

Autodidact
01-21-2010, 10:18 PM
Spring is coming when things will be growing
The Easter Bunny is pregnant and showing
With days growing longer

CDSinex
01-21-2010, 10:58 PM
Spring is coming when things will be growing
The Easter Bunny is pregnant and showing
With days growing longer
She’ll need to be stronger

Preacher'sWife
01-22-2010, 12:14 AM
Spring is coming when things will be growing
The Easter Bunny is pregnant and showing
With days growing longer
She'll need to be stronger
So she can outrun all the folks who'll be mowing.

When the wind starts to blow and the lights start to flicker (wrong meter--so sue me! :) )

Lavern08
01-22-2010, 12:22 AM
When the wind starts to blow and the lights start to flicker
I find me a chair and a tall glass of liquor

archerjoe
01-22-2010, 12:28 AM
When the wind starts to blow and the lights start to flicker
I find me a chair and a tall glass of liquor
Instead of bed spins

CDSinex
01-22-2010, 12:49 AM
When the wind starts to blow and the lights start to flicker
I find me a chair and a tall glass of liquor
Instead of bed spins
I start singing church hymns

brad_b
01-22-2010, 01:01 AM
When the wind starts to blow and the lights start to flicker
I find me a chair and a tall glass of liquor
Instead of bed spins
I start singing church hymns
Then dance about the house, what a kicker.

Two fleas were riding a cat

CDSinex
01-22-2010, 01:09 AM
Two fleas were riding a cat
And one on each ear they sat.

archerjoe
01-22-2010, 01:27 AM
Two fleas were riding a cat
And one on each ear they sat.
"How's the weather there?"

brad_b
01-22-2010, 01:53 AM
Two fleas were riding a cat
And one on each ear they sat.
"How's the weather there?"
One said from his lair,

Ganesha
01-22-2010, 02:49 AM
Two fleas were riding a cat
And one on each ear they sat.
"How's the weather there?"
One said from his lair,
the other stormed off in a spat

there was a piglet from Iowa

CDSinex
01-22-2010, 03:38 AM
There was a piglet from Iowa
Who wanted to eat pizza-pie. Oh, ya!

brad_b
01-22-2010, 03:53 AM
There was a piglet from Iowa
Who wanted to eat pizza-pie. Oh, ya!
He ate with a smile

Preacher'sWife
01-22-2010, 06:08 AM
There was a piglet from Iowa
Who wanted to eat pizza-pie. Oh, ya!
He ate with a smile
'Til he belched up some bile,

CDSinex
01-22-2010, 07:00 AM
There was a piglet from Iowa
Who wanted to eat pizza-pie. Oh, ya!
He ate with a smile
'Til he belched up some bile,
And everyone watching said, buh!



I need words to start a new rhyme.

Nymtoc
01-22-2010, 07:25 AM
I need words to start a new rhyme.
Without words, I'd just be a mime.

brad_b
01-22-2010, 07:57 AM
I need words to start a new rhyme.
Without words, I'd just be a mime.
Mimes are so scary

CDSinex
01-22-2010, 08:21 AM
I need words to start a new rhyme.
Without words, I'd just be a mime.
Mimes are so scary,
but they seldom are hairy.

Matera the Mad
01-22-2010, 11:09 AM
I need words to start a new rhyme.
Without words, I'd just be a mime.
Mimes are so scary,
but they seldom are hairy
And yet, they raise hair all the time

If I grind up this old dictionary

CDSinex
01-22-2010, 11:53 AM
If I grind up this old dictionary
An act of which I am somewhat wary.

Sir_Nigel
01-22-2010, 02:28 PM
If I grind up this old dictionary
An act of which I am somewhat wary
my words will be mince

Nymtoc
01-22-2010, 02:37 PM
If I grind up this old dictionary
An act of which I am somewhat wary
my words will be mince
They'll make readers wince

Lavern08
01-22-2010, 07:37 PM
If I grind up this old dictionary
An act of which I am somewhat wary
my words will be mince
They'll make readers wince
And they'll end up in an insect's library

I was accused of stealing some bread

brad_b
01-22-2010, 07:59 PM
I was accused of stealing some bread
but it wasn't me, it was Fred

CDSinex
01-22-2010, 09:21 PM
I was accused of stealing some bread
but it wasn't me, it was Fred
While I did steal the jam.

brad_b
01-22-2010, 10:30 PM
I was accused of stealing some bread
but it wasn't me, it was Fred
While I did steal the jam.
I'm not on the lam

CDSinex
01-22-2010, 11:42 PM
I was accused of stealing some bread
but it wasn't me, it was Fred
While I did steal the jam.
I'm not on the lam
Although I am sleeping under the bed.


This is by far the worst part.

brad_b
01-22-2010, 11:59 PM
This is by far the worst part
When putting horse before cart

CDSinex
01-23-2010, 12:22 AM
This is by far the worst part
When putting horse before cart
The smell of the beast.

brad_b
01-23-2010, 12:55 AM
This is by far the worst part
When putting horse before cart
The smell of the beast
Is obnoxious at least

dobiwon
01-23-2010, 01:02 AM
(Somebody had to say it :) )

This is by far the worst part
When putting horse before cart
The smell of the beast
Is obnoxious at least
For his feed will cause him to fart.


The car that I owned as a teen

RevisionIsTheKey
01-23-2010, 01:24 AM
The car that I owned as a teen
Was certainly far from pristine

Ganesha
01-23-2010, 02:19 AM
The car that I owned as a teen
Was certainly far from pristine
a dirty yellow wagon

CDSinex
01-23-2010, 02:58 AM
The car that I owned as a teen
Was certainly far from pristine
a dirty yellow wagon
That belched smoke like a dragon

Ganesha
01-23-2010, 03:11 AM
The car that I owned as a teen
Was certainly far from pristine
a dirty yellow wagon
That belched smoke like a dragon
hands on the wheel, I was a machine queen

I ate something that make me sick

brad_b
01-23-2010, 05:58 AM
I ate something that make me sick
When it hit me it came on quick

dobiwon
01-23-2010, 06:12 AM
I ate something that make me sick
When it hit me it came on quick
I ran for the loo

CDSinex
01-23-2010, 06:45 AM
I ate something that make me sick
When it hit me it came on quick
I ran for the loo
And ten others did, too.

brad_b
01-23-2010, 08:18 AM
I ate something that make me sick
When it hit me it came on quick
I ran for the loo
And ten others did, too.
Methinks better food I should pick.

Two friends were poised for a dive

Matera the Mad
01-23-2010, 08:34 AM
Two friends were poised for a dive
Said one, "If we come out alive

archerjoe
01-23-2010, 08:38 AM
Two friends were poised for a dive
Said one, "If we come out alive
I'll confess all my sins

CDSinex
01-23-2010, 08:39 AM
Two friends were poised for a dive
Said one, "If we come out alive
I'll confess all my sins
Over a bottle of gin

Matera the Mad
01-23-2010, 08:50 AM
Two friends were poised for a dive
Said one, "If we come out alive
I'll confess all my sins
Over a bottle of gin
And we'll leave our mark in the archive."

If I'd known when I started this verse

CDSinex
01-23-2010, 08:54 AM
If I'd known when I started this verse
That things would soon get so much worse

Albedo of Zero
01-23-2010, 09:11 AM
If I'd known when I started this verse
That things would soon get so much worse
I'd have called my friend Biff

brad_b
01-23-2010, 09:47 AM
If I'd known when I started this verse
That things would soon get so much worse
I'd have called my friend Biff
He'd have been here in a jiff

CDSinex
01-23-2010, 10:33 AM
If I'd known when I started this verse
That things would soon get so much worse
I'd have called my friend Biff
He'd have been here in a jiff
Then we’d go for a ride in his hearse.


There’s a lake on the south side of town

RevisionIsTheKey
01-23-2010, 11:16 AM
There’s a lake on the south side of town
Where the neighborhood drug deals go down

Nymtoc
01-23-2010, 12:34 PM
There’s a lake on the south side of town
Where the neighborhood drug deals go down
I've never been there

brad_b
01-23-2010, 01:30 PM
There’s a lake on the south side of town
Where the neighborhood drug deals go down
I've never been there
So it's best to beware

Ganesha
01-23-2010, 05:59 PM
There’s a lake on the south side of town
Where the neighborhood drug deals go down
I've never been there
So it's best to beware
to stay on the upside of a frown

he dove into a clear blue sky

flyingtart
01-23-2010, 08:20 PM
He dove into a clear blue sky
With a twinkle of hate in his eye

brad_b
01-23-2010, 09:38 PM
He dove into a clear blue sky
With a twinkle of hate in his eye
He was falling so fast

Nymtoc
01-23-2010, 10:17 PM
He dove into a clear blue sky
With a twinkle of hate in his eye
He was falling so fast
Banquo's ghost said, "Thou hast

CDSinex
01-23-2010, 11:06 PM
He dove into a clear blue sky
With a twinkle of hate in his eye
He was falling so fast
Banquo's ghost said, "Thou hast
come to join me as an ally”

Saturday's come, and none too soon.

brad_b
01-23-2010, 11:34 PM
Saturday's come, and none too soon
The weekend is here, it's such a boon

RevisionIsTheKey
01-24-2010, 05:43 AM
Saturday's come, and none too soon
The weekend is here, it's such a boon
No boss to berate me

brad_b
01-24-2010, 06:16 AM
Saturday's come, and none too soon
The weekend is here, it's such a boon
No boss to berate me
Has me thinking of lately

Paul
01-24-2010, 06:21 AM
Saturday's come, and none too soon
The weekend is here, it's such a boon
No boss to berate me
Has me thinking of lately
Of taking a trip to the moon

My eyes they begin to droop
My head it does stoop

flyingtart
01-24-2010, 02:49 PM
My eyes they begin to droop
My head it does also stoop
You may be surprised

Ganesha
01-24-2010, 07:46 PM
My eyes they begin to droop
My head it does also stoop
You may be surprised
before you realized

brad_b
01-24-2010, 11:24 PM
My eyes they begin to droop
My head it does also stoop
You may be surprised
before you realized
You're laying face-down in your soup.

A damsel in dire distress,

archerjoe
01-24-2010, 11:38 PM
A damsel in dire distress,
Wanted endives but got watercress

brad_b
01-24-2010, 11:48 PM
A damsel in dire distress,
Wanted endives but got watercress
She berated the cook

Preacher'sWife
01-25-2010, 12:29 AM
A damsel in dire distress,
Wanted endives but got watercress
She berated the cook
'Til she quivered and shook

flyingtart
01-25-2010, 12:58 AM
A damsel in dire distress,
Wanted endives but got watercress
She berated the cook
'Til she quivered and shook
And her crinoline got in a mess.

Miss Partridge was fond of caerphilly

Paul
01-25-2010, 01:01 AM
Miss Partridge was fond of caerphilly
'though some said she was being quite silly

CDSinex
01-25-2010, 01:11 AM
Miss Partridge was fond of Caerphilly
'though some said she was being quite silly
She sang The Bells of Rhymney

Preacher'sWife
01-25-2010, 06:12 AM
Miss Partridge was fond of Caerphilly
'though some said she was being quite silly
She sang The Bells of Rhymney
Then climbed up her chimney

Nymtoc
01-25-2010, 06:25 AM
Miss Partridge was fond of Caerphilly
'though some said she was being quite silly
She sang The Bells of Rhymney
Then climbed up her chimney
And stayed there all night eating chili.

There once was a comic from Kent

RevisionIsTheKey
01-25-2010, 06:29 AM
There once was a comic from Kent
Who drew huge crowds wherever he went

archerjoe
01-25-2010, 06:35 AM
There once was a comic from Kent
Who drew huge crowds wherever he went
His favorite joke

RevisionIsTheKey
01-25-2010, 06:52 AM
There once was a comic from Kent
Who drew huge crowds wherever he went
His favorite joke
said that archerjoe bloke

Albedo of Zero
01-25-2010, 07:26 AM
There once was a comic from Kent
Who drew huge crowds wherever he went
His favorite joke
said that archerjoe bloke
looked like a sink with one ugly dent.



The convenient store way across town

CDSinex
01-25-2010, 08:19 AM
The convenient store way across town
Isn’t really, because it’s always closed down.

Matera the Mad
01-25-2010, 10:55 AM
The convenient store way across town
Isn’t really, because it’s always closed down.
I can't get what I want

Paul
01-25-2010, 01:35 PM
The convenient store way across town
Isn’t really, because it’s always closed down.
I can't get what I want
For tonights ritual chant

Sir_Nigel
01-25-2010, 02:44 PM
The convenient store way across town
Isn’t really, because it’s always closed down.
I can't get what I want
For tonights ritual chant –
no goats blood or black floor-length gown.


‘Ahem’, coughed the waiter politely

CDSinex
01-25-2010, 08:38 PM
‘Ahem’, coughed the waiter politely
Must you really darken our door nightly?

Autodidact
01-25-2010, 09:08 PM
‘Ahem’, coughed the waiter politely
Must you really darken our door nightly?
Please learn how to cook

flyingtart
01-25-2010, 10:59 PM
‘Ahem’, coughed the waiter politely
Must you really darken our door nightly?
Please learn how to cook
Something out of a book

archerjoe
01-25-2010, 11:31 PM
‘Ahem’, coughed the waiter politely
Must you really darken our door nightly?
Please learn how to cook
Something out of a book
Your fashion is awful and tritely

Oh why do I live where it snows?

brad_b
01-25-2010, 11:56 PM
Oh why do I live where it snows?
With the frost always nipping my toes

CDSinex
01-26-2010, 12:15 AM
Oh why do I live where it snows?
With the frost always nipping my toes
I've just got to buy shoes.

Lavern08
01-26-2010, 12:21 AM
Oh why do I live where it snows?
With the frost always nipping my toes
I've just got to buy shoes
and stop singing the blues

brad_b
01-26-2010, 12:28 AM
Oh why do I live where it snows?
With the frost always nipping my toes
I've just got to buy shoes
and stop singing the blues
Because life, that's the way that it goes.

'Mercy me' exclaimed black-belt Sally,

Lavern08
01-26-2010, 12:39 AM
'Mercy me' exclaimed black-belt Sally,
I see two thugs in that alley

StephanieFox
01-26-2010, 01:08 AM
'Mercy me' exclaimed black-belt Sally,
I see two thugs in that alley
But, I'm not afraid

Ganesha
01-26-2010, 01:11 AM
'Mercy me' exclaimed black-belt Sally,
I see two thugs in that alley
But, I'm not afraid
quietly she prayed

brad_b
01-26-2010, 02:02 AM
'Mercy me' exclaimed black-belt Sally,
I see two thugs in that alley
But, I'm not afraid
quietly she prayed
then thumped them and added to her tally

There's a story about good Queen Bess

Ganesha
01-26-2010, 02:04 AM
There's a story about good Queen Bess
who got chocolate on her dress

CDSinex
01-26-2010, 02:28 AM
There's a story about good Queen Bess
who got chocolate on her dress
She said it's not what it seems

Paul
01-26-2010, 02:51 AM
There's a story about good Queen Bess
who got chocolate (all over) her dress
She said it's not what it seems
those stains are actually from chocolate creams

brad_b
01-26-2010, 02:59 AM
There's a story about good Queen Bess
who got chocolate (all over) her dress
She said it's not what it seems
those stains are actually from chocolate creams
And the servants will clean up the mess.

A lass and a maid in despair

Autodidact
01-26-2010, 03:15 AM
A lass and a maid in despair,
longed to live she and she as a pair,

Paul
01-26-2010, 03:28 AM
A lass and a maid in despair,
longed to live she and she as a pair,
but on the day they did wed

Preacher'sWife
01-26-2010, 06:13 AM
A lass and a maid in despair,
longed to live she and she as a pair,
but on the day they did wed
they hopped into their bed

Albedo of Zero
01-26-2010, 06:19 AM
A lass and a maid in despair,
longed to live she and she as a pair,
but on the day they did wed
they hopped into their bed
and found they didn't like each other bare



On a cold winter night in Chicago

RevisionIsTheKey
01-26-2010, 06:28 AM
On a cold winter night in Chicago
While planning a trip to Key Largo

StephanieFox
01-26-2010, 06:42 AM
On a cold winter night in Chicago
While planning a trip to Key Largo
Buying tickets on line

Matera the Mad
01-26-2010, 07:43 AM
On a cold winter night in Chicago
While planning a trip to Key Largo
Buying tickets on line
After too much red wine

CDSinex
01-26-2010, 08:33 AM
On a cold winter night in Chicago
While planning a trip to Key Largo
Buying tickets on line
After too much red wine
We wound up with a long week in Fargo.


The snow does remind me of sand.

Matera the Mad
01-26-2010, 08:50 AM
The snow does remind me of sand.
Vast dunes of it cover the land.

RevisionIsTheKey
01-26-2010, 10:59 AM
The snow does remind me of sand.
Vast dunes of it cover the land.
But sand doesn't melt

brad_b
01-26-2010, 12:49 PM
The snow does remind me of sand.
Vast dunes of it cover the land.
But sand doesn't melt
And is coarse as it's felt

Sir_Nigel
01-26-2010, 01:32 PM
The snow does remind me of sand.
Vast dunes of it cover the land.
But sand doesn't melt
And is coarse as it's felt
The comparison simply won’t stand


An alien landing from Venus

Nymtoc
01-26-2010, 01:49 PM
An alien landing from Venus,
Seeing people, said, "What a weird genus!"

Ganesha
01-26-2010, 08:27 PM
An alien landing from Venus,
Seeing people, said, "What a weird genus!"
with hearts on their heads

CDSinex
01-26-2010, 08:41 PM
An alien landing from Venus,
Seeing people, said, "What a weird genus!"
with hearts on their heads
Saying, “There’s nothing to dread.”

Autodidact
01-26-2010, 08:45 PM
An alien landing from Venus,
Seeing people, said, "What a weird genus!"
with hearts on their heads
Saying, “There’s nothing to dread.”
And half come equipped with a penis!"


American people I'm told

flyingtart
01-26-2010, 08:50 PM
American people I'm told
Are fearless, tenacious and bold

CDSinex
01-26-2010, 09:10 PM
American people I'm told
Are fearless, tenacious and bold
Unless we’re watching TV

Lavern08
01-26-2010, 09:41 PM
American people I'm told
Are fearless, tenacious and bold
Unless we’re watching TV
Or learning to ski

archerjoe
01-26-2010, 09:47 PM
American people I'm told
Are fearless, tenacious and bold
Unless we’re watching TV
Or learning to ski
So that's what we say when we're polled.

There once was a man from Seattle

Nymtoc
01-26-2010, 10:04 PM
There once was a man from Seattle
Who longed for his own herd of cattle

CDSinex
01-26-2010, 10:06 PM
There once was a man from Seattle
Who longed for his own herd of cattle
But his neighbors said no.

brad_b
01-26-2010, 10:17 PM
There once was a man from Seattle
Who longed for his own herd of cattle
But his neighbors said no.
It stinks when they go,

flyingtart
01-27-2010, 12:58 AM
There once was a man from Seattle
Who longed for his own herd of cattle
But his neighbors said no.
It stinks when they go,
And their farts make the window frames rattle.

A mudwrestling trannie named Eve

brad_b
01-27-2010, 01:47 AM
A mudwrestling trannie named Eve
Was a wonder you would not believe

Ganesha
01-27-2010, 02:38 AM
A mudwrestling trannie named Eve
Was a wonder you would not believe
earth up to her rear

talkwrite
01-27-2010, 02:59 AM
A mudwrestling trannie named Eve
Was a wonder you would not believe
earth up to her rear
smiling from ear to ear